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tv   Nightline  ABC  July 29, 2016 12:37am-1:08am EDT

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this time around. some presidential years, you hear people say they are the same. they are not the same this year. hillary clinton and donald trump will spend every minute until november 8 trying to tell us how they are deferent and how each other would be totally unacceptable. one hopes they will stress ideas, plans, solutions because we need those to make a choice worthy of our democracy or at least what our democracy is supposed to be. we need to respect the candidate, but they need to respect us. we appreciate the opportunity to make you part of the experience of the dnc. for each one of us on the air, there are about eight people working off the air, behind the scenes. without them, people like me would be just talking to the wall. we hope you have enjoyed our work because we want you back four years from now. for the entire "action news" team, i'm jim gardner.
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good nielth.
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♪ ♪ >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- greg kinnear -- from the ufc, dana white -- this week in unnecessary censorship -- and comedian dino archie. with cleto andd now, hunker dow jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: welcome to you program. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. it's one more night of politics, tonight from philadelphia, the home of rocky balboa and cream cheese, the season finale of the democratic national convention. the big question tonight, would hillary clinton accept the nomination, or america go home crying in a limousine in the most dramatic presidential nomination yet? and she accepted the nomination. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it was a historic night. we're either going to have our first female president, or first president who sold a line of steaks at the sharper image. remember that? by the way, i just want to say, after the two weeks of all this every night, i'm pretty sure everybody knows who they're voting for. so why don't we save a lot of time and vote now. i mean, really, we're going to sit around and wait for the ones
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who haven't decided yet? after she spoke tonight, instead of the balloon drop, bill clinton climbed to the top of the rafters and released all the old condoms he had -- [ laughter and applause ] last night, president obama gave mrs. clinton a powerful endorsement at the end of which, she joined him on stage for an embrace that was about as awkward as when the groom dances with his mother-in-law at a wedding. you know, hillary clinton's secret service code name is evergreen. bill clinton's is eagle. donald trump's key name is mogul. it is. and the secret service code name for melania was just revealed. it's muse. she wanted to be called moose, but they couldn't understand what she was saying. mike pence's code name is
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hoosier. this is when i'm especially sad donald trump didn't pick chris christie to be his running mate, because there's no way his code name wouldn't be hilarious no matter what it was. [ applause ] if you're going to announce someone's code name, why give them a code name? hillary's choice for running mate, virginia senator tim kaine gave a speech last night, where he revealed that not only does he habula espanol, he's got a way to do donald trump. >> he's got a way to make the same two words, every time he makes his biggest, hugest promises. believe me. it's gonna be great, believe me. we're going to build a wall and make mexico pay for it, believe me. we're going to destroy isis so fast. believe me. there's nothing suspicious in my tax returns.
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believe me. >> jimmy: she believes him. he did such a convincing trump that tim kaine is now leading hillary clinton by 3%. since the candidates are now doing impressions, we decided to do the same. we went to the dnc this week, we went to the rnc last week, with sock puppets of hillary clinton and donald trump. we handed the clinton puppet to republicans and the trump puppets to democrats and let the impersonations fly. ♪ ♪ >> can you do an impression of donald trump talking about hillary clinton? >> hillary clinton is crooked hillary. hillary needs to learn that law and order -- law and order -- is where this country needs to go. >> give me an impression of hillary clinton. >> la la la la la la la la. if the mouth is moving, she must be lying. >> what do you mean i have
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e-mails on my private server? no, they're all deleted. >> well, first, we're going to build a real big wall, and then we're going to make them pay for it. >> mr. trump, it's between god and satan, and god will win every time. >> and, mr. trump? >> well, i -- i am better than god. >> do you write speeches for him? >> why do you expect the american people will believe what you have done, when you have done so many things that have hurt us and that we will get no relief -- >> let her talk a little. >> -- with the world you have left us in with barack obama? >> well, i think that i have done everything right. i have given -- hey, you're a white guy. hey, you're an older person. hey, you're a republican. what do i have in common with
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you? why would i talk to you? >> let's go out on a date. she likes you. >> i would say no, he cannot make america great again. and what do he mean about making america great again. >> what would he say to that. >> you misunderstood me. i said i'm going to make america hate again. >> compliment her hat. say something about her hat. >> no. >> i'll give you something. >> what will you give me? >> free schooling. >> free anything. >> it's a pretty good hillary. >> thank you. this is my first time. would you like five or ten minutes alone with that? >> no. >> what would you like to say to hillary clinton? >> drop dead. no, i'm serious. >> do me a favor, drink this bottle of water and have her sing yangee doodle dandy. >> i don't think that's going to
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happen. >> jimmy: it's politics bringing us together, we're in a lot of trouble. donald trump is having a bumpy week. there's a big investigation today from buzzfeed that shows trumps private club, mar-a-lago and the golf club he owns filed applications to import 78 foreign workers to come into the u.s. to work for him. because it's very unlike him to say one thing and do the other. [ laughter and applause ] he wants to build a wall and bring in foreign workers. it's like he's playing a game of tick tack toe against himself. or maybe this is a telemundo prank show. we sent a bunch of workers to the united states. wait until they find out who their new boss is. trump also claimed that he was joking when he said he hoped russia would find her e-mails.
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and on that thought, please welcome the troompaloompas, everybody. ♪ troompaloompa dumpety-do ♪ i've got another puzzle for you ♪ ♪ troompaloompa doompety dee ♪ if you are wise ♪ you'll listen to me. ♪ ♪ you should think twice what you have them to do ♪ ♪ someday the russians might hurt you ♪ ♪ it might take your tax returns ♪ ♪ troompaloompa dumpety do ♪ you will live in happiness too ♪ ♪ like the troompaloompa doompety do ♪ ♪ ♪ i must break you
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, troompaloompas. he imported them too. we have to take a break. when we come back, that loser matt damon was on jimmy fallon last night, attacking me. we'll talk about that, and this week in unnecessary censorship too. so stick around, wroob. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ . we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ everyone in the family. t a free samsung galaxy for that's right, a free samsung galaxy with every new line and get 4 lines with 6 gigs each for just 30 bucks a line. plus everybody gets unlimited streaming from their favorite services. don't wait. get a free samsung galaxy for everyone. so get t-mobile now.
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who do you talk to for military advice right now? i'm hillary clinton and i approved this message. well, i watch the shows. i mean i really see a lot of great - you know, when you watch your show and all of the other shows... while donald trump watched tv, as secretary of state, hillary clinton negotiated a cease fire in gaza. a reduction in nuclear weapons... took on vladimir putin... and stood up against the trafficking of human beings. a steady leader in an unsteady world. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: sitting in with the cletones. welcome back to the show.
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greg kinnear is on the way. i don't want to ruin the mood, but i'm beside myself with rage. can you see how much i'm shaking? look at this. look at my hand. i'm very angry, because matt damon -- do you know who that is? i didn't ask for shouts of joy. anyway, he has -- matt damon has a new jason bourne moving coming out tomorrow. i have no plans to see it. i don't know anybody that wants to see it, but he's going around trying to convince people to waste money on it. this is what happened last night on "the tonight show." >> i've seen you on talk shows. you've been on jimmy kimmel, i've seen that. >> no, no, i haven't. >> you called me, one invite, boom, here, made it on the show. that's how you host a tv show. >> that's gonna hurt his feelings. >> jimmy: oh, really? that's how you host a talk show?
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well, then i have some very bad news for you, matt. you're not getting on the show again tonight either. that's right, you're not on the show again tonight. sorry, dummy, we can't hear anything you're saying. you can sit there all night long for all i care. we have better guests anyway. poor greg kinnear had to be siamese twins with is ththat gu a whole movie. anyway, back to the convention. snoop dogg is in philadelphia right now. he's hosting what they call a unity party. it is easy to be united when everyone is high, i will say that. but snoop is not your average popstar. he -- snop has his mind on his money and his money on his mind. but he also has a deep interest in learning. so tonight, we challenged him to see what product is being made. we showed him video from a
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factory. well, it explains itself. >> what up, this is big snoop dogg, trying to get how this [ bleep ]'s made. let me see what they making right here. oh, that's cereal. that's cream of wheat. wait a minute, maybe sheep hair. ooh, what is that, boo boo? flour. cookie dough. manure. chocolate. that look like a malt. chocolate malt. damn. what is it? oh, beef jerky? hotdogs? this is a hotdog? oh, man, i ain't never eating no hotdog. [ laughter and applause ] every time i see my kid with a hotdog, i'm knocking that [ bleep ] out of his hands. if that's how they make hotdogs, i don't want one of them. oh, kuz.
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[ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: one more thing before we forge ahead to this thursday night, which means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week. whether they need it or not, it's this week in unnecessary censorship. >> i want to start off by [ bleep ] my beautiful wife ann. >> tonight i ask you to do for hillary clinton, what you did for me. i ask you to [ bleep ] her, the same way you [ bleep ] me. >> i wanted to [ bleep ] my [ bleep ]. >> i still see the donald trump who likes to [ bleep ] people in the [ bleep ] when he feels it. >> pat lewis, are you [ bleep ] in your britches this morning? >> one, two, three, [ bleep ] you. >> don't let anyone ever tell you that this [ bleep ] isn't great. >> i think it's an all hands on [ bleep ] big time. >> i'm a norker and i know a
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[ bleep ] when i see one. >> the dirty [ bleep ] you know is better than the dirty [ bleep ] you don't know. >> sometimes a jockey needs a horse. it isn't always pleasant to watch, but it gets results. >> ooh, he likes it when you roll him over and ride on his [ bleep ]. >> show of hands, who likes small [ bleep ]? >> i do actually. >> she's a natural leader. she's a good organizer and she's the best darn [ bleep ] i ever met in my entire life. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a good show for you tonight. we've got joe bonamassa sitting in with the cletones, comedian dino archie is here, from the ufc dana white is here, and we'll be right back with greg kinnear. so stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live!" are brought to you
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♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] joe bonamassa sitting in the
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cletones. where's joe's album? do i have it? it's right in front of my face. this giant square they couldn't find. it's called "blues of desperation." they're saying it's the feel-good album of the summer. so pick that up. joe will be here all night. and the multi millionaire, promoting ufc, dana white is with us tonight. and this is his cd, it's called choosy lover, dino archie is here with us. next week on the show, we have a lot of guests and i'll name them noun, chris pine, salma hayek, hugh grant, morgan freeman, jojo the bachelorette, whoever she did or didn't pick. funny if she comes alone.
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mark consuelos, nikki glaser, steve martorano, and we will have music from kelsea ballerini, grouplove, miranda lambert, and young the giant. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a multi-talented fellow who has oscar and golden globe nomination certificates in a drawer and an emmy welded to the hood of his car. his new drama, "little men," opens in theaters a week from tomorrow. please welcome greg kinnear. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i like your facial hair. is this our own hair, or is this hair that belongs to a character that you're playing? >> matt damon's backstage, and he's pissed. okay? get all your jokes out now, because he's rocking up that dana white backstage. >> jimmy: i'm glad he's not so crazy glued to you. must have been the worst weeks
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of your life. >> matt and i did a movie called "stuck on you," it was during that phase when they were making a lot of con joined twin films. >> jimmy: i wonder if that will come back around. >> it's a cyclical cycle. and it was brought to my attention the other day, that the person who separated us was dr. ben carson. no kidding. that's absolutely true. >> jimmy: dr. ben carson. yeah, at that time, we didn't know how interesting he was. we just thought he was a genius. >> listen, he's the only actor i've ever worked with who was able to give me an ekg after the scene was over, but, yeah -- >> jimmy: that's really crazy. have you been working all summer? >> i've been editing a movie. i directed a film at the end of last year. >> jimmy: oh, what's the title? >> it is an untitled project. >> jimmy: you should give it a title. you really need to. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what's the hold up?
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maybe we can figure it out tonight with the audience. what's it about? [ cheers and applause ] >> a depressed dentist in the portland area. >> jimmy: depressed dentist in portland who basically meets a man who has everything who ends up taking his own life by suicide. so he's trying to save his life by finding out an unraveling mystery as to why this guy did that, and in the course of this, becomes a greek plumber. >> jimmy: i have the title. drilling deep. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: right? >> it's not a porn film. >> jimmy: well, we'll come up with it later, then, i guess. >> talk backstage. >> jimmy: yeah. with your family -- how many kids do you have now? >> i have three daughters. >> jimmy: three daughters. do they go to camp at this time
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of year? >> you knowhat,theydon't go to camp. my wife's from england, and this is an ongoing debate. they just don't have camps in europe as much as they do here. it's not as much a part of the culture. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i didn't know that. >> yeah. i didn't either. so i'd like them to go to camp. but i had kind of a bad experience. i truthfully did have a very bad -- it wasn't bad for me, but there was a somewhat -- >> jimmy: can you tell us what happened? >> i can't tell you. >> jimmy: eh, come on. >> i was -- i'm from the midwest, from indiana. any indiana here? >> jimmy: no, we don't allow them in. go ahead. [ laughter ] >> this concludes the interview, ladies and gentlemen. i actually was at this camp as a kid. and there was a -- there was a gentleman, you know, it was standard camp. did you go to camp as

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