tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC July 29, 2009 12:35am-1:35am EDT
-- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, wow! welcome, welcome, welcome. thank you. welcome, everybody. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." happy tuesday. is it tuesday already? yikes. interesting, tueay. the week's not going by fast at all. [ laughter ] thought it was thursday. anyway, let's talk about the news. president obama invited harvard professor, henry lewis gates and sergeant james crowley to the white house for a beer this thursday. it's all part of obama's new approach to diplomacy. "how would they handle this on 'cheers'." that's what he's calling it -- [ laughter ] [ impersonating cliff clavin ] "hey there, president obama, there." [ laughter ] i'm not going to do any more cliff clavin. that's it. mtv is showing a new documentary, it's called "paris, not france." it's an in-depth look at paris hilton's life. it's the -- [ laughter ] it's true. that's not the joke.
[ laughter ] it's the first documentary to be shot entirely in night vision. it's going to be fantastic. [ laughter and applause ] trying new things. hey, did you hear about this? dallas cowboys quarterback tony romo has instructed security to keep his ex- girlfriend, jessica simpson, from coming on his property. it wasn't that hard. they just put a push sign on the door that you have to pull. [ laughter and applause ] doesn't seem right. that what reports are saying. "american idol" auditions are just two weeks away, and paula abdul has not signed a contract yet. [ audience oohs ] the show's producers say that they don't understand what paula wants. no, literally. they can't understand her. [ laughter ] [ slurring ] "i want on the money." i want on the money." "you want on --" "yeah, i want on the money." [ laughter ] they can't understand what she wants. she wants on the money. michael vick was reinstated by the nfl yesterday. [ cheers ] [ boos ] yeah.
you guys are an audience full of sybils out there. [ light laughter ] no, seriously, he's back in the nfl. no team has offered him a contract yet. but he's hoping somebody throws him a bone. [ laughter ] he deserves a new leash on life. [ audience ohs ] he's had it kind of rough. "ruff." [ laughter and applause ] just that last joke -- this is insane. thanks, buddy. sorry about that. here. anyone want these jokes at all? [ cheers and applause ] i apologize. you can take that home and burn it. i don't know what you're going to do with it. [ laughter ] and/or frame it. either one of the two. had it "ruff." [ laughter ] you know, some fifth grader would do it if i didn't do it. so -- >> steve: r-u-f-f, right? >> jimmy: yeah. real proud of it. there's a new iphone app. did you hear about this iphone app?
it's called passion. it's an iphone app that rates users on how good they are at sex. this is how it works. if you're holding your iphone during sex, you're not good at it. [ laughter ] penn state university was rated the best party school of 2009 by "the princeton review." and, once again, the award for worst party school went to north korea tech. [ laughter ] coming in second once again, the amish school of plow repair. that was -- "jebediah, would you care to join me in a game of buttermilk pong? [ laughter ] and finally, president obama's domestic agenda has been hammered by everything from blue dog democrats to birthers. and now some polls suggest the public is losing faith in him. you know, i was going to make a joke about these poll numbers, but this story doesn't neea joke. it needs something else. >> black thought: jimmy, are you suggesting that we slow jam this news? >> jimmy: yeah, that's exactly
what i'm suggesting. let us slow jam the news. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ah, yeah >> jimmy: you know, they say a picture is worth a thousand words, but my mama always told me a statistical picture is worth at least a thousand analytical interpretations ♪ analytical interpretations oh, yeah oh, yeah oh, yeah ♪ >> jimmy: one poll is whispering that america has fallen out of love. ♪ using a tool called the approval index ♪ [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: but other polls say that whispering is just fiscal noise. ♪ and rassmussen's polls are out of context ♪ >> jimmy: now, with all these different polls, the press is going crazy. ♪ applied math is just so complex ♪ ♪ but please don't be vexed the lls all suggest you're numbers are still
strong among hispanics ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: numbers in a single poll, they don't mean a thing. ♪ 'cause rassmussen tends to be an outlier ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your numbers in the gallops, ap and abc polls are much -- ♪ and your approval ratings trend much higher ♪ >> jimmy: and even if this marks the end they honeymoon, we still got to make this marriage work. ♪ statistics is my desire rassmussen has clout but i have my doubts ♪ ♪ one sampling error and then they are out ♪ >> jimmy: ma'am, i don't know if that was clear enough. could somebody help me finish his slow jam? ♪ >> ladies and gentlemen, give it up for p. give it up for p.
this is the remix. put your hands in the air as we slow jam the news. as we slow jam the news. >> jimmy: take it, diddy. >> all right. yo, roots, let's go baby. ♪ >> yeah, jimmy, come on, jimmy. take your time with it. rock with me, jim. rock with me. here we go, jim. do your thing obama. most presidents never polled this well in the first six months of their term. ♪ uh, yeah diddy is the wiz at stats ♪ >> jimmy: my advice? just brush those haters off your shoulders like you did in the campaign. ♪ uh, uh-huh like diddy said it's time to get your swagger back ♪ >> jimmy: rassmussen's results are spastic. one poll shouldn't make you do nothing drastic. ♪ ♪ jimmy fallon and diddy the roots got out back and all we do is get back ♪ ♪ presidential, analytical political fact the remix ♪ >> jimmy: now that is how we slow jam the news. [ cheers and applause ]
we'll be right back, got a great show. diddy, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ announcer: welcome to the now network. currently, thousands of people are enjoying the new palm pre from sprint. its revolutionary web os allows multiple applications to run at the same time. - ( thunder and rain ) - millions are using the simply everything plan. - each is saving $1200 over an at&t iphone plan. - ( cash register dings ) together that's billions of dollars. enough to open a dunkin' donuts in space. from america's most dependable 3g network. bringing you the first and only wireless 4g network. get the palm pre. only from sprint. only on the now network. deaf, hard of hearing and people with speech disabilities access www.sprintrelay.com.
welcome back. great crowd. that was fun. i love diddy. i am the worst dancer ever. [ laughter ] so hard to dance in a suit. it just feels like i'm at a wedding or something. just like -- it must be just me -- there's no rhythm. you know, it reminds me of when we're at comic con this past weekend. we got -- i had the best time. we went to this restaurant in la jolla called jack's la jolla. [ scattered applause ] you know that place? really? it's like -- i'm not kidding. it's three floors. right, it's a restaurant. really good restaurant. then, all of a sudden, it turns into a nightclub. they started moving tables and the lights turned into disco lights. and there's, just, like, a dude dancing right next to your table. [ laughter ] it's like, "what's up, man?" hey, what's going on? where you from?" [ laughter ] and you're like -- you're sitting sipping coffee and stuff. it was pretty fun. quest, i saw something in "the wall street journal." you're doing, like, a hip-hop -- what is it, planet hip-hop? >> questlove: the luxor, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, that's august 4th. what, are you just going to talk about the future of hip-hop or what its impact --
what is it? >> questlove: yeah, pretty much. the future, the past. i don't know, it's a discussion on 30 years of hip-hop. >> jimmy: oh, that's cool. i just thought it was pretty cool. because look at the picture of you here. i think we might even have a full screen. look at that. [ laughter and applause ] >> questlove: yeah, it looks like they drew that on top of me. >> jimmy: like one of those dot drawings -- >> questlove: yeah, you caught me. my part-time job. that's my part-time job. >> jimmy: yeah, well, it should be good. yeah, exactly. well, today's show is jam packed. the iconic shawn "diddy" combs will be out in a bit. [ cheers and applause ] what a great dude. i love him. from broadway's "hairspray" and the host of "dance your ass off" on oxygen, the lovely marissa jaret winokur is here. [ cheers and applause ] she's awesome. later on, you got to watch me beat top chef tom colicchio in a quickfire panini challenge. [ cheers and applause ] bring it on, colicchio. bring it on. this is kind of interesting here. i was just looking. does anyone know what the top-selling genre of books are right now?
romance novels. that's what it is. you know what number two is? bromance novels. [ laughter ] close second, bromance, of course, is defined as the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males. you know, kind like me and questlove. right, quest? [ laughter ] where has all the bromance gone. well, anyway, we've got some advance copies of new bromance novels coming out. and we thought we'd show you a few, especially since they are totally real and not fake. [ laughter ] like this one, for instance. "a habit they could not break. a temptation they were too weak to resist as they succumb to their deepest desires. their bodily fluids soon mixed into one." [ laughter ] this is "spitting in the dip cup." [ laughter ] yeah. by -- templeton mason did that one, yeah. it was originally called "two bros, one cup." [ laughter and ohs ] this one here is -- these are
bromance novels. all right? let's take another look here. "they pawed each other with wild, sweaty abandon. glistening limbs flailing about. legs entwined, switching positions, taking turns on the bottom but aching to finish on top." "grappling with destiny" by stephen mclane. [ laughter ] i like his stuff. all right. i have all of his books. i have all of his books. he's great. [ laughter ] let's see this one here. this one sounds good. "their two bodies pressed against each other hard, nose to nose, mouth to mouth, almost tasting each other's breath. then another slid between, a chance encounter ending in a three-dude manwich." it's called "dude, he ain't with it, bro." [ laughter ] by myron thronflower. he's being a good bro by looking out for his other bro like any good bro would do for his bro. pretty good. try this one here. this one looks like a good beach read. "it was a night filled with tender experimentation. what mason and chaz shared
together was natural. they got on their knees, searched out a dark, moist place and discovered what they were looking for all along. a mouthful of magic." what is this one? it's called "we got 'shrooms." [ laughter ] by harlan babcock. probably part of the babcock series. i love harlan babcock. here's another one by harlan babcock. this is a great one. wow. listen to this one here. "their moans of 'oh, my god' echoed throughout the men's locker room. brauer and jaqx --" that's j-a-q-x -- is there. [ laughter ] "were now alone and soon found themselves unable to control their feelings growing inside their shorts." this one's called "we got crabs." [ laughter ] another one by harlan babcock. i'm already freeing space on my kindle for that one. what is this one here? this one's different.
what do we got here? it's a bigger one here. "matty was hungry for it, and bryce knew it." [ laughter ] "so, he gave it to him. but the bone was way too big for his mouth." this one is called "yo, matty's choking." [ laughter ] it's by dennis blakely. he's choking on some wings there. he's trying to save his life. now, this book, it's a pop-up book. [ laughter ] i'm not even sure -- you don't want to see this, right? probably not. [ cheers and applause ] okay. here it is there. [ laughter ] here it is there. and i guess you -- [ laughter ] he's giving the heimlich. he's giving the heimlich. he's giving the heimlich. and there, the wing comes out right there.
[ laughter ] there you go. saves his life. [ cheers and applause ] pop-up book. we have one more. we only have time for one more here. you know, this one looks -- i'm just going to read something out of the middle of this one, if you don't mind. roots, can i get some smooth, sweet sound. ♪ "it was now the moment he'd be waiting for. jay-bomb grabbed the shaft with his hand, holding it gently betwixt his thumb and forefinger, nervously stroking it with his fingertips over and over. as scrubber looked down from behind with eager eyes. an almost unbearable tension building to a sudden release. aurst of screaming and deep repeated penetration of the shaft into the soft, dark reddish circle." okay, i can't read this anymor this is ridiculous. i think you might be getting the wrong message, here. oh, no, never mind. here's the book. "triple bull's-eye." it's by lauftin bordeaux. it's a fascinating story of the classic bro sport of darts. okay, well, that's all the bromance novels that we have here. be sure to pick one up wherever fake books are sold. go to
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tryg dancing sitting down. tonight's first guest is a music industry legend, a hit maker and a star maker. he does movies and television. he's a producer and an entrepreneur. put it together for sean "diddy" combs, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, roots, hold oa second. hold on for a second. hold on. ♪ you hear that? i know where he is. he's in the club. [ laughter ] he's clubbing. i got to get him out of the club. this is ridiculous. he opened a club underneath our
studio audience. [ cheers and applause ] put me in a real good mood. makes me want to go to a club. i don't have anything. i'm good? >> yo, back up. back up. >> jimmy: all right, thank you. sorry, this is ridiculous. the club is jammin'. gosh. all right. got to see if i can find him. ♪ hey, how are you? how are you doing? thank you so much. this is great. you see diddy around? is he here? diddy is back there? hey, how are you guys doing? how are you? great. hey, how are you? good to see you. how are you? good to see you. hey. hey, excuse me. diddy. >> yeah? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you doing? the segment started. do you mind? can we go back up, start and do it? is that cool? take your time. thanks, man. i apeciate it.
>> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. that's an entrance right there. [ cheers and applause ] >> it feels good to be black. >> jimmy: yeah! [ cheers ] >> feels so good to be -- oh, this is the wrong crowd. [ laughter ] what up? what up, my man. what's up? >> it's good man. >> all right, slow jam the news, baby. you was slow jamming the news. >> jimmy: it was awesome you did that. it so cool. i forgot you had a club underneath our studio. [ laughter ] i keep forgetting that. it's pretty hopping. >> i mean, you're in there all the time. >> jimmy: i know, but, you know, not during the show. [ laughter ] that's what was weird. it's the hottest club in midtown. i've got to tell you, "making
his band" is awesome. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: i saw it last night. it premiered last night on mtv at 10:00. it's coming off of "making the band." >> yes. >> jimmy: and what's the difference this time? >> i mean, first of all, you've got the roots. you've got the roots. give them a round of applause. you got them playing -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welme to our show. thanks for coming on. i appreciate that. we've got thereatest band ever. >> it's like that. when you came to do "the tonight show -- >> jimmy: yeah, you can call it "tonight." it's on tonight. [ laughter ] i mean, technically, it's on tonight. >> when you came to do "late night with jimmy fallon." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you thought i was "jimmy kimmel," didn't you? no, you know who i am. >> no, i know who you are. yeah, we go way back. you're in the club all the time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's right. i'm always in the club dancing. my dancing is so lame. i apologize. >> we'll work it out, brother. we'll work it out. yeah, but you wanted to make sure that you had one of the dopest of the baddest bands in the land. that's the baddest band in the land. and so, you know, i wanted to give an opportunity for the next roots. the next generation of roots to come in and play with me all
over the world. so, it's just really giving like some of the young musicians, young cats that don't really get a chance at the auditions, giving them a chance to come and audition for me. and then, you know, we're going to rehearse day and night and just aspire to be the roots one day. >> jimmy: that's a goal right there. >> that's the goal. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's a cool show. are they going to record on your album? >> they are -- i'm finishing an album now. they are going to help me with maybe two songs. that's one of the things that they'll be doing. i've already recorded most of the album. they're going to help me to present the album live. >> jimmy: do they have a name? >> no, no. they'll be part of the crew. like the crew i put together is called dirty money. it's myself and two other young ladies. i wanted to do something different for this album. it's a concept album. it's called "last train to paris." and it's about -- >> jimmy: chunnel system? the chunnel system? [ laughter ] england to france? no. no, not at all. >> no, no.
no, this is serious for me, man. >> jimmy: i'm sorry. [ laughter ] no, i'm thinking about slow jam. >> this is my album right here. this is the story about love, man. love, finding love, losing love and then getting it back again. "last train to paris." >> jimmy: this is it. >> you've never been in love? >> jimmy: yeah, i am. i'm in love. >> you've never lost love? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> you never wanted to find love again? [ laughter ] you've never wanted to find love again? talk to me, man. >> jimmy: i'm sorry. >> tell the truth. >> jimmy: i love you. i'm sorry. no, not you. you're getting it out of me like dr. phil. this is awesome. >> we'll have time for that. you know, we have time in the next couple of months to get in the "last train to paris." but it's coming. it's a new sound. it's a new vibe for me. >> jimmy: yeah, you said it was something like -- >> watch out for it. >> jimmy: electric? >> electro, hip-hop, soul, funk. it's like really all the different sounds that i've been hearing throughout the world in my travels. and, you know, my strength is as a producer. and, you know, and i really took a lot of time producing this album.
and i'm in the studio every day. >> jimmy: i mean, you are one of the most legendary producers of all time. biggie, mary j., right? >> yeah. biggie, mary j. the loc, jay-z. >> jimmy: you branch out. you're doing everything now. you have -- >> mariah carey. aretha franklin. sting. >> jimmy: sting? you did something with sting? oh, yeah, sorry. "every breath you take." >> no, no, no. [ laughter ] no, i also did something for sting. >> jimmy: you did? >> yes, i did. >> jimmy: which one? >> david bowie? >> jimmy: bowie? >> yes. david bowie. ♪ [ laughter ] smashing pumpkins. >> jimmy: smashing pumps. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i like those guys. i like those guys, too. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and now you've got this one. now you got dirty money. >> dirty money. >> jimmy: "last train to paris." this is it. lost love, found love. >> we'll see you at the top, jimmy. see you at the top, baby. we're going straight to the top. make sure you all look out for the album.
it's going to make you dance. it's going to make you move. it's going to make you groove. >> jimmy: look, you know the way i dance. >> it's going to make you love your woman better. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it will? all right. >> are you loving your woman good, jimmy? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. >> are you loving her od? >> jimmy: you're making me uncomfortable. [ laughter ] >> don't get uncomfortable. don't get uncomfortable. just tell the truth, jiy. >> jimmy: i think so. [ laughter ] i don't ask her -- i don't give her polls. i don't poll her every week. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] >> you should be. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: p-o-l-l is what i meant. this is ridiculous. this is absolutely ridiculous. i want to talk about -- >> let's talk, jimmy. let's talk. let's keep it moving, baby. come on. >> jimmy: let me do the talking now. i want to talk about your vodka. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you have a vodka. >> yes, i do. >> jimmy: you are everywhere.
>> it's the smoothest vodka in the world. >> jimmy: it is. >> it's the smoothest vodka in the world. >> jimmy: yeah, it's smooth. you don't even mix it with anything. just have it naked. >> naked. >> jimmy: naked. >> you can put some lemonade in there though or some welch's grape juice. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: have you ever -- have you ever had vodka and welch's grape juice. >> no, no. this is serious, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't mean to laugh at you. i'm sorry. >> no, i want to you all something seriously. this is one of the best drinks. it's called an o.g. diddy. i make these concoctions at my house. it's simply lemonade and welch's grape juice and ciroc vodka. that's an o.g. diddy. i promise you all. you try that tonight, america, and you will be ripe. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you will be ripe. >> you will be ripe. >> jimmy: it's grape juice -- >> you will be polling your woman. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: that's not what i meant at all. it's not called polling. that is ridiculous. >> i'm here to have fun, jimmy. i'm not a regular guest. >> jimmy: i know. >> you won't want to have me back. >> jimmy: come on. you are the greatest. >> yes, i am. >> jimmy: i love you that you're coming on. [ cheers and applause ] >> put a king in all of us. >> jim: i am kin i am king. that's your cologne. >> my fragrance. men got to smell good, too. yeah. >> ain't that right, ladies? ladies, ain't that right? men got to smell good, too? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what does it smell like, i am king? >> it smells good, jimmy. >> jimmy: i was trying to smell it through the box. >> it smells good. >> jimmy: this is expensive stuff, right? >> no, it's reasonable. we're in a recession. we don't want to break no back. [ laughter ] it's affordable. >> jimmy: it's affordable. i am king. >> it's affordable. yes, sir. >> jimmy: it smells good. >> it smells great, jimmy. >> jimmy: it smells great. [ laughter ] >> yes, it does. >> jimmy: it smells great. i got to have you on every night.
>> i love you, man. congratulations. i love the roots. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you were awesome. sean "diddy" combs, everybody. and, of course, @iamdiddy on twitter, by the way. >> yeah, follow me on twitter, everyone. @iamdiddy. and also watch my show monday nights on mtv, 10:00. >> jimmy: sean "diddy" combs, everybody! up next -- and the bud light lime green room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so, you're planning a trip. first stop bing. cause any search engine can help you find a plane ticket. but bing, with price predictor, can help make sure you don't pay too much for it. (sfx: "bing") it's not just a search engine it's the first ever decision engine from microsoft.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. my wife is going to kill me. [ laughter ] tunen for a fantastic show tomorrow. from the new movie, "funny people," a very funny woman herself, leslie mann will be here. she's awesome. [ cheers and applause ] michael lange joins us to talk about woodstock's 40th anniversary, and music from passion pit. be sure to check that out. it's going to be good. [ cheers and applause ] first, our next guest won a tony award for her work in the broadway hit, "hairspray." now she's hosting the new oxygen competition series "dance your ass off." ladies and gentlemen, please welcome marissa jaret winokur. ♪ [ "dancing queen' by abba plays ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome to the show. >> oh, wow. i'm going to join in your love for the band tonight.
>> jimmy: yeah, the roots are fantastic. >> yeah, we actually -- i was watching your premiere episode and my husband -- it was the moment i think my husband realized i was a total loser. and the band started playing. and i'm like, "oh, my god! it's the 'yo gabba gabba!' band!" and i got really excited. >> jimmy: for "yo gabba gabba!"? >> yeah. sorry, i was really excited about that. [ laughter ] i was. and he just put his head down and was highly embarrased. but for every parent o there, they know what the "yo gabba gabba!" band is. >> jimmy: you have a baby? >> i have a baby, a 1-year-old, yeah. >> jimmy: amazing. does a baby 1ear-old watch tv? >> oh, of course, oh, my god. are you kidding? >> jimmy: oh, i don't know. >> how else can i get anything done if he's not watching tv? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know, yeah. i don't know. >> oh, he's really into them, yeah. >> jimmy: really? yeah. >> jimmy: oh, i like it. so, "yo gabba gabba!," yeah, i saw that, too. was that the family -- what was the name of your song? >> tiriq: "love my family." >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's been -- i know. i was really -- i was like, "go jimmy! you got the 'yo gabba gabba!" band! that's amazing!" yeah. >> jimmy: and your husband's like, "they're the roots." >> oh, my god. he's like, "oh, my god." and now he's going to kill me for telling that story. but in ten years, my son will be really psyched. yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, he'll love it, exactly. well, you're back in new york. welcome back to new york. you're from new york. >> i am. i'm born and raised here. >> jimmy: yeah.
that's awesome. it's good to be back here, right? >> i love it. i do. >> jimmy: is your family still here? >> well, my siblings are here but my parents have moved to new mexico. they lived here, literally, my parents are 75 years old, they were born and raised new yorkers. went to bronx high school of science, i mean, they are, like, new yorkers and at, like, 70 they were like, "we're going to new mexico. we're leaving everybody we know and love. and we're going to be the only jews that don't go to florida. we're going to new mexico." [ laughter ] really, they went to new mexico, which is -- i'm sorry, new mexico, but it's kind of boring and beige and -- yeah, it's kind of -- >> jimmy: beige? >> it's very beige. it's like, 64 colors of the crayon box of beige. it's, like, all different colors of beige. yeah. >> jimmy: really? >> except for, like, four minutes when the sun is setting. and then it's beautifully red and gorgeous. but four minutes. >> jimmy: yeah, i've heard to tell -- i read somewhere that you dad let you know-- because they film a lot of movies there. >> yes, it's a very hip place to film, you know. new mexico. >> jimmy: yeah, they're filming "macgruber" out there. >> yeah, i know, i don't know -- oh, are they really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> oh, see? it's very hip. >> jimmy: it's hip. >> i'm sure i'll have an e-mail or an article fedexed to me immediately. >> jimmy: they send you articles on anything that's happening in new mexico? >> i got a -- i literally got a fedex box of, like, a "hollywood
reporter" from new mexico, saying everything that's filming in new mexico. my he dad, he doesn't spend 50 cents on a cup of coffee, fedexed the article. like, "look, what's happening in new mexico!" yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, that's awesome. >> yeah, he's really cool. i love you, daddy! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's cool, you're like, "i love you!" >> and i love new mexico! i'm sorry. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you'll just have a meltdown here. "and i love 'yo gabba gabba!," too!" >> and i love "yo gabba gabba!." and i love you! >> jimmy: congratulations again for -- i mean, i saw you in "fever pitch." we were in that movie together. >> you saw me in that? >> jimmy: i saw you. >> did you witness me while you were looking at yourself? you saw me, as well? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, yeah, because i was in the movie. no, i mean -- that wasn't the last time i saw you. no, we saw each other since then. >> yes, we have. >> jimmy: but you were in "hairspray," that's how i knew you before then. >> yeah. >> jimmy: now, you just went and finished -- because they're done now, right? >> yes, we -- they closed the show in january. >> jimmy: but you went back. was that fun to go back? >> it was crazy. i went back for four weeks with harvey fierstein to close down the show. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> and it was -- i mean, when i did it, i was single. you know, no husband, no child. and i went back for the last, you know, four weeks, with a baby and a nanny and an
assistant and my husband. it was like -- it was such a lot of lot. >> jimmy: was it easy to get right back in the swing of things? like, do you get right -- do you know the numbers and singing? >> well, it's, like, i literally have, like, my tracy turnblad voice. which is, like, literally, i can click right back into it. but it drives every, single person around me, like -- hates it. like, they're totally insane. i'm like, i would wake up in the middle of the night and literally be, like -- "yeah, yeah, i can't even hear the vowels. okay, i'm ready." [ laughter ] and i would go back to sleep, and my husband -- my husband's a really cool, mellow guy, believe it or not. and he just is, like, "oh, here e go again." you know? it's like, it's not the sexiest thing. i'm sure he didn't really want to make out with me every night when i doing the show. but i would literally just wake up in a cold sweat and be like, "can i sing? can i sing? is it still there?" >> jimmy: and you'd just wake up and go -- >> "yeah, yeah," just as annoying as possible. i mean, it's like -- [ laughter ] it truly, like, i just do voice. it's like, "this is my voice, or i can do this really annoying voice that all adults, all your fans right now are going, 'oh, my god. why is she on the show? and why did i just hear that?'." and i know, "oh, he knows it." he's like, "why is she here? that voice!" but, yeah. it's right there -- >> jimmy: i was with you when
you did it, i mean, it was awesome. it was an amazing character, you did. >> it was the voice. it was a voice. and people were truly were like, "oh, that's her voice." >> jimmy: yeah, but it's so likeable, too. and then that's why you're on the show now, "dance your ass off." >> i love that we get to say ass. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we've been doing a lot of daytime stuff and they're like, "dance your -- off." and i'm like, "oh, my god, it's so lame. just say 'dance your ass off'." >> jimmy: we say it all the time. we're like, "late ass with jimmy fallon." >> yes! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what we originally thinking of calling it, but we changed it to "late night." >> "late ass." >> jimmy: yeah, "late ass." but "dance your ass off," it's a huge hit. >> it is. it's a smash hit. i know, i'm so excited. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's great. >> it's great. you know, it's really "the biggest loser" meets "dancing with the stars." it's like, people are losing weight through dance. i am not one of them. i don't get on the scale at the end of this show like everyone else. and they're losing weight, a i didn't. but it was a really good experience for all of them. >> jimmy: -- because i was just talking about how bad my dancing is. how would i dance my ass off? could you give me coaching? >> yeah, i can coach you. i mean, it's like, do you want to try? >> jimmy: yeah, let's go, i'll do it. i don't care.
[ cheers and applause ] how do i do it? >> it's not like you have a huge ass to lose. >> jimmy: i don't have any at all. >> i mean, really, i don't know. maybe we could learn how to dance your ass on, here, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's like, "oh, you've already played this game. you have no ass," yes. >> oh, my god! you won! you won. >> jimmy: oh, no, no, yeah. >> you absolutely already won. >> jimmy: what do i do? so, i -- >> well, yeah -- oh, that's how you dance? >> jimmy: roots, give me a beat. >> yeah, give us something. >> jimmy: all right. >> all right. ♪ you got to keep -- you got to go fast. >> jimmy: fast? >> faster. >> jimmy: fast, like -- >> faster. you got to kick it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ faster. >> jimmy: faster? >> faster. faster! now do it! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: marissa jeret winokur, "dance your ass off" airs mondays at 10:00 p.m., on oxygen. from "top chef," tom colicchio joins next. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ 7 out of 10 men prefer degree fragrances...
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, welcome back, everybody. our next guest has received his first emmy nomination for hosting the award- winning "top chef," which returns to bravo wednesday, august 19th. he's here tonight with his new book "witchcraft." say hello to chef, tom colicchio. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good to see you, buddy. good man. may i call you chef? >> you can call me tom. >> jimmy: i can call you tom? >> chef tom, whatever. >> jimmy: chef tom? >> i can call you jimmy, right? >> jimmy: yeah, you can call me jimmy. >> not mr. fallon, right? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah -- no, don't call me mr. fallon. >> he was your father, right? >> jimmy: dude, i love -- yeah, exactly. dude, "witchcraft," i'm a fan of cra and craft bar and witchcraft. i have a complaint. >> complaint?
>> jimmy: craft bar. >> oh, we have people to complain to. >> jimmy: no, no, i want to tell you. >> oh, okay. >> jimmy: you have this breakfast awesome thing with a pancetta and fried egg sandwich thing. it was the greatest thing i ever had in my life. and you took it off the menu. >> no, it's on. >> jimmy: what? >> yeah. >> jimmy: make a phone call. it's not on. i am so upset. is that on? >> the pancetta? >> jimmy: yeah. >> my favorite thing. >> jimmy: yeah. >> hard boiled eggs? >> jimmy: yes. >> it's on now. [ laughter ] i just called them. yeah, it's back on. >> jimmy: you did? [ laughter ] >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: it just happened. >> oh, it's back, yeah. >> jimmy: i'm so excited. >> oh, yeah, it's there. >> jimmy: congrats on the emmy -- >> i'm serious, too. >> jimmy: -- on the emmy nomination, by the way. >> thanks, thanks, yeah. >> jimmy: come on, that's got to feel good. [ cheers and applause ] it's the best show, i love "top chef." >> yeah, thanks. >> jimmy: it's so good. i mean, you must be psyched about that. what are we going to do now? today we're going to do a panini -- >> it's like, you know, it's a panini party. so, it's a panini party. you have your spreads and you have your garnishes. and we're going to, you know -- >> jimmy: well, what i was thinking we'd do is, like, a quickfire. because i never see you cook on these shows. you're always just yelling at people and judging them. [ laughter ] you're judging and i never see you cook. and you're a great cook. you're a great chef. >> you know, they won't let me cook on the show. >> jimmy: they won't? >> no. >> jimmy: legally? >> not legally, no.
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: but i want to -- let's do a quickfire. >> quickfire. >> jimmy: and here's what we'll do. we'll see who could make the perfect panini. it could be anything. what ingredients do we got here? we got maraschino cherries. how are we going to make that work. >> i don't know, you asked for them. i gave you cherries. >> jimmy: i didn't ask for them. >> we have potato chips. you have gherkins. >> jimmy: potato chips. i hate gherkins. >> come on, what's wrong with gherkins? >> jimmy: i don't hate them. >> how could you hate mayonnaise? >> jimmy: i hate mayonnaise. >> you hate mayonnaise and gherkins? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i really hate mayonnaise. >> what do you hate more, mayonnaise or gherkins? >> jimmy: mayonnaise. >> mayonnaise. >> jimmy: i hate it. i really hate -- >> there's no mayonnaise here. >> jimmy: it grosses me out. >> no, this is a -- >> jimmy: it looks like mayonnaise. >> this is some kind of cheese. no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i don't even like it. >> it's not mayonnaise. >> jimmy: i don't even like the way it looks. >> you got some roasted peppers, there's some tomatoes over there, there's some chickpeas. there's -- >> jimmy: okay, so, we're going to have -- how much time should we put on the clock? 60 seconds? >> 60 seconds. >> jimmy: 60 seconds on the clock to make the perfect panini. but wait, i just want to look at the ingredients real quickly. [ laughter ] just before i do anything. >> you have mustard, you have anchovies. >> jimmy: what is this guy? >> this is peanut butter. >> jimmy: why the peanut butter? >> jelly. >> jimmy: peanut butter and jelly. >> peanut butter and jelly. >> i think -- i got some english muffs over here. >> they great with mayonnaise, eggs. >> jimmy: i don't like eggs either.
[ laughter ] all right, i'm almost there. are you ready to go? can we have 60 seconds on the clock? ready? panini-off. ready? and go! i'm going to do english muffins. because i love english muffins. >> english muffins. i'm going to do a little panini bread here. >> jimmy: little peanut butter is what i'm doing here. >> hey, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah? >> you know what's great with peanut butter? >> jimmy: what? [ laughter ] i can't believe you brought mayonnaise on the show. you're the worst. that is so sneaky of you. i hate mayonnaise. you know that. what do i do? marshmallow fluff. that's good, right? marshmallow fluff. put that on there. what else should i put? >> some pork, a little fennel, some olives. a little roasted pepper. >> jimmy: oh, i like bananas, right? >> okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how much -- 30 seconds? [ laughter ] 30 seconds on the clock. >> hey, jimmy, i brought some more mayonnaise, too. >> jimmy: no, i don't want -- no, i don't want mayonnaise. i hate mayonnaise! stop it! [ laughter ] >> oh! >> jimmy: 17 seconds on the -- throw some potato chips on there. >> add a little fennel. some roasted peppers. some onions over here. >> jimmy: i'm going to put this -- >> you sure no mayonnaise? >> jimmy: i'm going to go flip mode. eight seconds left.
>> eight seconds left. >> jimmy: look at this. we'll stack this up here. make it look a king crown. >> what are you making? >> jimmy: what do you mean? this is fantastic. >> are you sure you don't need help? >> jimmy: look, i put it the other way. nooks, crannies, both up. >> nooks and crannies up? >> jimmy: yeah, i went -- one side. aren't i talented? >> you are, you are. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's ridiculous. >> you know, if this "late night" thing doesn't work out, you got a job. >> jimmy: i'm going to get fired from one of your restaurants. we're going to take a break. "witchcraft" is in stores now. and "top chef: las vegas" is back on bravo august 19th, at 9:00 p.m. when we come back, it's judgment time. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ig
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back. we're back, everybody. "top chef" is going to las vegas. >> we're in vegas, yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my god. it's going to be exciting. why vegas? >> you know, i think they pay us the most money to come and do the show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, before -- >> here you go. if you win, because, you know, this is a competition here. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. >> so, if you win, that's a crazy looking -- what is on that? >> jimmy: it's peanut butter, potato chips -- >> there's fluff.
>> jimmy: marshmallow fluff and bananas. >> it actually smells good. if that beats me, that's going on the menu, it'll be "the fallon." >> jimmy: really? >> it'll be on the menu. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, i like that. i'll take that! that's good. yeah, i like that. all right, so, let's plate them here or whatever. yeah, i guess mine doesn't look right. >> you got to cut it. you got to cut it. >> jimmy: well,'m going to put these guys in first. >> oh, okay, all right. [ laughter ] i think it can help. >> jimmy: i'm just going to clear some of these chips. all right. and then we got to cut it. and then who are tonight judges? let's meet them there. we got announcer, steve higgins. all right there's a judge. good job. [ cheers and applause ] marissa jaret winokur, yeah. come on, i got to win. >> marissa: oh, yeah. >> jimmy: and there's damon "tuba gooding jr." right there, everybody -- [ cheers and applause ] from the roots. all right, here we go. >> i've already tried, you know that? yeah. >> jimmy: i think this one's going to crash. >> and burn. >> jimmy: i can't really -- yeah, it looks good. [ laughter ] >> keep your night job. >> jimmy: sorry. all right, here we go. yum. this one fell -- all right, let's try it. here we go. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right.
yum. let's go with tom's first. now, what did you do? what did you make? >> i have roast pork topnatta roast pepper and onion. >> jimmy: wow, i feel like i lost already. >> better known as ralph. >> steve: you eat this? >> jimmy: you eat -- yeah, sure. >> steve: i'll try it. >> or you could toss it like a frisbee, pal. >> steve: that's -- this is, this is. >> little chocolate sauce on that one. >> jimmy: yeah, probably -- >> really completes the whole -- >> jimmy: yeah. all right, don't eat the whole thing? >> steve: what? >> jimmy: just have one bite of it. [ laughter ] and then -- >> eat the whole thing, take it home. i'll wrap it up. >> jimmy: get a little diddy grape juice. [ laughter ] no, diddy didn't leave any grape juice. so, i didn't. >> steve: oh, no. >> jimmy: all right, try this guy. this is -- >> marissa: i feel like this is a dare. this is a dare. >> jimmy: it's not a dare at all! [ laughter ] >> marissa: this is the college dare. it's like, "i had all this and that! why don't you try this?" >> this will be better about 3:00 in the morning. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. look at that. >> marissa: yeah. oh, my god. did you do the fluff, too? oh! >> jimmy: yes. you got to love that. i'm telling you, it's good, it's good. >> marissa: i'm not going to