tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS May 17, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
what makes a subaru, a subaru. >> stephen: hey, chris. >> hey, stephen gr hey, man, thanks so much for being here. we're so excited coldplay is on the show tonight. >> it looks like an amazing show. >> stephen: year going to have a good time. >> everything looks great, just one thing. >> stephen: about the show? >> about the theme song. >> stephen: is there something wrong with the theme song? >> no, the tune is great, the tune is great, but i feel like it needs worlds, it needs lyrics so i've been working on it right here you. >> stephen: wrote lyrics to our theme song? >> i did. >> stephen: i can hear them? >> you know how the show opens with the drum shoal. and shoo-be-do-dop. shoo-doo-dop-doo.
>> thanks, man, i'm glad you love it. >> stephen: i'm sorry, are those the lyrics? >> yeah. >> stephen: dooby-should, of shoo-be-do. shoo-be-do-be-do,. >> stephen: be-do, yeah. >> stephen: you're a ( bleep ) genius. >> tonight, stephen welcomes anthony anderson eugene levy and catherine o'hara and a musical performance by coldplay. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! captioning sponsored by cbs
welcome to "the late show,"" everybody. i'm stephen colbert. how lucky am i? i just got to hang out with chris martin. ( cheers and applause ) i love my job, you know, but like most of you, sometimes it can feel like a grind. but every once in a while, the heavens open up and everything just clicks. i'm guessing that's what it felt like for a doctor on sunday, who treated a woman who came in with a shark on her arm. here's why it's great for the doctor. it doesn't exactly take. dr. house to figure out what's wrong here. "what do you think, doc?" "well, my diagnose i guess you have a case of shark on your arm. i'm going to write you a prescription for 'take the shark off your arm.' that'll be $500. and, i'm sorry, the shark's out of network."
speaking of things that bite-- donald trump. how far diget in? how far diget? i got 90 seconds, 90 seconds. evidently, donald trump does better in online polls than phone polls because voters are reluctant to admit to another person that they support him. let's test it out. how many trump supporters do we have here tonight? ( light applause ) okay, you're all liars. so donald trump seems unstoppable, like the tide or a fuel truck careening toward a preschool. but that doesn't mean-- tragic and spectacular. but that doesn't mean folks have not stopped trying to stop him. over the weekend, president obama gave the commencement speech at rutgers, and took took a little swipe at trump. >> class of 2016, let me be as
clear as i can be. in politics and in life, ignorance is not a virtue. ( laughter ) ( applause ). >> stephen: true. it's true. it's absolutely true. ignorance is not a virtue. ignorance is bliss, and if trump wins, we're looking at a very blissful four years ahead of us. of course, donald doesn't let anything go, other than ageing women. ( applause ) >> jon: oh! oh! man! >> stephen: i have no idea what that means. i just read what's in the thing. so he immediatreely sponded on twitter, saying this is a primary reason that president obama is the worst president in u.s. history. well, at least until after the election. ( laughter ) and i applaud donald truor
for ignorance. after all, america was founded on ignorance. christopher columbus went to his grave, thinking he found india. and did not yankee doodle famously put a feather in his cap and call it macaroni? it's not macaroni. it's a cap. over in britain, they're deciding whether or not to stay in the european union. they're going to have a vote on it. and in an effort to reach young voters, british prime minister david cameron joined tinder. ing it's true, it's true. , of course, a lot of people's tinder profiles claim they're the prime minister of england. this one is true. tinder's a little different in england. they swipe the other way, and they add an extra "u" when they type "u up?" have you been to england? >> jye
there. >> stephen: do you like it over there? >> jon: i've been over there a few times. >> stephen: are you going to england this summer? >> jon: no, not this summer. >> stephen: anybody traveling this summer? anybody? no, you're not, because thousands of passengers are missing their flights right now, due to airport security lines that last for hours. travelers are weary, angry, dirty, sleeping in chairs. basically, america's airports have become america's bus stations. just take a look at this video a passenger took of the line to get through security at chicago's midway airport. >> okay, here's the start. let's see how long this thing is. here's the security line. oh, guess what? it's just getting started. yep, still in line. yep. are you (bleep) kidding me t.s.a.? what the (bleep)? ( laughter )
understandable feeling. it's an understandable feeling. that line is so long, by the time that baby got through, he looked like this. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) his first words: "what the (bleep), t.s.a.!" ( applause ) ( laughter ) to chill out the stressed passengers, some airports have resorted to bringing in miniature therapy horses and even clowns. the therapy horses, of course, are there to comfort you after you've seen the clowns. plaiz obviously, that's a welcome sight. obviously, there are a lot of stranded passengers out there, so to anyone watching this at the airport right now, i'd like to help you through this difficult time.
it's time for stephen colert's "just the tip: summer travel edition." people love "just the tip." the people love "just the tip." all right. tip one: accept that you live in the airport now. help is not coming because it can't get through the security line. stip 2, step 2-- stip 2: sustenance is the key to survival. remember, one cinnabon contains enough calories for an entire week, plus it doubles as a pillow. and a wife. ( laughter ) just-- just-- just let it-- just let it cool down first. tip 3: commandeer a position near an electrical outlet. he who controls the charging station is lord of terminal c! cheaper cheerm bow before me! ( applause )
tip 4: it's time for a show of force. roll a baggage cart through the glass wall of the admiral's club and proclaim, "i am the admiral now. prepare to be boarded." tip finally: if by some miracle, you do reach the front of the security line, request the pat-down, just to feel something. now, let's feel our friends jon batiste and stay human, everybody. >> jon: hey! ( cheers and applause )
hey, did you all see "captain america: civil war"? have you seen that movie yet? i saw the "civil war." i liked it. a little too long, but then again, so was the real civil war. but i could not help but notice watching it in the theater, thrilled by the movie, so many of the characters seemed to have something in common: iron-"man." ant-"man." spider-"man." movie black panther... "man." the marvel cinematic universe is kind of a sausage-fest. and i gotta say, all that spandex really showcases the sausage. and it's no accident. in fact, it was just reported that "iron man 3's" villain, aldritch killian, was supposed to be a woman originally. but according to the writer of "iron man 3," "we were given a no-holds-barred memo saying that cannot stand." this is shocking. "iron man 3" had a writer?
( laughter ) ( applause ) and you won't-- i thought they just blew stuff up. and you won't believe why they had to change her into a he. evidently, marvel decided the toy wouldn't sell as well if it is a female. ( audience booing ) come on, it makes sense. girls don't play with dolls. this is so disappointing. back in the 80s, we weren't so hung up on the gender of our hollywood action figures. i collected hannah and her sisters. everyone had meryl streep from "sophie's choice." i really struggled with whether to open that one and play with it or keep it in the box. it was a real... quandary. but i don't want to single out "iron man 3," because it's hardly the only film that was written with a female villain only to have it cynically gender swapped at the last minute. take darth vader. he was first written as darelene vader, a tale,
powerful woman who struggled to balance her imperial ambitions with raising her rebellious twins. or doctor doom-- why does he have to be a man? are you saying a woman can't be a doctor? or be an evil techno-sorceror? they'd better fix this in the next "fantastic four" movie. and there better not be another "fantastic four" movie. ( cheers and applause ) we'll be right back with anthony anderson. turns out lemon juice doesn't cure pink eye. hi. how are you doing today? that's how i am. red head fred. ultra rare. i collect these too. nah, these are for my dog because he can never decide which one he wants until he gets home, so... presenting the american express blue cash everyday card with cash back on purchases and no annual fee. my only concern is that this is where we put food. a dog's foot is cleaner than a human's mouth.
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your home can be perfect.re, even when life isn't. the neighbor's back. oh, no. this is my husband, gibby! i wanted to show him your furniture! i like it! you wanna come in? oh no. that would be weird! the memorial day sale. from classic to contemporary, havertys. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest tonight has
starred in the "barbershop" and the "scary movie" movies. he now stars in "black-ish" on abc. please welcome anthony anderson! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> hey, man, the band is great! give it up for the band! ( cheers and applause ) uh-huh. roy ayers, 1976. "ubiquity album." my life, my life. i know music, brother, i know music. >> stephen: that's a deep cut. that's a deep cut. thanks for being here, and congratulations. "black-ish" has won a peabody award. >> yes, sir, yes, sir. >> stephen: that's fantastic. >> thank you, thank you guys. >> stephen: peabody's are the best.
award. >> how many do you have? i need to know how many i need to get. >> stephen: i have four. thank you for asking. it would be embarrassing for me to say that without you asking. >> that's why i led in. so people can know out there what you do. i have two. >> stephen: you have two. >> i have two. >> stephen: that's very nice. that's not easy. >> it's kind of embarrassing me to throw out that i have two without asking you this question. >> stephen: that's true. how many grammys now? >> 62. >> stephen: okay, great. >> no. >> stephen: well, i had laurence fishburne on the show a couple of months ago and i asked him a question i'd reich to throw at you. what is the difference between black and black-ish? >> mmm. the hue of the person's skin. >> stephen: really? not as black? >> not as black. >> stephen: you have to be black to be back-ishthat's not what laurencemean said i had a shot at blackishness. i had a shot. >> with a band like that, are
>> stephen: that's what i said. i think that's why. i think he kind of said the same thing that i was getting a bit of a contact black. >> yeah, contact black. like a contact high, contact black. >> stephen: i understand. >> you can roll through the 'hood because of your band. >> stephen: really. >> yes, sir. >> stephen: i should maybe carry a picture with me of my-- "this is my band! it's all cool! it's all cool!" >> and you'll get a pass. >> stephen: i have heard that you said the black-ish pulls back the vail on being black for america. >> yeah, some people would say-- you know, it comes from our community. it's like, yo, man, you showing too much. we're giving them a peek into our world and our life and what's going on. >> stephen: really, people say you show too much? >> yeah, like we did an episode "the nod." >> stephen: what is "the nod?" >> you have ever watched your band and they come in at each other and they see black people and they just like... that's the nod. >> stephen: that's the
is that true, jon? >> see, there you go. there you go. >> stephen: if i do that-- what does that mean? >> you would never do that. ( laughter ) >> stephen: what if i was holding a picture of my band. >> holing a picture of your band, you're cool. >> stephen: is that like motorcycle drivers that kind of give themselveses this when they drive down, they say hi to each other or the jeep we've. >> yeah. >> stephen: what about a black guy in a jeep che wave and nod at the same time? >> oh, you're getting complicated. >> stephen: sorry. >> you're getting complicated. but the nod came about, cammie baris, who is my partner this should adventure was walking across the studio lot one day with a bunch of white executives and he would pass a brother and acknowledge the brother and the brother acknowledged him and a few brothers walked by. andun some white guys walked by and the white guys didn't do anything to acknowledge the white guys. so they said, "man, you know all those brothers?" and he said, "no, i have no idea who they are, but i
universal way of saying hello to another brother when you pass him on the street." >> stephen: that's very pleasant. ( laughter ) ( applause ) now, i'm guessing-- i'm guessing the phrase "that's very pleasant" is not black-ish. >> far from it, brother. >> stephen: i'm going to guess. >> somebody just took a picture of your band and ripped it up in your face. ( laughter ). >> stephen: we have a clip of "black-ish," a clip of "black-ish" from this season. this is an upcoming clip, i think. >> okay. >> stephen: this is an homage you guys have done to "good times." let's take a look at it and i want to talk about it afterwards. >> okay, cool. >> daddy, i'm pregnant. >> oh, thelma! >> i'm going to need more red paint. >> white jesus, white jesus, you have forsaken me. >> how did this happen? >> more importantly, where did this happen because there is clearly only o
that we all sleep in. >> okay, everything is going to be fine. >> boy, do you have the slightest idea what it means to have a child? >> did you even consider the cost. the diapers, the formula, the medical-- shots! >> we'll skip the shots. >> we skipped the shots with j.j. >> we'll need the shots. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: does "black-ish" owe a debt to "good times?" >> yeah, because "good times" was blark unapologetically black. no, it's a show that, you know, i grew up on watching. >> stephen: me, too. >> really? >> stephen: yeah. >> who was your favorite character. >> stephen: it was j.j., of course, the dine-o-mite kid >> that's what you used to call him growing up. >> stephen: he was the dino might kit kid. >> the dino might kid, i didn't
might. do dino might like j.j. j. >> stephen: i need a bigger mouth, dino might! >> what you need you need a bigger mouth, stephen. what are you saying about jimmy j.j. walker. >> stephen: he had a large mouth. he has a large mouth. >> you could draw a freight train through that. >> stephen: i'll give you a j.j. walker. "j., j., where did you find that?" "i found this." >> i wanted you to do this. >> stephen: dino might. >> there you go! there you go! he got it black! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: it's true, it's true. >> now you are strutting around like a peacock. hey! >> stephen: i don't remember that. norman lear did not write that line. the first lady has said it's her favorite show, "black-ish." the president said they watch that
family." >> it feels great to have our show resonate with the people the way that it does, and especially the first family. and to be invited to the white house for the last few years and for to have them say, "your show is incredible. this is what we watch." >> stephen: you did you hang out. >> yeah, i hang out. i got to hang out. >> stephen: have you ever given the president one of these? ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> the president-- good. >> stephen: thanks. >> that's good. >> stephen: thanks. >> di, because the president gave it to me first. >> stephen: what? ! >> yes, yes. >> stephen: that's fantastic! >> yes. >> stephen: that's fab task. did you ever shoot anything with him? don't ask him to do a second tape. >> no. >> stephen: he's a busy man. >> he a busy man and he nails it on the the first take. >> stephen: absolutely. >> he has a great sense of humor and a great sense of comedic timing. >> stephen: it's kind of upsetting. >> here we are, we trained for this our entire lives. >> stephen: and he nails it on
unbelievable. i didn't ever expect to have a president that was cooler than me. >> i'll be honest, i didn't ever expect to have a black president. ( applause ) you know? ( cheers and applause ) but we got him. >> stephen: yeah. >> we got him. >> stephen: less than a year, though. less than a year, though. >> yeah, that's unfortunate. >> stephen: enjoy him while you can. >> i wish he could run for another eight years. i'll be honest. >> stephen: he, at the end-- at the end of his eight years now, some people-- and you can tell me, you being black-ish-- have said he is embracing his blackness more. for instance his speech at howard university. >> my alma mater. >> stephen: oh, you went to howard. >> yeah. >> stephen: what did you think of his recent speech, his commencement speech there. >> i loved the speech. i was a little upset at myself that, you know, i dropped out of school, like, 12 years too early for him to be there and to give the commencement speech. but i thought it was great, you know, to watch him standing
commencement speech. it just brought back so many memories of me being on the yard and on campus there. >> stephen: well, congratulations on the peabody. congratulations on the finale of "black-ish" tomorrow. >> thank you. >> stephen: and thanks for stopping me. >> hey, thanks for having me. >> season two finale the season 2 finale of of "black-ish" tomorrow on abc. anthony anderson, everybody, we'll be right back.
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i just don't understand what kind of family skinny-dips with each other. >> john, are you ready? >> yes, sweetheart. >> happy, anniversary! >> congratulations on your ongoing love for one another. you did it. >> okay, kids. that's enough. you sound like the incestuous bloomfields. >> have a blessed day. please welcome eugene levy and catherine o'hara. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> wow. wow. >> stephen: standing ovation. not everybody gets a standing ovation out hire. >> that's very kind. you're very encouraging. >> wow. we just spent 20 minutes chatting with chris martin
>> stephen: kind of adorable, isn't he? >> he's a doll. >> stephen: yeah, yeah, that kid's going places. >> i think so! >> stephen: i am kind of at a loss for word to have the two of you out here because i am star struck and comedy struck because the two of you are two of my deepest, most sincere comedy heroes. >> wow! >> stephen: i starred in. ( cheers and applause ) i star-- honest to god. i'm not exactly sure. i'm nervous to interview because i don't want to screw it up. i started in chicago at the second city and your pictures were on the wall there at second city pup guys were second city toronto. >> yeah, toronto. ( cheers and applause ) toronto second city. ye, we started-- toronto started in 1973. you guys, of course, started in 1959. >> stephen: yeah. >> your cast. >> we didn't really see a chicago second city show till-- it was, like, mid-70s when we saw our first cgo
there was, we noticed a big difference. >> stephen: what was the difference? >> well, the thing was, you know, you guys kind of you of-- you know you would do scenes that were kind of longer-- i say "you." you weren't around back in the mid-70ss. but back then they were doing nice and long scenes, relationship scenes, character-- beautiful scenes. i wasn't-- i-- and i thought, well, how request they coa scene this long kind of with very few laughs and yet the scene-- ( laughter ) the scene was working. they were beautiful scenes. >> stephen: yeah. >> you guys were kind of encompassing the spirit of mike nichols and elaine may. and toronto we were encompassing the spirit of the three stooge s. >> stephen: i'm okay-- i'm okay with that, too. >> honestly. if we went 15 seconds out a laugh, unlike tonight-- ( laughter ) >> we've gotten used to it now. >> stephen: did you panic? >> somethingas wrong. >> stephen: did you guys meet each oth
were you drawn to each other right away? because at second city, you end up-- in chicago would end up sort of having buddies that you would work with for the rest of your life. paul donnello was one of my first buds. he works with me now. we've worked together almost 30 years now. were you buddies back then, too. >> we were late bloomers getting together. not until after second city. even in s.c.-tv, we didn't do couples. eugene used to do chicago-style long relationship scenes with andrea martin. >> andrea martin, originally it was gilda radner-- ( applause ) upon we were in the same-- the late great gilda radner. and so we did scenes together. we did scenes where she did characters that eventually became characters she did on "s.n.l.." back then they had different names, but never the less just as funny. >> stephen: here is
>> lola heather ton. >> we did vegas characters. we did fun game exphoaz high-q., that was fun,un, bad students on a-- an academic show, you know, which everyone was-- they're the most fun to do. you see them all the time on "is the need live." you see them everywhere. everyone loves bad game shows where no one has the right answer. >> stephen: alex treble. >> which was alex trebek i was actually doing. >> stephen: cleverly disguised, cleverly disguised. >> cleverly disguised like a guy that used to drive a garbage truck they working on work my way through university who constantly drank a warm bottle of beer all day in the cab of the garbage truck wrapped in a brown paper bag. nobody knew it was liquor in that bag. ( laughter ) it was as cleverly disguised as that. ( laughter ) we-- we-- we had to change the names back then. we couldn't use the real names. >> stephen:
is it canadian libel laws or something? because you guys are canadian, right? >> stephen: are you still canadian. >> i'm both. i'm dual. i'm fluid. >> stephen: fluid flooud. >> citizenship-wise. >> stephen: it's on a continuum now. it's your choice. >> i'm canadian, katherine is by. i am 100% canadian. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: i'd like to learn a little bit more about canada when we come back and a little bit more about "schitt's creek." we have to take a break. we'll be right back with more eugene levy and catherine o'hara. from bank of america to buy a new gym bag. before earning 1% cash back everywhere, every time and 2% back at the grocery store. even before he got 3% back on gas. kenny used his bankamericard cash rewards credit card to join the wednesday night league. because he loves to play hoops. not jump through them.
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>> "schitt's creek." >> s-c-h-- >> you might notice on the bottom of the screen it has the logo "schitt's creek" because i am required by the network to have that logo up whenever i say the name of your show. >> so they can see how it is spelled. >> they'll get with it in time. listen, it's the most appropriate name for our show. our show is about a wealthy, wealthy family who lose everything. >> stephen: they used to have the second biggest video rental store in america. >> that's right. ( laughter ) a chain of video stores, second largest in north america. so they lose-- and they bought a town when they had money as a joke. >> as a joke gift for their son. >> which i gave to my 16-year-old son as a birthday present. and the reason we bought it as a joke was because the town was called "schitt's creek." and now that they've lost everything, the only place they can actually a
"schitt's creek." that is the premise of the show. and it's really about a family, this wealthy family, who never really functioned as a family when they had money, learning to function in two ajoining rooms in a "schitt's creek" motel. >> we raised our kids in captivity. story, very wealthy captivity. now, they're learning to survive in the wild, the real world. we had a scene the other day where annie murph whoa plays our daughter was helping to change sheets for the first time in her life and said, "is there another sheet exactly like this one?" "why do you ask?" "because on the label it says 'twin'." >> stephen: that's nice. it's a reasonable question. >> it is. >> stephen: do each of you have children? >> yes, i do. >> oh, dan levy. >> stephen: you have your son danny. >> my son, dan, and i
and you always use kind of improvisation in-- in a scripted show. you always-- you always have that in the back of your mind. >> stephen: are you improvising in "schitt's creek"? >> i'm improvising right now. >> stephen: really? >> yeah. >> we all are. >> stephen: because i'm just reading everything all of of here. i read everything off of that. >> i wish i had that. >> we do a little improvising off "schitt's creek." >> stephen: does it always work? >> no. >> stephen: sometimes when you're improvising in "schitt's creek," and doesn't work you find yourself just up ( bleep ) creek. >> well, most people in "schitt's creek" find themselves improvising just about every day on the street. that's just the way it is in "schitt's creek." >> stephen: well, "schitt's creek" airs wednesdays on pop tv. eugene levy, catherine o'hara-- yes? >> and on amazon prime if you want to
second seasons. >> and in canada, on cbc. >> stephen: really. >> yeah. >> stephen: we always shepa few in when we have canadian guests. eugene, catherine, thank you so much for being here. it's been an honor to have you. catherine o'hara, eugene levy, thank you very much. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) introducing the completely redesigned mercedes-benz c-coupe, with its athletic prowess and sleek new body. it doesn't just raise the bar... ...it completely crushes it. the all-new c-class coupe. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
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my world light up ♪ when i was down, when i was hurt ♪ you came to lift me up life is a drink, ♪ and love's a drug oh now i think ♪ i must be miles up when i was hurt, ♪ withered, dried up you came to rain a flood ♪ so drink from me, drink from me ♪ when i was so thirsty we're on a symphony ♪ now i just can't get enough put your wings on me, ♪ wings on me when i was so heavy ♪ we're on a symphony when i'm lower, ♪ lower, lower, low
ah-oh-ah-oh-ah ♪ got me feeling drunk and high so high, so high so high ♪ oh-ah-oh-ah-oh-ah i'm feeling drunk and high ♪ so high, so high so high ♪ wooo ♪ ♪ oh, angels sent from up above ♪ i feel it coursing through my blood ♪ life is a drink, your love's about ♪ to make the stars come out put your wings on me, ♪ wings on me when i was so heavy ♪ we're on a symphony
♪ lower, lower, low ah-oh-ah-oh-ah ♪ got me feeling drunk and high so high, so high so high ♪ oh-ah-oh-ah-oh-ah i'm feeling drunk and high ♪ so high, so high so high ah-oh-ah-oh-ah i'm feeling drunk and high ♪ so high, so high so high ♪ ah-oh-ah-oh-ah i'm feeling drunk and high ♪ so high, so high ♪ then we'll shoot across the sky ♪ then we'll shoot across the then we'll shoot ♪ across the sky
then we'll shoot across the ♪ then we'll shoot ♪ across the sky then we'll shoot across the ♪ then we'll shoot across the sky ♪ then we'll shoot across the ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you, everybody. >> stephen: coldplay's north american tour kicks off july 16. coldplay, everybody! we'll be right back.
jump 50 feet over the rapids and i crash land. check out my scar. there's nothing there! you didn't jump the creek! there's a new neosporin antibiotic that minimizes scars. new neosporin plus pain itch scar >> stephen: that's it for "the late show," everybody. tune in tomorrow when my guests will be josh gad, gillian jacobs, and a musical performance by band of horses. james corden is up next with his guest, kate beckinsale. good night. captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org