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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  July 8, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

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it's been a pretty tough week. why don't we wrap it up with something positive. >> let's do it! >> can i play this guitar? ♪ [music] ♪ >> well, prince's old band, the revolution promised us a reunion, and they are about to deliver. bandmates hosted on facebook concert dates. september2nd and 3rd at the 1st avenue club in minneapolis. that's where prince performed concert scenes for his movie purple rain, and after those club dates, who knows. maybe a world tour,
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could use some of that healing stuff that prince had. >> yeah! a solo would do it. >> the 7-day looking nice. >> it will be hot tomorrow, but the weekend, good deal. 93 tomorrow, and not that humid. 90 on sunday. less humid, and into the 80s to start the week, and not really humid at all. a perfect monday. >> be sure to get out and enjoy yourself. take advantage. >> that's right. you made it, everybody. >> that's it for us tonight. have a good one.
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>> stephen: hey, weird al. i just wanted to stop by before the show and say, uh-- are you listening to classical music and reading poetry? >> absolutely, stephen. are you surprised? >> stephen: it's just that you're weird al. >> oh, i see. because my name begins with the word "weird," you presume me to be an uncouth gutter snipe. >> stephen: no, you're just known for doing parodies of pop songs. that's not exactly highbrow. >> i'll have you know that i also do parodies of great poetry. are you familiar with robert frost "stopping by woods on a snowy evening"? >> stephen: well, of course. whose woods these are, i think i know, his house is in the village, though. he will not see me stopping here to watch his woods fill up with snow.
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>> listen to this, whose pizza this is, i think i know. this man is in the bathroom, though. he will not see me eating here to watch my mouth fill up with dough. >> stephen: oh, that is so moving. i'm sorry i stereotyped you. >> you're forgiven my good man. now, give me leave so i can be alone with my poetry. >> stephen: of course. though, al, parting is such sweet sorrow. >> don't you mean pizza party is such sweet sbarro? ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> announcer: tonight, stephen welcomes rose byrne, bobby flay, and weird al yankovic! ( cheers and applause ) featuring jon batiste and "stay human"! and now it's time for "the late show" with stephen colbert!
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captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, welcome! thank you so much! ( cheers and applause ) what's going on! good to see ya! hey! ( cheers and applause ) whoo! that's good energy! thank you so much, everybody! thank you so much! wow! i gotta tell ya, i'm incredibly grateful.
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i'm so grateful for all that energy. you can feel it. this room is electric right now. i feel like i could take this audience, i could grind them up and snort them, that would be fantastic-- and legal, totally legal, too. thank you so much. i need that energy. i came out here a little bit quieter tonight because i was up a little later last night than i normally am. we're in the middle of something called up-fronts in the tv biz right now where everybody from television is in new york right now talking about what shows are going to be on the different networks next year, and we're one of them, so-- ( cheers and applause ) --so i went and did the thing yesterday, and there are parties you're supposed to go to. part of the job, you have to go to the parties for the tv people to be on tv with each other. last night i went to one and had way more fun than i thought i would have at the party an
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night, actually all of the night right next to the bar. with my friend chris lichtover, here, my executive producer and my friend john dickerson, who is the host of "face the nation." let's say, last night, we got nation-faced at that bar. ( cheers and applause ) i did. i don't know about anybody else. >> jon: that's what they call it now? >> stephen: nation-faced. we had burgers around 1:00 a.m. thank you so much for the energy you got from me tonight because i'm going to have to suck on you like a lamprey. thank you very much. can i say that? can i say that on cbs? suck on you like a lamprey? i'm not sure. before we go any further, we have very important breaking vice presidential news from ohio. jim? >> my name is joe biden, and i love ice cream.
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>> stephen: my name is stephen colbert, and i love joe biden. ( laughter ) to be fair, i played that clip out of context. the full context is... that's exactly what he said. i got to think at this point he's just kind of phoning in his job for the last six months. totally understandable. first he was tasked with bringing democracy to iraq and then the president put him in charge of curing cancer. now he's like, "you know what? screw it! i'm opening diplomatic relations with haagen dazs!" and if you think joe biden is kidding, he's not. >> you all think i'm kidding. i'm not. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: he means it, from the heart! that is from the heart, from his ice cream-clogged heart. i'm sorry, you were saying, sir? >> you all think i
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i eat more ice cream than three other people you'd like to be with, all at once. ( laughter ) >> stephen: i'm not sure, what does that mean? do you have brain freeze, sir? you've got to slow down. i do know one thing. god, i wish he was running for president. ( cheers and applause ) you know who is running, hillary clinton. and the road's a little rough for her right now. she needs all the help she can get. just not the kind of help she's getting from former pennsylvania governor ed rendell, who tried to help by attacking her opponent, saying, "trump's comments like, 'you can't be a 10 if you're flat-chested, will come back to haunt him.'" and then rendell helpfully added, "there are probably more ugly women in america than attractive women. people take that stuff personally."
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yes, and i have a feeling a lot of women are about to take that really personally. i think rendell is way out of line. america is filled with beautiful women. ( cheers and applause ) especially after president trump launches "operation uggos to gitmo." seal team six, ugh, give me seal team ten. summer vacation is starting. you guys traveling this summer? anyone going anyplace fun? anyone planning on going to a national park this summer? >> jon: i'm not going anywhere. >> stephen: anybody going to a national park this summer? anybody? just a couple? i'm sorry your kids had to find out that way. i promise, kids, looking at rocks is just as fun as rollercoasters. but there could be changes coming to america's parks. because the national parks service is so desperate for cash that they just announced that,
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going to solicit corporate sponsorship. pretty soon, we could be see those sequoias could be brought to you by viagra. ( laughter ) remember, if your redwood lasts more than 2,000 years, call your lumberjack! ( cheers and applause ) i have no idea what this motion means in this metaphor. in this metaphor, this doesn't look that pleasant. now, the parks service promises that corporate naming rights will be limited, but that's what they always say. and we here at the late show have uncovered this p.s.a. from our good friend smoldery the bear. ♪ ♪ >> remember to keep your camp site clean and your teeth by brushing with crest pro health advance toothpaste! if you see litter in the forest, do the responsible thing and
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stay at a la quinta inn where free wi-fi comes standard, and be sure to stop, drop and roll into your local mitsubishi dealer for a great deal on a 2017 mitsubishi outlander. mmm! eat fresh! mmm! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you, smoldery! now say hi to jon batiste and stay human, everybody! ( playing theme ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ hey! ( cheers and applause ) i tell you, this election has never been more exciting.
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right? and this summer could see the most exciting republican convention ever. >> if there's one thing that donald trump knows, it is entertainment. he has some details to put serious show biz into the g.o.p. convention. >> they are already compiling a list of celebrities who have endorsed donald trump in the past ipen hos maybe those folks will want to get involved in cleveland come july. >> he loves glitz and glamour. he knows how to create drama. >> stephen: yes, trump knows how to create drama, maybe even tragedy. but as trump's top campaign advisor explains, it's not like they're treating this like some silly reality show. >> this is the ultimate reality show. >> stephen: right ultimate reality show. go on. >> it's the presidency of the united states. we'll put it in ways we hope will be entertaining and more important, informative. >> stephen: yes, reality shows are entertaining and more importantly, informative. just look how "celebrity apprentice" informed us about how much meatloaf hates it when
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>> what's wrong? i bought those ( bleep )sponges. part of that paint is mine. i'm ( bleep )sick and tired of this. >> meat, don't do it. >> you don't want to ( bleep ) with me! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: i apologize. that was entertaining but cbs made us bleep most of the information. ( laughter ) and one of the ways that donald trump is treating the convention like a reality show is holding off announcing his running mate. as one trumpling said: "announcing the vice- presidential nominee before the convention is like announcing the winner of "celebrity apprentice" before the final show is on the air." it's an apt metaphor, because this year's republican convention will be the series finale of america. i can't wait to see. ( cheers and applause )
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i can't wait to see the in- memoriam reel for liberty. then again, the convention is being held in cleveland's quicken loans arena -- the q! i have been told it's called the q! which has also hosted the wwe monster jam, and freestyle motocross madness, so this convention might be really fun. >> monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, july 18th through the 21st at quicken loans arena, a four-day television event that's going to rock what's left of america! it's the trump republican national convention! there is going to be yelling, angry white men, hats with words on them! watch donald trump rope and brand a naked ted cruz! but that's not all... touch real brains at dr. ben carson's freak-a-torium. and don't miss the marital cage
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and someone will be punched. and donald trump will announce his running mate, truckasaurus. july 18th through the 21st. come one come all. unless you're a mexican, muslim or a woman who's not a 10! >> stephen: we'll be right back with rose byrne. ( cheers and applause ) ♪
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♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause )
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>> stephen: welcome back! you know my first guest tonight from "bridesmaids," "spy" and "x-men," her new film is "neighbors 2: sorority rising." >> i want you to help stop the sorority before it gets too late. >> really. >> yes, i'm switching sides. they have 15 individuals. they're not a cohesive unit. they don't understand the most important rule in sisterhood. there's no i in sorority. >> two. >> just one. two. >> straddling the y. >> there is a u. in there you are missing. ( attempt spelling ) >> is it silent?
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>> stephen: please welcome rose byrne! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ hey, nice to see you. >> nice to meet you. >> stephen: i'm so glad to meet you. we had your partner, bobby canavale, on here a couple months ago and you two had a baby. what's the baby's name? >> rocco. >> stephen: that's fantastic! is this your first child? >> yes. >> stephen: he's extraordinarily tired when i talked to him. it was four days after the baby was born and he had not slept in four days. >> i was tired as well. >> stephen: you did the bulk of the work here, but it's been a couple of months, have either of you slept since? >> not much. >> stephen: this is ur
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>> who needs sleep? just roll on coffee and love. >> stephen: there is quite an education to have your first baby. anything surprise you about it? >> it takes a long time to leave the house. maybe an hour, hour and 45 minutes just to get out the door. to do anything. you have to bring so many things with you, the bottle and this and that, and when you get out, he throws up everywhere. or takes a big poop. then you have to get inside again. >> stephen: they have to figure out a way to make babies cleaner. i think you will find when they're really small, they're actually easier to get around with because they have the handle like they're in a chair all the time, they have a handle and once they can do what they want, you're screwed. you're-- >> i should count my blessings all i can, yes. i have been doing a lot of traveling, too, so i have been taking my breast milk everywhere with me.
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>> stephen: i sent this photo, if you don't mind, mind if i show this? >> yes. >> stephen: i think your breast milk is being confiscated by t.s.a. in this photo. >> yes. >> stephen: the 3.5-ounces apply to breast milk as well? >> yes, they wave this thing over it and there is a production going on. they take it very seriously. >> stephen: what do you have to do to prove? >> i stand there and smile and tell them it's really breast milk. >> stephen: do you point at the baby and says, he's real, not a doll. >> do you want me to get them out? >> stephen: don't offer, you don't know who these people are. >> that's true, they could be dangerous. >> stephen: i hope not. i hate to state the obvious, but you do such a great american accent, i had no idea you were australian. >> i'm from australia. sydney, australia, yes -- >> stephen: you sound like i caught you in a lie! ( laughter )
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i don't know why i was acting like i was lying because it's true. it's really true. i am. this is a real accent. >> stephen: americans are fascinated with australians and australia. do you notice that? >> yeah, they are. >> stephen: people who have never been. because i've never been: >> why is that? >> stephen: it's like america but more dangerous. >> it's true. it's true. but i grew up in the city, so for me, i'm as much of a city girl as a new york person. you know what i mean? so like the danger of it, i don't really relate to. >> stephen: because we have this image that everyone in australia grows up someplace where every other animal is trying to kill you. >> and it's like you ride to work on a kangaroo and that's also bull ( bleep ). >> stephen: that's just for fun. that's for kangaroo polo. that would be fun, though, wouldn't it? >> that would be fun. could we get that started? >> stephen: try to bet get the ball in the other person's kangaroo pouch. >> big red kangaroos are very aggressive.
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>> yeah, you wouldn't want to do any polo with them. >> stephen: were there kangaroos around where you grew up? pardon me for acting like all of australia is a big kangaroo patch. >> no, the most dangerous animal near me was at my grandmother's house is a funnel web spider. >> stephen: what's that? >> it's a deadly spider that will kill you. they're in the sink. >> stephen: really? >> occasionally. >> stephen: occasionally there is a creature in your sink that can visit death upon you. >> it's keeping you on edge, making sure you're keeping your wits about you. >> stephen: besides the "sorority" movie which, by the way, i'm very excited about, not only because of you and seth and chloe grace moretz was here the other night, also because zach efron's abs are-- ( cheers and applause ) is that photoshopped?
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the movie? >> oh, yeah, they're part of the story line. >> stephen: do they have their own trailer? >> they should, they should have their own trailer and website. >> stephen: i don't know why t.s.a. lets those through. they look very dangerous to me. you're also in the "x-men" movie. "apocalypse" is coming up this friday. congratulations on that. >> thank you. >> stephen: you don't have a mutant power in the movie. >> i know. i used to be happy about it because it would mean i didn't have to get up at 2:00 a.m. to become blue or red or green. but now i'm a bit sad because it's a bit boring not being a mutant in those movies. >> stephen: i kind of wish i was a mutant not in those movies. >> me, too. >> stephen: if you had a mutant power, what would you want it to be? >> i would like to be the guy who's like the fire guy -- pow!
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like that! pyro? yeah, pow! like that. >> stephen: yeah, pyro. >> that's a pretty radical thing to be able to do. >> stephen: i wouldn't mind being the freeze guy. >> that's cool. >> stephen: because you could cool down a six-pack anytime you wanted. that's another stereotype americans have about australians. you guys are always drinking beer and waving around big knives. any of that true? >> it is a drinking culture. but i'm not a big drinker, so it's always a stereotype i have to convince people, like, oh -- people are, like, you're australian! come on, have another one! i'm, like, oh, please, leave me alone. >> stephen: you have your own production company called -- is it dollhouse productions? >> yes. >> stephen: this is dedicated to making films for women. by women, not for women, it's for everybody. why did you start this production company?
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scripts i read, i always want to play the guy part, that's the most interesting role, really. i want to try to find material i can develop that's more female driven. ( cheers and applause ) very supportive audience. very nice. >> stephen: they are very nice. thank you so much for being here. it was lovely to meet you. >> thank you! lovely to meet you as well! >> stephen: "neighbors 2: sorority rising" is in theaters now. rose byrne everyone. we'll be right back.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ my next guest tonight is a celebrity chef, author of 13 cookbooks, and a mentor and judge on "food network star." please welcome bobby flay. >> all right! >> stephen: all right, bobby.
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we're going to make a brunch here. >> when you came out you seemed like you might be a little bit hungover. brunch is actually the perfect remedy for that. we're going to make fried chicken on a biscuit with an egg. >> stephen: that's called a mother and child reunion. >> okay, yes. >> stephen: what are we starting with? >> well, this is some bourbon iced tea. >> stephen: had a few of those last night. >> this is a good way to start brunch. >> stephen: and that is real. that is not a prop. all right. so there's our chicken. we've already done it. i did a great job. >> here's the thing about fried chicken. one of the keys is buttermilk. you want to soak it in buttermilk and get the flour and the seasonings and you want to dredge it. but you know what i like to do? after i marinate in the buttermilk, i put it in the oven, bake it, dredge it and fry it so it's perfect ahe
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through. >> stephen: it's perfect, baked- fried. >> i'm giving only you this tip. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: don't tell anybody. do i bludgeon an intruder if they come to steal -- >> i need you to make me some biscuits. you grab flour, baking soda, salt. throw it into the pool. then we'll put unsalted butter in there as well. >> stephen: can't go wrong with butter. >> i have no idea what this is called but it pushes around the butter. we'll add buttermilk to that, please. >> stephen: there is no butter in buttermilk, right? >> there is no butter in buttermilk. >> stephen: why is it called buttermilk? >> i have no idea. >> stephen: welcome to the most informative -- >> ever! of all time! >> stephen: okay, great. >> so we're going to actually put this on to our cutting board. >> stephen: okay. >> we're doing great. it's awesome. >> stephen: do i need to do this? >> very gently.
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>> stephen: is that good? keep going. >> as if the tips of your fingers -- >> stephen: as if the dough is a lover. >> yes. >> stephen: firm but gentle. that's good. >> just till it comes together, just like that. >> stephen: should i have washed my hands before i did this? >> that's actually perfect. you look like an expert biscuit- maker. >> stephen: i'm from the south. where are you from? >> i'm from new york city. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: but you cook a lot of southwestern food. >> i cook southwestern food, but that's the irish catholic new york upbringing. >> stephen: you're irish? how did you learn to cook? all irish people know how to do is boil. >> i was starving my entire life, so i had to learn how to cook. >> stephen: in my family, we're all irish and it's like, "i can boil you a steak if you like." >> here's a biscuit. have a cocktail. >> stephen: when do i get to use this?
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put that down, sir. >> stephen: all right. >> let's put an egg on it. >> stephen: egg on the biscuit? >> yes, a little butter, crack an egg, sir. one hand, let's see if you've got it. whoa! ( cheers and applause ) i broke mine. stephen's worked, mine did not. >> stephen: all right. wait a second! i'll do it. >> here, let's do this one. so the idea is you want to give it a quick flip. see if you can turn it over. >> stephen: okay, hold on. and -- ( cheers and applause ) goodbye, mr. spaulding! unbelievable. >> white meat or dark meat? >> stephen: it's a personal question. i'll go -- white. >> you got it. a little sauce. >> stephen: what kind of sauce? >> two kinds of mustard, a little honey, a little
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>> stephen: damn girl, that's nice! >> you want some hot sauce? >> stephen: yeah. oh! ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: actually, i'll pass. i'll pass. >> i missed the biscuit. >> stephen: now what do i do? eat. >> it's one-handed! whoa! >> stephen: hold on, let me get your egg on there. a little slaw, a little bit of hot sauce. cheers! >> all right, everybody! >> stephen: mmm! oh, man! the new season of food network star premieres this sunday on "food network"! bobby flay! ( cheers and applause )
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into feel-good flavors like new wildberry. american runs on dunkin'. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ♪ oh, yeah, yeah ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! my next guest is a grammy-winner who's been making fun of other grammy-winners for nearly 40 years. please welcome the great and weird al yankovic! ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thanks for being here. good to see ya! >> thank you! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we have a lot of really fun, greaop
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show, but there are very few people that get my staff as excited to have on the show. >> oh, they've come out. >> stephen: have they said hi to you? >> everybody, yeah. >> stephen: it's really nice. it's you and kermit and cookie monster. those are the ones. >> the trinity. >> stephen: exactly. ( laughter ) how would you describe what you do? because you have been doing it - - i mean, for the rest of us, might have been doing it beforehand, since 1979 with my bologna, your tribute to my sharona. what is it you do? >> it's kind of hard to pigeon- hole me, i'm a hyphenate, i guess-- a parodist, satirist, singer, song writer, director, producer, comedian, actor, accordion player, sex god. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: it's nice work. >> it is. is it kind of redundant to say accordion player and sex god? i don't know. >> stephen: it's nice work if you can get it. now, i want to ask you about the accordion.
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younger if you learned an instrument that people enjoyed hearing -- >> what?! >> stephen: -- that maybe you wouldn't have gone into parody, because accordion, basically, you want to hear a polka or stroll past my table in europe when we're eating. >> yeah. >> stephen: how did you get the accordion? >> my parents made the life- altering decision for me. they had the foresight that if i were to learn the accordion, they knew i would have to find my own path in life and go a slightly different way. if i played the guitar, i don't know if i would be doing funny music because it's not that different from everybody else. >> stephen: how come after 40 years you don't look any different? ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) how is that possible? i have visibly aged since last september! ( laughter ) you're like a frozen cave man. >> yeah. >> stephen: how is it you stay so fresh? do you sell your soul to the devil? >> that's part of it.
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the other part is i rarely leave my hyperbaric chamber. that's very important. >> stephen: yes, very important. right now, you're about to launch your next phase to have the "mandatory world tour," weird al yankovic. ( cheers and applause ) this is a re-launch. >> we did five months last year and took a little break and are back to finish it up. >> stephen: world tour? >> u.s. and canada. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: not only you look the same but you've stayed on top of the game because in 2014, your album, "mandatory fun," which is towards the second supporting tour, debuted at number one. it's the first comedy album to ever debut at number one. ( cheers and applause ) >> i'm pretty happy about that. >> stephen: weird al yankovic, how do you keep it fresh? >> hard to say.
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i kind of stay above all the youtube people because i kind of have an unfair advantage. i have, like, 25 years of history before youtube existed. so i became kind of a brand name. >> stephen: you've had to learn to parody changes in music over the years because in '79 when you first hit the scene, disco was still king back then. >> right. >> stephen: have different styles been harder for you to parody over the years? >> well, pop music has always been ridiculous. there is always source material. there is always something to make fun of. i have a good time doing rap music because there are a lot of words to play with. a lot of pop songs are repetitive and syllables and rap music there is no shortage of words. that's fun. >> stephen: what inspired you to make a particular parody of a song? for instance, let's go back to the beginning when you did "my bologna" on "my sharona," what was the eureka moment for that? >> i studied pop culture, that's
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part of my job description, and i realized there hadn't been a lot of songs done on the subject of lunch meat. so i wanted to fill that void. it's a vacuum. >> stephen: you're a cultural anthropologist on a certain level. >> yeah. >> stephen: you really should get more respect for the research you put in everything. the song you're about to do, i understand this is also from the album "mandatory fun," and you will be doing it on the "mandatory fun" world tour, is "word crimes"? >> yes. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: which is based on the song "blurred lines." >> yes. >> stephen: and are there any naked women in the video for "word crimes"? >> no, you have to green screen your own naked women over the video. >> stephen: or just get naked before you listen to it? >> that will work, too. >> stephen: he's going to come back in just a moment and do the song for us. you have a moment to go get naked. weird al, everybody!
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♪ ♪
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>> stephen: now performing "word crimes" from his number one
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album "mandatory fun," ladies and gentlemen, weird al yankovic. ( cheers and applause ) >> ♪ everybody shut up, woo! everyone listen up! ♪ hey, hey, hey hey, hey, hey uh ♪ hey, hey, hey if you can't write ♪ in the proper way if you don't know ♪ how to conjugate maybe you flunked that class ♪ and maybe now you find that people mock you online ♪ okay, now here's the deal i'll try to educate ya ♪ gonna familiarize you with the nomenclature ♪ you'll learn the definitions of nouns and prepositions ♪ literacy's your mission and that's why i think it's a ♪ good time to learn some grammar
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♪ now, did i stammer work on that grammar ♪ you should know when it's "less" or it's "fewer" ♪ like people who were never raised in a sewer ♪ i hate these word crimes like i could care less ♪ that means you do care at least a little ♪ don't be a moron you'd better slow down ♪ and use the right pronoun show the world you're no clown ♪ everybody wise up! say you got an "i", "t" ♪ followed by apostrophe, "s" now what does that mean? ♪ you would not use "it's" in this case as a possessive ♪ it's a contraction what's a contraction? ♪ well, it's the shortening of a word, ♪ or a group of words by the omission of a ♪ sound or letter okay, now here's news ♪ syntax you're always mangling no "x" in "espresso" ♪ your participle's danglin' but i don't want your drama ♪ if you really wanna leave out that oxford comma ♪ just keep in mind that "be", "see", "are", "you"
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♪ are words, not letters get it together ♪ use your spellchecker you should never ♪ write words using numbers unless you're seven ♪ or your name is prince i hate these word crimes ♪ you really need a full time proofreader ♪ you dumb mouth-breather well, you should hire ♪ some cunning linguist to help you distinguish ♪ what is proper english one thing i ask of you ♪ time to learn your homophones is past due ♪ learn to diagram a sentence too ♪ always say "to whom" don't ever say "to who" ♪ and listen up when i tell you this ♪ i hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis ♪ you finished second grade i hope you can tell ♪ if you're doing good or doing well ♪ about better figure out the difference ♪ irony is not coincidence and i thought that you'd gotten ♪ it through your skull what's figurative and ♪ what's literal oh but, just now, you said ♪ you literally couldn't get out of bed ♪ that really makes me want to literally
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♪ i read your e-mail it's quite apparentr grmar's errant you're incoherent ♪ saw your blog post it's really fantastic ♪ that was sarcastic oh, psych! ♪ 'cause you write like a spastic ♪ i hate these word crimes your prose is dopey ♪ think you should only write in emoji ♪ oh, you're a lost cause go back to pre-school ♪ get out of the gene pool try your best to not drool ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's how you do it! the mandatory world tour resumes next month. weird al yankovic, everybody. ( cheers and applause )
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