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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  August 30, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

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>> at one point the president asked me which one was the salad fork but i couldn't tell because they all looked so huge next to his hands. >> announcer: it's the "late show" with-- ( russian announcer cuts in ) stephen colbert! russia week! tonight stephen welcomes james mcavoy, and comedian matteo lane, featuring jon batiste and stay human. and stephen's meeting with real life oligarch mikhail prokhorov. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert. >> stephen: wooo! ( cheers and applause ) thank you. thank you very much, thank you, comrades! wow.
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somebody sounds like somebody-- that, this crowd sounds like they have been hitting the pickles and vodka out there. welcome to the "late show," everybody, i'm your host stephen colbert. now if you watch the show-- if you watched the show last night i'm going to say all of you did. you remember you remember last night we were talking about how after seven years of promising over and over again to repeal and replace obamacare the bill died of terminal "they lied to everyone who voted for them." not-- ( cheers and applause ) they did. they lied. now not that big of a surprise that it didn't pass. the bill is less popular than the cereal parts of lucky charms. or as i call them,
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disappointment between marshmallows. >> jon: cardboard! >> stephen: but trump won't take please, don't do this, it will cost us the mid terms for an answer. this morning trump tweeted, "i will be having lunch at the white house today with republican senators concerning health care. they must keep their promise to america." well, obviously at lunch-- ( applause ) you can do this-- lunch is where the deal is made. that's the art of the deal. okay, senator collins, i will trade you your health care vote for my juice box and a pudding pack." okay, all right. now the president kicked off the event with some light-hearted bullying of one of the senators opposed to the bill, nevada dean heller. >> the other night i was very surprised when i heard a couple of my friends, my friends, they really were, and are, they might not be very much longer.
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but i think have i to get them back. that's right-- well, no, you didn't go out there. this was the one we were worried about. but you're going to be, you're going to be. look, he wants to remain a senator, doesn't he? >> stephen: ha ha, ho-ho, oh, not sure if he does any more. 'cause if you are trying to remain a senator, your first choice really shouldn't be "photographed having dinner with donald trump." and trump made it clear that it is not his fault. it is not his fault! that this bill did not pass. >> i've been here just six months. i'm ready to act. i have pen in hand, believe me. i'm sitting in that office. i have pen in hand. >> stephen: sir, i have no problem believing you're just sitting in the oval office with let's say... "pen in hand." and-- ( cheers and applause ) pe h
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and i got to say. if you can't even get this done, pretty soon your pen will be swinging in the wind. and trump went after the senate minority leader chuck schumer for obstructing the bill. >> you know, you listen to schumer and before he even knew what the plan said, he was saying death, everyone's going to die, death, death, death. >> stephen: now, to be fair, he was actually quoting chuck schumer's hardcore metal band, malignant schumer. ( applause ) so nobody knows if this lean on them at lunchtime is going to work. but the president is hoping it lives upit to rls eaier tweet, "the republicans never discuss how good their health-care bill is. and it will get even better at lunchtime. the dems scream 'death' as o-
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care dies." oh my god, that last part is almost poetic. "the dems scream 'death' as o- care dies." it's actually iambic. you know, its true what they say, if you leave a man way brain of a hundred monkeys in front of a keyboard long enough, eventually he will write shakespeare. ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) "the dems scream 'death' as o- care dies. alas, poor yorick, he was covered by trumpcare." ( applause )
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stop it! got thorns on them. oh, and there's yet another trump-russia scandal out there. after their public meeting at the g-20, we just found out that trump had an undisclosed second meeting with vladimir putin. really? how stupid can you be? you are in the middle of what could be the worst scandal in u.s. history. people think you colluded with the president of a hostile foreign power. then you go out of your way to meet with him again and you don't tell anybody? that's like if o.j. does get out on parole and immediately goes glove shopping. ( laughter ) hey, they all fit. look how well they fit. >> jon: he can't acquit, he can't acquit. >> stephen: now this meeting took place during a dinner at the g-20 that was couples only.
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not to be confused with g-20 ladies night when "merkels drink free." now so far the white house of course has downplayed this meeting calling it a brief conversation at the end of dinner. brief. because after all, how long does it take to give someone your room key. "room 1101, bring a tarp. but-- allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. more on that tomorrow. but the meeting actually lasted as long as an hour. gentlemen, if your collusion lasts longer than an hour, please consult the f.b.i. ( applause ) the white house statement goes on to say that "the insinuation that the white house has tried to hide a second meeting is
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false, malicious and absurd." strong words. and i think we've also found trump's re-election slogan. trump 2020, false, malicious and absurd. ( applause ) but-- but trump insists he didn't do anythirong werng he tweeting "fake news story of secret dinner with putin is 'sick'" and "even a dinner arranged for top 20 leaders in germany is made to look sinister." mr. president, we are talking about a private dinner in germany for the people who control the world. it already looks sinister. fake news is making my fortress on skull island look evil, sad. you know what, here's the thing, here's the thing. i want to believe trump here.
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i really want to believe that the president of the united states is just shooting the breeze with a guy he is accused of colluding with for the second time that day for an hour. "vlad, what is your favorite animal to ride shirtless. you have one hour to answer." ( laughter ) but here's why it is hard. here's why it is hard to believe him. he lies about everything. he lies about crowd size, voter fraud, till death do us part. he is the boy who cried wolf blitzer is fake news. this might actually be a nothing burger but every time they tell us it is a nothing burger it turns out to be a juicy quarter pounder with sleaze. ( applause ) >> jon: oh, oh, oh! >> stephen: but i am choosing to believe that nothing happened this time. have i to just to sleep at night.
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because between health care, and the president playing footsie with the russians, every time trump speaks this is all i hear. >> death, everyone's going to die, death, death, death. >> stephen: we have a great show for you tonight. james mcavoy is here. but when we return, i sit down with an actual russian oligarch mikhail prokhorov. stick around. starting thursday at kohl's labor day weekend sale... boy's active tees are only $8 take 20 to 40% off sneakers for the family and kitchen electrics are just $19.99! plus take an extra $10 off when you spend $25 or more! and everyone gets kohl's cash too! kohl's. we, the people, are tired of being surprised with extra monthly fees. we want hd. and every box and dvr. all included. because we don't like surprises.
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>> stephen: jon batiste and stay human. ( cheers and applause ) welcome back, everybody. folks, it is day three of russia ek
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( cheers and applause ) one of the reasons i went to russia is because they have a strong man as a leader and we have a man who would like to seem strong. and if he succeeds, if we're living under a strong man, russia has proven that the best thing to be is an oligarch, which is russian for rich guy, don't ask where his money came from. see, this is how things work over in russia. over there the political system is controlled by wealthy elites who buy influence and pull strings of the government. whereas in america, we speak english. the oligarchs, the oligarchs are business friends of vladimir putin who were given sweetheart deals to buy state-owned resources after the collapse of the soviet union. i was hoping to meet one and also to not die. and we found the perfect guy. mikhail prokhorov.
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jim? in 1995, mikhail prokhorov, a friend of vladimir putin, struck gold-- in this case nickel-- because he was allowed to buy a state owned nickel mining conglomerate for just pennies on the nickel. 12 years later, the high flying bachelor high flew in his private jet to a french ski resort to party with 20 russian models who the french police claimed were prostitutes, so they arrested him for "le human trafficking." he was never charged, but it was so scandalous that reportedly putin forced him to sell his share of the nickel mine riiiiight before the world economy drove off a cliff. so lucky mickey here ends up with more than $9 billion. he has a jet, and a yacht so big it has its own yacht. he enjoys partying in ibiza, heli-skiing and making rock videos of himself doing jet ski tricks. he ran for president in 2012, but he lost to putin.
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whole time. that's doing a bro a solid. he's pals with jay-z because he owns the brooklyn nets, the worst basketball team in the world. prokhorov stands 6'8", and did i mention friends with putin? for some reason he invited me to his house outside moscow. and for some reason i went. mikhail, thank you so much for talking to me today. >> my pleasure. can i call you steve? >> stephen: yes. >> if you said no, you will never leave the country. >> stephen: that's hilarious. okay. tell me how to oligarch? okay, great. again funny joke, is it a joke? >> nobody knows, in russia.
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>> stephen: that's the funny part. what's your weird quirk? what's your eccentric thing where people go that's cool he is a billionaire. do you, like, grow out your nails really long? no? that's-- >> no. >> stephen: that seems fine. do you, like, save your bodily fluids in jars? >> no. >> stephen: do you have exotic pets? like a pet rhino? >> i watch reruns of "the good wife," that's about all. >> stephen: what's the best thing to own if you're super rich? do you have a yacht? >> just a piece of advice for you, steve. don't be attached to things. be free. >> stephen: okay. but you do have a yacht, right? >> yes, i have. >> stephen: okay. do you have a jet? >> but i don't know where the heck it is. >> stephen: you don't know where your yacht is? >> no. >> stephen: this is why we can't have nice things. do you have a sports team?
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>> only brooklyn nets. >> stephen: more like the brooklyn nyets! right? >> no. >> stephen: up top! don't leave me hangin'! come on! thanks. now you're single. what's a nice, successful, handsome guy like you doing single? there's got to be a lot of people out there who'd like to marry an oligarch. >> that's true. >> stephen: okay. have you just not found the right girl and 19 of her friends? >> i think it's not easy. >> stephen: are there ladygarchs? >> i've never met one. >> stephen: you've never met one? >> never in my life. >> stephen: have you tried tinder? >> not yet. >> stephen: let me set up your tinder profile. you're gonna love this, okay. what are you looking for in a wife? what's important to you? >> love. >> stephen: love. >> all you need is love, stephen. >> stephen: and $9 billion. alright, we need to put a line to describe yourself
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i'm gonna put down, "i made my fortune mining, but i haven't found my gem." they're gonna melt. hobbies? let's see, hobbies. i'll put down watching horrible, horrible basketball, oligarching. you're gonna be beating them off with a stick. we're gonna find you the right girl. >> okay. >> stephen: mikhail, if it's possible i would love to get a tour of your house. >> my pleasure. >> stephen: shall we? >> sure we have no secret rooms here. >> stephen: i didn't ask that, which is odd. is this where the magic happens? is this where the magic happens? oh, this is where the magic happens. okay, what is this? you said there were no secret rooms. >> it's not secret. >> stephen: it's not a secret? >> it's just another door.
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>> stephen: what is this? >> it's kalashnikov. >> stephen: ak-47 can i just stand-- just me-- a picture of me and an oligarch holding an ak-47? eventually when i'm brought up before the hague i want to look nice. oh, japanese throwing stars. >> no, it's oligarch throwing stars. >> stephen: oh, it's oligarch throwing stars. every eighth grade boy is like, "when i grow up, i'm gonna have a secret room behind a wall and i'm gonna have japanese throwing stars and a ak-47 and big pictures of naked ladies. i'm gonna have a jet and a boat i don't even use." that's like-- that's like-- that's-- this is your life. you're living the perfect life of an eighth grade boy. okay, mikhail do you know where you put the other one? oh, this is a nice kitchen, lovely. >> yeah, and i want you-- to show and to taste oligarch snack. >> stephen: oligarch snack? >> stephen: so your snack is bologna? are you sure you are not an 8- year-old boy? >> i'm sure. >> stephen: these are extraordinary. >> it's foun
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yarmulke i have ever seen. it's the coolest hat there is, because we're oligarchs. it's not a dumb hat at all. can we touch, can we touch the tips? not a lot of men are comfortable doing that. oh, this is nice, you have photographs of some of your favorite boating accidents, that's good. just to remind yourself-- "be careful." okay, let's throw some pies on and do this. >> no, no, its very traditional, this is not for you, it's for >> stephen: are you afraid i will out-bench you? >> no, no, for you i have special equipment not here, another place. >> stephen: i agreed to go see this "special equipment," but first i ditched my suit for a new relaxed oligarch look. we headed off to a private school mikhail built so he could practice an ancient, obscure but deadly, tibetan martial art called "tescao."
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so i'm not going to have to kill anybody? >> no. >> stephen: good. and you would tell me if i did right because we're friends? >> sure. >> stephen: okay. because i'm not saying that i wouldn't i just don't know how to. i'm new to this. turns out this "tescao" place is the world's most expensive tree fort. designed to the highest tescao specifications. filled with things like this, that do something-- one assumes. this is the coolest gymboree i've ever been to, what time is your mom picking you up? >> to be an oligarch you need to have balance and to for the balance, i mean oligarch balance you need balls. >> stephen: those i have, my friend.
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you are just making this up right? this is cool, it looks like dr. seuss' sex dungeon. you'll get it. i noticed the floor in this tescao training room is not even, why is that? >> you are oligarch now you are comfortable in any situation. >> stephen: oh, i see. i got to relax and just say this is how it is, and it doesn't bother me that it looks like the architect was smoking weed. come on you have to give me something. >> great. >> stephen: tescao! ( cheers and applause ) have you ever trained in the full colbert? what you do is you on your back and relax your arms and legs and see how long you can hold it. but you have to breathe, though. you have get breathing i could i thought i'd seen everything. but then the giant russian oligarch ordered me underground.
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before i go down there? >> you are oligarch you are not afraid of anything. >> stephen: okay, whatever i am going down. this is where the chuck e. cheese turned into the danger zone. welcome to the red room of pain. >> steve, this is lethal star. you can hit this in someone and try and hit them in the neck. keep it. i show you. >> stephen: that's exactly what i was going for. >> stephen: all right here is the scenario, somebody is coming up behind me and trying to take my oligarchy away, but they don't know that i am trained in tescao. okay, i am their worst nightmare right now because i have my stars, watch out. >> excellent.
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i want something bigger and sharper. oh, yeah. >> what's that? >> stephen: what's the advice? >> just throw. >> stephen: just throw it, okay. left foot forward, right foot forward. >> any place. >> stephen: any place. all right there is no training at all? >> be natural. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: how many people do tescao in the entire world? >> maximum maybe 25. >> stephen: 25. so i am in the top 25 practitioners of tescao in the world? >> you are in the top three for sure. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: tescao! how often do you do this? >> everyday. >> stephen: this is your billionaire thing! remember said is there one crazy that you do that no body else does, that seems normal because you are a billionaire. this is it!
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you have a club house painted in dr. seuss colors it has a dungeon in it where you throw axes at the wall. you are an honest to god oligarch! >> are you sure? >> stephen: i am positive. i want in. >> now you are on board. >> stephen: totally on board. >> totally on board. >> stephen: thank you. i need some bologna. thank you, mikhail, thank you so much for showing me how to be an oligarch and for the cool hat. ( applause ) tomorrow our russia week continues. join me tomorrow for my exclusive visit to moscow's alleged presidential pee pee suite, did two prostitutes pee on that bed, did one television host. join us tomorrow to find out. we'll be right back with the star of atomic blonde, james mcavoy.
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y2fwby y16fy ♪ >> stephen: welcome back to the show. ( applause ) oh, folks you're in for a treat, my first guest is an actor best known for "the last king of scotland," "atonement" and of course as the professor x who isn't patrick stewart. please welcome james mcavoy. ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) how are you doing? good to see you again. >> thank you for having me on again. >> stephen: how have you been? >> been good, busy, busy, busy. >> stephen: yeah. you don't have anyr.
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>> i know. i know. >> stephen: have you been shooting x. >> i've been shooting x and i'm getting ready to shoot "split" which isn't "split," it is something else. >> stephen: a sequel to split. >> a sequel to split, oh, thank you. ( applause ) >> stephen: when you, when you get a haircut, do people hang out outside the barber to see how short it is going to be, to see if there is another x-men movie down the line. because it gives it away unless you are playing the dalai lama. >> the thing is, when i first got my hair shaved nobody recognized me, nobody knew who i was, that was great. i was walking around montreal where we film x-men and it was like having fake glasses and mustache and nose on and all that stuff. now when in "split" you take your hat off and everybody is like hey, it's that bald guy, that was in that-- you know, he's the guy with the thing and the guy with-- and he's like-- yes, yes, can we get a picture. and i'm literally, have i been in the middle of a tearful
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facetime conversation with like a family member or something like that and people are like, a picture? and you're like, dude, you can see i got tears i'm crying, i ain't acting. >> stephen: that looks great on the instagram, keep the tears. you say you shoot in montreal. >> yeah. >> stephen: we all know this because this photo got out. this is you and the cast of-- of "x-men dark phoenix," the next one. and there you are. and the man right behind you is this dude right there, is justin trudeau. >> yeah, yeah. he was really cool. and i looked at this picture the other day, right, and what i notice is that myself and my girlfriend lisa, we're trying to do it. but nobody else is actually managing it. the only two french canadians in the picture are this man and this lady, samantha, right, sam. and they are the only people that smile with both sets of teeth showing. do you notice that? people smile like this.
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and the thing is-- >> stephen: their mouths are also open a little bit. it's this, it's. >> yeah. >> stephen: it's like they are about to bite you. >> yeah, with cool and with liberalism. >> stephen: yeah. >> and with all of that cool stuff. >> stephen: the question that this raises. >> yeah. >> stephen: the question obviously this photo raises is what is justin trudeau's x-men mutant power other than making us wish we lived in canada. >> good hair, i would say. >> stephen: fantastic hair. all of your hair went to him. >> yes. >> stephen: he sucked out other people's-- he's like the rogue of hair styles. >> that is the only way i get my visa to work in canada, actually, can trudeau get your hair, done, i get my visa. >> stephen: speaking of hair, do you maintain yourself? do you have a razor you maintain, do you do the work yourself? >> i-- no, if i'm not working i let it grow out. and every morning i go and work.
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and at the moment anik shaves my hair twice. >> stephen: twice a day, waxing, lotion, what goes on. >> no waxing, no lotion. >> stephen: no lotion. >> well, maybe a little bit of moisturizer. yeah. actually, do you know what, i have had a tinted day cream on there once. >> stephen: a tinted day cream. >> i don't know if you can notice, in a slightly neo nazi-- way, my face is darker than my skull. strangely sort of-- i've never seen the sun kind of scalp thing which is whiter than while. and sometimes when i'm going out for dinner or whatever i feel a bit self-conscience about it and let's say have i not got the two days growth that i have right now, it's even more blinding white, and slightly off-putting for people who have an aversion to skin heads, so i put a little bit of tinted moisturizer, day cream on there. and suddenly people are like oh, you're like-- you're like patrick stewart, you're friendly, you're nice. people stop crossing the street. >> stephen: i like how you say tinted day cream.
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intelligent technology can help protect it. the all-new audi q5 is here. >> stephen: hey, everybody! we're back with james mcavoy. now james, let me ask you this about professor x, character background work if you can reveal this, does the carpet match the lack of drapes? ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> all right, all right. >> stephen: it's a natural question. we're all adults here. >> the natural question for you to ask about my nethers. i actually did one-- down there when i was young. >> stephen: did you. >> i did, and i used my granddad's razor. and my grand-- that was a big old reaction. >> stephen: did he know? >> he found out.
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so it was a bit abortive, i stopped halfway through, i thought this isn't working for me, and so-- you know, as you do. so i went upstairs to my bedroom and then i get this-- this voice from downstairs, my granny and granddad standing at the bottom of the stairs like james, james, son. uh-huh, what is up, would you come downstairs and have a wee chat with us, pal. i was like hearst, uh. something went on. and they are like show us your wrists and i was like show us your wrists. we just seen your granddad's razor and there is blood in, there is blood in the toilet, show us your wrists shall son, show us your wrists. there's nothing wrong with my wrists. there is nothing am my wrists. they are like show us your wrists and i was like i was shaving my ( bleep ), that is a true story, that is a true story. ( applause ) >> stephen: i can only imagine they said oh, so happy.
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>> no, they were very-- what? what? and it took awhile before they gave me the talk about hygiene and how my granddad uses that razor on his face. >> stephen: okay, okay. so much, there is so much to talk about but i want to talk about the movie atomic blond. in it you get your ass kicked. >> i do. >> stephen: by charlize theron, right? >> charlize theron, what a pleasure on any level. >> it is a very great pleasure. there was actually a scene in the film where she kicks me in her bedroom and, it was my first sort of bit of fighting in the film. i only got three little bits of fighting in the film, we were going to rehearse it and the director said we're going to cut the fighting. and i was like oh, man, this sucks, there was a cool bit of fun fighting, sexy fighting and on the bed. we are just going to reorganize the scene, sitting down having a chat and the whole time i was like this sucks, the scene, it sucks now, it's really, re
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so i was quite depressed about it. i came in for my first bit of filming. they were like you know what, i put it back in i cannot tell you, had a pleasure surge. and-- you know what i am saying, where babies kind of like get overwhelmed with a feeling of goodness they kind of go-- i was like-- i was like that. anyway, so we put this fight scene back in the film and i'm really pleased because it is a funny sort of fight scene. >> stephen: i think we are seeing part of it in this clip, right? >> let's see. >> stephen: jim? >> i'm not going to lie, i'm yopressed.
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>> you should see my ( bleep ), you'll be really impressed. >> i'll take your word for it. >> stephen: and we return to the scene. >> i know, the scene, the scene of my life, really. the line that they cut that you didn't get to see was that i shaved myself with my granddad's razor. >> stephen: director's cut. >> yes. >> stephen: director's cut. ( applause ) "atomic blonde" premiers next friday, james mcavoy, everybody. we'll be right back with matteo lane. we don't just want to watch games cable gives us. we want all the teams, no matter where we live- with directv nfl sunday ticket. we want falcons in new york. jets in la. bears in new orleans. or buccaneers in a quaint, little new england bed and breakfast. can you please pass the marmalade, charlie? i sure can, crazy pirate.
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is a former opera singer who now performs comedy all over new york city, please welcome matteo lane. ( applause ) >> hi, thank you so much, yes, i am gay. thank you. all right, so i was in rome last year. i am of italian descent, grazie, and normally when i go to italy i'm just in sicily staring at my
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old relatives and they are like mangia so i was in rome and i was like you know what, i want to have like a real date, like a diane lane "under the tuscan sun" moment, but then i went on a hookup,-- like no it's hard to figure out who is gay and straight in italy, they all look gay there, like i pass for straight, that's a problem. but i met this guy, it was great, his name was francesco and he was like kind of-- he was in the closet so meeting up with him was really hard. he kept being like we have to meet at this place at this time. like is this a drug deal? and then when i went to go meet him he was in like, they had the bar and then there was a shadow and he was just like under the shadow like this. i was like francesco and he was like-- come on! italians are the most dramatic people on the face of the planet. this wasn
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we immediately started arguing which like who argues on a first date but i thought he should tell his parents that he was gay. and the word for gay in italian, by the way, is just gay with an italian accent so it's just "gay-a." so while he's yelling at me,-- ( speaking italian ) then we started making out and because he never had done this before, he started to lose it. so like at the end of our opera, he just like shoves me aside and starts screaming at himself and goes "aye, francesco, what you have done!" it was great. but on american dates are you like oh, you have an older brother. ( laughter ) more guac please. i love italy, like great food but if you are a coffee drinker, italy is the best coffee in the world.
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america with starbucks, like it's just-- i keep going, i'm like a battered wife, i keep going back like he'll change, but it's just the same. i went into star bucks one time, they asked for my name to put on the back of the cup, i said "matteo!" she turned around, made my drink, came become, it said "potato." ( laughter ) here's the thing. when you hear "potato," you stop writing on the cup. ( laughter ) that's when you say, "i'm sorry, i heard potato." ( laughter ) wow. what is your name? i mean what barista is like oh, the fifth potato today!
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one time i went in and i was wearing fake glasses. they had no lenses in them but i was feeling myself, and went up to the-- well we should stop calling them baristas, they are just employees at starbucks, that's called shade. and i went up to them-- yes, yes, and i went up hi, she didn't even type, she looked at me and goes your glasses don't have any lenses in them. okay, what was i going to say oh my god, you are right, i thought this was a sbarro. yeah, i know. and then her gay coworker wearing real glasses, by the way, i don't know why us gays there is always one gay working at starbucks, i don't know why. if there is one gay, work will get done. if there is more than one gay, nothing gets done! one gay is always manning a sinking ship, "sue, hurry up, let's go, more muffins." two gays, ha, what does she want. so he hears i'm wearing fa
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glass, he's got real glasses, just slitters into the conversation, and just plays the biggest victim. he goes "i find it interesting that those who don't need glasses choose to wear them. ( laughter ) when we who need them have no choice." okay, jafar. ( laughter ) and i just wanted my coffee so i was like can i get my coffee and they doubled down, like why are wearing those glasses. so i said what i thought was very funny. i was like "your job is as real as these glasses." i know! but listen, it's a fake job. barista is a fake job. it's a fake job in the same way i think a pharmacist is i fake job like oh, pharmacist-- why are you wearing lab coats there is no science happening back there. ( laughter ) no chemistry, you're not in "jurassic park," you aren't creating new dinosaurs, are you in the lowest form. one timeas
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about pharmacists and this guy stands up and goes i went to six years of pharmacy school, i was like what did you do for six years in pharmacy school, did you just put on a lab coat and your teacher was like, all right, everyone. how many pills do you see? thank you so much. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: matteo lane, everybody. we'll be right back.
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>> stephen: that's it for the "late show." good night. captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from burbank, california, give it up for your host, the one, the only james corden!

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