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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  May 4, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

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sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! (cheers and applause). >> stephen: hey. >> hey! >> stephen: good to see you. good to see you. hey, ladies and gentlemen, please. welcome to the late show. welcome to the late show. i'm your host, stephen colbert. first of all, happy star wars shall star wars day, everybody, may the fourth be with you. also i think the republicans may have fourthed you off your health insurance because the house voted to repeal and replace obamacare just a few hours ago. for more let's go to our
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congressional-- no, i know the feeling. let's go to our congressional reporter ben. ben, what was that moment like? >> as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror. >> stephen: thanks, ben. now, he's a good kid. now when they tried to pass this kind of bill back in march moderate republicans thought that it was too harsh. while conservative republicans thought it was too soft. the only person who thought its with just right was oregon congresswoman goldi locks. she was into it at first but eventually voted for the bill after they promised her $8 billion in porridge subsidies. under obamacare insurers were forced to cover certain essential health benefits like maternity care, emergency services an preventive services but this new bill allows states to waive the benefit rules and set up their own standards. you know, because people get sick differently in different states. in california you could be suffering from hella foot pain,
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brah. whereas in massachusetts, it is wicked bad gout in your red sa-wx. that is a perfect boston accent. meryl streep. (applause) absolutely. of course the big question is whether the new plan will cover preexisting conditions. and the answer is a def no. cuz the bill has an amendment that allows states to opt out. opting out. very popular provision with many of the states who already fly the traditional opt out flag. and the term, yes, i agree. and i'm from there. and of course it wouldn't be a republican bill if didn't include tax cuts. obamacare was paid for largely with a tax increase on the richest americans. the new bill would cut taxes for the
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now listen, if hearing that raises your blood pressure, calm down, you can't afford the medication any more. but if all of this seems extreme, don't worry. some members of congress are telling journalists that the bill's controversial provisions aren't a bug deal because quote no state would be crazy enough to actually ask for them. have you met florida? right there on their state seal, crazy enough. so they did it. obamacare is finally, officially dead is something they he can say once the bill goes to the senate then gets out of committee, is debated on the floor where amendments can be added then the senate votes on their bill which is sent to conference committee where the differences between the two bills are ironed out then voted on in the hou
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then sent to the white house for the president to sign. which is why republicans were chanting, we're number one-third of the way through a very complex process. (applause). >> stephen: all that is true but it did not stop republicans from throwing a massive beer bash. and it wasn't just beer, no, i mean they haven't accomplished anything yet but it wasn't just beer. they also served unhatched chickens, there was so much food they had to bring in a cart before a horse it was very levly. after the vote, it it took awhile for the metaphor to catch on in the room but they got there evellntuay. after the vote, one reporter ran into reince priebus who told her, the president stepped up and helped punt the ball into the end zone. yes, a punt into the end zone. accurate because it gets you zero points and gives y
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opponent good field position. (applause) punta way. thank you very much. >> jon: i got you. >> stephen: i think a more accurate football metaphor might have been the gop just kicked america in the balls. thank you, thank you, thank you, piano hand. right after the vote the republicans went over to the white house where donald trump spoke about the bill in front of the nation's strategic white guy reserves. and he wanted to be very clear about what this is. >> this is, make no mistake, this is a repeal and a replace of obamacare, make no mistake about it. make no mistake. tz yes, make no mistake. we've already made enough for today. all the mistakes are taken.
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and trump did have a very important question for the assembled. how am i doing? am i doing okay, i'm president, hey, i'm president, can you believe t right? tz no, we still can't. it's just-- (cheers and applause) swrz here i stand with pi back against the wall. >> stephen: and trump walked about-- talked about everyone who came together to pass this bill. >> we have the tuesday group, we have so many groups. the we have the freedom caucus, we have-- and they're all great people. we have a lot of groups tz yeah, a lot of groups. the guys who wear stripe tie, the guys who wear solid tie, the bald guy, not bald guys, very diverse coalition. and of course there was high praise for the president from house majority leader kevin mccarthy. >> i've only been through a few presidents but i've never seen someone so hands on tz neither have we. he's hands o
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especially health care. he's already volunteered to do all the mammograms. but based on a true story, that joke. but if you lose your health care, remember laughter is the best medicine. until yesterday when a jury convicted a woman who laughed at jeff sessions. see trump's america isn't so bad it's jis that laughter is now a crime. the woman desiree fairooz was convicted of disrupting sessions confirmation hearings when alabama senator richard shelby said this. >> but in reality, jeff sessions extensive record of treating all americans equally under the law is clear and well-documented. tz oh! oh, you just got busted. for first degree chuckling with intent to titter. now fairooz defended herself saying her laughter was a
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reflex. i understand that. i mean it's like my gag reflex every time i say president-- trump. (applause) now this is true, fairooz could face up to a year in prison, okay. that is harsh. she could end up joining a gang, or worse an improv troupe. we now live in a world where laughing at jeff sessions is a federal offense. so for your own-- your own safety, please do not laugh at how much jeff sessions looked like my writer mike's brand new baby. (laughter) you're all going to jail. re
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(laughter) oh, donald trump was in new york city tonight. the big apple, the big apple got a visit from the yu gge orange. start spreading fake news. he attended a ceremony commemorating the 75th anniversary of the battle of the coral sea aboard theu ss intrepid, an aircraft considerrier turned museum. it is permanently docked in the mud at 44th street, or as trump would say, it is heading to north korea as i speak. steaming right out, whooo whooo. but before he came it to new york, trump signed another executive order. this one supposedly about religious liberty.
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>> today my administration is leading by example as we take historic steps to protect religious liberty in the united states of america. (applause) we will not allow people of faith to be targeted, bullied or silenced any more. tz unless you're a muslim then steve bannon's giving you a swirly. locker room baptism. among other things, this executive order relaxes enforcement of rules barring tax exempt churches from participating in politics. now a lot of people are upset because they're afraid religion is going to have too much influence on politics. but i go to church. and here's the thing am i'm afraid it's going to get politics all over my religion. we don't want our churches to end up like congress with all the democrats is thing on one side of the pews and all the republicans on the other. somebody will filibuster the ourer father and it will broadcast on the
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see span. but maybe god wants it this way. >> no way, stephen, no way. >> stephen: god, is that you, hey, it's god, everybody. >> yes, yes, hi there. hi, everybody. god is in the hizy. actually i'm everywhere, i'm omni present. what are you going to do. >> stephen: so god, you don't think churches should be more political? >> of course not, politics just confuses, me, stephen. i was sure it was going to be jeb, jeb! so come on, the guy is a fountain of charisma. >> stephen: i understand. so you don't talk an active role in elections. >> no, i'm too busy deciding important things like football. you got to love that tom brady. they say the man was made in god's image but have you seen his cheek bones. i should be so lucky. i just don't like kale, that's weird. >> stephen: so then how do you feel about trump's executive order? >> well, not a big fan
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extough orders. they don't work. i tried ten of them once and everybody is still coveting their neighbor's wife and taking my name in vein. but even i do that when i bang my knee on the coffee table. me, dammity. >> stephen: god, if you had to choose, would you go democrat or republican? >> oh, neither, stephen. isn't it obvious by now, i'm an anarchist. didn't you see how many fast & furious move years there are, come on, it's a sub marine chasing cars, it's chaos. >> stephen: god, everybody. we is have a great show for you, thank you, lord. charles barkley is here. stick around. thank you.
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tz welcome back, everybody. jon batiste and stay human right over there. >> stephen: now before we get going here, before we get going here i just want to let everybody know once again that i'm coming up on my 20th anniversary of working in late night. i started over at the the old show, the show before that, jon stewart back in 1997. and-- (cheers and applause). >> stephen: we're not on the air for the week of my anniversary so instead next tuesday we're going to have on my old friends jon stewart, we're going to have on john oliver, sam bee, ed helms and rob cord dree are all-- corddry and are going to be here, maybe others. now jon, speaking of surprises, you have some very talented and wonderful guests, please explain who is sitting with the band. >> jon: celebrating the 65th birthday of the late great sharon jones, we have the da
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(applause). >> stephen: thank you so much for being here. thank you for being here. always wonderful to have you and sharon here on this show or the old show, and she will always be remembered with great pleasure and great love. thank you so much for being here on the show tonight. now ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an 11 time nba all-star and the owner of the worst golf swing i have ever seen. please welcome charles barkley. (applause) >> how are you doing. >> stephen: i'm doing fine. >> you owe me some money, don't you. >> stephen: i do because i said the last time were you on
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swing which is. >> ledge enary. >> stephen: is terrible. and we made a bet, and the bet was i said that the warriors would win last year. >> and you were wrong. >> stephen: i was wrong. >> let it roll off your tongue. >> stephen: i was wrong and we bet a round of golf, i would pay for a round of golf. >> we are. >> stephen: where, when and how much will this cost me. >> it depens on the golf course. >> stephen: where do you like to play? >> we can play in philadelphia or new york it doesn't matter to me. i tell you what i do, since i am a goods guy. you want to run the game again and make it two rounds again and i'm still going against the warriors. >> stephen: i will go with the warriors this time because i think they are hungry. >> they were hungary last time. >> stephen: they are hungrier this time, they have something to prove this time, lebron is going to be soft because he's already got it. >> lebron is not soft. is he a lot of things but soft ain't one of them, yeah. i was hoping to catch a knicks playoff game when was up here, what happened. just
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>> stephen: they're off playing with ringling right now, i think. no, so okay, the nba playoffs have started. when do i need to start paying attention? because i enjoy the last five minutes of every basketball game. >> that's a big miss. >> stephen: what are you talking about. >> that is a myth you like to watch the last five minutes. >> stephen: it is not a myth that that is what i like. >> okay, listen, the playoffs are tbing on light now. it's exciting. houston is playing great, the kafs playing great,. >> stephen: warriors. >> warriors are playing phenomenal. >> stephen: killing it. >> isaiah thomas probably the biggest thing going in sports right now, with the adversity is he playing through, shout out to isaiah thomas. he's amazing. >> stephen: when you look at the teams these younger players, are you one of those retired players who say oh, it was a much tougher day in my game
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played so much harder. >> i have to be careful because any time you say anything we're the grumpy old parents now. >> stephen: uh-huh. >> like you can't say anything about, first of all, they gave themselves the nickname, they call themselves millenials. you can't give yourself a nickname, i hate that. >> stephen: i'm not sure they call themselves millenial, i think other people call them millenials. >> furs of all, they should vus say rich spoiled brads, these kids today. this generation, man, we give all these kids everything. they don't appreciate anything. they won't all the new phones, they want everything. >> stephen: i certainly disagree with you about my core demographic. i think-- i think they are wonderful, we are the hope of this nation. you deserve everything you have. i have to say that, have i to say that. >> i understand that. you have bills to pay. >> stephen: i have to say that. but seriously, speak from the heart. was it a tougher game when were you younger. >> it was definitely a tougher
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game. it was more physical. these guys are very talented. but they made it easier on them. they take rest periods now. >> stephen: what? >> guys miss games because they just want to rest. >> stephen: wow. i hear they provide fluids. rest like they don't play every game. >> they don't play every game, they rest. they fly private jets. when i played, we flew commercial. >> stephen: oh good lord. >> just think about it. >> stephen: good lord. how did they fit you? >> very uncomfortable. >> stephen: yeah. >> very uncomfortable. but you know what, i have been so lucky and blessed. god bless these young players. but they are spoiled rotten. >> stephen: remind me not to have you meet my preparer. now ice cube this summer is doing what is called a three on three league with retired players. have you thought about player. >> i haven't given it a thought. no. >> stephen: what about you and me, i played a little bit when i
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>> you wasn't no good at it. >> stephen: how do you know. can i play horse. can i play. >> that's not playing basketball. >> stephen: it's just three on three. jon batiste was on a national championship team right over there. >> i'm good. >> that is the reason he's playing music. >> jon: oh, oh! >> stephen: are you going to sit there and take that from charles barkley. >> i'm ready, i'm ready. >> yeah, yeah, okay. first of all-- . >> stephen: should we are have a contest. >> no, no. >> stephen: want to see who has the better vertical. >> i saw y'all run around and do your little thing. >> stephen: yeah. >> and then i saw you sit down and it took you like three minutes to catch your breathe. i saw that. he was huffing app puffing. you sit there and you are like-- it remind me of shaq when he runs to the board. he can't breathe. >> stephen: i want to hear more of this.
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break. we'll be right back with charles barkley. stick around. driven to award shows, parties and across so many silver screens. we have seen the glory come, go, and come again. but a cadillac is no trophy. no museum piece. ♪ this is our future... and it will inspire every car that follows. ♪ intermission is over.
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from the damage of the wash. so your favorite clothes stay your favorite clothes. downy fabric conditioner. >> stephen: hey, buddy. we're back with charles barkley. now charles, it seems that the nba or tnt has just released emojis based on retired players and 1078 of their sportscasters. i just want to point out that your emoji right here is a half eaten donut. how do you feel about that? is that hurt your feelings? >> you know, listen, i'm a little heavy right now. you know, i just got my second hip replacement. so i haven't been able to work out, so the donuts have been flowing
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and i, everybody know i'm a krispy kreme guy. like when are you driving up the street and that little hot sign comes on. >> stephen: yeah. >> you have to-- i can't stop it. >> stephen: that's just a black hole. >> it is. that little heart sign, it's like graph taitional pull. >> stephen: neil degrasse tie son can't explain that. >> no, he can not, he can not. but i love krispy kremes, but can i work out now, i have two functioning hips. >> stephen: okay, again, the three on three this summer. >> no. i'm not-- listen, you got to know your limitations. pi basketball days are over. they over. and just for the record, y'all's over too. >> stephen: mine never really began. mine never really began. now you have-- you have opinions on everything. all right? you have opinions on everything in the world. i understand you have an opinion on a fas
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end a fashion trend. >> pie goal is to ruin, rid the world of the man bun. (applause) that, that is not a thing. so we got-- . >> stephen: because you can't grow one? what's the reason? >> no-- yes, you're right on that. but we have this kid without work named andy. he had a man bun. i said i will give you $1,000 to cut off that thing, let me cut it off on tv. and i cut off the man bun. the thing was, i would have went up to 5,000, well $2500. but i said $1,000. i said $1,000. he jumped at the $1,000. so i cut his man bun and pie goal, if i can get me a little group of guys together and we just walk around the country just holding guys down just cutting off that damn man bun. >> stephen: not sure that's legal. not sure if that is legal. i just want to pause one second here and we'll edit this moment ouin
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is undone right there. >> oh, sorry. up here, steven-- stephen. (applause). >> stephen: all right. my apologies. >> okay. >> that's okay. >> stephen: i'm only human. >> eye contact. >> stephen: i understand. i understand. >> you know, deep in there is a six pack. >> stephen: down in your naval, like in a mini fridge. >> yeah, deep, deep. it's bigger than a mini fridge right now. but next time i come on your show, i'm going to be svelt. >> stephen: all right, all right. >> i'm going to spend my entire summer working out with my trainer. >> stephen: all right, i will see you in september. >> okay. >> stephen: that sounds good, that sounds good. (applause) all right, sounds good. now you have got a very serious project right now on tnt. it's called american
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its four hour long shows where you travel around the united states to talk to people about race. why did you want to do this? why now? >> well, i wanted to do a positive show on race. and it starts about the situation between the black community and the cops. >> we need to mend that fence. clearly some things that happened, the cops made some mistakes and some people in the black community get mads at me because i defend the cops. that doesn't mean that i follow the cops blindly. i always support the cops but they have made some mistakes and we have to bridge that gap. one episode is about the muslim ban. i think it's so disrespectful to allow a lump a whole religious browp into a box thinking this he are all terrorists and things like that. so that is a really powerful episode. (applause)
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undocumented immigrants who i think are getting a bad rap in this country. they're here, they're working their behind off. they do a lot of work. the blacks and whites don't want to do. and really just like lay everything out on the table. so i met some amazing people. we have been working on the show for the last few months am like i said, i just want to create a debate. i'm not trying to change anybody's mind. but we say this one lady, she is amazing, is he goes crazy on me because her son she said was beaten to death on the cops. >> and she said i ulsz always support the cop. i said to a certain degree. i don't want everybody to think they do things perfect. but i wanted people to see her face and her pain. that was really important for me to show that. and also we talk about the mugs limb-- muslim religion. but i don't even they any muslims like that.
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some time around a muslim family and so they can see these are actually real people. and same thing with the undocumented immigrants. i spent a day with them, and they have been here over 20 something years, work four an pfeiffer jobs, the mom and dad, the three kids, like straight a students. and they don't drive, they don't go out at night 6789 they have a system where they talk to each other every hour to make sure something hasn't happened. and i asked-- . >> stephen: that one of them hasn't been pucked up by ice. >> i asked what is the difference between president trump and president obama. they said there is a big difference. because under president obama they only got deported for felonies. where president trump they are getting deported even for misdemeanors, so clearly that say huge difference. like i say, i wanted to bring a conversation to it. >> stephen: what about in sports. do you think we're going backwards at all? because adam jones who is the center fielder for the orioles got called racial slurs at fenway the otherig
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word, people throwing peanuts at him. and then the next night came out and got a standing ovation. >> i didn't like that standing ovation. if i was in a crowd of people and they were insumenting any ethnic group, i think that i am man enough to call them out. i'm not going to sit there and let them we rate anybody continuously. so i was more disappointed in the crowd, because if somebody is just sitting there listening, you are condoning it. >> stephen: silence is consent is what are you saying. (applause) well, the series is called american race. the man is charles barkley. it premiers next thursday on tnt. you can see charles on inside the nba throughout the playoffs. charles barkley, everybody. (applause) thank you. we'll be right back with debra wing are.
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>> stephen: hey, welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is an academy award nominated actress you know from an officer and a gentlemen and terms of endearment, please welcome deborah winger. -- debra winger. (applause). >> stephen: i'm so glad to have you on the show and i'm so glad to see you out in the movies again because i know you haven't really gone away am but for years you were like a darling of the film industry, for the younger people out there who might not necessarily know, your biggest hits, officer & and a gentleman, terms of endearment, shadowlands, and-- urban cowboy. >> good one. >> stephen: i have v
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aids, baby. i have got visual aids. >> well, you know, i'm stoaked to be following charles barkley because now nothing i say will be a problem. i mean-- cuz you know, my kids were watching. i thought oh, they're going to like him more than he me. but then he just dissed their whole generation, so. >> stephen: that's true. how old are your kids. >> i have one in college. >> stephen: good. >> and then the other two are, you know, ten years older. >> stephen: okay. >> yeah, there was a pause. i do that in pie life, evidently. >> stephen: so you were an industry darling for ten years and sort of walked away from big hollywood. why did you do that? >> i know that it's a thing. and i'm trying to figure out an answer to it but i didn't feel like i was walking away, i just was following my life and it wasn't there in hollywood. >> stephen: where did it end up being sph. >> it was, you know, i have a family. i have three pretty good dudes that i hung out with for awhile. i have a farm, i taught a little
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i did some stuff. >> stephen: you moved out to the farm. >> well, we live on a farm, yeah. an old dairy farm. >> stephen: is jon stewart out there, because he's somewhere out on a farm out there. >> i work on the ranch. i live on the farm. so that's it. >> stephen: now i understand that you grew up in a jewish house but you are are kind of obsessed with catholic things. >> i was very obsessed with catholic saints. >> stephen: i love that we have saints. >> pretty grisly, man. >> stephen: well, some of them are. >> well, no, all of them, all of them. none of them died in their sleep, sok okay. a happy death. >> stephen: do you have any favorite gris leigh. >> well, what about your patron saifnt. >> stephen: st. stephen, the first martyr, he was an antioch. >> he was stoned to death because he dissed the jews. >> stephen: he did if? >> yeah, that's what he did. >> stephen: i'm not sure i want to be named for him now. >> i'm's just saying, check it out. but the women saints, this he are the most, they get really creative. >> stephen: okay. >> because
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c religions is pretty sexist, a little bit. >> stephen: well, god has a beard. you had a bit of a reputation with going head-to-head with your costars and kind of mixing up with them. >> this is just going so bad for me. >> stephen: no, it's going so great. so shirley maclane, you just insta grahammed this, you and shirley, with a hashtag bury the hatchet. what is that shall. >> yeah, she in my back. >> stephen: she is holding the hatchet. how did this come about and why did you want to do it. >> furs of all the only social media i do which is instagram, my youngest son convinced moo he that it was the friend-- friend leeeasy. >> stephen: instagram. >> yeah, so i came up with that hashtag when i ran into her at a restaurant which is where that restaurant was taken, when somebody else was supposed to meet us for lunch, and we were waiting. this girlfriend of mine, we're waiting for her sis tore-- sister to arrive and the hos
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years old, somewhere the synapse in her brain said oh, shirley mclane is going to debra winger's traibl. so imagine both of our surprise when she is being-- surprises, both of our surprise. >> sitting right here so i could ask him the proper english. anyway they walked her over to the table and are like oh my-- . >> stephen: she wasn't supposed to have. >> she said no, that's not my editor. >> stephen: so she just drabbinged shirley over to you. >> yeah. i was like shirl, can we take a picture, hi, how are you? well, i may as well sit here. so-- . >> stephen: so you had lunch together. >> we had lunch together. >> stephen: what a lovely story? i done know. now we got to go in a minute you about i want to hear about the movie the lovers. you and tracy letz who is your husband. >> not in life. >> stephen: but in the movie is he your husker a brilliant writer and actor, and you guys are having affairs on each other, correct?
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>> well, i probably wouldn't thve given that spoiler, but anks. >> stephen: can i cut it out. >> no, no. >> stephen: debra winger what is the movie about. >> good one. >> stephen: yes. >> no, no, i just think we talk about marriage, you've been married i think for a similar amount of time i have, 25 years. >> stephen: in that ball park. >> an have i three kids. >> stephen: i have three kids too, it's like looking in a mirror. >> right, i feel that way too. no, it is the story that -- jacobs wrote and i guess for me it was about how we live in such an impermanent world, everything we have been talking about is based on the fact that it's going to change and you better be able to white-knuckle it show. but then we set up this institution of marriage and it is supposed to not change. we're supposed to stay in love and have the same enthusiasm and wake up every morning and be crazy about each other. and sometimes it doesn't work that way. so yeah, you find other ways to feel good and then maybe you don't feel so good about
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thatment but it's a comedy and-- (laughter) sorry. >> stephen: so i'm guessing there is some sex in it, is there sex in it. >> there is so much sex. >> stephen: you just sold some tickets right now, debra winger. >> no, there really is a lot of sex. >> stephen: so there is plenty of sex in this movie. >> but there's naked sex. it's not-- . >> stephen: there's naked sex. that's my favorite kind. >> i'm happy to hear that. >> stephen: tonight, the lovers opened tomorrow, debra winger, everybody, we'll be right back with comedian sarah tollemache.
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narrator:to do time is what is right. ralph northam. army doctor during the gulf war. volunteer director of a pediatric hospice. progressive democrat. in the senate, he passed the smoking ban in restaurants, stopped the transvaginal ultrasound anti-choice law, and stood up to the nra. as lieutenant governor, dr. northam is fighting to expand access to affordable healthcare. ralph northam believes in making progress every day. and he won't let donald trump stop us. >> hey, everybody. folks, my next guest is a new york comedian making her network television bay due-- debut, please welcome sarah
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>> hi. (applause) i recently just did uber pool, but by mistake. like i didn't realize i pressed the pool part on the app. so the driver came and picked me up and then he went to go pick up moar person. so i just thought i was getting murdered. (laughter) and i still didn't say anything. like i was just in the backseat likeu m, never mind. i don't want to be a bother during pie murder. i was like what was the other option, fight for my life and then be wrong? it was so embarrassing when i do that. like sorry for scratching your eyes out am i will just give you five stars. that's fair. i ve
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dad a lot recently. he's getting old am actually, he is old. he's not getting old. he's like right there. and you can tell like he's kind of getting forgetful. like i went shopping with him recently, and he accidentally left my sister and i in the car. we were fine though cuz we're in our 30s. (laughter) but it was like dad, if we were children this would have been a disaster. so we just wamped youtube videos and rolled down the window. babies can't do that. cuz they're stupid. (laughter) also my dad can't hear well, which is kind of frustrating when i'm hanging out with him because i'm just repeating small talk all the time. which is not my favorite way of doing small talk. like i was with him and i was
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just like, it looks like they cut the slubs out here pretty short. and my dad is like what did you say? i'm like you want me to repeat that? i didn't even want to say it in the first place. everybody thinks i care about the slubs out here. -- i was eating a the this restaurant and my neighborhood and i didn't finish my meal so i asked the waitress to box my food up for me. and then she replied with when did you decide to give up. i know, it took me a long time to figure out that she was talking about my food. that i just replied with, eight years ago. i just-- now i'm just like trying to take better rer care of myself, i
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the other day. i don't have a fit bit, i just count outloud when i walk. like so much cheaper, you know. just been doing that a lot of self-improvement. like i'm trying to get out of debt right now. i don't have a lot of debt, it is just like enough where i think about it all day long. do you guys have that debt? one time i did get out of debt and then i was like mow what? now i have nothing to live for any more. so i just put myself back into debt again. feels booed to have goals, you know. like if you pay your debt off, that's great. but if you don't, and then die like that's pretty great too. (laughter) that's the plan i'm on right now. it's great, you just buy whatever you want d
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just die. make sure you die though, that's the most part of this plan. thank you. (laughter) (applause). >> stephen: you can see her here in new york. sarah tollemache, everybody. we'll be right back.
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>> stephen: that's it for the late show, everybody, tune in tomorrow when my guests will be richard gere, maria bamford and musical guest perfume genius. stick around for james card inwith jennifer lopez, terry crews an justin theroux. good night. captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where you come from it's gonna be all right ♪ it's the late, late show

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