tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC May 21, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EDT
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- kenan thompson, from "two broke girls," actress beth behrs, music from thomas rhett. featuring the 8g band with eric kretz. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] yeah. that's good to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. house speaker paul ryan today defended himself against criticism from fellow republicans over his reluctance to endorse donald trump and said, quote, "i just want to get to know the guy." "us, too," said eric and donald, jr.
[ laughter ] [ applause ] donald trump announced today that if he wins the presidency, chris christie will lead his transition team and help put together the trump administration. because if there's anything christie knows how to do, it's fill a cabinet. [ audience oohs ] [ laughter and applause ] in an apparent swipe at donald trump, president obama said in a recent interview that the election process is a serious matter because running the country is not a reality show. added obama, "and i don't care if that offends people, because i am not here to make friends." [ laughter and applause ] a recent study found that bernie sanders' economic plan would add $18 trillion to the national debt. the study was conducted by famed economist millary flinton. [ laughter ]
she claims she double-checked it. [ cheers and applause ] when has millary ever been wrong? north korea's ruling political party announced today that they will be giving leader kim jong un a new title. i'm going to guess -- is it the heavyweight title? [ laughter ] this weekend was the kentucky derby, with nyquist coming in first, exaggerator coming in second and -- this is crazy -- jeb coming in last. [ laughter ] too low energy. [ applause ] didn't have the energy for it. a statue of a kneeling child-sized adolf hitler sold at auction this weekend for $17 million. said the man who bought it, "happy mother's day?" [ laughter ] angelina jolie is reportedly considering a career in politics. well, she'll certainly have the votes. [ laughter and applause ]
this weekend at age 42, mets pitcher bartolo colon became the oldest player to hit his first career home run, though it definitely looks like he's had a few grand slams. [ laughter ] [ applause ] absolutely the best moment of the weekend. congratulations to bartolo. x-men producer simon kinberg has announced the next x-men installment will take place in the '90s, and you'll never guess who they're fighting. [ audience ohs ] you'd pay -- you'd tickets for that. [ laughter ] you pay tickets? you pay money for tickets is how you say it. but i tried to trick you. [ laughter ] i'd like to pay two tickets for this movie, please. [ light laughter ] court officials in mexico announced today that in prison, drug lord el chapo can be legally extradited to the u.s. of course, in the u.s. he'll be known as "the chap." [ laughter ]
my spanish is really good. [ applause ] ozzy and sharon osbourne have reportedly split up after 33 years together. friends say they just can't understand why, because ozzy's the one who told them. [ laughter ] florida wildlife officials were called to a woman's home last week after she found a nine-foot alligator in her swimming pool. officials said the gator must have weighed over 300 pounds because it was wearing a t-shirt in the pool. [ laughter ] [ applause ] we did it. a wheelchair basketball game in germany had to be called off this weekend after 60 fans attacked each other with knives and baseball bats. on the plus side, it sounds like they should have some more players for the next game.
[ applause ] and finally, a japanese artist has been found not guilty of obscenity after she made and rode around tokyo in a kayak 3-d printed to resemble her vagina. no such luck for the guy who is with out there in his dinghy. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have -- [ cheers and applause ] -- a great show for you tonight. from snl, my old friend, one of my favorites, kenan thompson is back on the show, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] you know her from "two broke girls," and she's starring in a new off-broadway show, "a funny thing happened on the way to the gynecologic oncology unit of memorial sloan kettering center of new york city." beth behrs is joining us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and we'll have music from country music singer/songwriter thomas rhett. [ cheers and applause ] did everybody have a good mother's day? [ cheers ]
this was the first year -- because we had a baby six weeks ago, so it was the first year that my wife -- [ cheers and applause ] yeah. the first year that my wife was a mother, which meant it was the first year that i could turn over to the woman i woke up next to in bed and say, "happy mother's day" without it being super creepy. [ laughter ] moving on, donald trump has been the presumptive gop nominee for about a week, and already he's reversed his positions on some of the biggest economic issues of the 2016 campaign. meanwhile, many republican politicians have changed their positions as well, on trump himself. but before we get to that, trump made a very good point this morning on cnn when chris cuomo opened his interview about asking trump about attacking hillary clinton. >> we have a panel of independent voters. they are smart as heck. and most of them don't like it. they see it as a distraction. they see it as hypocritical
see it as potential proof that you may have no real ideas to offer as president. what is your thinking on this line of attack? >> well, this is a nice way to start off the interview. first of all, you should congratulate me for having won the race. i thought, you know, at least there'd be a small congratulations. but i'm not surprised with cnn because that's the way they treat trump. >> seth: you know, at first i saw that and i thought, "how dare you not congratulate him, you monster?" [ light laughter ] but then i realized that we at "late night" talk about trump all the time but we haven't congratulated him either. so, if you're watching, mr. trump, congratulations. you did it. you are a big boy who did a big boy thing. [ laughter ] and we -- [ applause ] we are so, so -- [ bleep ] proud of you. [ laughter ] and now that that's out of the
look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: now, in some ways trump reversing himself as soon as he wrapped up the nomination might be the least surprising development of the campaign. in fact, he openly warned us that he could transform himself into anything he wanted to. >> as i get closer and closer to the goal, it's going to get different. once you get to a certain level, it changes. i will be changing very rapidly. i'm very capable of changing to anything i want to change to. >> seth: "i can change to anything i want to change to." trump talks to voters like the mysterious bad boy in every teen drama. [ laughter ] >> who are you? >> whoever you want me to be. [ light laughter ] >> okay. >> seth: now, to be fair, this is a ritual that plays out every four years for candidates on both sides of the aisle. after winning the nomination, there's a pivot to the general election. usually campaigns try not to be so blatant about it but there have been exceptions, like when an adviser to mitt romney famously said this in 2012. >> i think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign.
etch-a-sketch. you can kind of shake it up and we start all over again. >> seth: and that hurt romney because gaffes used to hurt politicians. unlike today when the trump campaign runs on gaffe-oline. "mr. trump, we need to court hispanics." "i'll tweet a photo of me and a taco bowl. problem solved." [ laughter and applause ] but unlike romney, trump is no etch-a-sketch. trump is a magic eight ball. you shake it up and you get one answer. shake it again and you get something completely different. for example, people across the country have been calling for a raise in the minimum wage to $15 an hour. could trump be sympathetic to that? well, shake the magic trump ball one week, you'll get this. >> i can't be, neil. taxes too high, wages too high. we're not going to be able to compete against the world. >> so, do not raise the minimum wage? >> i would not raise the minimum. >> seth: but now trump has wrapped up the nomination, so when you shake the magic trump ball this time, what do you get? >> you can't live on $7.25. >> no.
that, because i'm very different from most republicans. i mean, you have to have something that you can live on. >> if you were president, what would you recommend? >> i'm looking at it. but i don't -- >> but you're open to raising the minimum wage? >> i'm open to doing something with it. >> seth: and when confronted with his latest contradiction, trump went to his go-to dodge, just let the states decide. >> i would like to see an increase of some magnitude, but i'd rather leave it to states. i'd rather have the states go out and do what they have to do. and the states compete with each other, not only other countries, but they compete with each other, chuck. so i like the idea of let the states decide. >> seth: what? why do you want the states to compete with each other? we did that already and it did not go great. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] famously. and it isn't just the minimum wage where the magic trump ball contradicted himself this week. it was also trump's proposal to slash taxes for the highest earners. under trump's plan, the top 0.1% of household would see their annual tax bill fall by 19%. but on sunday,
george stephanopoulos took his turn shaking the ball and, once again, got a completely different answer. >> bottom line, do you want taxes on the wealthy to go up or down? >> they will go up a little bit. and they may go up, you know -- >> but they're going down in your plan. >> no, no, in my plan they're going down. but by the time it's negotiated, they'll go up. [ audience ohs ] >> seth: that's the great thing about my plan, george, it goes up and down. if i'm being honest, i wouldn't rule out side to side either. we're going to have all the directions. [ laughter ] we're gonna have all the directions. it's a great plan. [ applause ] now, these flip-flops are unlikely to upset many trump supporters, but there is one thing about trump's campaign that his voters do seem to care very much about -- self-funding. as trump and his supporters have said many, many times. >> i'm self-funding my campaign. nobody's going to be taking care of me. i don't want anybody's money. when you take that money, those people own you. >> out of all of the candidates, name one who had a million dollar judgment against him for hiring illegal aliens. >> name one.
>> donald trump -- >> self-funded. >> uh -- >> that's right. >> okay so -- >> not you. >> so you like rich people who buy politicians? >> where is your goldman sachs jacket at? we know your wife works there. >> seth: first of all, i doubt goldman sachs gives out jackets. [ laughter ] they're a big bank, not the pink ladies. [ laughter ] now, trump has actually taken some donations and he only loaned his campaign his own money so he could pay himself back. still, the claim that he's self-funding was central to his campaign, but if you shake the magic trump ball now, what do you get? >> donald trump is saying that he will not be self-funding his campaign for president as he goes on. instead, he is looking to raise about $1 billion. >> donald trump will now play the money game. the trump campaign announcing a national finance chairman as they head into the general election. steve mnuchin will head up those efforts. he's a former goldman sachs partner. >> seth: goldman sachs? [ light laughter ] maybe trump's gonna get one of those jackno
[ laughter ] [ applause ] and if you're wondering which pink lady he is, he's definitely a rizzo. [ light laughter ] definitely a rizzo. so after spending months bashing special interests, trump has hired a former goldman sachs partner who will have to appeal to the very same gop donors trump dissed. but if anyone seems willing to accept trump's sudden change of heart, it's the gop establishment. because even as many in the party have sworn never to back him, others are falling in line, despite spending the entire primary season bashing him. here's just a small sampling of what republicans said about trump before. >> donald trump is a narcissist and he's an egomaniac. he's nonserious. he's a carnival act. >> how could anyone in my party think that this clown is fit to be president? >> donald trump now is sounding like a left-wing michael moore whacko. >> all of this stuff is just -- to me makes unqualified to be president. >> donald trump's candidacy is a cancer on conservatism. >> seth: so donald trump is a nonserious, narcissistic whacko clown who's unqualified to be
there's no way you can support someone like that for president, right? >> if he is the nominee, i will be voting for him. i will be supporting him. >> you know, i have always said i'll endorse the nominee. >> i'm supporting him as the nominee. and i will vote for him. >> seth: but not you, rick perry, right? i mean, you called him a cancer. >> will you support donald trump? >> sure. i've said it from the get-go. [ laughter ] >> seth: so basically you're saying -- >> i'm rick perry and i approve this cancer. [ laughter ] >> seth: this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
keep it up... with delta in2ition plus h2okinetic, you can. see what delta can do. turns out lemon juice doesn't cure pink eye. hi. how are you doing today? that's how i am. red head fred. ultra rare. i collect these too. nah, these are for my dog because he can never decide which one he wants until he gets home, so... presenting the american express blue cash everyday card with cash back on purchases and no annual fee. my only concern is that this is where we put food. a dog's foot is cleaner than a human's mouth. that's what they say. is it? cleaner than my mouth. cash back on purchases. backed by the service and security of american express.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. please give it up for the 8g band right over there. best band in late night. [ cheers ] also, sitting in all week with the 8g band from the grammy award winning rock band stone temple pilots, eric kretz is with us this week. [ cheers and applause ] be sure to check out the album that started all for stp, their multi-platinum smash "core." thank you so much for being here. >> you're welcome. [ cheers and applause ]
>> seth: really appreciate it, eric. now, last year, i've mentioned this before, but last year i'm going through my attic and i found my old video game system, the first one i owned called the jorbus. for those of you who forgot the jorbus it was made by the now out of business department store montgomery ward. let me show you guys. here's the old montgomery ward jorbus. that's probably ringing the old memory bells. now ever since i dug it out, i've been playing it nonstop. and i have to say video games are great today but a lot of these games were fantastic. so let's take a look at some of them in a segment we're calling "old video games." [ applause ] >> seth: first up, i love a good fighting game. jorbus had the classic fighting game called "horse cop." now, in this game you play an nypd horse cop fighting his way through new york city. you had different ways to attack. you can hit a, to kick, you can hit b, there's your "a" right here. there's a kick. "b," very good for the tail whip. d
"b," you get a special move where you relieve yourself. so much fun. up next, classic jorbus game called "little rascals." now, when this came out people just assumed it was a game about the 1930s black and white filmed called "the little rascals." but in fact it was a racing game where you race the little rascals mobility scooters for the elderly. now the object of the game is to race through an old country buffet. you can jump the ramp for extra points or snag an oxygen tank for a power up. and the goal is to be first in line for soup. [ laughter ] so kids loved it. up next, actually speaking of kids, this is a game looking at now younger viewers might not even understand. the game, of course, was called "telephone cord." it was a top seller. in this game you play a person on a landline phone who has to make it all the way upstairs to find a pen and a piece of paper but if you stretch the cord too
far, look out, because you get snapped back to the receiver. so much fun. [ applause ] this next game -- yeah, give it up for "telephone cord." the next game we have is based on america's captivation with wall street in the 1980s. it's called "snort man." in this game you play a wall street guy who loves to snort what the game calls bank dust. the goal is to snort as much bank dust as you can, but watch out because us have to avoid the securities exchange commission agents. so much fun. and i know some of you are saying that's not snort dust, that's cocaine. well, look at the box where it very clearly says -- not cocaine. it's bank dust. it even says disclaimer. so you know it's serious. oh, my god, you guys like roller coasters? [ cheers ] up next was probably my favorite game called "roller coaster line."
45 minutes in a line for a rollercoaster. that's it. that's it. [ applause ] i cannot tell you how fun that game is. because it's not fun. [ light laughter ] the next game needs a little setup. remember michael jackson's pet chimpanzee bubbles that lived with him at the neverland ranch? >> yes. >> do you remember all the other stuff? well forget about that because this game is based on bubbles, and it's called "bubbles escape." now in this game you play bubbles the chimp and you have to escape from the neverland ranch. you have to avoid michael jackson's moon walking henchmen, and then in order to beat the game, you had to defeat michael jackson himself. you had to dodge gold records and hit him on the head three times. and then you escape. so much fun. [ applause ] the last game we w
of its time. it's called "trump empire." in this game you play donald trump. the goal of the game so to crush buildings like schools, hospitals and churches. and build trump towers in its place. >> gorgeous. >> seth: the more people you displace the more points you get. so give it up for the jorbus, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back. with kenan thompson. ♪ yeah a little further back. there you go. which urgent care do you want to try this time? this one's only a mile away. oooo, and it's in-network. this is our best idea yet. steve! steve! steve! so close.
ons and compare costs. that's my husband. let me try this. second time's a charm. oh there goes mine. unitedhealthcare ♪ one♪coat, yes! one coat guaranteed marquee interior. behr's most advanced paint. get the best paint for any budget and save 10 or 40 bucks. only at the home depot. fortit was impossible tought brew a great tasting light beer. so we got to brewing and told them to sip on this. the original light beer. spelled different because it's brewed different. no way, it's a chevy. oh wow! it's the chevy memorial day sale. time to get the crossover that's right for you. trax, equinox, or traverse. it's very impressive. it's awesome. this is incredible. it'd be a good road trip car. the wi-fi is cool. it's fancy. i love it.
ale. current qualified competitive lessees can get this chevy equinox lt for around $189 a month. plus find your tag and get an additional $500 lease cash on select equinox vehicles in stock. that's socially acceptable. on what you do, that's fine. or - you can put an exclamation point on it! like new chips ahoy! soft chunky cookies. they're soft and chunky... ...but also soft and chunky! made with - dove men+care. the strength test.
like leather, skin is stronger when it's hydrated. that's why dove men+care bodywash has a unique hydrating formula to leave skin healthier and stronger. help you experience this world? oh man i've only been to one place! oh i have a great idea maybe i can go to the rainforest. any ideas for my little one's first big trip. every mastercard world card comes with a concierge who can help you book a dream trip, arrange experiences and much more. hey, you're going to need more of these. learn more at priceless.com/world
host and musical guest drake. please welcome back to the show our very good friend kenan thompson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: hi, buddy, how are you? >> pilots. >> seth: yeah. >> pilots in the house. >> seth: you're excited about this? you're excited about the stone temple pilots in the house. ♪ when i'm here >> seth: i would not -- ♪ >> seth: i would have not pegged you as a pilots guy. >> well, actually, i just googled it. [ laughter ] but that's mad love though. i remember those songs. stone temple pilots. now listen up. >> seth: there you go. i want to talk to you about
as a resource. as i mention i'm six weeks into this being a dad. you're two years now. >> congratulations, yeah. >> seth: baby georgia, i've seen photos. a beautiful girl. >> yeah, she'll be two in june. >> seth: what do i have to look forward to? what's two like for you right now? >> stinky poops. >> seth: okay. i keep hearing that. >> you guys know all you parents out there. >> seth: that's the thing they don't tell you until after you have the baby. >> it's adorable in the beginning. and then they actually start eating real things. it becomes a real problem. [ laughter ] but you know, it's a give and take. because they're awesome. they start talking and she's doing her numbers now. >> seth: is she good at her numbers? >> she's very good. they're out of order. but she says them, nine and eight and five. like, yes. three. sure. we'll just throw them out there. [ laughter ] and you kind of wait. >> seth: you know what? never take her to an auction because she could be somebody who just starts bidding. >> nine. my daughter. you shouldn't take a bid from a child anyway. >> seth: this is very exciting because, very sad, there's only
>> yeah it has been a great season. thank you. >> seth: your summer plans you're going to be doing maya rudolph, martin short have a variety show that's going to be on this summer. >> that's right. >> seth: and you're going to be on that. >> maya and marty hour. >> seth: yeah. >> it's going to be awesome. >> seth: that's exciting when does that -- that's six episodes this summer? >> so far. >> seth: okay. >> we shall see what happens. >> seth: hey, i'll take more. >> but yeah, we had a first table read for it like an hour ago. it was awesome. so look forward to that. maya rudolph and martin short. it's gonna good. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and you and maya, of course, long history. >> maya and i are very close. i love her dearly. i would do anything for her. i owe her my life. she gave me my first moment on snl. >> seth: your first sketch was with maya? >> yeah, she came to me the very first week because i guess bill cosby and wanda sykes had a weird interaction at the emmys that year. we should do that. and it was awesome. >> seth: what was the interaction? >> like wanda sykes was hosting, and you know, she's doing bits, you know what i mean and she tried to do the thing with
like nothing. you know what i'm saying? he was just being a dick. but, you know, in our version i ended up punching her in the face. [ laughter ] >> seth: how prescient. >> yeah. >> seth: and then this year you did something which i'm always curious about, you've been doing al sharpton for years. >> yes. >> seth: and you did a sketch. you had him on as a guest while you played al sharpton. >> yes. >> seth: so it's double sharpton. >> yes, it was double sharpton. >> seth: how was he? did he have notes on the sharpton sketch? >> he was super nonchalant about it. he was like i'm cool, bro. alright, do you have anything to say about it? i'll see you tomorrow. [ laughter ] okay, cool. but the ultimate compliment when you do an impression of somebody and then they come on the show and you get to do it with them or whatever. >> seth: that's an ultimate compliment. you got a compliment as well from david ortiz. you've been doing big papi on the update desk absolutely. [ cheers ] >> i know we're in new york, but i love that dude. >> seth: i love big papi, too, obviously, dear to my heart. i text to joe every su
behind the update desk is when somebody comes out and does a feature that funny. and big papi, one of the things you do is you talk about new products. >> yes. he sponsors a lot of ships. [ laughter ] >> seth: and one of the things he sponsors, well first of all, here you are as big papi. it's a fantastic look. you got it down. >> big papi. >> seth: and then one of the items was iguana knocks. >> yes. >> seth: which was a gym for iguanas. >> yes. [ light laughter ] you like working out at the gym but you wish there was a bunch of lizards in there, too? [ light laughter ] come to iguana knocks. >> seth: and then david ortiz tweeted, "hey, keenan, found the first member of our gym." and it's a picture of him an a iguana. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> it was awesome. that was the best time we'd ever done it. >> seth: have you -- and i heard you have some -- david ortiz has some new products. do you want to share with us? >> i absolutely do. >> seth: okay, great. >> you know i do a -- i asked for a mojocks. >> seth: mojocks? >> yeah, mojocks.
did you like looking like dwight howard and mr. t? try a mojock. it's like a hair but they forget the sides. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's good, mojocks. >> yeah, i also do ads for slow ass pandas. >> seth: slow ass pandas. >> yeah. slow ass pandas. do you like panda express but it's too fast? [ laughter ] come to slow ass pandas. [ cheers and applause ] should i continue? >> seth: yeah. >> there's more. they are pandas that are so slow you can just reach out and take a bite, but don't worry, they don't mind because their brains are slow, too. >> seth: wait, do you think panda express serves panda? >> yeah, bro. that's why they're always trying to get their employees to have the sex so they can have some more babies. >> seth: wait. so the employees are pandas, too?
[ light laughter ] >> seth: got anything else? >> i also start a new dating website. >> seth: a new dating website? >> yeah. it's called go outside. [ light laughter ] do you want to meet some people? go outside. look around. everybody has people. [ cheers and applause ] you can check it out at www.gooutside.whynot.havesomefun .thisisgoingtobegreat.mofongo [ light laughter ] and make sure you use the promo code -- [ rambling ] >> seth: sorry, what's the promo code? [ rambling ] >> seth: okay, great. david ortiz is one of the greats. an all time great. >> he's the best. like he's one of those people that you can like t
>> seth: this is very exciting because you passed me about eight shows ago. >> burn. >> seth: yeah, that's a full burn. >> i'm sorry. >> seth: that's all right. hey, honored. i'm honored. but you are now the second longest serving snl cast member of all time. >> but darrell will always be. >> seth: yeah well that's the thing especially if darrell's playing trump because that's eight more years. >> exactly. [ laughter ] exactly. >> seth: he's going to be around. >> buckle up. [ laughter ] >> seth: but it must be so exciting. again, you've been doing it so long, it must be so exciting to find a new thing like david ortiz. >> it's the absolute best, you know what i mean? people like him and jimmy mcmillan was on. >> seth: yeah, it's great. you know the rent is too damn high. these people just fall from the sky. >> seth: and very exciting drake this week and fred armisen coming back for the season finale. >> that's right man, it's going to be a great two weeks. [ cheers ] >> seth: great two weeks. well i'm so happy you're here, buddy. have a great couple of shows. >> we will man. >> seth: i'll see you soon. i can't wait for maya and marty. kenan thompson, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] snl premieres this week with host and musical guest drake. we'll be right back with beth behrs. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ the captivating lexus rc, with available 306 horsepower. this is the pursuit of perfection. just how wet and sticky your current gel antiperspirant is. now we're going to show you how degree dry spray is different. degree dry spray. degree. it won't let you down. a prince wants to give us 20 million dollars, he just needs our social security numbers. we're gonna be rich!!! the first spam was sent by telegraph in 1864.
make time for snapple. and with touch id it does way more than unlock your phone. it logs you into things, like your bank account. see what i mean? it checks you into your flight. ooop, your phone! it pays for stuff like... (mouth full) doughnuts. how about chew then talk. it unlocks things for you. it signs documents for you. hey, you bought a boat! i bought a boat! i just said that. and it does this. yeah, it starts your car. so now we're just starting cars with our fingerprints. just. whoa. so you don't have to stop., tylenol® 8hr arthritis pain has two layers of pain relief. the first is fast. the second lasts all day. we give you your day back.
is up to you. tylenol®. (man) that show.t to record (woman) now we have to wait forever to see it. (jon bon jovi) with directv, you don't. ♪ you see, we've got the power to turn back time. ♪ ♪ that show you missed, let's just go back and find. ♪ ♪ and let's go back and choose spicy instead of mild. ♪ ♪ and maybe reconsider having that second child. ♪ ♪ see, that's the power to turn back time. ♪ (vo) get the ultimate all included bundle. call 1-800-directv.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest stars as caroline in the hit cbs show, "two broke girls." the season finale airs this thursday, may 12th. let's take a look. >> here's to grilled cheese, no crust. [ laughter ] >> cool. >> and can you just move your coloring material, sir? [ laughter ] >> look.
>> pretty. [ laughter ] >> i was born during the great depression, and i never saw anything as depressing as that grown ass white boy coloring in a damn coloring book! [ laughter ] >> i was born during a def leppard concert. [ laughter ] and that is the most depressing thing i've ever seen. [ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome to the show, beth behrs. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: hi! >> hi! >> seth: i'm so happy to have you here. >> i'm so happy to be here. i've been a fan of yours. >> seth: oh, thank you, great. and we were saying beth behrs is about as close as you're going to get to seth meyers of a guest. [ laughter ] >> it's so true! >> seth: we'll never have a guest's name where you can pretty much, like, almost
rearrange the letters. >> oh, my god! it's meant to be. >> seth: seth mehrs and beth beyers! so i read the title of your show in the beginning of tonight's episode. and it's very long. >> mm-hmm. >> seth: and this lovely play you're doing. but i want you to prove to us that you know the whole title. >> okay. okay. i've been drinking. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> "a funny thing happened on the way to the gynecologic oncology unit at memorial sloan kettering cancer center of new york city." >> seth: you did it! well done. [ cheers and applause ] very well done. >> thank you! >> seth: you got them all. >> thank you! >> seth: you got them all. >> it wouldn't make a good drinking game. >> seth: it wouldn't make a good -- >> because think about saying that after four shots if you had a group, you know, trying. >> seth:eah, it would get harder as you went. >> yes. >> seth: now, what is this show, like, this about? >> it's amazing. it's written by halley feiffer, and directed by trip cullman. and it is about two people, two strangers who meet in the oncology ward and how they sort of help each other through pain and humor through pain, and they're humorous through pain. and it's great. it's wonderful. >> seth: so obviously it seems to be a mix of drama and comedy then?
>> yes, very much so. and, it's very provocative. and i think you'll be -- i think everybody will really like it. you'll get to see me do stuff you've never seen me do before. >> seth: oh, my goodness. well, that would be very exciting. and also, is this sort of a dream of yours? were you a theater kid growing up? >> sort of. [ laughter ] it's like, i literally -- i mean, since my mom said before i could read, she was taking me to auditions for community theater. so, the theater is my heart. i am, like, so excited to be in new york city and doing it in new york. [ cheers and applause ] halley feiffer, i've been a huge fan of. she's an incredible writer and trip cullman, i mean, i've learned more from them. it's like grade school. my cast -- everybody -- i'm, like just learning sucking it up every day and loving everything. >> seth: so, the previews are about to start. you'll be in front of, obviously, you know about this plays, they're in front of live audiences, like, all of them. >> yes. [ laughter ] >> seth: your show is a live-audience show? >> yes. >> seth: do you think that performing in a sitcom front of a live audience will be helpful, or will it be detrimental? >> well, um, you have a take two. even though we're in front of a live audience on "two br
back up, which we do many times. but, this is gonna be interesting also, because i have the bladder of a 90-year-old woman. >> seth: oh, no. [ laughter ] >> and, so i can't pee, i can't like, "excuse me." and go offstage. i mean, i could. >> seth: yeah. >> but, like, halley would get really upset. >> seth: yeah, yeah. >> so, we talked catheters. but, i don't think that -- >> seth: no, that wouldn't be worth it. >> no, i think a real actor pees their pants, honestly -- >> seth: really? >> because it's, like, true art. >> seth: i think a real actor holds it. [ laughter ] >> whatever, seth. how many plays have you done? >> seth: that's true. that's true. [ laughter ] >> it's cool your pee your pants to quote "billy madison." >> seth: i mean, i do an hour a night, and i haven't pissed myself once. [ laughter ] >> it's more than an -- it's more than an hour. >> seth: do you have an intermission? >> no! >> seth: oh, you don't. okay. how long is it? >> diapers. >> seth: how long is it? >> um, i -- it's, like, an hour and a half, i think. >> seth: oh, okay. [ laughter ] so, it's more than an hour. [ laughter ] well, this is very exciting. and you mentioned you're excited to be in new york.
here before? >> i have never lived here before. i just learned the subway, which i'm obsessed with because i hate driving. >> seth: okay, that is by the way, how you know someone's new to new york when they're obsessed with the subway. [ laughter ] >> it's such good people watching. >> seth: it is that. >> it's so fun. you can read on your way to work. i've read books. like, you don't read books in l.a. [ laughter ] >> seth: do you -- that's true. your -- i mean, i will say when you're in l.a., you can listen to npr a lot more. >> you can listen to it here on the train. >> seth: that's true, but then, you can't read when you're doing -- can you do -- can you read and listen -- >> i can read and listen to npr at the same time. i'm really -- >> seth: whoa! [ laughter ] but now -- do -- are you -- obviously you're on a big-hit sitcom. do you get recognized on the subway here? >> i do. but you know what's funny? a lot of people doing by saying, you know, it's so funny, you look like that girl from "two broke girls." i realize if i said back normally, like, "i know, i get that all the time." they go, "you're caroline!" because i, like, you know, have a squeaky gopher voice. but if i go, like, "oh, my god,
i get that all the time." [ laughter ] people are kind of like -- and then, i have to keep it up, though, like if i get phone call. i'm like, "hello?" [ laughter ] and my mom's like, "beth?" >> seth: i like knowing how many people are in new york right now going, "hey, it's weird i met that girl from 'two broke girls' and she talked in a weird, low voice." [ laughter ] >> i do when walking my dog in my neighborhood, too. i'd people come up at, was, like, night. and they'll be like, "you look so much like that girl from 'two broke girls.'" and i'll be like, "i know. it's so weird. it's so funny, man." >> seth: does your dog, like, cock his head? >> buddy's like, "i don't know you." >> seth: "i don't know what she's doing." this is exciting, too. you have a web comic coming out. tell us about it. >> yes, a digital comic. >> seth: did you grow up a comic book fan? >> i grew up -- my best friend who i'm writing the comic book with, matt doyle, and i grew up doing musical theater together. and he was a huge comic book nerd, which i used to make fun of him for, but then, as i grew into this young adult, i decided it was the coolest thing ever. >> seth: yeah. >> because i read "y the last man." >> seth: oh, it's the best, yes.
>> and so, we had this idea. matt had a dream, and, like, came up with this idea about twins in a post apocalyptic world with superpowers and basically, like, "frozen" meets "the hunger games." it's about two sisters. [ laughter ] >> seth: there you go. >> yeah! >> seth: there's a sales pitch. >> yeah, and it's an online website. it's digital, so you can read it on the subway. >> seth: there you go. but not in the car in l.a. >> but not in the car in l.a. >> seth: you have to wait till you get home. >> you'd have to wait, yes. >> seth: and, "two broke girls." this is the fifth season? >> yes. >> seth: uh, still broke? >> still broke, y'all! [ laughter ] >> seth: all right, well that's great. >> still broke. >> seth: that would really turn it upside down if that changed. >> i know. >> seth: permanently. >> we had a little, like, flavor of success where we went to l.a. this year, which was so much to play, with, like, "what they're like rich, but now they're broke again." >> seth: all right, well, i am so happy for you to hear that. >> thank you. >> seth: and congratulations on the play. i can't wait to see it. >> thank you. >> seth: thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. >> seth: beth behrs, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] the season finale of "two broke girls" airs thursday night. we'll be right back with music from thomas rhett. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
today's the day! oh look! creepy gloves for my feet. when i was a kid there was a handle. and a face. this is nice. does it come in a california king? getting roid rage. hemorrhoid. these are the worst, right? i'm gonna buy them. boom. i'll take them. impulse buy. ommmmmmmmmmm. presenting the american express blue cash everyday card with cash back on purchases. it's all happening. and no annual fee. here we go! cash back on purchases. backed by the service and security of american express. cashworld saleiltonses. is on honors members save up to 25% on brands like hampton, doubletree, hilton garden inn, and waldorf astoria so stop clicking around.
♪usic: "sex machine" by james brown ♪ ♪ ♪ athe best things in the life are real. so we brew iced tea the way you brew it at home. for real, delicious, leaf-brewed iced tea. pure and simple. pure leaf. for the love of leaves. to be taken care of. in good hands? like finding new ways home, car, life insurance obviously, ohhh... but with added touches you can't get everywhere else, like claim free rewards... or safe driving bonus checks. even a claim satisfaction guaranteeeeeeeeeee! in means protection plus unique extras only from
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: this morning, my next guest was nominated for two cmt music awards. "male video of the year" and "video of the year." here to perform his latest single, "t-shirt," please welcome to the show, thomas rhett. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ get off of work and we meet down at our spot we had a patio with a view of a parking lot ♪ ♪ it was two for one and four for two had christmas lights in the middle of june ♪ ♪ all hung up like i was on you ♪ ♪ i say hey hey baby do you wanna come over you say no way ♪
♪ then you move in closer next thing i know you were in my ♪ ♪ t-shirt right there your hair messed up like a guns-n-roses video ♪ ♪ oh oh so hot ♪ still got it up in my head you were moving around in the tv light ♪ ♪ i ain't ever seen anything like ♪ ♪ your dress my floor the way you wore my my t-shirt ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ ♪ ♪ we were walking up the stairs with the neighbors saying keep it down ♪ ♪ but it's hard to unlock the door when you're making out know what i'm saying ♪ ♪ you've been saying that we've gotta quit doing this so why you leaning in for one more kiss ♪ ♪ and pretty soon you're sliding off what you've got on and slippi
♪ t-shirt right there your hair messed up like a guns-n-roses video ♪ ♪ oh oh so hot ♪ still got it up in my head you were moving around in the tv light ♪ ♪ i ain't ever seen anything like ♪ ♪ your dress my floor the way you wore my my t-shirt ♪ ♪ in my t-shirt ♪ ♪ oh no baby no i can't lie cause you sure look good in my t-shirt ♪ ♪ oh no baby no i can't lie you look good on my mind ♪ ♪ i say hey hey baby do you wanna come over ♪ ♪ you say no way then you move in closer next thing i know you were in my t-shirt ♪ ♪ mmm you look just so dang hot in my t-shirt ♪ ♪ i see you spinning around in my t-shirt right there ♪ ♪ your hair messed up like a guns-n-roses video
♪ in my t-shirt right there your hair messed up like a guns-n-roses video oh oh so hot ♪ ♪ still got it up in my head you were moving around in the tv light ♪ ♪ i ain't ever seen anything like ♪ ♪ your dress my floor the way you wore in my my t-shirt ♪ ♪ nah nah nah nah nah nah nah oh baby you look good in my t-shirt ♪ ♪ oh baby you look so good in my t-shirt ♪ ♪ nah nah nah nah nah nah nah ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thomas rhett! his new album, "tangled up," is out now. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]