tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS March 21, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! how area you? ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: i like that! >> stephen: what's going on? please, have a seat, everybody. you're too kind. thanks. welcome. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) first of all, obviously, happy tuesday, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) tuesday crowd. tuesday crowd. >> jon: taco tuesday. >> stephen: it's the second dave spring? today is the second day of spring. you know who has a bad case of the mondays this tuesday? the trump administration. because, apparently, paranoia
has seized the trump white house. i'm surprised. i thought russia was going to seize it. trump staffers, evidently, are so paranoid about the media, "they're staying mum in meetings out of concern that their comments could be leaked to the press by foes." i have some bad news. it didn't work, because your foes have leaked your mum-staying. and it's not just the press. not just the press they're paranoid about. white house staff are also afraid that "a 'deep state' of career military and intelligence officials is out to destroy them." now, what is a deep state? i thought it was what you achieved after doing three bong hits and watching "planet earth." very deep, very deep. those lizards are going to get caught by those snakes. snakes are talking to each other. in fact, it's a permanent
pulling the strings behind the scenes. one white house staffer is so fearful about the deep state spying on him that "once he gets home in the evening, he turns off his work phone and stores it in a drawer because he believes it could be used to listen to him, even when it's off." you fool. now the c.i.a. will have intel on your collection of loose batteries and takeout menus. and when he needs to make a call from home, this staefers, "uses a separate, personal phone in an adjoining room, where stowed work device wouldn't be able to pick up his voice as clearly." smart. because even if there's a vast government conspiracy out to get you, they'd never bug two phones. not going to happen. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: they aren't going to bug two phones. >> stephen: a lot of paranoia fans here tonight. i think this paranoia is just e
washington, d.c. it happens every time, you know. you went washington. you went to work for trump because you wanted to tear down the government. now you have to deal with it. now you are the government. it's like a dog who spent his whole life chasing the car. now he has to drive the car. we're not happy about it, either, by the way. remember, we're in the back seat of a car being driven by a dog now. all right. ( cheers and applause ) this dog knows how to drive stick in this metaphor. does anyone here-- this is a kind of private and personal question. mind if i ask you one, a personal question? ( applause ). >> stephen: dozen anyone here dabble in the marijuana? shh! don't tell our attorney general and forest gnome whose riddles are kind of racist, jeff sessions. last
against the trend of legalized marijuana, saying "i am astonished to hear people suggest that we can solve our heroin crisis by legalizing marijuana, so people can trade one life-wrecking dependency for another that's only slightly less awful." sure, marijuana is only slightly less awful than heroin-- like how burning your tongue on hot cocoa is only slightly less awful than being set on fire. ( laughter ) ( applause ) just a little-- just a little... sessions really is uptight. if only there was some way to mellow him out. something that's legal in half of america at this point. if jeff sessions decides to partake in the sticky-icky, might i suggest he take a trip to the goodwill? because, recently, a cooler full of marijuana was donated to a goodwill location in monroe, washington. and you were mad when your mom donated your comic book collection.
"mom, have you seen my cooler? i'm going... camping. and i really need my cooler! because, mom, i owe the bears a lot of money, mom. they really want their camping equipment." apparently, employees at this goodwill opened a cooler that had been donated to thrift store and found that it contained 3.75 pounds of pot, with an estimated street value of $24,000. or, as willie nelson calls it, "running low." he's a good guy. willy is a good guy. so as i was saying before, it's tuesday, march 21, the birthday of one of america's finest actors, matthew broderick. and so, i... >> hold it! stop it! stop it! ( cheers and applause ) stop it! ( cheers and applause ) hold on!
this is madness! >> stephen: what? >> this is madness! no, no, see this man right here is a liar. >> stephen: ryan reynolds, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ryan, it's good to see you, but i'm kind of in the middle of my monologue here. >> you shut your gorgeous mouth! i cannot stand here and let you lie to this audience. >> stephen: wait, you don't think matthew broderick is one of america's finest actors? >> of course i do, stephen. he's a national treasure! but i've been sitting back there listening to you deceive these people. today is not tuesday. ( laughter ) >> stephen: what? what? ( cheers and applause ) i'm pretty sure it's tuesday. >> it's thursday! thursday? >> you pre-taped this entire show! >> stephen: how dare you, ryan-- what's your middle name? >> rodney. >> stephen: ryan rodney reynolds, if that
name. it is my sworn duty as a late- night talk show host to stand up here each night and deliver topical, up-to-the minute. comedy. it's kind of my brand. it's what we do. up to the know what the national conversation is you come here because i'm talking about it that night. why on earth would i tape this show five days in advance? why? in >> i don't know-- some sort of scheduling conflict on tuesday? i don't know. >> stephen: that makes no sense. because i'm right here, on tuesday! >> when this airs, yes, but right now, when we're taping it, it's thursday! >> stephen: okay, you're wrong. and i'll prove it, okay. i'm going to do a joke that can only be told on tuesday the 21st. >> oh, oh. i can't wait. >> stephen: hey, so march madness is upon us, and did you hear this? there's only 16 teams left in he tournament. ( rim shot ) ( cheers and applause ) there you go.
it's funny because it's true. >> it's not funny. one, that is not a joke. and "b," that's just how it's scheduled. there are always 16 teams by now. >> stephen: ha! you just said, "by now." >> i meant "then." look, look, here's today's paper, right here, thursday, march 16. >> stephen: you could have just bought that last week and held on to it! hold on one second. look at this. look what i have right here. i have a newspaper. it says it's april 16, 1912. the "titanic" just sank. you want me to do jokes about that, you sick bastard? you've got a real problem! >> don't push me, colbert. it's been a long week! >> stephen: no, it's been a short week, because it's only. tuesday. ( laughter ) here, i'll prove it again. this is the greatest audience in the world. is it tuesday? ( cheers and applause ) what are you going to do now, ryan rodney reynolds, cal
>> oh, that is just sick. you just stole five days of these peoples' lives! >> stephen: you need to calm down. >> no, you do. you're losing it, colbert. take a good look in the mirror! >> stephen: i don't need to because when i look at you, it's like looking in the mirror. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> okay, okay. oh! oh! okay. oh! >> stephen: look, man, i'm sorry. >> i'm sorry, i just came in a little too heated-- god you smell great. >> stephen: i don't know what came over here. let's agree that we can't agree. >> stephen: yeah, there's no need for us to fight. why don't yo
very topical, up-to-date monologue i'm doing. and maybe afterwards you and i can go out and get some tacos. >> tacos? i love tacos. wait, is it because it's taco tuesday? >> stephen: you tell me, riryan. you can't have tacos on a thursday. >> no, that's against the law. >> stephen: so what day is it ryan? ( cheers and applause ) >> it's tuesday! it's tuesday. >> stephen: right you are, my friend. >> i'm sorry, stephen. >> stephen: don't worry about it. hey, as long as you're here, i'd love-- i'm a huge fan! i'd love to do a comedy bit with yo
>> oh, i'd love to, but if this is tuesday, then i'm shooting a movie in l.a. right now. >> stephen: i'll tell you what, how about this. i have an idea. i'm available last thursday to pretape something. are you free back then? >> absolutely. >> stephen: great, let's have done it. >> it will have been a pleasure. >> stephen: ryan reynolds, everybody! stick around. we've got a great show. josh lucas is here. but when we return, i'll ponder big questions with a surprise celebrity guest. who could it be? who could it be?
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i love-- i love-- i love a tuesday night crowd. there is nothing like it. now. ( cheers and applause ) that's what that is? that's a tuesday crowd. now, my friend, you know what i'm excited about? >> jon: what's that. >> stephen: i'm excited on tonight's show, the band green day. amazing. ( cheers and applause ) new album. tremendous. those guys have still got it. they kick it, incredible. >> jon: yeah, they're bad. you know, i sit at this desk every night, and a lot of words come out of my mouth, but some of them stay in my brain, up in the old bone bowngs here. so sometimes i need to let out these deeper brain words-- ideally, i let them out with a fellow celebrity-- in a segment i call, "big questions with even bigger stars!" ( applause ) ( cheers )
>> stephen: man, what a gorgeous night. >> sure is, stephen. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, ryan rodney you like to come up here to think deep stuff, too? >> yeah, it's beautiful to just look up at the stars. >> stephen: absolutely. orion! >> ah, yes. ( laughter ) "the hunter." >> stephen: no, i was saying "oh, ryan, look at those two owls doing it." ( laughter ) >> whoa. that one is hung like an adult human. ( laughter ) >> stephen: food for thought. >> hey stephen? >> stephen: yeah? >> what would you do if you had one day left to live?
>> stephen: i'd go see "avatar" again. >> why? >> stephen: because those two hours felt like two years. ( laughter ) ( applause ) hey, rye? >> yes, david. >> stephen: when you blow out the candles on a cake, what do you wish? >> that the kid whose birthday i crashed doesn't get mad at me. crazy about cake, stephen. crazy about cake. >> stephen: hey, ryan, what would you like written on your tombstone? >> "this space available because ryan reynolds is still alive." ( laughter ) hey, stephen? >> stephen: yeah, ryan? >> stephen: do you think it's really true that laughter is the best medicine? >> stephen: i do now. but back in the '90s, i was pretty sure it was robitussin with codeine. ( laughter ) >> hey, steve-adore. >> stephen: yeah, rye-guy? >> what do you think cats dream about? >> stephen: defenseless humans that taste like tuna. ( laughter )
hey, ryan, in the future, how do you think we'll deal with over-population? >> that's easy, colbert-hug. we'll be fighting to the death in the thunderdome >> stephen: you'd let me win, right? >> no, i would make a necklace of your spine. hey, stephen, if you could have any superpower, what would it be? >> stephen: oh, i'd like to have a high-tech ring that's green and has a lantern on it, and i can use my imagination to make anything out of green light. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> wow, that's a really dumb superpower. ( laughter ) >> stephen: yeah. what superpower would you want? >> i'd like to be able to pe
a public urinal when someone is standing directly behind me. >> stephen: oh, courage bladder. >> yeah. >> stephen: hey triple-r? >> yeah, "s" to the "c"? >> stephen: do you think there is such a thing as a dumb question? >> no! that's a stupid thing to ask. ( laughter ) >> stephen: where do you think we go when we die? >> oh, i don't know about you, but i'm going to canadian heaven. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: there's a canadian heaven? >> oh, yeah. >> stephen: what's the difference between that and american heaven? >> well, canadian heaven is real and american heaven is inside the body of toby keith. >> the big dog? >> yeah. hey,
>> stephen: yes, ryan? >> if you had a time machine, would you go back and kill baby hitler? >> stephen: no, but i'd switch him with baby gandhi just to see what happens. >> hey, steve, what's the meaning of life? >> stephen: well, i suppose it's that we're all here to do good work and treat one another-- >> no, no, no i meant my new movie "life." do you know what it's about? >> stephen: you don't know? >> nah, i never read any of my scripts unless there are a lot of pictures. i love pictures. >> stephen: well, trailer looks cool. i bet you die. >> that's why i don't read the scripts. ( laughter ) hey, stephen, what do you think the future holds? >> stephen: probably a commercial break. ryan reynolds, everybody. "life" opens march 24. we'll be right back with josh lucas. ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back to the show. folks, you know him from "sweet home alabama" and "a beautiful mind." he now stars in "the most hated woman in america." >> i'm sorry. i don't want to hear your excuses. right now all i want out of you is breathing and very little of that. >> come on, i just had a little too much to drink. >> oh, i am assuming it's the drink talking. otherwise i would fire your ass. >> what? you want to get rid of me? go ahead. but i know a lot of secrets about the american eighthest, secrets that might interest the i.r.s. in particular. >> stephen: please welcome josh lucas. ( cheers and applause )
♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the show. >> this is my very first time in this theater and, wow. i was told not to look up because it would become distracting but wow. >> stephen: it's quite beautiful, isn't 2t? >> yes. >> stephen: we love it here. i'm so glad to meet you because i don't often get to interview somebody who grew up on sullivan's island, south carolina, which is where i spent a lot of my childhood. i still go down there. >> this is this amazing little island-- two islands, sullivan's island, and the isle of palm, which is a remote, very beautiful -- >> stephen: sleepy. >> beachy village. i literally went to skoal schoolnext door to my house on the beach and this is the kind of place it was, where a pelican once crashed as we were playing in the playground, which was in the sand dunes. and it broke its wing, and i walked it home to the school--
i wrapped it up and helped it. it's an amazing special place. i know it's changing. >> stephen: not too much. it was pretty much built out in the 1930s, so it's not like a resort, but the school is a lot bigger. >> we rifd when we rented out during the summer and had no heat. we only rented it in the winter because we had no money. we would get it for nine months a year, move out in the summer and people would spend a lot of money to stay there for a week or two weeks, like air bnbat the time. >> stephen: you lived a lot of different placesaise kid, 30 different places, something like that. why did you move so much? >> my parents were very active, particularly in protesting at that point nuclear proliferation. they felt this country was spending too much time and energy building bombs and weapons as opposed to education and health care. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: so this was like 1970s-- 1970s,98
nukes" movement, jackson brown, darrell hannah, that kind of thing? >> absolutely. >> stephen: mostly in the south. >> they focused in the south because that's why my father was from, it's where i was born and it was a place they felt needed the most attention. and they would go-- we moved to south carolina because there was a nuclear plant there -- >> stephen: the polaris sub base there was, too. >> that's exactly what it was. >> stephen: the giant polaris subs which looked like whales of death came right out of sullivan's island, of the harbor there. >> my mother was standing on the deck of the house we lived in on sullivan's island-- you'll love this story-- she was very pregnant, nine months pregnant with my baby sister. and she sees this light coming towards her at high speed. she starts to freak out and panic thinking it's a ufo. it was an f-18 fighter t
her on her feet and almost sent her into birth because of the bases there. sheeshe immediately freaked out, called the base, called the military base, and they said there was no aircraft there at all but it literally knocked her to the ground. >> stephen: did people know your parents were there protesting nuclear weapons? >> i'm sure they did it on purpose. >> stephen: wow, you should get a senate subcommittee to investigate that for you. it's never too late and you don't need any evidence at all. just say, "you're going to call my mom a liar? i'll take you to court." how come you don't have a southern accent. >> like you i had it beantown out of me. >> stephen: i went to act expool they said, "no more of that." >> i had the real, charleston accent -- >> stephen: you were born in little rock. >> fayetteville. >> stephen: my apologize. >> but i did, i had it. i had a real southern accent, and my mother was from new york. >> stephen: when does it come back? >> let's get drunk, man. >> stephen: i'm fine, but when
it is. yeah, a little too much to drink, you get a little angry. or talk to somebody back home on the phone. now how-- how hippie are your parents we're talking about here? like, how-- how committed? how chain yourself to a nuclear reactor were they ( laughter ) >> my father would be so disappointed i say that but on a scale from a sign-out and being arrested and going to jail, they went to jail. they did. they believed hard in what they did. my father-- ( applause ) i watched my father be arrested a number of times for trespassing because that was a way to, you know, have a civil protest without any violence whatsoever. they absolutely believed in the nonviolent movement. but it was amazing as a kid when it happened because once, they put all of these people that were arrested, about 50 people, 99 ndz these pens that they were made of gates. and i-- i was this angry little five, seven-year-old boy outside this gate and i picked up a pine cond
at anything-- but i nearly hit one of the guards, one of the cops that was watching. and he had-- he had a-- this is true-- he had a automatic machine gun in his hand, and he turned and pointed it right at me. and to this day, to this day, a cop pulls me over for a parking ticket. >> and start shake. it terrifies me. >> stephen: you don't keep any pine cones in your glove compartment, do you? i would not recommend that at all. >> pine cones are my civil disobedience. i consider them nonviolent. >> stephen: well, you have a new film called "the most hated woman in america," which is about madeline murray o'hare, and her abduction. and i grew up, i was raised a catholic, and i was, boy, boy, there was nothing-- >> you hated her right. >> stephen: she was certainly somebody you threw darts at in your mind. if you tell the people who she was and what happens in the film. >> madeline murray o'hare was this housewife who had a couple-- maybe illegitimate il
very religious parents. and one day, one of her kids came home homeand talked about how he had to say the lord's prayer at school-- he went to public school. >> stephen: it was in the 60s. >> and she said, "no, you don't." and he said, "well, mom, they said i do. she dragged him into the school and said,"my son does not have to pray." and the woman said, "yes he does." she said, no, he doesn't. sue us." she took it all wait to the supreme court-- i think the amaze thing about the story for everyone to consider, this woman had no money, no political power whatsoever, but she took this mission so far as to go to the supreme court and have the constitution, the laws -- well, the constitution may be honored, it depends on how you look at it. but have the laws of this country change. and it's an amazing thing that she did. and in the process she became, you know, a real true pariah to much of america. they felt like she had taken away this, you know, beautiful thing that happened at the beginning of the school day. >> stephen: right, the idea that there was sort of-- again, there's a perennial sort of football which is prayer in schools. >> exactly. >> stephen: she's theso
happening. >> she stopped it exactly. and her whole point was you can pray but you don't have to pray the lord's prayer. she said should be able to do a prayer from the koran if you want. you should be able to do what you want. it should be your private moment. it became something that was battled over. riots. she had death threats and she createdly the american atheist society, and took it and would literally go to a theater like this with a catholic priest and they would have these dispbz she would rip up the bible in front of everyone and yell and scream. >> stephen: did not make a lot of friends. >> she loved -- >> stephen: and i'm not giving it away-- it did not end well for her. >> it did not end well, which is what i play. i play the guy who she helped-- she was a-- someone who believed in helping others, without a doubt. so she took this guy who was in prison and he worked for her and in the process, she started showing him how she was basically taking the money that people were sending her for the work that she
embezzling it and putting it in offshore accounts. so he realized that. when they had that battle that you see in that scene, she embarrasses him and he decides to retaliate by taking her-- kidnapping her and her son and her granddaughter. and it does not go well. >> stephen: does not gl gwell. and the police didn't even want to look because she was-- >> she disappeared for five years and nobody investigated, the police or f.b.i., because they were so happy she was missing. >> stephen: would. well, happy that you're here. >> grateful to be here. >> stephen: please come back to sullivan's island. you'll still like it. "the most hated woman in america" is on netflix march 24. josh lucas, everybody. we'll be right back with andy daly. is that ice cream? no, it's, uh, breyers gelato indulgences. you really wouldn't like it. it's got caramel and crunchy stuff. i like caramel and crunchy stuff. breyers gelato indulgences. it's way beyond ice cream.
with 9 lobster dishes.est is back try succulent new lobster mix & match or see how sweet a lobster lover's dream can be. there's something for everyone and everyone's invited. so come in soon. it's league night!? 'saved money on motorcycle insurance with geico! goin' up the country. bowl without me. frank.' i'm going to get nachos. snack bar's closed.
my next guest stars in the most critically acclaimed show ever to have a man eat 45 pancakes in a single episode. from comedy central's "review," please welcome andy daly! ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> so excited. so excited to be here. delightful! >> stephen: nice to have you, and i understand you walked here through the snow. >> i did walk here. the traffic was so bad at 39th and 3rd i said to the driver, "i'll get out and walk. and i thought he would say, "no, i can do it." and he was like, "yeah. i'm not good at this." >> stephen: dp we dry you off when you came in here? did we treat you nice? >> it was invigorating to walk. >> stephen: oh, good gee, i used to live in new york and all my street walking instincts came back to me, weaving in and up on the of people, avoiding getting burned by cigarettes by a centimeter, cin
it was great. i'm good at this. >> stephen: it sounds like want x.games. people throughout who recognize you might know you from "modern family" or from "review," obviously. a lot of people know you from the car max commercials. >> that's true. >> stephen: you have been doing the car max commercials for how long? >> a couple of years. i'm the car max guy. >> stephen: do people ask you advice? do they think you know about cars? >> i don't get that so much as i get critiques about my car. like people telling me, "how come car max can't get you a better car?" >> stephen: do you not have a good car. >> i'm good driver but i'm not a good parker so my car is dinged up from poles and wheelchairs and all kinds of things that accidentally -- >> stephen: like being a great chipper but you can't putt. >> right, exactly. i cannot close the deal on a parking space. it's all dinged up all over the place and i get pretty much constant ridicule for that. but, you know, it's fair. >> stephen: good. >> maybe car max should-- maybe car max should give m
( cheers and applause ) there's a lot of popular support for that idea. >> stephen: now you were-- you're an improvisor. you have improvised for years. you were one of the first people to do the u.c.b. theater training here in new york. ddo youip still improvise? >> i do. i am in an improv group that was assembled in 1998 by amy poehler. she was our original director. ( applause ) yup. and there are four of us who have now migrated out to explz do a show the first saturday of everybody months at the u.c.b. theater. we're still at it.
time. has it changed over the years? after 20 years of doing this are you a different improvisor or a different group from 20 years ago? >> i would say so. i notice now as opposed to when we were in our 20s we feendz a lot of excuses to sit down. the shows used to be, i'm climbing the side of building, you're coming out of a window," and now it's like, let's pull up four chairs and argue for a half hour." >> stephen: "review" is come back for which season, what number? >> this will be our third. >> stephen: third and final season. >> that's like, you don't know whether to applaud. >> stephen: that's true. you want us to honor but you don't want to celebrate. >> no. >> stephen: i love this show because i-- i-- i said to you backstage, it reminds me, aldly of "our town," because this is a man who is completely disassociated with living his life. he's reviewing everything. >> right. >> stephen: every experience that he has. it's sort of oddly deconstructed view of the world. >> yes, he is observing human life from a remove,
hard to do while you're alive. but it's because he's really not living his life. he's -- >> stephen: can you give the people an example of something that he has done that you would normally review? >> the show is-- forest mcneil is the character i play, and his viewers make requests of him, "will you do this and review it?" in the first season he had to review what is it like to make a sex tape? and he asked his wife to participate in a sex tape with him and she said no. oftentimes things go awry -- >> stephen: one time someone requested he review what it's like to get divorced so he asked his wife for a divorce. >> exactly. that was in the very next episode after the sex tape didn't happen, he asked his wife fair divorce. and because it's for the show but he doesn't want to tell her it's for the show that would skew the experience. it makes perfect sense. he doesn't tell her why he's asking for a divorce, and he didn't want one, and she
want one, and it's a gut-wremping scene. >scene. >> stephen: what about the sex tape? >> because his wife would not participate in the sex tape here, bought a $4,000 hyperrealistic sex doll to do it with. and what we did to shoot this, i'm sorry to say, our prop master went to a place that sells these, and he was able to borrow the floor model for-- ( laughter ) he was able to borrow the floor model. >> stephen: the sample. >> the sample model that's on the floor. >> stephen: these are machine washable, yes? >> i don't know that! i mean what, disturbs me is that someone is the last person to leave that showroom every night pup know what i'm saying? >> stephen: sure. >> maybe you don't, but let's not go further into it. anyhow, this thing is hideous. the doll is hideous and it has a snap-offable face, of course. and it accidentally snapped off while we were shooting it. what a nightmare. >> stephen: sure, sure. >> the weirdest thing that happened with that segment because i'm also the produce
edtipping, i was watching a cut of it at a coffee shop. i'm sitting in a coffee shop and watching a cut -- >> stephen: on your laptop. >> yeah omy laptop of the segment where i'm having sex with this rubber doll and i'm sitting there taking notes and observing the cut, and then after a half hour of this, i turn around and realize there's a whole bunch of people that can see my screen. >> stephen: is it blurred. >> no, not at all. it's just them watching a man watching himself have sex with a rubber doll and take notes. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: i watched that. i'll watch that. >> "here's how i would do that differently next time." >> stephen: well, good luck with the next season. >> thank you. >> stephen: i'm sorry it's the last season. >> yeah. ( light applause ) >> stephen: lovely to meet you. >> thank you so much. >> stephen: "review" airs thursdays on comedy central. andy daly, everybody! we'll be right back. lovely!
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>> hey, everybody? how's it hanging? >> stephen: what can i do for you, lord? >> do you mind if i introduce these guys? >> stephen: sure, yeah, go ahead. >> thanks! i'm a huge fan. ladies and gentlemen, here performing "still breathing" off their new album, "revolution radio," please welcome five-time grammy winners and god's favorite band, green day! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm like a child looking off on the horizon ♪ i'm like an ambulance that's turning on the sirens ♪ oh i'm still alive ♪ i'm like a soldier coming home for the first time ♪ i dodged a bullet and i walked across a landmine ♪ oh i'm still alive
♪ am i bleeding am i bleeding from the storm? ♪ just shine a light into the wreckage so far away, away ♪ 'cause i'm still breathing se'cau s i'mtill ♪ breathing on my own my head's above ♪ the rain and roses making my way away ♪ 'cause i'm still breathing 'cause i'm still ♪ breathing on my own my head's above he♪ t rain and roses makiy ng mway away my way to you ♪ i'm like a junkie tying off for the last time ♪ i'm like a loser that's betting on his last dime ♪ oh ♪'m still alive
that was raised without a father ♪ i'm like a mother barely keeping it together ♪ oh i'm still alive ♪ am i bleeding am i bleeding from the storm? ♪ just shine a light into the wreckage so far away, away ♪ 'cause i'm still breathing 'cause i'm still ♪ breathing on my own my head's above ♪ the rain and roses making my way away ♪ 'cause i'm still breathing 'cause i'm still ♪ breathing on my own my head's above ♪ the rain and roses making my way, away away ♪i as walked out on the ledge are you scared to death to live?
♪ i've been running all my life just to find a home ♪ that's for the restless and the truth ♪ that's in the message makiy ng mway, away, away ( cheers and applause ) ♪ 'cause i'm still breathing 'cause i'm still ♪ breathing on my own my head's above ♪he rain and roses making my way away ♪ 'cause i'm still breathing 'cause i'm still ♪ breathing on my own my head's above ♪ the rain and roses making my way, away, away my way to you ♪
"the late show," everybody. tune in tomorrow when my guests will be glenn close, michael mckean, and h. jon benjamin. now stick around for james corden and his guests, allison williams and darren criss. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show