tv Action News 11pm ABC June 15, 2017 11:30pm-12:06am EDT
with a foot injury that caused you to miss all of last season. more sports after the break. >> tomorrow we hope you get around during you around the traffic tie ups. >> we could have showers tomorrow morning, so we have radar up and ready for you. wake up to everything that's going on. you can now reserve a car online and carmax will hold it for you up to seven days, for free. you come in when it's convenient i know this because i'm from seven days in the future. now don't be frightened, seven days in the future is a glorious place. after all you had two good hair days in a row... perfect. right out of bed. and this car you reserved on carmax.com is still being held for you, for free. pretty sweet. or as we like to say from seven days in the future... ah...we still say pretty sweet. it's basically the same.
remember what we did this spring. they worked hard. don't lose sight of that. training camp is hard and i want them prepared to come into camp ready to go. >> round one of the u.s. open is in the books. scores were surprisingly low. aaron hills the site of the u.s. open. 44 golfers under par, ricky fowler setting the pace, a one stroke lead seven under par, round two tomorrow. that's sportses. >> thank you, ducis. "jimmy kimmel live" live followed by "nightline." guests gillian bell. "action news" continues at 4:30 with pamela edwards, matt o'donnell, and karen rodgers with traffic. cecily tynan who loves that, ducis rogers the entire "action news" team, i'm jim gardner. goodnight.
tonight's "jimmy kimmel live" is brought to you by lighter fluid. this barbecue season, use it on your grill. the more you use, the more excited your barbecue will be. say good-bye to your eyebrows with lighter fluid. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, andy samberg, from "rough night," jillian bell, "this week in unnecessary censorship," and music from 2 chainz featuring trey songz and ty dolla $ign. and now, sure enough, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> jimmy: very nice. welcome. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to each and every one of you for coming. i appreciate it. thank you. thank you for clapping, thanks for everything. hey, remember when donald trump said he would give up tweeting when he became president? that was fun 90. that was a good one. [ laughter ] the president woke up bright and early this morning, the day after what had to be his worst birthday ever. he woke up, walked down the hall to melania's bedroom, the door was locked. [ laughter ] so he went downstairs, punched sean spicer in the stomach, wrestled the phone out of his little pink hands and tweeted about this special investigation into him. you know yesterday we learned that the president is being investigated by a special counsel led by robert mueller for possible obstruction of justice. so this morning at 7:57 a.m., trump tweeted, you are
witnessing the single greatest witch hunt in american political history led by some very bad and conflicted people. #maga. making witch hunts great again. i don't think witches play golf every weekend. the way we'll know is a witch is when the white house falls on top of him. [ laughter ] and we see his feet curl up. and while a lot of people are making fun, there is some question as to whether this might be a witch hunt. so joining us now from -- actually, where are you from, ma'am? [ cheers and applause ] >> hello! >> jimmy: where are you join us from? >> from witchburg. >> jimmy: witchburg? where is witchburg? what state is that in? >> florida. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, joining from us witchburg, florida, high priestess of the pagan fed laying abigail shipton. hello, abigail. >> yes, bright blessings and merry meet. >> jimmy: right back at you.
as you probably heard, president trump is saying this investigation is a witch hunt. is it a witch hunt? >> oh, no, of course not. i've been hunted. and it's nothing like this. >> jimmy: okay, so that -- i guess that -- >> do you want to see how cold my tits are? [ laughter ] you can feel them. >> jimmy: no, that's okay, thank you. >> okay, your loss. blight blessings and merry meet again. >> jimmy: all right, thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so you heard it from a witch, this is not a witch hunt. trump's later said the leak of this information to the press was "outrageous, inexcusable, and illegal." so at the very least i think he just found his next campaign slogan. "outrageous." put that on a hat, i'll buy it. one of america's next top diplomats, dennis rodman, is worming his way through north korea. dennis rodman is in the middle of what is planned to be a four-day trip. and he brought gifts on this trip. he brought gifts for his bff kim
jong-un. this is what he brought. he brought a variety of seasons. you see it wrapped in sell tape. whi cellophane. he brought a mermaid jigsaw puzzle. two nondeskrupt number 91 jer sit. this is line a sad yard sale or terrible flea market. and two books, "where's waldo?" and "the art of the deal." as if he needs help negotiating. negotiating with kim jong-un goes like this. you do everything i say and i won't feed you to a boa constrictor, that is a deal, mom? "where's waldo" they think is for kim jong-un's daughter, who i think is 5 years old. they love american books in north korea. they adapt them to suit the north korean lifestyle. there's "good night un." "oh the places you'll never go." "the very hungry caterpillar and millions of other people." the caterpillar's hungry because
there's no food. it really is amazing dennis rodman and kim jong-un are friends. especially considering kim jong-un doesn't speak english and dennis rodman doesn't speak english. i don't know what they're saying to each other. i don't know if trump has read "where's waldo" but i have to say i feel like he has. i've noticed when he gives a speech, he always seems to be reading it aloud. >> where's leo, is leo around here? where is he? he's got to be here. where is he? where is franklin? he's around. where is robert? where's jim? where are they? where is general flynn? where are you guys? where is kim? where is she? where are they? where are you, airplane? there's cecil? where are they? where is his father? where are they? where is bruce? where are these folk. >> jimmy: sometimes the person you were looking for was right in front of you the whole time. and while dennis rodman is in north korea, this is what's happening in south korea. this from a mixed martial arts
heavyweight fight in seoul that got testy, literally. >> jimmy: he's looking around like, did anyone see that? [ applause ] we did see it. this morning in oakland, hundreds of thousands of people lined up starting at 4:00 a.m. for a parade for the golden state warriors. while the series might be over some of the players are still going at it. draymond green of the warriors, he was here with us last night, draymond is one of the great trash talkers in the nba. today he did some trash wearing.
he wore a t-shirt that says quick quickie. the cavaliers play at the quick arena, golden state beat them in five games, hence the quickie. lebron james saw this and he posted to instagram, that's what she said. and some emojis. [ laughter ] then draymond came back an hour later, he wrote about lebron's new hairlessness, them ws finally made him go bald. you know there's only one way this ends and it's with sex, right? while we're on the subject of shenaniga shenanigans, this is a good prank or a bad one, you are the judge. this is from the magical midway amusement park in orlando. they have one of those slingshot rides. the guy operating the ride decided to have some fun. right before it started he told the couple to fasten their seat belts even though this is a ride that does not have seat belts. and that's when hilarity ensued. >> fasten your seat belt.
>> who, him? >> what this. >> it slipped off. pull on them. >> oh my gosh. >> pull it close to your body. like a -- >> this? >> wait, is mine -- is mine too loose? >> actually, both of them. hey, i got both seat belts completely removed. [ screaming ] [ laughter ] [ screaming ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know. wow. that's -- i need to find -- if anyone knows that guy, on the off chance he's still alive, please tell him i'm looking for him. because i have to know.
sometimes i just like to get to know people, honestly. the next great space race is on the way. a team of german scientists is working on a project called bake in space. their man plan is to attempt toe bread in outer space. they're hoping to do it sometime next year. they say their goal is to address the "scientific and technical challenges related to the production of fresh bread in space." apparently it's hard to bake bread in space. which i'll be honest, i thought baking in space was a euphemism for smoking weed on the roof. [ laughter ] i didn't know they were doing any of that. it's an interesting goal. not only has the idea of baking bread in space inspired the scientific community, it also got creative juices flowing here in hollywood and is breathing much-needed life into the space action genre. >> the mission's primary goal has been achieved. we're looking at the first proof of bread. beyond earth.
>> it's beautiful. >> aglh! >> what's going on? >> aahhh! >> we've lost all communication. >> aahh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guillermo, did you understand what was going on there? >> guillermo: yeah, i did. >> jimmy: what was going on there? >> guillermo: the bread was moving. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right. you're hammered, aren't you? i'm looking at you right now. >> guillermo: yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you are, yeah. how many drinks did you have before the show? >> guillermo: two big ones. >> jimmy: two big ones. >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: two big ones. all right. all right, thursday night, that means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not.
we've got two big ones for you. it's "this week in unnecessary sen sonship." >> this morping a close friend of president trump's says that he is considering [ bleep ]ing robert mueller. >> it has been absolutely extraordinary. that saying, i can't remember the last time i had so much [ bleep ] up my ass but there is no more room. >> mr. sessions, are you familiar with what spies call tradecraft? >> [ bleep ] you, senator cotton. >> did you say that i had to [ bleep ] kevin durant? >> yeah. >> it really wasn't that hard. >> can you call draymond? i want to ride on his [ bleep ]. >> it's not easy for someone who's a [ bleep ], [ bleep ], like myself or yourself -- >> many times i stick a butter bean up my [ bleep ]. they always came out. >> i think the president -- i know because he and i have [ bleep ]ed a little bit. >> when was the last time you [ bleep ]ed? >> last night. >> wait a minute, last night? >> yeah. >> why are you keeping these girls prisoners, jerk? >> you don't understand.
i [ bleep ] princesses because i want to marry one. >> why'd you [ bleep ] six of them if you just want to marry one? >> i'm [ bleep ]ing them all first to be sure i made the right choice. >> parades, picnics, and [ bleep ]s. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. when we come back, in honor of father's day on sunday, we asked people to tell their dads the worst thing they haver done, and they did. stick around, we'll share that together. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we, the device loving people want more than just unlimited data. we want unlimited entertainment. so we can stream unlimited action. watch unlimited robots. watch unlimited romance. if you are into that. but we also want more like... unlimited hbo. can i stop dying now mark? no can do mi amigo.
it's unlimited. besides you are really good at it james. don't settle for any unlimited plan. get at&t unlimited plus. and, now get the amazing iphone 7 on us. when your friends come over, they'll be like, "what does this thing do?" and you'll be all, "hey google, play house of cards on netflix" and it'll be like, "house of cards from netflix playing on your tv." and they'll be like "whoa, what else?" and it'll go, "at 1pm you have a haircut." and then you'll be like, 'play me that song that goes, "strawberry champagne on ice'" and it'll be like, "playing 'that's what i like' by bruno mars" and they'll be like o.m.g. and you'll be like i k.n.o.w. hey, bud. you need some help? no, i'm good. come on, moe. i have to go. (vo) we always trusted our subaru impreza would be there for him someday. ok. that's it. (vo) we just didn't think someday would come so fast.
see ya later, moe. (vo) introducing the subaru impreza. the longest-lasting vehicle in its class. more than a car, it's a subaru. the best tour of italy is the at olive garden. create your own tour of italy starting at $12.99. choose 3 of 9 of your favorites. and have everything you love all on one plate. create your own tour of italy for a limited time only at olive garden. doto be our next spokesperson?m seems like a good fit. but he's so boring. i'm yawning just talking about him. well it's our job to change that. uh guys. i think he can hear us. hm. sounds like you're on the fence. why don't i just leave you my resume? yes, it's laminated. no thanks. you're hired! caramel has been square for far too long. uh. ow. introducing new caramel m&m's. ♪ [music volume rises] you guys wanna go?
music from 2chainz, trey songz and ty dolla sign. father's day is almost here. if you haven't picked out a gift yet let me save you time. sunday give your father what he really wants, an extra 20 minutes of ipad toilet time, that's all, it's enough. if you really want to make the most of father's day i invite you to take part in our annual youtube challenge. we have a longstanding tradition now of making father's day mischief. we've asked -- one year we asked kids to serve their dads breakfast the hard way. >> here's your breakfast. >> i get breakfast? hey! geez. what the heck is that? aah! >> jimmy: we asked people to spray dad with a hose one year. >> hey, dad. >> [ bleep ]! what are you doing? aah! [ bleep ]!
>> jimmy: another year we told people to play catch with dad with something other than a ball. we got some creative responses to that. >> hey, dad, catch. >> [ bleep ]! dammit! >> jimmy kimmel said to do it! >> jimmy: yeah, and you need to blame me, go right ahead, i don't mind. this year's challenge, it's not physical, it's a verbal challenge. i want you to sneak up on your dad, and when he least expects it, yell 80 love you dad" as loud as you can. do this whenever and wherever you want. be sure that, a, you surprise him, and b, you do not injure him in any way. do not do this while he's driving, while he's being wheeled into heart surgery, none of those things. [ laughter ] otherwise record yourself yelling "i love you dad" and post to it youtube with the title hey jimmy kimmel i told my dad i love him. it's going to be very sweet. look for a message from us. we'll put the best ones on the show next week. say as much as most of us love our fathers, we keep secrets from them. and everyone knows that honesty is the best policy.
so we went out on the street and we asked kids to tell us the worst thing they ever did, while theired dad was standing right next to them. this is how that went. >> what's the worst thing you've done that you've never told your dad? >> probably when i got in trouble by using bad words. >> what bad words? >> like the f-word. >> what's the f-word? >> i can't tell you. >> you can tell me. >> [ bleep ]. >> how do you feel about that? >> not too good. [ laughter ] >> tell your dad the worst thing you've ever done. >> i went to a party and i got really messed up and i had to walk 10 miles home. >> oh, that scares you to walk the 10 miles home, though. >> i got chased by the -- well, it wasn't like the police but it was like the security guard at the mall. i've gotten chased multiple times. >> you have not. >> i have. >> oh my gosh.
>> when my friend's over and stuff, we do a lot of prank calls. >> prank calls? who do you call? >> we call walgreens, we call like -- almost like every store. >> what do you say? >> "poke butt." you sell vanilla biscuit? what else? i think i pooped. >> awhile ago he had these blue tooth ear buds. and i sold them on the internet. >> you sold them? for how much? >> 20 bucks. >> seriously? i wondered where they were, too. >> watched a rated "r" movie. >> snuck out. you didn't know. >> smoked weed. >> shrooms. >> happy father's day! [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: maybe he should have stopped at 12 kids. we have a good show tonight. we have music from 2 chainz with trey songz and ty dolla sign. julian bell is here. we'll be right back with andy samberg! >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" brought to you by google home. the google assistant is always ready to help. or make a backseat...that feels nothing like a backseat. why give it every feature you could want... along with a few you didn't know you needed. it's simple. you can build a car, or you can build a cadillac.
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>> jimmy: hi there, welcome back to the show. tonight from the new movie "rough night," gillian bell is here. then, his new album comes out tomorrow. it's called "pretty girls like trap music." 2 chainz featuring trey songz and ty dolla sign from the mercedes-benz stage. we have something very theatrical planned, they really put something together. we have a whole week of new shows with el fanning, casey affleck, tatiana mass lawny, paul w. downs, alison toll man, sir anthony hopkins, music from playboy, carty, and queen with adam lambert singing lead. so that will be a lot of fun, please join us for all of that next week. our first guest is an emmy and golden globe-winning american citizen with a very funny new mockumentary about racing
bicycles on drugs, it's called "tour de pharmacy." >> you seem very, very proud of your homeland. >> indeed i am, i miss it. being here in france, i miss it back home. i bless the rains down in africa. >> right, right, like the song. >> oh, not familiar with that. >> it's the lyrics to the toto song "africa." >> not familiar with that. but at any rate. it's going to take a lot to -- >> to drag me away from you. >> that's what i was going to say, that's so bizarre, i was going to say drag away from this great interview. >> jimmy: "tour de pharmacy" premieres july 8th on hbo. please welcome andy samberg. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you look great. >> yes!
>> jimmy: the glasses. the glasses are yours. >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah. is that a band-aid? adhering your nose to your face? >> i finally did it, i got the nose job. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who is your doctor? he did a beautiful job. >> i left it on because i just wanted to see if anyone noticed the difference. >> jimmy: well, yeah, we all noticed so you can rest easy. >> surprise! >> jimmy: how are you doing? what's going on with you? >> i'm great. >> jimmy: you're good, everything's good in your life? >> yeah, wonderful, i feel happy. i got to say, though. craziest thing. i dvr'd the oscars. >> jimmy: oh? >> i just watched it last night! >> jimmy: really. >> jimmy, that was crazy. they got best picture wrong! >> jimmy: wait a minute, you -- >> you must have been freaking out! have you been talking about it a lot? have you had to talk about it a lot? >> jimmy: i did mention it, yeah. >> i was in my house like, no! it's "moonlight"!
the "la la land" people must have been so embarrassed. have you talked about it a lot? >> jimmy: i mentioned it, yeah. it was actually a good while ago. i don't want to ruin anything for you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you know i know you're from the way area. >> i am. >> jimmy: the nba finals are also over. >> that i watched. >> jimmy: and your golden state warriors won the nba finals. >> yes, yes, yes! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: are you a big fan? >> huge warriors fan. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> and look. i know it sucks for everyone else. like no one from the bay is like, yeah, it's fair! we're just like the warriors were bad for so long. i watched the warriors my whole life. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and like really watched them. i've been a fan for a long time. and now it's like, we watched them get beat down by shaq and kobe. beat down by the spurs with all their all-stars and stuff. it's like, now it's our turn not to be embarrassd >> to beat people down. people do get upset about it not being fair but there's not a team in the league that wouldn't
swap lineups, really. everybody would want to be in the same position. >> even lebron has been saying, oh, yeah, i get it. >> jimmy: do you think lebron -- i would think he would, he did the same thing when he went to miami, right? >> your words, not mine. i'm biased. obviously i'm biased. >> jimmy: did you play sports? basketball or whatnot? >> i wanted to play football. and my mom said no. >> jimmy: oh. >> because i was super dinky. i played soccer, played a lot of soccer. >> jimmy: gotcha. >> yeah. yeah, most popular sport in the world, america. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know you're not that popular when you have to keep reminding people you're the most popular sport in the world. it's like david hasselhoff telling people he's huge in germany, kind of that same thing. >> yeah, yeah. you think he goes around just saying that? >> jimmy: i don't think he probably has ever said that in his life. i unfairly attributed that to him. >> i like to think he does. i'm huge in germany! oh, okay. >> jimmy: i think it's something we all know. by the