tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC October 1, 2013 12:35am-1:35am EDT
>> jimmy: thank you very much. oh, man. that's what i'm talking about. i feel the love. i love that, that's awesome! oh, that's a hot crowd right there. [ cheers and applause ] a good looking crowd. new york city crowd. welcome, everybody! please, welcome, have a seat. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." oh, my goodness. that's the way to do it right there. oh, man. you made me feel so good. that's great. thanks so much for doing that, you guys. thanks for watching at home. i appreciate you tuning in to see the show here. people are take being about. the big series of "breaking bad," the series finale of "breaking bad." that was last night. more than 10 million people tuned in for that show. [ cheers and applause ] that was great. it ended with death, violence and tragedy. or as giants fans put it, not the worst thing i saw on tv today. [ laughter and applause ] i'll tell you that much. you guys watch football this weekend? [ cheers and applause ]
a lot of big games. in fact, yesterday, the vikings and the steelers played a game in london. yeah. fans were like, i wish we had our own nfl team of our own. and new yorkers said, "you want two?" [ laughter ] we got the jets and -- take your pick. [ cheers and applause ] take your pick. i thought this was kind of funny. diplomats from around the world have been spotted at strip clubs all over new york city while they are in town for the u.n. general assembly. even crazier, the people who go to strip clubs actually recognize foreign diplomats. [ laughter and applause ] prime minister of bangladesh over there. look at him. >> steve: next up, cinnamon. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. diplomats have been spotted at strip clubs. though, things got pretty weird when the diplomat from iran tried paying for his lap dance with goats. [ laughter and applause ] get over here. get over here. get over here. my money's a -- get over here! i'll make it rain. i'll make it rain right here. i'll make it rain. here's a goat for you. here's a goat for you.
[ goat sounds ] [ cheers and applause ] oh, my goodness. look at the teeth on that one. teeth. [ laughter ] the teeth on the goat on them -- on the goat. look at the teeth on the goat. this one has teeth and a beard. so does that one. let's get out of this, huh? let's get out of the strip club. this is not good here. of course, congress failed to reach an agreement on a new spending bill today. and now it looks like there is a good chance the government will shut down tomorrow. [ audience boos ] or in other words -- [ microsoft shut [ applause ] yeah. money is tight, tight, tight right now in washington. in fact, after 128 years, the national aquarium in d.c. may have to close because it's running out of money. yeah, officials say they plan on relocating all of the fish to
another aquarium nearby. then the fish were like, "hey, isn't that a red lobster?" [ laughter and applause ] i thought this was kind of cool. i'm all for helping out the environment. ikea just announced that it's going to start selling solar panels at its stores in the uk. environmentalists say they can't wait to buy the solar panels, spend three hours trying to put them together, then go screw it, what have the polar bears ever done for me? [ laughter and applause ] nothing. hey, if you are thinking about getting married soon, listen to this. i just read that a growing number of couples have started splitting the costs of an engagement ring. [ cheers ] [ laughter ] yeah, because if there's one thing every girl dreams of, it's hearing that special someone say "you owe me $2,000." [ laughter and applause ] six months. i can give you six months. i got to have it.
more couples are splitting the cost of an engagement ring. here's how it works. your girlfriend pays half. and you pay for the rest of your life. [ laughter ] can you believe he made pay for half of this! get out of here! this is kind of a weird story here. another zoo story. a zoo in texas is sending its male gorilla to therapy at another zoo because it doesn't like female gorillas. yeah. i guess they knew something was up when it said, "honey, this isn't what i meant when i asked for a banana. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] okay. okay?" what? [ laughter ] did you hear what nasa is doing -- nasa says they are going the try to launch a 3-d printer into space next year so that astronauts can make their own tools. of course, astronauts had a few questions like, "why don't you
just launch some tools." [ laughter ] make my own tools? this is interesting here. a new survey found that seattle is now the most popular city in the country for gay couples. [ laughter ] good news for britney spears. oh, we love britney on our show. i just read that tickets to her upcoming concerts in las vegas are selling quickly, despite rumors that she will be lip-synching all of her songs. she actually addressed this in a recent interview. take a look at this. >> it is a lot of fun, you know. it is different than anything i have ever done before, but, you know, i definitely won't be lip-synching at all. it's going to be 100% britney up there. ♪ hit me baby one more time ♪ >> jimmy: all right. there you go. [ cheers and applause ] that should work. that should work.
it should be fun. good news for us new yorkers. a new report found that new york's air quality has reached its cleanest level in more than 50 years. [ cheers and applause ] it's pretty great. in fact, the air is so clear, you can see someone peeing in an alley from like a mile away. [ laughter ] so clear, the air. i thought this was interesting. little different for me whenever i try to talk to my daughter. she just pretends she's on her smartphone. i'm like, "hey, winnie." she's like "hey, elmo, sorry, i got to take this. elmo, let us talk, sorry. later, dad." some big news for movie fans. china is building an $8 billion movie studio to compete with hollywood. big news. you know, they actually started
competing in other ways, too. they've been releasing well-known american movies and renaming those guys. you know the movie "we're the millers," funny comedy. china just came out with this one. "it's us, the wu family." [ laughter ] [ applause ] you can tell that it's the same -- i knew it. i could tell. >> steve: you could tell. >> jimmy: they're also releasing "the lone ranger." and they're renaming it "he who rides horse in bad movie." [ laughter and applause ] they're doing it. i can't -- i can't stop them. >> steve: yeah, i can't stop them, they're china. >> jimmy: and finally, gosh, love this video. it made me laugh. a high school marching band in austin, texas -- they are a great marching band. they're performing at a halftime, at a football game this weekend. and there was little problem with the tubas. check this out. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they were this close
to impressing the cheerleaders. we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. i'm so excited. it's monday. fun, welcome. we're excited to be back. we got some big shows coming up here on the show. rebel wilson, paul giamatti, artie lange will all be here. we got music from phantogram and lorde singing "royals." [ applause ] i'll be cooking with my pal, mario batali will be here. but, first, we have a fantastic show for you tonight. he is a "saturday night live" legend. we love having him back on the show. hilarious. kevin nealon is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] always funny. >> steve: nicest, funniest -- >> jimmy: a new stand-up cd. great on "weeds." she's a great actress, the beautiful elizabeth olsen will be joining us as well. [ cheers and applause ]
and we have music from the avett brothers. oh, my goodness. they are talented guys. the avett brothers. they're so talented. speaking of music, it's monday. there are so many great songs out there right now. let's take a look at the top of the charts. number three, we've got "royals" by lorde. as i said my favorite new song. i love that song. number two, we have "roar" by katy perry. and number one, "wrecking ball" by miley cyrus. >> steve: wow. number one. >> jimmy: that's the top three songs. now let's take a look at the bottom of the charts. we got number 98, the john mccain collection of musical moans. [ laughter ] >> steve: i love that one. >> jimmy: we have a clip of that one? can we jam it up. yeah. [ moaning ] ♪ that's good. [ laughter and applause ]
coming in at 98. that's down 10 spots. coming at number 99, it's vladimir putin. spoken covers of 90's rock songs. >> hey, now. you are all stars. get game on. go play. all glitter gold. i smash the mouth. >> jimmy: what? i smash the mouth. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: wow, that's 99 with a bullet, too. >> jimmy: yeah. i don't know. and finally, rounding out, all the way at number 100, all the way on the bottom of the chart, here's arnold schwarzenegger's "i'm the scat man." ♪ i'm the scat man did you hear me i am the scat man ♪ [ speaking gibberish ] ♪ i'm scatting all the time i can't stop scatting get down ♪ [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: that's number 100.
that rounds off the top 100. >> jimmy: that's number 100. yeah, it's on the way off the >> jimmy: good to see him doing other stuff and stretching his talents. you guys, a lot of times on twitter. you guys on twitter? it's fun. [ cheers and applause ] now and then, you'll see a tweet from a celebrity, and go "what are they talking about?" it turns out, sometimes, they're just replying to another person's question. that's what i found out. i'll show you what i mean in a segment called, "in reply to." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ in reply to in reply to oh yeah ♪ >> jimmy: so, the way this works is i'm going to show you a celebrity's tweet and we'll see the question they were replying to. so the first example of the tweet from the "duck dynasty" guys, we love those dudes. they responded to @handtoheart123. they said -- their answer was "a family of tree squirrels." i don't know what they're talking about. but then i saw what was -- question that was asked. and it is, "what's the weirdest thing you found in your beard?" and now it makes sense. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that is weird to find in your beard. >> steve: it makes sense.
>> jimmy: it makes sense. here's one from "breaking bad" star bryan cranston. he responded, "i'm glad it's over because it actually scared me to deal with such an evil character." let's see what he was asked. "what's it like working with frankie muniz in 'malcolm in the middle?" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seemed like a nice guy to me. he seemed like a nice guy. nice kid. moving on. here's a reply from the new york giants quarterback eli manning. he replied, "the quarterback sack." let's see the question. "what's a nickname for your man part?" [ laughter ] unfollow. [ laughter ] here's a response from starbucks. they said, "try a venti cup." see what they were asked. "what do customers do when the line for the bathroom too long?" it works. here's one from gary busey.
he replied, "the lonesome pigeon cackles quietly under the chocolate moon." [ laughter ] let's see the question. "how are you?" [ laughter ] tmi. >> steve: yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: tmi, man. this one is from ozzy osbourne. he replied, "on very rare occasions, yes." let's see the question. "can you understand what you're saying?" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] now and then, he gets it. >> steve: it'll sink back in. >> jimmy: you get used to it. you start understanding. next one's from larry king. he responded, "they looked like old grey marbles just dangling in the air." [ audience ohs ] see what he was asked. "can you describe planets?" [ laughter ] >> steve: oh, gosh. >> jimmy: what were you thinking?
[ cheers and applause ] >> steve: that's good. >> jimmy: what's your problem? >> steve: i thought it was something about a quarterback sack. >> jimmy: moving on, here's one from russian president vladimir putin. he responded, "poison, no question." but, here's the question. "what's your favorite bell biv devoe song?" [ laughter ] [ applause ] that's up there. that's up there with my favorite. >> steve: that's top 10. >> jimmy: "never trust a big butt and a smile." >> steve: yeah, that's a good one. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: here's last one here. it's from our pal, governor chris christie. he responded, "i would go with the giants." to the question, "what size pants do you buy?" there you go. [ laughter ] that's all the time we have for "in reply to." we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello. i'm steve joshua. do you enjoy the sinsiter and aggressive themes of heavy metal music, but wish that it had a sunnier, more gentle sound? well then i've got the album for you. it's "the avett brothers sing heavy metal." that's right. america's favorite folk rock
band sings 25 of the darkest most head-banging songs ever written. songs like "painkiller" by judas priest, "raining blood" by slayer, and this heavy metal classic by iron maiden, "run to the hills." ♪ ♪ run to the hills run for your life run to the hills run for your life ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. 25 heavy metal songs that you can actually play for your family. songs like "chapel of ghouls" by
morbid angel, "symphony of destruction" by megadeth, and who could forget black sabbath's "iron man." ♪ i am iron man ♪ ♪ has he lost his mind can he see or is he blind can he walk at all or if he moves will he fall ♪ ♪ ♪ i am iron man [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. doesn't that put a smile on your face? it certainly puts one on mine.
and if you order now, you will get ten bonus songs written by heavy metal band you've never even heard of. songs like "my intestine" by clowns of torment, "succubus" by skullrot, and to top it all off, you also get the heavy metal masterpiece, metallica's "one." ♪ ♪ darkness imprisoning me all that i see absolute horror i cannot live ♪ ♪ i cannot die trapped in myself body my holding cell ♪ >> jimmy: to order your copy today, go to www.avettdeth.com. see you on the other side. [ cheers and applause ]
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i was honored to serve as governor of virginia. we brought folks together in richmond to focus on creating jobs and getting results. that's the virginia way. and that's why i'm backing terry mcauliffe for governor. terry won't let ideological battles get in the way of making progress. terry will work with democrats, republicans, and independents to create jobs and move virginia forward. it's important for virginia that we elect terry mcauliffe as our governor. i'm terry mcauliffe, candidate for governor, and i sponsored this ad. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a hilarious "saturday night live" alum and standup comedian who's latest comedy album, "whelmed but not overly," is in stores right now. you can see him live at the improv in tempe, arizona -- wow, one of my favorite clubs -- october 4th and 5th. please welcome kevin nealon, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> jimmy: you are hilarious. kevin nealon, they love you. we love you! >> look at this crowd, huh? >> jimmy: thank you for coming back. everybody is in a great mood. they're all happy. >> oh, i can tell. i can tell. you know, it amazes me how people can be so happy and, you know, full of laughter. when, you know, in reality, there is so much tragedy in this world. you know what i mean? i mean, personal tragedy and collective tragedy. >> jimmy: thank you so much. >> and there are some people, jimmy. i'm trying on set the record straight, that aren't grateful for what they have. you know. >> jimmy: yeah. >> they don't know how to deal with it and move on. >> jimmy: thank you so much. >> i live in los angeles. and a couple of years ago, there were these fires about 60 miles from my house. something on santa monica mountain. people lost everything they own. they lost their homes, everything. and at the time i had a
2010 7 series beamer. and -- i came outside my house one morning and there was a very fine -- of ash all over my car. >> jimmy: oh my god. >> and i sit back and i thought to myself, why me? why do these things happen to me? >> jimmy: yeah. very good. thank you. yes. exactly. >> guess what, they do happen to you and you deal with it and you move on. >> jimmy: you're a bigger man -- thank you. we can learn a lesson from kevin nealon, right there, everybody. >> i knew my guy -- i knew my guy would clean it. >> jimmy: you didn't even do it yourself. that's very nice. >> and by my guy, i mean steve higgins, your announcer. >> jimmy: yes, he cleans your car. >> he cleaned it up for me. >> jimmy: that's so very nice of him. thank you so much. >> yes. >> jimmy: you are -- this is very optimistic of you. you are very -- you're an optimist. >> i am an optimist. >> jimmy: you are. >> and i like it when other people are optimistic. you know? >> jimmy: yes. i am. >> i can tell. i know you're an optimist. >> jimmy: i'm very positive. the half is glass full. >> yeah. your cell phone's screen is half shattered. >> jimmy: that's correct. it's half shattered. >> you know, when i see adults wearing braces, i smile because -- i know they have hope for the future. [ laughter ]
you know what i mean? and they are going to look good when it happens. >> jimmy: adults with braces. yes, that's correct. >> by the way, here's the thing, jimmy. if you ever get false teeth when you are older, slap some braces on there and nobody will know they are false. [ laughter ] why would he have braces on false teeth. >> jimmy: -- on false teeth. exactly, yeah. good idea. they'll never now they're false. >> exactly. >> jimmy: yeah, this is -- you're not really a risk taker though. i know that about you. you've been on the show before. i think of you, you like to kind of play it safe a little bit. don't you? >> almost too safe. you know, i want to get outside of my comfort zone a little bit. i want to take some more risks. you know? >> jimmy: you do. >> not crazy risks. you know, i'm not going to sky dive or you know, take a carnival cruise. [ laughter ] you know what i mean, i just want to -- get outside a little bit. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's taking a big risk, right there. >> i'm not going to be a storm chaser. >> jimmy: you wouldn't chase a tornados or anything. >> what about these people that chase the tornadoes? there is something wrong with them. >> jimmy: well, it's a crazy occupation. >> i mean it's not -- >> jimmy: i can't believe it's an occupation. >> i don't even know if they get
paid for it. do they? >> jimmy: i don't think so, yeah. >> i would chase, like a drizzle. that would be about it. >> jimmy: you go out drizzle chasing. yeah, you get right in the eye of the drizzle. yeah, i'm in the middle of the drizzle right now. jimmy, jimmy, some drops on the window. turn on the wipers. uh-oh. fogging up. we got a fog. let's get out of here, let's move. move. go, go, go! go! whoo! >> jimmy: we're getting fog on this windshield, yes. yeah, i'm afraid of the tornados and like, homes getting ripped up. >> yeah. yeah. i would love to be like -- safe in a tornado. i would like to be down in the basement of somebody's house. with a big mattress over me. not my house, somebody else's house. and then just hear the stuff hitting outside, you know? i do feel bad for the animals though, because they have nowhere to go. >> jimmy: no. the animals stay out there. you always see like, a cow flying around. >> it's only the cows you see. you don't see like pigs or horses. right? >> jimmy: all you see are cows. >> it's like, moo! [ laughter ] moo! moo! it's like a cow nascar race. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a cow nascar race.
moo! >> moo! >> jimmy: moo! [ laughter ] >> they should design -- you know, maybe cows are more aerodynamic. >> jimmy: i don't think so. >> maybe they should design planes to look like cows. >> jimmy: i don't think so. no, no, no. >> but yeah, the whole risk thing is not my thing. >> jimmy: you wouldn't bungee jump or any of that? >> no. i don't -- you guys had on your show that guy that skydived from the earth's atmosphere. >> jimmy: yeah. felix something. >> baumgartner. >> jimmy: he broke the sound barrier. >> yeah, he was going fast. >> jimmy: he was going so fast, he broke the sound barrier. >> can you imagine if his chute didn't open up? they would have been cleaning him up and then afterwards they would have here, oh, no! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: like, 30 seconds later. >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. yeah. i didn't even think about that. >> so you're a dad now, right? >> jimmy: i am a dad now. yeah, i have a little baby. her name is winnie.
she is 9 weeks old. she's a tiny little girl. [ cheers and applause ] >> how are you doing on time? >> jimmy: that's it. >> you get any sleep? >> jimmy: yeah, a little bit. not that much, but yeah. >> sleep is an -- >> jimmy: sleep is amazing. i forgot how great kids are. >> oh, man, it's so valuable. >> jimmy: i'd love to invest in sleep. >> yeah, if you could that would be good. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i was -- i was somewhere the other night and i was really tired. and the guy goes "you got kids?" i say, "yeah." he goes, "don't worry i'll have you home before you know it." and i'm thinking "how dumb do you have to be to know you will be home before you know it." seriously, you shouldn't be driving if you're going to be home before you know it. >> jimmy: you shouldn't be driving if you're home before you know that you're home. yeah, no doubt at all. >> what, you get home. you go "geez, where the hell am i? this is not -- okay, i know where i am now. okay." >> jimmy: i was home before i knew what the hell was happening. yeah, absolutely. you've got this record here now. this comedy cd there, "whelmed but not overly." which i think is a great title. and you are doing -- one of my favorite clubs, tempe. the improv at tempe. >> at tempe, yeah. >> jimmy: i love that club. one of my favorite clubs. october 4th or something like that is when you're doing it. >> something like that. i show up whenever and they put me on. >> jimmy: you know -- you do
these things, the reason i'm saying the dates is because you a lot of charity stuff. >> yeah, i do a lot of charity stuff, because, you know, i've been so fortunate in my life with this career and --e you know, i have taken so much. now i'm giving back -- >> jimmy: good for you. >> -- to the social world. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. i appreciate that. thank you. >> jimmy: like, what type of stuff? how are you giving back? >> see, this is the problem, i want to give back, but now i'm just taking that applause. so, now i have to give back more. >> jimmy: yeah. >> what i do, i've learned how the read lips. i'm a lip reader now. so i do a lot of work with like, deaf people and nosey people. >> jimmy: that's where you get both. >> that's -- yeah. i'm actually very good at it. i started off -- you know, i always wanted to be a lip reader, because i really admired people that knew how to do that. but i started off reading puppet lips. that's the easiest. it's just like -- [ laughter ] it looks like ma. ma, ma, ma -- >> jimmy: ma, ma, ma. that's very, very good. >> and now i've gotten to this point i'm -- really -- probably the best lip reader in the country. let's try a little experiment here. jimmy, i want to you chew a
piece of gum. >> jimmy: okay. >> and while you are chewing the gum, i want to you say something that's not audible but just say something though, and i'll tell what you are saying. even with the gum chewing, i will be able to see. >> jimmy: me chewing gum, you can tell. >> yeah. here we go. >> jimmy: and i'm allowed to say it? >> yeah, but don't say it out loud. no audio. >> jimmy: okay. >> have you started? have you started? >> mm-hmm. >> so, you've got to say -- you've got to move your mouth, though. i can't read your lips if they're together. all i can say now is you're humming. [ laughter ] that's it. [ laughter ] are you chewing the gum now? have you started? >> jimmy: no, i'm chewing the gum -- i've said the word. okay. >> all right, take the gum out. that's not going to work. [ laughter ] let's do something -- let's try something right here. let's just try a couple of sentences. >> jimmy: okay.
why are you closing your eyes? [ laughter ] you're a lip reader. >> you're right, you're right, you're right. let's try it again. >> jimmy: keep your eyes open. >> you're right, you're right. you're right. let's try it again. >> jimmy: keep your eyes open. >> let's try it again. i'm gonna do -- >> jimmy: closing your eyes. yeah. >> i haven't done this in a while. >> jimmy: i understand. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> there's another technique. >> jimmy: no problem, okay. >> there is a technique called tactile lip processing. [ laughter ] so you do that, you talk. you do those same sentences, with my fingertips i'm going to feel your mouth as it is moving. go ahead. i don't even have to look. [ laughter ] okay. the thing about -- jimmy -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i like that. i like -- you've got a clean palette now. now i can really -- >> jimmy: you can really read my lip.
yeah. >> i'm not only reading the lips. i'm also analyzing the tongue. the way the tongue moves. [ laughter ] because the tongue helps form words. so this is like -- i'm reading body language of the tongue, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> so -- say something now and really use that tongue. let me see that tongue as you're talking. [ laughter ] you know. just really -- okay. [ laughter ] okay, what i'm getting from the tongue is that it needs a lot of attention. and it's more of a exhibitionist. >> jimmy: i'm sorry. >> let's try one word and then i think i got it. do one word. >> jimmy: one word. >> just one word. again, please. [ laughter ] just a scooch louder. a little bit louder. >> jimmy: dynamic. >> dynamic. >> jimmy: dynamic. you got it. hey, wow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ dynamic.
you are dynamic. that's an amazing talent. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: oh, my god. kevin nealon. check out "whelmed but not overly." see him live, october 4th and 5th at the improv in tempe, arizona. elizabeth olsen joins us next. there she is in the bud light platinum suite. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hershey's is more than chocolate, it's an opportunity to stop and savor the unmistakable taste that reminds us that life is delicious.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest, is a talented actress who's currently starring in the off-broadway production of "romeo and juliet" at the classic stage company, right here in new york city. please welcome elizabeth olsen, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: elizabeth olsen, how are you? >> i'm really good. how are you doing? >> jimmy: i'm doing great. last time i saw you, you were here. it was your first talk show -- late night talk show ever. >> it was like my first like, talk show ever.
>> jimmy: oh, even daytime or late night. >> yeah. i was very sick also. which i felt like i shouldn't tell you that. >> jimmy: no. because you were great. you were such a good actress. >> no. it was all like a fog. >> jimmy: yeah, well i'm sick now. >> that's okay. >> jimmy: no. i'm making it up. i'm lying. i'm not a good actor. that's why i'm not acting. but you have -- big news for you. you graduated this year, college. >> i did. >> jimmy: you are a college graduate. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> and i'm 24. >> jimmy: and you're 24. >> and it was an undergraduate degree, not a grad degree. so, it took a while. >> jimmy: but either way that still counts. yeah, it took a long time. good for you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what was the major? >> theater. >> jimmy: theater. yeah, of course. >> relevant. >> jimmy: yeah. relevant. i actually, i don't want to brag, i have my doctorate. >> do you really? >> jimmy: yeah. we have it hanging here in the studio, in the rafters. my doctorate there. doctor of humane letters. ♪ doctor of humane letters. you can call me doctor if you want to. >> okay. >> jimmy: you're speaking to a
doctor. did you celebrate and go crazy? >> i didn't, because it took me six years to graduate. >> jimmy: me, too. >> i didn't know anyone. >> jimmy: did you go to the ceremony? >> no, it's at yankee stadium. and i was like -- i didn't really want to be there by myself. i'd have probably a panic attack or something. i don't know anyone. >> jimmy: yeah, because you took six years to get it. you don't know anyone in your college anymore. >> yeah, so i just like, had a birthday and -- had -- got myself a cake and pretended it was also graduation. >> jimmy: aw, that's kind of sad. >> it was fine. >> jimmy: no, no, no. that's not fine. we only live with joy. have only have joy. we bring joy to people here at the show. i think we should have a graduation celebration for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] >> my parents are going to be so happy. >> jimmy: they are going to be so happy for you. >> they were really mad i didn't go to graduation because hillary clinton wasn't speaking.
aw, it looks so cute. all right, wait -- >> i don't know what side it's supposed to go on. >> jimmy: i think its this side right there. and then it flips over there from there, right? >> okay. >> jimmy: and what college was this? >> new york university. >> jimmy: oh, nyu. there you go. [ cheers ] >> thank you for being here today. >> kevin: yeah, i came for your graduation. >> jimmy: you're friends with kevin nealon? he came to your graduation? >> yeah. >> kevin: i actually showed up at yankee stadium and she wasn't there. >> jimmy: i understand, that makes a lot of sense. ladies and gentlemen, here at nyu, we skip a through z, and just start with the letter o. here to get her diploma, here's elizabeth olsen. where are you? congratulations. you're a graduate. will you take the diploma, and now you can take your hat off and throw it in the air. go for it. you're a graduate! there we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ freeze frame right there. we freeze frame right there. we freeze. a beautiful freeze frame. yes. oh, my gosh. we are so happy. >> that is really nice. >> jimmy: we are so happy for you. oh, my gosh. that's a such big deal. >> i asked my dad if he would
actually roll up one of the menus at the restaurant and give it to me. and it was really anti-climactic. >> jimmy: it was weird, yeah, yeah. >> he was like, "happy birthday." i was like, "that's not the point." >> jimmy: it's not the point, dad, come on, yeah. >> jimmy: well, look at you now. yeah. explain this to us, "romeo and juliet," gosh we love this play. >> rivaling with -- >> jimmy: i mean, there's another "romeo." >> -- the broadway production. but not really because they're completely different. which is cool. i saw their show and it's completely different. >> jimmy: and how is it really different? >> there is not one actor who is doing anything similar to any actor in our production. >> jimmy: his is a more -- orlando bloom is in the other one. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's a more modern take. >> kevin: it's animated. >> it is. >> jimmy: it's animated? are you sure? >> well, there are puppets. yeah, people are reading each other's mouths. >> jimmy: puppets and everything. but yours, no puppets, no animation. just live acting. >> yeah. and a really small warehouse space, and downtown in new york. >> jimmy: classic stage company. that's super, super fun. when does it run till? >> we run until november 10th, possibly the 17th. if we extend it a little bit. but yeah.
it is really great. >> kevin: how off-broadway is it? is it in new york? >> it is pretty far off-broadway. 13th street and 3rd avenue. it is quite a few avenues off broadway. >> jimmy: it's in queens. it's in queens, so you will love it. you guys, if you are ever in queens, go see this. it's elizabeth olsen. check out "romeo and juliet." the classic stage company through november 10th. she's amazing in it. the avett brothers perform next! she's a graduate! yay! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm kind of seeing a... some kind of... this is... an alien species. reality check: a lot of 4g lte coverage maps don't really look like much at all. i see the aleutian islands. looks like a duck. it looks like... america... ish. that's a map. that's a map of the united states. check the map. verizon's 4g lte is the most reliable, and in more places than any other 4g network. trade in your old device and trade up to america's most reliable network. i've got the good one! i got verizon!
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guests are back again tonight to premiere another new song from their upcoming album. "magpie and the dandelion," which will be in stores on october 15th. performing "vanity," with special guest soundgarden frontman chris cornell. please welcome the avett brothers! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i've got something to say but it's all vanity it's all vanity i found a tune ♪
♪ i could play but it's all vanity it's all vanity call off the guards ♪ ♪ call off the search their heads are chopped off they're running in circles they're running in circles ♪ ♪ i have a plan for the day but it's all vanity it's all vanity i've got love ♪ ♪ pouring out of my veins but it's all vanity it's all vanity call off the guards ♪ ♪ call off the search
these are birth control pills. more than half of american women use them at some point in their lives but ken cuccinelli sponsored a bill that could have made common forms of birth control illegal, including the pill. cuccinelli was one of only five senators to support this "potentially radical intrusion into domestic, family and individual decision-making" why is ken cuccinelli interfering in our private lives? he's focused on his own agenda. not us. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love everyone here. kevin nealon, elizabeth olsen, the avett brothers, chris cornell! that was great.