tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS July 10, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
based on a contact from the miss universe pageant. >> why is a contact from miss universe setting up campaign meetings? did trump think there was a swimsuit edition to the campaigns? >> the deaf of collusion -- at the conversation is real, the collusion is not. >> but the conversation was about collusion. oh! oh, wait, i'm sorry. i understand. you're lying! okay. i'm going to wrap this up because talking to you is like staring into the mouth of madness. final question, kellyanne conway, how do you think our viewers will sum up our interview tonight? >> no information meaningful and helpful was gained from this. >> i can't argue with that. >> announcer: it's is "late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, stephen welcomes woody harrelson, cobie
musical guest emmylou harris, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: thanks! hey! what's going on? that's cool for summer. that's cool for summer. ( audience chanting stephen ) ( piano riff ) >> stephen: thanks, everybody! welcome to "the late show." i'm your shows stephen colbert. i've got to say, it is fantastic! good to go away, good to have a break but it'sgr
i did not watch a lot of news over the fourth of july week because i like to celebrate my love for this country by not watching what's happening to it. ( laughter ) so i sobered up this morning and everybody's still talking about russia. but here's the thing -- there's no evidence of collusion or even the desire to collude with the russians by anyone in the trump campaign... is something that was true 48 hours ago. because, now, yeah. ( cheers and applause ) we learned yesterday that last june 9, donald trump, jr. met with a russian lawyer after being promised damaging information on hillary clinton. wow. ( audience reacts ) yeah ( audience reacts ) yeah. you t
my mouth. ( laughter ) you could knock me over with whatever you use to knock over someone who isn't the least bit surprised. the meeting took place at trump tower and included jared kushner, and then-trump campaign manager paul manafort. and proves that at least some in the campaign were willing to accept russian help. so it's not a smoking gun, but it is a gun meeting with a russian bullet about their mutual desire to smoke. pretty damning, but don, jr. has a good explanation. "it was a short introductory meeting. i asked jared and paul to stop by. we primarily discussed a program about the adoption of russian children." yes, i think they were talking about the adoption of little timmy kislyak. ( laughter ) adorable. >> jon:
>> stephen: adorable. won't someone reach out? someone reach out. ( applause ) ( piano riff ) so, much ado about nothing... other than the fact that five white house advisers confirmed that don junior only took the meeting because the lawyer promised to provide damaging information on hillary clinton. ( audience reacts ) ooh, ah -- so like all the most innocent people, don, jr. offered a second explanation. "i was asked to have a meeting by an acquaintance i knew from the 2013 miss universe pageant with an individual who i was told might have information helpful to the campaign. i was not told her name prior to the meeting. i asked jared and paul to attend but told them nothing of the substance." ( laughter ) okay, let's break this down. we're supposed to believe that, during the height of the campaign, on the advice of a guy he met at the miss universe pageant, don, jr. said, "hey jared, paul, i know you guys are
busy, but i need you to come to a meeting." "with who?" "i don't know." ( laughter ) "about what?" "i'm not telling you." ( laughter ) "okay, we're in." ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheering ) ( piano riff ) that's his story. happens all the time. happens all the time. now, don, jr. claims he didn't know her name. turns out, she's a kremlin-connected lawyer named natalia veselnitskaya. ( laughter ) although she also answers to her bond-girl name, "corruption galore." ( laughter ) ( bond music ) that sound cue was not indicated in the script here. genell
that's going to come. ( laughter ) now, remember, don, jr. was there to receive damaging information about hillary clinton, but he was disappointed by natalia veselnitskaya, saying her statements were vague, ambiguous and made no sense. so, obviously, she was hired as a trump speechwriter. ( cheers and applause ) instead, natalia veselnitskaya changed the subject to russian adoption, and don, jr. says, "it became clear to me that this was the true agenda all along and that the claims of potentially helpful information were a pretext for the meeting." so the excuse is i tried to collude, but i didn't get anything.
( applause ) it's like saying, "yes your honor, i broke into the house, but there was nothing worth stealing. so if you think about it, they were robbing me." ( laughter ) ( applause ) and don, jr. is careful to point out that, "my father knew nothing of the meeting or these events." so we're supposed to believe that donald trump had no idea what was happening at the highest levels of his own campaign? yeah, checks out. and the "acquaintance" from miss universe who set up this meeting between don, jr. and the russian attorney is a guy named rob goldstone, a music publicist who, on the day after trump's election, posted a picture of himself on instagram wearing a russia t-shirt. ( laughter ) that's understandable. he's just wearing the championship merchandise.
sent to small villages in third-world countries. ( laughter ) and here's the thing -- you can't talk about the facts of this story without sounding like a crazy person. because goldstone, who set up this meeting, did it at the request of a russian pop star he manages named emin agaralov, who is the son of aras agaralov, billionaire russian oligarch, friend of putin, and sponsor of trump's 2013 miss universe pageant. trump even appeared in one of emin agaralov's videos -- >> emin, let's get with it. you're always late. you're just another pretty face. i'm really tired of you. you're fired. ♪ ♪ note i ♪ ♪ in another night we would be together ♪ ♪ this would last forever ( cheers and applause ) i got swept up. i did not know the fall of
western democracy had such a phat beat. ( laughter ) speaking of which, president trump spent much of last week in germany for the g20 summit. it's a big deal, and world leaders work on their g20 agendas for months. but the day before the conference, the president was reportedly "remarkably unprepared" and had "no set agenda and was just going to talk about whatever is on his mind at the moment." in fact, the white house was so unprepared, they waited too long to book accommodations, leaving him with no hotel room for the g20. oh, mr. hotel-man without a hotel! how ironic! ( laughter ) ( applause ) just go to airbnb! almost like mr. billionaire repeatedly declaring bankruptcy. the city of hamburg stepped up and graciously let trump stay in its senate gueho
unlike trump, germany is sympathetic to foreigners without a place to stay. ( audience reacts ) >> jon: whoa! ( piano riff ) >> stephen: huge german fans. ( applause ) but that's the last bit of friendship the president was shown because he's pissed off so many of our allies that, well, here he is at the summit. ( laughter ) okay. "it's okay. it's okay. i like being alone. unless someone would like my tater tots, in which i will trade them for human contact." ( laughter ) trump tried to make a few connections, but he just alienated himself further when, on his official instagram, he mistook the prime minister of singapore for the president of indonesia. okay, sounds bad, but i would cut the guy some
his previous international experience was with the miss universe pageant, and i'm sure he'd be able to identify all the world leaders if they'd just wear their damn sashes. ( applause ) >> stephen: nice. logical. it is logical. >> keep it on. >> stephen: logical. of course, the most anticipated moment was president trump's face-to-face meeting with vladimir putin. i think it was trump's six-month performance review. ( laughter ) they hit it off. evidently they got along like a house afire because it was supposed to be a half-hour meeting and turned into two hours and 15 minutes. it's like a date you expect to be awkward, then discover you have so much in common. "wait, you wanted me to be president, too? that's incredible! >> jon:wo w -- ( laughter ) >> stephen: and immediately after the meeting, trump addressed the kremlin's shadow on his presidency. tr
putin twice about russian meddling in our election. he vehemently denied it. i've already given my opinion....." those five dots by the way, each represent one of the opinions he's given. ( laughter ) could have been the russians, no way of knowing. could have been a fat guy on a bed in new jersey. could have been the chinese or somebody else. there was no hacking. and...obama blew it. ( laughter ) and you know putin didn't meddle, because trump said he asked him "twice." ( laughter ) "hey, did you by any chance hack our election?" "nyet." "okay, moving on-- did you hack our election?!" ( laughter ) then trump came up with the best idea ever. "putin and i discussed forming an impenetrable cyber security unit so that eio
and many other negative things, will be guarded....and safe." ( laughter ) yes. yes. just get putin involved. it's like "silence of the lambs," only we're skipping hannibal lecter and going straight to buffalo bill! "okay bill, toss me that lotion so i can put it on my body. let's go get the bad guys!" ( laughter ) and the negative feedback on his cyber plan clearly got to trump, because, later that same day, he tweeted, "the fact that president putin and i discussed a cyber security unit doesn't mean i think it can happen. it can't." what?! you're the one who brought it up!! ( laughter ) why talk about things you know can't happen?! "i know i said it would be romantic if i proposed to you here in aruba. doesn't mean i was gonna do it. it can't happen. ( laughter ) why are you crying?" we've got a great sh f
jon, i am super excited. do you know why? >> jon: i know we got some shows coming up. >> stephen: next week, it is russia week. >> jon: oh, my. ( laughter ) >> stephen: on this show, it's going to be a huge event. it'll be like shark week, if sharks had secretly hacked the our presidential election. which i believe russia is training them to do right now. >> jon: oh, my goodness! stay out of the water, stay out of the water! >> stephen: i talked to people on the streets over there, oligarchs over there, cyber security experts over there. the exclusive, can i reveal this? we went to the presidential suite of the ritz carlton, the pp room. >> jon: mmmmm! >> stephen: no one had gone, so let's just go. we took one
things they use on tv -- gotta tell you, somebody was murder in there. i hope it was murder because it was a mess under the black light. ( laughter ) but everybody knows this room is bugged. that's a known thing. everybody's, like, he's in that room, we mow the room is bugged. the crazy thing about that room is, when you're sitting on the bed and looking out the window, what do you see, floor to ceiling, wall-to-wall window is the kremlin. they don't need to put the camera in the room. putin could get out the binoculars and look at you. all next week, five nights, all russia, all join us. it will be so exciting, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) can you translate that? >> next week. next week. next week. >> stephen: as i was saying over there, before, president trump was at the g20 laee
try to mend bridges with other countries by giving a speech everyone could agree with. like "hey, shouldn't this fidget spinner thing be over by now?" but he didn't do that, even though there was an issue that could unite the world-- stopping north korea's nuclear program. but he didn't mention it at all -- which is crazy because, just a few days earlier, after a series of failed attempts, north korea successfully tested a missile that could drop a nuclear weapon on alaska. i can't believe they could hit alaska! i thought it was safe in that box on the map! ( laughter ) but the people of alaska don't scare easy. facing eminent death, the mayor of anchorage said, "i'm worried about moose, not missiles." they are similar problems though -- they both explode when you hit them with your car. ( laughter ) when asked if he was worried about being nuked by north korea, another alaskan said, "i'm more worried about whether i'm going to fall off my paddle
lake this summer." so, nice try, kim jong-un, but alaskans aren't scared of you. they've dealt with much tougher disasters, like the 1964 anchorage earthquake or the three years that sarah palin was governor. ( cheers and applause ) we'll be right back with woody harrelson. stick around, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) i have spent years taking over-the-counter products for my belly pain and constipation. i've had it up to here! it's been month after month of fiber. weeks taking probiotics! ys da and nights of laxatives, only to have my symptoms return. (vo) if you've had enough, tell your doctor what you've tried and how long you've been at it. linzess works differently from laxatives. linzess treats adults with ibs with constipation or chronic constipation. it can help relieve your belly pain, and lets you have more frequent and complete bowel movements that are easier to pass. do not give linzess to children less than six, and it should not be given to children six to less than 18.
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he now stars in "war for the planet of the apes." >> my god -- look at your eyes. how did you know i was here? >> i was told -- you were coming -- that more soldiers from the north would be joining you here. >> joining me? to finish us off -- for good. who told you that? okay. let's go. >> stephen: please welcome, woody harrelson! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
>> stephen: how are ya? oh, pretty good, dude. pretty good. you know, i tell ya, i've gotten into a good groove where i don't get nervous on these things, but now i'm a little nervous. i don't know why. >> stephen: why? we've had a good time before. last time i saw you on a show, at least, i shaved your head while we sang the national anthem together. >> that's true. >> stephen: it takes about the same amount of time to sing the national anthem as to shave your head. >> maybe a little less time, the way things go. yeah, yeah. >> stephen: i see you joined a baseball team this year? >> no, i did this movie
it's based on an incident that happened in my life that i wanted to forget but then i thought could be funny. >> stephen: what did you want to forget about being off in london? >> well, it was a bad night for me and the wifey-pooh and i got arrested and went to jail. it was a lot. wasn't great. >> stephen: it was a good comedy. >> owen wilson is in it. >> stephen: does owen play you? >> no, i play me. >> stephen: i can have this? yeah. >> stephen: let's see whose head is larger. yep, it is mine. that's as close as i can get to put this on my head. gee, mom, new york! thank you very much! >> you're welcome. >> stephen: thank you very much. leave that right there. that's very nice right there. well, listen, i've got a quick question for you. i want to feet to the planet of the apes in a minute becausates great movie, i enjoyed the first two immensely and
the third one. but you're also in the new hans solo stand alone "star wars" coming up. we've seen you and chewy and hahn. your character's name is beckett. you're not going anywhere tell you tell me something about the movie. >> right, i'm a criminal. >> stephen: you're a criminal. yeah. >> stephen: good. a fellow criminal along with han. i'll take that. there is a picture on instagram, caption #a mothy coast, but right there on your shirt it says "solo" like crew shirt. >> yeah. >> stephen: is that the name of the movie? >> right now, that's the temporary name of the movie. >> stephen: solo. that's an exclusive, right? no one knows that? we're revealing that right now. ( cheers and applause ) there you go.
thank you for being cooperative. unless we cover that, no monkey talk. ( laughter ) i have a favor so ask. you're a well-known vegan. >> okay. >> stephen: i became a wiig ant 9:00 a.m. this morning. >> you did? >> stephen: yeah, i lost a bet with a friend of mine. the bet siff to be a vegan 17 days. >> really? >> stephen: yeah. ( audience reacts ) the growns out there. we have a rib fest in the audience tonight. how am i going to survive as a vegan? >> first, think about it, the strongest animal pound for pound in nature is the april, right? >> stephen:. >> stephen: the whale. pound for pound, i'm just talking about in terms of their size and how strong they are is an april. they are vegetarian. horses, they eat grass. i mean -- >> stephen: i'd like to see a horse fight an
that would be fun. >> yeah, that would be cool. but i'm just saying, you know, not that you don't need protein, but you don't hear people dying of lack of protein, people are getting too much protein. >> stephen: okay, all right. o fruits, vegetables, you know, you're going to live large in the next 17 days. >> stephen: pop tarts. that kind of thing? >> pop tarts? >> stephen: i don't think there is any meat in a pop tart. can i have a pop tart? ( laughter ) if there is meat in a pop tart, tell me now. >> there's going to be dairy in a pop tart. >> stephen: there can be no dairy? >> well, you're going vegan, man. >> stephen: i guess so. pop tart, your go-to food, huh? ( laughter ) >> stephen: speaking of pop tarts, you don't smoke weed
>> i don't smoke any less. ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) no, i did. i quit smoking. >> stephen: so you moved on to -- >> i quit this morning. i'll pick it up after this, but, no, i actually did quit. yeah. >> stephen: i understand, speaking of weed, that you moved to maui on the recommendation of willie nelson. >> yeah. >> stephen: how did that come about? >> what made you think weed and willie? i don't get it. ( laughter ) actually, i ran into him in l.a. my friend jim called me up and said, do you want to go see willie? went and saw him, he was great. afterward, his wife came up, said willie wants to meet you. i go to the bus, open the door, smoke is billowing out. >> stephen: you've got to get off that bus fast. >> unless you like where you're
whether you can walk or talk normally. ( laughter ) >> stephen: yeah. i had a great talk with him afterward and he said, if you ever want, come stay with me in hawaii. i'm, like, yeah, i think i'd go for that. >> stephen: let's talk about the monkey movie. >> the monkey movie. ( laughter ) >> stephen: the war for the planet of the apes. >> they're thinking of changing it to the monkey movie. ( laughter ) >> stephen: there is monkeys in it. >> yeah, man. it's incredible. the evolution of apes now that they can act is great. >> stephen: incredible. yeah. >> stephen: and the circus trains them! ( piano riff ) ( applause ) you seem awfully angry in this movie. who is your character? who is this guy? >> no, i thought i seemed
relatively sweet-natured in that clip. >> stephen: okay. your character doesn't like the intelligent apes, i understand? >> yeah, well, my character believes there is no room for humans and apes, so we've got to eliminate the apes in order to save the humeups. it's an understandable thing. >> stephen: it's not an unreasonable position to have, really, speaking as a human. >> yeah. >> stephen: because let's remember all the humans have been wiped out by a disease that then makes the april smart. >> right. >> stephen: self-preservation. elf-preservation, that's where he's at. >> stephen: what's your character's name? >> the colonel. >> stephen: i may be pro colonel in this movie. >> whoever watches it, they're not going to be in my corner on this. >> stephen: you sure? no. i think he's a sweet guy, but -- >> stephen: you kind of have to think he's a sweet guy when
you're performing him, right? >> when you're playing him. >> stephen: you can't not like your character, right? >> i loved the guy for a while, and now you watch the movie, he's not at loveable as -- ( laughter ) -- at the time a year ago. he was full loveable. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. ( laughter ) everything okay? >> that thing keeps moving! >> stephen: so you don't smoke weed anymore -- ( piano riff ) ( applause ) >> yeah, well, you know, you don't have to smoke a brownie, dude, you know what i'm saying? ( laughter ) >> stephen: i have no idea. i have no idea. lovely to see you again. >> pleasure. >> stephen: hope to see you often. >> can i keep this? >> stephen: what? can i keep it? >> stephen: yeah, sure. why not. "war for the planet of the apes" is in theaters friday. woody harrelson, everybody! we'll be right back with
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! ladies and gentlemen, you know my next guest from "how i met your mother" and "the avengers." she now stars in the netflix series "friends from college." please welcome cobie smulders. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: nice. beautiful! >> stephen: we've redecorated. it's quite glorious. >> stephen: thank you very much. >> how are
how are you doing? is. >> very well, thank you. >> stephen: you were just on broadway with kevin kline. what were you doing? >> i was doing a play called "present laughter" ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: had you done a lot of broadway before that. >> that was my debut. >> stephen: congratulations. ( applause ) was that freeing or paralyzing? >> a bit of both. it's always been my dream to do broadway, to do theater, and it was incredible. and it was with kevin kline and it's such an amazing cast doing a no-power play, it's kind of real. >> stephen: i have to ask you about your name. you have one to have the greatest names, cobie smulders. >> yes. >> stephen: it not made up. it's not. >> stephen: it sounds make up, like naming myself jacob sizzle. >> it's not too late. >> stephen: it's too late, unfortunately. ( laughter ) i found out smulders is not the made-up part. >> no, cobie is
and it's jacoba maria frances smulders. it's really intense. my drivers license has a flap that folds out. it's very intense. >> stephen: how did you get such a fancy name? >> from my fancy folk. my father is dutch, my mother european. we all have all these names. >> stephen: they just keep shoveling the names in there? >> francesca maria, very catholic. it came from different members of the family, so yes. >> stephen: you're canadian. ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you very much. 150 years. >> stephen: it's their fourth of july for canada. ( applause ) ( piano riff ) were you able to get back up there for the 150th? >> no, i was in the country. on canada day, i don't remember a parade or many fireworks, but we wou
cabin, not when i was younger, but we one drinking. >> stephen: anything else incredibly stereo typical? >> no, that's it. >> stephen: the new series is friends from college on netflix. >> yes. >> stephen: you did nine years on cbs with "how i met your mother." >> yes ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: what is it like working for netflix after working at one of the broadcast networks? >> well, they're both great. >> stephen: of course, they are. >> let's open with that. they're equally great employers. "how i met your mother" was an 8:00 p.m. show. it's netflix and you can swear and there is nudity. >> stephen: really? there is. >> stephen: what kind of nudity? >> like side bums. >> stephen: bums? you are canadian. >> bottoms. >> stephen: bottoms,
are there a michael keegan butts in there. >> it's kind of cheeky. >> stephen: nice. nice. nice. hey. >> but mostly it's about the swearing because i mean that's a funny thing about when you're shooting a show and you have free reign to say the f word whenever you want, you start saying it a lot. >> stephen: yeah. you feel free to say it and you have to say it too much and they say, no, you can't say the f word three times in a sentence, nobody talks that way. so i had to be reined back in for sure. but they're in there. >> stephen: we have a clip. can you explain? >> this is a ladies night out, and we decide, we go to bellleman's -- bemmleman's bar on the upper east side and we
pretend to be not ourselves, different people. >> stephen: jim? o, are you ladies guests of the hotel? >> we're here on business. oh, what kind of the business? >> i am model. s that right? tell us a little bit about that. >> tell us everything about your life in your country. >> yes, i will do. i, um -- i am model and i am also singer. >> we're singer/model also. ll, if your voices are as beautiful as your figures, then we're in a lot of trouble! ( laughter ) >> these are wonderful men. americans, america! ( cheers and applause ) >> you know, it's fun to pretend to be somebody else. >> stephen: it is fun to pretend to be somebody else. thank you so much for being here. it's lovely to meet you. >> so lovely to be here. >> stephen: "friends from college" appears on netflix
friday. cobie smulders, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) back with a performance by emmylou harris. you never know what'll inspire you. but i take it all with me, and give it all back. experience more as a member. the marriott portfolo has 30 brands in over 110 countries so no matter where you go, you are here. nosy neighbor with a glad bag, full of trash. what happens next? nothing. only glad has febreze to neutralize odors for 5 days. guaranteed. even the most perceptive noses won't notice the trash. be happy. it's glad. no, please, please, oh! ♪ (shrieks in terror) (heavy breathing and snorting) no, no. the running of the bulldogs?
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>> stephen: to celebrate the 25th anniversary of her newly reissued album, "emmylou harris and the nash ramblers at the ryman," here performing "pilgrim," ladies and gentlemen emmylou harris and her red dirt boys! ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you, stephen. is song is for the over 65 million displaced persons around the world. ( applause ) ♪ i am just a pilgrim on this road, boys ♪ i am just a pilgrim on this road, boys ♪ i am just a pilgrim on this road, boys ♪ this ain't never been my home
sometimes the road was rocky ♪ long the way, boys sometimes the road was rocky ♪ long the way, boys sometimes the road was rocky ♪ long the way, boys but i was never travelin' alone ♪ we'll meet again on some bright highway ♪ songs to sing and tales to tell ♪ but i am just a pilgrim on this road, boys ♪ until i see you fare thee well
♪ i expect to touch his hand, boys ♪ put a word in for you if i can ♪ we'll meet again on some bright highway ♪ songs to sing and tales to tell ♪ but i am just a pilgrim on this road, boys ♪ i am just a pilgrim on this road, boys ♪ i am just a pilgrim on this road, boys ♪ until i see you fare thee well
"late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be joe scarborough and mika brzezinski, andy serkis, plus a musical performance from "scarborough!" now stick around for james corden. goodnight! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight everything you got inside ♪ going good just head for the light ♪ it's the late, late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from ungula, liberia, give it up for your host, the one, the only james