tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC July 22, 2009 3:05am-4:00am EDT
pplause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello, everybody! hey. how are you? how are you? how are you? hey. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. happy tuesday. happy tuesday to everybody. let's get right to the news. president obama, he attended the all-star game in st. louis tonight. he was there to give a ten-round bailout to whoever was losing in the 9th inning. that was nice of him. [ laughter ] i guess everyone is following sonia sotomayor's supreme court confirmation hearing. did you hear what happened yesterday? her twin nephews fell asleep during the hearings. [ laughter ] but in their defense, they were watching a supreme court confirmation hearing. [ laughter ] what your supposed to do? root for it? start the wave? sarah palin's friends say they are worried about her because she looks frail and her hair is thinning. it's all part of her plan to run for president in 2012 as john mccain. [ laughter ]
it's gotta work. democrats want an investigation into a secret cia program that was concealed from congress by dick cheney. the program is so secret, cheney could tell you about it, but then he'd have to take you hunting. [ laughter ] "it's duck season." "it's friends season." "no, it's duck season." president obama's teleprompter fell to the ground and shattered yesterday during a speech on the economy. wow, even speeches about the economy are crashing. that's bad. that's not good. [ laughter ] see, that's why i don't use the teleprompter. i use cue cards, because nothing could -- could ever go wrong with cue cards. [ laughter ] nobody could even tell they're-- they're there. there. [ light laughter ] let me see that. i'm sorry. there we go. this is ridiculous. [ cheers and applause ] anyone want this? hey. [ cheers and applause ]
all right. sorry about that. read that wrong. nothing can go wrong with cue cards at all. [ laughter ] air jump rope. air double tch. you come right in with me if you want. come on. [ laughter ] hey, congratulations to molly ringwald, everybody. she gave birth to twins on friday. molly ringwald. [ cheers and applause ] very nice. which means the twins will turn 16 on july 10th, 2025. i just don't want anyone to forget. [ light laughter ] ryan seacrest signed a $45 million contract to host "american idol" over the next three years. $45 million. making the highest paid reality host in history. when asked to comment, paula abdul said -- [ slurring ] "i'm fine to drive!" [ laughter ] "what are you talking -- gimme
the keys. shut up. give me my keys." weird. that was her comment? lauren conrad, star of "the hills," she topped the children's "new york times" bestseller list with her book "l.a. candy." as a result, the department of education has launched a new program telling kids not to read. [ laughter ] that's weird. interesting. but it's doing much better than heidi montag's new book, "me write words." [ laughter ] i thought it was a pretty good book. it's three pages long. it was pretty good. i read it twice. and finally, some interesting news from broadway. larry king's wife, shawn, is close to landing one of the lead roles in the new "spider-man" musical. she's perfect for the part. sleeping with larry king has made her an expert at clearing away spider webs. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] hey, everybody, we got a great show tonight! give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: all right. wale is sitting in with the roots tonight. wale, how your doing, buddy? [ cheers and applause ] he's performing on the show tonight with daniel merriweather, who is another great guy. a very british guy. he's got a new style. what song -- >> dan's australian, jimmy. >> jimmy: is he australian? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, they got weird accents, both of them. i don't know. he's australian? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, i thought he was from the u.k. >> yeah, he's australian, though. >> jimmy: oh. >> it's all good, though. he can be u.k. tonight. >> jimmy: he can be u.k. tonight. but he's from australia? >> yeah. >> jimmy: down under. >> crocodile dundeal is what we call him. >> jimmy: "that's not a beat. this is a beat." and then he just goes into it. [ laughter ] what's the song you guys doing tonight? >> it's called "change." actually, he sold 350,000 records over there -- over there. wherever there is. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: tell me where. i want to know where. >> global. like other than america. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah.
>> jimmy: maybe england? >> just there. wherever there is. >> jimmy: just over there somewhere. >> everywhere. he's the man over there. >> jimmy: yeah, he is the man. it's a great song. but you've got a new album coming out. >> yes, september 22nd. it's called "attention: deficit." you know. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: september 22nd. >> i just go up to d.c., maryland and virginia. that's where i'm from. first kind of real rap -- not real rapper, but like a rapper that can be on "jimmy fallon" rapper. [ laughter ] i'm showing you so i can do my record next time. so, you all, make some noise if you all want to see me perform here next week. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy, gonna call you -- he probably called you already so we can set that up. >> jimmy: that's good. let's do that. that's not how it works on our show. [ laughter ] we don't go, "you guys want to see him perform?" or else we would have five people from the audience performing next week. "hey, w wants me to sing?" the roots want to go on. yeah, they want to go. questlove's got a solo. we'd be psyched to have you on.
you got to come back. >> we'll do it when it's time. >> jimmy: i'd love it, man. september 22nd. "attention: deficit." >> yeah. >> jimmy: good man. and you are on mark ronson record, right? >> yeah. allido records. interscope. >> jimmy: allido records. ronson's awesome. hey, i have to tell everybody quickly. our new sponsor -- i want to thank our new sponsor is sprint. here's the palm pre from sprint. it's a cool phone. i like the phone because it's ind of a touch screen phone but it's all -- look at this. you can do pandora and then you can do -- you go to twitter. you've got the pictures here. i went to nascar over the weekend. that's a school scene, nascar. i wonder if i can get to the -- there's me there. i got drk with that dude. yeah, look at that guy. [ laughter ] he's a guy you want to hang out wi. but it's a cool phone. i like it. also, if you like to type and type on actual keys, you slide this out of the bottom and you have a qwerty keyboard right there. kind of cool. it's a fun phone.
here at the show, we're making letters home something of the rules. so just like my camp counselors had to do with me, i'm checking in with erybody else to make sure they are writing their letter. let's see. let's check in with dave diomedi, who directs the show, up in the control room. dave? dave, can you please read your letter. >> sure. yeah. "dear, mom and dad, directing the 'jimmy fallon' show is super awesome. and cue music." ♪ "sometimes i have to yell stuff out to people and tell them what to do. and cue graphic dissolve. sometimes when i am directing the 'jimmy' show, i like to pretend that i am on a submarine like sean connery in 'hunt for red october.' and cue connery graphic. sometimes i'll say things like 'load torpedoes, fire, dive, dive!' this is fun to do because comedy shows do not have torpedoes, and it confuses the crew. and cut to confuse camera."
[ laughter ] "and cut back to me. sean connery was awesome in 'hunt for red october.' and he is an inspiration for bald authority figures like me. love, dave. p.s., i jumped in a lake with my sneakers on, and cut to jimmy." [ laughter ] >> very good, dave. thank you. very nice. [ applause ] very sweet. seann william scott is on the show tonight. he's a great guy. he's back in the makeup room getting ready. seann, do you have your letter? >> i got my letter right here. "dear mom, being on the 'jimmy fallon' show is super fun. it makes me happy that i am friends with jimmy." [ laughter ] "flying to new york is super scary. flying is the fastest type of 'transportshe.' see what i did there? i shortened transportation." [ laughter ] "it's a super cool thing to do that i learned from one of the guys heret camp. i have also learned to say 'sched' for schedule and 'sich'
for situation. oh, my god, it's so cool. i wish there was a shorter word for cool, like 'ku.' that was so ku. i guess it doesn't work all the time. anyways, some big weird dude jumped in -- he's bald. some weird bald dude jumped in the lake with his sneakers on. it was 'hilair.' 'sincersh,' seann william." [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you seann williams. thank you so much. let's check in with one of the writers. does deetch have his letter? [ crashing sound ] oh, my gosh. was that -- what was that? deetch? [ laughter ] >> "dear mom and dad, a big light just fell on me, and i will probably die really soon." [ laughter ] "please tell jimmy i had a great time at the show. it was awesome. tell katie my ten-speed is no longer off limits.
if you see ken griffey jr., which you probably won't, but if you, do tell him he's my favorite and to hit a home run for me. but only if he wants to. i leave this life with one final thought. 'the gilmore girls' is a great show." [ laughter ] "and it's not just for girls. it is a rich tapestry of small-town america, and the characters come to life in a way that is awesome. i wish i lived in stars hollow with luke and lorelai and worked at luke's diner. luke is awesome." [ laughter ] "i'm sad that i won't live to see the day when people like me write comedy on the moon, and by people like me, i mean italians." [ laughter ] "feed buster for me. love, deetch." >> jimmy: wow. very nice. [ applause ] we'll miss you, deetch. we'll really miss you. glad you had the time to write your letter. and you've always wanted to work
at luke's. i'll go last, as usual. i'll use my letter reading voice for this. [ in exaggerated english accent ] "dearest, mommy and daddy, occupied as i am in the televisor, i am called upon once in the fortnight to grace a public event with my presence. i have the good fortune this weekend to attend a nascar event on saturday. never before have i seen so many automobiles go round and round. round they went. round and round and round and round and roundnd round again." [ laughter ] "circumnavigating the great paved oval they call the track. i grew quite dizzy. just when i thought it was over, the cars went round and round again for a victory lap. the spectators were pleased." [ laughter ] many of them un-shirted
themselves over the course of the contest. their skin was lilly white, save certain sun damaged portions under the neck and arms. i believe this is what they call the tan of the farmer. what a clever turn of phrase. the irony being they aren't tanned the least. i had quite a belly laugh at this until several of them hurled their meat at me. t'was all in good fun, i assure you. life certainly is diverse in its delights, don't you say? affectionately yours, james thomas fallon iii." [ cheers and applause ] all right, well, that's all the time we have for "letters home." always important to stay in touch with your family. we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we set ourselvesdard
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♪ >> jimmy: hey! welcome back to the show, everybody. welcome back. now, as you probably noticed, every tv show on the air these days seems to be doing makeovers. that's why instead of doing our own makeover segment, we've decided to go the other way and do a makeunder. here's a new segment we're calling "extreme audience makeunder." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ extreme audience makeunder ♪ >> jimmy: all right, everybody.a here's how "extreme audience makeunder" works. before the show we found two nice looking audience members waiting in our line and we asked them if they'd be willing to go head-to-head in a makeunder battl we then took themo te e xtreme audience makeunder" thug zone where -- "extreme audience makeunder" fug
zone where -- [ light laughter ] where for the past few hours, they've been receiving a comprehensive image downgrade. in just a moment, we'll let you vote on who will become our first makeunder winner. but first, let's meet our contestants. >> steve: our first contestant is isaac. a student from new york city. as you can see, isaac has two eyes, a nose and a mouth that is separated from the nose by skin. as part of his makeunder, isaac will receive detailed eyebrow uniting or unibrow, jaundicing, sweater vesting, parachute panting and overall confidence lowering. isaac is our first contestant on "extreme audience makeunder." >> jimmy: all right. i'm standing here with isaac's good friend holly. holly, come on over. how are you? >> i'm fantastic, jimmy fallon, how are you? jimmy: doing really good. you say the full name. >> yes, jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: jimmy fallon. oh, very good, i like that. what's your last name holly? >> holly pate. >> jimmy: holly pate. >> yeah. >> jimmy: holly pate and jimmy fallon. that's it. that's the way we do it. are you excited to see your friend? >> kind of nervous, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah -- well, let's -- let's do it here. this is isaac before. ♪
>> jimmy: and this is isaac after! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: isaac, very nice! isaac -- isaac, what do you think? what do you feel? >> i'll be honest. i feel pretty awful. check out these pearly whites. >> jimmy: it's pretty yellow there. ew, god, that is gross. i like that facial hair. it's kind of good. holly, what do you think? holly pate, what do you think? >> you know, today i don't like him, but i think, in college, i probably would have had a big crush on him. >> jimmy: i don't know if anyone would have a crush on this dude. i like the socks and sandals combination. that's pretty nice. well, isaac, please stand on the "extreme audience maunder" lazy susan so that we can take a look at you before and after. ♪ >> steve: as you can see, the new isaac has everything the old isaac didn't, smokers teeth, goth like paleness, facial hair that will likely drop into his
food, acne and thanks to our de-motivational coach a debilitating sense that he will never adequately fulfill his dreams. please meet the new isaac. jimmy? >> jimmy: wow, very nice. isaac, please step down. that was very nice. very good. now, let's meet the person isaac will be competing against. >> steve: our second contestant is vanessa, a program coordinator from sunnyvale, california. vanessa has balanced body and traditional distribution of limbs, organs and face -- as part of her makeunder, vanessa will receive roots growing, teeth staining, face oranging, a moomoo, sadness training and a completely undeserved amount of ridicule. vanessa is our second contestant on "extreme audience makeunder." t's bring over vanessa's husband ryan. ryan, come on over. how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: my voice got really serious. this is a very serious show. yeah. are you excited about wh's about to happen? >> yeah, she -- she wanted this her whole life. [ laughter ] maybe in opposite order, but -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah --
is fa ithtints c.as wel o et l d'sthis. this is vanessa before. ♪ >> jimmy: and this is vanessa after! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, that's nice. i like that. >> jimmy: and what do you -- vanessa -- what do you think? >> i feel aged and ugly. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it's fantastic. it's vintage. what do you think? >> actually, this is the way she looked when i first met her. [ audience oohs ] [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's fantastic. you're attracted to her. i think you look fantastic, vanessa. i like the gap between the teeth. that's very good. vaness, please stand on the "extreme makeunder" lazy susan, so we can take a look at you before and after. ♪ >> steve: as you can see, the new vanessa is all about darkness and self doubt. originally a summer, the "extreme makeunder" team have helped transformed her into what they call a stormy and slutty winter. she's been from rosy to rashy
and appealing to appalling. please meet the new vanessa. jimmy? >> jimmy: vanessa, please step down. fantastic. my gosh. you do look great. >> thanks. >> jimmy: both of you guys. this is like -- i'd play poker with you guys on wednesday night. this is exactly the guys i hang out with. it's time for you to vote on who you think is uglier. you'll vote by applause. let's see how you feel about isaac! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: let's see how you feel about vanessa! [ cheers and applause ] all right, everybody. and the winner is vanessa, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: fantastic -- >> thank you. >> jimmy: inflatable crown. vanessa, please, take one last spin. [ light laughter ] enjoy your moment. we'll be right back with seann william scott, everybody. [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's fantastic. he looks like a combination of a "tim and eric" character in one character. and she actually still looks cute. awesome. you guys make a good couple, too, even though i know you're just friends. well, you know our first guest from his role as stifler in the "american pie" movies, and most recently, his comedy "role models."
he's is the voice of crash in the animated smash hit "ice age: dawn of the dinosaurs." say hello to seann william scott, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. >> how are you, man? >> jimmy: thanks for coming on the show, buddy. >> dude, i'm psyched. psyched to be here. it's good to see you. >> jimmy: last time i saw you was "saturday night live." >> i know, we had a good time. >> jimmy: remember we did like a jarret's room sketch. >> that's right. >> jimmy: you were playing a dorm room kid. you were having a kegger. >> it was beer pong. no it was -- >> jimmy: two words -- >> two-word beer pong slip cup. >> two-word beer pong slip cup. or something like that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it was more than two words. no, it was great. it was good. i'm happy you're here. i heard you had a rough day the other day. >> oh, dude, it was crazy. like i -- i live in new york sometimes, but when i'm trying to get work, i have to go to l.a. and so i live kind of out in the
country in malibu, and it's pretty quiet out there. and i was watching the ufc fights. it was the reruns of them. and so it gets me all jacked up. >> jimmy: you watch the ufc fights? >> yes. >> jimmy: brutal fights. >> yeah, it's crazy. and it was a good night, too. so, i'm sitting there, and i'm wearing my tighty whities fred flintstone underwear. >> jimmy: that's a given. that's a given, yeah. >> oh, yeah. i mean, like, every guy has their underwear that they've been wearing for 12 years. i think, right? >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> so, i'm sitting there -- >> jimmy: the elastic is all worn out. >> exactly. i'm holding them up with like safety pins. stuff like that. i'm chilling out. i've got my dog named dude. he's like a year old. >> jimmy: your dog's name is dude? >> yeah it seemed really fitting. >> jimmy: of course. that's a great name. what kind of dog is he? >> he's a yellow lab. >> jimmy: cool. >> he's a year. >> jimmy: so you and your buddy. >> he's my best friend. >> jimmy: you're in your underwear. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what is the dog wearing? >> he's wearing underwear as well. still diapers.
he's had a long time. so, i'm -- i'm locking up all the doors. so, all of a sudden, i am about to go upstairs and i hear this voice. i was like -- there's somebody in my house, man. and i listened for a second. my dog is going crazy. now, i am in my fred flintstone tighty whities. and my dog is going crazy. and i'm like -- there's definitely something -- 'cause i didn't have a tv on in my bedroom. i'm like -- i'm freaked out, man. i'm like, i am not tough. i am not like ufc -- i'm like, can i act tough? i'm not a very good actor, dude. [ laughter ] so, i don't really know what to do here other than just bail. so, i bailed. i took my dog and i went in and i got in my car. >> jimmy: what happened to your house? what were they doing? what was -- >> it was just like -- >> jimmy: rustling around? >> sounded like this kind of drunk, angry -- i don't know, man. but it was scary, bro. so, i took off in my car. i called the cops. they were like, "so where are you now?" i'm like, "i'm in my driveway."
they go, "get out of your driveway! what are you doing?" i'm like, "oh, i'm sorry. you're right. that doesn't make sense." so then i went around another street. so, all of a sudden, like, i'm sitting in my underwear and my dog is there. he's braver than i am. he's like, "you're a wimp, dude." and i see the helicopter with like the beam, you know, like the little thi -- >> jimmy: yeah, like today was a good day, ice cube? [ light laughter ] >> exactly. and i'm like -- and that's not the right thing to do because then they foc down on me. >> jimmy: wait. so, they sent a chopper to your house? >> they sena chopper, bro. they have like the heat, like, thing sensor where they can tell if people are moving, you know? they are circling around. there's like a thermal -- >> jimmy: like in "predator"? >> it was serious. >> jimmy: what is going on? >> yeah! >> jimmy: the predator was in your house. >> it was "predator," dude. >> jimmy: you thought predator was in your house? >> totally. so i'm sitting there. i don't know who is in my house. i'm in my underwear in my car. like, they haven't called me back. >> jimmy: are you drunk? >> well, i mean -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is insane.
>> we just go back through it. i had a beer bottle in my hand before i bailed. and i thought -- i've seen movies. they go -- and they are like -- that was my weapon. but i had beer in it, so i was like -- and chugged it. >> jimmy: you are hammered, in your underwear, in your car, in your driveway. >> right. >> jimmy: and this chopper -- >> well, i actually took off just a block, so i wasn't drinking and driving. i pulled over. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you had the car in neutral the whole time. [ laughter ] the dog was driving. >> the cop comes up behind me, finally. and he's like -- he comes around and he sees me. "oh, man, it's you." and i'm like, "yeah, okay." he goes, "is that your house?" i go, "yeah." he goes, "come out here, man." i'm like, "dude, no. i'm in my underwear." [ laughter ] he goes, "oh, crazy, get out here." i'm like, "all right." i walk out in my underwear. he goes, "oh, no." [ laughter ] oh, no." >> jimmy: you live "american pie." you are stifler. >> he asked me to go back in the car, dude. he goes, "you can go back in the r if you want." so, i was like, "okay." i go, "well, can you just tell me what was going on?" he goes, "there was nobody in your house. it was a tv. the tv was on."
i go, "oh, thank god." he goes, "but you won't believe this -- this is the truth, dude. 'mr. woodcock' was playing." it was a movie that i was in. >> jimmy: your movie! >> it was -- my dog went into the upstairs. must have jumped on the remote and i probably heard my own voice and i freaked out. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're scared of yourself. "i'm afraid of that movie!" >> that movie is haunting me. >> jimmy: that's hilarious. >> it's crazy. the cop did try to make me feel a little bit better. he goes, "don't worry, man. i went in the house and it looked like -- it sound like a woman was getting attacked." >> jimmy: it was just you acting. [ laughter ] >> no, it was billy bob thornton. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sounds like a woman getting attacked. "it was me and billy bob thornton wrestling." >> and he goes, no, the truth is, he's like, "i would have been scared of that movie, too. it kind of sucked." [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: oh, rude! >> i'm like, "dude, you are a policeman." not only is he telling me i'm embarrassing in my underwear, but now you tell me my movie sucks. and there's the thing. he's like, "i kind of smell some beer in your breath.
you might want to just keep your car parked." i'm like, "you want me to take the walk of shame home in underwear after this whole thing?" he's like, "that's probably the best thing to do." and i was, literally, waiting for ashton kutcher to, like, pop out. it was scary, though. >> jimmy: pretty honorable, though. more with seann william scott when we come back. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ , it started bubbling. scientific explorations in the kitchen? bring it. then you know whatdaddy? it exploded!
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so good. yeah. we're back here with seann william scott, everybody. dude, "ice age 3: dawn of the dinosaurs." you have a new character. >> yeah, i was just saying to my friends -- actually, they told me that my best performance is animated. that's ridiculous, dudes. what have you been doing lately? >> jimmy: they're just so funny. you were great in "role models." i'm a big fan. "dukes of hazzard." >> the best movie ever. >> jimmy: yeah!
it's was, like, up there with "the godfather." >> you know what? the truth -- that's true, man. because i really feel we got screwed over. we should have been nominated. >> jimmy: tnk you. >> right. "dukes of hazzard." >> jimmy: yeah. >> for sure. [ laughter ] i don't know where that came from. for sure. >> jimmy: for sure. >> for sure. >> jimmy: it was almost like a robot abe lincoln. it goes like, "four score and seven years ago." so "ice age," we want to show a clip. your character's name is crash. >> yeah. >> jimmy: let's just take a look at a clip from "ice age: dawn of the dinosaurs." ♪ >> dude, you're awesome. you're like the brother i never had. >> me, too. >> no. >> can we keep him? >> aah! >> buck. >> what? >> the name's buck. short for buckminster. long for -- >> buck! >> jimmy: that was great. [ cheers and applause ]
that's fun to do a cartoon. >> it is, man. i did it for nephew at first. then when i watched it, i'm like, "i'm doing this for me." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's good. 'cause you don't have to dress up. you can do whatever. >> if you are a bad actor, nobody sees. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: you just go -- trust me. i've done a couple cartoons. but that's super fun. now you are doing another movie that i actually want to hear about. 'cause tracy morgan and bruce wlis. >> it's called "a couple of dicks." [ laughter ] seriously. >> jimmy: "a couple of dicks." >> yeah, it's about two new york detectives. >> jimmy: i get it now. >> and i play a guy that's a turd burglar, he breaks into homes and, you know, he leaves souvenirs. but it's hilarious when i tell my mom. and i'm like -- she's like, "how are you doing?" i go, "i'm so excited about 'a couple of dicks' right now. you can't even -- you don't even know." and she's like, "what i go, "mom, the movie. what is up with you?" [ laughter ] and she's like, "what character are you playing?" i'm like, "turd burglar." she's like, "i'm so proud of you." >> jimmy: that's awesome. [ laughter ] how is bruce willis? >> man, it's amazing.
'cause, like, working with bruce willis, for whatever reason, i always call him bruce willis. i never call him bruce or mr. willis. i'm always like, when i show up, i'm like, "hey, bruce willis." [ laughter ] he's like, "hey, seann." i go, "did you have a good weekend, bruce willis?" he's like, "yeah." i go, "what do you do to work out, bruce willis?" [ laughter ] and i just can't help it. >> jimmy: you can't help it, yeah. >> it's so weird. i don't get it. >> jimmy: it is bruce willis. yeah. >> bruce willis. >> jimmy: you can't just call him bruce. >> what's his last name? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he has one name. it's like cher. >> yeah, it's like madonna. bruce willis. bruce willis. >> jimmy: it's like madonna, yeah. so anyways, "ice age: dawn of the dinosaurs" in theaters now. seann william scott, everybody. come back! star and now interior designer keyshawn johnson joins us next. please come back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ oh, yeah, time for a little "me time perfect paws. a little rub. bit of a trim.
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♪ >> jimmy: hey, everybody. welcome back. our next guest is a former all-pro nfl wide receiver and current espn analyst who has added interior designer to his resume. can't wait to talk to him. his new show, "keyshawn johnson tackling design" airs saturdays at noon on a&e. here he is, keyshawn johnson, everybody!
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, it's funny hearing you say interior designer there. gets real quiet for a moment. >> jimmy: "is he serious?" >> "is serious? does he really know what he's doing?" >> jimmy: i love it, though -- you don't live in new york, though, right? >> no, i don't. i live in l.a. >> jimmy: but you used to be on the jets. >> yeah, your team. >> jimmy: first pick. first draft pick. >> many moons ago. >> jimmy: many moons ago. still you were a badass. >> i was decent. >> jimmy: you were awesome and every team you were on. >> i think i held my own. >> jimmy: you got a ring, right? >> yeah, tampa bay. not new york. they pushed me aside before i could help. >> jimmy: how rude. unbelievable. >> well, you know us greedy athletes. we run for the money. so -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> i had to go take the money in tampa bay, new york. they didn't pay me. >> jimmy: a big difference? >> a huge difference. see, i think that year --
the year i got traded my salary was like $2.5 million. i know, everybody saying, "oh, yeah, right, whatever." but then tampa bay, the next jump was $13.5 million. so -- >> jimmy: "argh! i'll be a buccaneer." >> i'm like -- doesn't make much sense to me. >> jimmy: yeah. smart man. i love -- i love tampa bay. my favorite. >> it's great. the weather's warm. >> jimmy: the weather is warm. whatever you need. yes, absolutely. gosh. that's a lot of money. you deserve it. >> i retired, go to espn. >> jimmy: what do you think of the jets this year? >> i think they'll do good -- >> jimmy: that's my team -- i root for the jets. >> one thing i'm looking for, jimmy, in them -- [ scattered cheers and applause ] -- you know, rex ryan is turning out, i think will be a fine head coach. he was a great defensive coordinator. they got a young quarterback from my alma mater, mark sanchez -- >> jimmy: mark sanchez. >> i think he'll take new york by storm as long as he just stays, you know, stays pretty solid and sound. they can run the football. they can play defense. they can take the same model that the baltimore ravens have had for years. and last year, baltimore went to the playoffs with a young quarterback. and so did the atlanta falcons. so i think the jets are looking
promising. and i kn in jet fans are probably excited to have rex. >> jimmy: yes! good, all right, like this. that was great. >> that's good, huh? >> jimmy: you should be a football announcer. [ light laughter ] but, now i want to talk about your show because this is awesome. i love that you -- tell me how this happened? >> well, first of all, it's on a&e -- >> jimmy: yep -- >> -- it's new on saturdays. you know, and i hired an interior designer here in new york when i was drafted by the jets in '96, and it didn't work out. so, i had to get rid of them. >> jimmy: you hated what they did -- >> yeah -- it wasn't cool at all. so, i started doing everything -- >> jimmy: i want to see what the old one was. did they bring in like an old lady's apartment? >> it was like -- it's not what i asked for. you know, "what were you doing?" but i didn't say those words. i said different words. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so, you know, i just decid, you know, "i can do it. don't worry about it." and so i started doing everything on my own and from there, i started doing spec houses and doing different things. and they start selling. and the next thing you know, an article in the "l.a. times" talked about my condominium in l.a. and showed all the great stuff i did.
a production company called us and said, "hey, would he be interested in these things?" in the article, we talked about a product line of furniture and paint and carpet and, you know, all the accessories and stuff that i wanted to launch on my own. and so the production company said, "hey, here's an idea. let's think about this." so we shot this promo -- i mean, this demo. and then we shopped it. a&e, they bid and then the next thing you know, here i am now. i guess you can call me an interior designer if you want to. >> jimmy: i love it. i think it's great. that's great. [ applause ] a line of paints and all that? >> well, i'm work on all that. i working on all -- >> jimmy: like the next martha stewart? >> -- that product. yeah, i guess. [ laughter ] yeah, that's cool. you would trade martha stewart -- >> jimmy: go for the money. yeah, i love tampa bay. >> let's not fool each other. >> jimmy: so you get in there get a team of people and -- >> i've got sabina, baiyina, edward and chelsea.
my four assistants. and work pretty hard and they're pretty good and so i kind of tell them, delegate things to them and then they kind of bring the idea full circle and i approve everything and then i show the homeowners. i talk to the homeowners and say no, yes, give them my opinion. they argue with me a little bit sometimes. and then, at the end of the show it's like everybody is happy. >> jimmy: what do other nfl players think of this? >> depends on who you ask. [ laughter ] if you ask my good friend warren sapp, you know, he has some pretty harsh words, but -- [ light laughter ] for a guy who was on "dancing with the stars" that had tights on and eye liner and -- but you know, for the most part, everyone knows that iike interior design and what my homes look like and, you know, my clothes and just different things that go with that. >> jimmy: yeah, that's awesome. i can't wait to watch keyshawn johnson "tackling design" airs saturdays not noon on a&e. daniel merriweather featuring wale will perform next. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. hey, we're having fun tonight. great show tomorrow, too. from "entourage," kevin connolly will be here. new host of mtv's, "it's on," alexa chung will be joining us, and music from aimee mann. so i hope to see you tomorrow. and then on thursday, the jonas brothers will be here. ooh! [ cheers ] but our next guest, this song is awesome. you'll love it. you can dance if you want. dance at home. i don't know. it's really late, but you can dance at home. [ laughter ] it's fantastic. he recently debuted at number two in the uk album chart with his latest project "love & war." here tonight, he's going to perform his single "change," featuring wale and our own roots. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my good friend, daniel merriweather! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la ♪ ♪ i saw a dried up withered old rich man turning on a garden hose ♪ ♪ i see a young man picking up a gun i guess that's where the money goes ♪ ♪ am i just as good as a bad man sleeping when the rest are dying ♪ ♪ or am i just as bad as a good man saying there's no use in trying ♪ ♪ oooh tell me do you still believe ♪ ♪ oooh everything that you read ♪ ♪ will we learn to get together and see who we really are ♪ ♪ ain't nothing gonna change ain't nothing gonna change if nobody's gonna wake up ♪ ♪ and start asking
who's in charge ain't nothing gonna change ♪ ♪ ain't nothi gonna change ain't nothing gonna change nah nah nah nah nah nah ♪ ♪ ain't nothing changing but diapers on babies we hide in the background singers singing ♪ ♪ la la la la la la la la la okay singing ♪ ♪ some people do it all for money and some do it all for the love ♪ ♪ some do it all for the glory 'cause nothing else they're thinking of ♪ ♪ i saw a man in a four door truck complaining that the price was high ♪ ♪ like a well fed man with a spoon in his hand saying who ate all the apple pie ♪ ♪ oooh tell me do you still believe oooh everything that you read ♪ ♪ will we learn to get together and see who we really are ♪ ♪ ain't nothing gonna change ain't nothing gonna change
if nobody's gonna wake up ♪ ♪ and start asking who's in charge ain't nothing gonna change ain't nothing gonna change ♪ ♪ ain't nothing gonna change no no ♪ ♪ if i ain't ready to listen i'm never gonna listen most follow intuition ♪ ♪ while they wishing it would work my vision isn't perfect ♪ ♪ so i will never learn for it don't wish for some change like a church worker ♪ ♪ hallelujah preacher i am not influenced if i don't donate to your movement ♪ ♪ am i not improving and while a poor kill a poor for a portion ♪ ♪ a piece of american society pie i be high ♪ ♪ the munchies i got so bear with me i got this girl looking at you ♪ ♪ 'cause my reps kissing mwah i ain't ready to wait ♪ ♪ when there's dollars on the brain why would you expect change ♪ ♪ will we learn to get together and see who we really are ain't nothing gonna change ♪ ♪ ain't nothing gonna change nothing gonna change if nobody's gonna wake up ♪ ♪ and start asking who's in charge
ain't nothing gonna change ♪ ♪ ain't nothing gonna change ain't nothing gonna change ain't nothing gonna change ♪ ♪ ain't nothing changing but diapers on babies we hide in the background singers singing ♪ ♪ la la la la la la la la la okay singing ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. thanks, buddy. thank you, buddy. thanks, pal. daniel, i thought you were from the uk. >> i know. >> jimmy: i'm sorry about that. you're from australia. >> i'm from australia, yeah. >> jimmy: sorry about that. >> it's okay. >> jimmy: but this record, everybody, you got to check it out. "love & war" comes out in the u.s. this fall. daniel merriweather and wale, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] my thanks to seann william scott, keyshawn johnson, daniel merriweather, and the greatest band in late night, the roots. stay tuned for "carson daly." thanks for watching. have a good night. hope to see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪