tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC March 9, 2017 12:37am-1:37am EST
[ cheers and applause ] >> fred: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york. it's "late night" with seth meyers. tonight, anna kendrick. writer and director of "get out," jordan peele. music from old 97's. featuring the 8g band with andres forero. ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers, and this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] yeah. it's great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. today is president's day. and you just know trump was up at the crack of dawn, ready to open presents. [ laughter ]
"well, then they shouldn't call it that, because that's very confusing." [ light laughter ] the president took office one month ago today, and just look at how the job has already aged him. [ laughter ] that's right. [ applause ] that's right. president trump took office one month ago today. wow. it's hard to believe the past few years has only been a month. [ laughter ] at a recent dinner, while president trump invited other attendees to order whatever they wanted, trump demanded chris christie have the white house meat loaf. coincidently, white house meat loaf is also the position trump is considering him for. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] you need a meat loaf. senator john mccain criticized president trump's attack on the media yesterday and said that
stifling the press is how dictators get started. said trump, "cool, and then, what do they do next?" [ laughter ] at a rally this weekend, president trump compared himself to abraham lincoln, who he claimed fought with the media and called them out. yep, that's who abraham lincoln was most famous for warring with, the media. [ laughter ] the north versus the media. [ applause ] a canadian teacher was suspended last week after giving her students instructions for making and injecting crystal meth. i'm sorry, suspended? [ laughter ] what do you have to do to get fired in canada? [ light laughter ] buy it for them? "eh, we're going to have to give you the day off on account of the meth. and i hate to say it but you're officially on thin ice. [ laughter ] this is your ninth and next to last warning." [ light laughter ] and finally, a colorado man recently survived a 40-foot fall
trying to make a parkour video with friends. it's the first known case of a person doing parkour and also having friends. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen we've got a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] she is one of our favorites here at "late night." she's the star of the very funny "table 19," anna kendrick is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] our friend, anna kendrick. also, he is the director and writer of an incredible new movie, "get out." he is a very old friend of mine and i'm so happy to have him back on the show. jordan peele is here everybody. [ cheers and applause ] and we will have music from an alt country icon of a band. i have loved them for a very long time as well. old 97's are here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so you guys, needless to say, you guys are here on a wonderful night. before we get to all of the that. with all of the chaos we've seen in the trump administration, you'd think trump would have spent the weekend at the white house, fixing his dysfunctional government. instead, he was in florida hitting thmp
"a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] keeping tabs on trump can be very disorienting. on one hand, you've got the genuinely ominous things he's done from declaring the free press enemy of the american people, to preemptively blaming a judge for future terror attacks. and then you've got the every day weirdness of life in the trump era. like this story about new jersey governor chris christie's visit to the white house last week. >> governor christie says president trump forced him to eat meatloaf when they dined together at the white house. >> this is what it's like to be with trump, okay. he says, "there's the menu, you guys order whatever you want." and then he says, "chris, you and i are going to have meatloaf." >> he tells you what you're eating. >> yeah, and i said, "well, we're going to have the meatloaf?" and he said, "i'm telling you, the meatloaf is fabulous." >> did you have the meat loaf? >> i did. >> it's emasculating. >> no it's not. >> another man tells you what you're eating and you eat it? unacceptable. i don't care who he is. >> it is the president. >> by the way, it is the president, a. >> and the president said you're eating the meat loaf. wo
>> i would go along with his recommendation. >> you would get the meatloaf? >> yeah. i mean, the guy eats there all the time, you would think -- and the meat loaf was good. >> seth: of course, the meatloaf was actually a second course for christie after trump made him swallow his pride. [ laughter and applause ] also, also, that whole conversation sounded like mafia slang. you're not going to have to worry about chris christie anymore. let's just say, donnie made him eat the meatloaf. [ laughter ] so that's the weird stuff, but trump is also making major changes to foreign policy. for example, last week trump dropped the u.s. commitment to a two-state solution in the israeli/palestinian conflict, which is a huge deal. and certainly not something you want to do without consulting your foreign policy team first. but apparently, trump made the move without reviewing the specifics of a new strategy, with secretary of state, rex tillerson. tillerson himself was in the air when trump announced the change. even just getting in an airplane now is a suspenseful experience under trump.
pilots are going to start giving updates on the state of the nation before they land. "it's a sunny 65 degrees in los angeles, and also, donald trump has deported all afghan hounds because he believes them to be the isis of dogs. [ laughter ] and if you look out to the right, you will see that everything is on fire." [ laughter ] the trump white house has even stumbled when it comes to posting what should otherwise be noncontroversial content to social media. like this photo posted to the official president of the united states twitter account with the #makeamericagreatagain. look how white that photo is. if you print that photo out, you can use it again as a blank piece of paper. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it's like that old joke. what has 26 thumbs and no black friends? these guys. [ laughter ] even republicans in congress are apparently starting to get frustrat w
administration. south dakota senator, john thune said there are things we want to get done here and this constant disruption and drumbeat is a distraction adding that he wanted the white house to get passed the launch stage. buddy, we are way passed the launch stage. the rocket exploded shortly after take off and the emergency raft is currently floating somewhere in the pacific. [ laughter ] he posed for it. and the dysfunction that the trump administration also seems to be scaring off some people from working at the white house. after trumps national security advisor, michael flynn, resigned last week, trump offered the position to retired admiral robert harward. who is widely respected by officials in both parties. but harward rejected the offer. as cnn's jake tapper reported, a friend of harward's said he was reluctant to take the national security advisor job because the white house seemed so chaotic. said harward, "called the offer a [ bleep ] sandwich." [ light laughter ] "we have [ bleep ] sandwiches then why did we let chris christie have meatloaf? [ laughter and applause ] wh t
[ applause ] now, harward was asked by the white house to reconsider, which he did, but according to msnbc he said no a second time after watching the presidents' press conference on thursday. huh, what about that press conference would make him not want to work for donald trump. >> you know what uranium is right? this thing called nuclear weapons and other things, like lots of things are done with uranium, including some bad things. [ laughter ] >> seth: can you imagine having to brief that guy on national security? [ light laughter ] "mr. president, iran is increasing its stockpiles of uranium." "whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down. what's iran?" [ laughter ] now today, lieutenant getneral, h.r. mcmaster, who has been widely praised, did accept the job of national security advisor. still, trump's press conference earned nearly universal criticism from the media. and trump responded to that criticism with this ominous tweet. "the fake news media failing new york times, nbc news, abc, cbs, cnn, is not my enemy, it is the enemy of the american people."
referring to the press is the enemy of the people is the kind of thing you would expect to hear from an authoritarian ruler. but here's the thing, even when trump wants to come off as an authoritarian strong man, it turns out he's still a buffoon, because that tweet was actually a second draft. the president originally tweeted and then deleted his first draft, "the fake news media failing new york times, cnn, nbc news and many more, is not my enemy, it's the enemy of the american people, sick." [ laughter ] so his big change was adding a few more news outlets and deleting the word sick. [ light laughter ] you know, when you have to double clutch on your authoritarian declarations, you sound less like a terrifying dictator and more like the guy at the bonfire who can almost play guitar? ♪ there's a lady who short ♪ no i'm sorry, i can do this better. ah, it's the [ bleep ] pick. [ laughter ] to press his case against the media, trump held a rally on saturday in florida, which his own white house called a campaign event. and it was clear the rally had one main goal, to continue trump's bashing of the free press and convinces his audience that he was the only o
be relied on to tell them the truth. >> i also want to speak to you without the filter of the fake news. they have their own agenda, and their agenda is not your agenda. we are not going to let the fake news tell us what to do, how to live or what to believe. in fact, thomas jefferson said, "nothing can be believed which is seen in a newspaper. truth itself," he said, "becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle." that was june 14th -- my birthday. [ laughter ] >> seth: my birthday. even when he's quoting a former president, he can't help but make it about himself. my birthday. as abraham lincoln said, "four score and seven years ago, which reminds me, seven years ago, i had four scores in one day, it was tremendous."
and yet, as he does so often, trump transitions seamlessly from claiming that the media makes up fake stories to making up his own fake stories. for example, in defending his executive order banning refugees, he made this mysterious claim about an incident that supposedly occurred on friday night in sweden. >> you look at what's happening in germany. you look at what's happening last night in sweden. sweden! who would believe this? sweden. >> seth: who would believe this? the answer is no one, because as fact checkers pointed out, no incident occurred in sweden on friday night. [ applause ] it turns out, what trump was referring to was not a terror attack in sweden, but a segment he saw on the night before on fox news about refugees in sweden. so trump literally saw something on fox news and confused it for reality. next thing you know, he's going to lament the terrible treatment of people with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. [ light laughter ] al
interviewed for that documentary said their answers were misleadingly edited. and they did not stand behind it. in fact, trump's mysterious comments about sweden have also apparently baffled the swedish government, which requested a clarification and left the swedish people very confused. >> now, those words about sweden sparked a quick backlash from officials in that country who wanted to know what he was talking about. >> this was front page news here on monday. it's also been the subject of a significant amount of ridicule online and just people you talk to here is making jokes. you know, what was donald trump referring to? >> seth: that's how bad things have gotten under trump. we're getting roasted by swedes now. [ laughter ] the swedish chef is like, "dude, even i don't understand a word you're saying." [ laughter and applause ] like, i can't believe they elected this smorgedy borg over there. [ laughter ]
conference and his event in florida, trump has made a series of wild and unhinged public appearances over the last few days. but there has been at least on common theme. >> i want to find a friendly reporter. are you a friendly reporter? i'm here because i want to be among my friends. >> seth: the president of the united states just wants a friend. you know, someone he can force to eat meatloaf. [ light laughter ] and at his rally on saturday, he seemed to finally find one when he spotted a supporter in the audience who he seen on tv complimenting him and called him up on stage. >> i saw this man on television just now. you. i just saw him on television. he said, "i love trump. let trump do what i has to do." that's my guy right there. that's okay. let him up. let him up. i'm not worried about him. i'm only worried he's going to give me a kiss. hop over the fence. come on. he can do it. this guy's in good shape. look at him. [ cheers and applause ] a star is born. a star is born.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome back, everybody. please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, sitting in this week, he's the drummer from the broadway smash hit, "hamilton, an american musical," the grammy award-winning album was recently certified double platinum, selling more than 2 million copies. andres forero is here. thank you so much for being around here. we're so happy to have you. >> thank you. >> seth: our first guest tonight is an oscar and tony nominated actress. you know her from her work in films such as, "up in the air," "pitch perfect" and "trolls." her latest film, "table 19" opens in theaters everywhere march 3rd, let's take a look. >> i did the table assignments with francie. how could the person who did the table assignments have no one else here? i planned half of the wedding. okay. table one is francie, dough and everyone who actually matters including teddy miller, the best man child and nikki carmichael, the second choice maid of honor. >> table two, francie's hideous, dad.
>> roger, no, he's a lovely bloke. >> roger and his trophy wife and doug's parents weren't married but miserable. table three, francie's disaster of a mother, her actual sorority sisters who are all divorced. mostly twice, sometimes more. >> what's happening now? >> four, doug's cooking college friends, five grandparents, no comment. six, doug's dad's military buddies. seven, decent cousins. eight, indecent cousins, including infamous -- miller family nymphomaniac. >> where's eight now? [ light laughter ] >> seth: please welcome back to the show, our friend anna kendrick, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: ah! >> oh, my gosh, thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much for having me back. i feel so excited, this is so great. i feel like i'm on like 24 hour prison break, because i'm shooting in atlanta right now. >> seth: oh, they just let you away for a day? >> yeah, i'm like, "what's been going on?" i don't know, i've been making a movie/musical, what's happening? the world's falling apart? great. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> fine. >> seth: i'm sorry that we're filling you in on everything that's happening, because you're in a beautif w
have to worry about everything else. >> no, no, and like my biggest problem is like we don't have a finale number and we're going to shoot it in a week, what are we going to do, ah! >> seth: we should talk about what you're shooting, you're shooting -- >> oh, the world's falling apart. doesn't matter. >> seth: yeah. >> doesn't matter. it's fine. >> seth: but you're shooting "pitch perfect 3." this is very exciting. [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm fishing for applause, thank you. i was fishing for applause. >> seth: you were, you were fishing? >> i was fishing for applause, so thank you, i needed that. >> seth: and this is very exciting. new director, choreographer. >> yeah, well her name is trish sie. and she's -- she's like, got famous doing the ok go musical video. >> seth: oh, wow, yeah. >> you know, the treadmill choreography. >> seth: yeah. >> and she's fantastic and she -- it's really helpful that she comes from the dance world, because it's involved in the movie. but some of her direction has been amazing, and i feel like i'm just like learning a lot about like what body movements are. >> seth: got you. >> because there like -- there was a scene in the first week of shooting. she came in and she was trying to get one of the characters to come do like a kind of lewd body movement. and she was like, "so, i think, you know, you're just over here yo
on the couch." [ light laughter ] and i did not know that vagina could be a verb. >> seth: i did not know that either. [ laughter ] >> but she's a choreographer, this is her world. >> seth: right. >> and i'm just trying -- i'm learning a lot. >> seth: she probably learned that at the bolshoi. that's like part of a famous choreography term. >> -- you know, i'm like, "vagina-ing." >> seth: and you shoot that in atlanta? >> yeah. >> seth: and so you actually -- the atlanta falcons were obviously, you went to the championship game. >> yeah, we went to the nfc championship game and we saw them win. and it was so exciting, but i am from new england. >> seth: right. >> so when it came to the super bowl. >> seth: right. >> thank you one person. >> seth: yep. [ laughter ] >> that's -- that's how i felt, because all the girls, you know, even if they kind of rooted for other teams, it was like, well, let's root for atlanta, we're in atlanta. we -- we got to go to the game. >> seth: but you're kind of keeping it close to the vest. >> yeah, i'm wearing a red hat, you know, because my dad would kill me if i was really rooting for another team. >> seth: and that could -- that could still be a patriots hat right there. >> yeah, that's -- excellent point. >> seth: so, super bowl, -
where did you watch? >> well, we watched it at my place. everybody came over. and, you know, atlanta was winning and i was kind of cool with it -- i had my patriots jersey on, but i was like, "it's all good." you know, we saw the game. and then the patriots started to make a come back, and i actually felt really sad about it. >> seth: yeah. >> because i was like, "oh, no." i thought like, they're going to beat me up. [ light laughter ] like we're singing and dancing all day, but they work out. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> like i was just like slowly shrinking into a corner with my patriots jersey. >> seth: and i think this -- there's -- i've never in my life seen a sporting outcome where no one was happy for patriot's fans at the end of that game. >> i know. >> seth: no one said, "well, at least patriots fans are happy." no one felt that way. >> nobody felt that way. [ light laughter ] >> seth: it was patriots fans were happy and everybody else was super bummed. >> everybody else was really upset. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah, fair enough because we're the greatest. >> seth: yeah. >> you three people, thank you. >> seth: i sort of want to talk to you about this movie, "table 19." >> yeah. >> seth: this is about, as you can tell from the clip, the lousy table -- >> the like misfit table, the people that like should have known not to go. and like normally a wedding movie revolves around the bride
and the groom and this movie is like, "who's at that table? and what are they doing?" and like the trouble that they get into. >> seth: it is actually in the film that, it's pointed out the polite thing that was expected of everybody at that table was to say, "no." >> to rsvp "no" and send something nice off the registry. >> seth: right. >> so, like that clip is -- i love that clip because it's that moment where you know you're losing an argument when you go to that place of, "you're not crazy." or "i'm not crazy, you're crazy." >> seth: yeah. >> and it's -- in that moment, she's like, "i'm not pathetic, you're pathetic. everybody's pathetic." and, you know, she's losing that argument. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: do you -- are you somebody who -- i assume you're not usually at the lousy table when you go to weddings. do you like weddings? >> oh, i try not to get invited to weddings. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> that's -- i mean it's like watching your friends put on a little pageant. >> seth: it's true. >> and you have to be in a nice dress and talk to people you don't know. >> seth: yeah. >> and i feel like i have potentially avoided making very close female friends, because i don't want to be a bridesmaid. >> seth: oh, wow! [ light laughter ]
chain and tell me i have to wear ballet pink nail polish, i will kill you where you stand. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> no. >> seth: it's a deal breaker. >> it's a deal breaker, we're not -- like i can be friends with you if you are already married. >> seth: oh, that's interesting, so -- >> i will not -- i'm not planning a trip to vegas, i'm not doing any of that. >> seth: yeah. >> i'm a very lazy friend. >> seth: everything you said made a lot of sense, and now i'm kind of -- i feel like i might try to follow that up. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: make that a plan of mine. >> just push people away if it looks like they're falling in love. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. or just even when they tell me they're getting married, i might do that thing of like, "oh, okay." like where they can tell i don't believe they should. like, "oh, wow!" >> that's a really evil path to go down. i love that about you. >> seth: not the way i thought it would break, yeah. you obviously, you have a beautiful singing voice. >> oh, thank you. >> seth: you sing in a lot of movies. >> yeah, can't -- can't stop me. >> seth: can't stop you, well this is what i want to talk about, because -- about not being able to stop. you have like a casual singing problem. i want you to explain this for a sec. >> oh, yeah, well, okay, it's one of those qualities that i findan
people, and it's so easy to recognize in other people when they just, kind of, sing to themselves, as they're doing stuff, and i'm like -- but then i do it all the [ bleep ] time. [ light laughter ] and i can't, like i'm like, oh -- ♪ these people are so annoying making a breakfast taco ♪ stop it! stop it! [ light laughter ] >> seth: so at least you know it's annoying and you -- you don't do it yourself and think, "oh, it's an earache." >> well, it's okay for me. no, no, no, i'm like, "oh, you hypocrite." >> seth: speaking of singing. you were a voice in "trolls." justin timberlake, his song's nominated for an oscar. >> i know, nominated for an oscar. >> seth: do people, do kids know that you're a troll voice? >> i thought that, because kids don't like me, fair enough. >> seth: oh, they don't? >> no. [ laughter ] and i thought that this was going to be, because a couple of my friends have like toddlers right now, and i thought, "well, this is great." >> seth: this is your in. >> like, this is my in. and my friend has like a 2-year-old, and she loves her poppy doll that sings the little songs and stuff.
me, she loves poppy, and she loves the little song." and i started singing "can't get back up again," and this child looked at me like i was a demon who had like stolen poppy's voice, like ursula the sea witch style. [ light laughter ] was like not having it, so -- it backfired. >> seth: so it really -- this stand-up failed too -- it backfired. well, look, one of these days you're going to win over one kid. thank you so much for being back. it's always so great to see you. >> my pleasure, thank you for having me. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: anna kendrick, everybody. "table 19" is in theaters march 3rd. we'll be right back with jordan peele. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's time for buy one take one, starting at $12.99. at olive garden. so you can enjoy family time one more time come on in for new grilled chicken, tossed in a creamy alfredo sauce plus all the salad and breadsticks you want and leave with a great meal too buy one take one. starting at $12.99
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>> good to see an old brother around here. >> yes, of course, it is. something wrong? >> there you are. >> ah, yes, yes. >> oh, hello, i'm philomena. and, uh -- and you are? >> chris. rose's boyfriend. >> chris was just telling me how he felt much more comfortable with my being here. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, our friend, jordan peele, everybody. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: hi, buddy. i'm so happy to have you here.
it's great be here. >> seth: congratulations on your film. i was so excited when i found out you wrote and directed a horror film. i was so excited to watch it. i loved it. i don't -- obviously, you can't give too much away, because there are a lot of twists and turns in this film. but it is -- why don't you tell us what it's about. >> oh, yeah. okay. so it is -- it's about an interracial couple that goes up to her parents' house for the weekend. and things are weird. and he's like, "do they know i'm black?" and she's like, "um, no." and he's like, "probably should have mentioned that." [ light laughter ] and then they get up there, and the whole thing sort of evolves like a "stepford wives" kind of thing -- >> seth: yes. -- except it's about race. >> seth: and she stresses that he has nothing to worry about. very liberal parents, not racist. >> that's right. >> seth: and yet, he's sort of immediately fairly uncomfortable. >> yeah. >> seth: now you are, you are a member. one half of an interracial couple. >> i am, i am. >> seth: and does chelsea peretti, your fantastic other half, does her family
think you made this movie about them? [ laughter ] >> um -- this is 100% not an autobiography. [ laughter ] i can guarantee you that. um -- >> seth: but you would have to say that. >> yes, if i was on television i would have to actually stick by that story. [ laughter ] but i -- no, i wrote this before i met her and her family. her family's very lovely. but, you know, this is based on more of, like, the african-american experience in this country at large. so i think a lot of people will relate to this. >> seth: what did you, how do you refer to it, like, sort of, a social issue horror? >> it's a social thriller. >> seth: social thriller. >> it's a social thriller. you know, this -- i got this idea, like, from, you know, "stepford wives," right? which is, like -- it's about -- that movie is about gender in a way that is -- it's deep and it's heavy but it's also, like, fun. it's also entertaining, so, yeah, that's -- that what i'm doing, and i think i -- i think i pulled it
off as well. >> thank you. >> seth: it's fantastic. now, i also want to talk about chelsea, because you're having a baby! >> i'm having a baby. >> seth: congratulations on that. [ cheers and applause ] >> wait, what? you said -- what am i -- what am i having? >> seth: you're having a baby. >> okay, okay. >> seth: and chelsea just -- she came right at beyonce. beyonce posted that instagram photo. >> yeah. >> seth: and chelsea just -- this is her saying chel-sanity, beyonce-shmonce and there she is. >> that's her. >> seth: that's her. beautiful. >> beautiful. >> seth: you can't fully see this, but, like, her face is just killing it. [ applause ] >> she's glowing. >> seth: she's glowing. >> very scary. >> seth: that's perfect expression. has the upcoming fatherhood changed your opinion about horror films at all? like, because this is a genre you've loved for a long time. >> yeah. you know, it's not changed my opinion. i mean, i am such a horror fan, when i think of baby, i think of like "rosemary's baby." >> seth: sure. [ light laughter ] >> which is -- which is pretty terrifying. >> seth: not a great baby, as far as things go. >> but yeah, no. it's scary. i don't know what to expect. i'm just hoping that, you know,
the baby resembles me by any wild stretch of the imagination. >> seth: yep. >> that it's mine. >> seth: yeah, right. [ light laughter ] >> or i can, at least, present it as such. >> seth: i -- because mine's 10 months old and nobody says he looks like me, and i'm like -- [ laughter ] okay, nothing? >> that's -- that's -- >> seth: yeah. yeah, you don't want that. >> seth: right. >> and especially, like, racially, you want it to be just like definitely a mix between you and your partner. >> seth: yeah. >> so yeah, i'm -- i'm -- i'm nervous. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> there are nights where she doesn't come home. >> seth: oh, good -- [ laughter ] >> i don't know what, i will raise that son of a "b." [ laughter ] >> seth: no matter what. >> like it was my own. >> seth: uh -- you and keegan were here right when your show ended and i was -- i, sort of, complimenting because "key and peele" had the perfect -- i felt, like, the perfect ending. you did this incredibly -- every season was great, and you got out before you had a bad season, which was so great. but i do, this day, i do miss that we do not see your barack obama impression. wo
i -- [ cheers and applause ] would you do me the honor -- would you do me the honor of just a little bit of what barack obama would be thinking right now about everything that's going on? >> well, yeah, i mean, you know, i mean, obama, he's got to be like -- he's on vacation, right, he's got to be watching, like, tv, with i'm sure, like, whiskey. this -- this some messed up stuff here. [ laughter and applause ] michelle, top her off, michelle, top her off. [ laughter ] okay. well, you done -- done did it now, america. [ laughter ] michelle, where -- where -- where am i from? where am i -- because i'm -- i'm confused to a certain point. [ laughter ] where am i from? hawaii? well, mele kalikimaka mother -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: jordan peele, everybody! "get out" opens this friday. you can find my extended chat with jordan on latni
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believe challenge you as an audience. but the thing is, other days, to no fault of their own, they just don't. they just don't have it. [ light laughter ] and the jokes they write stink. but instead of me throwing those jokes out, they made the argument, they made the argument that these jokes that were no better than a joke you would find on one of those corny popsicle sticks when you were a kid. these terrible jokes, they believe they can be saved with what they call, "kick-ass graphics." [ laughter ] let's see if they're right in a segment we call, "popsicle schtick." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] here we go. gonna take topical stories from the news and we're going to give them the popsicle stick first up, what do you call a cnn anchor with dandruff? flake news. [ slurp noise ] ♪ popsicle schtick [ laughter ] what did tony danza say when they confirmed the secretary of
who's devos? [ laughter ] ♪ that's a good popsicle stick ♪ what did the man say when his wife found his copy of "scientific american?" i only read it for the particles. [ laughter ] >> what do we want? >> popsicle. >> how do we want it? >> schtick! >> what do we want? >> popsicle. >> how do we want it? >> schtick! >> what do we want? >> popsicle. >> what do we want? >> popsicle. >> how do we want it? >> schtick! >> you're not my "late night" host, meyers. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: what is donald trump's favorite gospel hymn? "we shall overcomb." [ laughter and applause ] that one was pretty cool. i like that one.
hey, get outta here! >> popsicle stick for life. >> seth: what did he say? >> popsicle stick for life. >> seth: popsicle schtick for life. why did the polygamist cross the road? to get to the other bride. [ light laughter ] >> ladies and gentlemen, the popsicles. i'm paul schtick. and i'm john schtick. and i'm george schtick. and i'm seth meyers, and we're the popsicles. ♪ she loves your schtick schtick schtick ♪ ♪ she loves your schtick schtick schtick ♪ ♪ she loves your schtick schtick schtick schtick ♪ >> that's a good schtick. [ laughter and applause ]
>> seth: where did the man meet his wife who looks just like him? twinder. [ light laughter ] ♪ >> behold! the power of the schtick! ♪ >> give chase! >> oh, schtick. [ splash ] [ applause ] >> seth: what should you cut out of your diet if you're allergic to russian food? vladimir gluten. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> sir, do you swear to tell the schtick, the whole schtick and nothing but the schtick so help you god? >> i do not. [ audience oohs ] >> wow. people don't usually say that. i guess you're free to go. ♪
order, order in my popsicle schtick courtroom. >> oh, and your honor, one last thing. you can't handle the schtick! ♪ [ laughter ] >> seth: and finally -- [ laughter ] why does donald trump sleep with a tub of hummus? he likes it when a chickpea's in his bed. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> on your mark. get schtick! popsicle! [ gun shot ] ♪ ♪ it's the final schtick down
sticks for life put your sticks to work ♪ ♪ oohh oohh oohh ah ah ah ah huh huh huh ♪ ♪ >> on your marks, get schtick! popsicle! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we don't even find out what happens? dear god. this has been "popsicle schtick." we'll be right back with music from old 97's, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
i've got the gelato. is that ice cream? no, it's, uh breyers gelato indulgences. it looks like ice cream. it's not. can i have some? you really wouldn't like it. it's got caramel and crunchy stuff. i like caramel and crunchy stuff. it's not for kids. i'm a grown-up. breyers gelato indulgences. creamy gelato, rich caramel, topped with crunchy curls. it's way beyond ice cream. ♪ ♪ [hello moto] it's time to reimagine the smartphone. snap on a speaker a projector a camera that actually zooms get excited world the moto z with moto mods get a moto z play droid for only $10/month.
you might call patricia washington lucky. after all, not only did she play a dc lottery game once and win. she played another game and won that three times. and then she tried a different dc lottery game and won that, too. so, how is patricia doing with her bowling? well, let's just say she does better with the lottery. ♪
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: tonight's musical guests will release their 11th studio album, "grave yard whistling" this friday. performing "good with god," with guest nikki lane, please welcome, old 97's. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm not afraid i'm good with god i got my sins in fact i got a lot i got a soul that's good and flawed i'm ♪ ♪ good with god i'm good with god i'm not afraid
i've paid my debts i've ♪ ♪ made a mess but it's my bed no regrets no regrets goodness knows i've done you wrong i'm not too gone to ♪ ♪ see all's i knows i'm good with god i wonder how she feels about me i wonder how she feels about me ♪ ♪ ♪ you should be scared i'm not so nice many a man has paid a price you're pretty thick so i'll tell you ♪ ♪ twice i'm not so nice i'm
and i'll break you down i'll do it slow how's that ♪ ♪ sound you're just a joke that's goin' round goodness knows you've done me wrong i'm not too blind to see ♪ ♪ you might think you're good with god we're gonna have to wait and see i guess we'll have to wait and see ♪ ♪ ♪ oh hell no say it ain't so is it too late to save my soul where do the busted
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to anna kendrick, jordan peele, old 97's everybody. [ cheers and applause ] nikki lane, andres forero, and of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: hello there, welcome to "last call" with me, carson daly. tonight, we are here at skylark, new york city