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Search Results 0 to 49 of about 692 (some duplicates have been removed)
Dec 5, 2016 11:37pm CST
, whether you believe in them or not. in china, trump has long promised to do things differently with china if elected. for example, there was the time the chinese government failed to provide president obama with the customary red carpet stairs to and trump said if that happened to him, he would immediately turn the plane around and leave. >> they won't even give him stairs, proper stairs to get out at the airport. you see that? there are pictures of other leaders that are going there. and they're coming down with a beautiful red carpet, and obama is coming down a metal staircase. if that were me, i would say you know what, folks? i respect you a lot. let's close the doors, let's get out of here. staircase. and, based on the entrances he likes to make, china better also buy a smoke machine. [ light laughter ] sorry, i forgot. china is a smoke machine. [ laughter and applause ] but whatever your thoughts are on china, it's a delicate important relationship. for example, we need their help dealing with north korea's nuclear weapons program. so any action that china might see as provoca
Apr 7, 2017 12:37am PDT
president of china at his mar-a-lago resort. and things got off to an awkward start when trump said, "i thought you were really funny in the 'hangover' movies." [ laughter ] that's right, president trump today met with chinese president xi jinping. trump asked him how to pronounce the name. and then he said, "no, i meant the name of your country. is it china? [ laughter ] because i'm getting a lot of mixed signals on that." [ cheers and applause ] during president trump's meeting today with the president of china, they discussed everything from north korea and south korea to, at trump's behest, east and west korea. "they often get overlooked." [ laughter ] according to a new report, new york has a higher tax burden than any other state. but she's still refusing to move. [ laughter ] just tough it out. they got the money, tough it out. [ applause ] today was national tell a lie day, which is a very cool and fun thing. [ laughter and applause ] today was running out. i had to get one in there. skin care brand nivea apologized this week for an ad created to promote their invisible for blac
Aug 10, 2017 12:37am PDT
took the card. [ light laughter ] but we all know it was china." [ laughter ] yet, while most of trump's advisers try to get him off twitter, others are encouraging him to keep using it, even in situations like the north korea crisis, where it could make things worse. assistant to the president, sebastian gorka, for example, was asked on fox news how the u.s. could get china to help with north korea. would they would use trade policy as leverage? or maybe vote at the united nations or some behind-the-scenes diplomacy? gorka had a slightly different suggestion. >> what card left do you have to get china to act? >> we have, you know, the president's twitter feed. [ laughter ] >> seth: but the twitter strategy does not seem to be working on china so far. after trump complained in a series of tweets about china's unwillingness to stop north korea's weapons program, china responded by calling the tweets, quote, "emotional venting." china now treats our president the way parents treat a 16-year-old who won't come down for thanksgiving dinner. [ light laughter ] "i'm sorry devin isn't h
May 21, 2015 12:36am PDT
feel shame. >> i was embarrassed. [ laughter ] >> seth: you've been to china a bunch. first went to the olympics. and now how many years in a row have you gone? >> since 2008 on. >> seth: oh, wow. so every year since 2008? >> every year since, yeah. >> and obviously yao ming made china huge basketball country. when you went over the first time, were people super excited to see you? >> well, so we get off the plane and like fans, as we're walking, they're rushing us. i'm in the front. and i'm like, "yeah, you know, here we go." [ laughter ] and they just kept going right past me. and they went like kobe was like the biggest -- he was like the beatles in china. and they just kept running past all of us. lebron, all of us and just went right to kobe. so whenever we would be out and about, fans would rush us and we'd be like "kobe." and they would go that way. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, wow. >> yeah, it's fast. but we since then built all individual brands out there. and now it's pretty special. >> seth: how long, do you go for a week when you go? >> i go for two weeks. i'm a brand ambassado
May 2, 2017 12:37am EDT
whom america fought in the civil war. [ light laughter ] wait, i know this one. was it china? [ laughter ] that's right. president trump questioned why america fought the civil war. you know, at this rate the only way trump is going to get a second term is if he's held back. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] all f's? i flunked everything? [ cheers and applause ] i got a b-plus in phys ed. [ light laughter ] president trump published an op-ed in the "washington post" on saturday to promote the accomplishments of his first 100 days in office. but in retrospect, he probably bought a little too much space. [ light laughter ] southwest airlines has announced it will no longer overbook its flights while united says it will now match up flight attendants and passengers by weight class to make for fairer fights. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] good progress. according to the reuters, president trump has a button on his desk that he uses to order a coke. of course, he thinks it orders a nuclear strike but once he gets the coke in his hand, he forgets what he was so worke
Aug 25, 2017 12:37am EDT
did they like beijing? >> i mean well beijing -- china is amazing. i mean, it's so incredible and i was lucky enough to bring my kids. we went to the great wall. we went to the forbidden city. we, you know rode in a rickshaw. and when we were leaving i turned to my 5-year-old and i said, "what was your favorite part of china?" and he said, "i like the time we the truck with the pigs on it." [ laughter ] because at one point we were stuck in traffic and this truck pulled up with pigs in cages. that was his favorite part. [ laughter ] after the 15-hour flight, and i remember seeing those pigs in the truck and noticing that they seemed very happy, but i realized they were just looking at me and my five kids and going, "well, at least i'm not that loser." [ laughter ] you know? >> seth: your kids were sort of instant celebrities in beijing. explain. i'm not -- i might look chinese, but i'm not. [ light laughter ] and my children are pale and blond like me. and so they stuck out. and the chinese were very nice. they're very nice, but many times people would want photos with my kids. they
Jan 2, 2016 12:37am EST
paris, and the failed climate change summit in copenhagen in 2009, is that six years ago china -- one of the world's largest polluters -- did not see climate change as a problem. and now china can't see anything, because they live inside the belly of the smoke monster from "lost." [ laughter ] so with china on board this time, leaders from 196 countries were able to agree on an ambitious set of goals for cutting greenhouse gases. but that's not to say there aren't flaws in this plan. there's no enforcement mechanism. a point secretary of state john kerry was asked about on "meet the press" this weekend. >> there seems to be no mechanism for getting countries to comply, other than wagging your finger at them and shaming them. am i wrong? >> well, that's the most powerful weapon in many ways. [ laughter ] >> seth: and there's no, no weapon more powerful than the bony, ichabod crane finger of john kerry. "stop your carbon, sir!" [ cheers and applause ] "stop it!" the agreement is not legally binding. but for the u.s., it couldn't be, because if it was, it would have needed the approval of c
Oct 14, 2016 11:37pm MDT
in china. [ light laughter ] hillary clinton returned to the campaign trail today and told reporters sitting at home was pretty much the last place i wanted to be. said bill, "we have so much in common." [ laughter ] donald trump taped an episode of "the dr. oz show" yesterday. "big deal, i tape it everyday," said jeb. "i'm just kidding. i watch it live." [ laughter ] when asked by dr. oz this afternoon who he sees when he looks in the mirror, donald trump replied, "i see a 35 year old." a 35-year-old jack-o-lantern? [ laughter ] today and said "he stays healthy on the campaign trial by getting up there and using a lot of motion." yeah, but you know who is never in great shape? the guy who parks really close to the gym. it was announced on "the dr. oz show" today that donald trump's testosterone levels are high. though i don't know if we can trust that, because so is his doctor. [ light laughter ] yeah, man, you're good to go. hillary clinton said in an interview this morning "that donald trump has willingly aligned himself with right wing fringe group and every deplorable thing they
Apr 2, 2014 12:36am PDT
, "put that thing away for china." [ laughter and applause ] they have a different problem, in china. the spice girls, this is exciting. the spice girls are considering touring without victoria beckham, who earlier this year said she no longer wanted to perform with the group. i wish she would just tell us what she wants. [ light laughter ] what she really, really wants. [ laughter and applause ] does she want a zigga zigga? as soon as she does, i will do that. i just need to be told what that means. this is just sad. during this show put on for china's fashion week, three different models fell on the runway. there goes my bracket, said tim gunn. [ laughter ] i have a feeling i'm going to win you back. [ laughter ] that's right, three different models fell on the runway during china's fashion week, proving it's really hard to walk and make clothes at the same time. [ laughter and applause ] and finally tonight, the nfl has announced a new app that would allow users request cheerleaders to visit their seats during the game. the app is called "no." [ laughter and applause ] ladies and
Jan 27, 2016 12:37am EST
shanghai for the premiere. >> yeah, we went to china with jack black. >> seth: with jack black. >> which we've never -- when you do these animated things you don't work together, you know, we don't have any interaction. >> seth: of course, you're not actually acting. >> we're just in a booth. we're not actually acting at all. >> seth: not at the same time. >> no, we aren't. but we are, but we're not and we're not together. but we go and we meet each other on these press tours. >> seth: right. yeah, you're like, "hey, i was the other panda." panda too." >> cool. [ laughter ] basically, yeah. and everybody is like, did you guys have fun working together? we're like, "yeah." >> seth: so that's where you do >> and then we start acting. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh my god, we had so much fun together. >> the chemistry was immediate! [ laughter ] but, no, jack and i -- first of all, he is everything that you would think he is and more. he's a great guy. and then going to china with jack black is like a whole other thing. >> you know? because he's definitely putting -- you know, like jack
Nov 24, 2016 12:37am EST
china, but a major chinese bank currently pays for office space in trump tower. meaning that, the president of the united states will be united states' largest military and economic rival. now, to be fair to trump, he might not have realized the bank is actually owned by china. what's the bank's name? "the bank of china." [ light laughter ] "i thought it was the plate kind of china. [ light laughter ] you know, like a bank for your plates. [ light laughter ] you would deposit plates, and then if you had a dinner party, you would take out -- the number of plates for the guests you had. and then if you didn't have room for the platest the plates. [ light laughter ] i can't believe this. they're a chinese bank." so we keep getting more reasons to worry that trump could use his office to benefit himself, and yet, in spite of all this mounting evidence, that trump's sprawling business empire could pose a massive problem for his presidency, he continues to insist everything is fine. >> donald trump told "the new york times" the law is on my side. the president can't have a conflict of i
Sep 29, 2016 12:38am EDT
china. [ laughter ] >> seth: no it's definitely russia. although how do you say china again? >> china. >> seth: that's really hard on the ear. >> china. >> seth: stop it. [ light laughter ] secretary clinton, a science question for you, is it possible that there are life-like humanoid robots that are so realistic they're living among us right now, and we can't tell? >> of course, we are 5% of the world's population. [ applause ] >> seth: mr. trump, apple has been taking a lot of heat lately over the fact that their new jack. how would you fix apple? >> i will bring back jobs. [ laughter ] >> seth: you will bring steve jobs back to life? >> it's going to be a beautiful thing to watch. >> seth: are you sure? [ light laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: secretary clinton, a question about romance, what would be the worst pose you could ever go on? >> taking out bin laden. >> seth: okay that makes sense. secretary clinton how do you feel about the fact that trump exclusively dates younger women? >> today is my granddaughter's second birthday so i think about this a lot. [ laughter ]
Sep 16, 2017 12:37am EDT
-- jake tapper. star of "top of the lake china girl," actress gwendoline christie. music from gary clark jr. featuring the 8g band with allison miller. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night," how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is great to hear. in that case let's get to the news. former first lady michelle obama dressed up as beyonce to celebrate her birthday this weekend and not as barack thought, to celebrate his. [ light laughter ] according to bloomberg, president trump's allies are worried about the resignation of his personal bodyguard and aide, keith schiller. because they say schiller is trump's emotional anchor. oh, when was he resigning? 30 years ago? [ laughter ] seriously, this has been the emotionally anchored trump? [ light laughter ] what's the unhinged trump going to do? build a lair? [ laughter ] former president obama today criticized president trump's decision to end the daca program. of course, the only reason trump wants to end it is because he thinks
Jan 31, 2017 12:37am EST
land. i'm going to keep flying! do you want to go to china? let's go to china. i can do this. i'm feeling good. i'm feeling good. you refuel. i'm going to china. whoo! [ laughter and applause ] psychologists recently revealed phrases that people in a relationship should not say to each other, including comparing a partner to their mother or suggesting a partner should have campaigned more in wisconsin and michigan. [ light laughter ] [ audience oohs ] hey, it's in the past. get over it! [ light laughter ] two new hampshire burger king employees were arrested last week, after selling marijuana at their drive-through. which is crazy. who goes to burger king before they get weed? [ light laughter ] this next joke i've never been more confident, or excited, to tell the joke than the joke. and i hope i'm not ruining it, by overselling it, but man, oh, man, you guys are about to get a real a-lister. [ light laughter ] a dental student, i think, the thing is, it's going to be one of those jokes you take with you the rest of your life. [ light laughter ] and it might not get its biggest l
Sep 27, 2016 11:37pm MDT
be china. could also be lots of other people it also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, okay. >> seth: wow. trump is so superficial he even fat shamed a dude he just made up. [ laughter ] "china." why does he say it like that? could be russia. it could be china. [ laughter ] but maybe the most insane answer trump gave was his answer on cyber warfare. tendency to get lost in trump's showmanship, his performance, so we've been doing something on the show lately where we read his answers rather than watch him say them. so i'm just going to flatly read to you trump's answer on hacking and the topic of cyber warfare. these are his words. quote, when you look at what isis is doing with the internet they're beating us at our own game, isis. so we have to get very, very tough on cyber and cyber warfare. it is. he's 10-years-old. he has computers. he is so good with these computers. it's unbelievable. the security aspect of cyber is very, very tough. we are not doing the job we should be doing but that's true throughout our whole governmental society. we have s
Aug 27, 2014 12:36am EDT
obviously a hat and an eye patch. wow. it's made in china. [ laughter ] so if people are watching from china, thank you for making this. [ light laughter ] [ bizzare accent ] hello. hello it is ferst time. make english words. i am look good make me open it plastic package with camera memory card. and plastic. scissors go here. [ light laughter ] so alert to no open plastic memory card package camera. >> what do you think is mankind's single greatest invention? [ bizzare accent ] >> class one is verb, and noun -- [ laughter ] class two is colors blue -- [ laughter ] yellow. this question -- [ laughter ] ask again. [ laughter ] >> what do you think is mankind's single greatest invention? >> is two. [ laughter ] there was no one word that -- blue. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i feel so bad for whoever was listening to that on bluetooth. we will be right back with more "late night" after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [rob] so we've had a tempur-pedic for awhile, but now that we have the adjustable base, it's even better. [evie] i go up...heeeeyyy... [announcer] discover how tempur-
Jan 14, 2017 12:37am EST
laughter ] now let me see i guess that would be your problem. [ cheers and applause ] china last week -- china last week seized a u.s. navy drone submarine from international waters in the south china sea, which was a real bummer for the guy operating it. [ laughter ] i got bad news. i got bad news, barak. i took out the drone. i know you told me not to but the chinese got it. oh, that's all right. that's their problem. the chinese government said this weekend that it will return the u.s. naval drone submarine that it captured last week. it's how they told us that is surprising. [ laughter ] in bed. nursing home facilities have reportedly been using robotic therapy cats to sooth their residents. said nursing home residents, screw that, i want weed. robot cat, this is terrifying. [ laughter ] and finally the price of gold increased today after falling to its lowest level in almost a year which can only mean one thing. trump is remodeling his bathroom. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen we have a fantastic show for you tonight. she is nominated for a golden globe,
Nov 3, 2015 11:37pm CST
" inspired theme parks in the united states and china. we already have one of those here in new york. it's called laguardia airport. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight! she is the star of "mom" on cbs, now in its third season. the lovely allison janney joins us on the show tonight! [ cheers and applause ] he is one of the stars of amazon's new show, "good girls revolt." hunter parrish stops by the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and they are two of the foremost experts of soccer here in america. the men in blazers are back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] they call it "football," we call it "soccer." we'll find common ground this evening. now, you guys, moving on. these days sang terms are evolving so fast that sometimes it is hard to keep up. so we here at "late night" decided to give you a little primer in a segment we're calling "seth explains teen slang." [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our first slang term is "thirst trap." [ light laughter ] now, many of you have probably seen this used on instagram. so, what does it mean? well, it's a
Nov 1, 2014 12:36am EDT
turn on the gas and load her up. first up, china. congrats, china. it was just reported you now have the world's number one economy. you should put that on a mug made by the children in your factories. [ laughter ] anyone could have a good economy without labor laws. without them you're cheating. just like you did at the olympics in women's gymnastics. [ laughter ] we all know those were children. at least they got a day off from the mug factory. [ laughter ] hey, china, is that smog i see? no, it's smoke, 'cause you're burnt! [ applause ] hey, light jackets, when am i supposed to wear you? your ideal functioning temperature is between 65 and 66 degrees. [ laughter ] any warmer and i don't need you. any colder and i'm going to bring out the big guns. listen, i've bought jackets, i've worn jackets, and light jackets, you're no jackets. what you are is a $70 cape with sleeves that i wear two days a year. light jackets, i may be chilly but you, you're burnt! [ applause ] cdc director thomas frieden, i know people are a little too scared about ebola, but can you be a little more scared?
Aug 26, 2015 12:37am EDT
good. he's his own man. "i'll tell you what i'd do to china." [ laughter ] "but not today." [ laughter ] "i'll see you at the debate." [ laughter ] this was kind of unbelievable, hillary clinton said this weekend that a lot of well-meaning, open-minded white people are still scared of young black men. here, let's take a look at a clip. >> seth: with fancy scientists --. [ screams and applause ] [ laughter ] >> seth: in -- in my defense, chris rock is not that young. hulk hogan is in trouble after video surfaced showing him using the "n" word during a sex tape. you know it's bad when a 61-year-old man makes a sex tape with his friend's wife and that's not the gross part. [ laughter ] north korea, you guys -- north korea news -- north korea -- north korea has been named the worst place in the world to be a christian. said jesus, "um, second worst." [ laughter ] new york governor andrew cuomo today announced a new plan to improve laguardia airport. that's right. they're going to burn it down. [ laughter ] a subtle improvement. they're going to burn it to the ground. [ applaus
Apr 5, 2016 12:37am PDT
typical work day. meanwhile the president of china has just introduced casual sundays. [ laughter ] i thought it deserved a little bit more but i think we're about right. that was about right. disneyland paris is temporarily shutting down its haunted house after an employee was found dead inside the attraction. but those last few customers really got their money's worth. [ laughter ] [ applause ] an artist has started painting murals around london and new york showing batman and superman kissing to promote lgbt equality. "this is how i find out," said robin? [ laughter ] [ applause ] "down the street like a dope, i gotta see a mural? " and finally, new simulator has opened in china that claims to show's its participants what dying feels like. that story again, china is finally getting chipotle. [ laughter ] [ applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. she's starring in the new play, "dry powder," at the public theater right now here in new york. claire danes is on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is the star and creator of "the carmichael show,"
Nov 12, 2014 12:36am PST
china right now, and president obama is facing criticism after he was seen chewing gum while walking to the meeting in china. president bush would have never done that. [ laughter ] but only because he can't walk and chew gum at the same time. [ cheers and applause ] here's a little good news. the fbi announced yesterday that the national murder rate is at its lowest point since 1968. [ cheers & applause ] also at his lowest point, "dateline's" keith morrison. [ as keith morrison ] "with all of the murders gone, what am i to report on?" listen to this, the mormon church said this week that their founder joseph smith may have had between 30 and 40 wives. and just to be safe, he started every conversation with "happy anniversary!" [ laughter ] this is alarming. a man in florida has been sentenced to six months in prison -- six months in prison for stockpiling weapons at a compound just 11 miles from disney world. 11 miles from disney world. so, in the parking lot? [ laughter ] i think that's -- [ applause ] i parked in thumper 94 once, and it was about a half marathon. you guys, there'
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 692 (some duplicates have been removed)