tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 2, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EST
>> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, president george w. bush -- from "making history," adam pally -- and this week in unnecessary censorship. and now, guess what, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome. that's very nice. hi, everybody, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. we have -- oh, we got a great show for you tonight. the reason for all the extra security. one of the most famous painters in the world is here tonight, president george w. bush is with
us. [ cheers and applause ] i have to say, i still can't get over the fact that president bush is painting. i would have been less surprised if he started fighting for the ufc after his eight years in office, but he's painting now, and he'll be out, we'll get to the important subjects, trump, the attorney general, how mr. t will do on "dancing with the stars." but first it was another commotional day in washington. the u.s. attorney general jeff sessions, found himself in a bit of a pickle after testifying under oath last month that he had no contact with russia or russian operatives about the presidential election campaign, and the "washington post" ran a story saying he met with the russian ambassador, known as a top russian spy and recruiter, not once but twice. jeff sessions said, campaign?
i thought he said champagne. so there was a mix-up. sessions admitted he did meet with the ambassador, but they didn't discuss the campaign. they met because he wanted to know how russia wanted to make the dolls that fit inside each other. he's absolutely fascinated by them. before members of both parties called on sessions to recuse himself from all investigation of potential ties between the trump campaign and russia, today he did. he held a press conference where he recused himself and climbed back into his tree to go back to making cookies with the other elves. he did do one very smart thing, jeff sessions, in light of this potential association with russia. either he or someone in his camp decided not to send him out there with a red solo cup, they found a green one. i don't know if he's getting a jump of st. patrick's day, but that's good thinking. [ laughter and applause ] also from our local news in l.a., two little boys, best friends, had the idea of trying
to pull a fast one on a teacher at school. >> weldon got a hair cut because he wanted to look like his best friend, jackson. both were hoping to trick their preschool teacher, hoping she would not be able to tell them apart, because they'd have the same hair cut. the boys say they plan to trick their teacher this week. >> jimmy: yeah, but now the trick is ruined, because they put it on the news. [ laughter and applause ] some adults just don't get it. here in southern california, michael jackson's neverland ranch is back on the market. for $67 million, you can live where michael jackson did some really weird stuff. when it first went on the market last year, it was listed at $100 million. no one wanted it. so they took it off the market and put it back on the market, cut price by $33 million. michael must be rolling over in his hyperbearic chamber a mile
below disneyland right now. it comes with a pool house, movie theater, railroad, a dance studio and a zoo. for $67 million, who would be dumb enough to buy a zoo? [ laughter and applause ] you'd have to be an embesil. any of you planning to see the movie wolverine this weekend? now that the oscars are over, we can focus on the good movies. logan is expected to be the big weekend. we invite yahya to review them. tonight, we give you yahya talking about the new hugh jackman movie "logan." >> go now. go.
what i -- about this movie? hi, it's me, yahya. i talking about the new movie. the new movie behind me is called leggona. it's hugh jacqukman, very nice y guy. wolferi, bombs come out, and he like knife, come out. in that movie, he want to save the girl, and his knife cut everything. he's in a lot, and also x man, x man 1, 2, 3, i don't know, 4. >> we got ourselves an xman fan. >> and the good guy, his name bat stewer. he's on the "star trek," and also jason drak yulea 2. and the rabbit cop. the movie with the have-away,
and french people talking like music, and she sound the movie all music, spoiler alert, spoiler alert. but the movie, in the end, i don't see it, i don't know. >> [ bleep ]. >> go watch the movie. it's good movie. it's yahya. good luck watching the movie. cut! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, jahya. i'm excited president bush is here tonight. i'm so interested in what life is like after being president of the united states. does that interest you guillermo? >> yes. >> jimmy: what specifically interests you about it? what is it you would like to know from the president? >> like what is his hobby. >> jimmy: well, we know he likes to paint. >> and what else. we want to know what else. >> jimmy: anyway, the former president is making the rounds
this week to promote his book, which means he's been on the news more, in people's heads. we decided to have fun with that. we asked people about a number of fake news items, things we made up, involving the former president and his artwork. this is how that came out in tonight's special w. edition of lie witness news. ♪ ♪ >> so, as you know, president george w. bush has been dabbling in art in his retirement. >> yes. >> if you could just give your honest appraisal of some of his early works. what did you think about this painting, the abstract? >> oh, yeah, it's a cutie, and i like how -- this looks like a shoe. >> yes. >> you know, it's just so creative. i think it's just this child-like charm that he has help. >> as you know, today, president george w. bush called an emergency press conference to unveil his new collection of paintings. what do you think about this beautiful work of art that represents a more photo
realistic side? >> i think it's very important. he's obviously a very important character to the american people and i think that it's a good representation of a good role model and someone that we all look up to. >> do you think president bush looks up to the young wizard depicted in this painting? >> i think absolutely. i think everyone should. he has been with us since we were young and we grew up with him. and i think he'd be silly not to. >> as you know, president bush has become a painter in his retirement. he loves painting a variety of subjects. what do you think of this moving portrait of hip-hop legend tupac, do you think it captures his essence? >> i do, i do. i'm a tupac fan, actually. >> did you hear on the news when president bush said, this is my opus, this is what i want to be remembered for? >> yeah, i do now. >> where did you see that? >> i think i saw it on cbs. >> i mean, it's nice.
>> what about it is nice? >> it's different. a cat. >> does it show a softer side? >> yeah, i was going to say that. it shows a little softer, sweeter side. >> what about this peacock says president bush to you? >> i'd say like the funny little hair there, like when his hair's all out of place. >> sometimes bush needs to run a comb through it? >> and maybe the weird little sweater, maybe bush wears that on christmas. i don't know. >> do you think the background, the red marks on the yellow background, represents the chaotic nature of governments? >> i wouldn't say that. i'd say it looks like he really loves strawberries. >> were your friends sharing pictures of president bush's cat on social media this morning? >> yes, they were. i saw it all over my news feed. >> what do you think of this painting by president george w. bush? >> listen, i am president george w. bush, and i did not paint
that damn thing. >> thank you for your time, sir. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: none of those were his. one more thing before we forge ahead, it's thursday night, time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week, whether they need it or not. it's this week in unnecessary censorship. >> everyone put their heart and souls into this film. i'm gonna find you all individually, and i'm going to [ bleep ] you, along with my friends who i love so much. i'm going to [ bleep ] the hell out of you when the feeling re-enters my body. >> if you're like me, and your [ bleep ] is sagging a little bit. >> what the american people saw is the president i serve with every day, broad shoulders, a big [ bleep ], and he laid out a specific agenda. >> and in another surprising change of character, mr. trump sent only one tweet, two words, [ bleep ] you. >> well, yesterday, i [ bleep ] for the first time on air, after losing a weather-related bet.
>> now it's time for us to take the next step in our journey. we're going to ple[ bleep ]. >> last night you looked at him and said, i can [ bleep ] this guy. >> yeah, i hope you all have a great evening. >> i love big [ bleep ] like that. >> and we also told president bush he had to [ bleep ] his secretary of defense. >> on that note, we have to take a quick break. >> i wanted to see what it felt like as a sworn-in president, and i said welcome, mr. president, and he said, [ bleep ] mr. president. >> we have some great movies. i knew i would [ bleep ] this show up, i really did. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a great now for you tonight. from the new show "making history," adam pally is here. and we'll be right back with president george w. bush. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] modern life deserves a modern way to pay.
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♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back to the show. he has a very funny new show called "making history," adam pally is here. i think he's planning to do something weird. next week we will be joined by emma watson, brie larson, tom hiddleston, ian somerhalder, doug benson, kal penn, gillian jacobs and we will have music from justin moore, spoon, future, and the return of mash-up monday. this is where we combine two bands to form one super group. on monday we mash lady antebellum up with bell biv devoe to form lady antebell biv devoe. [ cheers and applause ] so that should be fun. >> jimmy: our first guest was president of the united states
of america for eight years, which is probably enough resume-wise, but he is also a painter with a new book of stories and art called "portraits of courage: a commander in chief's tribute to america's warriors." please welcome the 43rd president of the united states, george w. bush! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? thank you for coming. i was just told, i was told moments ago that you requested a little meeting with jermaiguill before the show. >> donde esta guillermo.
>> jimmy: he's over there. and you spoke in spanish before the show. how was his spanish, guillermo? >> perfecto. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: when your vice president dick cheney, when he shot that guy in the face, how did he tell you? did he come in and close the door? how did that go down? >> what really irritated me about that, he shot the only trial lawyer for me in texas. >> jimmy: that's right. the guy was a lawyer. >> it was an unusual period. >> jimmy: i would imagine so. did it ever seem funny at all to you? >> well, every time cheney would come in, a lot of people yelled "duck"! >> jimmy: so you guys had fun with it? >> i did. >> jimmy: or in this case,
quail. >> it nnot bad. >> jimmy: and you lived in l.a. when you were a little kid for a time. >> yeah, i did. >> jimmy: and there's a photograph of you. you lived in compton, in the heart of l.a. for real, that's not a joke. when was this? >> i was 3. >> jimmy: 3 years old. >> yeah, my dad was selling oil field supplies. we also lived in bakersfield. >> jimmy: you have the gun pointed. i can't help but feel that you may have been the inspiration for other compton residents. [ laughter and applause ] i feel like maybe you might be the w. from nwa. how are your parents doing, by the way? >> thank you for asking. they're doing great. >> jimmy: i bet people are asking that all the time. >> yeah. you know, when he came out to flip the coin at the super bowl, it was a very joyful moment.
>> jimmy: i would imagine so. i think it was for the whole country really to see him doing that. >> yeah, he's a great guy. >> jimmy: i can't help but feel maybe he was faking it a little bit just so he didn't have to go to the inauguration. yes? [ laughter and applause ] he's no dummy. >> he's a funny man. >> jimmy: that wasn't a joke. [ laughter ] do you remember the first time you were at the white house? >> i do. you're not gonna believe this. 1969, i had a date with trisha nixon. >> jimmy: with president nixon's daughter? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how did that happen? >> it was an arranged date. >> jimmy: by whom? >> my dad. >> jimmy: oh, really? wow. >> yeah, it was interesting. >> jimmy: so do you pull up to the white house and say -- >> in a purple gremlin.
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: where did you take her? >> i took her to a dinner with -- my dad had a dinner for frank borman, who was an astronaut friend of his from houston. so i took her to the dinner. >> jimmy: so it was a group dinner? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you go on a date with the president's daughter. and you would know this from your own daughters. does the secret service come? >> yes, they do. >> jimmy: that's the greatest thing about being president. >> unless you're dating the president's daughter. >> jimmy: then it's not so good. and i assume it didn't work out with trishia, or we would know. that's an unbelievable story. >> glad to share it with you. >> jimmy: alec baldwin was here last night. he plays donald trump on "saturday night live." have you seen him do that? >> no. >> jimmy: i happened to chat with will ferrell on the phone today. he did you, very famously on
"saturday night live." >> want to hear something terrible? >> i had dinner with lorne michaels and he came up with strategerie. and i said, wait a minute, i said strategerie. and he said, no, you didn't say strategerie. i said, i damn sure did. i said, let me ask you this, did he come up with misunderestimate? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who does the best imitation of you? >> a guy who's now dead. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah, sadly. steve bridges. >> jimmy: did you have anything to do with his death? >> i hope not. a guy named bribdges. he was very, very funny. google it. >> jimmy: i will. >> so i did a white house correspondents dinner, and bridges and i came out together,
and i would say something and then bridges would say, you know, kinda, this is what he really meant. it was pretty funny. >> jimmy: did you enjoy doing the white house correspondents dinners? >> yeah. i worked with a guy landon parman, he was a very funny guy. i love humor, and the best humor is when you make fun of yourself. >> jimmy: tell that to the president. [ laughter and applause ] he doesn't think so. when you were president of the united states, did you watch television? was that part of your day? >> i only watched this guy, kimmel. uh, no. >> jimmy: you never did, really? >> never really did. >> jimmy: is that something that you enjoy, television in general? >> not really. >> jimmy: or you were just too busy to do it? >> both. >> jimmy: you probably shouldn't be watching television when you're the president. >> you got a lot to do. you're busy. >> jimmy: do you have much free time at all when you're president? >> if you make it. it depends.
i exercised every day. so i tell the schedulers, i want an hour every day. but you have to set priorities and live by them. but not much free time 37. >> jimmy: funny, because that would be the first thing i cut out. not exercising for at least eight years. >> jimmy: do you pay attention to pop culture? >> no. >> jimmy: so you don't know that beyonce is pregnant? >> no. >> jimmy: do you know who beyonce's husband is? >> no. >> jimmy: do you know who beyonce is? >> yes. >> jimmy: she's from -- >> she's from texas. >> jimmy: do you know who won the academy award for best picture? >> pass the envelope, please. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: did you see that moment with warren beatty? >> i watched the replay. i'm going to pander. i thought your opening was damn good. >> jimmy: thank you very much, i appreciate it. oh, you watched that. >> no, no, i watched the
opening. >> jimmy: okay, i gotcha. and i saw a replay of the fau-- >> and i saw a replay of the faux pas. >> jimmy: when you see that, you're opening the door, there was mission accomplished, that was a big one. do you take pleasure, or do you feel sorry for -- >> i felt sorry for him. i kinda felt sorry for you. you looked a little lost up there. >> jimmy: i get that a lot. >> pricewaterhouse did it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is the book we'll be right back. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: we are back with president bush. this is his book, it's called "portraits of courage," and we'll go through this and talk about some of the veterans that you painted and wrote about. this is a question first that i think is important to me and to the country. when you were in office, i don't know when this happened or if it happened, did you go through the secret files, the ufo documents? because -- >> maybe. >> jimmy: if i was president, that would be the first thing i did. >> my daughters asked the same question. >> jimmy: they did? >> yeah. >> jimmy: would you be allowed to tell your daughters what was in those files?
>> no. >> jimmy: now that you're out of office, you can do anything you want, right? >> true. but i'm not telling you. >> jimmy: are you not telling me that you looked at them? >> i'm not telling you nothing. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: are there really great secrets that you know that you can't share with people? >> yeah. >> jimmy: there are? and you never write about them? >> no. >> jimmy: maybe at a time in your life, you're 90, i'm going to do it? >> no. >> jimmy: nothing? what if you were to get a little loopy and -- >> start drinking again? >> jimmy: yeah. guillermo, get some tequila! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: were you jealous of the size of the crowds at trump's inauguration? [ laughter ] >> i was -- i was there. >> jimmy: i know you were. >> i was the guy trying to put the -- >> jimmy: the poncho on.
we noticed that, actually. when you're president and you have a poncho handler. when you're out of office, you're on your own. i was looking at dick cheney while that was happening, he seemed to be enjoying that poncho moment. >> helping me with the poncho? >> jimmy: well, he wasn't so much helping you, so much as glaring y is a guy that i'm friendly with. i have a relationship with jeb. >> so do i. >> jimmy: we e-mail from time to time. he was very kind to be a part of something i did for the emmys last year. i wonder, because i was thinking about it, with my little brother, like if i guy was saying things about my little brother, i'd want to kill him. want to beat him up. did you ever get angry and have that kind of reaction? >> no. >> jimmy: you don't care about jeb? [ laughter ] >> i had been in a number of campaigns and, pretty well used to that stuff. >> jimmy: it goes with the territory? >> yeah, it does.
>> jimmy: that's a mature way of looking at it. where do you get your news on a daily basis? >> "wall street journal." >> jimmy: you read that every day? >> yeah. dallas morning news as well. where do you think romo will go, by the way? >> he's a dear friend of mine, by the way. >> jimmy: he's a dear friend of mine too. [ laughter ] i don't know where he's going. real cold in denver, but you'll get used to it. >> he's a wonderful guy and he's handled this extremely well with dak prescott. >> jimmy: i think he's handled it very well. >> yes. >> jimmy: he's a good guy. but they don't care about any of that stuff. let's talk about the paintings. when did all this happen? >> getting a little bored. >> jimmy: all the brush had been cleared on the property? >> brush cleared. you go a hundred miles an hour. next day you wake up and, nothing. go get the coffee yourself,
buddy. [ laughter ] and so i wrote these books, which surprised a lot of people. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> especially on the coasts. >> jimmy: you wrote like five books. >> they didn't think i could read much less write. anyway, i wrote an essay about winston churchill painting as a pastime. and i said, if this guy can paint, so can i. >> jimmy: did you as a kid? >> no. never interested in it. >> jimmy: what's the next step? >> i brought bushes and paint and hired an structor. >> jimmy: did you have someone get the supplies for you? >> i did. >> jimmy: have you been to the supplies store? >> i have. >> jimmy: isn't it fun? >> yeah, i enjoy going. >> jimmy: and how do you find an art instructor?
is it a craig's list kind of deal? [ laughter ] >> fortunately got some artist friends in dallas, and a woman named pam suggested gayle, and she came over and we got started and a painted a cube. >> jimmy: is she honest with you, if there's something she thinks is not good? >> well, she started off with her body language, making it pretty obvious she didn't vote for me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i would imagine you turned her around. >> i'm sure you can understand, the art community was not exactly my base of support. >> jimmy: yeah, no rallies in galleries. you started out painting primarily dogs. >> yeah, because i called mother and said, i'm a painter. she said, you can't paint. and i said, i damn sure can. she said, paint my dog. so i was a pet portrait painter. >> jimmy: then you have dogs down, graduate to humans? >> exactly. >> jimmy: humans are harder than
dogs? >> dogs don't really talk back to you. >> jimmy: do you have people sit for you? >> no, i go with photos. >> jimmy: do you ever paint nudes? >> none of your business. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: this is technically a nude. this is a self-portrait, you in the shower. now, how do you capture that? did laura take a picture? we well. >> well, i kinda used my imagination. you can see, i made my muscles a little bigger. >> jimmy: why not. you have one of those crappy shaving mirrors. >> i do. >> jimmy: seemed like you'd at least have the electric one. i don't know, you're the president. and this is a classic, something i would love to have for my home. you painted yourself in the bath. were you in the bath while painting this? >> no, i was in the bath while photographing this. >> jimmy: i see. >> and as you notice, i leaned way back. >> jimmy: and did you take that
picture with your phone? >> yes, i did. >> jimmy: oh, that's very dangerous. that's one of the most dangerous things any president's -- >> you want to know why i did that? i wanted to figure out perspective, and paint water hitting water. plus i was testing the humor of my instructor. >> jimmy: gayle was impressed by that? so these paintings are of veterans, a couple of whom are here in our audience tonight. >> yeah. >> jimmy: a couple of gentlemen. introduce these fellas that are here. hey, guys. i don't know what page. >> i do. here's brian. >> jimmy: let me show that to everybody. so brian's right there in the audience. brian, what do you think of your likeness? >> that's an incredible honor. looks great. >> jimmy: it does look good.
>> so the question, does brilliant's mother like it? >> jimmy: and does brian's mother like it? >> she's here. >> jimmy: oh, do you like it? that's your baby. >> so the answer is, yes, i do, i love it. >> jimmy: do you have the original painting? >> no. but i do have a book. >> get that out of your mind. >> jimmy: well, i thought it might be fun if we drew each other while you're here. >> that's alexander. >> jimmy: he's right there next to brian. alexander's -- it was an unshaven period for alexander. alexander, what do you think? turn your head a little, alexander. >> you know what he's doing? he's going to become a firefighter here in l.a. >> jimmy: is that right? >> trying to. >> jimmy: oh, good, i'll burn
something and you can come over. [ laughter ] i thought it would be fun if we do an art demonstration on the show, because there's nothing more interesting on television than watching people draw. when we come back -- in fact, let's grab them now and we'll get started and maybe we'll draw each other. okay? very good. president bush is here. we'll be right back. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] when you're close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment? if you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. with taltz, up to 90% of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. in fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. do not use if you are allergic to taltz. before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms.
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♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, we're back with the president. so, um, you want to show yours first? or should i? [ laughter ] that sounded dirty, but it really wasn't. okay, let's just hold it up right there. >> jimmy: yep, that's me, all right. [ applause ] if you've seen this man, contact your local police. okay, so i drew you and then in the background there, i had guillermo, so i couldn't help it. >> that's good. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that's beautiful. i think we should give these to the soldiers. you guys want these?
[ cheers and applause ] do you mind if i give mine -- i'm going to put my signature on yours right there. thanks so much for being here, mr. president. >> can i say one thing? >> jimmy: say whatever you like. >> anybody who buys this book, the proceeds go to this program to help our vets. all of it. >> jimmy: excellent. that's the book right there. "portraits of courage: a commander in chief's tribute to america's warriors" is available now. artwork and stories by president bush. thank you, mr. president. we'll be right back with adam pally. >> dicky: portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. ♪ hey, bud. you need some help? no, i'm good. come on, moe. i have to go. (vo) we always trusted our subaru impreza would be there for him someday. ok. that's it.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there, we're back. our next guest on the program just got the frisking of a lifetime, and i heard he enjoyed it. so it's okay. he's a very funny person you know from "happy endings" and "the mindy project." now, he has his own show called "making history." it premieres sunday night on fox.
please welcome adam pally! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> better entrance than a president! better entrance than a president! woo hoo! yeah! pick me up, soldiers! pick me up, soldiers! i'm gonna roll over you, are you ready? one more time. okay, we'll do it one more time. no? okay. hey, jimmy. jimmy, stop it! [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: hold on, let me get you out of this thing. that is ridiculous. you're gonna suffocate in there? did i make a better entrance than the president? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: look at that, adam pally, everyone! welcome, have a seat. that was an amazing entrance. wow, that made absolutely no sense, whatsoever. >> well, it's all about making moments, jimmy. going viral and making moments. >> jimmy: that is going to go crazy. how you doing? >> i've been better. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, they say here in hollywood, people are living in a bubble, but you don't live here anymore. >> no, i'm back in new york. >> jimmy: yeah, what happened. why did you move? >> i have too many kids, and my family lives in new york, it's an easier kind of -- >> jimmy: oh, i see, i thought you moved away from the children. but you took them with you. >> that's a nightly dream that i
have. >> jimmy: how many kids do you have? >> i have two and one on the day. >> jimmy: congratulations. [ applause ] who from your family is active with the children? >> i don't know. i just leave them on the upper west side and i assume some jewish relative will pick them up. my dad lives like ten blocks from us now. >> jimmy: last time you were here, we were talking about your dad, who was a lounge singer tush turned doctor. >> yes. he still kind of comes to my sets and stuff. >> jimmy: he does? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: and that's good? >> no. well, it's nice to have your father there, but he's an unbridled maniac. >> jimmy: in what way? >> he was on the set of "making history" and the writers were talking about, we have to cast the dad, you know. and he pipes up, i don't know who told him that he could, like, speak to the writers, but he pipes up and he goes, what about if adam's dad was played
by richard gere? and everybody's like, who's this old man? and i was like, dad, you really, you honestly believe you look like richard gere? >> jimmy: does he? >> he thinks he does, but he looks like if kevin klein only ate beeialys for like two years. >> jimmy: that's not so bad either. >> they're like all in his teeth. >> jimmy: are you liking living in new york city? >> i do. i love living back in new york, it's awesome. and i have picked up a skill that i will offer to anybody who is in new york. the worst thing that can happen to you in new york is having like a solicitor, you know, which happens all the time, whether it be homeless or greenpeace or gay rights, whatever. it's all horrible. you hate having someone come up to you and say, do you have a moment? you're like, absolutely not. >> jimmy: right. >> right, because if you have a
moment, you'd be someplace else. so i have come up with a way to with a look, tell solicitors i live here, i'm not interested. >> jimmy: how do you do it? >> i'll show it to you guys very quick. >> jimmy: okay. >> and pay attention. pretend you're a solicitor and i'm uk waiwalking on the street don't want to deal with you. >> jimmy: hey lady, you want to -- not hey lady? oh, that was the look. let me try it again. excuse me, do you have -- i think you did it better the first time. i'll try again. >> and it's that extra smile at the end that lets them know, he's not being a [ bleep ], he lives here. he's just a new yorker. >> jimmy: not exclusive, you know. by the way, i'm bleeding a lot from what just happened. i don't know if you've noticed. >> it's the perfect result.
>> jimmy: i saw your show today and it is very, very funny. >> oh, thanks. >> jimmy: if i may set up the concept of the show. >> sure. >> jimmy: you play a foolish guy who finds a way to go back in time. >> yeah, and pick up chicks. >> jimmy: and pick up chicks, which is the reason guys do most things. but the way you do it, you're in like a magic duffel bag. >> yes, i found a way to travel through time through a duffel bag. and we chose a duffel bag because it was the easiest way to shoot traveling through time. just throw him in a bag and you let them go on way. >> jimmy: it's a great concept, and it's really funny. obviously it's a comedy, but it seems like you put a lot of effort into the detail when it comes to the periods of history. >> yeah, that was what we were trying to do, and a lot of people, we try to make history seem accurate. so a lot ofs, like, if you could time travel anywhere, where would you be?
and i always say the same thing. i'm a jew. i'm not time traveling anywhere. anywhere in history besides the obama administration is a nightmare. >> jimmy: so you'd go nowhere? >> nowhere. [ laughter and applause ] >> maybe i'd go to 2012 when the iphone 4 came out. like maybe then. but even then, i'm like, where's that longer, flatter iphone? >> jimmy: so this really is a stretch for you? >> yes. >> jimmy: because you wouldn't do any of this stuff. and i'm not kidding around. it's very funny. >> that's the highest compliment. >> jimmy: can you go to the future? >> we're planning to. and a lot of it takes place in the 1980s of boston. >> jimmy: excellent. >> 1940s germany. >> jimmy: not really. really? >> we go to 1940s germany. >> jimmy: wow, not since hogan's heroes. >> and we try to kill hitler.
i can tell you it doesn't work out. i steal his spoon. >> jimmy: not having your spoon is super inconvenient. >> think about it, he's going through breakfast being like, where is my spoon! and i'm sitting in the future being like, ah, gotcha! >> jimmy: if you want to see hitler really get his, "making history" premieres sunday night at 8:30 p.m. on fox. i highly recommend it. adam pally, everybody! we'll be right back. >> dicky: portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. i will never wash my hair again.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: adam pally, everybody. watch his show. it's called "making history" on fox on sunday night, 8:30. it's very funny. i also want to thank president george w. bush. he doesn't currently have a show. but he does have a book. buy it. apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, thanks for watching, goodnight, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
this is "nightline." >> tonight, vanished. one family's desperate search for a missing young woman. >> i don't want to go years without knowing where my daughter is. >> reportedly last seen with a man whose ex-girlfriend also went missing without a trace a decade ago. two families united in grief and one young man at the center. plus, knockout work-out, why fashion icons bike gisele, kendall, and gigi are turning to boxing. we're with new york's hottest up-and-comers to see why the sweet science has become the ultimate women's sport. are you ready to punch like a girl? and best formers forever. how