tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC April 12, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EDT
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- kevin costner, from "izombie," actress rose mciver, cooking seafood with chef and rapper action bronson, featuring the 8g band with fab moretti. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers and this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. bernie sanders won this weekend's wyoming caucus which was his seventh win in a row over hillary clinton. clinton said she's still not worried. but it was hard to understand her through the wallet she was biting. [ laughter ] "this is all fine."
[ laughter ] we are now four days away from hillary clinton and bernie sanders thursday night debate in brooklyn, which means hillary's already tried 600 different ways to ask, "is brooklyn in the house? [ laughter ] is brooklyn in the house?" all the presidential candidates except ted cruz campaigned in new york today. he was originally planning on it, but when he crawled out from the wall, he got stuck in a glue trap. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] yesterday was national siblings day and you do not want to know how the lannister's celebrated. [ audience groans ] [ laughter ] >> yeah! >> seth: somebody just yeahed incest. [ laughter ] yeah! [ laughter ] according to reports, two of donald trump's children will not be able to vote at new york's primary bee
register before the deadline. so i guess you just lost two votes, ted cruz. [ laughter ] bernie sanders -- [ applause ] bernie sanders and his wife, on friday, saw the hit broadway musical "hamilton." said sanders afterwards, "that's now how i remember it. [ laughter ] there wasn't this much singing." president obama's approval rating is now at it's highest level since 2013. though i think a lot of that has to do with his new pr team. [ laughter ] bernie sanders visited coney island yesterday. and somehow, after he rode the roller coaster, his hair was neater. [ laughter ] today is national pet day which means someone is getting an extra treat from his master. [ laughter ]
[ cheers and applause ] excited? and finally, there's a new study out questioning which traits people are most likely to identify as creepy. there's also a new study out answering it. there we go. [ audience ohs ] we got a great show for you tonight here at "late night." [ cheers and applause ] from the new film "criminal," kevin costner is in the house tonight. so happy to have him back. [ cheers and applause ] from the cw's "izombie," rose mciver drops by the show. [ cheers and applause ] and he has got a new show on viceland, i'm going to enjoy saying the title of it all night, his show "[ bleep ], that's delicious." [ laughter ] and he's here tonight to cook us octopus, chef -- chef. we got it. chef -- it's chef, right? [ laughter ] chef and rapper, action bronson is here. [ cheers and applause ]
before we get to that, a massive leak of confidential documents known as the "panama papers" has implicated as many as 12 current or former heads of states and some of the word's wealthiest people in a huge international tax avoidance and corruption scandal. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: the leaked documents come from a law firm named mossack fonseca, based in panama. a country best known for hats favored by business-casual hipsters, old rich guys in sports cars, and sean connery. [ laughter ] the world's hippest old rich guy. the law firm is known for helping foreigners set up shell companies in panama to hold their financial assets in secret. now, this story is massively important because it reveals the degree to which wealthy and powerful people have been allowed to hide their wealth and avoid taxes. and in this case, that includes some high-profile names you may recognize. >> vladimir putin, investigators say at the center of a star-studded list of 12 current and former heads of states, like
celebrities like jackie chan. >> seth: first of all, what a shame that jackie chan and vladimir putin are showing up together in anything other than "rush hour four: russian hour." [ laughter ] second of all -- [ applause ] there's no evidence, no evidence chan used these companies to do anything wrong, which demonstrates that, sometimes, these kinds of offshore companies can be used for perfectly legitimate reasons. for example, another celebrity named in the "panama papers" is former "american idol" judge and professional t-shirt stretcher, simon cowell. [ laughter ] the documents name cowell as the sole shareholder of two british virgin islands companies set up to purchase land in barbados, where he apparently loves to jet ski. and this photo brings us to one of the most important but overlooked lessons from this scandal -- no one ever looks cool on a jet ski. [ laughter ] especially when you're standing. what are you trying to see that you can't see sitting? [ laughter ] if there's ocean traffic? [ laughter ] so those are the legitimate ways you can use an offshore company. but more o t
anonymously stash their income offshore and shield it from taxes or other government supervision. transparency advocates like the former greek finance minister, yanis varoufakis, have celebrated the release of the documents. although in varoufakis' case, i'm not sure he's really capable of celebrating anything. >> well firstly i'm exceptionally pleased that there are many of those who have enjoyed, not so much tax evasion but tax immunity, who are having sleepless nights. it's a wonderful whiff of transparency, even though it may be short lived. it feels me with joy. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's you filled with joy? "also, i saw a boy trip today and he dropped his ice cream. i could not stop smiling." [ laughter ] but it's true that there's already been major political fallout from the release of the papers like in iceland where the prime minister, sigmundur david gunnlaugsson, wh
week after it was revealed that he kept an offshore account himself. and when he was confronted about the account in a tv interview he was clearly caught off guard. >> what can you tell me about the company called wintris? >> well, um -- [ laughter ] >> seth: um, maybe it's a different sigmundur david gunnlaugsson? [ laughter ] the prime minister then pulled the i'm definitely innocent move of storming out of the interview. [ speaking foreign language ] >> seth: you know you got someone dead to rights when the cameraman goes that close on the chin. [ laughter ] so i'll mention the offshore account then you zoom right in. [ laughter ] but iceland's prime minister wasn't the only head of state implicated. there was also putin who wasn't directly named in the documents but maybe linked to the offshore companies through close associates. in fact, the leaked documents
is. >> there are allegations that he managed to funnel up to $2 billion through a whole network of offshore companies fronted by friends of his, including a close family friend who's a cellist, called sergei roldugin and also his judo master, no less. >> seth: that's right. he allegedly funneled money through his judo master which makes sense because vladimir putin loves judo. in fact on multiple occasions he's granted media access to his judo session. and as you'd expect they're super weird. [ laughter ] >> seth: move over jet ski, there's a new way to look lame and active. [ laughter ] also, anyone else get the sense his opponent was taking a fall? first rule of vladimir putin fight club, go rag doll limp. [ laughter ] but maybe the most embarrassing thing about this for putin is
a judo master compared to president obama who, of course, is his own judo master. >> that's the most persistence fly i've ever seen. [ smac]k nice. [ laughter ] >> now, where were we? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: incidentally, that fly was also funneling money for putin. [ laughter ] so the putin allegations are the most colorful example of corruption associated with offshore accounts. in addition to that, these types of shell companies are also often used to evade international sanctions or launder money from criminal activity. but the co-founder of mossack fonseca insists that just because they help set up these accounts, doesn't mean they're responsible for any wrongdoing. as he told "the new york times," quote, "we are like a car factory who sells its car to a dealer and he sells it to a lady that hits someone. the factory's not responsible for what is done with the car."
bank and loudly yelled, "i hope no bank robbers use this as a get away car." but maybe the most shocking thing about the "panama papers" is not what's illegal, but what's legal. because right now international laws basically allow wealthy people to stash their income in these offshore shell companies and hide their identity. that needs to change, because if it doesn't, we're looking at many more years of the world's wealthiest people doing this to us. [ laughter ] >> seth: this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: well, today is national pet day and i celebrated it with my dog frisbee. she is a beautiful, tiny italian greyhound. and she and i drove around in the all new chrysler pacifica. frisbee loved the hands free sliding doors. she's a big fan of the stow-and-go seats. she couldn't stop talking about the touch screens on the dual u-connect theater because she spent the whole time watching e
also, very exciting this week, we've got a great drummer for you sitting in with the 8g band, from one of my favorite bands, the strokes, fab moretti is here. [ cheers and applause ] be sure to catch the strokes on friday, june 3rd, when they headline the governor's ball festival on randall's island right here in new york city. thank you so much for being here, fab. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, seth. >> seth: looking forward to the whole week. our first guest, tonight, is an oscar, golden globe and emmy award winner. you can see him playing an ex-con, who is implanted with a cia agent's memory in his latest film, "criminal," which opens in theaters friday. let's take a look. >> your name is bill pope. you're an intelligence officer with the cia. >> intelligence? what? my head. >> aspirin is not good for you, but this will help. >> billy, we had orders to put a bullet in the dutchman's head. all right? but you faltered the plan because you thought you could trust him. you thought you could pay him off. >> billy!
>> where did you put him? >> remember! remember! >> you got me confused with somebody else. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, kevin costner. m♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back. >> thank you. [ cheers ] >> seth: so happy to have you. i don't usually do this. i take issue with the clip we showed because you're chained to the bed, and it gives a false impression of how jam packed with action the film is. [ laughter ] because you were verykick ass in this movie. >> yeah. >> seth: i counted a hook. you killed someone with a hook. >> yeah. seth: you fought somebody with a ct
[ laughter ] >> seth: there's a lot of good fighting props in this movie. >> yeah. well, he spent half his adult life in prison. so our big leap of faith movie is that there's a memory transfer because so much -- there's some kind of information that can save the world. >> seth: yeah, slow down because this is a big leap of faith. [ laughter ] there's the science of this movie. >> well, the science is there. it just hasn't been translated into humans. i mean, they're always moving forward. >> seth: so they put a cia agent's memories in your brain? >> they're not sure if it's gonna work because it is so new, and so -- and when they don't think that it's going to, they throw me on the trash heap, and that's why a lot of that violence takes place. [ laughter ] >> seth: and you play -- >> i have supreme survival skills. >> seth: you've played a bad guy a few times before. >> i have. >> seth: we know you more as a good guy, but this is a very bad guy in this film. >> well, i think sometimes, i'm not really a bad guy. i just think people don't understand my problems. [ laughter ] >> seth: got you. >> i think that's how guys are. you know? >> sh:
>> seth: yeah. i think the guy you kill with the hook maybe doesn't buy into that argument. [ laughter ] >> yeah. well, you know, and he uses -- again, he used everything. he just dismantles that car with his teeth. >> seth: yeah. >> he's is just an ultimate survivor. >> seth: there is a nice lightness to this film as well because you have a nice person's memories in your head, and your character gets frustrated over the film as he sort of learns how to have empathy. >> yeah. >> seth: because that's what he's accustomed to. >> well, it doesn't help you in a survival instinct, whenever you, love, whenever you take anybody on in your life, a level of responsibility, by nature, that slows you down. >> seth: this is bad. i just had a kid. i hate hearing this. >> i know. [ laughter ] >> seth: because i cannot be slowed down. >> no, you won't be. >> seth: also, this is one of my -- >> no beating people up, okay? that's over for you. >> seth: yeah, that's true. we see you in the beginning, and this is one of my favorite things, when someone is in jail in the beginning of the film, full beard, long hair. is this your -- was this wig or yours? >> well, that is wig, but i came to the set with a full set -- with long hair and a bea
and they, in movie world, we did a different scene. they started in the bedroom with the girl, so i had to -- gal gadot, and i had to come up with the other look that carries through the movie. look over here. >> seth: yeah. this is -- so you sort of shaved to that. >> yeah. >> seth: and then, we get to see stitches in the back of your head because that's where the memories went in. >> yeah. and i didn't know how i was gonna look when i came of the makeup trailer. >> seth: it's a good look. >> but i said, "let's put some holes in my head." >> seth: yeah. "let's do it right, okay." >> seth: this is a better look than this for you. now, but i have to ask. [ laughter ] you said -- so this is filmed entirely in london. >> right. >> seth: so you didn't know until you got to the set, so did you fly to london with long and a beard? >> yeah, yeah. i was like that. >> seth: and you're kevin costner. do you -- when you do that, or when you're flying, are you worried that -- are you saying, "oh, i don't look anything like my passport photo, i hope this isn't a big deal?" [ laughter ] >> no, no. the only problem en see, ren. like, the severe look, i er saw this. and wh came me, she goes,
"have you been fighting again?" [ laughter ] and then she tells, "daddy's been fighting again. he always is fighting." so, you know, i go, "tell your teacher that's not what i do." >> seth: yeah. otherwise, very awkward parent/teacher conferences. >> yeah, yeah, y >> seth: "i want to talk about that you've fing tion ah. yeagadot, a fantastic actress. >> seth: and you -- the first -- so your first day is a scene in a oom whe you are basilly brking into the bedroom, tape over her mouth. >> yeah. >> seth: now is that an actress you know beforehand? >> no. >> seth: or is this the first time meet her? >> listen, i showed up with long hair. i said, "hi, i'm kevin." and the guy goes, "we're not doing that scene." so i come back, and i go, "hi, i'm kevin. i'm going to assault you." [ laughter ] you know, "i'm going to start off by taping you and throwing a sock in your mouth. and then, i'm going to have my way with you." >> seth: and she was just like, "you know, i heard from your daughter. i knew this was gonna happen." >> and i'm told -- [ laughter ] you know, it's such a strange business we have, and thank god we have it because i don't know what else i would do. s
well it's a really fun film. i want to talk to you about other things going on. you wrote a book last year. >> yeah. >> seth: and it's the first time you've done this? >> yeah, i co-wrote a think called, "explorers guild" with jon baird, illustrated by rick ross. it's a throwback book to hopefully to the kiplings, you know, and jules verne. it's just a cool novel, and if you like reading, if your kids like reading, they might like this. you got to slog through it, though, a little bit. >> seth: that's not a good quote for the back of the book. [ laughter ] >> you know, it's part of my relationship with my audiences. it's not gonna bull [ bleep ]. >> seth: there you go. now, this is very exciting to me. you are directing another western. >> i do. next spring, i'm going to make a cowboy movie because i just love making them. [ cheers and applause ] and i will -- i think it has a chance to be great. >> seth: how early in your career is "silverado" for you, which is a great western that i feel like -- >> about my third film, third or
about five westerns. so, it's something that i think when you imagine what it's like, i think westerns are probably the most fun for most actors. they seem to, at some point, want to get into a western. >> seth: yeah. all right, so are you very good on a horse? were you good on a horse in the beginning? >> i was okay. >> seth: yeah. >> i could ride a little bit. >> seth: see that, i'd be bad in a western. [ laughter ] >> you'd be all right. >> seth: i don't trust horses. >> yeah. >> seth: that's my problem. [ light laughter ] and your next film, "hidden figures," tell us about that. >> well, "hidden figures" is a little-known story about these three african women, african-american women who were vital to the space program. in fact, one was the difference between john glenn going up. and a lot of times, people are lost in the pages of history, but the story has been found, and i play a supporting role in it. and just like "black or white," it's something i wanted to put forth and be part of, so i hope you check that out. >> seth: i can't wait, and again, it's really -- yes, please. [ applause ] i've known -- obviously, we've
known your work for so long. i really can't say how fun it was to this film, "criminals," and see you doing something i feel like i haven't seen you do before, so congratulations. >> thank you. thank you. >> seth: it's really a lot of fun and exciting. [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much for being back on the show. >> all right, bud. >> seth: kevin costner, everybody. "criminal" opens in theaters friday. we'll be back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ eers and applause ] ♪ all the best stuff happens in the dark. there's dancing and music in the dark. people are younger and better looking in the dark. see? people wear their most stylish and glamorous clothes in the dark. in the dark, people gain an irrational sense of invincibility. bowling is less sad, and making out is much more likely. so if all this good stuff happens in the dark, wouldn't you want a camera that can capture things... ...in the dark? the new galaxy s7 edge with low-light camera. ♪
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season two finale tomorrow night. let's take a look. >> a friend from the morgue has been cut off from her brain supply. she needs a loaner to tide her over. something about the apocalypse? >> you know the so called chaos killer. >> yeah. caught the zombie killing son of a bitch. >> yeah, well he's a zombie himself. and if he doesn't get out after jail soon, he's going to get his brains the old fashioned zombie way. 24 hours later, you'll be the savvy businessman selling sand in the sahara. >> oh, god. okay, i get it. you can have all you need. >> great, thank you. >> just sign up for the brain plan, 25 grand a month. i mean, we now take bitcoin. >> seth: please welcome to the show, rose mciver. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome, i'm so happy you're hear.
of the way, obviously, you are not a zombie in real life. you play a zombie on tv. >> true. >> seth: but even harder, you play someone with an american accent on television, which it's very clear you don't have. was that a hard thing to figure out? >> growing up in new zealand, you hear a lot of american accents on film and television. so that was always kind of a -- just something that i heard. but i discovered it's been most useful lately with the dictation feature on the phone. so i record now with this like slow pained american accent so they don't misunderstand me. and it only stunned me the other day, when i went to record on one the apps, these different kind apps that will send me to new zealand and various places. and i recorded to a friend who's going through a very big existential kinda crisis right now. i was like, you must stay centered, comma. and then i like, went in saying kinda like, this is a big decision, period. and i went to send it and realized it just recorded a voice message. >> seth: oh, no. [ laughter ]
friend to a lot more anxiety than he was already in. [ laughter ] >> seth: he was like whatever i'm going through is nothing compared to whatever you're going through. >> like called my mom, and he's like, "you need to check in on her." >> seth: you know you are saying punctuation out loud. [ laughter ] another thing, obviously, that you'll have to go through every day is makeup to look like a zombie. [ laughter ] what is that process like? what is -- how do they zombify a person like you? >> so i have an amazing makeup artist, amber trudeau, who makes me super pale and creates this like dark eye makeup around my eyes. and we have this look that we established. and it used to take an hour and 45 minutes. and after being in vancouver, for two years it actually -- we've really refined it down to about an hour. >> seth: right. >> just over an hour. >> seth: 'cause you are not getting sun there? >> 'cause i'm not getting any sun at all. [ laughter ] and then in an episode a couple of weeks ago that aired, i had to go undercover in a disguise and i'm supposed to look sort of healthy and long, blond hair. and it took longer to create that look and make me look like
girl. [ light laughter ] i'm starting to worry. >> seth: yeah. you're becoming your character a little bit. now, tonight show's is a lot of people talking about projects where the brain science is not on the nose. because on this show you play a coroner. yes? >> mm-hmm. >> seth: you work in a coroner's office. you eat dead people's brains and then you can see their memories and help solve their murders. >> i know, i read it, i was like, "it's like every other show this season." [ laughter ] typical. but what's been amazing is we work with this morgue's like consultants. this woman who is so good. she should be our comedy consultant. >> seth: yeah. >> you have to have a really dark sense of humor to do that. and she was telling us like, some of the stuff that they do, we're in a police morgue. and she says when new detectives come in to her morgue, they put on the "x- files" soundtrack and wait to see how long it takes the detectives to notice. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's good times. >> yeah. >> seth: you eat a lot of brains on the show. what are you actually eating? >> it's like gelatin, coconut --
>> seth: yeah. >> we covered in corn syrup. it's not delicious at all, but what we are doing now is like hiding it in other recipes. so we did like clams casino one week, that was amazing. [ laughter ] and then recently -- >> seth: would you believe that doesn't sound amazing? >> oh, really? [ laughter ] trust me, when you've been eating brains and you move on to clams casino, it's super. >> seth: you have to start very far away to make brains as clams sound great. [ laughter ] >> things have changed for me now. but we did a broth the other day. a chili broth thing that was so good that i actually took the recipe. >> seth: really? >> yeah. i mean, i leave the brain chunks out at home. but the broth itself was really good. >> seth: well, there you go. what an interesting thing to learn on the set of a zombie show. [ laughter ] now, another show you were on "power rangers." which did you shoot that in new zealand? >> i shot that -- yeah, about 20 minutes from where i grew up. >> seth: okay, gotcha. and now, so you work on -- how many years, how long ago was that? >> that was about six years ago. >> seth: okay, gotcha. and do you find people recognize you from your time as a power ranger? >> yeah.
new zealand. "power rangers" wasn't airing there. but when i came to the states, it was always strange the people who -- like very telling, you know. some friends 40-year-old uncle would be like, "hang on a minute, i know you from 'power rangers.'" [ light laughter ] i was like, "that aired a couple years ago. [ light laughter ] what were you doing watching 'power rangers?'" >> seth: i mean, i don't recognize you from anything. jump out the window. [ laughter ] and then, i know you do a lot of stunts for yourself on "izombie," but you had a different stunt person on "izombie" -- i'm sorry, on "power rangers." >> on "power rangers," yeah. every time i put on the big yellow helmet, i would actually turn into a small japanese man. >> seth: really? [ laughter ] >> yeah. i guess they wanted to make the job as easy as possible. [ laughter ] and they had to stuff him with breasts and hips and a butt. and i was always like, embarrassed running into him in the lunch line and he's wearing like -- sorry. [ laughter ] but he wasn't available for "izombie" so -- >> seth: there you go. i guess next time they are trying to make you look like you've been in the sunshine,
butt. [ laughter ] >> exactly. there's bigger problems in the world. >> seth: there are bigger problems in the world. thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. >> seth: it's a pleasure talking to you. congratulations on the second season. >> thank you. >> seth: give it up for rose mciver, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] the season two finale of "izombie" airs tomorrow night on the cw. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ the nissan rogue with intuitive all-wheel drive. take on the unexpected. drop that beat♪
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proud of the process that we have here. now, on other shows, the writers, what they do is they read the news, then write jokes that correspond to the news stories. but our writers, what they do is they come up with their punchlines first, without reading the news at all. then they write the bunch lines down on little pieces of scrap paper and throw them into something we call the joke bucket. [ light laughter ] now, then when something happens in the news, what i do is i read through the punchlines and find the right one to go with the story. now we've shown our audience the process a few times on the show before. and good news, it's time to write new jokes. so i've got my news cards here. and let's get started. all right, here we go. when -- thank you, barely. [ laughter ] all right. "when endorsing donald trump for president, dr. ben carson said there are 'two different trumps.'" okay, that's our news story. so we look in here, lets find ourselves a punchline. "chipotle employees claimed it wasn't the first time they dealt
not bad, but it doesn't fit. [ light laughter ] all right, here we go. let's try another one. "and you know how to catholic church feels about tugging your bishop." [ laughter ] again, doesn't fit. not right, here we go, we can do this. "when endorsing donald trump for president, dr. ben carson said said there are 'two different trumps,' 'wait, i don't have to sleep with both of them, right,' asked melania." there we go. that's a joke. [ cheers and applause ] so when we complete a joke, all we have to do is we staple the two parts together like this, i give it a stamp of approval, and then i ring the bell. [ ding ] and then put it in what? i put it in the completed joke bucket. there you go. [ laughter ] that's our system, super, super easy. some people say writing jokes with buckets is insane. well, i think if you write jokes with note pads and computers, you're out of your damn gourd. [ light laughter ] let's move on to the next one. all right, here we go. here's the news story. "an engineering team in england created a blueprint for a commercial plane to hold 1,000 passengers." okay, shouldn't be too hard. let's get looking into the punchlines. "the two women couldn't car pool to the king's ball because they hadn't legalized same-sex carriage."
nope, that's not going to work. [ light laughter ] here we go. let's try another one. "'maybe let's take the stairs,' said chris christie's belt." nope, not quite right. [ laughter ] let's try another one. "stay tuned for carson daly." okay, this is interesting. that actually goes in my stay tuned for carson daly bucket. [ light laughter ] a lot of people ask, "why even have a bucket with the phrase 'stay tuned for carson daly' since you say it every night?" well, as my grandpappy used to say, "you chuck it in a bucket." so that's why i got an extra bucket. [ light laughter ] also, when i say grandpappy, i don't mean my grandpa, i mean an old dude we called grandpappy who lived outside our house and used to chuck stuff in buckets. [ light laughter ] okay. [ laughter ] "an engineering team in england created a blueprint for a commercial plane that can hold up to 1,000 passengers. it's a spirit airline plane with 200 seats." there we go, everybody. [ light laughter ] boom, that's a joke. [ applause ] so what do we do? we staple it and stamp it and ring the joke bell. all right. then it's very important for a
cigarsto celebrate that a new joke has been born. [ laughter ] that hand belongs to the "late night" joke monster. >> congratulations, seth, on the birth of your beautiful baby. >> seth: thank you, crankgor. congratulations on the birth of your baby. >> thank you, seth. i already ate him. >> seth: crankgor! >> it is our custom. >> seth: get out of here. >> bye. [ light laughter ] >> seth: okay. so we take our completed joke and put it in the joke bucket. [ cheers and applause ] this is so much fun, i could do it all day, but unfortunately we only have time for one more. here we go. "a stripper in wisconsin was arrested after reportedly biting a man's crotch in the middle of a lap dance." whoo-hoo-hoo! [ light laughter ] this should be good. let's take a look. "even worse one of the cats ended up joining meow qaeda." [ laughter ] that's not good. "while the least healthy city in america is cankles, texas." no, that's not good. all right. here we go. [ laughter ] willing suspension of disbelief.
"said the men's room attendant, 'i'm the craptain now.'" [ light laughter ] that's terrible. all right, here we go. "a stripper in wisconsin was arrested after reportedly biting a man's crotch in the middle of a lap dance. at least he left" -- oh wait. hold on. seems to be out of jokes. [ light laughter ] i got screwed up by the number of jokes in the bucket. [ laughter ] [ applause ] what happened? oh, no! i'm out of jokes! [ laughter ] people at home are gonna start thinking this isn't how we write our jokes. [ light laughter ] well, when you are out of jokes, you just go over to the joke engine room. [ cheers and applause ] now, as you can see, these two workers are shoveling coal into the joke furnace.
the coal is then burned into jokes. how is it going, fellas? >> pick up the pace, shamus. mr. meyers needs his punchline. >> i'm going as fast as i can. >> seth: hey guys, how's it going down here? >> oh, it's 1,000 degrees and me lungs are filled with coal. >> seth: fantastic. [ whistle blows ] >> oh, here comes the punchline, mr. meyers. this should be a good one. [ light laughter ] [ ding ] >> seth: thank you very much, gentlemen, now get back to work. [ cheers and applause ] okay. here we go. "a stripper in wisconsin was arrested after reportedly biting a man's crotch in the middle of a lap dance. at least he left a tip." there we go. [ cheers and applause ] that's a joke. so we staple it. we stamp it. we ring the bell and then we take out the joke gun with the comedy flag that says bang and we shoot it. [ gun shot ] [ light laer
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody! we're here with the host of viceland's new series, "[ bleep ], that's delicious," rapper and chef, action bronson. welcome to the show! [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, buddy. thank you for having me. >> seth: all right. we're gonna make one of your favorite dishes here, octopus, yeah? >> one of my favorites in the world. i only become acquainted with the octopus recently. >> seth: really? >> i didn't eat seafood growing up for some reason. i was scared of it. >> seth: okay. >> but now, that i've traveled, and i'm seeing these things, and i'm diving with them, and i'm swng
>> seth: that makes you want to eat them? >> yes. [ laughter ] so let me start by pouring you a beautiful glass of some sicilian -- >> seth: thank you. >> farm-raised, farm-batched made beautiful stuff. >> seth: that's great. >> some funky -- >> seth: what is this? this look like some rosé? >> it is some rosé. >> seth: okay, great. >> oh, look at you. excuse me. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] swirl the wine in the glass? >> oh, of course. >> seth: with the elegant musk, right? >> there it is. >> seth: there you go. >> so you know what's going on. >> seth: i know what's going on. >> ah, you smell that? it's the hills. it's the mountains. it's the lava. >> seth: yeah, i got hills and lava. i didn't get any mountains. [ laughter ] >> it's gonna go perfect with this gorgeous thing. >> seth: okay, great. >> with this creature of the sea. >> seth: all right, so there we go. >> we got a beautiful octopus right here. >> seth: beautiful. it is beautiful. >> this one was grabbed by a 57-year-old greek man in kips bay. >> seth: all right. [ laughter ] >> yeah, so what we -- >> seth: greek men -- this is true. greek men jump off the back of the boats for dinner. >> that's a guarantee. >> seth: bare-handed snatch up an octopus, they're a winner. >> 100 percent.
and now, tell me, was this one of the ones you swam with? >> yes, this was he. [ laughter ] this is him. >> seth: okay, great, so -- >> i put him in a choke hold, and it was over. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right. so, how do we grill it up? >> oh, that was good. all right. so, what we're gonna do is we're gonna remove the head. >> seth: how do you remove it? >> just cut him off, boom. >> seth: okay. there we go. great. okay. >> it's over. >> seth: all right. that's definitely not the way i cut. >> cut him off. >> seth: okay, great. >> ah! >> seth: okay, good. [ laughter ] >> all right. so, now you have this. you put it in this beautiful dish, whatever you want to call this. i don't know what that is. >> seth: we'll go with beautiful dish. >> all right. so you take the cork from the wine. you throw it in there. >> seth: okay. >> you got some chilis, some jalapenos over here, some garlic. >> seth: oh, this, is good. great. >> nuts. >> seth: this is nuts. what's the cork in there for, action? >> it's to soften it. usually, the greek men, they take it off the boat, and they just beat it. >> seth: uh-huh. >> they start beating it to tenderize it, but i'm not -- that's inhumane. [ laughter ] so what we're going to do is, we're just gonna cover it with tinfoil, 330 for two hours.
it's gonna be succulent like you can't believe. >> seth: okay, great. >> then you have this here -- >> seth: okay. >> nice and cool. >> seth: gotcha. >> there's a lot of liquid in there. >> seth: but i do want to point out the cork is in there. >> it's in there. it's in there. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right. >> you take that out. you cool it for a little bit. you have that there. >> seth: okay, so this is what it looks like. this is -- so that's -- well, how long was it there? two hours? >> two hours. 330 degrees. >> seth: and then, it cools, and then, it looks like this. >> fahrenheit, not celsius. >> seth: okay, great. thank you. >> now we have this going. >> seth: if you have a celsius oven, just figure it out. [ laughter ] >> google it. we got the grill pan going here. >> seth: okay, that's great. >> we don't even need tongs. my hands are made of asbestos. [ laughter ] >> seth: how crispy -- how crispy do you like your octopus? >> it has to be charred beyond belief. >> seth: okay. >> so it's like a bagel, you know? you have to have it really crispy on the top. >> seth: their a bagel of the sea? >> it is a bagel of the sea. [ laughter ] so i believe that this is finished right now. >> seth: this is finished? great. >> yeah. we're gonna take this off. >> seth: okay. >> there it is. oh, look at it. it's falling apart. look, it's gorgeous. >> seth: is that good when it's falling apart? >> yeah, for octopus, you don't want it all nasty and leathery. >> seth: yep, that goes for most
[ laughter ] >> whatever. whatever. >> seth: all right. here we go. >> seth: okay. >> throw baby on the plate. >> seth: okay. and some lemon. >> seth: okay. >> squeeze it over. >> seth: gotcha. okay, great. >> some gorgeous olive oil. >> seth: okay. you know, we've have had a lot of chefs on the show. you're definitely the one that touched the food the most. [ laughter ] >> oh, thank you. [ applause ] i'm serious about this. i'm really cooking here. hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. get a little of that salt right there. just a little finishing salt. >> seth: great, okay. >> how do you feel? tell me how you feel about it. >> seth: you didn't even bring silverware. [ laughter ] >> what do you need silverware for? >> seth: i don't. i'm good. >> oh, oh! >> seth: this is really good. yeah. cheers. >> cheers, my brother. [ applause ] this is -- let's be honest. is this not the softest octopus you ever had in your life? >> seth: that's the softest octopus i've ever had in my life. so now, your show, which is on vice, how many episodes in your first season? how many did you do? >> eight episodes, "[ bleep ], that's delicious." we have about 15 on the internet. >> seth: mm-hmm. we signed up for another 12. we are moving out here.
[ cheers and applause ] >> we got rap music coming. we got all types of stuff coming. >> seth: that's right. you got a new mix coming. yep >> yep. >> seth: that's very exciting. it's called "blue chips 7,000." >> seth: "blue chips 7,000." so, you skipped from 2 to 7,000? >> yeah. >> seth: i know you had, 1, 2, 7,000. >> i did 1, 2. now, i'm so beyond that. i'm at 7000. [ laughter ] oh! >> seth: oh! >> this is so -- [ grunts ] >> seth: well, don't not say [ bleep ], now. >> have it with that. have it with that. >> seth: it's in the title of your show. >> have it with that. >> seth: all right, great. >> my brother. great. >> seth: very good. [ laughter ] i want to say this, too, you are of everybody who raps, you are the food rapper. you have wonderful rhymes about food. >> well, thank you because i really lived this. before i ever touched a pen to rap, i was cooking in kitchens all over new york. >> seth: and then, what happened? you were going to be a chef. and then, what happened that made you go into rap? >> i broke my leg, and i just had a couple of issues, and rap seemed cooler. [ laughter ] >> seth: right. >> but now, this is -- [ laughter ] trust me, it's not. this is much cooler. >> seth: yeah, well i would say the combo of the both, i would say, not since biggie smalls has somebody combined lyricism of food.
>> well, thank you. >> seth: yeah. >> that means a lot. >> seth: i'm a big fan of -- i was a fan of your music, and this is the first time i've had your food. and i gotta say i'm on board. >> you hear that? [ laughter ] let's go! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: "[ bleep ], that's delicious" airs thursday nights on viceland. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back. [ yells ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪