tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC December 22, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EST
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- rachel maddow. from "project runway junior," kelly osbourne. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and craig finn. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth myers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. rudy giuliani said this morning that even though donald trump passed him over for a position in his administration, trump hasn't forgotten about him. said trump, "it's true. how could i ever forget rudy garziola?" [ laughter ] "gorganzola, whatever. ll
[ laughter ] donald trump claimed this morning that he would have done even better in the election if the winner was based on the popular vote because he would have campaigned differently. why are you complaining? it's over. you won. wait, why am i talking to you? you know what? let me talk to your father. oh, hey, listen. would it have killed you to hug him once? [ laughter and applause ] fox news's bill o'reilly said last night -- [ applause ] bill o'reilly said last night that liberals want to eliminate the electoral college because they want power taken away from the white establishment. bill, you don't have to say, "white establishment." it's redundant. that's like saying atm machine. the "m" means machine. [ laughter ] vice president joe biden will reportedly work at the university of pennsylvan once he leaves office. apparently they had an opening for, "cool r.a." [ laughter ] "i know you're going to smoke your weed, guys. just roll up a towel and put it under the door, all right?"
joe's going to look the other way, just got to make it easy for him. today is national hamburger day, when we celebrate the birth of cheese-us. [ laughter ] i don't know. it's kind of fun to look at. [ applause ] he did not see it coming. look how surprised he looks. [ laughter ] according to a recent study, pokemon go players have collectively walked 5.7 billion miles while using the app. they've walked everywhere except into a job interview. [ laughter ] hasbro has launched a holiday hotline in the uk to help families instantly settle any disputes over board games. like, "who has to have eric on their team?" [ laughter ] and finally, a new toy h launched called "pony up daddy," which lets parents attach a saddle on their backs so the kids can ride them as if they were animals. [ laughter ] unfortunately for donald trump, his daddy likes to be the on
[ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] from msnbc's "the rachel maddow show," rachel maddow is back on the show. cheers and applause ] she's one of our favorites here. also, she's a judge on lifetime's "project runway junior." kelly osbourne is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so, we got a very good show for you. now, before we get to that, one of the most dire consequences of a donald trump presidency may be its impact on climate change, and if there was any hope that trump might stop in his positions on climate issues after he won, his cabinet picks tell a different story. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: climate scientists now say 2016 will be the hottest year in earth's recorded history. which means 16 of the 17 hottest years on record have come since 2000. of course, the other hottest year on record came in 1863, when mary todd lincoln took a boob out at the gebu
so just to recap, 2016: it was the hottest year ever, donald trump won the presidency, and on top of that, the [ bleep ] chicago cubs won the world series. [ cheers ] i'm pretty sure that's three out of the four horsemen of the apocalypse right there. [ laughter ] if "dirty grandpa" wins best picture at the oscar's, we done for. [ laughter ] and in case you think the only consequences of climate change are hotter temperatures, scientists are warning the change in climate might even be affecting one of our greatest christmas icons. >> santa may need to add a few reindeer to his team from now on. researchers say arctic reindeer are actually getting smaller, and they say it's all because of climate change. researchers studied the reindeer for the past two decades and say the reindeer have been losing weight. they're actually down about 15 pounds since 1994. >> seth: and making matters worse, like anyone who loses 15 pounds, the reindeer are now
[ laughter ] and the effect of the hotter temperatures this year has been especially dramatic in the arctic, where ice sheets and glaciers have melted. and scientists say those ice melts are already affecting weather patterns where is you live right now. as one climate scientist puts it, "what happens in the arctic doesn't stay in the arctic." a lesson i learned the hard way when i went to the arctic for a bachelor party and hooked up with a penguin. [ laughter ] yeah, i know. there aren't any penguins in the arctic, but she was there for a bachelorette party. [ laughter ] so, the climate situation is dire, but progress has been made during the obama, from the paris climate accords to the administration's, "clean power plan." activists were even able to stop the controversial north dakota access pipeline, which is a major priority of pro-enviornment politicians, like bernie sanders, who energized crowds with his opposition to the pipeline. >> the powers that be will continue to move this country forward toward an oligarchic form of society. >> stop the dakota the pipeline! >> damn right. [ cheers ] all right. s
call his number at the deli. "82?" "damn right." [ laughter and applause ] "chicken soup and free saltines. i will not pay for saltines!" and then there's donald trump. obviously, his statements on climate change have not been promising like his infamous claims that the concept of global warming was created by and for the chinese. as opposed to trump, who was created by and for the russians. [ laughter ] but still, you might think at least we could agree on things like investing in clean energy, which would be good for the climate and manufacturing, but trump even seems to have a bizarre vendetta against wind power in particular. if you watched his rallies at all this year, you might have noticed that his hatred of windmills is kind of an obsession for him. >> the wind is very tough because those windmills are very, very expensive. and they kill the birds, and they look very terrible. isn't it amazing the way the enviormentalists love the windmills, and yet, they kill all the birds? a wind turbine that kills all the bald eagles all -- okay, but that's okay with them, right? even though it needs subsidy. the windls
all your birds. [ laughter ] killed. you know, the environmentalists never talk about that. and i wouldn't exactly say it makes your farm lands look beautiful. you've got all these wind mills all over the place, going, driving you loco when you look at them, right? >> seth: of course trump's real fear is that when you destroy a bird's nest, it has to find new one. [ laughter and applause ] but after trump won the election, there was a brief flurry of optimism that trump might soften on some of his positions on environmental issues. not because of his own opinions on the subject, but because of his daughter, ivanka. >> ivanka trump wants to make climate change part of her platform. >> ivanka trump could be a climate csar in her father's administration. >> she's met twice with leanardo dicaprio to talk about the environment. >> ivanka trump, daughter of the president-elect, met with former vice president al gore today to talk about climate change. >> seth: she met with leonardo dicaprio first, and then al gore. that is the wrong order. [ laughter ] "i'll have the hot fudge sundae for dinner and for dessert, a cold bag of peas." [ laughter ]
so ivanka's interest in climate change gave people a glimmer of hope. but of course, trump's team moved swiftly to snuff out that glimmer by reassuring everyone that trump still thinks climate change is totally made up. like trump advisor and wall street investor anthony scaramucci, who went on cnn to compare climate science to the ancient theory that the earth was flat. >> i know that the current president believes that human beings are affecting the climate. there are scientists that believe that that's not happening. i think that, you know, for me, personally -- >> the overwhelming consensus in the scientific community -- >> chris, let me finish. >> is that man's actions have an impact on climate. no, you have to correct that. correct that whenever it comes up. >> chris, chris, there was an overwhelming -- >> okay. >> chris, there was an overwhelming science that the earth is flat, and there's an overwhelming science -- >> called ignorance. you learn over time. >> we were the center of the world, 100%. you know, we get a lot of things wrong in the scientific community. >> seth: who's "we"? you're not a part of the scientific community. [ laughter ] it's hard to imagine this conversation among scientists. "thicl
[ brooklyn accent ] "yeah, all right! hey, scaramuch! get in here!" [ laughter ] "we got to go over that is all data! data over here!" [ laughter ] and then, trump confirmed everyone's fears by scouring the country to find the worst possible choice to have the environmental protection agency, oklahoma attorney general scott pruitt. pruitt is a loyal ally of oil and gas companies and has received tens of thousands of dollars from the energy industry. he's even defended a natural gas drilling technique known as fracking, despite the fact that it has literally caused a spike in earthquakes in his home state. just last month, the report found that the state has seen severe spike in earthquakes 2008 when energy companies ramped up their fracking. the number of 3.0 magnitude quakes rose from two in 2008 to 889 last year. they went from two earthquakes a year to 889. how do you host a game night in oklahoma? it must be impossible to get through a game of jenga. [ laughter ] seriously,ug
i'm starting to think "dirty grandpa" is going to win that oscar. [ laughter ] so, climate activists were disappointed by these nominations. but then, trump doubled down, naming former texas governor rick perry as the secretary of energy. you probably won't be surprised to hear perry thinks climate change is a contrived phony mess and has claimed that climate scientists have "have manipulated data so they will have dollars rolling into their projects." do you think climate scientists are getting rich off this stuff? are have you seen how they dress? they look like they were shoved into a goodwill store naked and given 90 seconds to pick an outfit. [ laughter ] the craziest thing the rick perry will be replacing ernest moniz, a world-renowned nuclear physicist from m.i.t. and moniz was, himself, preceded by another nobel prize-winning physicist steven chu. so, who should we believe on climate change? who are the great scientific minds, moniz and chu, or rick perry? well, the daily beast recently looked at perry's college transcript and found that perry took four chemistry courses and got two "c's," a "d," and an "f." [ laughter ] he got a "c" in physics and a
how do you get a "d" in meat? are you at chipotle? [ laughter ] pop quiz, rick. meat or not meat? "oh, boy. i know it's one or the other." [ laughter ] maybe the worst thing about the trump administration's climate agenda is that they'll have a compliant republican congress ready and willing to kowtow to the oil and gas lobby. for example, earlier this month, the house science committee tweeted out a link to a totally bogus story published by breitbart news claiming "global temperatures plung. icy silence from climate alarmists." the bogus tweets promised this zinger from bernie sanders who tweeted back, "where did you get your ph.d., trump university?" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i guess it was only a matter of time before bernie sanders turned into the don rickles of politics. even the weather channel got involved because the breitbart article misleadingly citeded a weather channel video. the meteorologist in that video responded with a new video, debunking breitbart'
>> so last week, breitbart.com published an article claiming that global warming was nothing but a scare, and global temperatures were actually falling. here's the thing, science doesn't care about your opinion. cherry-picking the facts won't change the future nor the fact -- note, "fact," not opinion, that the earth is warming. >> seth: bernie, any thoughts? >> damn right. >> seth: there you go. [ laughter and applause ] so the climate situation may well be dire under a trump administration, which is why we need to bringing attention to it. it's literally life or death. without a strong response, we could be in for more arctic melting, extreme weather events, rising sea levels and earthquakes. and that's not good because i still have feelings for her. [ laughter ] this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with rachel maddow, everybody. ♪ >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. since i'm a new dad, i've been trying to take a lot more video. and i found a great way to do at
sponsors, the new lg v20 with wide-angle capabilities from both the front and rear cameras. to show how great it worked, i sent an nbc page to shoot video from around our office like fun stuff, fun moments. so, here we go, take a look. >> seth: brian, i can't help but notice there are raisins in this salads. >> i told him no raisins. >> seth: oh, so i'm the liar now? look, i don't want to make a big deal out of this, but this is a huge deal, which is why i decided to publically shame you. oh, i've got to widen out for this. >> this is a cruel thing to do. >> seth: this? was a cruel thing to do. >> seth: okay, so i thought they were gonna shoot a rehearsal. that was a lot worse. [ laughter ] but at least the sound quality was great, right? i'm just going to go ahead and change the mood. everyone in the audience tonight is getting an lg v20 to take home with yourself there. [ cheers and applause ] and we'll be right back.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome, back, everybody. please give it up for the 8 g band right over there. also we're so excited to have him back with us tonight. his band, the hold steady, just re-released deluxe editions of two classic albums, "almost killed me" and "separation sunday" on french kiss records. on vocals, the fantastic craig finn is here, everybody. give it up for craig. [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks for having me. >> seth: so happy to have you here. also, everybody, we've got fred armisen on the drums. give it up for fred! [ cheers and applause ]
fred, we've been doing this all week. when you're here, you and i talk about television a lot, and you claim, which i find hard to believe, that you have watched every episode of every television show this year. >> fred: i always do, yes. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. which seems like there's not enough hours in the day to watch every episode of every tv show. >> fred: but i do. [ light laughter ] >> seth: but, see, there's so many channels and if you think every channel has 24 hours of programming, how are you watching everyday's televisions? >> fred: machines, dvd players, dvr, computers, ipad, laptops. there's so many ways to watch, you know? >> seth: all right, so -- what? >> fred: screeners. links. >> seth: okay. i get it. [ laughter ] so here's how this is going to work, i'm going to read you the title of a television show and if this is true that you've watched every episode of everything, you're be able to tell me what the show is about. >> fred: great. >> seth: great. the show is called "call me francis" and it's on netflix. >> fred: "call me francis" is -- do you know it? >> seth: no. [ light laughter ] >> fred: well, so because it's netflix they've done the whole season already. >> seth: yeah, i know how that works. [ laughter ] >> fred: okay, so it's all ten
>> seth: yeah. now you're just explaining how tv works, you're not explaining the show. [ laughter ] >> fred: it's -- that show, that's just a guilty pleasure. >> seth: okay. >> fred: it's just fun and it's dumb. and it's like, campy and cheesy, but it's a guilty pleasure, you know what i mean, like -- >> seth: yeah. >> fred: it's about like makeup and beer, and, like, champagne and it's like it seems dumb but it's really it's just a guilty pleasure. [ light laughter ] >> seth: what's the plot? >> fred: so francis is just -- it's like francis is just like dumb and crazy. and like kind of yelling at people, but not, and they get drunk. and they just like, there's like a hair salon, but then there's also like a mechanic's place. [ light laughter ] a garage. and it's just like -- they're like falling over -- >> seth: that's interesting, because i would have just called it a garage right away. but you called it a mechanic's place. [ laughter ] >> fred: because they're in mechanics' gear. >> seth: oh, i see. >> fred: and it's so -- it's very like --
>> seth: gotcha. >> fred: it's like a soap opera but crazier. [ light laughter ] >> seth: well the description of the show that i have is, "you know him as pope francis, but this miniseries chronicles his life from his childhood in military dictatorship to his rise to become the first latin-american pope." >> fred: right. [ laughter ] so in that -- no, in that, those scenes happen, is what i'm saying. [ laughter ] >> seth: give it up for fred armisen, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is an emmy award winning broadcaster and a best selling author, your host of "the rachel maddow show," weeknights at 9:00 on msnbc, please welcome back to the show, our friend, rachel maddow. [ cheers and applaus] ♪ ♪ >> seth: very nice kicks. very colorful kicks. >> festive! thank you very much. i can find my feet in a dark bar. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's very good. that's a very helpful thing. >> yeah. >> seth: i want to talk
that's going on in world right now, but i'm always fascinated by how someone like you gets into this world that you're in now. sort of, journalism but also you have a very strong point of view. and when you were in high school, you were taking a stand for stuff even back then. >> i can't believe you're using this against me. >> seth: i'm not using it against you. >> no, no, no, it is -- what's weird is that like -- you think that there are things that happen in your life that will never, ever resonate ever again. >> seth: sure. >> they were one off, they were standalone things. they will never ever be important. >> and then all of a sudden, like white supremacism is really popular again in american politics. >> seth: yeah. >> and like white nationalists and neo-nazi groups are like feeling their oats. when i -- >> seth: it's so funny, it is true, people are talking about it now like, "ballroom dancing is back!" [ laughter ] >> exactly! >> seth: this isn't a thing. >> "that one neo-nazi group they're dropping the swastika because they want to be more --" yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> so when i was growing up in the bay area in california, people think of the bay area as very liberal, i was like in the
had like a klan chapter. and we had racist skin-head groups, these like white aryan resistance skin-head groups and stuff used to recruit at my high school. and so the very first -- >> seth: with like a folding table and flyers? [ laughter ] >> like guys in doc martins with white laces and no hair coming around and like -- >> seth: gotcha. >> and there were like white-power concerts and stuff. and me and my friends, the first activism i ever did, is that we put up flyers around town that were rude and the police took them down immediately. that were mean to the racist skin heads. and then we went -- >> seth: how mean do you have to be to racist skin heads to get it taken down? >> well, we thought that the racist skin-heads should be kicked out of our school, you know. >> seth: sure. >> but they thought that our flyers should be taken down because they had swear words. >> seth: oh, gotcha. >> so it wasn't a good move. we were like 15 and we thought it was awesome. >> seth: right? >> it didn't work. you can't put that up in the safeway if it has an f word on it. you idiot! [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. no matter what your position is. >> exactly. you might be against racism, but that's obscene.
>> yeah, so that didn't work. but then we went to -- there were also anti-racist skin-head groups. this is like the '80s, right? this is another universe. none of you were alive. [ laughter ] >> seth: so wait, there were good skin-heads? >> there were good skin-heads and bad skin-heads. and we went to a meeting of the good skin-heads and said, "please, would you go beat up the bad skin-heads in our town." >> seth: oh, wow. >> we tried to organize good versus bad skin-head wars around my high school. >> seth: got it. >> so that was my first activism. and i thought that would never ever be relevant again. and now the nazis are back. >> seth: yeah, there you go. >> awesome. >> seth: well, they take their cycles, they're like cicadas. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, exactly. they've been underground for 17 years pretty much. >> seth: so we obviously deal with it to a much smaller degree on this show, but covering donald trump is interesting even in this transition period because every part of it is unprecedented. >> yeah. >> seth: and there is no -- it doesn't seem like there's any way to sort of harken back to historical examples, certainly in this country, for what he's doing. how have you been approaching it day to day? >> it's a weird challenge because you think in the abstract -- if something hap t
never happened before, there's some political phenomenon, it's like nothing we've ever seen. you'd think that would be fascinating, riveting, everybody would be paying attention to it. but there's something about it being unprecedented that makes it harder to understand. because the way we understand things is, like, look, the last time we did this as a country, remember how that turned out? you can't do that with trump, because he really is doing stuff that nobody's ever done. and it makes it harder to understand the importance of some of it. and so, i mean, for me it's exciting because it's a storytelling challenge, but it does mean you have to like find reference points you wouldn't expect. like last night i did this whole rift on like the god of wine had a friend who was half a goat. and the half-goat friend -- like you have to -- you have to find parallels somewhere. [ laughter ] and sometimes it's in the history of other countries and sometimes it's made-up stuff. >> seth: it's myth. it's from myth. >> yep. >> seth: you have talked -- i think a lot of people were drawn to donald trump because he is a businessman, he gives off this air of being a successful businessman. >> yeah. >> seth: people are thinking
for this country. you've been talking a lot about the kind of businessman he is, and how it might not necessarily elevate our country, but it might work against our country. because he is known throughout his career to enrich himself. that has been -- and that's the thing that i think a lot of people think is great about him, is his self-enrichment. but now it's a conflict of interest. can you talk about that a little? >> well, it's in -- you know, in the same way that things are harder to groc because they're unprecedented, like we've never had a president in the modern era who hasn't showed us his tax returns. we've never had a president who had active financial investments where he could make decisions as a president that would enrich himself. but that's -- that's happening now. it's not just a threat. i mean, it is happening now. and it's -- i think that to a certain extent, we're going to have to get used to the fact that donald trump fans like that he's a businessman and they like that he's made himself very rich and so maybe they're expecting him to take decisions that are going to enrich himself further as president. >> seth: but talk about sort of his golf courses in scotland. >> yeah.
an example as how it could work against our -- for him but against us. >> i think that finally will be the sort of thing that maybe makes stuff sink in. because, like, you were talking about he's very afraid of windmills. >> seth: he doesn't like windmills. >> he doesn't like windmills. >> seth: no. >> he's very like -- they're his boogeyman. >> seth: yeah -- wind is his kryptonite. [ laughter ] >> when he wakes up sweating in the night, he's like, "is it spinning? is that why you put them on a hill?" >> seth: he's like, "is there a windmill here." and she's like, "no, donald, it's the air conditioner." it's okay. [ laughter ] go back to bed. >> are the birds all right? so he's very afraid of windmills. they terrify him. he -- there are windmills that were near his -- or were going to be near his golf course in scotland. >> seth: mmm-hmm. >> so he doesn't like the windmills. he can't stop talking about the windmills. he's fixated on them. while talking to british politicians after he won the presidency, he brought up the windmills to them. it was, like, "thank you for the congratulations, you know, we really shouldn't have those windmills by my golf course." and that's hilarious if you think of it as just his phobia.
president, i mean, this seems weird but, you know, scotland could come to him, the uk could come to him and been like, "listen, donald, we know you really care about the windmills and you think that's a very important thing for your business." "we'll get rid of the windmills if you do this thing for our country, which the united states doesn't want to do, it's not good for the country, but we want that from you as president and we'll give you this private benefit instead." that kind of transactional stuff is already a problem. the guy who's building -- the company that's building his trump towers in turkey, the president of turkey just arrested an executive from that company. that's a really important business project for donald trump. turkey can now come and say you want that executive out of prison, do a little something for us, in terms of u.s. policy. so it puts him in a position of choosing himself over the interests of the united states of america. and whether or not you care that he's going to get rich off of all of our backs, the fact that he is going to be in a position where people can leverage the country against his own interest is not good.
great unease for liberals. is there -- do you have an optimism for them? any optimism? >> i have bright red shoes which is very festive. [ laughter ] i have a family i love and nice dogs. no, i -- >> seth: well, how about this -- >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: because i feel -- i'll push you down an optimistic path and you can decide if you want to continue on down it. >> all right, digging in my heels. >> seth: you know, obviously, there was this great enthusiasm for a bernie sanders campaign. now, obviously that came up short, but this was a large group of people who again, a message that is very far away, far afield of what donald trump's message is right now. and obviously popular vote-wise. i know that doesn't matter and i know that's not how we pick our president, but if those people, is there some way to galvanize what happened here? you think -- >> yes. yes. yeah. i mean -- this is apocryphal, this is fake. but people always say that, you know, "it's an ancient chinese curse, mou
i've always felt like it's a good fake ancient chinese curse that in politics you will be blessed with enemies who are cartoonishly evil. >> seth: yeah. >> yes, let that be a blessing to you. let the clarity of this new era be a blessing to you. i think that in particularly if you're on the liberal side of the spectrum or if you are scared about donald trump, your life just got different. like, you've got a different fight of your life than you thought you were going to have. you're going to have to do different work than you thought you were going to do. and whatever this administration is going to cook up, is going to pose all sorts of fascinating challenges we were not expecting. and working on that stuff is going to be unifying because he's planning to govern, from who he's appointing, he seems to be planning on governing from a really, really out there place, and i think that's going to make for a very interesting time sort of in the opposition, kind of in the resistance. >> seth: you mentioned a cartoonish -- one thing that i have found, because it does seem like something from a superhero movie. is that the -- the way, the treatment of people like mitt romney. where he brings in mitt romney
out to dinner with him, takes a bunch of pictures, then doesn't give him the job that they were meeting for. >> yeah. >> seth: do you think that is a place that he's being vengeful for to the never-trump republicans. yeah, right, yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah, i mean, the romney thing was never going to happen, right? like what's the one thing that romney said during his 2012 campaign that anybody remembers other than the 47%. it was when he said, "our number one geopolitical foe is --" trump's daddy, "is russia." >> seth: yeah. >> if you think that's our number-one geopolitical foe in the world, you're not going to be trump's secretary of state. trump will have us speaking russian. >> seth: yeah. >> this is not -- you're not going to pick romney. >> seth: do you think mitt romney's getting enough credit about calling that out? because that was sort of laughed off by president obama at the time. >> yeah, he was like, "it's not the '80s, it's not the cold war." >> seth: but it turns out, the cicadas are back. [ laughter ] >> and then trump drags him out -- i think it's in trump's interest that he needs to make sure anybody who took a principled stand against trump, needs to now be brought before trump to grovel. to get rid of anybody having any moral high ground against him. i
watching people feel hurt and humiliated. so he dragged romney out, made him do that, made him grovel, made him go eat frog's legs with him at a restaurant and have his picture taken and say it was nice. and then he still rejected him? >> seth: do you think he made romney pay for that dinner? [ laughter ] because i bet he did. that would be the real burn. >> i'm sure trump is a guy who's like, "oh, i forgot my wallet." >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] thank you so much for being here. it's always such a pleasure to see you. rachel maddow, everybody. "the rachel maddow show" airs weeknights at 9:00 on msnbc. we'll be right back with kelly osbourne. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ come on! why doesn't verizon offer unlimited data like t-mobile? is it because their lte network was built six years ago? six years ago? that's like a hundred... in phone years. their lte network is older, slower, and they limit you. switch to t-mobile. the newer, faster, and unlimited network.
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>> seth: how are you? >> i am so well but so nervous to be on your show. >> seth: why are you nervous to be on this show? >> because i watch with my dad like every night. >> seth: that makes me very happy that you watch this show with your dad. >> i do and my favorite episode recently is you with mariah in the sleigh, in the sleigh -- >> seth: i had mariah carey >> seth: and your face was like seeing the real santa at christmas. you were like -- [ laughter ] with everything she said, and i was like -- just as stoked as you were. >> seth: well, i usually, obviously, i interview people at desks all the time. and mariah carey was coming, queen of christmas so we interviewed her in a sleigh, and it was great. >> she is queen of christmas. >> seth: then i got to take the sleigh home and -- >> did you really? >> seth: no. i didn't get to take it home. [ laughter ] >> oh my god if you did, then that would make the coolest ornament ever. >> seth: it's very hard. you'd be surprised. it's very hard to find a sleigh last minute in new york. you would think it's easy. i guess in june it's probably super easy to find a sleigh, but this time of year. >> probably. >> seth: so congratulations. "project runway" junior. the junior is key here. >> it is key, and it makes me so proud and happy to be a part of a show that involves fashion that is not a, "see you next
tuesday" kind of show. if you know what i'm saying. >> seth: i know exactly what you're saying. >> thank you. >> seth: i don't think the juniors know. >> no hopefully not. fingers crossed. i'll get in trouble. harvey weinstein i'm sorry. and lifetime. but to see these young designers -- >> seth: and how old are they? >> 13 through 17. >> seth: got it. >> and they've never met anyone like them. so when they're in their hometowns they're like the loners or considered like the freak, geek, dork. and to be put in a room with people for the first time that are just like them is a beautiful experience within itself. regardless of their capabilities of designing and what they create every single week. except for, you start the day and you're like, "i can't wait to see what they've done." and then you leave and you're crying and you have to stay at home and like get in a bath for three hours because you've just solo destroyed a child. >> seth: sure. >> it's really really hardcore. >> seth: obviously part of this is you have to send them home, you have to say, "it's over for you." >> at the end of each week, yes, we do. >> seth: see i would love that. [ laughter ] >> you are so evil. you are
come in, telling a 15-year-old she doesn't have it. >> try telling a 13-year-old. it's even worse. and you sit there and like you're sobbing and we all have our own individual like psycho killer faces where it looks like we've had too much botox cause we're trying not to cry. so we're like -- [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, yeah, because you would lose your edge if you cried as a judge. >> i mean, i think of myself as a bit of an emotional wreck-edge, you know what i'm saying? so i can still try cry. >> seth: oh yeah sure, sure. that's good. great. and one of your co-judges, hanna jeter, a very beautiful woman, a model. >> you're talking about "ugly bitch." >> seth: ok now. >> that's what i call her in my phone, because she is so ridiculously beautiful in every way you can imagine. >> seth: yeah. >> physically, her personality. you should see what she looks like when she wakes up in the morning and she comes on to set and her hair is wet and she's just wearing pretty much like a sack and a pair of flip-flops. you're like how do you look this
>> seth: oh so she's sack gorgeous. she looks good in a sack? >> i mean you could put her in a garbage bag and -- >> seth: she's garbage bag gorgeous? [ laughter ] >> yes, she is. she is. >> seth: oh, my god. >> this morning we started work at like 4:00 a.m. this morning and promoting the show, which i'm so excited, coming out tomorrow. but i looked at her and i'm, like, "i hate you." this took me like four hours. that took you like 20 minutes. and it's not fair. not fair at all. >> seth: yeah. well, some people are very lucky. [ laughter ] >> she's like a freak of nature. i always tell her that. and she's so nice and charitable >> seth: she's a very nice person. >> there is nothing about her that is wrong. i'm like it's not fair. >> seth: those people are awful. >> thank you! [ laughter ] >> seth: honest. it's just awful. when they don't have anything wrong, you just -- it's hard not to dislike them. so i have a question for you here. i know obviously christmas is coming up. i can imagine christmas at the osbournes is a pretty good time, maybe not a conventional christmas. >> no. >> seth: it's not a good time? >> no.
we don't like christmas. >> seth: oh you don't? ozzy doesn't like christmas? >> no. me and him find a way of watching the same movie 25 times over and over again. and i don't get to speak, even though he's seen it -- >> seth: what movie? >> it depends. >> seth: oh, okay gotcha. >> one year it was "crash." >> seth: "crash?" [ laughter ] on christmas?" >> yes. and even though even though like we knew what was going to happen next, if i even so much as breathe heavy, he'd be like "shh!" i'm, like, i'm so sorry. so -- >> seth: was he into christmas when you were younger? >> he was. he really was, but there were things that he would do -- i thank the lord he's still alive because he would put horseshoes on his shoes and climb on the roof with bells. [ laughter ] and we would think that it was santa and his sleigh. but our sister told me and my brother that santa wasn't real, which is a lie. to any children watching. and so my brother and i decided to set up a booby trap with fishing wire. s
>> so it was like a spider web of hell. >> seth: to catch santa claus. >> yes. >> seth: okay. >> except for it was my dad. and he pretty much ate it in every way possible. all the drawers broke. everything fell off my brother's shelves. >> seth: oh so he didn't smell out that there was a trap. >> no. >> seth: i guess ozzy strikes me as a guy who would maybe walk right into a trap. >> exactly. [ laughter ] thank you. he did. oh, i love my dad so much. he was trying so hard. the only way we still got our christmas presents were that me and my brother were, like, "you lied to us!" [ laughter ] so we got our get out of jail card with that one. >> seth: that's fantastic. well congratulations on the season. i can't wait to see it. thank you so much for being here. kelly osbourne, everybody. "project runway junior" premieres tomorrow on lifetime. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night." now many of you probably don't know this, but in addition to being one of the best crews in television. all, every one of the people who work behind the scenes here at "late night" from the camera operators to the sound engineers, are extremely respected and accomplished poets. it's true. in fact, a lot of them work at the show during the day and write and teach poetry at night. so we thought why not let them share some of their poetry with you in our latest edition of a very special holiday-themed "crew poetry." ♪ >> seth: first up is the recipient of the 2015 walt whitman poetry award and our camera guy, gene kelly. he'll be reading a poem entitled "my christmas wish." ♪ >> "my christmas wish."
deck the halls. it's finally here. the season of joy, peace, and good cheer. it's my favorite time. the lights, the trees, caroling till dawn. stop telling me happy kwanzaa, you damn moron. [ laughter ] i don't celebrate kwanzaa. don't even know what it is. is there presents, stockings? man, i'd fail that pop quiz. i was born in harlem. never even wore a dawshiki. except when my girlfriend wants me to. [ laughter ] 'cause it gets her all freaky. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: wow. took a turn there at the end gene but thank you so much. up next is our own kenny coyle. kenny teaches poetry at the university of cambridge, he is the winner of the penn volker award for poetry and is a member of our utility crew.
he'll be reading a poem entitled "holiday memory." ♪ >> "holiday memory." by kenny coyle. i will never forget that cold december day. my parents sat me down with something to say. kenny, dear boy, this may give you pause, but we're sorry to say there's no santa claus. i cried, i yelled, i told them they were [ bleep ] insane. [ laughter ] how do gifts get to kids from utah to maine? i burst out the door, i wept in the snow. i remember it vividly. it was two days ago. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you so much, kenny. next up is my assistant, erica schechter. she's been my assistant for three years. and along with bob dylan, won this year's nobel prize for literature for her poetry. she will be reading a haiku entitled "holiday bonus." >> "holiday bonus" by erica schechter. i know seth's secrets.
the crimes. the dead body. i want more money. [ laughter ] >> seth: um. how -- how much do you want? >> $1 million. >> seth: i'll give you 20 bucks. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> seth: thank you, erica. you drive a hard bargain. next up, we have a very special guest, our band leader fred armisen who along with being the co-creator and star of portlandia is also the united states poet laureate. he'll be performing a beat poem entitled "new year's groove." >> fred: "new year's groove" by -- fred armisen. ♪ 2016, reaching its conclusion it's time for that new year's resolution ♪ ♪ lose some of that weight work harder in school nah ♪ ♪ next year i'm just
gonna be more cool ♪ [ scat singing ] ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ >> seth: fred, sorry, buddy. >> fred: yes? you just interrupted the poem. >> seth: i was wondering if there was any more to it than that. >> fred: there is not. [ laughter ] >> seth: did you forget this was happening today? >> fred: no. >> seth: are you lying? >> fred: yes. [ laughter ] >> seth: and finally, everybody, we have our cue card guy, wally. >> "holiday secrets" by wally ferestein. the season of giving ushers in love and good cheer. it's as if everywhere you look a present is near. well, i have a secret, seth. a wish i can grant ya. good old saint wally is your office secret santa. you'll love your gift. it's expensive to boot.
she's a prostitute. [ laughter ] no, no, no, no, seth, there's no reason to get upset. no need to frown. she looks like halle berry from the back and sting when she turns around. [ laughter ] she'll be at your place tonight. in fact, she's already there. her main turn-on is white talk show hosts with real pointy hair. >> seth: wait, wally, did you say there's a prostitute at my house? >> is one not enough? look at you, mr. mighty mouse. >> seth: it's not the number. i have a wife and kid, you fool. >> don't worry about your wife. i told her. it's all cool. >> seth: my wife seriously didn't care? i find that hard to believe. >> that's because i hooked her up with our hunky stage manager steve. [ laughter ] so enjoy your prostitute, seth. have fun and delight. and merry christmas to all and to all a good night. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i gotta love you, wally. we'll be right back, everybody. [ cheers and appe
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to rachel maddow, kelly osbourne, fred armisen, craig finn, and of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> carson: hey gang it's carson daly, thank you so much for being here. it is "last call." coming up tonight the music "temples" we're going to do that from theeragram ballro