tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS January 25, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
(cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you very much. welcome to the show, in here, out there, all over. i'm going to choose to believe that you wanted to applaud for me and were not just fighting the frost bietd. welcome to the late show. i'm stephen colbert. everybody okay? everybody feeling all right? (cheers and applause). >> stephen: you guys get through it okay? stayed warm the whole time. >> jon: feeling good. >> stephen: count your fingers and toes, they could snap off like a graham cracker. what an incredible weekend. you know, a little dangerousk a little fun, kind of exciting, winter storm jonas slammed the east coast, some places got up to three feet of snow, more than 12,000 flights were cancelled so for the airlines, it was business as usual. (laughter) (cheers and applause). >> stephen: aniff's got to say, after a really warm december, this was kind of a relief, you know, climate change has not ended winter, it just
one weekend. new york city got 26.8 inches of snow. whiteout continues, trecherrous, it looked like it was snowing up for awhile. (laughter) it was really exciting. it was the kind of weather that makes you feel like a child again and only for the fact that just to get down the street youlike this. you kind of had to-- (laughter). >> jon: yeah! (cheers and. >> stephen: but i was fully prepared for the worst. all weekend i put on my topr, pajamas. they were plenty waterproofed because i did not leave the house or take a shower. i did get up early on sunday to do somekes into my mouth. (laughter) and this is interestk, i don't
little heart app on your phone to tell you how much you moved for like aeen using that lately on my phone. it tracks the number of steps you take in a day. you are supposed to get something like 10,000 in a day. and i'm usually pretty close. okay, almost 9,000, not bad. here's saturday, 20. (laughter)pplause) 20 steps. the math checked out. my bed is 10 steps from my couch.there were a few brave souls facing the elements this weekend like new jersey governor and presidential candidate chris yisie. who went out. is funny yet. (laughter) but evidently he's just so jolly. and seems like a nice guy. so he went out, he went out to jersey and he stayed laser focused on addressing people's concerned about this snow storm.
have the sensitivity to know how stuff. and to make them feel safe and secure and that is whether it is an impending storm or the scourge of radical islamicrorism. (laughter). >> stephen: i'm sorry, what? what happened? did i just black out somewhere in the middle there. man, with all that ice on the road iuld make that sharp of a turn from snow and terrorism, i would spin out. (cheers and applause) i'mm jacknifing! >> jon: boom. >> stephen: the track coming around, knocking down lampposts. so i hope everybody stayed safe out there.ing to governor christie the roads are very icy, also very isis. (laughter) now--e). >> jon: it's so rare that isis gets applause.
speaking of sudden changes of subject, we've got a great show for you tonight, ladies andn. (cheers and applause). >> jon: theart. >> stephen: first up i sit down with former secretary of defense donald rumsfeld, donald. (applause) he has got a new smartphone app that is available at the app true. even if you can't find it, keep searching. all the intelligence says the app is in there somewhere. plawses (applause)n, it's very good. then and then i'll start with nba superstar russell (cheers and applause). >> stephen: he is a superstar point guard for the oklahoma city thunderer which i'm pretty sure is also a flavor of
guest was going to be donald rumsfeld. i was high on robe, apologize. it turns out we have the legendary jackson browne tonight. (cheers and applause) he will perform his song the long way around, a rockin' ballad about a man who does not ask for directions. and, ah, that, my friends, iso us courtesy of jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. (cheers and applause)ey are about to prime the jazz pump, but before they do, one more thing, a community in san sai, california, is complaining that a local buddhist temple is too noisy.
show with stephen colbert slasm ) >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen!ou so much, please. sit down, everybody. thank you so much. this is nice. >> stephen: hey, are you all excited for the super bowl yet? (cheers and applause). >> stephen: i am, it is the biggest game in men's football. and is personal for me because directly after the game on super bowl sunday night i'm hosting a live late show from here in the ed sullivan man let's go to our precoverage of my post super bowl spectacular, this is. >> the road to theuntdown to the leadup to the post game preview. late show lix vee.
vee,because those are the roman neum rales for our 87th show, which it is. but mostly because if you put--). >> stephen: thank you. applauding for 87, of course, this is a prime number. people love prime numbers. so we call it lix vee because that is theral for our 87th show, but also bus because you put enough buffalo sauce on it, i will lick anything. now did y'all catch the games in the afc championship it was the broncos beating the new england patriots 20-18. (cheers and applause), tough day for tom brady. seen here trying to-- i know, i know, i know. you feel bad for him.ng to cheer up by
structure is. oh my god, i'mome to blind people. and in the nfc championship, theid to the arizona cardinals what panthers do to cardinals. toy with them a little then rip their headsnal score was 49-15. cam newton was nearly flawless while carson palmer seemed to struggle with some of the finerlike throwing the ball to his own teammates. hard job. i'm sure it's a hard job. so my congratulations to and the broncos. be sure and tune in super bowl sunday night to see them go at it and stick around to see my very special live late show right after the game.the countdown
start marinating your ribs now.d applause) speaking of violent conflict, the 2016 election. really? this many people still? they're having-- everybody, don't wake him up. it's already the last week of january which means we're just seven days away from the iowa caucus. it's that special season when we pretend to know what a caucushough we're so close, the gop still hasn't rallied around one candidate, the two frontrunners, cruz and trump, of course, are known by their celebrity couple name, (laughter) (applause) i like that.
polls so the gop establishment is lining up behind him to push him in front of a train.and this is true, last week conservative journal the national review came out with an entire issue against trump.h anti-trump essays by conservatives across the political spectrum, bill kristol, michael medved, erik dowagerrer countess,ed monopoly guy, basically all of these guys are saying go to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200. and tape, and this is republicans, republicans. here is a taste of some of the frontrunner. >> a president trump would be a of america. he's an absolute narcissist. >> mark hall principle writes
weakened body of the republican party. bill kristol says is he the very epitome of vulgarity. >> if they put donald trump, if they try tomp in office, if that's what the people want, you are going to see an end to the republican party. >> stephen: now i just want to remind you, to be clear, this is his own party saying bad thingsder in the polls donald trump. i might actually like donald botter than they do. he's been on the show. he was got for ratings, and hee theater smelling like brut aftershave. (laughter) really nice. wasn't it nice? really nice. karate, i'm not sure. and not only does the establishment not like the frontrunner, they don't like the second runner either, texasi joe ted cruz. ted krudz is so reviled by those in congress and then he, especially in the senate, thatg done alt trump would be better for the party
>> bob dole told "the new york times" the party would face ale losses if it nominated cruz. >> north carolina senator burr said in a private meeting he would actually rather vote for bernie sanders over ted cruz. >> stephen: what?and applause) ted, you just got thrown under the bus and it's a v-w bio diesel.r) did we just run over ted cruz? let me back up and check. beep, beep, yup, there's they don't like him. (laughter) so some republicans would get behind anybody but donald trump on board for anybody but ted cruz.
senator and tennessee williamsy graham cannot stand either man saying of the choice, it is like being shot or poisoned, what does it really matter. (laughter) (applause) boom. i say why not a joint ticket. shot poison 2016. and both of these guys are going to be hard to stop,nald trump. it seems like this guy is bulletproof which is sadly not the case for some hypothetical new yorkers. >> i have most loyal people. did you ever see could stand in the middle of fifth avenue and shoot somebody and i wouldn't loose any voters, okay. >> stephen: to explain how is for those of you without don't live in new york, fifth avenue is an extremely crowded street in manhattan where it is illegal to shoot people. can't do it. you can't do frowned on.
>> jon: you can't do that. >> stephen: generally they stop you from doing that. now trump isn't saying he could get away with murder. is all about loyalty that is what trump told john dikerson on yesterday's nation face. >> you said yesterday you could shoot someone on fifth avenue and wouldn't loseu that confident, huh? >> well, i have a very great group of people, john. i mean i have people that are so loyal and it's been so reported and even in your poll, but in als, they do that. the loyaltiy factor. and my factor is up, when you add it all up it is pretty much close to 90%. these are people that just won'tl not leave. >> stephen: that's right. trump voters will not leave. (laughter) i thproblem for one person, donald trump. cuz when i hear this man say nothing can stop me from winning, not even shooting people, i don't hear to voters, i hear a cry for help.
ran for president probably to show or his mattress brand, or his line of premium ex-wives. and now it looks like he might actually win.at he says or does, criticizing women, attacking mexicans, banning muslims, saying john mccain say loser for being a prisoner of war, none of it affects his so he may not be saying i can shoot someone and still be elected president. he may be saying i can shoot someone and still be selectedt. because donald trump can't possibly really want to be president. it's the hardest job in the world. he knows that the presidency, if it can do this to eight years, imagine what donald trump will look like. (laughter) we'll be right back with donald
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(applause) >> that's quite an audience you have here. >> stephen: isn't that a nice audience which my goodness, yes. >> stephen: let me start off. >> let me say i'm glad i'm not running for president.ghter) i'm glad i'm. >> stephen: i'm glad i'm not running for president too. politician. awhile. >> stephen: what is the biggest difference between washington then and washington now. >> they didn't allow television representatives and the senate back in those days. >> stephen: you guys could have been doing anything in there. it was like the illuminati with secret handshakes. probably were. >> stephen: we'll get into the conspiracy theories in the second interview. >> come on. >> stephen: the first question i never
secretary of defense, tell me about your app. why did you want to develop an app?tory. >> stephen: sis lee-- history. >> yeah. >> stephen: it's call the churchill solitaire. >> because he played the game a great deal and he taught to t to a friend of mine. is, called churchill solitaire, right there. what is churchill solitaire, what makes it different?s two full decks, 104 cards and there is, a lot like regular solitaire except up at the top there is the double six.o get those cards off in sequence and over on the aces. and it is complicated. it's strategic. i can understand why churchill >> stephen: the man beat hitler. when did he have time-- to develop a solitaire game? it takes a little bit of the blush off the legacy, i got to
(cheers and applause). >> stephen: this is actuallyhan i usually am. (laughter) >> . >> stephen: okay so how do you know that he developed this? >> because he befriended a youngmat that was living in london, the government was in exile. an when the nazis took over belgium. and he taught it to this man ando me. i was u.s. ambassador to nato. >> stephen: so the only three people on the planet were playing it at one point? >> i don't know who else winston i know he taught a friend of mine. a couple of friends of mine who were still alive. but most of them were gone through the ages.is going to cost me, don rumsfeld? >> think of it this way. every cent of profit goes to to support the military or their families or the families of the wounded. (applause) i hope you sign up for the app,
>> stephen: isn't it free? isn't it a free app. >> the first one. >> stephen: at first it's free. >> there are a few free ones and then they to sign up for more games. >> stephen: you know this makes you sound like a crack dealer, donald rumsfeld. >> no. stephen: that's what you sound like. stick around, i want to talk about important things happening in the world that you might have an opinion on. will you do that? >> i will try to answer. >> stephen: okay.'m basically very shy. >> stephen: you're a very shy person? >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: i'churchill solitaire, we'll be right back with more donald rumsfeld. stick around. st opinion about this new car. to keep things unbiased, the badging and logos. so, what do you think it is? i would say lexus. maybe acura. feels like a bmw. or. reminds me of the inside of my friend's lexus. so, this car supports
siri, open maps. she gets me. someone really took their time laying this out. yeah. this car also has teen driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seatbelts are buckled.nd could use that. i'm very curious what it is. what price range would you put this car in? the eighty-thousand dollar bracket. well, what if i told you this is the 2016 chevy malibu? this is a malibu?heck it out. no way, it's a chevy! oh, wow. and it sells for? it starts at twenty-two five. \ gasp! what? oh wow. p i'm very impressed. yeah.l this technology? that's a game changer, really. i want one. i'll take the house, too. here we go.guys? hey clay, it's cool if we order some delivery? it' s time for you guys to make the right call. tfresh-baked in my own oven. t okay.
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rumsfeld, are you ever upset that now there is anothert there who is even more famous than you about not apologizing for anything? because he will not back down he's ever said. do you-- does he strike you as a commander in chief? >> i don't know him. i've never met him. >> stephen: really? about him is that he's-- i can't imagine how bernie sanders and donald trump can pull crowds of 20,000 peopleent to hear them speak. presidents don't do that. vice presidents don't do that. >> stephen: i think they're appealing on an emotional level. people are very what is going on in washington and whether or not you agree with what either man is saying, they're saying i agree with you. we have to change the status quo in some ways.robably right. they are touching a nerve somewhere. >> stephen: does the secretary of defense affect policy or
>> the president is the policyd he takes recommendations from his cabinet and from senior officials in the white house. and then he makes a judgement. he decides what ought to bed the american people basically decide because they decide who is going to be president. and that's the way the systemen: when the decision was played to go into iraq in 2003, the situation that we have now which is a chaotic iraq andcontrol of isis and or the chaos following the arab spring in areas as well, is the situation we have now, was it be an outcome? was this a worst-case scenario or a beyond worst-case scenario? >> i think the disorder inre regon and the conflict between the sunnies and the shia
people had noton the other hand, if you think what eisenhower said, he said the plan is nothing, planning ist being that anything changes with first contact with a problem. the enemy has a brain. they make decisions. people ask me well, why are theyat they're doing. and the answer is they're doing what they are doing because they can do it. because they don't have big armies, big navies, big airan't compete with us. so they are attacking from an assymetrical standpoint and they're trying to destroy thet in the world. the first thing they do is to eliminate a border, for example, between iraq and syria. >> stephen: the top two republicans and the top twohem think that going into iraq was the right choice to make. do you have any reflection on the decision to go into iraq? do you still think itt thing to do 12 years later? >> i think when the president
were-- the iraqi government had opposed something like 15 or 16 u.s.they were reprossive. they had used chemical weapons on their neighbors, the iranians. they used chemical weapons on their own population, theere was a lot of evidence that they-- they already used chemical weapons. and it seems to me the president given the facts he had from theommunity made the right decision. in retrospect, they didn't find large cashes-- caches of chemical or biological weapons. although thedid say they had the facilities still there, the people were still there, they had the capability and the precursors to these weapons were still there. and they could havein a matter of weeks. >> stephen: there is one question that gets asked of you and other people who were in favor of the invasion of 2003 in iraq question i don't think is fair.
>> then why ask an unfair question. >> stephen: no, no, no i will tell you why i think it's ask a different question. i think this question is unfair, which is if you knew now-- if you knew then what you knew now, would you maked same decision.you know then. >> that's right. >> stephen: you only now now what you know now. and our now is tomorrow's then. so they'll be saying the sameions gets made today, 15 years from now. >> it's true. >> stephen: but that leads me to your most famous saying which is talking about uncertainty in the world. that there are no knowns,w we know, and tell me if i get this wrong. cuz i know this is your baby. there are known unknowns. things we know that we don'td there are also unknowns unknowns. >> but in this case, isn't the one that got us something thatre's a fourth option that no one ever talks about.
which is the thing that we know, and then we choose not to know them or not know we know. that there are some things-- (applause). >> stephen: memo from the joint chiefs of embarrassment. >> stephen: i can't be embarrassed, i'm a comedian. this thing came out, it says ouraqi new clear weapons program is based largely perhaps 90% on analysis of imprecise intelligence. so there is analysis of intelligenceat there are weapons of mass destruction in iraq, and i believe that sin certificately. i don't think anybody made up the belief that there were weapons of mass destruction. that is would government. i believe that everybody believed that they were there. but there was no hard proof that
presented to the american people as if there was. so there was an unknown known for the american people. it was known that there was not but we were presented a partial picture. and that's the unknown known that we were denied. do you think that was the right thing to do? of all, that memo >> stephen: yes. >> and we put it on my website. >> and made it public years ago. >> stephen: i know it's declassified. >> well, yeah, but-- i don't put classified things on my website. i want you to know that. >> stephen: all right. you can get in trouble for that. >> yeah. >> stephen: i'm not trying to you an unfair question, i'm trying to ask you what i thinkg. were there things that the administration, or you knew that we didn't learn about out of the best possible intentions which is there were things that would a war you
the united states. >> the president had a available to him intelligence from all government. and the national security council members had that information. it was all shared. it was all supplied. and it's never certain, were-- if it were a fact, it wouldn't be called intelligence. >> stephen: wow answered my question. (laughter) i mean-- is intelligence iso do. and what you do is you look at all of that and if you've got a certain set of facts that you can never fie 100 percent, and then thereat is not capable of being verified 100 percent, and it's out of
th decisions all the time. >> stephen: i guess the ultimate question is, is that because there turned out to be no weapons of mass destructionican people now feel a majority that it was the wrong war, do you think it undermines our trust of the government, that is necessary for your that you are describing to do their job. because if you say trust us, we've got this, and you get it so wrong, isn't another level ofon't trust them next time. >> i think there's always a risk that people looking at government will come to they may not be right. that is why we have a democracy. i mean that's why people vote and they maked we-- i think most people in the united states understand that government is not perfect. i mean look how long it takes to
what's really important are the intentions and the capability of the people and for the most part, i think it was churchill who saids the worse form of government except for any other that's ever been tried. and-- . >> stephen: you no he what else he said? try my solitaire game.l solitaire. donald rumsfeld, everybody. thank you, sir. >> thank you. >> stephen: it is an honor to talk with you. >> thank you fact. advil pain relievers are used by more households than any other leading brand. to treat their aches and pains more people reach for advil. better than this.
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welcome back, everybody. my next gust is a point guard for the oklahoma city thunder, a five-time nba all-star, olympic, fashion designer and a philanthropist. please welcome russell westbrook. (applause) or as i point guard for oklahoma city thunder, just selected to nba all-star team for the fifth time, game february 14th,>> thank you, thank you, thank you. >> stephen: 2015 all-star game mvp, average 24 points per game,
in a absolutely petal to the metal all the time, especially when it comes to the dunks. jim? a vicious slam. >> stephen: wow. (cheers and applause)s that hard. you see kevin dur ant he's worried are you going to hurt yourself. >> i worry myself sometimes, itephen: when you dunk that net makes a whip crack sound. >> yeah, you know, i like to dunk hard because i don't like guys to block my shot. so i figure it is the only wayy, very hard so that is what i try to do. >> stephen: right.
points for dunking harder,hose was like you should get four points. >> i really wish they changed the rule where the harder you dunk the more points you get. i would get a lot of points.emember your first dunk. >> i do. my furs dunk was a high school game against my rival high school, got a fast break. i hadn't dunked before but it a chance i was going to jump as high as i could. i got about this much over the rimk dunked the hardest i could, my first dunk so i was happy stephen: actually making your first dunk give you the power to dunk higher the next time because now you know you can? >> it gives you a sense ofat was my first time dunking in the game so from then on i have been dunking ever since. >> stephen: no one can doubt your sense of confidence. i mean you show it in youralk about some of the things you wear out and about. you are a fashion play. this right here. >> yeah. >> stephen: that is you, i got to say you look good in this. this would the face if i wear that out.
this is you just on a chilly night, just keeping toasty warm. >> yeah, it was cold here. i wasork, fashion week. i was running around and i got a little cold. have i my lint roller in my hand, you can tell.h a lint roller? >> you know, i was afraid the -- would get on my clothes and the whole get-down.uld pay someone to do that for you. >> yeah, i would rather do it myself. >> stephen: this one i like to, the glass is right there, they don't actually have lenses. >> no lense without them. >> stephen: wow. it's funny, i actually have lenses with no frames. you are praims with no lenses.phen: you brought me a >> i do. i have-- . >> stephen: you have your own line of glasses. >> i do have my own line ofphen: what are they >> stephen: that will do it. do you have any suggestions because i will go with yours. >> let me see. let me look. i'mreen ones for you. >> stephen: really?
they are call the the venice. >> stephen: venice? >> the venice. let me (cheers and applause) >> looking good, looking good. stephen, the first thing somebody said is you look hot. that is-- that's a good thing. try this one on. i like this. >> okay. >> stephen: i don't think i pull this one off. it looks like i'm going to start welding. >> those are even bigger. >> stephen: you want to try one?ith these. (laughter). >> stephen: i think i look a little bit like mid '80s sally jessie are nice because those are actually camo pattern cuz you can wear those and no one will know you have them on.>> stephen: where do you get these? >> you get:get these online
>> i do. >> stephen: are these the kind of clothes that would look good on a guy who is not 6 foot 3 and an nba player, i could wear them. 100 percent. (laughter). >> stephen: thank you for that vote of confidence.n here. >> stephen: i could wear that, >> see? >> stephen: yeah, good luck with the mvp.get it ingo. good luck with the all-star game. >> thank you, i appreciate it. >> stephen: check out russell's designs at barneys and westbrook russell westbrook, everybody. thank you so much does this have to do with chemistry? this isn't 'advanced figure drawing'? down the hall. row some of your cologne? confulish. that stings, that stings.
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got it good they got the envy hen i was a kid everything i did was trying to be free running up and down tinsel town inside of me my planets all in retrograde the best of all my plans got madeand some mistakes just not the ones people think i made i'm a long way gonei'm on it's gonna take me where i'm
it's never been that hard to buy a gun now they'll sell a glock 19 to just about anyonehe seeds of tragedy are there and what we feel we have the right to bear and watch our children come to harmof our arms we all disagree about the passions burn, heart goes outne down this wild road i'm ongonna take me where i'm bound