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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  February 5, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST

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hey. charlie, w-what are you doing out here? um, our mvc patient from this morning, did anyone else come in with her? just the medics. any other mvc trauma come in, like a woman named jackie, perhaps? no. why? [ groans ] which one of you brought in bonnie drummond, the mvc from the rosedale valley? i did. you left someone behind. no. the cops -- was it pitch black outsi? yeah. go back and look. there was another woman in that car. her name is jackie something. go! go back and look! all right. all right. [ sighs ] hey. hey, charlie. what was that about? long story, and i have to get back to the o.r. [ breathing heavily ] he's hyperkalemic. listen to me. i can't think of any way to get his potassium down. he needs dialysis in the next half an hour. we can't lose him, joel. i know.
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don't let me d in an elevator. don't be silly, roddy. that's not gonna happen, okay? [ cellphone vibrates ] w-what is the status on those generators, please? you still have a couple of hours to get to dialysis. you're going to be fine. you hear me? okay. i'll be okay. [ sighs ] your scan came back clear. i am sorry about the wait, but i wanted to be sure. haven't been off the grid this long since law school. tell you what -- i'll write you a note. "graham couldn't come to work today. he was too busy saving a man's life." [ baby cries ] aah. how's he doing? your father? how'd you find out? he woke up and told us his name. you must think i'm a bad person. no. no, i don't. look. last time i took him in,
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my kid was asleep. he'd smashed the piggy bank. he was down on all fours sifting through the change saying, "god, kid, couldn't you thw a buck in there from time to time?" i didn't break his rib, did i? no. it was an old injury. someone else did it. he doesn't deserve that. he was an awful father. you turned out okay. [ scoffs ] well, the jury's still out on that one. [ chuckles ] [ breathing rapidly ] graham, are you having trouble breathing? i thought it would pass. okay. your pulse is racing. zach! graham, did you breathe in any water while you were rescuing your father fromhe pool? i don't remember. it's the chlorine. zach! [ panting ] whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! what happened? what happened? his lungs are inflamed from the water.
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alex: his s.a.t.s are low. pr oh, i love fruit cups. yeah, me too. mine's got syrup, so i like to drain it. well, these dole fit bowls are in 100% fruit juice. so you don't drain it? i drink it. dole. the only national brand that packs its regular fruit bowls in 100% juice. okay birth plan. top of the brown box. aromatherapy. lotion. woo. grey basket bottom rht. you are so organized. and the selfie stick. yeah don't give me that look... life is packing for an early delivery, and an ikea closet that's always ready.
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now i'm squeezing and nothing's happening. air's not getting into his lungs. intubation must have caused a tension pneumothorax. we need to do a needle thoracostomy. [ monitor beeping ] ready, ready? all right. betadine and a 12-gauge. okay. here we go. come on, graham. take a breath, graham.come on. okay. plan "b." jackson, get me a chest tube. any kind of tube. get me a pleur-evac box. i'll have to call upstairs. j-j-just -- just a sec. here. i got it. okay. scissors. give him 100 micrograms of fentanyl. 100 mics. okay. knife. kelly. okay, zach, when i hear that pop, i want you to have that tube ready. all ready. almost there. i'm in the parietal pleura. just a little further.
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this is gonna work, right? water pressure creates a seal. air comes out but not in. so we don't kill our patient. unclamp. [ gurgling ] [ exhales sharply ] pulse is stabilizing. good work, reid. [ sighs ] you, too, zach. [ monitor beeping ] the repair is holding. so now we just got to warm her up. okay, so, let's run through our options. warming blankets. carol? carol: i'll see what i can find. okay. what else do we have that works? we still have oxygen, running water. okay, well, hot water bottles aren't sterile, so what else do we have that's warm? saline. saline. okay, somebody get me 4 liters and a sterile bowl. on it. remember that big blackout like 10 years ago? we just sat on the patio, drank wine, lit candles.
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on their patio beside us arguing? oh, yeah. about mike tyson. one of the great intellectual debates of our time. well, it wasn't much of a debate. i mean, he bit the guy's ear off. oh, please. it wasn't the whole ear. okay. where are we at? um, 27 degrees. she's getting warmer. keep the saline coming. [ sighs ] you've got time, roddy, okay? you're gonna be fine. you should be studying your flashcards. save your strength. i can study later. joel, quiz her. she's gonna need help. give me the cards. get the cards. [ breathing deeply all right, let's quiz her, roddy. let's see what we've got here. okay, maggie, "which of the following clinical scenarios "is least likely to describe paraneoplastic syndrome "resulting from small-cell tumors of --" [ breathing stops ] roddy? roddy!
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no way. no, no, no. okay. let me clear his head. give me a second. give me a second. get it down. [ grunts ] come on! [ panting ] [ grunts ] there's no pulse. [ sniffles ] maggie. hey. [ sniffles ] maggie. [ whimpers ] maggie.
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we were 10 feet away from saving his life. [ monitor beeps ] charlie: okay, saline worked. take h off the pump. okay. we've done our job. let's see if she's up for it. going down to half flow. the heart's swelling. it's too weak to pump the blood. [ sighs ] going back to full flow. start again. okay, the heart muscle is too weak. they suld have found her by now. charlie, you want to try your flaky talky thing? now's the time. come on, bonnie. give us a hand here. [ sniffles ] it's too late. i killed her.
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i'll be back. charlie! [ monitors beeping ] hey! paramedic: hey. found her in a ditch 20 feet from the crumpled car. i don't know how she lasted this long. they found her? how are her vitals? when we found her, she was hypotensive, bradycardic. her s.a.t.s were 84. we got them up to 95 with a high-flow mask. okay. thanks. nice -- nice work. no. what does that mean? what did he just say? is that good or bad? do you know where you are? why isn't she answering? she should be. miss, do you know your name? jaie! your name is jackie! [ cries ] okay, we can't wait for him anymore. give me the paddles. i'm gonna shock her. we're gonna try again. carol, can you man the pump? carol: yes, i can. [ electricity charging ] zach: miss, do you know your name? where's bonnie [ gasps ] do you know your name? jackie.
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okay. that's good. no signs of concussion. no long-bone fractures. vitals in the q5, but let me know if anything changes, okay? i'll never forget this. you will. that is one healthy-loing heart. charlie, welcome back. all right, let's do a little housekeeping and close her up. heart's beating on its own? gave it a little jolt. that must have been it.
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wow. looks like someone forgot to sing the clean-up song. it's pretty great. not if you're the janitor. no, i mean it just shows how full of life this place was today, how hard we worked to keep it together. is it kind of weird that i just want to leave it like this? i mean, at least for a few more minutes. zach, are you okay? i think i just miss my house, my kids, you know, running around, spilling things. i just -- the motor lodge is surprisingly ne and tidy for a...motor lodge. do you want to stay over tonight? is that a good idea? i promise not to take advantage of you in your time of need. unless you ask politely. yeah. i can live with those terms. my place is a mess.
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your son is doing well, mr. kennedy. nobody's called me that in a very long time. how are you feeling? if i'm being honest? like i need a drink. there's a long-term subsidized hospice affiliated with the hospital. i think you'd be an excellent candidate. i'd like to put your name forward. why would you do that for me? 'cause you need to be somewhere safe. mm. i-i don't think i should go in. he won't want to see me. he saved your life. i think he might. mr. kennedy, your son is a good person. he's the best thing i ever did. so maybe you should be there when he wakes up. yeah, i'd like that. okay.
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there you are. you press the call button if you need anything, okay? hey. hey. that was quite a surgery, huh? what's going on with you, charlie?
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that other surgeons discount, right? yeah, like crystals and dream catchers and not shopping when you have pm right? i'm worried about you. ever since your coma, you do strange things. i mean, you don't tell people why. i... i think you're having a breakdown. you don't have to worry about me, dawn. well, i do. and i can't stop. don't do that. i'm in love with alex. does she know what a mess you are?
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maggie. i'm lifting your suspension. you can start back in the o.r.tomorrow, okay? do you even care that he died? i'm sorry that we lost someone today. 'cause you just jump back into chief mode as if nothing happened. look. this person was a patient. he wasn't a friend of ours. i think you should probably recognize the difference between the two. you wanted him to live as much as i did. hey, maggie. what? i don't think i er told you how sorry i was your father died. thank you. okay. hush now, baby, don't you cry see your dreams up in the sky
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so, i'm gonna go ahead and blame my behavior on the heat. this uniform is hot. i'm used to being naked lately and the a.c. in my rig wasn't working. stop it. please? [ inhales deeply ] bed one. what are you talking about? you don't remember? no. you were eight. i was six. and we were lying awake on these bunk beds -- the es on mcdonald ave. see, how do you remember those things? mom was on a bender. right. and i [chuckles] i promised you i-i would never be like her. you were just a kid. she was bed one, the sickest patit our whole childhood. and she sucked up all the attention, all the worry. know you are not wrong i promised you i'd never do that.
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you make all these promises about things you won't do when you grow up. [ inhales sharply ] i also promised that i would never spit on a hanky and then rub it on your ce, and i did that, too. or eat that cake with the nuts in it. [ both chuckle ] i promise i'll never wear two rings on one finger like uncle ralphie. [ inhales sharply ] hey. you're not a burden to me. yeah, i am. i am. you and me, we're like a child i could change. yeah. it's gonna change. okay. but you were greatoday! oh, no, no, no! please, don't do that! i promise i'll change! why do you always have to hug? i'm a human emotional blanket. it's too hot. it's okay. i don't like forest-hug time! charlie: all rit, break it up.
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but i have to move out. whatever. i'll believe it when i see it. one for you. six for us. we'll need it. mm-hmm. [ chuckles ] "the defriender." that's what people are calling me? that's what the nurses are calling you. okay. u know what? if it means what i think it means, i have not "defriended" a nurse... (chuckles) in, like, almo three months.
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yes, i am, actually. that's... great. that's amazing. yeah, i mean, it's early days, yeah. she's a sweet girl, though. she has a kid, actually. i'm happy for you. okay, we are on the wrong road. and that little bouncy ball is totally gone. we're gonna have to find somewhere stop. don't worry about it. it's like a big resort. there'll be signs for it everywhere-- oh, i remember this well,joel... what? your instinctive sense of direction. we will get somewhere, but it won't be the trauma conference. it'll be a b&b where you make your own jam. ouch! holy! you know what? (chuckles) one--my jam was delicious. two--you had an excellent-- joel, that's not the point. you had an excellent time on that trip. and you know what? for the record, i cannot believe that charlie-- you know, i can't believe that any man would give up a dirty weekend with you at a medical conference just to go and pick up his friend at the airport, i'm just saying. it's ford. it's his best friend. (singsongy) dirty weekend. that's why you don't have any friends. by the way, charlie is coming. he's just running late. (chuckles) hey, there's a gas station. pull over.
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(siren whoops, radio chatter) hey. zach, this, uh, fiend here is thomas ford-- my friend, former roommate, and general hell-raiser. (gurney clacks) welcome, thomas ford. what, uh, is the problem? um, ford flew commercial from the central south african republic with some apparent leg trouble. exactly. i traveled thousands of miles, and he's mad because i screwed up his plans with who? alex. alex. alex? i don't know. i stopped at dawn, buddy. (chucks) you met alex, ford. we had four bottles of wine, yeah, i don't rememb names until i'm sure they'll stick, my friend. so what do you do over there in the central south african republic? i take picres. you ever see that photo of the, uh, woman in karachi holding her child-- the one with the, um-- with the eyes in front of the thing-- you took that? yeah. i got it, i got it, i got the leg. (grunts) thanks, charles. my hero. (grunts) all right. start a dopamine dripand get him pip tazo. so what happened? you, uh, get shot over there? no. i got hit by a truck. got too close to the action.
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but i had a sense i should get home to a real doctor. scissors. he flew like this? he greased the flight attendants. charles, open up the present. (indistinct conversations) (gasps) oh. oh. (chuckles) (groans) charles... you can fix this, right? where are you going? to change. i'm late, and i don't really want to give my presentation in a pair of jeans. ooh, i remember this one. what? the inevitable breakdown that happens whenever you think you're gonna be late. okay, this isn't a breakdown. i have to give a speech on the laparoscopic repair of diaphragmatic injuries in an hour and a half. and the last time i checked, we were, oh, two hours away from the damn hotel. we're closer than two hours.
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i've got it. okay. so, uh... do you want me to change the dinner reservation then? (charlie) uh, probably. i'm sorry, honey. i know this was supposed to be our weekend-- give me that. give me that. alex reid, you gorgeous woman, lover of charles, healer of mankind. shouldn't you be in some war zone somewhere, ford-- sneaking into some beautiful woman's tent? (chuckles) al, i love you. i know charles loves you. but you're gonna have to stay-- for the mome at least-- separated, for i am in need of a physician. and the physician i need is the samman that you love. charles is his name. are you stoned? no. no. it's probably the pain meds. this is very real, i assure you. ther she totally forgives you. stop talking, please. up his dopamine, and give him 25 mikes of fentanyl. and hit him over the head with a baseball bat.
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i will get on the ad as soon as i can. but, um... ford's... kind of in a bad way. (sighs) in a bad way, like, hungover? no. balike his leg is mangled and he's septic. i'm sorry, honey. i gotta go. (sighs) he's your friend. fix his leg. (sighs) i love you. love you. (cell phone beeps) (gas tank lid clunks) (birds chirping) (cash register beeps) (woman) you're gonna have to muzzle that dog. (sighs) (woman) i know. he's aggressive. (man) bring me down make me blue you might want to get that checked out, man. what? the tattoo. whoever did that does not know how to autoclave. it's--you might want to get checked out for hep-c as well, by the looks of things. it's prey bad. what are you, a lawyer? no, i'm a doctor, man.
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you could--you don't want a deep infection, or-- are you-- are you feeling okay, man? yeah. yeah. are you feeling okay? yeah. i'm really good. i just-- hey, energy drink, you goa pay or what? (gun cocks) empty the cash. whoa, dude! right now. on the counter! don't stand there! do it! okay. gimme your wallet. gimme me your keys, phone, everything, now! yeah. y-you got it! (slaps counter) on the counter! on the counter! move it! move it! move it! okay. hurry up! hurry up! (slaps casregister) empty it! let's go! quick, quick, quick, quick, quick! motor! where's the safe?! we don't have a safe. you don't have a safe? no. hurry up! hurry up! look, okay. these are my car keys, all right? (keys jingle) okay, man, it's parked outside. take it. (keys jingle) (gun clicks) that's it?! that's all?! dude, the car's worth a lot of money. just take it. (door bells jingle) joel, did you fi-- alex! lie down! lie down on the ground! okay! give me the purse. throw it to me. okay, okay! okay, buddy, you got what you wanted. it's-- you, move! go! go! (gnts) (objects clatter, bills rustle) (whispers) stay down. (coins jingle) where's the money?!
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you have all our money! shut up! (grunts and groans) (objects clatter) joel! (groaning) i got it. ugh! how is she? let me see it. (tires peal, vehic departs) ah, it hit her femoral vein. she's bleeding out. -- captions by vitac -- attention kmart shoppers...
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never underestimate the power of energizer. our longest lasting energizer max ever. for the 51 million of us who may need a different kind of underwear, this is depend silhouette active fit. it's slim and smooth so wearing it is no big deal. get a free sample of depend at underwareness.com 's your name? diane. okay. diane, we're doctors. (grunts) we're gonna take care of you. okay? (breathing heavily) we need to che for an exit wound. let's roll her. yeah. you ready, diane? (grunts) (groans) (strained voice) ow. oh, yeah. yeah. there's an exit wound here at the gluteal fold.
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all right. let's lower her. (groaning) i will keep pressure. we've gotta call for medics. you know, he's got my phone. mine was in my bag. does the wall phone work, diane? yeah. works great. okay, i got it. (phone receiver clatters) i know you're scared, but i'm here with you the whole way, okay? come on. come on. yes, i would like an ambulance, uh, at the gas station off rural route 3, please. we're on concession road 4. concession road 4 is what i meant. stay with me. okay, well... yes. you're doing a good job, diane. uh, i'm a doctor. i'm telling you that we have a woman here with a serious g.s.w. in her upper thigh. (sighs) okay. uh, yeah, okay. (telephone dings) what do we got? 45 minutes. what? i said 45 minutes, alex. joel! (diane) how long you guys been married? (grunts) all right, thomas. i'm going to tell you exactly what's happening, and i know you won't freak out. (chuckles) do i get more awesome drugs if i do freak out?
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it's broken in several places. and that crazy-looking thing is keeping your leg from falling apart. but the whole thing is badly infected. i gon--am i gonna lose my leg? the infection has spread to your lymph nodes. so you might-- you might lose your leg, yes. (sniffs) great. a war photographer in a wheelchair. you'll see all the women tearing up over that one, huh? charlie... (sighs) charles. hombre.... i can't work with one leg. we'll do the best we can, okay? no, don't give me that line, all right? just... fix my leg. you'll let me do my job? (monitor beeps) you're pissed off at me, huh? for screwing up your weekend? yeah. yeah, i am pissed off at you. (laughs) but alex is gonna understand. because she knows i never get to spend any quality time with you. oh, that's sweet. it is, isn't it? she must be the one.
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hey, charles. see ya on the other side. (whooshes) (wrapper crinkles) okay, so obviously these are for cars, but they'll do for now. i'm sorry i snapped at you before. that's okay. diane, how are you feeling? cold as a well digger's ass. runts) can you grab that blanket for me? you got it. okay. diane, you're in sck. we're gonna get you warm, and we're gonna get you help. where's jack? jack? my husband. where's your husband, diane? he's outside. okay. well, i'll go look for your husband as soon as we get this bleeding under control. i had needles and sutures in my car. well, i hope he's enjoying his joyride. where's your car parked, diane? it's busted. jack's working on it. that's good to know. pulse is thready. her wound won't stop oozing. we need to tamponade the bleeding. okay, i need a tube, something narrow, dental floss, and a condom.
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yeah, we are. yes, ma'am. this is bewildering. it is really bewildering. every doctor gs a complaint at some point. i mean, if you want to come in and talk about it-- what? that would be absurd. hello. what is that for? i'm going into an 8-hour surgery. i thought i'd get some sugar first. can i get your opinion on something first, dr. lin? i have a patient with a brain tumor. and he's lodged a complaint against me. wh apparently, i have bad bedside manner. (scoffs) really? (chuckles) well, you kinda do. now i have to tell him that his tumor was wrapped around his brain stem. he's terminal. see, don't say it like that. look, i don't see why he expects false empathy along with the facts. it's not gonna change his outcome. well, not all empathy is false, right? mnh-mnh. studies show that patients actually do better if they feel theidoctor likes them. not mi . you see, the brain-- it has no nerves. this whole thing is ridiculous.
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you should be happy yours can still get mad. i just don't know what he wants from me. look, those complaints can haunt you, shahir. medicine is like fast food these days. customer's always right. you should take this seriously. i gotta go. see ya. she's right. especially if you want to be chief one day. i do want to be chief. except for the dealing with the people part. but i would just delegate that once i had the power. ay! not that i would abuse the power. no, no, no. i would be a benevolent dictator. sothing a little bit more nicer--benevolent. that's the key word here. "benevolent." dr. hamza-- and if i was your-- why don't you let me help you out? how? come with me. (monitor beeping steadily) steadily) god, that ex-fix is gnarly. i know. i've seen better surgical equipment in the tower of london. (nail clatters) how did he get on a plane with that? how? 'cause he's thomas ford, that's how.
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(clatters) so we're doing an above-the-knee amputation? no. we are saving the leg. his mess sco is 8. that usually indicates an amputation. i've known this guy since coege. we're saving his leg. okay. knife. (nail clatters) we'll cut away the infected tissue, irrigate the wounds... (nail clatters) and see what we've got. it's gonna be a long day. well, my weekend's already shot. (thud) um, dr. harris? hmm? maggots. are you sure you wanna save the leg? (clacks)
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(blows air) all right, diane. this suld put pressure on your femoral vein and stop the bleeding. here you go. thanks. and for the record... you know, alex and i were never married. you seem miserable enough. well, i asked her once, actually. you did not. what do you mean, i did t? after you passed your board exams, i made you that dinner. you came home, off shift, late... (sighs) threw some noodles on, and asked me if i wanted to get married. no rin okay, i was a first year resident. jack bought a ring from the vending machine. see? now that's romantic. (sighs) not... (imitating joel) "hey, alex, do you want to try the whole marriage thing?" that's not my voice. (laughs) okay, this is going to hurt, but it's gonna get you better. okay, you ready? not really. here we go. (groaning) that's it. good job, diane. it's okay. hang in there. (groaning continues) that's it, diane. ohh! (grunts) there we are. did it go through? yeah, you're looking good.
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here we go. yeah. (blows air) very nice. (panting and groaning) oking good. another one. yeah. (grunts) the bleeding stopped, diane. (crying) nice work. look at that. where's jack? okay. i don't know how lo it'll hold. okay. i'm gonna look for your husband now. okay, diane? mm. you should wait here. okay. you did a good job. you were very brave. (door bells jingle) jack?! jack! hey! hey, buddy. jack. jack jack, can you hear me? hey... now. (fingers slapping)
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liberty mutual insurance. why are all these people so asleep, yet i'm so awake? did you know your brain has two systems? one lps keep you awake- the other helps you sleep. science suggests when yohave insomnia, the wake system in your brain may be too strong and your neurotransmitters remain too active as you try to sleep, which could be leading to your insomnia. ohh...maybe that's what's preventing me from getting the sleep i need! talk to your doctor about ways to manage your insomnia. and they're off! should we tell them there are more? they'll figure it out,
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floyd doesn't believe he can get his taxes done for nothing. so we brought in dr. kaku to explain what we mean by nothing.
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intuit turbotax. roast it... roast it... roast it... slice it. new, hand-carved slow-roasted sirloin. perfectly paired, perfectly served... and starting at just $10.99?! it's dinner time at outback. (grunting) that's it. that's it. welcome back. the you go. kid in an audi tried to run me over. actually, it was a lexus. whatever it was, he was trying to hit me. well, i'd say that he succeeded. he didn't hurt diane, did he? that kid looked shifty. your wife's gonna be just fine. tell me something. does this hurt? aah! i'll take that as a "yes." (grunts) can you wiggle your toes? uh--uh, yeah. but my leg hurts like hell. is it broken? yeah, its. luckily, you're built like a russian mountain climber, though, so you're probably gonna be fine. do you have creeper inside or something? uh--uh, yeah. all right. just--i'll be right back, okay? trust me. (grunts) (weakly) okay, all right. stay still.
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alex! hey! (alex) joel? i found jack. he's got a broken femur, a concussion, he might even have a spinal fracture. car threw him at least 10 feet. can you move him? well, i can't just leave him out there. how's she doing in there? hanging in there, barely. you know what we could use right now? an ambulance. yeah. okay. let's do some role-playing. zach will be our patient. hey, zach. do you mind, uh, doing some role-playing with us? um, sure, yeah. can i have an eye patch? sure. okay. my patient doesn't have an eye patch. then no. all right-- okay. whoa--whoa. what do i got? like, a brain problem, i guess? a glioma. yikes. no, i can do that. okay, what do i do for a living? oh, you play the piano. okay, yeah. am i more like, uh, like liberace? or like billy joel? are you--are you asking about your sexuality? no. i'm asking about my style of playing. but wait, am i gay or am i straight? well, you should know by now. doesn't matter. you should-- okay, then just riddle me this--
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it doesn't matter, de niro. you're thin, and that's not a riddle. let's just start. zach, you be the patient. okay. shahir, try to talk to him about his condition. okay. okay. (clears throat) mr. penn, you're gonna die. what? why? i don't understand. i'm a good christian. okay, so make eye contact, speak slowly, use active listening. don't be afraid to use physical contact. (man speaking indistinctly over p.a.) (clears throat) (clears throat) well, your... tumor has enveloped your brain stem. i've never seen anyone survive this, ever. i should also mention-- perhaps tangentially-- that the efficacy of prayer in these circumstances has been shown to be of limited benefit. how's that? all right, jack. we do not have a neck immobilizer, but we do have this... fine pillow from your wonderful store--$9.95. and i'm gonna duct tape your head to keep it stable.
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oh, and the best part is when we take it off, you get a free haircut. diane likes my hair. yeah? what else does diane like? ah... poker... wine... public radio. how about you? what kind of music do you like? uh, classic rock. my dad liked that. do you like to crank it in the garage when you're working on your cars? yeah. diane likes bluegrass. opposites attract. yeah. that's how you know you're gonna be with someone, right? 'cause they make you mad? okay, we're good to go. (grunts) okay. (vehicle approaching) (grunts) we're gonna be okay. hey! hey! you just gotta listen to my voice. we're gonna get you guys out of this. okay. (exhales) anything? nothing. (both exhale sharply) (grunts)
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this is gonna be a bumpy ride. okay. just hold tight, buddy. okay. (wheels clacking) (grunting) (monitor beeping steadily) i think i got 'em all. and that, ladies and gentlemen, is why i gave up composting. and the presence of maggots in the wound means what, dr. lin? that the patient delayed seeking treatment. that the patient's leg is severely infected. (object clacks) that the patient has a very high pain threshold. basically, your friend is a superhero. i mean, this guy is insane, right? there's a bunch of metal artifact fromld wounds in here. shrapnel, probably. (clinks) is--is that a bullet? yeah. (monitor beeps) (tape ripples) they fixed y up good, jack. (strained voice) yeah.
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and got blood all over your blanket. so you might want to reserve judgment. you hanging in okay, sweetness? yep. i'm doing good. joel. yeah. he didn't get the lockbox. (jack) you know how much was in there? no. 85 bucks. nearly got us killed for less than 100 bucks. (chuckles) that's love. (alex) hi, this is dr. alex reid. my colleague called at least an hour ago. we're at the gas station on concession road 4. i've got a g.s.w. and a man who was run over by a car here. we need help. any kind of help would be great. no. i-i'm not yelling. thank you. where's the ambulance? on its way to town with our meth head in it. he crashed your car. okay. so... are they sending another ambulance? yeah, from cobourg. that's two hours away. hey. diane? diane? what's going on? her shock is getting worse.
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an antibiotic nail. that's right. now it sounds like exactly what it is. we hammer this into the tibial canal, it stabilizes the fracture and fights the infection at the same time. neat. now clean this up and expose the screw holes. t it. hey, is this your pal with the, uh, iron maiden on his leg? yeah, word travels fast, huh? oh, my god. what the hell happened to him? bit of a long story, dana. well, you wante to put a free flap on that? that is the plan, dana, yep. oh, wow. i wished you'd called before i came down, 'cause there's no way. well, i can't just leave it exposed. yeah, but to put in a free flap, i have to borrow muscle from the other leg, leaving a big hole. and then, say the flap doesn't take, gets infected. now the guy's got two bad legs. or it goes the other way. and the healthy muscle helps mobilize the antibiotics, and helps fight the infection better. mallet. (clanking)
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cut it off! (clanking stops) (sighs) anybody else smell smoke? look close, werther's is making sugar free caramels, classic hard and deliciously chewy. that are so smooth, rich and creamy you won't believe they're sugar free. discover werther's original sugar free. aging is not just about wrinkles. your skin could be losing volume. revitalift volume filler from l'oreal with hyaluronic acid. cheeks are fuller. wrinkles, smoother. i can see the difference
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never underestimate the por of energizer.
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(dana) charlie, you have to amputate. face it. (sighs) dana, i know the patient, and we have to try. you want me to cut a piece off his good leg and sew it onto t bad leg.
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you're just prolonging his suffering. suffering, he can handle. it's kind of his thing. if you go down this road, there's no turning back. you're committed. so no more bikini contests. he'll get over that. dana, every major decision i've made in my life, i've asked this guy's advice. he's like a brother to me. i owe him this. so... help me. (monitors beeping) (sighs) all right. thank you. put in the locking screws and dress the wound. mm-hmm. (glove snaps) her pulse is 130. and she's unconscious. she must still be bleeding out. check it. (whispers) yeah, yeah, yeah. (normal voice) no. the tamponade is still holding, but she'lost a lot of blood.
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yeah, she needs fluids. she needs blood. yeah, she does. i'm o-negative. universal donor. and she can have my blood. i-i can--just give us a second while we figure this out, jack. no, why don't you stop talking and do something? okay, we will do something about it, jack. just--why don't you just hold your wife's hand for--for a second while i talk to dr. reid? come talk to me. alex, are you seriously talking about doing a live transfusion? it could save her life. yeah, or not. either way, you are out of your mind. well, she's gonna die if she doesn't get some fluids in her. and a root beer out of the fridge isn't gonna do it. okay, you're talking about cutting into your wrist, okay, the cephalic vein. now you are a sueon. okay, you're a magnificent surgeon. your hands are your life. aren't we supposed to help people, joel? isn't that why we're surgeons? but if you cut a tendon, or if you cut an artery, you might not able to operate again. well, i won't, if i'm such a good surgeon. now i need something that i can use as a needle. alex, i'm telling you, this is a terrible idea. i know it is. so help me.
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would you like me to turn this tv on? (strained voice) no. i can get a volunteer to ce in and get you some juice, maybe a magazine-- is it just me, or are you talking... really loud? it's quite normal after brain surgery for things to seem very noisy and bright. (monitor beeping steadily) (telephone ringing in distance) how are you feeling? terrible. i hear you saying, "you feel terrible." i feel like somebody just... banged my head against the ground. mm-hmm. i hear you saying, "you feel like somebody has banged your head against the--" (sighs) stop. dr. hamza. i-- i complained about your bedside manner because you seemed completely unaware that i was a human being... with feelings. but this is... this is worse. i just--i just don't know how to be. just be yourself.
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the surgery didn't go as well as i'd hoped. we weren't able to remove all of the tumor. and i just find people so confusing sometimes. i get it. (whispers) i get it. tell me about your humming. i-i've heard you humming. what? this? (humming) hmm. "gymnop\die no. 1" by erik satie. i've always preferred mozart. more notes. my life's work so far has been recording all of satie's piano pieces, but... i don't think i'm going to get around to this one.
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you have a month. (exhales deeply) i, um... (voice breaking) i think i'm gonna close my eyes for a moment, if you don't mind. (clicks) hey, man... you can't smoke in here. (clicks) dude, i'm a ghost. well, i... heard your real lungs. so... just do me a favor. don't. (sighs) lay it on me. what? the... advice. come on, man. you've been telling me what to do since we were, what, 19 years old?
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