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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  February 29, 2016 12:05am-1:07am EST

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tomorrow morning! all members of the academy who are eligible are invited to vote their nominations for best picture. in most other categories, the nominations are decided by a vote of the members working in that specific category. then the entire membership chooses from those nominations the recipients of the oscars. and finally, the results of all the secret voting are known only to the independent accounting firm of pricewaterhousecoopers
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opened on the air.tt2watu#@m4 bt@qu)d tt2watu#@m4 "a@qe% tt2watu#@m4 bm@qn., tt4watu#@m4 " dztq ]:h tt4watu#@m4 " entq ->( tt4watu#@m4 " gzt& 49p tt4watu#@m4 " hnt& $7< tt4watu#@m4 " iztq n^d tt4watu#@m4 " jntq \.$ tt4watu#@m4 " lzt& dcx tt2watu#`s4 bt@qs1t tt2watu#`s4 "a@qc=0 tt2watu#`s4 bm@qh6< tt4watu#`s4 " dztq g4t tt4watu#`s4 " entq 704 tt4watu#`s4 " gzt& .7l tt4watu#`s4 " hnt& >9 tt4watu#`s4 " iztq tpx tt4watu#`s4 " jntq f 8 tt4watu#`s4 " lzt& ^md this seasoned jumbo popcorn chicken is great! why do you think they call it "seasoned"?
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oh, like it has life experience. like it went backpacking through europe, figured itself out, knows the world. i think it's because it doesn't need sauce. the seasoning's already on there. 'cause it's got it goin' on. -well, yeah! it does, okay. -right. and does that remind you of anybody we know? -it does. -it does. [both] me. [both] you? [both] you? [rumbling] [thump] new seasoned jumbo popcorn chicken in three delicious flavors, all half-price after 8pm.
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. you started right here on abc thirteen the glitz the glamour of the eighty eighth annual academy awards tonight we're asking what they could take to get more movies shot in hampton roads hundreds of people pile into the virginia beach convention center to hear from presidential candidate marco rubio hear what he had to say about virginia's importance in
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first day on the job. a virginia police officer shot and killed her police cruiser turned into a memorial what investigators say lead up to that fatal encounter the news starts now. as soon as i'm done taking the oath of office. i will go straight to the oval office and i will repeal every single one of barack obama is unconstitutional executive orders the fire up and taking aim at democrats as well as one of his fellow republicans marco rubio draws a big crowd at a rally in virginia beach hour early i had several talking points during the visit. they included improving veterans' benefits and rebuilding the military he also made a number of other things clear including his opinion of donald trump and that rubio has his sights
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here's brian farrell getting presidential candidate marco rubio's word seeping through his crowd of supporters as we pushed in with them sunday night the beach convention center the rallying point and i am telling you today that we nominate donald trump today is the frontrunner. we will lose this election to hillary clinton. rubio referring to trump as a con job also condemning trucks refusal to distance himself from the endorsement of a former kkk leader was asked to denounce the complex plan they refuse to do it the he was asked about david o'keefe said i don't know who that is he knows who that is he wrote a letter about him twenty years ago rubio promising his plans would raise many issues including saving social security and medicare balancing the budget we have a real plan to repeal and replace obamacare once and for all island. i like them better and i like is when the immigration formalities the entry of mine the promise is extending to
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what rubio calls president obama is gutting of the military. so let me be abundantly clear when i'm president of the united states of america. we're going to undertake a reagan style rebuilding of the us the keys in hand once more people to surround themselves in the cabinet more possibly the supreme court is going to take our nation to the next entry. our generation for my children. we will win virginia and the general election and we will win the presidency we will do what needs to be done and we will leave for our children what they deserve to inherit the single greatest nation in the history of mankind who visit here at the oceanfront was one of four stops across virginia sunday he squeeze in a final visit moto college before the night was over in virginia beach right carol thirteen years now. two more presidential candidates are making stops in hampton roads ahead of super tuesday. among them. gop presidential candidate john carson a retired neurosurgeon will speak at regent university
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participate in the school's presidential forum this year also later today hillary clinton heads to offer the democratic presidential candidate will hold a get out the vote rally tomorrow night at lake taylor high school of the details on both events posted on the homepage of thirteen news now come on new tonight the red cross is helping a family after a fire swept through the virginia beach home around seven thirty firefighters were called to minneapolis drive near white oaks elementary school. fire officials say a smoke detector went off in everyone did get out of that house safely. investigators are working to figure out what sparked the fire to stay together you have to stay united story we're going to make it a family sticking close together after losing a loved one and a duplex fire early friday morning the home on kingston avenue in the ocean view area caught fire around two am four people were injured and one
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the brother of the woman neighbors caught grandma spoke only with to her and tells him why she's a hero that being on the door from a neighbor saved in norfolk couple's lives early friday but the upstairs neighbors who made it out of this fire has claudia ridley to thank my sister had to wake people up rather than release as his sister claudia lived upstairs with a close friend who they consider family on the night of the fire two kids were also in claudia's home her son and cousin's child really says his sister woke everyone up and they were able to jump out of the second story window to escape the fire they jumped out of the window because the stairs were totally involved. she fell into an aurora back door that lets you turn to mush sister claudia didn't jump firefighters found her body
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loving most compassionate most humble person i've ever known release as their friend who just isn't the hospital with a back injury but is in forgetting to show appreciation for claudia told my nephew was the reason why we live she would not stop saying it really isn't forgetting either. while he and his family grief and how she's my sister in your face she knew her thirty eight news now by portsmouth police say charges are pending in a pair of shootings that left two young boys for investigators say both shootings were accidental and unrelated the first happened around ten forty this morning on lancer drive police say a seven year old boy was playing with a gun when it went off hitting him and had the boy's mother rushed him to marry the hospital where he's expected to recover then around eleven fifteen officers were called to a house on more gate lane in
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two boys were playing with a gun they found outside at some point in one of the boys accidentally shot the other in the leg. medics rushed the nine year old victim to the hospital he too is expected to be okay investigators say both guns were left unsecured. he is lucky and so we have as per the other responsible unlock those guns up for a person that cares and has a house and keep a lock box if you get to go to the house will never let your kids know what good is that keeping the house but in the law and police are stressing the importance of gun safety and the need for adults to teach their children about the dangers associated with god's well tributes are pouring and for the prince william county police officer shot and killed on her first day on the job flowers and messages of support are coming in from all across the country officer ashley
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patrol when she and two other officers responded to a domestic incident investigators say ronald hamilton an army staff sergeant started shooting at the officers as soon as they arrive. one of those shots hit with the medics rushed her to the hospital but she later died from her injuries those other officers who are hurt are expected to be okay hamilton who works at the pentagon now faces murder charges and he's due in court tomorrow. he is a man accused of stabbing a fellow sailor criminal charges against wilbur harwell rock will tell you why. plus way they can really sing. one had lied to that thirteen years now oscar viewing party and we ask the question what would
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show are in the race site we like you're on the nightcap of hollywood's golden night providing some golden moments house chris rock not holding back about the huskers diversity controversy while the eightieth academy awards was full of hot new hollywood heavy hitters and some newcomers as well. mad max fury road swept several awards including production design film editing sound mixing editing and makeup and hair styling. best actress went to rooms brie larson and after five acting nominations it was finally leonardo
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than the biggest award tonight. this picture and bam the osgood goose june and the in news the and now it's on to the after parties and the governors ball fifteen hundred guests are celebrating tonight with food dancing and more than a thousand bottles of wine could some of that movie magic come here to happen well there's an effort to get hollywood to shoot more movies here in virginia and hampton roads it could mean millions for the economy but lasalle bank found out scripting a game plan for that isn't easy. he's live at the oscars party lasalle regina you would do a double take when you hear how much money in competition is involved in reeling in film production companies how to turn virginia into a movie man. virginia's top movie man has bright projections based on what's already been popping here before in twenty
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million dollars to virginia's economy over thirty five hundred full time jobs it's any admin job to reel in hollywood and hit the road we see charlie sheen jump off the brooklyn bridge a navy seals tom cruise escape the mission impossible off the chesapeake bay bridge tunnel. tom hanks took on captain phillips in virginia beach. what did he heads to hollywood to film in hampton roads reach locations natural locations great urban city locations are a great crew based in hampton roads area because you have a lot ongoing tv production that occurs everyday go there really is a content manufacturing factory operation them but when it comes to oil production is a very competitive high stakes seen virginia loses out to other areas willing to roll the dice on giving massive tax incentives to production company for example in georgia they have over two hundred and fifty million dollars a year tax credits are able to provide two and two sisters mrs virginia we
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time it's annie's roll to hit up the general assembly for more money in the movie budget hit mets were very conservative in how we use virginia's precious dollars into it and how to track this business. virginia tries to compensate by giving crews access to state locations without charging a location fee that's one way they were able to bring steven spielberg's lincoln to richmond that equated to actual dollar savings within the data is a business show business the show finds what they set the strategy now is to support local production companies to get virginia on the movie making that we really want to build an industry from the ground up and not from the top and that's what the film office supported bell tower pictures enrichment they film their latest movie here shooting the prodigal we were able to get the benefit of a grant from the governor's motion picture opportunity fund nine thousand dollars you can't build an industry living from spielberg ridley scott. what we need what we're trying to
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industry here in virginia that will make its debut at the upcoming richmond international film festival which is another way virginia is trying to create because we have about twenty five different countries about a hundred and twenty filmmakers traveling and we hope that these filmmakers that are troubling and from around the world will think about coming back here at the pleasure working with steven spielberg three times saying several times and a lot of repeat customers come back because the degree to which we rely a lot by the way we want to let you know we have a list of the feature films shot here in virginia and hampton roads on thirteen is now dot com and before we say goodbye to the oscars. i want to salute the last remaining part of our crowd that was here four bit version is now oscars viewing party at the pembroke metal cinema cafe guys we're happy with the best that a
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actually predicted the worst more here in hampton roads come on hollywood come here right the ride until next year we all want to go home go to sleep i gave her didn't take it back to the job without id ready for some warmer weather aside some parts i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. her life's work has been about breaking barriers. and so would her presidency. which is why, for every american who's not being paid what they're worth...
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and there are far too many of you- she understands that our country can't reach it's potential... unless we all do. together. a stronger country. i do everything on the internet. but, it's kind of slow. my friends say i should get fios because it's the fastest. i just downloaded 600 photos in 60 seconds. that's seriously better. (husband) we're out of 2%! i wonder what else could be better around here? (husband) i heard that. switching to better internet is now easier than ever. only fios has the fastest internet available, with uploads up to 5x faster than cable. get 100 meg upload and download speeds. plus tv and phone for just $69.99 a month online with no annual contract.
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a lot of sunshine today campers well up into the sixties it'll be another one tomorrow. well i am tracking a cold front out towards the west you can see this line of showers is moving to parts of illinois and indiana and ohio that front will move through here during the day tomorrow for a few clouds or with a slight chance of a sprinkling can see that your future cast of the overnight hours mainly clear skies and is waking up tomorrow morning after the mid forties and low spots near fifty along the coastline near the front moving through during the late morning early afternoon hours notice to the cas card for just an isolated sprinkles mar for northern locations. i think
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little bit under done there could be an isolated sprinkle in a few spots but looking a lot of rain in august after still well up into the sixties as we go through the afternoon hours some spots hitting seventy degrees mainly clear skies tomorrow night as we head into the day on tuesday looking at another warm one with temperatures well up into the sixties once again for big changes as we enter the day on wednesday with a live look outside mainly clear skies fifty one degrees was coming on the south southwest of eighteen mph fifteen franklin chesapeake fifty five in newport news in gloucester fifty four number forty nine and stuff and it's going fifty three degrees and does so mainly clear skies tonight forty six for an overnight low was out of the southwest will continue it during the day on monday with a high of sixty nine degrees partly sunny skies and slight chance of passing shower down to forty five degrees monday night mainly clear skies on tuesday i took of sixty three degrees for your super tuesday forecasters you're heading out onn wednesday were
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scattered showers and thunderstorms a high of sixty forty eight thursday forty six friday with scattered showers and of some iranian leaders and early saturday evening with snowflake trying these and nothing clearing out forty seven saturday and fifty four on sunday night to welcome more news charges are dropped against a man accused of stabbing a sailor at naval
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what's next for this seasoned jumbo popcorn chicken is great! why do you think they call it "seasoned"? i think because it is. oh, like it has life experience. like it went backpacking through europe, figured itself out, knows the world. i think it's because it doesn't need sauce. the seasoning's already on there. 'cause it's got it goin' on. -well, yeah! it does, okay. -right. and does that remind you of anybody we know? -it does. -it does. [both] me. [both] you? [both] you? [rumbling] [thump] new seasoned jumbo popcorn chicken in three delicious flavors, all half-price after 8pm.
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. prosecutors are dropping promote charges against wilbur harwell the sailor accused of stabbing another sailor at naval medical center portsmouth. i was accused of attacking justin powell with a knife in the barracks at the medical center back in twenty fourteen r was attorney says the psychologists found his client like mental responsibility of the attack hearing will determine if our will is still in danger and should remain confined taiwan a little overtime right now nascar was on overtime pay and laugh when we come back we'll talk about racing from midland as well as a harlem globe trotter nap time, waits for no one. good clean food, waits for anyone who orders it. order online and avoid the line. at panera.
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nap time, waits for no one. good clean food, waits for anyone who orders it. order online and avoid the line. at panera. food as it should be. the best jimmie johnson was much of a factor last week of the daytona five hundred finishing sixteen this week from atlanta ga looking to
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tie the late dale earnhardt sr in all time wins with denny hamlin virginia native last week's winner was drunk on the sixth driver to win the first two races did happen was up sixteen meantime kurt busch the pole sitter led the first thirty nine laps would give way to some moving up eleven positions in the first ten ahead to lap eighty four johnson making a move on mac kansas and kansas makes a move on him. however the twenty car would get penalize reason being one of his crew members are not supposed to touch the back of a vehicle while you're fueling got black flag and so he lost in time. ca bush took the lead johnson re takes the lead with forty laps to go he would go on to post his first win of two thousand sixteen his fifth atlanta but also ties the great intimidated. it's hard to enter the sport is so
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for a few years and at seventy six that i will hurt seniors very very proud of my mind about not having the chance to race against women is that really you know him for months on the way from having that opportunity said to him today on for myself personally to his dismay a little something to live attachment to do you think when you are president you'll be paid as... much as if it were a man- male... this is one of the jobs where they have to pay you the same. but there are so many examples where that doesnt happen. i'm going to do everything i can to make sure every woman... in every job gets paid the same... ...as the men who are doing that job.
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i hard to believe the harlem globetrotters have been entertaining folks were better for ninety years ago at a local product platform that's corey law ideas from out of chesapeake with deep creek high school. mccollum founder first understand what the college and high point north carolina the globetrotters one of drafting him out though but there for their taming did
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years he's been loving life is so much emotions right now you know by now you've got everybody supported the year and hence was a member of his office for the best one he was mostly a twenty six year old is also a guinness book of records holds the walk is back to the shot blindfolded sixty nine feet six inches longest basketball shot hundred and nine feet nine inches and one backwards due to be two inches. he tried to convince his high school coach leroy ricks to take his game outside the stall and let me share a little more he wants to downgrade the records of drake's the fact that the a's saying we'll visit us next year when they come back as i was categories i told you so yeah hope your day's ride
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or later today as his voice may be members of the sixty nine degrees sixty three on tuesday were looking at scattered showers and storms on wednesday and seven and the surgeon is now an eleven year up to date this are sick or on a special edition of jimmy kimmel live is next on daybreak starts at four thirty in the morning of
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and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live after the oscars"! >> how do you think it went? what did you think of j-law's dress? which white people did you go after, bro? >> chris, over here, did you to us! >> jimmy, jimmy kimmel, what are you doing out here? >> jimmy: my mom got me this camera, i figured i'd get a few shots. >> don't you have the "after the oscars" special tonight? >> jimmy: yeah, but -- did you get a gift basket? can i get some of that nourishing lotion? yo, chris. did leta rock it tonight? chris, who are you wearing? chris! i didn't find out who you're wearing! i need to know who you're wearing! >> dicky: from hollywood -- it's "jimmy kimmel live after the
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tonight - ben affleck, tracy morgan, henry cavill, jesse isenberg, j.k. simmons, will arnett, nathan lane, matthew broderick, mike tyson, and less. plus we go live to the governors ball. presented by samsung. with cleto and the cletones. and now -- lights, camera, action - here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. i was not expecting it. thank you. i'm jimmy. thanks for watching.
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i know it's late for a sunday night but welcome to our 11th annual after the oscars special. the statues have been handed out, the speeches have been spoken, and once again i was not invited to any of the after parties so here we are together. [ cheers and applause ] making the best of it. it was a night of controversy. it was a night of awareness. it was a night of a lot of uncomfortable famous white people trying to make sure they them. as you know there were no black nominees in the acting categories. tonight's oscar hopefuls were whiter than the line to buy t-shirts at a michael bolton concert. the only way a black or hispanic or asian octoberer was going to win an oscar was if they let steve harvey announce the winner and that didn't happen. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the show went mostly as expected, there weren't a ton of surprises. the biggest surprise was learning there's actually a movie called "the 100 year old man who climbed out the window and disappeared."
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the sound cut out on one of the guys who won best sound design. true. i think the person -- the kid who introduced best short was short. so that was good. and the woman who won best costume design showed up dressed like this. >> this is the second oscar and tenth nomination for jenny bevin. the first oscar in this category -- >> jimmy: she looked like sammy hagar in sturgis. i guess she doesn't take her work home with her. "spotlight" won best picture. brie larson won best actress. [ cheers and applause ] leonardo dicaprio won best actor. leo had been nominated six types. until tonight he never won but everyone kept saying, this is his year. and it was. but you know, the man has had sex with a different victoria's
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every year of his year. from 1991 on has been his year. and it was a special night whether you're a fan of movies, movie stars, or the ryan seacrest men's wear collection. we still have many great moments in store yore rou. ben affleck is here. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bad man versus superman." he's batman. yesterday was ben's 4-year-old son's birthday party and guess what costume his son made him the party. that's right. we'll find out how that went. it's not all glamorous, this hollywood stuff. one day you're on the red carpet, next day 15 preschoolers are beating you with pinata sticks. right now the stars are heading to the governors ball, the post-oscars party across the street. our man guillermo is there standing by live via our big cisco screen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll get go to him now, guillermo, what's it like, are there any big stars around? >>.
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stars around here. beautiful women too. >> jimmy: why don't you have any of them? >> oh. they at the bar right now. >> jimmy: they're at the bar, all right. see who you can russell up for us and we'll check back in later. how many drinks have you had? >> about 40 shots of tequila. >> jimmy: okay, great. perfect. so he's ready to go. that's actually less than he typically has on a sunday night. thank you, guillermo. we'll check back in with you later at the governors ball. one of the most critically acclaimed movies of the year this year that was not nominated for best picture was "cred," the story of rocky balboa training the son of one of his greatals. stallone was nominated for an oscar. it would not be a movie without a sequel. the world premiere trailer for the much-anticipated followup to "creed." >> i will have a choice. this is my one shot.
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can't nobody stop me! >> you got no business being here. >> the other fighters are fighting for their lives. look at you. eating a hero sandwich. >> it's a hoagie! >> get the hell out of my gym! >> look at this. your first fight with clubber. you got caught with a right uppercut. you're sounding like a dolphin with an itchy blow hole. hee hee! hee hee! hee hee! hee hee! hee hee hee hee hee hee hee! >> how do you know so much about that fight? >> that was my pops. >> junior. >> that's what marty povis told us. i need you to train me. >> train you to do what? >> what do you think i'm talking about, fool, to fight.
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fighter. >> i been fighting my whole life. the people who said i couldn't fight -- >> ha ha ha! >> fighting my demons. >> hey, baby. >> fighting that lady in the wendy's drive-through because she wouldn't give me extra dipping sauce. >> quheerls my dipping sauce? >> all i asked for was extra honey mustard! aahhh! >> i'll teach you to fight, kid. let's get some shorts on you because we got work to do. come on. >> all i asked for was extra honey busmustard. >> come on! come on now! >> oohh! >> one. >> come on, chicken, come over here! >> boxing isn't just about strength and conditioning.
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>> and fowls and wings! >> over, under, round and through. meet mr. bunny pull it through. you're not focusing. you've got to focus. beat that meat like you mean it! harder! harder! you've got to kill him! give it to him! what the hell are you doing? whoa, whoa, whoa! hey, hey, no! no! no! got it? you've got it. you've got it! [ cheers and applause ] >> it's the fight nobody thought would happen. >> this is a fight nobody thought should happen. this is a disgrace to the sport of boxing. but i can't wait to see it. >> this is our last round, you need this one. >> i keep thinking it's gum.
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edge out there! >> rrrow! hey, get me some. honey mustard, you remembered! >> that's right. now go get him. >> that was clubber. >> i know, i know. mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. love you so much. i got hair in my teeth. go get him! >> pop? >> quit your jibber jabber, fool! >> how am i doing? >> good. yeah.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to take a break but it will be worth it, stay there. we have many stars and many surprises on the way. it's our biggest show of the year. our 11th annual "after the oscars" special - we'll be right back after this. [ cheers and applause ] why can't i buy this weird, shaved-meat sandwich with my phone? why can't my battery last long enough to navigate me through these scary woods? ugh. eh, probably fine though. [lightning strike] why can't my phone have enough memory to hold all a hundred and forty-five of my movies, like that one with the action and the martial arts. you seen that one? why can't my phone take high quality low light photos instead of this big, expensive camera? [police siren] why don't you come down from there sir? you got it! why doesn't my phone work after i pour this expensive champagne all over it? how am i 'sposed to show people how rich and carefree i am? why did i have to wait so long in this commercial to do a celebrity sports person cameo? [scoreboard buzzer] why don't i ever get asked to be the spokesperson in the commercial? ha, ha. good question. introducing the only water-resistant, fast,
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memory expandable, pay almost anywhere, samsung galaxy s7 edge. vr experience ended. man, i would have made a great spokesperson. [sigh] the new, do everything, galaxy s7 edge. hi, i'd like to make a dep-- scanner: rescan item. rescan, rescan. rescan item.
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you almost get used to it. phone voice: main menu representative. representative. representative. vo: which is why being put first... relax, we got this. vo: ...takes some getting used to. join the nation. nationwide is on your side representative. so my kids don't have to forage, got two jobs to pay a mortgage, and i've also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap. i'll be working while you sleep. still don't think i've got a brain? you think a resume's enough? who'll step up when things get tough? don't you want that kind of brain? a degree is a degree. you're gonna want someone like me.
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>> jimmy: hello and welcome back to our 11th annual "after the oscars" special. batman is on the way. first let's check in with guillermo on the wall of america at the governors ball happening across -- look at this, guillermo, you did it! i asked you to get us a big star, you got us a big star, sacha baron cohen, hello! [ cheers and applause ] >> hello, america. >> jimmy: hey, you had a pretty quick costume change there, i guess.
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talking about that wasn't me. >> jimmy: oh, that's right. i forgot. >> the academy would never let somebody like ali g. come out. i went to the toilet, it was done. >> jimmy: is it true that sacha -- you were supposed to present and instead ali g. wound up filling in as a surprise? >> that is true. that is true. i was very displayed because i was getting ready -- nature called. i went into the bathroom. next thing i knew, i had been usurped by ali g. and made a fool of. >> jimmy: ali g. presented by olivia, did she know ali g. was coming out instead of you -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm real sorry. >> i'm not aware. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sacha, i apologize,
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>> yeah, there's a lot of complete pardon my french [ bleep ] walking around. >> jimmy: yeah, there are people jumping around in the back like -- >> they're just trying to get famous. a lot of people are here upset they didn't win tonight. >> jimmy: you know, this is really a shame that we put so much work into the show and then people just show and up they ruin it like that. >> bad losers. >> jimmy: well, you know -- sacha, you have a movie "the brothers grimsby" coming out. >> that's right, that's right. march 11th. >> jimmy: and again, i apologize for what's going on here, very unprofessional. guillermo, you're the one that should be watching for what's going on. get the guy behind you out of the shot! >> who is -- >> jimmy: thank you very much. >> dim wit. >> jimmy: i'm so sorry. >> stay away, please. >> jimmy: there's no excuse for that. i apologize again. some people are just gross. but thank you very much. >> yeah. >> jimmy: sacha baron cohen!
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>> stay away. >> jimmy: thank you so much, guillermo. >> stay away next year. >> jimmy: thank you. keep rounding people up, will you, guillermo? no -- >> hey, jimmy -- >> jimmy: thank you very much. much. [ cheers and applause ] it just really pisses me off, that's all. so back to the movies. this is the reason why we're watching television tonight. is on car night is a night to celebrate great films. if you're at all familiar with the movie "the producers" you know it is one of the best comedies ever. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the producers" is a classic, won an oscar for mel brooks, record-breaking 12 tony awards when mel made it into a broadway musical starring nathan lane and matthew broderick. it's been almost 15 years. now they're back with a diabolical new scheme to unleash their most spectacular disaster yet. >> they were a pair of political consultants on needed a break. >> that's it!
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>> don't say that, max. >> let's face it, bloom, we haven't had a winning campaign in years. >> max, do you realize under the right circumstances it might be possible to make more money from a losing candidate than from a winner? >> what did you say? >> first we find a bad candidate, then we raise money like crazy and promise all the donors ambassadorships to italy or sweden or armenia. then when the public figures out what a nut case our guy is he drops out of the race -- >> and we keep all the dough! oh, darling bloom, glorious bloom! you bloody genius you! >> max, don't. >> but wait, wait. this candidate. he's got to be the worst candidate in history. a real train wreck. nincompoop. where would we find a buffoon like that? >> and now a message from the
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>> people have been asking about my desk and the fact that i have so many papers on my desk. it's actually very neat. but if you look around, i mean, there's a lot of stuff. i've noticed over the years -- people have a lot going on on their desk. >> hand me the phone! the phone! >> my desk is a very important part of me -- >> yes, yes, yes. hello, hello, operator? >> -- that's a good thing -- >> get me the board room. you know which one. innocence thens they had a foolproof plan. >> there's a new horse in the race for the white house. his name, donald j. trump. can he beat the establishment? who will support him? fiscal conservatives? the religious right? or crazy old semi-racist white people? >> they're sure he can win? >> oh, mrs. comisky, donald trump is the very definition of a winner. >> just read the pin.
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>> bless you, mrs. comisky, bless you. thank you. thank you. yes. i keep the checkie, thank you. thank you, mrs. comisky. yes, good-bye, mrs. comisky. here we go. that's a girl. oh, oh! beautiful, beautiful. we're going right out the door. all right, easy now. easy, we don't have time for that. easy. all right. don't worry, it's only six flights. bye! >> bye. >> thank god for citizens united. >> 22 ambassadors to france so far. >> and 25 million bucks, bloom. i have to tell you, running trump was smart. but your idea about building a wall across the mexican border? brilliant. >> not as brilliant as your idea about making the mexicans pay for it. >> he won't last the week! >> oh, look, max, this is it. >> i will build a great, great
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i will have mexico pay for that wall. mark my words. we're in the money we're in the money >> announcer: but they pick the wrong fool. >> good news for donald trump. the whole world has gone stark raving mad for him like these two looney birds, these numb skulls, even in whack a doodle. >> you ready for someone who will let our warriors do their job and go kick isis' ass? >> he's still in the lead, max. >> how could this happen? >> well, i hear he's a proven businessman who knows how to get things done. >> yeah, he'll stand up to the mexicans. >> i can't believe this it's not possible. >> where did we go right? >> i don't know. >> wait a minute. wait a minute -- did he question john mccain's war heroism? >> yes. >> did he say we should kick out
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>> did he propose banning all 1 billion muslims from entering the u.s.? >> si! >> did he say heidi klum was no longer a 10? >> yes, yes! >> nothing is working, max, nothing. >> oh, no! no! >> announcer: just in time for the election, it's a story that starts off funny and then gets really, really depressing. [ cheers and applause ] we needed a chump to put on the stump a frumpy grumpy named donald j. trump he's building a wall a thousand feet tall don't worry cause the mexicans will pay for it all >> announcer: from the producers of "the producers" comes a movie that will make america great again. nathan lane, matthew broderick, and cloris leachman star in --
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>> maybe he won't be such a bad president. >> bing bing bong bong bing bing bong bong. >> whoa, what have we done? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a lot to come including we have tonight on the show never before seen footage from "batman versus superman." [ cheers and applause ] the "after oscars post show." we'll be right back with ben affleck! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: jimmy kimmel after the oscars is brought to you by samsung. go to youtube.com/jimmykimmielive to see guillermo nursed in a virtual world using a samsung v-r headset. [ panting ] i focused on being prepared. [ gasp ] i saved your life by bringing you here.

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