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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  October 11, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, renée zellweger, marc maron, and music from sir rosevelt. and now, can you believe it, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. very nice. thank you for coming. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. i want to begin the show tonight with an historic announcement from the boy scouts of america who after more than 100 years in existence have decided to allow girls to be boy scouts. starting next year the boy sc t scouts will let girls into the
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cub scouts and let the angry trump twitter storm begin in three, two -- did it start? i was a cub scout when i was a kid in brooklyn, the neckerchief, the yellow hat, the whole deal. every tuesday or wednesday we would meet, have den meeting at the house of one of scouts. two moms would run the meeting. i don't remember what we did but there was definitely no scouting. we didn't tie to be in uniform, nothing. do the pledge of allegiance and sit at the table. we took one cub scout trip. we had exactly one outing in two or three years. instead of going to the woods they lined us up and marched us down the block to have a tour of a carville ice cream store. for me was better than camping because i loved carville ice cream, i was excited wit. we'd get to see how the ice cream was made, then we'd have ice cream. i was only 7 years old so i don't remember exactly what
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happened. all i remember is that we got no ice cream. our field trip was we got in our scout uniforms, went to an ice cream store, ate no ice cream, they showed us machines and sent us home. so while i'm happy that girls are now being allowed in the cub scouts i do want to say to those girls, look out what you wish for. [ laughter ] at least with the girl scouts you get cookies, all right? [ laughter ] hey, you know what would make a great cut leader? dj khaled. you know who dj khalid is? he hosted the b.e.t. hip-hop awards where not only was he the host, he won three awards including deejay of the year, mvp the year, proud father of the year. >> right now i want to introduce you to my son, my life. this is the executive producer of the platinum album "grateful." young mogul, you the greatest that ever did it. you're my son. you're a don. you're an icon.
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your a legend. you could do anything you want to do. you be the best. god is great. ye. yes, boy. yes, boy. perhaps. >> jimmy: oh, that kid is going to have so much self-esteem, he'll make kanye west look like charlie brown or something. [ laughter ] [ applause ] khaled's son assad. he really is credited as executive producer of the album. which is impressive. you know, when my kids were that age they never executive produced any albums. closest we got was my son kevin shoved a pop tart into a kd player. the big story out of the b.e.t. show was eminem launching a five-minute freestyle attack on donald trump. it was very well done. he found a way to rhyme the word "orange" which previously had been thought impossible. it was a blistering condemnation of the president, especially interesting because at one time donald trump endorsed eminem for president. >> i know a winner when i see one.
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and donald trump is telling you right now, slim shady is a winner. >> jimmy: not anymore, i guess. [ laughter ] now he's a loooser! trump is so pissed he just revoked dr. dre's medical license. [ laughter ] [ applause ] president trump is very unhappy right now. "vanity fair" had a story today that says he told his long-time security chief, i hate everyone in the white house. the white house responded today. this is true. by saying the president's mood is good and his outlook on the agenda is very positive. imagine the white house has to announce the president's mood is good. the report also says he's not getting along with chief of staff general john kelly. in response to that the president tweeted, as he rarely does but he decided this story is totally made up by the dishonest media, the chief is doing a fantastic job for me and more importantly for the usa.
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so chief's gone by, what, monday, tuesday tops? [ laughter ] anyway, trump has an interesting way of answering questions about john kelly. whenever they ask what he thinks of him, "he's a general." that's like being asked what you think of your steak and you say, "it was a cow." you know? according to the story in "vanity fair," john kelly is miserable in his job, only staying in it out of a sense of duty to keep trump from making a disastrous decision. but publicly they say he's very happy. sure he is, you can see how happy he is right there. he always looks luke he's in one of those wanna get away southwest airlines commercials. it's all fake news. trump lashed out again today at nbc. he wrote, with all of the fake news coming out of nbc and the networks, at what point is it appropriate to challenge their license? bad for country. never? i don't know, that's what dictators do? never is it appropriate to challenge their license? [ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] this is nuts.
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the book of revelations, it's like the comic book of revelations. everything trump says is fake is true, everything he says is honest is dishonest. in fact, i had a fun idea. we went through his tweets and every time he wrote "fake" we replaced it with "true." every "dishonest" we replaced with "honest." let's see how it works. here you go. thank you, the very honest true news media is out of control. honest media says mexico won't be paying for the wall. if they pay a little later so the wall can be built more quickly, medias true. just leaving florida. big crowds of enthusiastic supporters lining the road that the true news media refuses to mention. very honest. just watch, the totally biased and true news reports of the so-called russia story on nbc and abc. such honesty. see? that should be an app, translate them all. [ applause ] somebody get to work on that. president is having a bad year so far. we thought it might help to juice him up a little br he was in harrisburg, pennsylvania,
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today pitching his tax plan to a group of truck drivers. and here is tonight's edition of "drunk donald trump." [ tape playing slowly ] >> i've had friends for years, they know me, hey, don, how you doing, how's it going, blah, blah, blah. now they see me, they're all uptight. mr. president? it's weird. so will you please loosen up? [ applause ] >> jimmy: so i'll loosen up. meanwhile, north korean foreign minister today said the united states has "lit the wick of war." i don't know who's doing translation for them but whoever it is might neat to punch it up a little bit. that makes not that much sense. but this comes just as kim jong-un is trying to lure tourists to north korea. he wants to turn the very of won san, which is where north korea
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conducts a lot of missile tests, into a major tourist destination. serious. he's hoping investors will finance $7 million department store and $123 million golf course in this town. it all makes sense, this is how he's going to try to get trump, building a golf course with a bull's-eye on it like a wily coyote type move. [ applause ] it's a push for tour mechanism north korea seems like a curious move at this time. not only are they doing it, they're even marketing north korea to americans. >> howdy, american home boys. come on into beautiful north korea. there's nothing for everyone. for the fun in the sun or slick city nights. north korea has it okay. and this is definitely not a trap. see how happy everyone is? ain't they the nicest folks since american pie? come see the sights. a place where we test bombs. it's the bomb. it's good at our bountiful
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grocery store full of real food. and get it on with this crazy thing. north korea. you'll love it so much, it will be very difficult to leave. good-bye. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it sells itself we're going to take a break. tonight cousin sal wreaks havoc at nathan's in coney island. before that, i had a chance to make a drink for the most famous tv bartender ever. the result is three ridiculous questions with the great ted danson. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: would you rather live in a haunted house, real how abouted house? or a gingerbread house? >> how abouted. >> jimmy: why haunted? >> not boring. and you could -- there's a way to handle that too. you just say, you're dead, it's
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okay, move on. and they will actually leave the house. >> jimmy: do you know that for a fact? >> yes. >> jimmy: this is from a movie script? >> what's the difference? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: if you had to sneak a parrot through airport security, how would you do it? >> perch it on top of a hat like an adornment. >> jimmy: oh, like -- >> boom. >> jimmy: like the queen. >> yes. next question? seriously, i'm on fire now. >> jimmy: when you were a little kid, did your mother ever lick her finger and smooth out your eyebrows? >> no. >> jimmy: never? that was my mother doing that. >> shooted your eyebrows? >> jimmy: yeah, make sure they were smooth, with her spit. >> wow. >> jimmy: is that strange? >> it's a little bit. >> jimmy: to mom. >> to mom. >> jimmy: kudos to yours for not doing that. >> smirnoff number 21 vodka, the answer to all of life's ridiculous questions. ahhhh!!!
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oh good. thank you. because when you need help, you need it asap. >> jimmy: hello and welcome back to the show. renee zellweger, marc maron, music from sir roosevelt on the way. there's a new "fifty shades of gray" book coming. i know, i'm excited about it too. [ laughter ] "darker: 50 shades darker" as told by christian. the idea is it tells the story "fifty shades darker" written from christian's perspective. this morning my wife saw this online, she thought it said the story was written from a christian's perspective. [ laughter ] that would be good. forgive me, father, i've really sinned. like a lot of times. but it's not christian. it's the guy from the book. i can't wait. it's going to be so refreshing to finally hear a man's perspective on sex, you know? [ laughter ] hello, mr. weinstein?
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i have a movie pitch you might like! [ moans and applause ] >> jimmy: too soon? all next week -- we're going to be in brooklyn all next week with five shows from the brooklyn academy of music. before we take our show anywhere we send an advance scout. in this case we sent our good will ambassador cousin sal to make contact with the locals and check things out. we packed sal and his hidden cameras in a crate and shipped them to nathan's in coney island where inevitably nonsense ensued. >> sal: get your nathan's hot dog, best on the boardwalk! who's hungry? >> could we get an original hot dog and then french fries? >> sal: you could. but on a cold and rainy day like this i'm going to do something better. you can have hot dog soup. >> no, i don't think i want that. >> sal: it's good, i'm going to give you a sample, all right? >> we should get bacon and cheese fries.
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>> sal: here we go, hot dog soup for you and you. a little hot. hot soup. there you go. you're going to love it. >> what's the broth made out of? >> sal: go ahead, taste it. >> hot dog water? >> sal: you think we'd do that? take a sip. it's good, right? >> greasy. >> sal: it's very greasy, like greasy, oily water. >> disgust. >> sal: those are the hot dogs that i can't sell regular lrks, they spoil. they fell on the floor, people slip on them, so we make soup out of it. come on chug it. i'll give you a prize if you chug it. whoever downs it first is the winner. ready, set, go! hot dog soup challenge. >> that's too hot. >> sal: yep, uh-huh. look at this. so exciting. who's going to win the big prize? come on you can do this. go, go, go, go, go. the blond one's got a big lead. go, go, go. drink. you are falling way behind.
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go! done! the hot dog soup queen! >> oh my god. >> sal: beautiful. hold on one second. >> i should get like $100 for that. >> sal: here you go, my grace. >> oh my god, do i really get this? >> sal: you really, really get it. >> oh my god, to keep forever? >> sal: i hereby crown you queen of the hot dogs. >> thank you. you should be kneeling to me. >> sal: i should be kneeling, you're right. there you go. sorry our mustard dispenser is broken so i've got to do it by hand. yeah just open ate little bit. there you go. i want to spread it out. i just want to get it all on. one more. >> now i just want all-new hot dogs because -- >> sal: okay, all right. >> are you for real right now? >> sal: there you go.
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>> this is a [ bleep ] joke, right? >> sal: no, it's not a joke, man. if this was a joke i'd say, see the movie about the hot dog? it's an oscar weiner. all right, buddy, thank you. thanks for your patience. >> i want my money back. >> sal: your money back? dy not put enough mulls standard on? >> [ bleep ] hands over it. >> sal: i told you, i explained that. >> i told you no. >> sal: i didn't hear you say no sorry. did he say no? oh, he did? >> he did say no. >> sal: yes, he did. see, yeah, i thought he said mustard, i'm sorry, i feel bad about this. how do we fix this thing? >> give me my [ bleep ] money back. >> sal: can we just high five and be friends? no? >> i don't think it's funny, i want my money back. >> sal: you know what's funny in i say a hot dog with nothing inside it? >> what's that? >> sal: a hollow-weanie. he laughed, he liked that. >> [ bleep ]. >> sal: that's not fair to me to say it like that.
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you didn't tell her this broke. >> i mean, i didn't want the [ bleep ] mustard, man. >> sal: before we get the manager, do you know why the hot dog dropped out of the movie? >> i don't give a [ bleep ]. >> sal: because the roll wasn't very good. >> i want my money b back. >> sal: listen, you know what, instead -- >> he's the new guy. he thinks he's funny. >> sal: i don't think i'm funny. you know who thinks he's funny? jimmy kimmel, he's right in that camera right there. >> [ bleep ]. >> sal: you're on "jimmy kimmel live." come on, come on. high five. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: everybody's happy, i guess. thank you, cousin sal. we got a good show tonight. music from sir roosevelt, marc maron is here, and we'll be right back with renee zellweger! >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by coke zero sugar. [ "america" by simon and garfunkel ]
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how's your café au lait? oh, it's actually... (squeaking of balloon) it's ver... (squeaking) i'm being so serious right now. i really want to know how your coffee is. it's... (squeaking of balloon, laughing) i had a second balloon! goodbye! oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasn't it? yeah, it happens to more people than you think. try lactaid, it's real milk, without that annoying lactose. mmm. good, right? yeah. lactaid. it's the milk that doesn't mess with you. and now, try our real sour cream. it's delicious. >> jimmy: hello and welcome back. tonight, he's a comedian, a podcaster and an author too. his new book is called "waiting for the punch." marc maron is here. [ cheers and applause ] then, this is their single, it is called "sunday finest" sir rosevelt from the mercedes-benz stage. [ cheers and applause ]
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ben simonetti and zac brown, it's a band and zac brown is in it. but it is not to be confused with the zac brown band. same zac brown, different band. tomorrow night on the show kate hudson will be here. jared padalecki, and comedian ismael loutfi will be with us. and next week, we will be in brooklyn, new york. for a week of shows at the brooklyn academy of music. our crew is working feverishly at a very high speed to get that put together. our guests include david letterman, howard stern, amy schumer, tracy morgan, woody harrelson, billy joel, cardi b, arnold schwarzenegger, lcd soundsystem dj khaled and more. please join us then. what's the girs thing you're going to do when you get to brooklyn? >> guillermo: i got to go get pizza. >> jimmy: do you know you have a place in mind? >> guillermo: yes. roberta's pizza. >> jimmy: very good, all right. guillermo knows what he's doing.
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our first guest is an oscar and golden globe-winning actress. you know from some of the most beloved romantic movies ever made "jerry maguire," "bridget jones," "texas chainsaw massacre: the next generation." you name it. her new movie "same kind of different as me" opens a week from friday. please welcome renee zellweger. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: very good. you know, i cannot -- i had an argument, actually, with one of our producers this morning because i can't believe this is the first time you've been here at the show. i feel like you've been here before. >> yeah, no, uh-uh, no, no. yeah, what, 15 years? that's a long time. >> jimmy: yeah, we've been on almost 15 years, i'm glad this finally happened. >> it was regis and kelly. you were sitting in for regis when you were first starting the show, flying back and forth
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every night of the week, i think. >> jimmy: that's right, i was flying to new york in the morning. i was doing basically what ryan seacrest does all the time now. i'd fly to new york overnight. host that show. fly back. host this show. fly back. i did that for a week. it was a stupid, stupid thing to do. >> i don't know, i thought you pulled it off, you were pretty good. >> jimmy: you must have caught me early in the week. >> it was tuesday, yeah. >> jimmy: tuesday, yeah, there you go. by that friday i was speaking in tongues. i literally made no sense whatsoever. i mentioned that "texas chainsaw massacre" movie. you from there texas, you went to the university of texas. >> yes, i did. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is that where you started acting? were you in college when it began? >> yeah, yeah, i was in school. and i started booking little jobs around town. and it was a nice paycheck. >> jimmy: what kind of jobs were you doing? local commercials? >> yeah, ridiculous things. local commercials. you know, just tiny little spots here and there. then i would get little jobs in little movies and the parts got a little bit bigger. you know. >> jimmy: the parts got bigger
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and then -- you know, i have to say, i know you're in -- you played "dathed and confused." >> yes, yes. i had lots of very small parts in "dazed and confused." >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> i kind of popped around. i think my official title as a featured extra, because you know, i was an extra. i didn't actually get a job in "dazed and confused." they said, we're not going to hire you, future bunt to come down and be part of the production, yukou could be the fifth senior girl who drives the blue truck. you're not going to have speaking lines or anything, but we would like you to be here for continuity. >> jimmy: oh, how nice. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you were in the truck, there for continuity. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then -- people have said about that movie, people who have been here, it was like a frat party 24 hours a day, that it was really like a very unprofessional but fun -- a fun professional place to be if you will. was it -- did you feel like at
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what is that? >> it looked that way. i was an outsider. i was the girl out in the yard who wasn't invited into the party. it looked like they were having a nice time and i learned a lot. >> jimmy: what did you learn? >> that's how film sets work. they're kind of a mystery. why is that guy doing all that? carrying the cables? how do these people know when they have time to go to the bathroom? just how a film set works. >> h >>. >> jimmy: how do they know when it's time to go to the bathroom? >> they haven't figured that out yet. >> jimmy: there are still mysteries involved. then you moved to california. did you move here to -- for a specific part? >> well, actually -- i had kind of run out of things to do. in texas. >> jimmy: i see. >> after that i think i had done a film called "loving at 45" in texas. the next audition was for a long john silver's commercial. >> jimmy: really. >> yeah, it would have been -- you know, it would have paid really well, but i think the line was "go fish."
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: and you didn't get that? >> i thought, if i'm going to grow and learn anything, i might have to come -- >> jimmy: go fish was not enough for you. you moved west. then what did you do when you came here? continue with commercials? >> no, i was busy. i had done quite a few films out in austin before i moved. because nobody's looking to move away from austin, right? >> jimmy: right. >> so i took my time coming occupant here. but i had some films in the can. but still i needed a job. so a friend of mine hired me, rio hackford. thank you, rio, by the way. he hired me as his barback at the three clubs right over here on vine. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, right. that's still here, yeah, yeah. >> it was right before that swingers sort of hipster moment happened. and it was still just kind of a cool dive bar in the crown mart. do you remember, right behind the mobile station? >> jimmy: it's on santa monica and vine, right? >> yeah, yeah.
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>> jimmy: yeah. >> and i was there with my yellow latex gloves on. >> jimmy: washing stuff up? >> young hollywood. >> jimmy: wow, that's unbelievable. do you ever run into people you work the with at that bar? >> i wasn't invited to work with anybody at that point, no. >> jimmy: did celebrities ever come into that bar? >> yeah, there were a couple. i remember the guy who played bud bundy. what was his name? >> jimmy: david faus tino. he came in there? >> he was very nice. very, very nice. and i waited on billy idol. >> jimmy: oh, wow, that's a good one. >> come on, guys. [ cheers and applause ] you don't want that job? >> jimmy: what did billy idol drink, do you remember? >> my goodness, no. i remember his table. he sat in the back in the corner. >> jimmy: he had a special table. was he a good tipper? >> a very nice man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: have you ever told billy this story? is he aware? >> i don't think so, no. >> jimmy: the gal in the yellow gloves -- >> again, thank you, billy idol.
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>> jimmy: wow, how about that, that's something else. we're going to take a break, come back, see a clip from the new movie. renee zellweger is with us. "same kind of different as me." we'll be right back. you owned your car for four years. you named it brad. you loved brad. and then you totaled him. you two had been through everything together. two boyfriends, three jobs... you're like nothing can replace brad. then liberty mutual calls... and you break into your happy dance. if you sign up for better car replacement™, we'll pay for a car that's a model year newer with 15,000 fewer miles than your old one. liberty stands with you™. liberty mutual insurance. this this this is my body of proof. proof of less joint pain and clearer skin. this is my body of proof that i can take on psoriatic arthritis with humira. humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific
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why don't you bring him a plate? >> who? >> him. >> oh, no, no. i'm not going to do that, he's the man of your dreams, not mine. >> come on, honey. >> no, no, he doesn't like me very much. >> don't be scared. >> his name is suicide. >> please? >> honey -- no. >> jimmy: that is greg kinnear and renee zellweger in "same kind of different as me." this is a true story. that's the title of a book that this is based on. >> yep, uh-huh. >> jimmy: i don't want to reveal much. tell us what the movie is about. >> well, it's like you said, based on a book, at true story of ron and debbie hall, a couple from ft. worth who befriended a homeless man named denver moore. together they decide they had were going to transform the services available for homeless
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people in their community. and they changed a lot of lives. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did any of the real people involved in this story, were they around the set? >> yeah, ron. who wrote the book about their experiences. and he's gone on to be an inspirational speaker. he and denver moore, they toured the country for years together. and they raised something like $70 million for homeless charities. >> jimmy: wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's very inspirational. >> yeah, it is. that's the idea of the book, you know. is to sort of change your thinking about the difference that you can make on your own by just making up your mind that you'd like to. >> jimmy: speaking of ins operation inspirational speakers, how many movies have you and matthew mcconaughey done together? >> that's a really good question. two, three? >> jimmy: two or three. >> i've been doing this awhile, y'all. >> jimmy: it started obviously with "dazed and confused."
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and then who would have guessed that two of the people in "the texas chainsaw massacre" sequel would go on to win academy awards? the odds to have to be against that. [ applause ] >> i hadn't made that connection but that's astute. >> jimmy: what do you remember about him at that time during those days? >> well, you know -- nice guy. he's still a friend of mine. in fact, i've met my best friend through him. i'm godmother now to her children. but i remember he was whittling while we were making that film, he was whittling a gear shift knob in the shape of texas for his truck. >> jimmy: oh, of course he was whittling a gear shift knob. >> it was great. >> jimmy: that's the most matthew mcconaughey thing you could possibly do. >> it was fantastic. >> jimmy: wow. >> we shared an agent before i met him. i didn't know this. she would call and say, there's this guy. he's going to school at ut too. you guys come to dallas all the
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time and audition for the same things, you should ride up together. i'd say, oh, yeah, yeah, thanks. here's his number, give him a call. yeah, yeah i'll definitely do this. i'm thinking to myself, there's no way i'm calling this actor guy, i'm going to get stuck in the car for 3 1/2 hours each way, this is not going to happen. when we were making "texas chainsaw massacre" he said, you know, that agent, she told me about you, and she gave me your number, and she told me i should call you and i said, hm, okay. and i was thinking, there's no way i'm calling that actress girl, stuck in the car for 3 1/2 hours. >> jimmy: wow. >> we're still pals. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i think if there's anything we've learned from those lincoln commercials is he likes to talk to himself in the car. [ laughter ] so don't take it personally. well, it's great to have you here. please come back again soon. renee zellweger, everybody! "same kind of different as me"
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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. still to come, music from sir roosevelt. our next guest is a very funny man who collected the wisdom of hundreds of podcast guests in this new book, "waiting for the punch." please say hello to marc maron. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: good to see you. >> nice to see you, jimmy. >> notice you have kind of a fashion thing. i just figured this out. you do seem to wear like a denim shirt a lot. >> you know what honestly this is the first time i've ever worn this one. >> jimmy: is it really? it's a new one? >> it's not new i just had it, well, let's give that a run. see how that works out on television. i'm known for making bad
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decisions fashion-buys on tv. >> jimmy: it suits you. >> i'm happy this is an original wrangler, it's not affected, it's a working man's denim shirt. >> jimmy: it's a wrangler's shirt. >> the denim pants on the other hand are very expensive, meeting them in the middle, yin and yang going on. >> jimmy: yeah, it's really -- >> i polished my boots for you. >> jimmy: oh, wow, did you really? [ applause ] wow, thank you. >> these boots, some people in vancouver made them for me. there are hipsters that they do pickles. they do -- they quilt. they make horseshoes. any city you go, you'll meet a hipster, some guy with a hat and a beard, would you like me to make you a vest? you're like, what are you talking about? that's all i do. but these people make shoes. >> jimmy: those were made for you specially. >> in vancouver. they're beautiful, aren't they? i polished them up. let's not talk about clothes, the world is ending. >> do you feel like it really is
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ending? >> what? do i feel like it's really ending? yeah, i do, kind of, don't you? >> jimmy: yeah, kind of. but i like to hear people tell me, no, it isn't. >> those people are getting harder to find, aren't they? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, they are. [ applause ] they seem to be fewer and farther between. >> all those people that used to rely on, chipper guy, are the one friend, it's going to be all right! they're like, i don't know, man, i don't know, not feeling it. when you live here, because you know we're pretty close to north korea, i think, around the globe. when you live in l.a. every night you're going to bed, is this it? is this the night he sees if one can make it over? then you start having weird thoughts, why did i get new curtains? i got to die looking at these? i should have got new curtains. >> jimmy: i have a different way of thinking about it. where i think like, oh, they're going to do it like during thanksgiving din, or sometime where we're not really paying attention to the news or what's going on. >> are you really?
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you think they need to do a sneak nuclear attack? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a sneak attack. >> yeah you're like that's going to surprise -- it's going to be a surprise no matter what day it is. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: i'm just lucky it will ob a monday. if it's going to happen. if you have any decency, kim jong-un, make it a monday. monday to be un-day. >> to me, like i'm prone to anxiety anyways. >> jimmy: yes, you are. >> when everything gets overwhelming. how do you distract yourself? you don't want to spend the entire day just hit in the face by trump everywhere. you open your phone, oh, he's there! everywhere, right? so like you don't -- you got to focus on something else. like just to get your mind off. >> jimmy: what do you focus on? >> yesterday i went through a box of wires. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the box of wires? >> everybody has a box of wires, man. >> jimmy: oh, yes. >> you got to go through them at
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some point, you know? everything you buy, every piece of technology comes with that one wire. what the hell does this one compado? it's wrapped up with ay, i better save it, might figure out what it does at some point. chargers, wires, things that don't work anymore. i went through that, i'm happy to report i threw none of them away. lau [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right, you can't. >> what if the world ends, the middle of the apocalypse, some guy half on fire comes up to my house with a machine ask goes, if we had a wire for this! i could save us! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: where is that adapter? >> then i could say, you know what, i got a box. we probably do. who would have known a palm pilot would have been the thing? [ laughter ] i think i got a charger and a style lulls. >> jimmy: oh, you got the
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stylus. this is very wise. the way you're approaching this, i like it. some of this i think is represented in this book. first of all, talk about the fact that you have a podcast. >> yes. >> jimmy: what you've done is collected some of the things you've learned from people on your podcast. >> well, yeah. it's -- the book came out really good. and i'm not saying that because we did it. but like -- the thing is i've talked to like 800, 900 people, right? there are themes that come up on the podcast that come up all the time. they're in the book. like growing up, sexuality, identity, relationships, addiction, mental health failures, success, all these things. i've taken bits and pieces of the 850-odd podcasts i've done of people. you know, bruce springsteen, president obama, wanda sykes, michael keaton, conan o'brien -- >> jimmy: let's see who else you have. >> they're all in there. >> jimmy: mel brooks, amy poehler. you know, it's funny. i was on your podcast. >> oh my god! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. when i got the book i thought,
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well, i can't wait to see which of my pearls of wisdom. so i went right to "k." well, there's karen kill fair riff, jim kirk man, tom kenmy. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: nick froel -- >> he's referenced, i didn't actually talk to him. >> jimmy: is it possible my name was misspelled? >> i don't know if you remember our conversation. >> jimmy: i remember it, yeah. >> it was here. i came here are. >> jimmy: yes. >> you demanded that. >> jimmy: right, yeah. [ laughter ] think i'm going to your garage? i don't know what's in there. >> like president obama came to my garage -- >> jimmy: it's packed with wires, who the hell knows what's in there? [ applause ] literally, i came here, we went to your office. you had a suvee tank. we talked about that most of the time. it was mostly about cooking salmon and your health. and oh yeah, i did some radio. >> jimmy: nothing about cooking -- you could have had a cook section. >> the next book.
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if you help me sell this. where's my camera? >> jimmy: it's upside down. it comes in both sides. [ cheers and applause ] why don't you and i do a whole book about salmon? >> i love salmon. wild salmon, i go to a place in glendale, i got a guy there, you know what i mean? >> jimmy: you got a guy for everything. you got pickles, horseshoes, salmon, you name it. >> this guy's not a hipster, he's an old school fish guy. >> jimmy: you don't want a hipster handling your fish, they have a lot of facial hair. >> if they caught the fish, that's fine, they can handle it. this guy's sort of like, get me the good piece. you watch him -- >> jimmy: i'm imagining my quote in your next book. "you don't want a hipster handling your fish, they have a lot of facial hair." great title for the sequel. there you go. "waiting for the punch" is marc maron's new book. it's got everybody in there, everybody who's ever said anything important, or even slightly helpful. is represented in this book.
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marc maron. we'll be right back with sir roosevelt. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes- benz. the best or nothing. fran grenier.
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new jersey born and raised. like his father before him, he served our country with honor in the navy. came home and worked his way up from floor technician to supervisor at the salem power plant. as a husband and father, grenier knows how families struggle to make ends meet. that's why he'll fight to cut our taxes, and stand up to career politicians like steve sweeney. if we want to change trenton, there's only one way. fran grenier.
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>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes- benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank renee zellweger, marc maron and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time for him tonight. "nightline" is next. but first, here with their single "sunday finest" sir rosevelt! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ it don't matter what day it is come on over ♪
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♪ and let yourself in sho' nuff we won't remember this ♪ ♪ call out the groundhog and let's do it again don't matter ♪ ♪ what day it is don't matter what day it is ♪ ♪ we turnin' up don't matter what day it is ♪ ♪ don't matter what day it is ya we turnin' up ♪ ♪ don't matter what day it is don't matter ♪ ♪ what day it is come on let's turn it up don't matter ♪ ♪ what day it is don't matter what day it is ♪ ♪ ahh woo put on your sunday finest ♪ ♪ and party like it's saturday night put on your sunday finest ♪ ♪ and party like it's saturday night i can't wait to see ♪ ♪ what you wear call your girls up and get 'em here ♪ ♪ dancin' bodies are gettin' drenched even the groundhog ♪ ♪ gonna do it again don't matter what day it is ♪ ♪ don't matter what day it is we turnin' up ♪
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♪ don't matter what day it is don't matter ♪ ♪ what day it is ya we turnin' up don't matter ♪ ♪ what day it is don't matter what day it is ♪ ♪ ♪ woo put on your sunday finest and party like ♪ ♪ it's saturday night put on your sunday finest and party like ♪ ♪ it's saturday night woo put on your sunday finest ♪ ♪ and party like it's saturday night put on your sunday finest ♪ ♪ and party like it's saturday night monday gon' turn it up ♪ ♪ tuesday gon' bring the funk wednesday gon' ♪ ♪ run the town thursday no slowin' down friday gon' hit the club ♪ ♪ saturday don't give a sunday we goin' in come monday ♪ ♪ we gon' do it again do it again do it again ♪ ♪ come monday we gon' do it again ahh ♪ ♪ woo
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put on your sunday finest and party like ♪ ♪ it's saturday night put on your sunday finest and party like ♪ ♪ it's saturday night woo put on your sunday finest and party like ♪ ♪ it's saturday night put on your sunday finest and party like ♪ ♪ it's saturday night [ cheers and applause ]
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, california burning. >> screaming fire, fire, fire, get out, get out. >> wildfires raging up and down the state, producie inreducing hundreds of homes to ashes. >> these fires are burning faster than firefighters can run. >> the dramatic escapes caught on camera, in the scorched earth of wine country, an industry in flames on a hunt for survivors in the midst of destruction. >> is that him? >> that's him! i been looking for two days for you guys! >> a flicker of joy. shock waves. after major stars allege decades of sexual harassment by movie mogul harvey weinstein, now a twitter battle between rose mcgowan and ben affleck. why she says he knew more than he's letting on.


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