tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC May 25, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am EDT
security. we are all buttoned up because donald trump is here with us tonight. tonight those of you watching at home will have the rare opportunity to see donald trump on television. that's right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: trump is here in hollywood. he's promised to make hollywood boulevard great again by building a wall around bill cosby's star on the walk of fame. and guillermo is going to pay for it. >> no way. >> jimmy: it's just a little star. it won't cost that much. trump is in town for a fundraising dinner where tickets start at $25,000 a plate. if you want food on the plate, it's another $30. a year ago people thought donald trump's campaign was a joke. but today there are a variety of opinions, but he is the republican issue the presumptive, i guess we can't say nominee even though it's pretty safe to presume, but the
presumptive nominee for president. we have some fun stuff tonight. trump is here tonight. bernie sanders is here tomorrow. i was running for vice president and all of a sudden these candidates are flocking to visit. [ applause ] >> jimmy: to ask for our hand in marriage. i'm still primarily interested in running as a so low candidate because it's never been done, but i'll hear them out. trump won a primary last night. he got 76%. kasich got 9.8%. somehow kasich is doing better since he crdropped out. donald trump is so close he can smell it like a discontinued trump steak sizzling on the grill. our keyboard player turned me onto something fun this morning. this is -- he's been watching videos of donald trump on
youtube at half speed. jeff has a busy schedule. apparently youtube has a half speed function. well, watch. >> i looked, you know, hillary clinton has somebody. did you ever hear of pocahantas? >> that's fun, right? here's another one. this is slowed down donald on bernie sanders. >> bernie is not going to be able to do it. [ laughter ] >> bernie can't with the superdelegates and all, bernie's not going to be able to do it, but i got to give him credit. crazy bernie's out there trying. he's trying hard. [ applause ] >> jimmy: brought to you by vodka. isn't that great? if you slowed him down anymore,
he'd be ben carson. there were some anti-trump protests outside his rally last night in albuquerque. a lot of people, it got a little bit crazy. some people were injured and some were throwing rocks. for signs and pushing and shoving and trying to open doors that couldn't be opened. people are jumping and climbing on police cars, running through the streets, throwing barricades. >> they're troublemakers. >> jimmy: right. that's true. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: we're going to be seeing a lot of that. this is good. cnn showed a tweet donald trump wrote last night. these viewers paying extra attention to the fine print got a bonus. >> he said great rally in new mexico. now in l.a., big rally in anaheim. look at the bottom. it says real donald trump --
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: how that got on tv, i don't know. he's here. i'll ask. a good question. here's something i would like to get each of the presidential candidates to weigh in on. there's a movement online, a hash tag. it's called give captain america a boyfriend. they want marvel comics to make captain america gay. i wouldn't be surprised if he already is. if you met a straight guy in this shape. that body does not represent my america. captain america should be fat, really. when i am vice president, my first order of business will be to force captain america to gain 30 pounds. this is from the dodgers reds game last night. watch the guy -- i think he's a guy carrying peanuts in the background.
>> fastball, good pitch. >> jimmy: show that one more time. i want you to pay attention to the people around him. not one person moves. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they all just laugh. fortunately the peanuts broke his fall. just outside of washington d.c. today, the 89 th annual script spelling bee got going. the preliminary rounds were today. finals are tomorrow. the favorite is a kid from new york who did well this morning in the opening round. >> the word is extraordinary. >> easy. extraordinary. e extrard nar, as in my spelling skills are extraordinary. >> that is correct.
no duh. >> the word is lucktures you. >> lu. >> no, no, no, excuse me. excuse me. this is to unfair. look at this kid's name. look at it. of course he can spell. he has to spell his name every day. folks, we need to stop outsou e outsourcing or spelling to india. when i'm spelling bee champ, i will make america g-r-e-a-t again. >> that boy has some leadership qualities. >> jimmy: donald trump is moments away from visiting us here. say what you like about him, his supporters are passionate and loyal. trump once said he could shoot somebody in the middle of fifth avenue and his fans would still support him. we decided to put that to the
test. we went on the streets and told people who support donald trump about a bunch of made up things he did at a press conference. he did not do any of them. i don't think he even had a press conference today, but that didn't stop people from claiming he did and they saw it in tonight's lie witness news. >> what did you think about the moment during donald trump's big press conference this morning when he did that one-armed pushup? >> that was impressive for an older guy. >> how many did you count? >> i would say almost five. >> what did you think about when he showed that video of him leg wrestling vladimir putin? >> it was crazy, yeah. it's pretty cool a guy like that down to earth like that, leg wrestling a guy from another country. >> what did you think of donald trump's announcement that he would build a wall extending through new mexico as well, because mexico is mexico and they come in through there as
well. >> i think it's great. we're under threat. it's what we need. he's a no nonsense guy. he's going to take care of us. >> do you think the wall around new mexico will help protect us a little bit? >> everything will help. >> even though it's part of the u.s.? >> right. >> what did you think about donald trump announcing that he's hoping to make separate security lines at airports for people of islamic dissent? >> it should speed things up. we had a pretty long wait at the airport. anything that speeds it up, i'm for that. >> was it cool when donald trump fired a gun into the air during the press conference? >> it was. that's one of his many traits, trying to be different. which is what gets him the attention that he needs. >> describe the audience's reaction when he fired the gun, the way they were cheering. >> they were, like, on, honestly, i haven't seen a crowd that excited about somebody. it was pretty nice to see. >> thank you for your honesty. >> you're welcome. >> what did you think about
donald trump saying hillary clinton has a huge ass. >> she does. she has big legs too. that's why she always wears a pantsuit. you know that. >> what do you think of donald's plan to put a man on jupiter by 2018? >> why not? >> well, it's a gas giant. >> so what. he'll figure something out. donald is a genius. >> jimmy: we're going to make jupiter great again too. we'll take a break. when we come back, a special report from our super fan, jake. for those of you unfamiliar, here he is at a trump rally in dallas last fall. >> co-you see in the back, they have the best view. can you see it's really my hair? >> jimmy: that's jake in the hat. when we come back, j bird goes into enemy territory at a bernie sanders rally. stick around.
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>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. donald trump and music from gregory porter on the way. first, donald trump has won over a huge number of voters. none more than jake. he's a super fan. he's popped up at a lot of trump events. this weekend he ventured to san diego to file this special report from a bernie sanders rally. >> jake bird, i'm here at a bernie sanders rally in san diego. it's like comicon. let's go talk to some hippies. ♪ >> she has a few things that are
iffy on her resume, but that's really all i'm going to say about hillary. >> exactly. hillary wipes her servers. donald trump's servers wipe him. >> yes. >> you ask hillary one thing one year, something else, something else. i don't trust -- >> i don't know how i feel about that sign. first off, it's make love. we're all here for the same reason, to get donald trump elected. people think donald trump and bernie sanders are so dirchffer. they're both new yorkers and outsiders and make a dynamite ranch dress. they both know if hillary is elected, she'll force men to sit down when they make yellow. >> i haven't decided who to vote for yet. i hate hillary. that's step one. >> a step in the right direction. bernie is jewish. he can't read the bible.
but two corinthians says you should build a wall. >> what? >> this is a country of the little guy. >> look at those little guys. i love your shirt. it's bernie. a lot of people say bert and ernie were man on man lovers. i hope they used a rubber duck can i. >> listen to this. this is from bernie sanders book. money is ruining politics in this country. america is being run by millionaires and billionaires in. they don't speak for the middle class except maybe donald trump. he seems like a pretty cool dude. i would have a beer with him. i'd endorse him for president. bernie sanders's book. >> he's the first guy who was ever worthy of my vote. >> and he's a guy. we know a president shouldn't be a girl. it should be a boy. it's not the ovary office. the commander in chief, not the
commander in chicos. >> yeah. >> feel the bern. >> i do feel the bern every time i hold my tinkle and watch real housewives of america. >> this sweet 93-year-old woman in vermont came up with being, by the name of ruth, and i've been teaching people in line. we want to sing it in the rally. i'll sing it for you if you'd like. >> do you take it in your mouth, mrs. murphy. >> no, please. please. >> it's got hair around its neck like a turkey. it. >> we're on a journey with bernie and we're mere here to lu know ♪ ♪ that we're in it to win it and to the white house we'll go ♪ >> donald trump. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's the old guy.
that's the old guy shuffling up to the stage right now. that's the guy. tickle, tickle, tickle. >> donny, donny. donny. >> climate change is real. >> here we go. >> climate change is -- climate change is already causing devastating problems. states have the right to determine whether or not marijuana should be legal, and by the way, if i were here in california and living in california, i would vote for that proposition. [ cheers ] >> stoner. >> we cannot elect a president who insults mexicans and latinos. >> come on. lighten up, everybody. it's a party. >> and california is going to lead us into the political
revolution. thank you all. [ applause ] >> get a haircut, hippy. there you have it, they're basically the same person. run bernie, run, burn it all down. jake bird, out. [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. jake bird, everybody. >> dtf. donald trump forever. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, gregory porter and we'll be right back with donald trump. stick around. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by overwatch now on console and pc. go to "play-overwatch-dot-com" for more info.
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we'll cook with two chefs named frank. we'll be very frank on tomorrow's show. please be aware of that, and now it's time for our first guest. like a tangerine tinted orange zest. he's the presumptivive nominee for president of the united states. please welcome donald trump. ♪ [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thanks for coming. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i'm glad to have you here. i know you're busy and so much has happened since the last time you were here. >> it's true. a lot. >> jimmy: you got more votes
than any republican candidate ever. >> ever in history. >> jimmy: ever in history. you're the presumptivive nominee. you taught the world about your taco bowls which was the highlight of sin koe cinco de m me. when you started this, i have to believe you thought this will be fun, a four-month thing, and you never imagined it would go this far. is that true? >> i've been asked that occasion, and i have to say you never know what's going to happen. i wanted to do it. we have such potential in the country. i was supposed to be working, as you know, until august. they were thinking we'd need a second convention, even. we have the convention in july and they said we'd need another one in august. in the meantime, indiana and new york and pennsylvania, all of them, they were so great, and the victory was so big that i am now here and watching hillary. it was supposed to be the other way around, and i enjoy watching
her. >> jimmy: are you enjoying the hillary, bernie struggle that is happening right now? >> i do. it's getting nasty. i had no idea it was going to be so nasty. bernie -- >> jimmy: and you don't like that -- [ applause ] >> i hate to see it. >> jimmy: in 2008, you said you thought hillary would make an excellent president. it was released 2012 you thought she was terrific. what happened? what did she do? >> i'll tell you. when i'm a businessman. i had a beautiful story where they said trump is a world class businessman. i speak well of everybody. if people ask me about politicians, i speak well. everybody is wonderful. and that's the way it is. including contributions. they ask fe more contributions, i give them. >> jimmy: so you were full of bp bp when you said it?
>> maybe. >> jimmy: i have to ask you, i don't think you're taking credit for this, and this is something that i think is brilliant, and i know what your official position on this is, but let's just forget them for a second. that call with that people magazine reporter, that guy who sounded like you calling and going, yeah, and then trump did this. >> it didn't sound like me really. you think that sounded like me? >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know how people hear their voice -- >> the reporter came back and said, i think trump gave out the tape. give me a break, from 28 years ago. >> jimmy: why would you? it was funny. >> i think they didn't want to have the liability. i discussed this the other night on the sean hannity show. it was a good discussion. check it out. to me that didn't sound like my voice. >> jimmy: nobody sounds like themselves when they hear themselves, but to me it sounded just like you. >> really? >> jimmy: and if it was you, i think it was a funny thing to
do, to call a guy and take him through the ringer like that. >> over the years i've used aisle alias, especially when i was in brooklyn and wanted to buying?. nobody knew me. it wasn't so much important, but i would never want to use my name because you had to pay more money. >> jimmy: what names did you use? >> i actually used a name barren, and i ended up using my son. i made a good deal using that name. i used an alias in terms of setting up in a meeting with donald trump. and many people in the real estate business do that, and you have to. nobody wants to pay more money. >> jimmy: when you name a kid barron, does it put pressure on him to welcome one. >> he's a good boy. >> jimmy: do you drive him to school and do those kinds of things? >> i have. >> jimmy: do you play games?
>> all the time. >> jimmy: do you ever let him win? >> i want to win. no. i want him to win. my children, by the way, have done well. i have great children, five of them, and i want them to be successful. i want them to do really well. that's the whole deal with your children. i have friends that are very successful, and they actually don't like seeing their son or daughter do better than them. there aren't too many where that happens. they're not very good fathers or parents, but i've seen many people where they're competitive with their children. >> jimmy: if one of your kids ran against you for president, would you crush them too? >> i would try. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you would? that would be crazy. did you fire ben carson from your vice presidential -- >> no. >> jimmy: did he quit? >> ben carson is a great person. >> jimmy: it seems like he's half out of it all the time. >> no. he's very smart. he's a very fine person, and i have ben and everybody looking.
i have a lot of different people looking. ultimately we'll make a decision, i'll make the decision. we have good candidates. we have some wonderful people. i know you're sort of in the -- >> jimmy: i would like to be considered, yes. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i do have a couple questions about that. when you put a guy in charge, when you say, ben, will you help me find a vice president j is that a nice way of saying, ben, you are not going to be my vice president? >> well, ben will be involved. he did very well, and when you look at what happened during the race, ben was right up there for a while and did a good job. >> jimmy: and then we got to know him. you steam rolled him is what happened. >> no, i didn't want to steam roll anybody, frankly. we have some good people up on the stage. >> jimmy: you didn't want to steam roll ted cruz? you're really growing up. >> ted and i had some problems. >> jimmy: can i make a suggestion about the vice presidential thing. do it like celebrity apprentice.
get them in a room, whatever you have, and then each week it would be the highest rated show in the history of television. >> a good idea. >> jimmy: you eliminate one person and they go back to where they came from. this is why i would be your best vice president. [ applause ] dump donald trump is here. we'll be right back. you know when i first started out, it was all pencil and paper. the surface pro is very intuitive. i can draw lightly, just like i would with a real pencil. i've been a forensic artist for over 30 years. i do the composite sketches which are the bad guy sketches.
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>> we're back with the republican nominee for president. only 28 million delegates to grab? >> very few, and i think it's probably this week n. it's going to be mine. >> jimmy: you're going to a big fundraiser later on tonight. >> raising money for the republican party. >> jimmy: part of it goes to you? >> a little bit. >> jimmy: most of it goes to the republican party. >> much of it, senators and congressmen. we want to keep it the way it is, and hopefully if i'm president, we'll have a nice senate and congress and get things passed and reduce your taxes. would you like to have a tax reduction? [ applause ] >> and many other things. >> jimmy: when you go to an event like this and obviously everyone knows you're a billionaire many times over and you ask these people for money, do they go, like, why are you asking us for money? is it like papa john taking up a
collection for a pizza delivery? >> it's a crazy thing. i ran in the primaries and said i don't want anybody's money. i put in about $55 million of my own money. it sounds like a lot of money, but that's practically less -- other people spent 200 odd million. i spent less and had the best result. that's what we want for president, right? and now we're going to raise out a billion dollars for senate and the congress. >> jimmy: you get the first 54 $00. which is nothing. do you even want to be president? do you know what the salary is? >> i'm going to make $1. i'm giving it all back. >> jimmy: it's $400,000, and the first lady makes $10,000 a year. they pay her. that's like a pair of shoes. >> tomorrow, a lawsuit will be filed by somebody. >> jimmy: it's anti-female. at this dinner tonight, are they
famous people going that don't want to be identified? >> they're very rich people and very successful people, and in many cases, very liberal people, and they're voting for me. people will be surprised. i'm going to make a heavy play for california. no other republican candidate wasted time in california to win the state. i think i can win. we were just recently i was here, 31,000 people showed up for a speech on one day's notice. i think we can do great in california and win california. i'm going to put in a heavy play. i own a lot of property in california. >> jimmy: are you threatening to evict us if we don't -- >> yes. i think we can do great in california, and i'll make a play for new york as well. >> jimmy: people like dennis rodman and others, when they endorse you, do you go hey, i don't need, you know, thanks but maybe not? >> honestly, i've had great endorsements. mike tyson endorsed me.
you saw that? >> jimmy: i did. >> i've had great endorsements. one of the great ones, and i think one with a big impact was bobby knight who said trump is really the one we want, and bobby night, 900 games, three national championships. he had the last undefeated college team, in indiana and everywhere else, he's a legend for a coach. he said trump is the guy. >> jimmy: you said, and i thought this was interesting, you believe transgender people should be able to use whatever bathroom they want to. that's contrary to what most people in your party believe. they do you think people are focussed on that? >> what i'm saying, and i think it's simple, let the states decide. we have to protect everybody. right now it's a small group. >> jimmy: are you saying if you were voting personally, you in new york state, that you would vote for the right? >> the party generally believes that whatever you're born,
that's the bathroom you use. >> jimmy: but what about you? >> me, i say let the states decide. >> jimmy: would you personally support it? i think you do. >> no, what i support is let the states decide, and i think they'll do hopefully the right thing. >> jimmy: what's that? >> i don't know yet. honestly, i don't know. it's a very interesting circumstance. >> jimmy: it's a stupid thing to be focussed on. don't we have bigger problems? >> the world is blowing apart. lots of bad things are happening, but something has to be discussed, but i say let the states decide. >> jimmy: i'll give you an n/a on that one. who do you like more, barnlerni sanders or hillary clinton? >> well, i think bernie would be easier to beat even though he shows up better in the polls, but what i like about bernie, when he loses because the system is rigged against him like it was against me. the system is rigged. and if i didn't win by massive landslides every state, there was no chance for me to win.
he's having the same thing except she has a different kind of a deal with super delegates. >> jimmy: do you understand how that works? i don't. >> nobody understands it, but it's an unfair system. i understand the bosses hand out delegates and whoever gets the most superdelegates has a good advantage. it's unfair to him. i don't like what's happening, and i watch it. and we had it too. the republicans, in a more sophisticated way. the super delegates are obvious. the republican system is also, and i came up, i think i came up with the word rigged because i was screaming the system was rigged. then i started winning by so much that it didn't matter whether or not it was rigged. it's like the prize fighter. they go in and if they knock the guys out, it doesn't matter if the judges are rigged. i think it's unfair what's happening to bernie sanders, actually, and it's a system that's not a good system. >> jimmy: he's going to be here tomorrow to ask a question.
have you met him? have you ever met before? >> i've never really had the privilege. >> jimmy: i see. here's the question from bernie. he asked hillary clinton backed out of an -- hillary clinton backed out of an agreement to debate me in california. are you prepared to debate the major issues facing our largest state and the country before the california primary? yes or no. >> yes, i am. how much is he going to pay me? >> jimmy: you would do it for a price? >> yeah. if i debated him, we would have such high ratings, and i think i should give, take that money and give it to some worthy charity. okay? >> jimmy: if it was done for charity you would agree to do that? >> if he paid a nice sum for charity, you would like it. >> jimmy: what if the network put up the money? >> that could happen. i've been saying that should happen anyway. when we did the republican debates, the fox had 24 million people. the largest in the history of cable television.
cnn had 23 million people. think of it. cnn with the wars and all the things they cover, it's the largest audience they've ever had. the largest audience ever on cable was fox a couple of weeks before. and i must say i think i had a lot to do with that, okay? i said why aren't we getting paid and give the money to charity, and i actually, as you know, i've been saying get paid, pick good charities and give it to charities. >> jimmy: you have so much self-esteem. where does that come from? >> i feel good about myself. i feel like i know what i'm doing. i think that this is something -- i've only been doing this for nine months. >> jimmy: right. have you ever been to a psychiatrist? >> no, i haven't. i don't have time. the answer is keep nice and busy. >> jimmy: when you come up with nicknames for these days. crazy bernie, crooked hillary, do you have a team of people that work or do you brainstorm
or is it you? >> the team is right there. >> jimmy: right there. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you just go right on twitter with it. do you have twitter on your phone? >> and then i get rid of them, because i don't want to be calling him lying ted or little marco. low energy jeb. >> jimmy: you should come up with one for bill clinton. >> i don't know to do anything like that. but i have come up with crooked hillary. you know what's going on? she's crooked. she had a rough report today. that's a sad report. >> jimmy: last time you were here, this became popular. people even started boog ltlegg it. i've written a sequel. donald trump is here when we come back. vy cruze
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infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. want more proof? ask your rheumatologist about humira. what's your body of proof?
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instagram. there you are with your granddaughter. the book is winners aren't losers. >> she thinks it's great. >> jimmy: i have another one for her collection. it's called winners still aren't losers. let's put that up on the big screen so everyone can enjoy it, and everybody settle in. i'll read it to you. winners aren't losers. id told you before, but that is not all. there is more, so much more. come along. if you don't want to die sad and poor. do you like to win? i'll teach you for a fee. when you enroll at win university. tuition, five jillon, six million and three. everyone graduates, just ask my alumni like buffett and gates. the first thing i'll teach you is how to deebate. say great, nothing else. never tell them your plans. then depart with a wave of your long fingered hands.
[ applause ] >> jimmy: just how do i do it? how do i win? i use any insult-amagulagi. in ten minutes flat, they're all over the web. the next thing you'll need is to send out a tweet. make it hard, mean, knock them right off their feet. hit them square in the chin for a tweet with some heat is what you need to win. you see, there's mitt romney and everybody there. here are some losers who tried to defeat me but now they've joined me because they can't defeat me. this sweet lovely lady who ruined hp? no? oh well. here are some heads. these are heads you can use. they talk all day on tv cable news. say crazy things and skip the news.
live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank donald trump and apologize to matt damon we ran out of time. nightline is next but first, his album is called "take me to the alley" here with the song "holding on", gregory porter!
♪ weight of love on my shoulders i thought that it would be easier than this ♪ ♪ i thought my heart had grown colder but the warmth of your kiss i can't dismiss ♪ ♪ though my past has left me bruised i ain't hiding from the truth ♪ ♪ when the truth won't let me lie right next to you ♪ ♪ but it's holding on and it's holding strong even though i tried to make it played ♪ ♪ the part but i can't fake it it keeps holding on and it's holding strong ♪ ♪ even though i tried to break it heaven knows that i can't shake it ♪
♪ holding on holding on holding on holding on ♪ ♪ i've seen times that were harder i remember the taste of bitterness ♪ ♪ won't you help me my father help me fall in the love that i have missed ♪ m though my past has left me bruised i ain't hiding from the truth ♪ ♪ when the truth won't let me lie right next to you ♪ ♪ but it's holding on and it's holding strong
even though i tried to make it played ♪ ♪ the part but i can't fake it it keeps holding on and it's holding strong ♪ ♪ even though i tried to break it heaven knows that i can't shake it ♪ ♪ whoa - ohh whoa - ohh holding on holding on ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ but it's holding on and it's holding strong even though i tried
to make it played ♪ ♪ the part but i can't fake it it keeps holding on and it's holding strong ♪ ♪ even though i tried to break it heaven knows that i can't shake it ♪ ♪ holding on holding on holding on holding on it keeps holding on it keeps holding on ♪ ♪ it keeps holding on ♪ it keeps holding on holding on holding on holding on ♪
this is a special edition of "nightline." daughters for sale. >> tonight -- >> when i grow up, i'd like to be a doctor. >> from a picture perfect childhood to being sold for sex online. >> i was shocked. they took everything from my little girl. >> back page.com. we're with vice cops on a sting. and we track down the man behind -- you're a father. what do you want to say to him? >> this special edition of "nightlin "nightline," daughters for sale, will be right back.