tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC May 23, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am EDT
you're promised one speed. but do you consistently get it? you do with comcast business. it's reliable. just like kung pao fish. thank you, ping. reliably fast internet starts at $59.95 a month. comcast business. built for business. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- jennifer lawrence. george lopez.
and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 477! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's what i'm talking about. hi, everybody. welcome. welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. you're here. you made it. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for being here, guys. got a big show. here's what peop a
a little trouble for donald trump. it's reported that trump may have actually done business with the mob. [ audience oohs ] even has ties to an ex-convict named joey no socks. [ light laughter ] when asked about his relationship with trump, joey no socks said, "that's between me and donny three wives." [ laughter and applause ] l don't worry about it. hey, don't worry about it. >> steve: hey-oh! hey! >> jimmy: that's right, one of donald trump's longtime business associates is an ex-convict nicknamed joey no socks. of course, he also goes by the nickname joey easy christmas gift. [ laughter and applause ] hey, how'd you know i needed socks? thank you over here. i saw that donald trump is now building a sea wall around his golf course in ireland -- [ light laughter ] --to protect it from global warming. [ light laughter ] well, that and mexicans trying to sneak into ireland. [ laughter and applause ] what are you doing over here now?
on friday, trump also gave a a big speech in kentucky, and i'm starting to wonder if he really understands how legislation works. listen to this. >> and we will unsign lots of different things. including some of those terrible executive orders. believe me, they're going to be unsigned so fast. they'll be unsigned the first hour that i'm in office. in the first hour that i'm in office. >> jimmy: then i'm going to unsign every christmas card i ever sent to the clintons. [ cheers and applause ] unsign -- and i'll unsign it. when someone told him that unsign wasn't really a word, he was like, "fine, then i unsay it." [ laughter and applause ] meanwhile, hillary clinton went on "meet the press" yesterday, and she was asked what slogan defines her campaign. she said, "stronger together." as opposed to the other slogan that defines her campaign -- >> you've got mail. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, they didn't like that. >> steve: guess not. >> jimmy: delete that slogan. delete that slogan.
i saw that there was a brief security scare yesterday when some party balloons drifted over the white house fence. the white house staff were pretty worried, especially when they saw obama tying those balloons to a lawn chair. take it easy. [ laughter ] bye, i'm out of here. bye guys, take care. i'm the old man from "up." [ light laughter ] and get this, a top adviser to obama says that the president will keep a low political profile after leaving office. in fact, obama recently hinted at what he might do once he's a a regular citizen again. here's what he said. yeah, i wanna keep a low profile, nothing crazy. i'll tell you what i want to do. i want to open up a restaurant called fries in a cup. [ light laughter ] it's real simple, it's just me behind a window on the street. i'm selling fries and they're in a cup. that's it. fries in a cup. [ light laughter ] we got two cups. small cup, big cup. small cup's $2.25. big cup's $3.25. it makes sense. fries in a cup. [ light laughter ] condiments? we got ketchup and that's it.
none of that chipotle mayo crap. fries, ketchup, cup. that's it. fries in a cup. no fancy slogan. no commercials. just a hashtag and that's it. what's the hashtag you ask? #friesinacup. [ laughter and applause ] all right, we get it. we get it. sounds cool. >> steve: i'll get it, yeah. i'll take a cup of fries. >> jimmy: let's get to some sports news. we had another big horse race this weekend. that's right, saturday was the 141st running of the preakness, and it was won by a horse named exaggerator. apparently, he won just by promising to make horse racing great again. [ laughter and applause ] that was good. and last night, the golden state warriors played the oklahoma city thunder in game three of the western conference finals. and at one point, the warriors' draymond green may have gotten a little too aggressive against the thunder's steven adams. take a look at this. >> he struggled every time. >> and that's the second time, that green has, let's say --
>> jimmy: yeah. looked pretty painful. yeah. [ light laughter ] listen to what adams had to say about it after the game. >> that game's over, it has nothing to do with the next game. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: he recovered pretty quickly. >> steve: yeah, he seemed fine. >> jimmy: this is pretty cool. italian chefs recently set a a new world record after making a mile-long pizza that took five ovens and over 11 hours to bake. it got weird when the person who ordered the pizza was like, ooh, i said no pepperoni. [ laughter and applause ] so, can you -- and finally, i saw that the dad who live streamed the birth of his son on facebook last week says it was an accident, and that the video wasn't meant for the public, just for friends and family. and his friends and family were, like, we didn't want to see it either. [ laughter and applause ] we have a great show, you guys. give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! sounding great as always, thank you, roots. the roots, everybody, right there. [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. guys, it's monday, we're very happy to be back here. we have a big week of shows coming up. tomorrow night, tyler perry and dave franco will be here. >> steve: whoa! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and later this week, adam sandler, penelope cruz, martin short and maya rudolph will be joining us. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and we have great music from dierks bentley and courtney barnett. i can't wait. it's going to be a fun week. [ cheers and applause ] but first, we have a great show tonight, as always. a lot of fun when she stops by. i just love her. >> steve: she's a delight. >> jimmy: she is the best. from the new movie "x-men: apocalypse" the one and only jennifer lawrence is here. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we just love her, i want to be friends with her. i want to be like, best pals with her.
>> jimmy: like we should be bffs. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: we're going to play a a game, we're gonna play a game called true confessions. with a surprise guest. oh, yeah, this is new york city, we don't screw around. [ light laughter ] plus, from tv land's new series, it's very funny, it's called "lopez," the hilarious george lopez is dropping in. [ cheers and applause ] funny. and we have great music from tom odell, you guys. >> steve: oh! [ applause ] >> jimmy: you're going to love this guy. you're going to love him. >> steve: good times. >> jimmy: if you don't know him, you're going to love him after you hear him tonight. i like to think i'm a pretty easy going guy. >> steve: you are. >> jimmy: you know, there's one thing that really gets my goat. [ light laughter ] it's bad music. no one should have to listen to bad tunes. so as a service to you guys, i'm about to play some real songs from real bands that i think you should avoid. in a segment i called my "do not play list." here we go. ♪ do not play do not play do not play these songs these songs ♪
>> jimmy: now, before we start, i want you to know that every artist and song that i'm about to play for you is 100% real. they are actual bands, and actual songs. you can download them on itunes or amazon or see if your local music store has them. they are real. okay, so let's see what's on my "do not play list." first song is from a '70s singer/songwriter called jim post. [ light laughter ] there's jim. he's hanging out. >> steve: oh yeah. >> jimmy: he's taking an outdoor shower. very popular. >> steve: nice. >> jimmy: he's rocking the droopy wet 'stache look. >> steve: looks good. >> jimmy: kinda cool. >> steve: very cool. >> jimmy: no one else is doing it. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: you know, it's jim post. and so let's take a listen to, i think the title track called "i love my life." ♪ and i love my life i love my life i love my life i do ♪ ♪ every day of my life is a celebration and i love my life i do ♪ ♪ yeah i
love my life ♪ >> jimmy: that's it. he pushed me to the edge. [ light laughter ] but i love that. >> steve: i love that song. >> jimmy: i didn't mind it. >> steve: yeah, not at all. >> jimmy: he loves his life. >> steve: he does. >> jimmy: this next song is from a german band that i've never heard of. maybe someone out there, have you guys ever heard of the band scooter? really? [ laughter ] that's so not true. we don't make these songs up. questlove always thinks that we make some up. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: no, no. >> questlove: i think y'all do. >> jimmy: no, we don't. we don't make -- >> steve: scooter. >> jimmy: scooter. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, they're probably called scooter. >> steve: yeah, scooter. >> jimmy: this is scooter. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: jumping all over the world. actually, it looks like jim post from the future if you think about it. >> steve: yeah. maybe he's a time lord. i jumped in the jim post party. >> jimmy: anyway, scooter. so scooter. this song is called "how much is the fish." [ light laughter ]
he's, like, shopping for -- >> steve: he's asking for the fish. a query. how much is the fish? >> jimmy: just a query. how much is the fish? here it is. scooter. "how much is the fish." ♪ ♪ the chase is better than the catch ♪ >> jimmy: the chase is better than the catch. ♪ how much is the fish how much is the fish ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ here we go here we go here we go again yeah ♪ ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ ♪ sunshine in the air ♪ >> jimmy: stop it. that's a good song. that song is insane. >> steve: like you're reeling it in. >> jimmy: "how much is this fish." it took me a year to write that. >> steve: it took you a year to write that song? >> jimmy: that's correct. this next one is from a russian singer. >> steve: oh, good. >> jimmy: i'ev
and the album is called "dedication." [ light laughter ] there he is, plugging his ears. never a good sign for an album. >> steve: never good. >> jimmy: for an album. let's take a listen to "jamaica." >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: yeah, mon. i love jamaica, mon. yeah, let's hear some, it's called "jamaica." ♪ ♪ jamaica jamaica ♪ >> jimmy: "jamaica." ♪ jamaica >> jimmy: stop, stop, stop, stop. he really catches the spirit of that. it's not me, it's not me, dude. it's a real singer. i wouldn't make these up. it's the real thing. ♪ jamaica jamaica jamaica jamaica ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: takes it out of you. >> jimmy: takes it out of me, >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: clearly, this picture
recording that song. >> steve: yeah, i think so. he hit that high note. >> jimmy: this last one we're down to, is a soundtrack to a a superhero movie. >> steve: oh great. >> jimmy: people love it. i mean, "x-men," superhero movie. >> steve: sure. >> jimmy: so it's just, it's kind of like that. let's see what it is. this is called, it's "italian spider-man." >> steve: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: is that what spiderman looks like? >> steve: i know italian spiderman. >> jimmy: is that what spiderman looks like? >> steve: that's italian spiderman. >> jimmy: what? sounds like italian zorro. >> steve: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, "italian spiderman." let's take a listen to "italian spiderman." ♪ ♪ italian spiderman italian spiderman italian spiderman italian spiderman ♪ ♪ what up girl pussycat ♪
>> jimmy: how much is this fish. [ cheers and applause ] that's all the time we have for "do not play." if you have an album or a song you think we should use on our next show, we want to see it. send your suggestions to our blog at email@example.com. stick around, we'll be right back with jennifer lawrence, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how does this world, help you experience this world? oh man i've only been to one place! oh i have a great idea maybe i can go to the rainforest. any ideas for my little one's first big trip. every mastercard world card comes with a concierge who can help you book a dream trip, arrange experiences and much more. hey, you're going to need more of these. learn more at priceless.com/world
nice to meet you! welcome, welcome! today i'm going to show you the all-new 2016 chevy cruze and ask you what you think. but here's the catch. you can only answer in emojis. what emoji would you use to describe the design? sfx:message sent i think it's sexy. mm-mm-mm! it has available built-in 4g lte wifi® sfx:message sent rock on. that's excellent. we got wifi. the cruze offers up to an epa estimated 42 mpg highway. sfx:message sent this car is like a unicorn. it's magical! (group laughing) right now we need fighters to fight.end. and pancakes to eat. denny's red, white and blue slam is here and so is independence day: resurgence. denny's. welcome to america's diner. in theaters, june 24th
here he is over jackson! that's the guy you're playing in this movie. a cold-blooded assassin. so what part of you hurts the most? what does it matter to you? you're playing young kobe. i'm playing you all the way through now. i mean, with prosthetics and stf like that. siri, play the curious case of benjamin button. fast forward 20 minutes and 36 seconds. genius! now that's the guy i'm playing in this movie. get out of my trailer. okay. you got it.
♪ they go ooh ooh. ♪ hey! ♪ they go oh-ooh-ooooh. ♪ sitting, watching, waiting, wishing. ♪ ♪ i tell you one thing, you never knew it. ♪ ♪ at the back of the bus ♪ there is so much to give, so dream big. ♪ ♪ yeah. ♪ and when they screaming get out, get out. ♪ ♪ all i wanna hear is get down, get down. ♪ ♪ yeah. ♪ and when they screaming get out, get out. ♪ ♪ all i wanna hear is get down, get down. ♪ ♪ get down, get down.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an academy award-winning actress who is back as mystique in the new movie, "x-men: apocalypse," which is in theaters and 3-d this friday. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jennifer lawrence. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: jennifer lawrence! >> hi. [ cheers and applause ] hi. >> jimmy: thank you for coming back to the show. thank you for dancing like that, too. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i appreciate that. [ laughter ] we have the same dance move. >> oh, no. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. >> i dance like a dad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you dance like a dad, exactly, yeah. >> i have a really bad feeling about this show. >> jimmy: yeah, are you have a a feeling goofy? >> no, i just was walking on my way here, and i was like, "i don't have a good feeling about this." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, great. >> i don't know if it's going to be me or you. >> jimmy: someone. [ laughter ] >> yeah, probably me. >> jimmy: something's going to go down. >> those were my first words. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we always love having you here. i think the last time you were here is right before you got nominated for "joy." congratulations on that. >> oh, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] i lost. >> jimmy: well, yeah. i lost. yeah, see, well -- >> cool it! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i didn't win, yeah. >> you clearly weren't watching! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i am happy -- and i
know that, you know, any time we get to talk about robert de niro, i love talking about him. >> what's there to talk about? he's the quietest guy in the world. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he doesn't love to talk, but other people can talk about him. >> yeah, sure. >> jimmy: he doesn't enjoy talking, yeah. >> no, he doesn't. >> jimmy: but he doesn't have to. he's the best. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, as an actor, he can read lines and do that. but when you hang out with him, do you -- can you get anything out of him when you hang out with him? >> no, nothing. >> jimmy: what would happen if you guys went out? say, you went out to dinner. >> well, we do go out about, you know, once a week. we, like, get together, and honestly, like, if it weren't for him wanting to see me, i would be like, "well, he doesn't like me." [ laughter ] you know, we sit there. he, like, just talks, he's so, so quiet. like, i'm always like, "ah!" [ laughter ] he's, like, the quietest. i don't know, any time somebody does imitations of him -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> that's him, like, in a movie where he's, like, projecting his voice. >> jimmy: right. >> in real life he just talks really -- you know, like this. >> jimmy: very polite, yes. >> very, very, well, very gentle. [ laughter ] yup, yup, that's exactly right. [ laughter ] and then, and then he always pinches my cheek and goes, "oh,
who's four. >> jimmy: she's 4-years-old? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "you remind me of little helen." yeah. >> "mean, bro." >> jimmy: he does the same thing to me when i go out with him, yeah. [ laughter ] "you remind me of my 4-year-old daughter." you were telling me backstage you have to do a lot of press for these movies, these giant movies. and you're great at it, but you tell me when you first started -- i want because this is a great story. you didn't really understand how to do press. there's a thing called, like, "media training." >> no, i still don't. well, the media training came from -- from my first ever press conference, like, my first ever, like, moment, like, entering me into a world of messing up press conferences. for the first one, i was there for a movie called "burning plains." i'm sitting next to, like, charlize theron and the director, guillermo arriaga, and -- >> jimmy: who was in the film? >> um -- >> jimmy: you? >> kim basinger, me, charlize theron and -- yeah, so kim basinger wasn't there. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> we were doing an international press conference.
like, "where is kim basinger?" and i just leaned into the microphone and i was like, "you didn't hear? kim died." [ laughter ] and then, there was, like, a a beat while it got translated. and then it was like -- [ imitates beeping ] and then i got ripped off the stage, thrown into media training, which is hilarious, because i was like eliza dolittle in "my fair lady." [ laughter ] they were like, "don't sit like that! don't talk like that!" and i'm like -- [ screaming ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "we have to make you into a star," yeah. i love it. no one would have -- >> and obviously it didn't take. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. no, it worked, absolutely. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: oh, please, you were in this giant -- >> my mother just told me a a week ago, she was like, "stop telling people that they don't have to see 'x-men.'" i'm always like, "i don't know, you know. if it feels right, you know. no pressure." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can do whatever you want to. i mean, you can see it. don't see it. we don't care, you know. >> no. >> jimmy: you know. [ laughter ] >> i don't care. >> jimmy: i mean, we do. we'd love you to see it. >> they care. >> jimmy: we don't care, or not. it's done. >> yeah, or don't. >> jimmy: or don't. >> yeah, don't. >> jimmy: but do. >> but do. [ laughter ]
"x-men"? >> my nephew, my 4-year-old nephew, bear. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he is obsessed with "x-men," obsessed with "x-men," and i'm like, "bear, i'm in "'x-men.'" he says, "no, the real 'x-men.'" it's, like, the most infuriating -- >> jimmy: we have a video of little bear. you trying to talk to him. >> this is, like, a mild version of what he does. >> you know i'm an "x-men?" bear. i play mystique in "x-men." acknowledge it! [ laughter ] he hates it. >> he hates it. >> jimmy: what a cute kid. he really is. [ applause ] >> i was on the phone with the producer for this. i was telling this story, and she heard bear go -- [ imitates farting ] [ laughter ] as soon as i said "x-men." >> jimmy: i love him. >> he's, like, going through a a thing. he doesn't like my work. he was in "the hunger games," in the last epilogue, like, the last, you know, whatever, blah blah blah, the end. played my kid. and so, he's on his way to visit me and he's like, "dad, do i have to b
cute. >> jimmy: i think he's cute. i want to show everyone a a clip -- >> i think he's cute, too. >> jimmy: yeah. yeah, what was i saying that you were saying -- >> no, no, no. it sounded that way. >> jimmy: i did. i didn't mean that. >> it felt like i had to defend myself. anyway, here's the "x-mens" clip. watch, don't watch, i don't care. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no. here's the "x-men" clip. please watch. jennifer lawrence, "x-men: apocalypse." take a look at this. >> i was on a plane like this with my friends about your age. we called ourselves "the x-men." hank and i are the only ones left. i couldn't save the rest of them. i told you i'm not a hero. >> well, you're a hero to us. seeing you that day on tv changed my life. >> mine too. >> mine too. i mean, i still live in my mom's basement, but, you know everybody else is -- well, it's pretty much the same.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: jennifer lawrence, "x-men." we're happy we watched that clip. jennifer and i are playing a a game called, "true confessions." that's the name of the game. and we don't know -- well, you'll see. it's either we're telling the truth or we're lying to each other, but you'll see. it's fun -- and we have a a surprise guest. did you see the surprise guest? >> i did. >> jimmy: he's cool, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, or she. [ laughter ] when we come back. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you know when i first started out, it was all pencil and paper. the surface pro is very intuitive. i can draw lightly, just like i would with a real pencil. i've been a forensic artist for over 30 years. i do the composite sketches which are the bad guy sketches. you need good resolution, powerful processor because the computer has to start thinking as fast as my brain does. i do this because i want my artwork to help people.
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♪ >> jimmy: now first, we're going to need another player to fill out the table and we found a good one. he's the host of "last week tonight", which airs sundays at 11:00 p.m. on hbo. please welcome john oliver. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are you? john oliver. >> thank you. >> jimmy: this is so fun. thank you for joining us. guys, here's how the game works. in front of us we have two envelopes containing confessions. okay? in one of the envelopes is something that actually happened to us in real life. in the second envelope is a a lie. once you've read your confession, the other two players have 60 seconds to interrogate you and then they each have to guess whether you've been lying or telling truth. okay. we'll take one turn each. >> sure. >> jimmy: let's get stared. jennifer, you go first. >> oh, god, that was my biggest fear. >> jimmy: john, which envelope should jennifer open? >> um, two? >> jimmy: yeah. >> two. >> jimmy: i'm feeling two as
>> jimmy: interesting, interesting. >> it just says "pregnant." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: interesting. >> i once took an ambien before filming a scene in "the hunger games." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: was the scene -- in the scene -- were you sleeping in the scene? >> no. >> jimmy: you were not, you were awake? >> no, in fact, i was dancing. >> jimmy: you're supposed to be -- dancing in "the hunger games." >> were you fighting in this scene? was it a fight scene that you slept through? >> no, no. do i just answer it in yes or no? can i elaborate? >> jimmy: you can elaborate, sure. >> yeah, that wouldn't be fun. no. it wasn't a dance scene. no, i woke up and -- yeah, i thought it was something else -- >> as a confession -- >> that was, like, normal to take. anyway -- >> if this is true, is this going to cause you legal problems with the studio? >> um, the movies are done.
[ laughter ] >> that's not how the law works. >> it's all about "star wars" now. >> jimmy: interesting. so you took -- but did anyone know, was anyone around you when you took this? >> no. >> jimmy: this can go either way for me. [ buzzer ] >> what's that sound? >> jimmy: that's my cellphone. i'm sorry. [ light laughter ] i'm getting a call. i'm getting a call. i'll get it later. what do you think? >> it's plausible. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's reckless. >> yeah. >> i kind of like it. [ laughter ] if it's not true, i am going to be very sad. i'm saying it's true. >> jimmy: i'm going to say you're that good of an actor that you can probably -- >> definitely take your time more with this decision. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i say it's true. >> it's true. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: did anyone know? >> forget the rest -- >> jimmy: forget these.
we're done. >> jimmy: we're done. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> we're done with the interogration. okay. >> jimmy: okay. here we go. my turn. which envelope, jennifer? >> liar! >> jimmy: liar? >> the first one. >> jimmy: the first one, of course, yeah. i once wrote a song called "am i doing it wrong" and offered it free of charge to sir paul mccartney. [ laughter ] >> what year? >> jimmy: this year. >> oh, this year? >> jimmy: yeah. >> what was sir paul's reaction to the offer? >> jimmy: would you like to hear the song? >> no, what was his reaction first. [ laughter ] >> i don't doubt that you have a song. >> yeah. i want to see -- >> how did you get it to paul mccartney? >> jimmy: we -- we -- i'm a a giant fan of his and i think we've kind of become kind of friends. it's one-sided, but it's a a one-sided friendship. [ light laughter ] >> right. >> jimmy: i have his cell phone number. >> now i do want to hear this song. the one-sided friendship song that you threw into his face. ♪ am i doing it wrong am i doing it wrong
am i doing it wrong am i doing it wrong ♪ ♪ am i doing it wrong >> you semt that to him? >> jimmy: i left that on his voice mail. [ light laughter ] and i have -- free of charge. i've not heard back. from paul. >> so you called him? >> jimmy: yeah. [ drumroll ] >> that's the part i don't buy. >> jimmy: we're out of questions. >> why would the phone call be the big lie there? >> i don't care about the music, i want to get back to the phone call. you texted him, didn't you? >> jimmy: both. anyways, interrogation's over. >> not true. >> no, it is true. it is true. >> it's not true. >> am i doing it wrong? it's true. >> it's not true. >> jimmy: because it's pretty good? it's sadly true, yeah. i figured -- what i figured is -- i figured nobody sends songs, ideas, to paul mccartney, because he's the greatest songwriter on the history of the face of earth. >> so that's what made you think it was a good idea? >> jimmy: you have something on
your nose. >> is it a booger? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i felt it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you feel it? >> i totally felt it. >> when did it shoot up? >> like, we're on tv. there's no way i a booger -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you totally boogerred up. >> is it gone? >> jimmy: it's totally gone. it's somewhere. [ laughter ] it's somewhere. i don't know where it is. but it's not there. it's not on your nose. >> i told you. >> jimmy: you called it. >> lying really has a negative effect on the body. >> jimmy: john, it's down to you now here. >> okay. >> jimmy: now, i will choose the envelope. i'm gonna say i think you're going to be a good liar. i just want to say that before we start. >> that's unkind, but sure. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: in a good friendly way. >> english people lied our way to an empire. >> jimmy: two, i will say. >> number two? okay, what is this? as a teenager, i had a summer job working in the kitchen at buckingham palace. >> not true. >> jimmy: no way. [ laughter ] >> no way. >> jimmy: no way. absolutely no way. >> what, hold on, why would that not be true? >> h d
where did you park? >> i didn't park. i was a teenager. i didn't have a car. >> jimmy: where did you ride your skate board? [ light laughter ] >> i flew in on an umbrella, you racists. >> jimmy: come on. >> it was, you could apply -- school kids could apply to work in the kitchen and i did that year. so i lived nearby and i walked. >> what was your most memorable meal that you made? >> i made the queen an omelet for breakfast. >> jimmy: that is not true at all. this is so -- ba humbug. no way. what kind of omelet? what did she have in her omelet? >> it was a feta cheese omelet. [ light laughter ] >> no! >> jimmy: the queen would not eat feta cheese. >> that is true. that is definitely true. >> jimmy: no way, man. >> yeah, you're right. she wouldn't eat feta cheese. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we busted you already. >> yeah. you did. >> jimmy: that's where you lie. >> it was a lie. she wouldn't eat feta cheese, it's too greek. >> what's your truth? my truth was -- [ buzzer ] what was my truth? oh, at 19, i was thrown out of a tokyo sauna for not being naked enough. [
♪ >> jimmy: we don't need to hear that. we don't need to count that. our thanks to jennifer lawrence and john oliver. [ cheers and applause ] "true confessions." george lopez joins us after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ oh say, can you see freeze! this is a bust. hands behind your back, mr. choreographer.
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>> jimmy: looking good. hey, nice to see you again. >> well, i'm sitting there minding my own business and i get the call that you guys need diversity and here i am! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that's exactly right. thank you. >> meanwhile, thank you for that unplay list, because i'm walking down the hall and i'm like -- ♪ jamaica >> jimmy: that's not a bad. that song's not bad actually. half the songs they play there, actually, i always end up liking. >> "how much was the fish" was a little bit -- have to go on a a long drive to get that one. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. exactly. eventually got there, yeah. hey, i want to say i met your beautiful daughter backstage. >> okay, listen, my daughter, she loves me, but she is -- she loves you so much, jimmy. listen, you know what she told me? you know when you have a good friend and then you have a a friend that's not as good as the other friend and they say "why can't you be more like him?" when you left, she's like, "that's how a man acts! [ laughter ] jimmy fallon is an angel." i said, "no, he's a nice guy." "no, he's an angel! [ laughter ] and they pin his wings back before the show and after he
>> jimmy: good, i'm happy that -- >> so check this out. there's a contest in los angeles at madame tussauds called #fallonselfie. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> so my daughter is such a a huge fan of yours. and by the way, jimmy doesn't have just one wax figure, this cat, he's got five. so a mexican, that's a gang. he's got a gang. [ laughter ] and they're all different. so my daughter takes pictures with you. and here's the first -- show this picture. [ light laughter ] that's when they first meet. that's the first one. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know, her caption was #i know we're looking in different directions but we're so much the same. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i like that. >> here's the second picture. >> jimmy: hey, there you go. that's what i'm talking about. >> she won the contest and she can go to any wax figure where madame tussauds around the
phoenix, there's one in new york. >> jimmy: yeah, it's true. >> there's one up in buffalo. so, she met him before the show. now look it, it gets better. here's my picture of her and i. >> jimmy: you have a wax figure. >> no contacts. [ light laughter ] # that's the guy that wouldn't let me eat more than one fruit rollup. [ laughter ] # that son of a bitch wouldn't buy me a car at graduation. [ laughter ] who cusses in a hashtag? >> jimmy: you got a different look than that george lopez. >> you know what, somebody said to me on the plane, "i thought they weren't extraditing you until the end of next month." [ laughter ] they thought i was el chapo. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: wait a second, wait a a second, you're not el chapo? >> i'm not el chapo! >> jimmy: wait a second -- >> or am i? >> jimmy: i thought we booked el chapo. >> i decided to just look like mannpa
[ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: come on, no, no. you look good, you're a stud. you gotta do this. >> you know, there's a lot of dudes --e a lot of references, you're like the guy on -- you know, mcdreamy. you know partick dempsey was mcdreamy. and then there's smoky guy, there's a mysterious looking dude. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i just got pulled over by the lapd. they said i look suspicious. so i might have to trim it. quest, i might have to trim it. >> jimmy: suspicious is not the -- >> i said, "that's my look, man. that's my look." >> jimmy: why would -- >> because when i'm driving, i'm like that -- suspicious. listen, i'm keeping it -- if trump becomes president, i'm gonna need this. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: let's talk about "lopez." >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is on tv land. congratulations. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: another hit show. it's super funny. how would you describe the show? >> i would describe it as a, let's see, a west coast "curb." >> jimmy: "curb your enthusiasm." >> or a less mexican "louie." you know louis is mexican now.
>> jimmy: is louis mexican? >> yeah, that's what he said. >> jimmy: i didn't know that. >> there's a lot of redheaded mexicans. you're not supposed -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i didn't know that at all. >> or "mex in the city." there's a lot of alias. >> jimmy: "mex in the city." >> csi. >> jimmy: i want to talk about, you're doing the "comedy get down" tour with cedric the entertainer, gosh he makes me laugh. d.l. hughley, eddie griffin, charlie murphy. this is fun. >> it's amazing. one show, all those guys in one show. you know when you're young and you tour, you know, there's -- might take a little drugs or something. but we're all in our 50s. before we just, you know, "how's your glucose level?" "i'm ready." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how sad. >> we had a dude that came around and sold cialis. but his thing was, "hey guy, it's from the factory." we're like, "all right, all right." >> jimmy: comedygetdown.com. get some tickets. george lopez, everybody. "lopez" airs wednesdays at 10:00 p.m., on tv land. funny, funny man. we have music from tom odell te
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight's musical guest will release his second album, "wrong crowd", on june 10th. performing "magnetised", please welcome tom odell! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ see those birds going across the sky three thousand miles they fly ♪ ♪ how do they know which way to go somehow they always seem to know ♪ ♪ they say there's mother nature in everything we see ♪ ♪ wish i had a little mother nature in me a little mother nature in me ♪
♪ i wish i had a chance to let them know their love is like a flower in the snow ♪ ♪ if it's just pheromones then that may be ♪ ♪ i wish you had a little pheromones for me i wish you had a little pheromones for me ♪ ♪ 'cause it's not right i'm magnetised to somebody that don't feel it ♪ ♪ love paralyzed i know you're never gonna need me ♪ ♪ i'm sure as the world keeps the moon in the sky ♪ ♪ she'll keep me hanging on she keeps me hanging on ♪ she keeps me hanging on she keeps me hanging on ♪
♪ north to south white to black when you love someone that don't love you back ♪ ♪ it's not right i'm magnetised to somebody that don't feel it ♪ ♪ love paralyzed she's never gonna need me but sure as the world keeps the moon in the sky ♪ ♪ she'll keep me hanging on keep me hanging on she'll be hanging on keep me hanging on ♪ ♪ keeps me hanging on
she keeps me hanging on keeps me hanging on ♪ ♪ one two three four ♪ ♪ whoa she keeps me hanging on whoa she keeps me hanging on ♪ ♪ keeps me hanging on [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much! tom odell! "wrong crowd" is available for preorder now. we'll be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: my thanks to jennifer lawrence, george lopez, john oliver. tom odell, once again. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- jesse tyler ferguson. author governor john hickenlooper. music from bryson tiller. featuring the 8g band with tim alexander. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. the nra on friday endorsed donald trump for president. i guess that reaffirms their commitment to absolutely zero background checks. [ laughter ]