tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC January 28, 2017 12:37am-1:37am EST
[ laughter and applause ] also why is he writing like that? we're not going to copy off of you. [ laughter ] looks like he's signing for a package. dude, you don't need to prove you're writing the speech. we all know you wrote it when it starts with, "how great is this?" [ laughter ] stop taking stupid pictures. go to your briefings. this is important. vice president joe biden said today that figuring out donald trump's plans for foreign policy is like solving a rubik's cube, which is silly. getting all the colors on 55555555different sides is his domestic policy. [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] i'm okay with it. i'll allow it.
joe biden said that figuring out donald trump's plans for foreign policy is like solving a rubik's cube. said trump, "what's the big deal? you peel off the stickers, you put them on the same side. boom, solved." [ laughter ] and the littler the hands the better. [ laughter ] donald trump still -- has reportedly still been using his personal cell phone and will answer calls from unknown numbers. this according to joe biden at a slumber party. [ laughter ] [ applause ] "melania. melania, is our refrigerator running?" [ laughter ] today was national thesaurus day, which is not only stupid, it's also stupid. [ laughter ] if there was a better word i would have used it. finally, former baseball star alex rodriguez has announced he will be hosting a reality show featuring retired athletes who are struggling financially.
the show will be called, "why you should have cheated." [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] we have a fantastic show for you guys tonight. he is the star of the great new film "the founder." he's one of my favorite actors and a fantastic guy. michael keaton is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] it's a big deal. also, she is the star of fox's "bones," which is in it's 12th and final season. emily deschanel joins us this evening. [ cheers and applause ] and he has a fantastic new comedy special on netflix, "3 mics." he's one of my very best friends. neal brennan is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so it's a good evening. it's a good evening to be here. now, we did not have enough time to cover all of the recent news, so here with a recap to catch us up is one of our writers, amber ruffin, in a segment we call "amber says what?" ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks, seth. first off, i read that the bbc cancelled a show about
and i was like, "what?" then, i heard it was because michael jackson was being played by this white guy and i was like, "what?" [ laughter ] and then, i saw they made him up to look like this and i was like, "what were you thinking?" then president barack obama gave his final speech and i was like, "what?" then he was like, "going forward we must uphold laws against discrimination," and i was like, "what, what." [ laughter ] then he was like, "michelle, you're my best friend." and i was like, "what?" [ laughter and applause ] then hr started to tear up and then they cut to michelle and she started to tear up. and then they cut to malia and she was crying and i was like, "what?" [ laughter ] and then trump was like, "cnn is fake news," and i was like "what?" [ laughter ] then jennifer holliday from the original cas
announced that she was going to perform at trump's inaugural -- inauguration and i was like, "what?" then she apologized and said she had a lapse in judgment and pulled out. and i was like -- ♪ and what and what and what you're gonna love what ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: this has been "amber says what?" we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody. ♪ what ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] did you make that? i did... n't. hey, come look what lisa made. wow. you grilled that chicken? yup! i did... n't. mhm, lisa. you roasted this? uhuh... n't.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, sitting in with the 8g band this week, she is the fantastic drummer from the critically-acclaimed rock band black rebel motorcycle club, who will be releasing a brand new record later this year. leah shapiro is here. thank you so much -- [ cheers and applause ] -- for being here, leah. so very excited about this evening. my guests are michael keaton, from fox's "bones," actress emily deschanel, and comedian neal brennan, so -- >> whoa, whoa, whoa. whoa, whoa. wait a minute, what? >> seth: i'm sorry, who was that? >> did you just say i was a guest? [ cheers and applause ]
>> seth: michael -- michael keaton, ladies and gentlemen. >> thank you. >> seth: uh, yeah. >> thank you. did -- i just want to make sure. did you just say i was a guest on the show? >> seth: yeah. i -- i did. what are you doing in the audience? >> my agent said i was going to "late night with seth meyers" tonight, so i did. [ laughter ] >> seth: you thought your agent meant to watch? [ light laughter ] >> well, emily deschanel is on and she knows that i like "bones," so i figured -- [ laughter ] i don't know, i figured it was a birthday gift. [ light laughter ] >> seth: well, these tickets are free. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, my birthday is in september. look, i'm not saying it made sense. i'm just saying, you know, i'm not about to question it. >> seth: yeah, well your agent meant, you know, come on as a guest. >> oh. [ laughter ] yeah, i don't want to do that. [ laughter ] >> seth: you don't? >> i don't want to work on my birthday. [ laughter ] >> seth: you just said your bi
>> all right. okay. then i don't want to make mindless small talk. it's just not me, seth. i'm sorry. no offense. >> seth: oh. i mean, i'm taking a little offense. [ laughter ] >> really? "please welcome our good friend michael keaton." are we really good friends, seth? i mean, really? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: i think we're good friends. >> really? [ light laughter ] okay. can i get a ride to the airport tomorrow? [ light laughter ] >> seth: well, i actually have a show tomorrow. >> yeah, yeah. see, okay. right, yeah. we're good friends, right? you, me, emily, neal, we all hang together. we're regular four amigos, right? >> seth: don't you just want to come on at least and plug your movie "the founder"? >> it's about ray kroc the founder of mcdonald's. [ laughter ] he's an unscrupulous, morally bankrupt businessman who secretly enjoys screwing the middle class. tr
[ laughter and applause ] >> seth: well, look, the thing is, we have a hole in the show. could you -- could you come on anyway? >> just -- just get somebody else. i'm sure -- i'm sure i'm not the only one in the audience who's got something to plug. i'll bet you -- how about you? what do you got going on? >> i'm getting lasik next week? [ light laughter ] >> both eyes? >> i could only afford one. [ light laughter ] >> well, that's a good guest. seth? >> seth: michael, i don't want to talk to that guy about getting lasik in one eye. will you please just come on the show? we'll have a nice chat. i'll introduce you to emily deschanel. >> wait a minute. i actually get to meet "bones"? [ light laughter ] all right, well, that's kind of a hot offer. uh, all right. i'll do you this one favor. but just remember, seth, a favor is something good friends do for one another. [ laughter ] you see what i'm gng
airport. >> all right. [ applause ] then i'll come on your show. fyi, my flight's at 6:00 a.m., and it takes off out of philly. [ laughter ] >> seth: why are you flying out of philly? >> cheaper. >> seth: all right. [ laughter ] well, it sounds like we'll be right back with michael keaton, everybody. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ imy moderate to severeng crohn's disease. i didn't think there was anything else to talk about. but then i realized there was. so, i finally broke the silence with my doctor about what i was experiencing. he said humira is for people like me who have tried other medications but still experience the symptoms of moderate to severe crohn's disease. in clinical studies, the majority of patients on humira
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our first guest tonight is an academy award-nominated actor you know from films such as "beetlejuice", "spotlight" and "birdman." he stars as mcdonald's executive ray kroc in his latest project, "the founder," which is in theaters nationwide on friday. let's take a look. >> a buiin
it's a gathering, a place for decent, wholesome people come together, and they share values, protected by that american flag. it could be said that that beautiful building flanked by those arches signifies more or less the same thing. it doesn't just say, "delicious hamburgers inside." they signify family. it signifies community. it's a place where americans come together to break bread. i am telling you -- mcdonald's can be the new american church. >> seth: please welcome to the show, my very good friend, michael keaton. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: hey, what do you got? oher
this is very exciting, the steelers hat. are you ready? you're from pittsburgh. >> sure, and that's my gift. >> seth: thank you very much. i'm not going to put it on now, but i'm very excited about it. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. let's talk about that for a second. >> seth: okay, about -- >> because you're from new hampshire. >> seth: yeah, i grew up in new hampshire. >> so when you say you're not going to put it on now, what are you saying? >> seth: oh, no, no, no. this is not about the patriots. >> are you sure? >> seth: i'm positive. my dad -- i'm a steelers fan. i promise you, michael. >> can you verify this? would you show up and take your shirt off and paint yourself black and gold at the game? >> seth: i don't know if i'd go that far. [ light laughter ] >> i love that you -- >> seth: i thought of it. i did once -- i did once sleep outside of three rivers stadium for tickets to a playoff game. that's not bad. >> did you really? >> seth: yeah, i slept outside. and i thought -- >> wow, that's impressive. >> seth: thank you. [ light laughter ] i'll put it on to prove it. >> hey, look at that! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's great. well, this is a big deal, because i want to say that i was always a huge fan of yours for a lot of reasons, and one is you're from pittsburgh. my dad's from pittsburgh. >> right, i know, yeah. >> seth: people from pittsburgh
>> yes. >> seth: so my dad talked about you a lot. and then, we had never met. >> right. >> seth: and then, a few -- last year -- i guess, i saw you years ago, you were just in the building, and you left me a note. >> right. >> seth: we did not know each other. >> no. >> seth: the note said that you were at 7:10 in the morning. you had done "the today show." >> right. >> seth: and you wrote, "where were you?" and you signed it. and you left it on my desk. >> right. [ laughter ] i want to do the show, and i thought, "okay, i'll stop by and do it." i was here. >> seth: you were here at seven -- now, you'll notice it's covered in coffee because i threw it in the garbage because i didn't think it was real. [ laughter ] >> oh, oh. so it wasn't disdain. >> seth: it wasn't disdain. >> it's this stain. >> seth: it was -- yeah, exactly. but then, i actually went online and looked at what your signature looks like. >> really? >> seth: yeah, and i was like, "oh my god. that's the real michael keaton." [ laughter ] >> that's hysterical. >> seth: because -- so there was the pittsburgh thing. and then, another big deal for me was i was a batman fan. >> yeah. >> seth: and it was a big deal for me when the batman movie came out. and i actually slept out over night, just like for steelers tickets. i slept out. i was, like, lined up for batman tickets. >> whoa. >> seth: at a theater where no one else lined up. >> really? [ laughter ]
dudes. >> you and your buddy. >> seth: and they're like, "what are you here for?" we're like, "batman." they're like, "come back when batman starts." [ laughter ] >> that's awesome. that's so nice. >> seth: yeah. >> now, wait a minute. batman, if i don't -- if i'm not mistaken, you slept out? >> seth: yeah. >> it opened in june, so really sleeping out wasn't that big of a deal. [ light laughter ] i mean, if it was december -- >> seth: you're selling me out on the month? >> i love you for sleeping out! [ laughter ] >> seth: thank you, michael. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] you grew up in pittsburgh, and went to a catholic school in pittsburgh? >> i did, yeah. >> seth: and i heard tale that you had a classmate -- this sounds like a rough and rugged catholic school. you had a classmate who punched a nun. [ laughter ] true story? >> yes, yeah. >> seth: okay. why? >> because she -- oh, man, this is rough. because -- all right, i'll set it. here's what happened. [ light laughter ] it was almost like i was living jimmy cagney's life or something. so, yeah, it was like scrappy kids, working class kids, and i loved my school. i really loved -- i loved -- i really loved being an altar boy, and one through eight, i loved.
and high school was okay, but i love being in my school. i'm still pals with all of those guys, a lot of those guys. but anyway, they were tough, man. i mean, you know, if you got in trouble, they kept your little ass in line. and that's when i was my best student, by the way. i was the best -- probably the best student i was. in college, i was okay. but in grade school, i was a good student, because i was afraid not to be. [ laughter ] so, you know, you'd come in if you got in trouble. you might get whacked. you might get some knuckles smacked. so, this -- i'm not going to say who he was because there may be a lawsuit. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> but he had been -- he was kind of a good guy, but he would get into trouble a lot. he's one of our pals. and she would berate him consistently, and sometimes he deserved to be berated, i guess. it's all relative, and she whacked him. and i'm a little kid, and i'm thinking -- i'm like me. i'm going, "hey, man, i'm just trying to behave myself for eight years." [ light laughter ] do you know what i mean? and she whacked him, and my hand to god, she goes like this. she goes, boom. and he goes, boom. [ laughter ]
and me and my buddies just went, "holy [ bleep ]." [ laughter and applause ] we just went -- >> seth: yeah. >> "oh, my god!" everybody -- it was just silence. it was silence. and i thought -- >> seth: yeah, you could hear a nun drop. [ laughter and applause ] >> yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] it was -- i couldn't believe what happened. i couldn't believe my eyes. >> seth: you -- i heard you say you came up with an idea. you tried a credit confession. explain what this was. >> all right. so -- and by the way, there was no -- i have respect for -- anyway, i have a lot of respect for all religions, and even my own somewhat former religion. but anyway, you know, when you go to confession, the deal is usually on a friday, you go to confession. because if you're going to get communion on sunday, you have to go to confession. so, it was getting to that -- i ran with some really fun guys. really, really funny -- [ laughter ] really fun guys, and really, really funny. and it was at that point where,
i'm not saying a gap in my faith, but let's say a gap in my faith. [ light laughter ] and i was -- and we were getting a little older, and we were out. some of us had cars, and we were going out, and we were fun. we were a lot of fun. [ laughter ] and so, i remember thinking, i was right at that age where i was still kind of going to confession, but not as consistently. and i thought, "man, i don't know what's going to go down tonight, but it could be good." you know what i mean? >> seth: right. >> and i thought, "geez, i have to go to confession." i thought, "wait a minute. why don't i just confess some things now that may or may not happen?" [ laughter ] >> seth: and get it out of the way. >> get it out of the way, figuring if they don't, i've got credit. [ laughter ] >> seth: right, there you go. >> yeah, if nothing happens, and it's a dull night, i go, "well, i got one or two in the bank." >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] it's very forward thinking. >> yes. >> seth: people might not know this, because he's certainly one of -- he's an american icon, which is mr. rogers. >> yes. >> seth: mr. rogsh
show in pittsburgh. >> yeah. >> seth: he was a pittsburgh icon. >> i thought you were gonna say, "he shot the [ bleep ] in pittsburgh." i was gonna say -- [ light laughter ] that was not a way. >> seth: that was a good description of mr. rogers. then we can sort of shoot the [ bleep ] with his puppets. >> yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] >> seth: but you were on the crew on the mr. rogers show. >> yeah. well, i worked at the pbs station in pittsburgh, wqed. and when you worked on the crew, you did everything. you were a grip. you literally were down, working the warehouse. you're floor manage, occasionally, different shows, or, you know, you'd hang lights and strike sets. you had to do everything, and of course, i would do anything that, you know -- i once threw up -- i was gonna say lit. i threw some lights and actually acted, and that's really a stretch in a 16 millimeter film. you just look for anything you can do to break through. so sometimes, i would work for fred -- >> seth: yeah. >> on the crew. the crew, itself, by the way, to this day, are some of the funniest guys i've ever -- if you would have known what the crew -- they all, first of all, they all smell like they just came out of tom petty's trailer. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, gotya
>> seth: they must have been having a blast, working at mr. rogers' show. >> oh, man. oh, man. and they were really funny and fun guys, and he was so nice. he was such a good person and you know, and at that age, you know, you think you're hip. you think you know everything, you know, and you're reading a whole lot of stuff that you think you understand the world. and i just kept waiting for the other shoe to drop when i'd work with fred thinking, "there's no way this guy is what he seems to be." the shoe never fell. >> seth: that's fantastic. that's such a wonderful thing to hear. >> dude was just funny, he was such a good guy, honestly. >> seth: yeah, but -- >> and those guys, we all loved him, man. >> seth: yeah. [ applause ] >> honestly, really nice man. >> seth: i'm going to use that to sort of segway into talking about "the founder." >> ooh, i want to hear this segway. go ahead. >> seth: well, it's a pretty good one, because we're talking about icons, and i feel like everybody -- again, mr. rogers, you're like -- >> yes. >> seth: he's as nice as you thought he was. >> yeah. >> seth: "the founder" is about a guy who created mcdonald's who is not -- >> as nice as fred. >> seth: no, he's not. [ light laughter ] but it's such an interesting story
of, it's sort of a three-legged stool here because you have ray kroc, and you have the two mcdonald's brothers. >> right. >> seth: and ray kroc is presented as a very multidimensional character. he must have been a fascinating person to play. >> you know, as an actor, you love this stuff. so, a script comes, i read it, and i think, like most people, i think i know who ray kroc is in relation to mcdonald's. and i go, "i have no idea why anyone wants to make a movie out of this." then you read the script, and you think to yourself, "holy moly. this is really interesting." john lee hancock's the director. he was a really great director. and i have a meeting with him, so between scripts and meeting john and what john started to tell me about this back story, i was in. and the back story -- the story is so interesting, so unbelievably multi -- just levels and levels of the story, but you're right. you know, he was a guy that i actually admire a lot, ray, because he was a hard worker, totally focused, driven.
and then he turns, you know, part way through the movie. and i said to john, you know, "we better not -- i don't -- i'm not the guy to play this if you want to, like, ease up on what really went down with ray," which was not pretty. because basically -- and i said, "you can get a zillion guys to do this." and he said, "no, i don't want to -- i don't want to -- i want to play it. it's going to be harsh somewhat." and i said, "okay, i'll do it." and he never backed down. his word was good. and basically, what happens is, i didn't know there even were mcdonald's brothers. so ray kroc hears about these guys who order -- he was selling milkshake makers at the time. i'll do this really quickly, milkshake makers at the time. he's doing okay, but he was kind of a little bit on the downhill side. they orders six. he thinks this is impossible, nobody orders six. so, he goes out to see who these people are. it turns out he sees the original mcdonald's in california, and he totally gets it. he says, "i know what this is." he's arguably the first brander, really. >> seth: yeah.
and they said, "we don't think so." and he said, "i'm going with or without you." and he just bones them. >> seth: yeah, it's a real boning of the mcdonald's brothers. >> yes. [ laughter ] >> seth: but it's -- >> which was, by the way, the original one sheet. >> seth: oh, yeah, yeah. "the boning of the mcdonald's brothers?" >> yes. [ laughter ] >> seth: you know, it's -- but it's interesting because, of course, in ray kroc's success, which i think the movie also shows, like a lot of other people benefitted from his success. >> yeah. >> seth: but it is this core. >> yeah. >> seth: the difference between somebody who has an idea of how to revolutionize food. >> yep. >> seth: and then another guy who comes in and realizes how he can sort of take it over. >> absolutely. >> seth: and it's really -- i thought it was a very fair depiction. >> it is. you know, it's -- there's a lot of gray areas. and you know, when he calls himself the founder, and actually people say, "well you weren't the founder. the mcdonald's brothers were the founders." and, i guess, in ray's head, probably because he turns the screw and really almost sadistically, toward the end of the movie, just gets more and more and more from them.
and i wonder what was in him that made him had to do it. but i guess that in his head, his justification was, "you founded this thing, but i founded what i knew it could become." that's the only reason i can -- that's the only way i can rationalize what reasoning he had to say, "no, i founded mcdonald's." >> seth: the other thing that i took away from -- >> and it changed society. it changed culture, really. >> seth: it really did. >> yeah. >> seth: and it also is a reminder because until this film, you really only know ray kroc's story. you realize how the winners write the history. >> yeah. >> seth: and that is entirely what happened with mcdonald's, which is why i think this movie is so fascinating, is it's nice that someone finally tells the story of those -- >> that's a great way to put to it. that's exactly right. the winners do write the history. yeah. >> seth: which is -- means we're in for a pretty scary time. >> whoa. [ laughter ] nope. nope. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we'll see. >> let me just say this, and we could do nine hours. whatever you're doing, keep on doing it.
>> seth: all right, i promise i will. you do the same, all right? >> i mean, i don't mean the show. but i mean, like, you know "closer look" and all of that. you know what i'm saying? i don't mean to speak in code, but i love what you're doing. >> seth: thank you, man. we do a lot of code here. [ cheers and applause ] michael keaton everybody. "the founder" is in theaters friday. we'll be right back with emily deschanel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we're taking never ending to the next level, at olive garden. for the first time ever. never ending classics starting at $11.99. indulge in never ending helpings of your most loved classic dishes. how about irresistible chicken parmesan? can't decide? switch it up on a refill. plus all the garden fresh salad and breadsticks you want. new never ending classics, starting at $11.99. the best things in life should be never ending. at olive garden. [cellphone ring]
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest stars in the popular series, "bones." you can catch the 12th and final season tuesday nights on fox. let's take a look. >> you taste fecal matter in water parks? >> they're known for it. and studies show that early exposure to e. coli bacteria is beneficial to the development of children's immune systems. >> fecal matter, like poop? >> the longer we stay, the more there will b >> you know what? i tell you what, i think we should head to the library. it looks like the weather's gonna change. [ cell phone ring ] >> oh, this is yours. >> oh, look at that. body was found at rock creek park. we should get there asap. >> seth: please welcome to the show emily deschanel. ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> hi. >> seth: how are you? >> i'm good. how are you? >> seth: i'm fantastic. congratulations. 12 seasons. >> yeah. >> seth: an impossible accomplishment these days. >> basically. >> seth: congratulations. >> thank you. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, it's kind of crazy. it's a long time. >> seth: and yet, this season -- is it true that this season was the first time you directed an episode of "bones"? >> yeah. >> seth: how was it to direct an episode of a show that you knew so well at that point? >> oh, well, it was fun to put on another hat. i felt, like, you know, i have been doing the show for so long, you know. as much as every episode is different, it's still, you know, you're still acting, doing the same thing. so, to direct was a lot of fun. i felt like -- i feel -- you know, there's many things that are important as a director, but action and cut are pretty up there. >> seth: yeah. >> i think, i think. >> seth: i think -- >> there's pretty much nothing else to do, really. >> seth: most directors would say they're one and two, yeah. >> yeah, number one and number two. like, there's no decisions to make about anything else,
but i know, like, david boreanaz really want likes a -- my co-star likes, a, like, loud, strong action and cut. so i was, you know, the first day i was, like, nervous. i wanted to do -- >> seth: you wanted to nail your action and your cuts, sure. >> yes, it's pretty important. and so, like, we got the first scene, and i was like -- "and action." it was really strong, loud, so the actors could hear. >> seth: great. >> really good. but when the scene ended, i, like, panicked. i was like, "and action! i mean, stop, stop, stop! cut, cut, cut! that's the word." [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: that's great to think of an actor -- as an actor, you just melt down, when you're like, "i'm already in action." [ laughter ] "i can't do more action." >> i'm already acting! >> seth: you should have said, "action!" and they were like, "we already did it!" and you're like, "well, i didn't see it." [ laughter ] >> and that's when i wasn't in the scene. it's very confusing, too, when you have to go back. >> seth,
self-directing. >> yeah, i have to act, myself -- >> seth: yeah. >> which is, you know, very difficult. >> seth: did you think you were great as a director? >> oh, always. >> seth: yeah, yeah. >> oh, yeah. oh, no, i thought my acting was amazing, too. >> seth: right, of course. [ light laughter ] >> like, the best i've ever done. >> seth: you have had, over the course of 12 years, you've had amazing guest stars, so many over the years. is it safe to say that betty white is your favorite guest star? >> i think that's pretty safe. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: she's a fantastic -- i spent one week with her when she hosted snl. she is really the greatest lady on earth. >> she's amazing, and she just turned 95. >> seth: yeah. >> she was with us a few months ago and then, last year. and when she first came on, i came up to her and -- you know, "golden girls." i came up to her, and i was like, "betty, we're so excited that you're here. we have all talked, and we all think you are the best guest star that we've ever had on the show." and she's like, "how much have you been drinking?" [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: great. >> she'd always pretend, like, with the slate, you know. >> seth: yeah. >> and the clapper thing. and she goes, "oh, you hurt me." you know? she'd always pretend that she got hurt, and it, like, r
everyone just bought it, and it was -- >> seth: yeah. >> she'd flirt with all the guys. ugh, i mean -- >> seth: he's the best. >> ugh, a hollywood treasure. >> seth: i am -- i have one concern for you, which 12 years playing this role. there's so much -- you have so much forensic jargon in the character you play on the show. has it found its way -- has it permeated its way into your normal, everyday talking? >> well, not exactly, like, the forensic stuff, but being a stickler for rules, i kind of was already. but you can ask my husband. i'll be like, "well, statistically speaking, that's unlikely. [ light laughter ] that's improbable." or i'll be like -- and then, somehow, it's like, legally, i get into the legal aspects of things. it drives him crazy. >> seth: just in household arguments? >> well, like, he'll tell me, like, an idea for a story or, like, something somebody did. i'm like, "well, that's illegal." [ laughter ] "you can't do that." that's -- you know, i'll be, like, turning left when you're not supposed to be. >> seth: you brought bones home with you. you brought your bones home. >> yes, yes. >> seth: well, the other thing -- i know this is often a bit of a tradition, but long-running shows, people will take things from the set.
thing on the set. so this is a hardy, right, from laurel and hardy masks? >> i am guessing that's maybe what it is. >> seth: so that was -- this is the worse-looking thing i've ever seen. [ laughter ] and yet, it looks like quentin tarantino -- >> yes. >> seth: was in a -- >> yes, it does. >> seth: if his whole face had been -- it's like quentin tarantino if he opened the ark of the covenant. [ laughter ] so you -- but you took it? >> okay, i took it. we had, like, 20 minutes. they told us -- we were not prepared -- that our set was going to be torn down for our house. this has been, like, sitting on a shelf in our characters' home -- >> seth: right. >> as if that's a normal thing to have -- >> seth: yeah. >> -- on a shelf in a house. and, you know david boreanaz and i went back to say goodbye, essentially, to our pretend home. and he said, you know, "that thing almost creeped me out." so, of course, i, like, waited for him to leave, and i, like, grab -- it's huge. it's, like, this large. >> seth: yeah. >> and the fact that we thought that was just okay to have, i
just can't get past that. but i grabbed it and i wrapped it up beautifully as if it was, like, an amazing present for him.e >> seth: like your parting gift to him. >> yeah, that was my -- yes. >> seth: yeah. >> yes. >> seth: and then when he opened, it was he super bummed out that it was this? [ laughter ] >> there was another gift that was also a nicer -- the actual gift. >> seth: it was this, but laurel, so he had both. [ laughter ] >> exactly, exactly. i found it on e-bay, yeah. >> seth: congratulations again. >> thank you. >> seth: 12 years is amazing. thank you so much for being here. >> thank you, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: emily deschanel, everybody. "bones" airs tuesday nights on fox. we'll be right back with neal brennan. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is an emmy-nominated writer, comedian, and the co-creator of "chappelle's show." his latest comedy special "neal brennan three mics" is currently streaming on netflix. it's fantastic. please welcome back to the show my very good friend neal brennan, everybody.
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: hi, buddy. >> hi, buddy, how are you? >> seth: good, i'm fantastic. i'm very excited that "3 mics" is now available on netflix for everyone to see. >> yeah. >> seth: i saw it on stage when it was off-broadway, and i went opening night, and i'm not alone as being one of your friends who does this for a living -- this thing called comedy. and you had chris rock and dave chappelle were in the row in front of me. >> yeah. >> seth: and i just remember thinking, "i don't know if i'd want them at my opening night." >> i remember thinking the same thing. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> no, it was you trevor noah, john legend, chrissie teigan and then, like -- oh, and by the way dave chappelle and chris rock. >> seth: yeah. but it was nice of you guys -- there's a photo of you three after th
fantastic. [ applause ] and -- >> yeah. after that ph -- chris -- you know how chris is like incredibly insightful and, like, harsh? [ light laughter ] >> seth: his humor comes from a very insightful place. >> yeah, sometimes he'll point it right at you. so we take this picture and we then walk off to the side and someone says, "hey, neal, the photographers would like a picture of you by yourself," and chris looked at me and goes, "for the first time in your life." [ laughter ] >> seth: you -- when dave hosted "snl," absolute -- fantastic episode, which was the episode right after the election. >> yeah. >> seth: and you were there helping out that week. >> yes. >> seth: you and colin jost wrote a great sketch abohe
in and it slowly dawning on people what the outcome would be. >> yeah, that was a crazy week. that's another -- when you're friends with guys like chris, it is comforting because you see that everyone is unfunny. because he called me that week and he was like, "i got a sketch idea for dave," and i go, "what is it?" he goes, "dave in a fat suit as d.j. khaled." [ light laughter ] and i go, "what's -- what happens?" and he goes, "that's all i got." [ laughter ] so just let that be a lesson. you, too, can be as unfunny as chris rock. [ laughter ] >> seth: everybody can come up with a bad "snl" sketch. >> yeah. >> seth: even the most brilliant comedians can -- >> yeah, they're the greatest ever, yeah. >> seth: we have known each other for a very long time. >> yeah. >> seth: and one of the things i like about the special is you talk about just the idea of getting older. are you concerned about getting older? >> i used to worry about it, but after a certain age it looks like fun. like after like 75, 80, you can just do -- [ light laughter ] you do whatever you want and no one says anything to you. did you ever notice that? old people with just band-aids on their face for no reason. [ laughter ] and people are like, "yeah, i think that's, like, a time
i don't know what that is." [ laughter ] and when you're like -- at my age i'll like sneak food into movie theaters. i have seen old people openly bring food into restaurants. [ laughter ] like i was at a cheesecake factory and an old man took a hard boiled egg out of his breast pocket. [ laughter and applause ] it was right there. it was amazing and then he breaks it out over his salad and his family was like, "grandpa you can't do that." he was like, "i just did. what now?" [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, you don't want to be the manager has to go kick that guy out. >> no, absolutely not. >> seth: one of the things we talked about -- of course when we first met, a couple of single guys living in new york city, we have talked about relationships over the years. you are now, maybe, coming to the conclusion you're not good at relationships. >> i'm bad at it. i'm just bad -- i said that -- i feel like i don't know what's -- whenever i'm in a relationship i just feel like a fifth grader playing clarinet in the school band. [ laughter ] where i'm like -- [ poorly imitating clarinet
like, it's technically music but it's not good. [ laughter ] and then, like women want to talk more than i do and so i end up -- i don't have enough stuff to say so i'll end up like thinking i'll choke and panic and say something that starts a fight where i'll run out of stuff to say and i'll be like, "hey babe you know there's a girl at work with the same butt as you." why did i just say that? [ laughter ] >> seth: we've also talked about -- value systems very different -- >> yeah. >> seth: --for men and women. >> yeah. so i learned this. i took my girlfriend to hawaii for her birthday. which is just me compensating for the rest of the relationship. [ laughter ] so she was going over nice things i'd done, and she was like, "you do nice stuff for me. like you took me to hawaii." and that's when i realize women and men value stuff differently, 'cause she goes, "and two weeks ago you left me that note."
and i was like, "hey, why are those two things in the same category?" [ laughter ] do you hear the difference? there's a $3,000 difference between those two things. [ laughter ] but to women there's no difference because women love notes. [ light laughter ] they love -- they hoard them and keep them in a creepy serial killer box under their bed. [ light laughter ] and it's not just the guy you're with now. it's every guy you've ever dated. [ laughter ] like, if you find your girl's box, your notes will be on the top. there's a false bottom. there's more on the underneath it. [ laughter ] men are not good -- i think women keep notes so that when you get older you can prove to your granddaughter that you were hot once too. [ laughter ] you know what i mean? so when your granddaughter is like, "grandma, my boyfriend loves me," you'll be like you think your boyfriend loves you? i had a guy back in 2015 threaten to kill himself. read it and weep, bitch." [ laughter ] [ applause ]
>> seth: i want to make this a reccurring segment every time you come on the show, and i think you agree with me. this is a photo that was taken of us back in those early days when we were a couple of single guys in new york city. and you believe this is photographic evidence of why i am now a married man and you're single. >> holding it up, it's gonna be -- >> seth: yeah, i'll hold it up right here. >> cover my face. >> seth: okay,there you go. all right, we'll -- there you go. so there i am. >> there's seth. again, gregarious, nice, social, young guy. >> seth: down in the fray, down in the fray where the people are. >> yeah, down with the ladies. neal, what are you up to? uh-oh. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: it's like -- >> yeah. >> seth: like, what are you -- i'm picking a victim. >> yeah. yeah. ll yeah. i murdered three people later that night. [ light laughter ] >> seth: always great to see you, buddy. and congratulations on the special. >> thank you so much. thank you. >> seth: it's a fantastic show. [ cheers and applause ] neal brennan. "3 mics" currently streaming on netflix. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪