tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS March 28, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
welcome to the "late show," everybody. i am stephen colbert. it feels great to be back after having a week off. you know what one week of vacation does? it primes you for another week of vacation. (laughter) i was really finding my vacation groove there at the end. it was so nice. i went down to the bahamas and split a house with a friend of mine: captain morgan. (laughter) great guy, but i'm worried about him. he's got a real problem. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: and he kept showing up in my mirror at night. (laughter) did you have a good week? what did you do, jon? >> jon: i wasn't hanging out with the captain. >> stephen: you don't hang out with him ever, do you? >> jon: no, i can't hang with him for too
i was just here and -- >> stephen: stayed right here on stage? >> jon: no, here, like, home. >> stephen: in new york city? >> jon: yeah. i don't want to tell you my address, though. (laughter) >> stephen: not asking you for your address. i'm not a stalker. >> jon: i was just trying to imply i was in new york without telling you where i live. >> stephen: okay. that's fine. i know where you live. >> you do? >> stephen: i do. have i told you or -- >> stephen: no, i found out where you live, jon. i'm not going to have someone work for me and not know where you live. what if you don't show up, i have to send somebody to get you. >> jon: you can do that? (laughter) (applause) >> stephen: yeah! i can do that, so watch it! you know who else had a great week? bernie sanders. (cheers and applause)
saturday, he won three caucuses: washington, alaska, and hawaii, where voters said "aloha" to bernie sanders, and to hillary clinton they said "aloha." that's an exciting three state sweep for senator sanders. what was that magic that put him over the top? i'd say it was this moment on friday. >> now, you see, this little bird doesn't know it. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: yes, a bird landed on bernie sanders podium. what are the odds that a bird would be attracted to an old man who looks like he has bread in his pockets? (cheers and applause) (laughter)
'course this is not necessarily a sign that bernie is the chosen one. it is spring. birds are everywhere. in fact, i've got a bird right here in the studio who's going to help me sing a happy song about spring. come on, mr. bird! say hi, everybody! >> hi, everybody. hi there! hi there! ♪ >> stephen: yeah. now, mr. bird, do you want to join me in a happy song of spring? >> i'd love to! but first, i want to talk to you about america's vanishing middle class. >> stephen: oh, okay. wait, are you the bird that landed on bernie's podium? >> what? no! that was a finch, i'm a bluebird. so all birds look alike to you? you're a racist. >> stephen: no, i'm not.
i was confused. i'm sorry. how about we sing that song about spring. >> how about we sing about how 1% of the birds at america's parks get 99% of the bird seed! far too many birds in america cannot even afford food to regurgitate into the mouths of their young. join the revolution! feel the bird! (laughter) >> stephen: okay, i think we've got the message. you're voting for bernie sanders. >> no, no. my heart is with bernie, but i'm voting for trump. >> stephen: why trump? >> my whole family could nest in his hair. (laughter) >> stephen: thank you. thank you very much. fair enough. well, we've got a great show for you tonight. star of the hank williams biopic "i saw the light," tom hiddleston is here. (cheers and applause) >> oh, he's
>> stephen: and from the broadway show "she loves me," laura benanti. (cheers and applause) >> love her! >> stephen: and we'll have a musical performance from frightened rabbit. >> they're a great band, or so i've heard from my friends. ( band playing ) >> stephen: oh, do you hear that? that's the sweet sound of jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. (cheers and applause) they're about to feed you the funk worm, but before they do, one more thing. the oculus rift virtual reality headset is available for purchase today, unless you've been wearing one this entire time. (band playing) >> announcer: tonight...
>> yeah, it feels good to be back. feels good to be back. >> stephen: really great to be back. refreshed. jon, you're a basketball guy. >> right. >> stephen: have you been following march madness? >> jon: i like the bulls. >> stephen: i like the bulls, too. but they're not a college team. so you don't follow it at all? >> jon: no, i haven't been following march madness. >> stephen: no? >> jon: i like duke when i watch basketball. >> stephen: they played last week. >> jon: oh. >> stephen: i'm pulling for villanova right now. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: i was pulling for u.v.a., but they collapsed in the face of syracuse last night. yeah. the last minute they gave up, like, 27 points to 8 points in the last six minutes of the game. it was the biggest stomping virginia's had since 1865. yeah, it was sad.
>> jon: they messed up bad. >> stephen: so you haven't watched at all? >> jon: i'm just doing other stuff when the game's on. like i'm asleep or i'm eating. >> stephen: and how late do you sleep? the games are on at night and, you know, how furiously do you eat? you can't get your eyes around a burger to look at a screen. >> jon: wait... what day is it? >> stephen: it's monday! >> jon: sometimes you lose track. you get into the music and it takes you into another space. >> stephen: oh, i see. >> jon: then you wake up and it's time to come back here. (applause) >> stephen: i get it. no, no, i understand. sometimes you wake up and go, oh, it's time to go back there. i know that feeling. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: one of the things i know you like you s
of time sleeping. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: and one of the things i learned when i first started off in comedy, actually. there was a woman at the second city in chicago where i started off and she said to people who wanted to do this for a living, she said, i'm glad, be prepared to spend a lot of beautiful days in dark, dirty rooms. >> jon: wow, that's true. >> stephen: a lot of beautiful days in dark, dirty rooms. so when i'm on vacation, i love being outside. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: the wind in my hair. the grass under my feet, the park ranger with the flashlight in my face, saying, "sir, where are your pants?" (laughter) so i'm pretty alarmed about some news i just heard. environmental scientists have tested the salmon in the puget sound out around seattle, and they found that because those salmon are near all these wastewater treatment plants, they are full of drugs including prozac. you know, i don't blame them. if i spent my life swimming in waste water, i would definitely need a mood stabilizer.
thanks to contaminated puget sound water, like this water here, scientists found that those salmon also contain flonase, aleve, tylenol, advil, benedryl, cipro, paxil, valium, zoloft, tagamet, oxycontin, darvon, and lipitor. consult your doctor to see if salmon is right for you. (applause) side-effects may include everything. but here's the real kicker. the puget sound salmon also tested positive for cocaine. that's right, primo fish flake. bolivian gill powder. neptune's nose caviar. the devil's sea salt. little mermaid's little helper. frankly, i'm a little worried about the amount of drugs in our fish.
friend of the "late show" and puget sound resident-- ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, sammy the salmon. sammy! (cheers and applause) >> hello, stephen. wooooooooooooooo! >> stephen: hey, sammy, how are you feeling? >> invincible! i will fight a grizzly bear! >> stephen: okay, calm down. so, what's going on with you and all your friends in the puget sound? >> what do you mean, what's going on? are you a cop? >> stephen: no, i'm not a cop. >> you have to tell me if you're a cop, or else this is entrapment. >> stephen: sammy, i'm just worried about you. with all those drugs in your system, are you okay? >> of course, i'm okay! why, do i look high to you? >> stephen: well, your eyes are a little bloodshot. you need to face the fact that you have a problem. >> oh, great, now you sound like denise. those are my eggs, too-- i deserve to see them! listen, stephen, can i borrow a little cash?
>> stephen: what? >> i owe money to a loan shark. >> stephen: let me guess, he's an actual shark? >> no, sharks don't have money. what, are you high? hold on!! i've just had a great new business idea. it's a bike, but it has four wheels and you can sit inside it and it has a motor. >> stephen: that's a car. >> shut up, i hate you! hey, you want to go to spain for a year? i feel really close to you! >> stephen: sammy, you've got to slow down. >> i'm fine, okay? man, i got a bad case of cotton mouth. i'm having some trouble breathing. >> stephen: here, have some puget sound water. >> yeeaaaah! me likey! i'll spawn with anything that moves! you want to dance? let's dance!
look at me now, denise! >> stephen: okay, sammy the salmon, everybody. >> i cannot be killed! wooooo! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: we'll be right back with tom hiddelston. ( band playing ) you can't breathed. through your nose. suddenly, you're a mouthbreather. well, just put on a breathe right strip which instantly opens your nose up to 38% more than cold medicine alone. shut your mouth and say goodnight mouthbreathers. breathe right
let's go. what? you didn't even move your hands! another game! i've got a table ready at 6:00 o'clock. alexa, how's the traffic? female voice: the fastest route is 45 minutes to downtown. jason, get in the sidecar. (engine rumbling) so come try the largest variety of lobster dishes of the year, like lobster lover's dream or new dueling lobster tails. it's a party on every plate, and you're invited. so come in while it lasts.
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>> stephen: i never want to sit before my guests. >> yeah. >> stephen: tom hiddleston! (cheers and applause) >> thank you very much, everybody. good to be here. it's good to have you back. >> thanks for having m me back. >> stephen: you were here with "crimson peak" last time and you were a baddie. >> yes. >> stephen: you didn't let on how bad you are but i saw the interview, you're a very bad person. >> i did some very bad things. >> stephen: you did. and you got a little bit of attention for showing your -- your butt. you showed your butt in the movie, or as we said your english countryside, exactly. the hill country. >> come to england, it's full of rolling hills
it's a bit for tourism. >> stephen: yeah. well, you've done it again because there is a show in england right now called the night manager, hasn't come the united states. starts on amc. >> april, yeah. >> stephen: and your butt stars prominently in that one, as well. there are people who got excited about it. tom hiddleston's butt deserves his own twitter profile. #hiddles thsbum. >> my parents will be so proud. >> stephen: you are classically trained in the royal academy of arts? >> yes. there's no class h in
hiddlesbum. >> stephen: that's not part of the instrument they're focus on? >> there is a moment where you're given a role and you have to be comfortable as nakedness. they see it as part of the training. sometimes if the scene requires it, i don't have a problem wit. >> stephen: do you remember what part you were given to train you to be naked? >> i don't. i think it was an edward bond play about the po pote poet joh. >> stephen: how old were you aat the time? >> 22. >> stephen: that's an excellent time to be naked. (laughter) i had to do a nude scene when i was young and an actor, i was 19. an even better time. >> yeah, everything's ready at that time. (laughter) (applause) >> stephen: it's true.
>> yeah. thank god we didn't have the internet back then. >> stephen: but not only are you a classically trained actor, you're a classically educated man. you're a scholar of some sort. you went to cambridge university. >> yes, i did. >> stephen: and you studied the classics. that was your focus. what do you do with a classics degree other than do you want to know about the metamorphosis because i translated it. >> or about daphne. i discovered strangely i was good at it. it was one of the first things at school i found i was good at. terrible at math and science. then i started learning latin. and i became very interested in it. the stories are so great. i genuinely loved reading the odyssey and the iliad and
in the original greek. >> stephen: wow. hold on... when people read it in not the original greek you go, you're uh not really getting it. (laughter) >> it's a bit like, i suppose the french talk about they wish they could read shakespeare and they read translations of shakespeare and they have to work their english up to a point where they can read shakespeare in english. it's a bit like when you read stuff in latin and greek. it's a weird foundation in language. i've always been quite grateful because if there's a word i don't understand, it usually comes from a latin or greek root so i know what it means. >> stephen: i've found reading a great work of art not in the original translation is like kissing a woman through a veil. >> who wants to do that? (laughter) >> stephen: not me. speaking of shakespeare
playing someone called the hillbilly shakespeare. >> that is correct. >> stephen: hank williams. he is one of the great founders of american modern country music. >> yeah. >> stephen: did you grow up with hank williams? did you know who this guy was? >> not really. i knew the words to "hey good looking," i think everybody does. >> stephen: but other than that, there wasn't a lot of hank williams at cambridge? >> no. (laughter) it's funny. when i traced it back, i feeling in love with the rolling stones when i was 15 like everybody does and listening to honky tonk women as a 15-year-old teenager in my bedroom, i loved it, but i had no idea what a honky tonk was. honky tonks seemed very exotic to me and it was a fun word. >> stephen: the word "exotic" is not generally applied to american country music over here. (laughter) >> i appreciate that.
the fabric of america, all the old stuff, the things you take for granted is quite exotic to us because we don't have it. we have all this other stuff. we have all our history. >> stephen: all that shakespeare stuff. >> yeah. >> stephen: well, you've nailed the accent. it's a beautiful performance. >> thank you. >> stephen: and let's take a look at it right now. this is a clip between you and your wife, who is played by -- >> elizabeth olsen. >> stephen: jim? ee this? mm-hmm. now, where the inspiration from move it on over came from hank couldn't say. it sure wasn't his own married life. mr. and mrs. hank williams lead a model life. >> you think that's funny. i kind do have, don't you? ooh... >> hmm? we sold
my god. >> if that's half true, i wonder what kind of money that adds up to? >> it adds up to a big damn deal. (applause) >> stephen: now, before you played this, do you play an instrument yourself? >> i noodled around on the guitar as much as any student does, i think. >> stephen: you have a specific instrument you play that very few people know how to master. i understand you know how to play the spoons. (applause) >> this is one of those -- this is one of my special skills with my cv. it's so funny, my mom arranged an engagement party for my baby sister last summer, and she'd redone the whole house, and she'd done a beautiful kitchen, she replastered the walls and everything, and my sister's got very good friends who a
musicians who are play manager the cich that night, and i obviously got over-excited and the next morning came down to breakfast and there were these indentations in the dresser where i had been scrambling around for spoons and playing all over the kitchen. but she loves it now, it's a happy memory. or so she says. (laughter) this is how for those of you who don't know, i learned this in a lock-in in camden. >> stephen: what's a lock-in? is that jail? >> no, it's when the pub stays open past its hours and they lock the doors and lock you in and keep serving and you just kind of keep going, basically. (applause) >> stephen: so they lock the doors. >> so they lock the doors and they say here's another pint and then they brought all -- this is an irish pub in camdentown. they brought all the instruments
and drink if you play music. they handed me a pair of spoons. i said i don't know what to do with that. five hours later, i have an aficionado. (applause) >> stephen: do you need anything else? >> i'm good. i just start. (playing spoons with irish music background) ♪ (audience clapping in time) >> stephen: we'll be right back with more tom hiddleston! (cheers and applause)
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tom, i've done a fair amount of damage to the edge of my desk with the spoons. tom is playing hank williams in the new movie "i saw the light." hank williams was a beloved character but he had a dark side. >> yes, he did, yeah. >> stephen: tell me about luke the drifter. i never knew about luke the drifter. who was he? >> luke the drifter was an extraordinary discovery for me. it was toward the end of his life, once he became a star -- >> stephen: he was only 29 when he died. >> he was 29 when he died, one of those stars that burned very bright and not for long. towards the end of his life, he released -- they are essentially poems under mgm records. they didn't make any money. >> stephen: he didn't tell anybody it was him? >> i think fans knew it was him. but they are
art of life and loneliness and sadness and death. one's called the funeral, one's called beyond the sunset. >> stephen: why do you think he wrote such dark things for his audience? >> i don't know. i think he wrestled with himself. i think he had some formidable demons, for which i have so much compassion. he became a star very quickly. he had no real support, no one to anchor him, i think. and it was his way of expelling those feelings, i think. there was a huge tension between his charisma on stage. he was clearly electrifying. people attest to that. he was elvis before elvis. >> and hit after hit, you know. hey good looking, your cheating heart -- >> yeah, but inside there was a vulnerability. >> stephen: did you sing before doing this part? >> never sang. >> sen
the band. >> stephen: because you kill it as hank williams. you sing beautifully. that's a very distinct voice. >> he's a tenor, i'm a baratone. there's some distance between us in our age. >> stephen: i wish we could have had you to sing. do you feel comfortable? (cheers and applause) >> do i feel like, you know, if you want to see me sing, you should go and see the film. (audience reacts) >> stephen: okay. we'll see. okay. hold on. i grew up with hank williams. >> you did? >> stephen: how about "i saw the light." >> stephen is going to sing f
us. ♪ ♪ i wandered -- i wandered so aimless ♪ ♪ life full of sin (cheers and applause) ♪ ♪ i wouldn't let my dear savior in ♪ (in harmony) ♪ then jesus came like a stranger in the night ♪ ♪ praise the lord ♪ i saw the light ♪ i saw the light ♪ i saw the light ♪ no more darkness ♪ no more night ♪ now i'm so happy ♪ no sorrow in sight ♪ praise the lord ♪ i saw the light >> stephen: everybody! ♪ i saw the light ♪ i saw the light ♪ no more
♪ no more night ♪ now i'm so happy ♪ no sorrow in sight ♪ praise the lord ♪ i saw the light ♪ praise the lord ♪ i saw... the light ♪ (cheers and applause) >> stephen: "i saw the light" is in theaters now. tom hiddleston everybody! we'll be right back. ( band playing ) (cheers and applause) ulcerative colitis or crohn's, and your symptoms have left you with the same view, it may be time for a different perspective. if other treatments haven't worked well enough, ask your doctor about entyvio, the only biologic developed and approved just for uc and crohn's. entyvio works by focusing right in the gi-tract
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and zyrtec® is different than claritin®. because it starts working faster on the first day you take it. try zyrtec®. muddle no more®. ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back. my next guest is a tony award winning actress appearing now on broadway in "she loves me." please welcome laura benanti. ( band playing ) (applause) >> hi. >> stephen: hi, how are ya? well, how are you? >> stephen: very good. nice to see you again. >> nice to see you again. >> stephen: and congratulations because you starring
studio 54. >> yeah (applause) >> stephen: fantastic views. the toast of broadway. >> thank you very much. >> stephen: what some people may not know is you've -- is this is you've got mail with music. >> yes, the movie is based on this. >> stephen: do you say, who am i, tom hamption? >> everyone wants to be tom hanks. >> stephen: congratulations. i love broadway. >> broadway loves you. really? thank you for the ice cream you sent us. >> stephen: you're welcome. i like to get you people fat. >> it's great before you sing. >> stephen: a lot of dairy products, very good for performing. >> very good. >> stephen: for people who aren't hooked on broadway, give me the 30-second sell out there for people who may not understand why broadway is so
>> seeing a live performance, having my heart beat at the same time as a thousand other people while i sing to them, there is nothing more special than that. i feel like when we can no longer speak our feelings, we sing or dance them, which we don't get to normally do in life, for if you do you get started away. so that's the pitch. >> stephen: i buy it. (applause) what i like about it is i think people are so good at hiding their feelings from each other, you know, defensively, you go to the theater and you're willing to pay money to watch somebody in front of you have a feeling that you're not willing to show. >> sure. also i think most people can't do pirouettes and sing high c. like sporting events, not everybody can dunk a basket -- that's what it's called? >> stephen: dunk a basket. don't hav ask jon, he doesn't wh basketball. >> becau
>> stephen: who are you pulling snore. >> the people -- who play basketball. (laughter) (applause) >> stephen: they're so good! i like the people that win, too. >> stephen: i like those, too. speaking of winners. >> yes. >> stephen: trump is a winner. yes. >> stephen: trump says we'll keep on wi winning until we dont want to win anymore. anymore. >> okay. >> stephen: we'll get to your connection with him in manhattan, but do you want him to -- we'll get to your connection with him in a minute, but do you want him to win? >> mmm... >> stephen: how about not necessarily? >> not necessarily. >> stephen: but if he does win, what's fantastic is you're so ready it might be good for you. >> it might be. >> stephen: because here you are, there's a picture of you here, and here's mrs. trump. >> yeah. >> stephen: right there. i'm going to have a second
>> stephen: get a closeup. (applause) >> my favorite thing she does -- (laughter) i've never heard her speak. i've only seen her clap and appear vaguely like she's looking for the nearest exit. >> stephen: yes. my favorite thing she does is occasionally when she's talk -- when he's talking, she's behind him and she'll look directly into the camera. i feel like she's send meg a message. blink once if you're fine, twice for get me the hell out of here and -- (laughter) >> stephen: she's fine. i've met her. she's a lovely woman. >> it's my meal ticket. so let's do this,
(laughter) >> stephen: she has a real zoolander blue steel look. >> she's got that down, a serious squint and a lip. >> stephen: obviously, you are supergirl's mom off broadway. >> not so obviously. >> stephen: you play supergrl's mom on the cbs network. >> i do. >> stephen: and her adversary. her evil aunt. >> stephen: much different than her evil ant. you're getting paid twice because you're doing two characters? >> no, i do not, cbs... (cheers and applause) >> stephen: when you perform on television and when you perform on stage, do you ever forget when you're performing on television that you're not performing on stage and do a huge -- >> yes, yes! (laughter)
absolutely. the first time i ever did anything on television, we have microphones on and there is sound guys listening, i could see myself go, oh, my gosh! they're, like, hey, laura, just talk like a person. i was, like, all right. we don't talk like people on broadway. ♪ we talk like this... ♪ (cheers and applause) >> stephen: you're actually married to someone we in entertainment call a human being. >> yes. >> stephen: he's not in the entertainment industry. >> he's a civilian. >> stephen: does he understand at all what broadway people are like? because you guys of all people in entertainment are the most artsartsy touchy feely i want tt to know you, and you will hug for a long time.
hugging was too much when he first met and my friends would hug and kiss him on both cheeks. but now he's so open to everything. he's an amazing man. he loves my theater friends and they think he's fascinating. they think he looks like a bear. he stands there not talking and they're, like, what's that like? >> stephen: the humans are very interesting. >> i know >> stephen: "she loves me" is at studio 54 through june 12th. this is beautiful laura benanti, everybody. we'll be right back. ( band playing ) (cheers and applause) ♪ ♪ give extra. get extra.
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♪ ♪ >> ♪ i'm in the arch of the church ♪ between her thumb and her forefinger ♪ i'm a worshipper a zealot king, cursed, a devotee ♪ of the heady golden dance she does ♪ she's an uncut drug find the vein and the pulse ♪ chased it and for a minute i was floating dead above myself ♪ get out of my heart she won't, she won't ♪ get out of my heart she won't, she won't ♪ i saw a glimmer in the dark
and now i know ♪ she won't get out of my heart she won't ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm in your purse pull me out and throw me down ♪ stick me to your lip and draw a scarlet 'o' ♪ there's a name on my chest in red ♪ the embossing of a branded bull ♪ and i don't want you to get out of my heart ♪ she won't, she won't get out of my heart ♪ she won't, she won't i saw a glimmer in the dark ♪ and now i know she won't get out of my heart
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: their album, "painting of a panic attack" is out april 8th! frightened rabbit, everybody! we'll be right back. it's about taking a
stand. for too long, wall street banks had their way. theysh craed our economy. but democrat donna edwards won't take their money because she stands up for us. as a single mom, she knows the challenges oamur filies face. she'll be our voice. tightening regulations on the big banks and fighting to keep dark money out of politics. democrat donna edwards, maryland's next senator. fios is not cable. we're wired differently. in the last 10 years our competitors have received a few awards.
late show. tune in tomorrow when my guests will be from the film, "midnight special", adam driver, star of "crazy ex girlfriend", rachel bloom, and a musical performance by savages. (cheers and applause) now stick around for james corden. goodnight! (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready to have some fun ♪ tonight ♪ if you have it in the middle of the night ♪ it's the "late, late show" ♪. >> ladies and gentlemen, all the way from