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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  November 3, 2016 12:38am-1:38am EDT

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no... you don't understand! i-i need this ship to get back tovoyager.
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why is everybody trying to shoot me today? you know why i'm here. i don't know what you're talking about. who are you? i'm steth. what? look at me. you did wear this body for nearly a year before you switched it with mine.
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i want it back. bear with me for... for a second. we have more in common than you might think. this better be good, tom. i left vorik right in the middle of an e.p.s. recalibration. (sighs) you can thank me later. so what's my big surprise? what would you say to 24 glorious hours on the famed fourth planet of the kendren system? you mean the planet where neelix is gathering food samples? mm-hmm. i ran a few scans and found the most incredible beach on one of the smaller continents. i replicated a picnic lunch for us. voyagerisn't leaving orbit until tomorrow. we'd have an entire day. (laughs)
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we would need at least a week. oh, i wish we could, but we've only got a day. you're serious, aren't you? completely. do you know how much trouble we would be in? what could janeway do, execute us? tom, i am swamped. i can't get away for an hour, let alone 24. b'elanna... i have responsibilities here. we both do. responsibilities? i don't care! tom, you're hurting me. you're a real disappointment to me. i don't know what i ever saw in you. (sighs) seven. what brings you here at this hour?
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did you forget? i did. i got so caught up with my reading i guess it slipped my mind. sorry. the capillaries in your eyes are swollen, lieutenant and i see signs of vascular congestion in your cheeks. are you intoxicated? no, not at all. i was just exploring the replicator-- trying some alien beverages. only a few were alcoholic. you are not officially off duty for another 78 minutes. break. would you like to join me? i could replicate another trakian ale for you. that will not be necessary. oh, relax, seven. you're not on the borg cube anymore. we could finish our work on the shuttle tomorrow. that would be an inefficient use of our time. i will complete the work myself. (sighs) fine. before i leave, i would like to know why you were reading the captain's
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i wasn't. i saw the padd. it was unmistakably the captain's logs. you're wrong. you're... confused. you couldn't possibly have seen anything. you know i possess an eidetic memory. i require only seconds to commit what i see to memory. would you like me to quote the passage you were reading? i'm warning you-- stay out of my way. don't interfere in things that don't concern you. if you bother me again, i will make things very unpleasant for you. rm. don't be foolish.
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(door beeping) enter. you wanted to see me, captain. yes. i received a rather disturbing report from seven of nine regarding your conduct last night. she claims you were drinking on duty. (scoffs) she's mistaken, captain. don't lie to me, tom. i checked the computers. you replicated five alcoholic beverages
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atened her. (sighs) i'm sorry, captain. b'elanna and i had an argument. i was upset. and is that why you were reading my personal logs? i wasn't. seven recited a passage i'd written word for word. she probably accessed those files herself. captain, you can't take the word of a borg over mine. this has to stop, tom. your conduct lately has been bizarre and i've heard far too many complaints from far too many people to dismiss it-- akotay, the doctor, seven of nine. they're all worried about you, and so am i. you're right, captain. i need some rest. i'll go right to my quarters. tom... as your captain and as your friend... i want you to report to sick bay for some tests. we have to find out if there's something physical that's causing this behavior. this is crazy. i don't need any help.
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janeway: security, i need you in the ready room now! (coughing) are you hurt, captain? no. take him to sick bay. keep security with him.
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the coaxial drive will be on-line in a few minutes. good. i've just about overridden all the lockout commands. no offense, but i'd like to get out of your body as soon as possible. the alien seems capable of some sort of selective dna exchange. he absorbs new dna while depositing his current genetic material
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that's the last lockout command. we're set for coaxial warp. let's findvoyager. captain's log: supplemental. the doctor has treated mr. paris' phaser wounds but has been unable to wake him. the motive for his attack remains a mystery. neurological scans yielded very little but i did find something very interesting in his blood analysis. there are traces of a second dna pattern in his nucleotide structure. possibly the result of a genetic virus. could this be the cause of his recent behavior? i don't know, but i'm running more scans to see how this might have affected his neurological functions. chakotay: captain, a vessel just emerged from coaxial space off our starboard bow.
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hail them. captain janeway. oh, welcome back mr. steth. i know this sounds crazy, captain but i'm not steth. i'm tom paris. i beg your pardon. we're dealing with an alien who's some sort of identity thief. he traded places with me. please beam us aboard. der your request. end transmission. hold him in a tractor beam until you hear from me. i have a feeling steth and his new friend are behind whatever's happened to tom. captain? no time to explain. i'll be in sick bay.
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commander, i'm reading an unauthorized shuttle launch. it's the captain. she's in the shuttle tom's been working on. try hailing her. she's not responding. hail steth's ship. look, i don't know who you are but i want to know what's happening here. who's on that shuttle? captain janeway. no. i'm betting the alien s body for hers. you've got to let us out of this tractor beam. we can catch her with this ship. chakotay... it's me. how do i know that? the other day in your office you told me i'd turned my life around. well, give me the chance to prove it. let me go after the shuttle. it is the only way we can get everybody back into the right body. harry...
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ghs) 20,000 kilometers and closing. has he detected us yet? i'd say he has. gentlemen, i'd advise you to reconsider this pursuit. killing me will only keep you trapped in those bodies. he's right. we can't risk killing him. yeah, but nothing's keeping him from killing us. ot nearly as maneuverable as a shuttle. shields are down. i'm surprised you're so eager to reclaim your life onvoyager,tom. i was just as disappointed with it as you were. then i guess we were both wrong. it's time to move on again. oh, tom... be sure to send my best regards to b'elanna. hmm? (chuckling) he's charging the coaxial drive. set the sensors to track him.
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on't be able to follow him once he goes into coaxial warp. we're losing him! the carburetor! we added a polaric modulator to the coaxial drive. if i can target the modulator hit it with a chromoelectric pulse that'll disrupt his engines. here goes. (alarm blaring) (engines revving) i hope you still have my box wrench, steth. faulty carburetors can be a pain to fix. (sighs) captain's log, stardate 51775.2. while the alien intruder remains trapped in the body of his last victim the doctor has found a way to return tom, steth and me to our own bodies. doctor, i can't thank you enough.
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ctor: my pleasure. there were times when i thought i would be stuck in that body forever. and believe me i'm just as happy to be back to the old tom paris. what do you plan to do now? i'm going to take her back to bentha. i hope to find the person who belongs to that body. but who knows if that's the end of it? we have no idea how long she or he has been switching identities. it may take a while... but i will do whatever i can a security team will escort her to your ship and erect a force field to contain her. so this is where you've been hiding? a garage?
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this is a monument to hundreds and hundreds of hours... that i probably should have spent with you. probably? definitely. it's a lovely garage, tom but i still don't understand why you brought me here. well, consider it a symbolic gesture. it's my less than subtle attempt to... let you in. i see. to make it clear that i mean almost as much to you as a... a cam-a-ro. it's a mint condition 1969... ca-mare-oh.
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[captioning sponsored by paramount television and upn
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( groans ) neering. engineering, respond! this is the warship kumari calling imperial command. we've been attacked by a tellarite vessel! primary systems have failed! request immediate... computer: alert. warp containment breach in two minutes.
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they'll pay for this. this is shran. all crew to the escape pods! abandon ship. ? it's been a long road ? getting from there to here ? it's been a long time ? but my time is finally near nd i will see my dream come alive at last ? ? i will touch the sky ? and they're not gonna hold me down no more ? ? no, they're not gonna change my mind ? ? 'cause i've got faith of the heart ? ? i'm going where my heart will take me ? ? i've got faith to believe
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? i've got strength of the soul ? ? no one's gonna bend or break me ? ? i can reach any star ? i've got faith ? i've got, i've got ? ? i've got faith ? faith of the heart.
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the food on this ship isn't fit for animals! that mangy pet of yours would probably taste better. you can either take me home or find a new chef-- it's that simple. oh, something else: i want new quarters. is that so. for one thing, my room is too small; there are plasma conduits running across the ceiling. it's noisy! it keeps me up all night. maybe you'd sleep better in the cargo bay. what did you say to me? this is a starship, not a luxury liner. the accommodations, we can leave you behind in a shuttlepod. maybe you'll have better luck with whoever picks you up! and if you don't like chef's food, don't eat it. from the looks of things, you should probably skip the dessert table while you're at it! that was a nice touch. ( sighs ) ( laughing ) i can't believe i'm supposed to speak to their ambassador like that.
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even if they have nothing to complain about? in that case, they'll just insult you. whatever they say, you have to respond in kind. otherwise, they'll take offense. ( wry laugh ) a species that actually thrives on arguing. they probably make good politicians. thanks for the dry run. sir... i wasn't kidding about porthos. you think he's mangy? no... but you might want to keep him out of sight. delicacy. captain's starlog, november 12, 2154. we've arrived in orbit of tellar prime. starfleet's ordered us to transport their ambassador to a neutral planet designated as "babel," where earth mediators will try to settle a long-standing trade dispute between the tellarites and the andorians.
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everything ready for our guests? oh, just about. but my people are working triple shifts trying to finish that mud bath they wanted. mud bath?! apparently, the ambassador likes a good soak in the morning. something i don't understand-- these tellarites have warp ships, so why do we have to take them to the conference? babel's on the far side of andorian space. they won't allow tellarite ships to pass through their territory. now we're a shuttle service. this trade dispute is a little more urgent.
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you people are even uglier than i remember. captain jonathan archer. welcome aboard. ( grunts ) ambassador gral. ( grunts ) i'm told this ship is the pride of starfleet. i find it small and unimpressive. funny... i was about to say the same thing about you.
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it's far too cold in here. we're expected to stay on this ship for five days?! ( tucker laughs ) so he says, "well, i'm not really a pilot." ( laughs ) ah, you don't get it. warm enough? the ambassador requested the temperature be increased. again? yeah, i like these people more than i thought i would. they don't hold anything back. it's refreshing, speaking your mind for a change. you don't feel free to speak your mind with the rest of us? oh, you know what i mean.
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why don't you change your uniform before you stink up the place. ah, practicing your tellarite. i get it. when in rome... i beg your pardon? forget it. the ambassador wants to speak with you. ( wryly ): what a surprise. have we crossed into andorian space? a few minutes ago. the last time i was here, i was on the command deck of one of our cruisers... driving those blue demons back into their territory. the andorians came to your aid during the xindi crisis.
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you owe them your lives. earth wants a peaceful outcome just as much as you do. that isn't going to happen if we choose sides. your people have no experience in interstellar affairs! it doesn't seem that you have a lot of other options. your chef obviously went to a great deal of trouble. hmm! if i'd wanted to eat like this, i would've stayed at home! i was expecting to sample earth cuisine on this journey. i'll have him whip something up. ( com beeps ) ah!
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mmm, that smells delicious. thanks, but it's for sandra. i know ... such a shame about will. i'm glad you're doing this for her. do more. she's got a lot on her plate now between william's hospital expenses and his funeral bills. she also lost his pension when he died. it makes me wonder... i've been thinking the same thing. and, you know, sooner or later one of us may end up in the same position. and i think we need to protect ourselves with life insurance. yeah, but at our age and with your health? we don't have that kind of extra money. if we were going to get life insurance, we should've done it years ago.
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designed to cover the things we would need and it starts at 10 bucks a month. okay, so we can afford it. what about your health? you can't be turned down for health reasons. it's called guaranteed acceptance life insurance. what do you think? i think this is something we need to do. now, if you're age 50-75, it's easy to get reliable coverage at an affordable price. call massmutual today for guaranteed acceptance life insurance. you cannot be turned down. with one phone call, you can get coverage ranging from $2,000 - $25,000, and premiums can start at less than $10 per month. guaranteed acceptance life insurance can help your loved ones cover expenses such as funeral costs, remaining medical expenses and credit card bills. you can choose from several convenient payment options, and benefits are paid quickly and directly to your beneficiaries. they can use it for any expense they choose.
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we've picked up a message on an andorian channel. shran ( staticky ): ... mari calling imperial command. larite... ...systems have failed! request immediate... that's it. they have no ships within range. how long to intercept them at maximum warp? two hours. alter course. contact babel. let them know we're going to be delayed.
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i'd say their reactor breached. i'm detecting significant quantities of duranium alloy. this was most likely an andorian combat vessel. escape pods. multiple bio-signs. bring them into the launch bay. tell phlox to stand by for casualties. phlox: this would be easier if you'd take a few steps back. siology. ( door opening ) how many of my crew did you rescue? nineteen. our complement was 86. your distress call said you were attacked. ( snarling ): tellarites. we were escorting our ambassador to the trade conference
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in seconds; the tellarites crippled us with their next shot. i've never seen one of their vessels maneuver like this one. while those barbarians have been talking peace, they've obviously been improving their warships. why would the tellarites agree to let earth mediate your dispute if they were planning this strike? perhaps you should ask them. i suggest you scan for our data recorder. we seem to keep running into each other, captain. it's fortunate enterprise was close by. it's not a coincidence. we're carrying the tellarite delegation. they're aboard this ship? these aren't the people who attacked you. they may know who did.
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they're on my ship. you better keep them away from us or there will be bloodshed. i've analyzed these hull fragments. the damage is consistent with tellarite particle cannons. what about the black box? maged, but i was able to reconstruct the last few seconds of sensor data. tellarites. set course for andoria, best speed. these accusations are absurd.
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dorian sensor logs... look them over yourself. logs can be fabricated. you saw the debris field. for all we know, they destroyed the ship themselves. andorian technology is more advanced than ours. one of our cruisers wouldn't stand a chance against two of theirs! i want you to speak to your people. find out what you can. i am not comfortable with so many andorians aboard. contact your superiors. have them transferred to another vessel. let's get something straight... you're just a passenger on my ship. i give the orders. where are you taking them? back to andoria. you can't! they'll arrest us. they'll hold us responsible for this incident! if you're innocent, i'm sure you have nothing to worry about.
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from what i saw... she was a fine ship with a good crew. i was in command for 12 years. first ship of her class. most of the crew i served with even longer. they were more than colleagues. i knew their spouses... their children. i'm grateful talas survived. if i'd lost her... i didn't realize there was something going on it's a recent development. in the past, i never would've considered a relationship with someone under my command. what changed? andorian women are far more aggressive than earth females. she made a... an overture. i had a choice: charge her with assaulting a superior...
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i hope you made the right decision. i regret that you're drawn into another of our conflicts, captain. i seem to have a knack for it. i doubt that war can be avoided this time. when that sensor data is seen by imperial command... it doesn't make sense. why agree to a conference, then attack your ambassador? tellarites don't think like you or i do. they've been provoking us for months. we've lost six freighters along the border. we know they're responsible. tellarites claim they've lost ships of their own. you'd accept their word over ours? ( com beeps ) t'pol to captain archer. go ahead.
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what in the hell are they doing? our warp field's destabilizing. we're dropping to impulse. call them off. let me talk to them. this is commander shran of the imperial guard.
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my crew is aboard this ship! do you hear me?! abort your attack! phase-cannons, return fire! no damage. we need to get through their shields... how? they're going to kill all of us if you don't do something! these are the coordinates to their shield generator. archer: fire when ready. direct hit. their shields are still at maximum. impossible. shran...!
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torpedoes... maximum yield! ( beeping ) they're moving off. there's a fluctuation in their power grid. good work. it wasn't my doing, sir. i didn't target their power grid. now you're attacking us! this makes perfect sense, captain. they sent a distress call to lure you into a trap. we have no argument with starfleet. your people tried to destroy this ship! captain, i assure you, what happened does not represent the will or intent of my government. admit the truth. the imperial guard never wanted this conference to take place. they've obviously taken matters into their own hands. are you implying the imperial guard's been disloyal? i don't have to imply anything. the facts speak for themselves.
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what? its shield matrix had a completely different configuration. what is that supposed to prove? several of our warships have been reported missing over the years. the tellarites could have taken one of them-- enhanced its systems. ( laughs ) he's suffering from paranoia, captain. i'm not paranoid. your people are trying to kill us! i've had enough of your lies! that's enough! you want to fight, i'll throw both of you in the brig. you can tear each other to pieces. what happened? archer claims to be impartial, but it's obvious he's inclined to believe the andorians. we may have made a mistake in trusting these humans.
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e prisoners on this ship. have you stopped to consider archer may be conspiring with the andorians? t'pol's found something you're going to want to see. t'pol: we retrieved this from your ship's data recorder. this is the power signature of the vessel that destroyed the kumari. this signature belongs they're identical. that can't be correct. examine the data yourself. your sensors are unsophisticated. there's been a mistake. we've confirmed the data. what are you suggesting... that these two vessels are actually the same ship? i don't know what i'm suggesting, but we need to keep our minds open.
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every accord we've made with them. they can't be trusted. your desire for a peaceful resolution is blinding you from the truth! commander, perhaps... i've heard enough from you! vulcans are expert liars. perhaps your people are behind this. you're speaking to my first officer. ( com beeps ) tucker to the bridge. go ahead. warp engines will be on-line in ten minutes. we'll have hull plating back within an hour. we've located the warp trail of the ship that attacked us. we're going to follow it. some of my crew are in serious condition. they need attention from our physicians. it'll take four days to get to andoria. by then, that ship'll be long gone. something wrong with your meal?
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do you think we're moving too fast? commander tucker believes its safe to maintain this warp factor. that's not what i meant. earth's got a lot riding on the outcome of these talks. but i'm not sure we knew what we were getting into. these people have been feuding for over a century. handle this. although our relations have improved recently, it's clear the andorians don't trust us. aside from breathing oxygen, it doesn't seem to me that andorians and tellarites have a hell of a lot in common. the same has been said about humans and vulcans. hoshi tells me you got a transmission from vulcan this morning.
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it was from koss. our marriage has been officially dissolved. i'm sorry to hear that. you have nothing to apologize for. ( com beeps ) reed: bridge to captain archer. archer. i believe we've found the andorian ship, sir. we're on our way. report. i've been unable to locate the malfunction. then i suggest you double your efforts. this is enemy territory. we can't remain here any longer without... ( alarm sounds ) there's a vessel approaching.
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you said you found the andorians. i don't understand it, sir. the warp trail ends right here. t'pol: their primary systems are off-line. hail them. no response. bio-signs are indeterminate.
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they appear to be subspace transceivers. why would they need so many? their hull is also lined with multi-spectral emitters. for what purpose? i prefer not to speculate. find out who these people are. take a team of macos with you. their life support's off-line. bring trip along. see if he can get it working. reed: you two start down there. tucker: this whole section's depressurized. reed: let's hope the rest of this ship isn't as cramped. tucker: i can't read anything through these bulkheads. reed: stay alert!

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