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Search Results 0 to 49 of about 772 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Dec 7, 2016 1:37am PST
. >> i always hate that i have to have my ties made in china. we can't continue to allow china to rape our country. china is ripping us off. they're taking our jobs. we want deal! china, china, china! >> trevor: chyyyna! ( laughter ) quick question, how are you going to fight a country when you can't even pronounce their name? chyyyna. chyyyna. sounds like a toddler who just learned the name of her private parts. chyyyna! chyyyna! chyyyna! that's where my ties come from! ( talking like a baby ) and, by the way, why do donald trump's suits fit so poorly? i don't understand why they fit like this. they're made for you and by you! why would they fit so badly? i wouldn't be so shocked his suits fit like that because he exaggerates his measurements to his tailors. no, my arm's this long! ( laughter ) since the '80s, trump has been itching to pick a fight with chyyyna. even though it's 44 days till he officially takes office he's already started (bleep). >> in an unprecedented move mr. trump took a call from taiwan's president, breaking tradition. >> calling it a blunder. >> phone call touch
Comedy Central
Nov 6, 2015 1:34am PST
, toys probably made in china, a place where having a sibling hasn't been an option till now. >> chinese couples now have official permission to have more babies. the government got rid of its highly unpopular one child policy and said couples can now have two children. >> finally, china is catching up to the rest of the world! for years while we were watching 19 kids and counting, china could only tune into one one. (laughter) now, additional children isn't just good news for china's struggling seesaw markets. it's a huge shift overall. for 35 years, to control population growth, the chinese government permitted each family to have a maximum of one child. no siblings, which means an entire generation without aunts or uncles. which isn't fair. without aunts or uncles, who will get too drunk and make a scene at chinese thanksgiving? (laughter) you think they don't have chinese thanksgivingle? that's racist. it's true but also racist. the one child policy in china wasn't just a suggestion. it was a law. the families who broke that law paid a hefty price. >> many families were a
Comedy Central
Nov 14, 2017 11:00pm PST
us, the respect that japan and china and south korea in particular because we went there, it was like nobody i think has probably ever received, i've made a lot of friends at the highest level from the moment we walked off the lane and back on to the plane. vietnam treated us incredibly as did, the philippine we just could not have been treated nicer. >> how can one man be so simple. you realize they have to be nice to you. you're the president of the united states. what, you think you're going to be walking around and people will be smacking your hands for touching thing. like hey, you break you buy. because you realize, for the president, this trip wasn't about policy or trade, it was just about the likes. that's all he want. he may not be a good president but he will make a gray instagram model. with his trip concluded it's worth taking a step back to look at how trump's policies towards asia are actually working. while donald trump is gaining friends, america is losing money and power. for instance, and he's very first week as president, trump pulled out of the transpacific partne
Comedy Central
Nov 10, 2017 1:40am PST
wind. and number three kleina. >> china has taken our jobs, our money, our base, our manufacturing. it's greatest theft in the history of the world what they've done to the united states. we can't continue to allow china to rape our country-- and that's what they're doing. and let me tell you, it's them that's the problem! are they going to treat us fairly and treat us justly or it's bye-bye, bye-bye. >> "bye-bye." he sound like a racist teletubby. there's la-la dipsy, and then bing bong, mexican children, bye-bye! so if you saw trump on the campaign you wouldn't be crazy to think that he was going to go to china, kick down the door, grab their president. but for this visit, china was a step ahead. you see, for them, it was time for "operation beijing butter up. of the. >> in china, a lavish red carpet welcome for president trump complete with honor guards. on the motorcade route, excited school children waving american and chinese flags. >> donald trump seems to be seduced by the lavish red carpet state visit. >> we're having a great time. >> trevor: okay, first of all, i don't kn
Comedy Central
Apr 11, 2017 11:00pm PDT
happened a few days ago on fox news. - in the first presidential debate, china was mentioned 12 times. so we sent watters down to new york's chinatown to sample political opinion. - okay, first of all, let me get this straight. they say china in the debate, so you go to chinatown? in new york? so when they mention mexico, do you send someone to taco bell? chinatown is nothing like china. they got nothing to do with each other. that's like if they brought up women's rights, so i decide to go over to fox news to get some opinions! now, as dumb as that premise is, it is nothing compared to the idiocy that followed. and by the way, we haven't added anything to this. this is the original footage from fox news. [clichéd trilling "eastern" music] [boom] [pop music] - am i supposed to bow to say hello? - [speaking foreign language] [giggles] - i like these watches. are they hot? - jcpenney. $3.98. [laughing] - who you gonna vote for? clinton's wife has a name--what is it? - oh, man. - [laughs] - i forget it. - well, snap out of it! - do you know karate? - yeah, i know. - hit my hand. huh-huh-huh
Comedy Central
May 26, 2016 11:00pm PDT
because of the threat posed by militarily aggressive china which is seizing territory in both the east and south china seas. >> trevor: there is a big deal, obama selling arms to vietnam and only doing it because china is seizing territory in the south china sea. i love how passive aggressive world leaders are. they're never just, like, yo, china, cut it out! instead, obama is, like, vietnam, i have 34eus also -- china, are you watching? china! just wait. vietnam, i have some -- china, china! vietnam, i have some -- china! yeah, watch, some missiles for you! some missiles! (laughter) you know, politics aside, people, you have to admit barack obama is the coolest president ever. he really is. he plays basketball, he tells jokes. (cheers and applause) you know, he smokes. it's like as if the president were black. just something special. now he's leaving and looks like choosing his replacement is a lot harder than anyone expected because 2016 was hillary's presidency to lose. looks like that's exactly what she's doing. >> for the first time ever it is close. 43.3% to 43.2 -- >> the o
Comedy Central
Jul 28, 2016 9:44am PDT
china. >> trevor: i'm sorry, what? it's probably china? america is about to elect a president who treats foreign affairs like a game of clue? it's probably china with the computer in the library? what do you mean probably china? (applause) up to this point, up to this point nobody else had mentioned china. no one had mentioned china in connection with the e-mail hack. nobody. most people in a position to know said it's russia. but after about 30 minutes, donald trump then said this. >> we done even know who it is. i heard this morning, one report said they don't think it's russia, they think it might be china. >> trevor: i'm sorry, you heard this morning. you were the one who said it! how do you say that, oh, i heard, i heard this morning. i heard this morning, when i said it myself. you can't do that, sir, you can't do that. you can't cite yourself as a source. and you know how i know that, because someone said it earlier in this show. me, i said that. you can't cite yourself, it's like editing your own wikipedia page, what the hell is wrong with you. this is [bleep] is getting scary. i
Comedy Central
Oct 7, 2016 1:35am PDT
first presidential debate, china was mentioned 12 times, so we sent watters down to new york's chinatown to sample political opinion. >opinion. >> okay, first of all, let me get this straight -- they say china in the debate so you go to chinatown? in new york? so when they mention mexico, do you send someone to taco bell? chinatown is nothing like china! they have nothing to do with each other. it's like women's rights, i decide to go to fox news to get opinions. ( laughter ) as dumb as that premise, is it is nothing compared to the idiosy that followed. by the way, we haven't added anything. this is original footage from fox news. ♪ ♪ >> am i supposed to bow to say hello? ( speaking foreign language ) >> i like these watches, are they hot? >> j.c. penney. >> who are you going to vote for? >> clinton's wife. >> what's her name? >> i forget. >> snap out of it. do you know karate? >> yeah. >> hit my hand. oh, that's the spot... is it the year of the dragon? ♪ cravat -- >> no, it's actually the year of go (bleep) yourself! ( cheers and applause ) what the hell was that? hous
Comedy Central
May 24, 2016 1:37am PDT
one knows that better than donald trump whose brand of shirts is manufactured in china. yeah, so if you want america made trump clothing then you basically have to wear a bunch of his steaks, that is how it, was. it makes more sense than eating them, let's be honest am but let's back up a second. let's back up a second. because when done all trump says you're going to pay a 35% tax, you understand, he means you, the american consumer that is who ends up paying the tariff. it feels lick yesterday shoppers were pulling knives on each other to save ten bucks on a blu ray player, but now they are cheering. when everything from thoses country is suddenly one-third more expensive, trump is basically putting economic sanctions on america, you know, the sanctions the same thing the u.s. uses to cripple other countries that is basically trump's economic recovery plan. a plan that could actually deepen the trade imbalance, singt u.s. into recession within a year and lead to a trade war with china and mexico. this is a trade war. >> these dumbees say oh, well, that's a trade war. trade war! we
Comedy Central
Jul 15, 2016 1:35am PDT
korea has nuclear weapons. >> next our foreign policy. >> china. >> china. >> qaddafi in libya is killing thousands of people. >> go into libya, knock this guy out, very quickly. >> i disagree totally. we would be so much better off if qaddafi were in charge right now. >> i love mexican people. >> the hispanics love me. >> i will build a wall. >> this is a wall that is going to work. >> i don't know how people make it on 7.25. an hour. now with that being said, i would like to see an increase of some magnitude. >> wrong, wage toos high. i hate to say t but we have to leave it the way it with is. >> we're going to build a wall. >> it is easy sto be presidential. >> i went to the wharton school of finance. i'm like a really smart person. >> all he i know is what is on the internet. >> this is a wall that is a heck of a lot higher than the ceiling are you looking at. >> china. >> china. >> i love china a. >> i would drop a 25% tax. >> listen you mother [bleep] we're going to tax you. >> this guy say phillie dirty word, he should be ashamed and apologize. >> they lie. but we have our
Comedy Central
Oct 31, 2016 11:00pm PDT
the signal. where are you, man? >> i have been in china. as soon as trump won, i got on a plane and got out of here. i'm not dumb. you stayed in america this whole time? >> trevor: yeah, i did. >> you idiot. oh, man, things are great in china. we're all super rich thanks to trump's dumbass trade policies. the trade deal? >> trevor: so much better than nafta act of 2017. >> that was great for china. >> trevor: what are you going in the u.s. >> at trump's white house hotel and casino representing china. i'm here for america's annual yard sale since america went bankrupt. the lincoln my moral, smithsonian, tom hanks, checked out the liberty bell. there is a huge crack on it. i'm not buying a broken-ass bell. >> trevor: i think that's how it's supposed to be. ronny, there is billions of chinese people, why did they send you? >> because i speak english with a perfect american accent. >> trevor: i don't think you have a perfect american accent. >> that's what i told them. you look like (bleep). you should get a job. got to go. >> trevor: ronny, i wanted to ask you one more -- people, we c
Comedy Central
Jul 28, 2017 1:40am PDT
presidency isn't a ball, and this country isn't a china shop. >> trevor: well, actually, this country is a china shop. america buys everything from china. i bet if you turned the actual confident over it would say made in china. it sort of it. but i hear what you are saying. and you see those republicans, opposing sessions, they were explaining what donald trump has forgotten. on a pure political level, sessions is exactly the wrong guy for trump to mess with. and not because he's so powerful but because he of what he represents. before sessions joined his campaign, trump was a joke in washington. sessions didn't just bring his cookies to the campaign, he brought credibility. >> jeff sessions, who is legendary on immigration has now endorsed trump. >> the first sitting senator to get behind the billionaire's campaign. >> you get more from republicans, it becomes more and more his nomination. >> yeah. in other words, jeff sessions did for donald trump what dr. dre did for eminem. trust me, this crazy ass quite guy is the real deal, just trust me. sessions convinced the gop esta
Comedy Central
Jun 5, 2017 11:00pm PDT
policy ideas, looking for guidance, they're going to have to turn to china as the party that remains in this agreement. >> china is investing more in renewable energy than the entire electric sector in the united states. china, we've just given them the opportunity to lead the world. >> trevor: that's right, for decades, american's -- america's president used to lead the world, and now it's up to china. so donald trump may have saved a few coal jobs, but he's ended up outsourcing his own. we'll be right back. ( applause ) ♪ ♪since i came to know you baibe ♪i've been telling you how sweet you're.♪ ♪i've been telling you how good you're.♪ ♪please tell me how i look. ♪you look so good, fantastic man.♪ ♪ i just saved a bunch of money on my car insurhuh. with geico. i should take a closer look at geico... geico can help with way more than car insurance. boats, homes, motorcycles... even umbrella coverage. this guy's gonna wish he brought his umbrella. fire at will! how'd you know the guy's name is will? yeah? it's an expression, ya know? fire at will? you never heard o
Comedy Central
Jun 6, 2017 1:40am PDT
have to turn to china as the party that remains in this agreement. >> china is investing more in renewable energy than the entire electric sector in the united states. china, we've just given them the opportunity to lead the world. >> trevor: that's right, for decades, american's -- america's president used to lead the world, and now it's up to china. so donald trump may have saved a few coal jobs, but he's ended up outsourcing his own. we'll be right back. ( applause ) this is the new henry's hard sparkling. it's a lightly fruit flavored, under 95 calorie, spiked sparkling water. so now you can make the ultra light choice. henry's hard sparkling. the ultra light choice. why give it headlightsver on a like jewels? filled with them? a body that feels sculpted? why give it an interior where even the dash is cut and sewn by hand? it's simple: you can build a car. or you can build a cadillac. it's about time they gave left and right twix® their own packs. they got about as much in common as you, a mortician, and me, an undertaker. (chuckling) or you, a janitor, and me, a custodian.
Comedy Central
Aug 15, 2016 11:00pm PDT
tough on china but this guy is known for using his own clothing line that is made in china. >> thousands and thousands of stories. he has people that work for him and then he don't pay them. then he lowers them out of business. >> is he a smart businessman. >> he's a crook. >> but what does this guy know about big business. he is literally wearing a blue clar. sure they were right about trump making stuff overseas and not paying vendors but that doesn't mean he can't also help american workers. >> he will be tough with china. >> let's role play, you be donald trump, i will be china. i need you to be tough on me. >> the american people need to have-- . >> huh? >> we need jobs, i get it but i mean t just doesn't work for me. >> the negotiation with the chinese did not go well. look, the carrier workers just don't get it probably because they never had the privilege of working for the other guy without wrote the art of the deal, not tony schwarz. so i sat down with a hotel worker because she knows how great it is working for trump. >> it's very hard. we have a lot of discrimination. they vi
Comedy Central
Sep 7, 2017 11:31pm PDT
. north korea knows this. china knows this. the question everyone seems to be struggling with is why would he continue to create these nuclear weapons? what is the end goal of doing this? because the u.s. is not stepping down, it looks like. if anything, the u.s. is escalating, you know, its readiness. in would kim jong-un go, "i still want my nuclear weapons. >> one of the things people say is he wants nuclear weapons to keep us from attacking north korea. in fact, we never planned to attack north korea, and our allies, the south koreans, would say, "no, thank you." so there's no interest there in attacking north korea. so why does he do this? and the answer is he believes that if he can get the u.s. off the korean peninsula, stop being the ally of south korea, he could actually unify the korean peninsula. >> trevor: how do of do they work this out. it seems like a lose-lose situation. >> we have to work with the south koreans and japanese to assure them we are there. we have to sit down with the chinese-- and i don't mean sending them a tweet in the dead of night. ( laughter ) and
Comedy Central
Mar 17, 2016 1:37am PDT
. that's an amazing achievement. florida was so amazing. you lose $500 billion a year with china. we don't win at trade. china, everybody. we're going to win, but more importantly, we're going to win for the country. we're going to win, win, win. >> trevor: sometimes trump's speech seems as though it's loading in his mind as he's speaking. it's like it's buffering and then goes away. "we're gonna..., you know,... china, you know,, you know--" and you're probably like why did you edit the speech like that? because we wanted it to make more sense. here's the thing, trump's popularity has never been about sense. he's tapping into voters' frustration which he's not necessarily responsible for. donald trump didn't invent racism. trump didn't invent islamo phobia. and he didn't invent violence. all he did was put his name on them like he does with everything else. before trump-- . ( cheers and applause ) before trump, republican politicians played to voters' prejudices by masking them with polite-sounding policy talk about individual liberty and states' right. and trump, he just stripped t
Comedy Central
Apr 18, 2017 1:40am PDT
into a syrian air base. >> when you're with the president of china you are launching these military strikes. was that planned? >> we were finishing dinner, we're now having dessert, and we were having the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake you've ever seen, and president xi was enjoying it, and i said, we've just launched 59 missiles heading to iraq. >> heading toward syria. >> yes, heading toward syria. >> trevor: you know, i'm not going to lie, i've had some good-ass chocolate cake in my life, but never so good that i forgot which country i just bombed. ( applause ) what's even funnier is the idea of trump not just sharing a piece of cake with the chinese president, but it's how trump says the chinese president reacted. >> how did he react? >> so he paused for ten seconds, and then he asked the interpret tore please say it again. i didn't think that was a good sign. ( laughter ) >> trevor: you know what's great about this is president xi understands some english, but in that moment, trump made him doubt every sing english word he's ever learned. ( laughter ) he turned to his i
Comedy Central
Sep 7, 2016 1:40am PDT
weekend because he had to fly to china for his final "g-"2020 summit. they brush up on economics, learn each other's names, and it always ends up the same way, with germany giving france a wedgy. the french guy is having a good time-- "ha, the joke is on you, i don't wear underwear." and the german guy is like, "the double joke is on you. i wasn't reaching for your underwear." i'm sure big papi was glad hfs his final summit. it was not fun for him. first of all, talks broke down with russia. putin refused to agree to a cease-fire in syria. you can see there's no love lost between these two men. just look at this picture. look at this picture of their meeting. ( laughter ) yeah, that is-- i've never seen obama look like-- like, he's looked at trump and he's had a bit of a smile in his eyes. this is just-- wow. he does not like-- like, he's droang him with his eyes right now. they're like the the hidellswift of the g-20. that's what they are. and putin, you forget how small he is, as well. because we're so used to see vladimir putin in propaganda pictures. it's always him looking b
Comedy Central
Oct 8, 2015 9:00am PDT
take a trip to china. >> wow. >> right in front of me talking. there's a wind blowing and i know that's from the flag above me. oh my tour is coming to an end? >> yeah, great, i've always there for 10 seconds. and stand yeah, i saw the flag. i saw the sidewalk. i saw the great dune of china. it's like i don't have to go anymore. >> ronny, it seemed pretty impressive to me. it looked like you could reach out and touch that guy. >> exactly. just some guy. that's not my dad. >> trevor: why would your dad-- >> trevor, it's not all fun and games. there are also practical applications for virtual reality. >> virtual reality has been tried before in football. it has never worked until now. there are limits in college on how much time players can spend on the field. there are no limits to how much time they can spend alone with a virtual reality headset. >> we did it! we found another way to exploit college athletes. ( cheers and applause ) yeah great 3 yeah. now they can take a break from football practice with more football practice. come on. these guys get enough football already. the
Comedy Central
Dec 10, 2015 1:30am PST
right there it's u.s. europe, and the new top emitter china. >> trevor: oh, wow. the world, it remind me of, like, a lava lamp because in a few decades it will be gone. now, the u.s.-- ( laughter ) the u.s. europe, and china have all pledged to cut their carbon emissions, but here's the problem-- if we want to keep the earth from getting more than two degrees celsius hotter, the world can only emit a certain amount of carbon, and if we take the amount of carbon the u.s., the e.u. and china have pledged to emit by 2030, that only leaves that much carbon for the rest of the world. there's nothing left. it's like shopping at the scarf store after johnny death depp has been there. you work in l.a., johnny depp. why are you so cold all the time. for more we turn to senior climatology correspondent ronny chieng, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) so ronny this climate change thing is a mess. >> well, i don't know why everyone is so worried. i mean, climate change is actually make a lot of good things happen. >> one study suggests that the southwest and the great plains will face a so
Comedy Central
Jul 18, 2017 1:40am PDT
applause ) to talk about her new movie. but first, big trouble in actual china. >> winnie the pooh has reportedly been black listed in china. the crack drown may be related to past comparisons to xi jinping to the fictional bear. those comparisons began in 2013 during the chinese leaders' visit with president obama. a photo of president xi next to winnie the pooh was named the most censored image of 2015. >> trevor: i can't believe china is doing this. plenty of better ways to cren corps pooh. he doesn't wear pants. his pooh junk is out there like he doesn't carry. even porky wears laser. pooh just walks around in a wife playser like he's pauley from the sopranos. this is xi jinping's fault. it would have never happened if he hadn't gotten his head stuck in a honey pot! ( lauhter ) i'm glad the chinese government shut down this. the chinese bloggers are trying to make obama tigger. yeah, tigger. you don't think i get that because he's -- tall? ( laughter ) tigger, please. let's move on. this past weekend, this past weekend and this past week, we have been so focused, so focused on who
Comedy Central
Sep 5, 2017 11:00pm PDT
include china, which happens to be our biggest trading partner, too. >> trevor: man, donald trump is a genius, people. yeah, yeah, because anyone can threaten an enemy. but threatening this t two countries he needs most to have on his side is genius. trump is the guy in prison who proves he shouldn't be messed with by shanking his own friends. you want to go, north korea? check this out, china, mexico! that's right, i stabbed china and mexico and south korea, too! i'm loco, baby! you can't mess with me, man! ( applause ) it's genius. it's genius. by attacking america's allies, trump will terrify north korea into backing down -- or he's a total idiot and he's going to get us all killed. which one is it? we'll see. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) jeff... jeff... wake up. it's your turn to pick! i'll take antonio brown please. get your pepsi fantasy draft kit at buffalo wild wings, and you could host next years draft at nfl headquarters. ♪ [bees swarming] canelo be bold! ♪ come on canelo! be bold! ♪ b
Comedy Central
Oct 24, 2016 11:00pm PDT
probably seen this [ bleep ] on fox news. >> in the first presidential debate china was mentioned 12 times. so we sent watters down to new york's chinatown to sample political opinion. >> ok let me get this straight. they say china in the debate so you go to chinatown in new york? so when they mention mexico do you send someone to taco bell? chinatown is nothing like china. they got nothing to do with each other. that's like if they brought up women's rights so i decided to go over to fox news, to get their opinions! >> trump has been beating up on china how does that make you feel? >> this might come as a surprise but chinese americans do actually have genuine thoughts about this year's election. that's why i went to chinatown to speak to people in a language they understood: human. >> i'm from queens! >> as a muslim staring down the barrel of a trump presidency, its time for me to say goodbye to america. >> donald j trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of muslims entering the united states. what i want is i don't want them to come here. >> donald trump telling nbc new
Comedy Central
Feb 17, 2016 11:00pm PST
. >> and hois going to pay for it? >> china. it is pretty easy to make china pay for it. china will be paying for the wall. >> shouldn't mexico pay for the wall? >> mexico, sorry. >> it doesn't matter. one of those countries is paying for the wall. donald trump is inaugurated, becomes president of the united states, what's behind the wall. >> isis. >> where should we bomb isis? >> probably israel area, not necessarily there, but around the area. >> see, i think he's going to help with the isis? >> what's he's going to do with the isis? >> he can't tell us right now. if he tells everybody, the next thing you know somebody will copy what he says. >> they knew their trump. once i was under the big top, we were all grooving to trump's power play list, which included "tiny dancer" like 8 ( bleep ) times. hee wasted no time shining the spotlight on himself,. >> it takes gus to run for president, believe me. we've been number one in the polls every single week. i've been on the cover of "time" magazine so much lately. when i was on last week, i didn't even know they were putting me on the cov
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 772 (some duplicates have been removed)