tv ET Entertainment Tonight NBC November 11, 2016 7:30pm-8:00pm EST
but i'm middlin', middlin'. that's a good way to be, middlin'. you know, andy... hi, bert. hiya, barney. how are ya? middlin'. he's middlin', he's middlin'. what are ya sellin' these days, bert, anything? oh, this and that. like what? oh, first one thing, then the other. well, what's in the suitcase? different things. for pete's sake, bert, open it up. we might buy somethin' off of ya. oh, you probably don't need nothin' no way and i don't wanna appear pushy. now-now, what's in the suitcase? show us. well, all right, you want me to show ya? ah! see, that's what i mean about that bursitis in my shoulder. i been tellin' andy, from liftin' this suitcase i got bursitis in my shoulder. my feet been troublin' me a lot lately, too. tell him 'bout the doorbells. ringin' those doorbells drove me crazy. just like i told you fellas-- a little bit of this and a little bit of that and the next thing and that's about the whole kit and caboodle.
you got any razor blades? razor blades? yeah. why? well, i'd like to buy some. you sure? don't buy 'em lessin' you need 'em. i'm sure, i'm sure. well, now, look, andy... if ya want a shave, i'll lend ya my razor. no, bert. don't look like you need a shave. bert, i'd like to get some blades. well, all right, all right. i just don't wanna push myself on ya. ya got any socks, bert? socks? size ten and a half. yeah, but i'm gonna give ya a size 11. just as cheap and they wear a little bit longer. could be you're still growin'. ( all laughing ) that's good, bert. heard that from a fella in raleigh. still growin'. well, hello there, bert. oh, uh, hi, aunt bee. you haven't been by our house lately. i was tellin' the fellas i have trouble with my feet. tell her about your bursitis. in the shoulder. and the doorbells bother him, too. the doorbells drive me crazy. what have you got in your suitcase?
ee. and different things. and a whole lotta this and that. oh, i don't know. aunt bee'd like one thing and another. hard to tell-- either that or different things. yeah. what are you talking about? it's either socks, razor blades or first one thing and then another. we ain't got time to stand around while you make up your mind. i want an apron. you want an apron, you get an apron. where's the aprons? under the spoons. under the spoons. there's your apron and here's a pair of socks. some real long garters. oh, stop it. how much for the apron, bert? 87 cents. oh, well, you pay for it, andy. you see to it that you come by our house. bye, boys. bye, aunt bee. 87 cents. watch the hat. don't squash the hat, no. with the bursitis and the sore feet we don't wanna give him a head cold. is that all the high sheriff got to do, just sit? why, howdy, ben.
you ought to be tendin' to your job. huh? come on over here. they don't allow peddlin' on the streets of mayberry. why don't you stop him? bert? well, he ain't really peddlin'. well, it sure looks like it to me. what if he is, ben? now, look... i'm a legitimate tax-payin' merchant and i say get him off the street. oh, he'll be movin' along pretty soon. anything else? no, there's nothing more. ing on the street. if you want to keep on bein' sheriff get him off the street. well, of all the gall. why'd you let him talk to you like that, andy? boy, i sure wouldn't. you wouldn't? no. you know what i'd have said if he'd have jumped on me like that? what? i'd have said "who died and left you the boss? "why don't you go set in a grocery store so we can all know you're the big cheese?"
"know you're the big cheese"? yeah. that's good. yeah, big cheese. hey, uh... hey, barn? huh? we ain't got much to do right here in the middle of the week, have we? no. wanna have some fun? how? let's pick at ol' ben a little bit. he says he don't want bert sellin' on the street. let's move that bench in the vacant lot and put bert's suitcase on it and set him up a temporary store. let's do that. come on, come on, come on. hey, uh, hey, bert? say your feet been botherin' ya? my feet been givin' me a rough time. your shoulder's hurtin'? bursitis. the doorbells bother ya? you know, i can't stand them doorbells. well, i believe we got a cure for that. huh? why not move your suitcase over to crowley's vacant lot and set up a temporary store? oh, no, no, i couldn't do that. well, why not? well, folks might get the idea i's bein' pushy. why would they? you'd be settin' and sellin'--
ells. don't that sound good? yeah, it does. well, do it, then. well, now, are you sure that they won't 'spect i was bein' pushy? i'm sure. 'cause i hate a pushy salesman. i know. come on, let's move it. ? you get a line and i'll get a pole, my honey ? ? you get a line and i'll get a pole, my babe ? ? you get a line and i'll get a pole ? ? we'll go down to the crawdad hole ? ? honey, baby, mine ? ? what you gonna do when the well runs dry, my honey? ? ? what you gonna do when the well runs dry, my babe? ? ? what you gonna do when the well runs dry? ? ? set on the bank and cry, cry, cry ? ? honey, baby, mine. ? yeah, yeah? here comes ben. we got to him. oh, good, good. hey, let's be singin'. "sunshine." ? spread a little sunshine every day ? ? spread a little sunshine every day ? ? help someone... ? sheriff, i want... wait, wait, wait...
? spread a little sunshine every day. ? ain't that purty? i didn't come here for a concert. i come here with a complaint, sheriff. well, what would that be, ben? oh, you know what it is. i told you i didn't want that drummer peddlin' the street. oh, bert? oh, bert ain't on the street. he's on crowley's vacant lot. i'd say that's a good seven, eight feet off the street, wouldn't you, barn? oh, you know what i'm talkin' about and besides, the law says that a business establishment is not a business now, what bert miller's doin' is against the law. he's peddlin' in the street. now, you do somethin' about it. ben, you're gettin' yourself all worked up over nothin'. now, just listen to this song-- like they say "music hath charms to soothe the savage beast." ? help someone along life's way ? ? spread a little sunshine every day. ? ain't that purty? ahh!
about gettin' bert off the street? no, about a roof. a business establishment ain't a business unless it's got a roof. you got an idea? yeah, and it'll make ben so happy. sheriff. oh, howdy, ben. well, what's the matter? you look like you're about to have a spell. you think you're pretty smart, don't ya? you know doggone well what i'm talkin' about-- bert miller sellin' on the street. he's still at it. ben, you said a business ain't a business unless it's got a roof on it. well, he's got one. andy: i'd say that's a roof wouldn't you, barney? well, yeah, i'd say it is. i didn't ask you. now, ben, if that's a roof the man's got a legitimate business. i'll see ya. yeah, bu...
just a minute, sher... oh-oh, howdy, ben. you lookin' for us? by roof, i mean a proper structure. a bench and an umbrella is not a proper structure. i'd say a bench and a umbrella's a proper structure, wouldn't you, barn? certainly looks... i am talking to the sheriff. now, look here, sheriff i've been running a store in this town for goin' on 25 years and i ain't about to let any fly-by-night peddler take the play away from that store. you understand? now, ben, you don't honestly believe that bert miller's any competition to you. all he sells... i'm talkin' to the sheriff. say, you seem to be mighty interested in tryin' to help this fella out. why? because of a sayin' you might have heard-- "live and let live." he's tryin' to make a honest livin' and he ain't takin' nary a bit of business from you and you know it. that's certainly the way i fe... you stay out of this. just the same, i'm tellin' you for the last time-- you get that man off the street, you hear? i'm givin' you a warning.
because i can get it done. you know it. ( door shutting and both laughing ) really wanna get ben goin'? yeah. how? bert needs a structure. let's build him one. i know where we can get lumber. i'll call raleigh and get some merchandise sent on consignment. oh, we'll build bert one outstandin' sellin' place. we'll build him a sellin' place that looks like a sellin' place. you like that? yeah. am i gettin' too pushy? oh, no. if there's one thing i can't stand, it's a pushy sheriff.
how much? well, miss palmer i'd sell it to you if you need it. of course i need it. well, i don't wanna force nothin' on you. if you think you really need it... i need it. yeah, and really like it. i like it. i love it, bert. if you get it home and start hatin' it you bring it back, you hear? i will. you do that. don't care for it much myself. i'll get you a fancy box. well, howdy, bert. howdy, miss mason. hi, andy. good morning, sheriff, barney. how's it going? everything's going fine, andy. thanks to you. don't you mention it. what is this? what is this? wha-wha-what is this? ben, what are you complaining about now? you said the man needed a roof. you said he needed a proper structure. he's got one. what else, ben? all right.
i gave you the proper reasons and i tried to be nice about it. oh, you've been nice. hasn't he been nice, barney? oh, he's been a real sweetheart. he sure has. would you say he was nicer about the stand than the umbrella or was he nicer about the umbrella than the stand? oh, i don't know. i'd say he was nicer about the stand. 'cause it's bigger. ben, you know you're smart. you're smart to make people believe that you're a skinflint and a mean old tight wad how sweet and kind you really are they'd take advantage of you. you'll be sorry. hi, pa. oh, hi, ope. you sure are up kinda late. how come? ( mumbling ) i've been over at weaver's shopping. what at where? at weaver's. well, i got two questions
what did you use for money? didn't need any money. he's giving stuff away. that takes care of my first question, too. weaver's giving stuff away? it ain't just stuff, pa. it's valuable. i'll show you. see? balloons. and gum. every kid in town's over there. weaver's sure doing a lot of business. with the young'uns? hmm-mm. with their folks. folks? he's giving stuff to their folks? not exactly, but i heard them say mr. weaver's selling things cheap. sellin' things cheap, huh? did you notice if anybody was over at bert miller's stand? ( mumbling ) never mind.
howdy, bert. oh, hi, andy. things are a little quiet today. yeah, i expect so. yeah, well, folks bought a lot of stuff yesterday. oughta last 'em for a good, long while. that's why i figured it's kinda slow today. don't you reckon? s you're being squeezed out of business. wha-what, andy? ben weaver's sellin' stuff a whole lot cheaper over at his store than you can so folks are buyin' from him. oh. uh... bert, uh...
you see, uh... this-this... this whole thing started as a joke. i was tryin' to irritate ben a little bit, and... well, i... i guess it got out of hand. i'm sorry about that. oh, gee, that's all right, andy. don't matter at all. see, i never expected to stay in this spot too long nohow-- just long enough to kinda rest my feet for a while... and, you know, get away from them ringin' doorbells for a while. well, we, uh... we did get one thing done, though. we got old ben weaver to sell things a little bit cheaper. ( laughing ) we... we did that. well, i'll, uh...
. pilot and he owes me a favor. i'll, uh, i'll, uh... i'll get him to loan me one of his trucks and we'll get this stuff back to raleigh. oh. yeah, uh, andy... that's-that's-that's a good idea. get the truck and i'll get this stuff all packed up here, huh? yeah. rd. what did it hurt him havin' bert run his little old stand? well, we've been all through that. uh-oh. looks like we're gonna have company. here comes ben. probably wants to crow a little. what's this stevens' truck doing here? well, ben, if you have to know...
to open a store in mayberry. what's going on, andy? well... did stevens make a deal with bert? it ain't fair, andy. it just ain't fair. what? i didn't think you'd go this far, andy. i've been in business here in mayberry for 25 years. now you're letting an outsider in. no, mr. weaver... ben, we didn't know you was that interested. come on, barney, we got a lot of work to do. let's get this shipment unloaded. andy, we just... let's get the shipment unloaded. oh, yeah. yeah, let's get it unloaded. now, look here. are you just gonna stand by and let stevens get a toehold on mayberry? wait a minute. where's your loyalty to the citizens of your own hometown? well, ben, you shoulda said something. i didn't know you wanted to build another store here. i don't wanna start another store here. i just don't want stevens in. you can do something about that.
what happens to bert? well, if stevens can set him up i reckon i can to. he can go to work in my store. well, i'll have to ask him. bert, how'd you like to go to work for ben weaver? huh? no more walkin', no carryin' a suitcase no ringin' doorbells-- just a nice job in a store. you said you liked it. yeah, well, it sounds fine and all... yeah, i'd be glad to if you think he needs me... i mean, if he really needs me. oh... just a minute. uh... he, uh... he said that, uh, he might go to work for you but he is wonderin' somethin'. he is wonderin' who needed him more-- stevens or, uh... oh, for... i'll pay him as much as stevens'd give him and more than that.
he needs you, bert. he needs you. oh, that's fine. i can start anytime as soon as i get this merchandise returned and clean up around here a little. uh, wait. wait. wait just a minute. uh... he'll come to work for you, on one condition. what's that? that you buy out his stand, and move it off the lot. i've got no use for that stand. well, somebody else might have. i guess i just bought myself a stand. okay. when can you go to work? tomorrow morning, i hope you'll like the way i do my job. i can sell but i just don't push myself on anybody. barney: you're gettin' the best salesman in mayberry. uh-uh. second best.
w. you're workin' for him. oh, howdy, ben. how's everythin'? how's bert workin' out over at the store? oh, he's all right. the main thing i was interested in was seeing that lot get cleaned up-- keepin' the new business from startin' up in there. wouldn't look good, you know. oh, about that, ben-- i'm afraid i've got some bad news. huh? did you pass the lot on the way over here? no. there's a new business over there. what? now, wait a minute. you promised me that you'd keep that lot clean. now you're going back on your promise. you ain't dealin' fair, sheriff. ben, the least you could do is to go talk with the fella... have a look at his place and talk to him. i don't wanna talk to anybody.
[indian music playing] [indian music playing] gabrielle (offscreen): india is so different, and yet there's this connection, too, you know? it's so exotic, so mysterious, so-- look! xena (offscreen): maybe that's india's way rolling out the red carpet. that's got to hurt. india is completely different. gabrielle (offscreen): it's such a strange place. it's-- -well, it ain't greece.