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Search Results 0 to 49 of about 911 (some duplicates have been removed)
Sep 8, 2015 11:35pm EDT
, moving on. okay. we do have some great guests for you tonight, like george clooney. ( applause ) the nice thing is george doesn't even have a doesn't have a movie coming out, he's just here because he's such a nice guy. unless, of course, he's trying steals all the gold from my vault. ooh, damon. then... then, i'll talk to presidential candidate jeb bush. ( cheers and applause ) should be a good conversation. this is the rare tv appearance where he doesn't have to share a stage with 16 other people. he was governor of florida for eight years, and you'd think that much exposure to oranges and crazy people would have prepared him for donald trump. ( laughter ) evidently not. ( cheers and applause ) oh, wait. oh, kids! that sound is either the world's funkiest ice cream truck coming down the street, or it's jon batiste and stay human. ( musical flourish ) say hello, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) you can't fight it. you can't fight it. they have a tremendous later tonight with a lot of special guests. you will want to stick around for that. are you ready to hear them play the new "l
Dec 8, 2015 11:35pm PST
best-selling author and macarthur genius, george saunders. ( cheers and applause ) george-- >> jon: george, george, big george. >> stephen: in my opinion, he is one of the best short story writers in the world. although, i've been repeatedly assured it's not the length of the story that matters. and we'll have an amazing performance by indie rock harpist joanna newsom. ( cheers and applause ) that's my air harp. >> jon: get it! get it! get it! pull it! get it! pull it! get it! get it! that was good. that was nice. >> stephen: i am telling you, folks, she is amazing. if you see only one rock-harpist on television tonight, make it this one. (band playing) oh, that over there, folks. that is jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. jon, i really-- i really like your suit tonight. >> jon: oh, yeah. >> stephen: yeah. that is nice. is that new? that's nice. it looks like you took that from the skin of a flamboyant python. they're about to spark up this menorah, but before they do, one more thing: a british astronaut says he will run the london marathon virtually on a treadmill whil
Sep 8, 2016 11:35pm EDT
" with stephen colbert. tonight, jessica alba, bradley whitford and george takei, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ? >> stephen: hey! hey, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) oh! woo-hoo! man! ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much! welcome to the "late show." thank you so much. please v a seat! thank you so much. you're very kind! welcome to "the late show." i'm your shows stephen colbert. the first presidential debate is monday, september 26. we will be live. join us, won't you? ( cheers and applause ) it's going to be a lot of fun. but, last night, they held like an appetizer debate. an amuse douche, if you will. ( laughter ) it was called the "commander-in-chief forum." hillary clinton and donald trump answering questions about national security. it was the first time the two of them were in the same room since trump's wedding. ( laughter ) it took place right here in new york, on the aircraft carrier "intrepid." it was a great night. once the two of them were on b
Jul 5, 2016 11:35pm PDT
radcliffe, george lopez, and a musical performance by hinds. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! thank you very much! thank you, everybody! thank you very much. hey! hey! hey, up there! what's up? thanks, everybody. welcome. ( cheers and applause ) welcome to "the late show," everybody. thanks so much, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to "the late show". i am your host stephen colbert. and, it's a very exciting day, because today, in our nation's capital, washington, d.c., they held the final presidential primary. we made it! ( cheers and applause ) we made it through the beginning of the election! there are five more months. this was probably the last chance to see bernie sanders' name on a presidential ballot, and he's going out standing on principle and refusing to pander. >> the major point that i will be making to the citizens of the district of columbia is that i am strongly in favor of d.c. statehood. >> stephen: yes. of course, d.c. statehood does
Dec 15, 2015 10:35pm CST
. speaking of jeb, america's fourth favorite bush-- after george, the other george, and of course, the baked beans-- he has sent an e-mail to his supporters-- and this is true-- promising that as an early christmas present, if you give him $25, you won't receive any rest of the year. it's a political strategy borrows from the mob: "hey, this is a real nice inbox you got here. i would hate to see something happen to it, if you know what i'm saying. gimme $25, and that problem goes away. i'm jeby the knuckles, and i approved this message." ( cheers and applause ) so, anyway, i am definitely watching the debate tonight, and we'll be talking about all the candidates tomorrow, unlike cnn, who didn't even name the last five candidates in their ad. trump, carson, rubio, cruz, bush and the rest, here on c.n.n.'s but that's tomorrow, because we already have a great show for you tonight. ( cheers and applause ) tarantino. ( cheers and applause ) his new movie is called "the hateful eight." that's the united states title. in europe it's called "a royale with cheese." i'll also be talking with the
Sep 12, 2017 11:35pm EDT
down. i wonder, is it george washington next week, and is it thomas jefferson the week after? you know, you really do have to ask yourself, where does it stop? >> stephen: okay. "self, where does it stop?" i'm going to say it stops at the people who tried to destroy the country that george washington and thomas jefferson founded. but i'm just spitballing. i'm just-- that's just me. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: i think you got it. >> stephen: i don't know. let's be fair, jon. you have to be fair, jon. >> jon: no, that's pretty fair. >> stephen: then trump continued to attack-- and i can't believe i'm saying this-- george washington. >> george washington was a slave owner. was george washington a slave owner? >> yes, he was. >> so will george washington now lose his status? are we going to take down-- excuse me. are we going to take down-- are we going to take down statues to george washington? >> stephen: spoken like a guy who's suspiciously worried that racist presidents don't get statues anymore. ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) ( applause ) "are we gonna-- what do i? do i get
Jan 27, 2017 11:35pm EST
crazy as a loon. ( laughter ) so my poor husband george stephanopoulos. has to live with a seething cauldron of hormones at all times. so i've suggested a one-bedroom apartment on the upper west side, and he can come for sunday supper, and i say keep your distance, buddy. save your life. ( laughter ) >> stephen: the show they're doing on pop tv is called "nightcap." >> it is behind the scenes of a late-night talk show. >> stephen: that's what i was going to say. >> but you never meet the host. so whatever goes on out here is not as interesting as what's going on out there. >> stephen: nothing happens back there. >> uh-- >> we're all one big happy family. >> i believe the sound man just got me pregnant trying to mic me, first of all,. ( cheers and applause ) so there's-- >> yeah, sure. they're very happy for you. we're very happy for you. mazel tov, baby. mazel tov. >> wooo! there's a world of broken toys that works for you. you just don't know it. >> stephen: well, show business. it's show business. >> well, when you come out-- >> you don't do this because you're happy. >> no, you d
Nov 9, 2015 11:35pm EST
had a lightsaber battle with george lucas. yeah, it happened. it is the greatest thing that ever happened to my 14 year old self except it happened when i was 42. and there was a little hitch. here is what happened. before lucas' appearance on my old show, his people at industrial light and magic warned me that george does not call them lightsabers. he calls them laser swords. so during a commercial break i turned to george and i said hey, would you like to have a laser sword fight. and he said sure. and i was feeling pretty good about myself until the secretary before we came back on the air, george leans in and says, you them lightsabers. (laughter) and we're back on the air and i can't talk. you remember. and for the next five minutes, i'm just sitk there-- sitting there waiting for the cameras to go off to say i know they're called lightsabers. i was just calling them laser swords because that is what you called them in your first draft of the original script that was called adventures of the starkiller, episode one, the star wars, because i'm your biggest fan, please take me
Jan 5, 2016 11:35pm PST
, geneticist and molecular engineer george church. he says he may be able to bring back the wooly mammoth. i assume by breeding an elephant with a cashmere sweater. ( laughter ) and we'll have a performance british indie rock band foals. ( band playing ) -- speaking-- speaking of music, that soundust m be jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) where about to-- we're about to start the show but before we to, one more thing-- new research found late-night snacks have a netive impact on memory. and if you weren't eating right now, you would remember that tomorrow. >> tonight, stephen welcomes john krasinski. rapper and activist killer mike. genetic engineer george church. and a musical performance by foals. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you. >> stephen: that's nice. i don't know if y'all ever watch the news. you guys ever watch, it? sometimes. they've got some good stuff on there. don't watch too much of it. and there's a big story that everyone is tal
Jan 7, 2016 11:35pm EST
got the greatest gift of all -- slightly fewer candidates. >> former governor george pataki is out of race for president. >> senator lindsey graham has >> stephen: yes, two more tributes have fallen -- longtime senator lindsey graham and three-term new york governor george pataki. they were both brought low by a shameful chapter in their past -- government experience. you did stuff, and that's just not done. bye-bye! and things started so brightly for south carolina senator and cabbage patch republican, lindsey graham. out of all 17 republican candidates, only graham had military experience, having spent over 30 years as an air force judge advocate general or "jag". it looked for a while that things were on for the jag. but now, it's jag off. (laughter) ha ha, wordplay! from day one, lindsey was focused on national security. he even had a plan to stop isis -- triple our troop presence in iraq and send 10,000 american soldiers to syria entrenchment of a caliphate. to put that in a more popular way -- >> i would bomb the (bleep) out of 'em. >> stephen: yea! sugar daddy is going to bu
Dec 6, 2017 11:35pm EST
. my next guest starred as george washington in the original cast of "hamilton". he now stars on cbs's "bull." please welcome christopher jackson! ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> stephen: i'm used to seeing you in slightly more formal attire as washington. do you think, with would have gone on a talk show not wearing a tie, christopher jackson? >> maybe a crevat. >> stephen: dp you learn or get anything from george washington, because he was a man of great propriety. >> he was. i learned a lot of stuff. i learned when he was 14 he wrote-- he copied, basically, the rules of civility. >> stephen: are you serious? yeah. >> stephen: did you know that i had that? >> i was told there was-- >> stephen: one of my producers gave this to me and it sits on the back of my toilet tank in my bathroom. ( laughter ) i read-- these are the laws that-- these are rules that george washington wrote down. "shake not your had the, feet, or legs. roll not the eyes. lift not one eyebrow higher than the other. bedo no man's face with your spittle by approaching him too near when you speak. this guy had a-- >> sure. >>
Nov 11, 2015 10:35pm CST
singer-songwriter, george ezra. ( cheers and applause ) he will be-- beautiful voice. beautiful voice. beautiful performer. he'll be performing his song "blame it on me," unless we run out of time, in which case, hey, it's not my fault. oh, folks, you know what that is. that's jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) before these fellas pour some honey in your ear holes, one more thing: campbell's soup is changing some of its recipes to appeal to millenials. from now on, alphabet soup will be limited to 140 characters. tonight, stephen welcomes viola davis. physicist brian greene. and a musical performance by george ezra. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! >> jon: thank, everybody. thanks, everybody, thanks so much. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thanks, everybody. folks, we're just past halloween, which means we're about to enter the magical season of getting angry that there's not enough talk about christmas. jim
Apr 26, 2017 11:35pm PDT
, you can't do this! as george washington said to benedict arnold, "no fairsies, benny! you promised to be on our side. knock it off!" seriously! jason chaffetz, please, just grow a pair and tell us what flynn did. ( cheers and applause ) you gutless charles schulz rough draft. quick aside, quick aside. congratulations to greta on her new, show "for the record." if you remember, for years, her old show on fox news was called "on the record." because "for" the record, she no longer believes anything she said that was "on" the record. i look forward to seeing her future cnn show, "please erase the record." as a political outsider, it's taking donald trump a little while to get a handle on how stuff works in the nation's capital. but there's one piece of white house protocol that trump has mastered, because according to the associated press, with the push of a red button placed on the resolute desk... oh, god! what happens when he pushes the button? a white house butler arrives with a coke for the president. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) thank god. i was worried there.
Feb 8, 2016 11:35pm EST
trophy winner turned broadway actor, eddie george. (cheers and applause) four-time pro-bowler. but... if he can act like he's hurt, he might even have a second career as a soccer player. (applause) and we'll have a performance by hip-hop duo macklemore & ryan lewis. (cheers and applause) they're performing their song "white privilege 2." what a coincidence -- that's also the name of my yacht. (applause) oh, that sound right there is jon batiste and "stay human". (cheers and applause) they're due to do the thing they do, but before they do, one more thing: researchers have developed an i.q. test for dogs. and if you're willing to pay for it, it's also an i.q. test for you. (laughter) (applause) >> announcer: tonight, stephen welcomes bill o'reilly! n.f.l. and now broadway star eddie george! and a musical performance by macklemore and ryan lewis! featuring jon batiste and "stay human"! and now it's time for "the late show" with stephen colbert! >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! hey! (cheers and applause) hey! (cheers and applause) game ball. that's the game ball now. thanks, every
Nov 1, 2017 11:35pm EDT
been good. >> stephen: you left "hamilton" since then. you were famously king george iii in "hamilton." huge king george fans tonight. >> huge king george fans. >> stephen: do you miss it? now you're doing this great tv show "mindhunter" that everybody says is so great on netflix. but after you finish shooting, it's not like "hamilton," and you don't go back to your dressing room and beyonce is waiting there. it was, right? i talked to the cast members they'd be like, "oh, my god, barack obama is in my dressing room." do you miss that? >> it was a totally different experience. because like i said in "hamilton," we would have all these famous people coming back after the show. and even as king george, i was only on stage for nine minutes. >> stephen: nine good minutes. >> nine good minutes, but it was a very social experience per me. the cast would come in, we would hang -- >> stephen: you got to hang backstage. while they're all rapping your hearts out-- >> i'm the white dude, just chilling in the background. ( laughter ) and then-- and then "mindhunter" was totally differen
Feb 15, 2017 11:35pm EST
maslaney. and author george saunders. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) good to see you. hey! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome to "the late show,"" everybody. thanks so much for being here. i am happy to be your host, stephen colbert. let's see, so much to talk about tonight. i thought the show was going to be about one thing and then the other thing happened. so i'm going to talk about the third thing i didn't expect. ( laughter ) this afternoon, we learned that trump's secretary of labor nominee and suburban dentist you meet at the swingers party, andy puzder, has withdrawn his nomination. ( cheers and applause ) just to be clear-- withdraws his nomination. just to be clear. this is not a scandal. he says he just wants to spend more time with michaels flynn. puzder-- beautiful name by the way, puzder. musical name, puzder. ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) the c.e.o. of hardee's and carl's jr., was controversial for many reas
Oct 1, 2015 11:50pm EDT
them from jeb and all the georges, w, hw, p, boy and curious. (laughter) and you can't blame them. i understand why they keep hitting me up for the green, because these campaigns need a constant influx of money to pay for things like offices and phones and staff. so the staff will have an office where they can call you on the phone to ask for more money. so campaigns are constantly innovating new ways to pull in funds. howard dean pioneered internet fund-raising. george mcgovern was the first to raise money via direct mail and even george washington raised cash by being it. (laughter) and now i'm so happy to say comes another break through moment in campaign fund-raising. thanks to florida senator and sears portrait gallery sample dad marco rubio. rubbio a web site already features some great merchandise like a marco polo shirt, or a water bottle that says "water great nation" get it? it's water, because that pun is so tortured it's like being water boarded. but the fund-raising breakthrough on the rubbio web site is that for $250 you can adopt a rubbio staffer for a day. strings. i
Oct 27, 2016 11:35pm EDT
. >> yeah. >> and sort of couldn't accept the thanks. and george burns was sitting at your table. >> that's right. >> and i went over to george burns and i said "i wanna tell you how i admire you. and i've never met you." and so on. and he said "kid, are you" -- are you in the business?" and i said, yeah, i am. he said, "are you gonna stay in the business?" and i said "yes, sir, i think so." and he said "me, too." [ laughter ] >> he was only 94 at the time-- or 93. >> yeah, it was great, just great. >> how'd you get into acting? >> uh, well, i was a farm boy from kansas. and i wanted to know where the trains were going. [ laughter ] >> you just got the hell outta-- just decided to leave the midwest? >> yeah, it was-- i was in the dust bowl. the same period--yo >> yes. >> you were around there. >> yeah. >> and movies was a great light in a dark theater. and that was my first real contact with the outside. >> did you ever have any formal training? anybody in the family at all in the entertainment business? >> no family, no. but i later studied with strasburg in new york. and he was
Feb 10, 2017 11:35pm EST
learned minutes ago, this is true, that the 9th circuit court of appeals has ruled that george and amal clooney are having twins, everybody. so exciting, so exciting. >> jon: that's really nice. >> stephen: first jay-z and beyonce, now george amal. so exciting, next year they will fight in a pit, all for charity, obviously. doctors aren't telling us anything about the sex of the children, l takingly beautiful. also, and this is actually true, just moments ago the 9th circuit court has ruled that it is refusing to reinstate trump's travel ban. (applause). >> stephen: so things-- so things are staying the way they are. for now. and we'll have more on this story as nothing continues to happen. now now let's go back to pretending it's friday. everybody ready for the weekend, you guys? so ready. there's nothing like a friday crowd, you know, you know who could really use time off, high white house pretion secretary and how school wrestling coach you never thought you would run into, sean spicer, he has had a rough couple of weeks. for one melissa mccarthy ripped him a new spice hol satu
Oct 31, 2017 11:35pm EDT
that won't stop asking you if "you party," george papadopoulos. and here's the thing: papadopoulos was secretly arrested by mueller months ago, and since then, has turned state's evidence, working for mueller as a "proactive cooperator." yes, "proactive cooperator." that sounds like a fancy name for a cheap date. but what does it mean, jeffrey toobin? >> what this says to me is that papadopoulos, between july and october, was wearing a wire. >> stephen: ooh, papadopo-licious. ( laughter ) needless to say, the white house folks were caught with their pants... crapped. ( laughter ) as one senior republican put it, "the walls are closing in," and "everyone is freaking out." oh, are they? do they wake up every morning feeling overwhelming dread that something terrible is happening in our country that they have no control over? i have no idea how that feels... if i drink enough. ( cheers and applause ) welcome to the club! but this morning, donald trump rummaged through the "take a lie, leave a lie" tray and came up with this: "few people knew the young, low level volunteer named george, wh
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 911 (some duplicates have been removed)