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Apr 6, 2017 11:50pm PDT
two nations: the threat from north korea, the status of taiwan, and how to pronounce this: >> china. china. china. china. you know, china -- china -- china -- china -- china! >> stephen: you would think he'd know how to pronounce it, it's on the label of all his neckties. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: trump has been planning this meeting since the start of his campaign: >> i would not be throwing him a dinner. we've had this conversa-- i would get him a mcdonald's hamburger and say, "you, we gotta get down to work." >> stephen: that's also his idea of a great first date. "all right, you've had your big mac, now let's work on little donny." ( laughter ) it's salty, it's got the special sauce. ( audience reacts ) what?! what?! and oddly sesame seeds. ( audience reacts ) trump's going to the meeting feeling confidant on the way down to mar-a-lago. trump told reporters on air force one, "i think we've had one of the most successful 13 weeks in the history of the presidency." i don't know if it's the most successful. i can say it's not the least. william henry harrison died of pneu
Apr 25, 2016 11:35pm EDT
, food and broken hearts in china. you went to china to cook chinese for chinese people? >> yes, i wanted to know about my family's migration from china to taiwan to america. i thought, can i go back and be chinese and go back to the motherland? i went on the streets of china and we cooked chinese food for chinese people. everyone wanted italian food. in china they know me as the human pizza hut. they say, you're american, you must be able to make spaghetti and meatballs. for you the chinese food i make in america and see if this is accurate. >> stephen: did it past muster? they loved it but they said we can definitely see where this comes from in our culture, the roots are in china, but undoubtedly, you don't have to keep thinking about whether you are chinese, you are chinese. wherever you are, jamaican, puerto rican or chinese and you're born in america you're part of it. you can't be disconnected. whatever you do, it is chinese or jamaican or puerto rican, but it's in your own voice. i think that was the most beautiful thing is i can't help but be it. (applause) >> stephen: now, the s
Sep 29, 2015 11:35pm EDT
, tension in the south china sea, and chinese hacking attacks, president obama gave president xi a full south lawn welcome where the chinese president greeted every white house staffer by name and bank account. ( laughter ) and it was a landmark summit between our two nations, with the u.s. and china agreeing that neither country's government will conduct cyber-enabled theft of intellectual property. that is a huge step, but i will miss those chinese bootlegs of american movies. i really enjoyed their version of mad max, "clear day, little traffic." ( laughter ) their marvel superhero film: "inauspicious number of fantastics," and for the kids, ( applause ) but president xi saved his best announcement for last. >> the president of china announced a sweeping agreement today aimed at limiting greenhouse gas emissions. >> stephen: yes, china is limiting their greenhouse gas emissions, bringing them down from their current level of "infinite." of course, step one in lowering emissions is trading in their volkswagens. ( cheers and applause ) now full disclosure: i believe in global warming,
Oct 6, 2015 11:35pm EDT
expected to do "particularly well when it launches in china. the country's space program plays a key role in the film, a plot point that should help it attract crowds in the people's republic." oh, no, spoilers! don't tell me the plot point. i want to see it again. ( laughter ) but it makes sense that "the martian" would include a pro-chinese plot point because the chinese government only allows a small number of foreign movies into china each year, and after america, china is the number two biggest movie-going country in the world. and this movie is a natural match for china. because not only is the planet mars red. i believe it has more oxygen than beijing. ( laughter ) so it's only natural-- people are applauding for oxygen. so it's only natural for american moviemakers to try to please the cultural gatekeepers of the chinese government. they've been doing it for years. in the disaster movie "2012," humanity is saved because the chinese government had the foresight to build lifesaving arks. and in "gravity," sandra bullock the chinese space station. that movie did so well in china, she
Apr 17, 2017 11:35pm EDT
were with the president of china, we are launching these military strikes. was that planned? how did that come about that it's happening right then? because, right there, you are saying, a reminder here's who the superpower in the world is. people want to hear the answer to this. i have had -- i have watched speculation for three days now on what that was like. >> when did you tell him? >> but i'll tell you. >> before dessert? >> stephen: "when did you decide to bomb those people? before dessert? and what's the proper wine pairing with a cruise missile? a merlot? or something more desserty, like a sauterne? what are we talking about again? war? do go on." >> i was sitting at the table, we had finished dinner we're now having dessert. and we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you've ever seen, aaaand president xi was enjoying it. >> stephen: yes, they were eating beautiful chocolate cake. classic war story. reminds me of winston churchill's famous address to the british people -- >> we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall, nyum n
Dec 5, 2016 11:35pm PST
taiwan as being an independent nation because china views taiwan as a "renegade province." basically, it's like if "cheers" refused to acknowledge that "frasier" had become it's own show. ( laughter ) ( applause ) that's not you, right? okay. and for a variety of military and economic reasons, the u.s. has gone along with it since jimmy carter. now, since they both speak chinese, he wasn't sure which was which. so here's an easy way for donald trump to remember which china we talk to. sir, it's the one where they make your ties. ( cheers and applause ) that's easy. hey! did you like it? made in america. so it's kind of a big deal. in fact, the exchange touched "the most sensitive spot" for china's foreign policy. no surpise. donald trump has a long history of sensitive spot-touching, and -- ( cheers and applause ) when this blew up, trump explained it. tweeting: the president of taiwan "called me" today to wish me congratulations on winning the presidency." thank you! yeah, she called him! but how are all these rogue world leaders getting his private number? has he posted flyers all
Mar 22, 2017 11:35pm EDT
heat to his foreign-made competition. >> you got grills made in china. we got 50 cals made in america. this is 100% pure american badass. ♪ ♪ >> this is what we think of made in china. wooo! in your face, china! ( laughter ) >> stephen: in your face! that's right. kid rock hates chinese grills so much, he bought hundreds of the them just to blow them up. ( laughter ) although, just-- can we take a look at explosion again? ♪ ♪ so i guess the grills and the special effect comes from china. ( laughter ) but, you know, folks, this is why i love this man. this is more than just a commercial, since, as i talked about previously on this show, and this is true, kid rock is being floated as a potential g.o.p. senate candidate from michigan. so these videos are basically campaign ads, and here to respond is kid rock's potential opponent in that race, michigan hard rocker, friend of the show, the saginaw psychopath shriekin joe. thank you for being the the show. >> vote for me! i love michigan. kiss my lower peninsula. t-shirts available on line, xxl only! >> stephen: we all know
Jun 30, 2016 11:35pm PDT
going on vacation this summer, you may want to think about going to china because they've got disneyland there now. the new $5.5 billion disneyland park. this a huge cross-cultural moment. now that disneyland is in china, children there will have context for the toys they've been making. the park is already a huge success, but, apparently, a lot of names of disney properties don't translate well into chinese, so they had to make some changes, like renaming dumbo "little flying elephant," renaming frozen, "enchanted destiny of snow," and the "bibbiti bobbiti boutique" was renamed "colorful magical fanciful transformation. and mickey mouse is now chairman mouse. and it's not just china that -- mm-hmm. that's good. and it's not just china that renames things to something more culturally appropriate. i identify with this problem. because the "late show" is broadcast everywhere from prussia to siam. boy, we really need to update the maps in the writer's room. so i'm going to take you on a trip around the globe, and share some of the changes we have to make for international audienc
Oct 9, 2017 11:35pm EDT
academy we is school. >> yes. >> stephen: what is peking opera? >> a long time ago, in china, there was evolution, so many people escaped from china. in the morning, we're learning singing, then afternoon punch and kicking,. >> stephen: from opera? yes, and all kind of teacher, they come to our school. >> stephen: how old were you at this point is this. >> seven. >> stephen: seven? what kind of training? was it tough training? >> oh you just don't believe it. in the morning, with a cup full of tea, water, we run like this. you cannot spe spill is it wate. you spill the water, they hit you. ( audience reacts ) we're just walking like this and 1,000 punch and 500 >> stephen: and singing. and singing. ( laughter ) singing, summersault. >> stephen: you're literally a triple threat, actor, singer and punch you in the face. >> and doing the same thing at the same time. >> stephen: wow. was this meant to train you to go into martial arts movies or just a -- >> i don't know, because my father was, at that time, was in the american embassy in australia. and i was in hong kong in a boarding schoo
Aug 15, 2016 10:35pm MST
"crooked hillary." whoo! do "i prefer soldiers who don't get captured!" do "china. china! china!" that is way too hot to put in my pocket right now. ( laughter ) all right. now, near the end, trump paused and turned reflective. >> my dad, fred trump, was the smartest and hardest working man i ever knew. i wonder sometimes what he would say if he were here to see this and to see me tonight. >> stephen: i think he'd say, also, "how is that your hair? you were balding when you were 20." ( laughter ) doesn't make any sense. ( applause ) so-- it was a great performance. i got to give that to him. really fired up the room and finally answered the question, what if frankenstein's monster was in charge of the angry mob? in the end, i mean, final takeaway, was the speech angry? yes. was it filled with half-truths sure. but i have to admit, the song they chose to play at the end was a refreshing bit of honesty. >> ? you can't always get what you want ? >> stephen: we'll be right back! stick around! it might be something you'll be talking about tomorrow. ? ? ? t-mobile's coverage is unstop
Aug 12, 2016 11:35pm EDT
. these are beautiful ties. they are great ties. the ties are made in where? china? off-camera voice: ?china.? letterman: ?the ties are made in china." >> stephen: that's it for "the late show," everybody! good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ( cheers and applause ) ? are you ready y'all to have some fun ? feel the love tonight get your eggos and your waffles cooked ? you're about to take a ride ? on the late, late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from east germany, give it up for your host, the
Sep 22, 2015 11:35pm EDT
, what does it matter? come and get us, we have the army. >> you're right. >> stephen: what is china going to do? >> that's an interesting way of looking at it, i guess. we actually owe china $1.5 patrol which is amazing because they take our business and we owe them money and it's like a magic act. >> stephen: could we declare expwrups not pay them back. >> we have to do something. we have to do something. and we have to do it fairly quickly. you know when you get up to the $24 trillion, 23, 24, that's like a magic number -- >> really, what's the magic number of 23, 24? >> they say it's the number of which we become a large-scale version of greece, and that's not good. and we're very close to that number. >> stephen: wow, i don't like feta cheese. ( laughter ) ( applause ) you got the hat. let's talk about the hat. you got the great hat. it's called, "make america great again." >> it's a hot hat help the "new york times" did a story. >> stephen: the hat should be a running mate. >> i would like it. >> stephen: it should be trump-trump hat. 2016. but that implies that america is not
Dec 18, 2015 11:35pm EST
china aren't that familiar with the "star wars" movies. though they might be familiar with some of the toys. ( laughter ) spoiler alert. the elves don't make them! ( laughter ) got popular in china because the original "star wars" movie came out in 1977, when western media was suppressed in china. here's an actual quote from a 27-year old chinese man who was asked about "star wars": >> i can't remember the plot at all. is there a sword or something, that can suddenly light up and turn off for some reason? yes! i thought you said you didn't know the plot. but for any less-informed chinese viewers out there, let "star wars" is a story of a simple farm boy who buys two robots-- one looks like a garbage can. the other is programmed to be reason. i'm not sure why. the robots lead the farm boy to an elderly shut-in who tells him they must defeat a handicapped man who needs a full-body respirator just to stay alive. ( laughter ) then they meet up with a dog friend, who give them a ride to outer space, where the farm boy makes out with his own sister. then with the help of a mysterious force k
Jan 31, 2017 11:35pm PST
secure our border, china-- china, shall immediately and without hesitation send us their wall. done." boom. done, boom. done, boom. >> stephen: i understand, i heard-- >> china's wall, sent towrks boom! >> stephen: i heard the boom. >> done! >> stephen: i heard the done. >> stephen: how then do we get mexico to pay for it? >> this is the genius, stephen. when the wall arrives at the southern border, we shut the lights and pretend we're not home. it's c.o.d. mexico has to sign for it. done." boom. for editing purposes what do you want me to do with this. >> stephen: leave it right there. >> it's way too long and you're going to edit it. >> stephen: is it too long. >> audience: no! >> stephen: will make it longer? keep the hat on. >> no, no. >> stephen: the hat comes off. >> if you say continuity doesn't matter, (bleep) the whole thing. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: what is this? what is this? >> this next encyclical-- >> stephen: encyclical, jon. >> i do pronounce america finally has an official language. >> stephen: and i assume that's english. >> no, the new official language
Sep 14, 2015 11:35pm PDT
leader of the tibetan people who are fighting for independence from my good friends in china, ni hao, and would foil the plan of dalai lama who accepts china's presence inty bet and hopefully one who doesn't hang out with richard gere so much. (laughter) but china isn't take this sitting down cross-legged in a rock garden. no! in fact, they have repeatedly warned that the dalai lama must reincarnate, and on their terms! (laughter) hey! hey! you better take this seriously, dalai lama! because if you refuse to come back to life, they will kill you! (laughter) we'll be right back with emily blunt! (cheers and applause) ♪ wirethey're big, fast awesome. and dependable. and at net10 wireless, we let you tweet, text, talk and surf on those amazing nationwide networks without getting locked into a pricey phone contract. america's best 4g lte networks for a lot less. that's wireless your way. unlimited talk, text and data plans now start at $35 per month. android smartphones start at under $20. net10 wireless. ,, it's gotten squarer. over the years. brighter. bigger. it's gotten thinner. ev
Jan 14, 2016 11:35pm EST
think it's that barenaked ladies song: chikkity-china, the chinese chicken you have a drum stick and your brain stops tickin' our home and native land but cruz has his own snappy musical comeback. >> now ted cruz is saying donald trump, you know, is from somewhere even worse than canada: new york. >> i think he may shift in his new rallies to playin' "new york, new york." because, you know, donald comes from new york, and he embodies new york values. >> stephen: i don't like what he's insinuating about new york, that donald trump comes from here. that is just a nasty thing to say! but maybe ted cruz is misinterpreting trump constantly questioning his citizenship. as trump's campaign manager help." yes, he's trying to help. today it's "he was born in canada." tomorrow, maybe inserting him into old episodes of "degrassi junior high". besides, this isn't the first time the natural born citizen issue has come up in an election. in 2008, one candidate's unusual, possibly unamerican origins had a lot of people suspicious: john mccain. senator mccain was born in panama, on a u.s. military b
Mar 24, 2017 12:35am EDT
weren't only backpacking around, we were in beijing, china. >> stephen: okay, what year are we talking about here? >> how dare you. ( laughter ) that is rude! >> stephen: 2007. 2007. >> 2007, yeah, that was it. >> stephen: i just found out, you were an asian studies major? >> yes. >> stephen: with a focus in chinese? >> yes. ( small applause ) thank you! thank you, one person. thank you, thank you. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: yeah, did that come in handy? did the asian studies with a focus in chinese come in handy while playing rena? >> yeah, i have, i've played-- ( laughs ) especially when playing rena. no, but i liked studying chinese because i-- and studying in china because i felt like it allowed me to learn about the world, and about the people. and that's, you know, that's part of what being an actor is. >> stephen: do you still have any mandarin? do you have any... ( laughter ) ni hao. ( laughs ) that's it. that's all i've got. >> but actually, but the thing that's so sad, is that i was going to try-- i was going to say no, and i was like, well, i can say one thi
Mar 10, 2017 11:35pm PST
in china. ( laughter ). >> jon: whoa, whoa! >> stephen: this is true. and unlike these massages, the trump presidency may not have a happy ending. now-- so i hear. so i hear. ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: i don't know about that one. >> stephen: i've always known the constitution is tough on massage parlors. that's why george washington had to close "papa george's ye olde tannery and tug shoppe." ( laughter ) now, we don't really know his motives here. evidently, "many companies register trademarks in china to prevent others from using their. names." so we might not have the kind of president who opens chinese escort services, but we definitely have the kind who knows his name would be perfect for one. ( laughter ) there is also-- there is also a little bit of controversy swirling around trump's new head of the environmental protection agency, former oklahoma attorney general and bargain bin george w. bush, scott pruitt. he is a man who knows the e.p.a. extremely well, because he's sued it 14 times. and yesterday, pruitt made headlines for what he said in this interview. >> let me
Jan 18, 2017 11:35pm PST
all the time and they let me have the china room to vocalize in. >> stephen: you could shatter china. >> i was trying. i was just like-- but and then we got to meet them before we went out and i was with my son. it was amazing and my son and i talked about like what we would ask him. and my son said did you look like me when you were little. and he held his-- kind of like that famous picture they keep showing in the white house. >> stephen: the little boy asked. >> keeps reminding me of that. he said oh man, i wish my hair was as cool as yours, you are much better looking than i was. it was so sweet. and then, and then i said mr. president, i'm sorry, nervous, national anthem t is totally rehumiliating if you forget the words. he leaned over, i'll help you. oh, say can you-- . >> stephen: he has a nice voice. >> he has a beautiful voice, yeah. >> stephen: maybe he could, you know, go into, you know, wicked when he leaves office, something like that. is that still running? >> it's still running. yes, it's still running. wouldn't that be funny if our president just went into musical th
Aug 30, 2016 11:35pm EDT
china, his suits in mexico. so whatever you believe, trump agrees with you. i don'kn getting 100% of the vote. so, to win this election, trump is going to have to take every position on every issue other than obviously whether hillary should be president. >> she would be a terrible president. well, i know her, and she would make a good president. >> stephen: wow! he is a fant-terrible! ? ? the ford freedom sales event is on! our biggest event of the year just got better! ? ? announcing zero for seventy-two across the entire lineup of ford cars, trucks and suvs. plus, tagged vehicles now get a thousand smart bonus. m from interest... and freedom to choose with ford. america's best selling brand. ? ? now get 0% financing for 72 months across the entire ford lineup, ? never underestimate the power of energizer. nexium 24hr is now the #1 choice of doctors and pharmacists for their own frequent heartburn. for complete protection all day and night make nexium 24hr your #1 choice. e've addmy favorite part adjustable base, is to be able to lift your legs up a little bit, and it feels like i'
Sep 21, 2015 11:35pm EDT
goes he doesn't care. i guess he's not a nice guy after all. in china you were recently over there on a world tour. and you played a 12-year-old girl and you lost. >> correct. >> stephen: okay. you know that's exactly the sort of thing the donald trump would put in his speech, right. >> that is what i have her. >> stephen: china is beating our nba players. that's in the speech. you hung out with the president a little bit, was that dool? >> it was, he was at martha's vineyard playing golf on his vacation. i got to go. >> stephen: he didn't want to play basketball with you? >> he didn't. i was at the white house during february, it was snowing outside. so he got a rain check on that. but he switched to golf. so. >> stephen: did you win. >> i won head up. i'm not supposed to tell what his score was apparently so i will keep that quiet. but him and his partner ray allen beat me and my dad. it was my fault. i triple bogeyed the last hole. i did it on purpose but-- . >> stephen: which was more humiliating, lossing to the president or a 12-year-old chinese girl? >> got to go with the 12-year-
Oct 19, 2016 11:35pm EDT
" has been bought and recreated in china. ski understand they're married-- actually, the actors are actually married. and i haven't seen them. i haven't heard them. and if i heard them i wouldn't know. >> stephen: we have a clip actually. >> i would like to see how funny we are in china. >> stephen: use introduced your episode with "helen hunt."l means "wedding apartment." here's the latest episode. >> let's see if it's funny. ( laughter ). >> you know what? that plays anywhere? that's going to play anywhere. throw the flour on the head. >> stephen: flour ground from something else. >> a buddy of mine who worked on "mad about and supervised to the extent they would let him supervise. they took our scripts, translated them into chinese to see if they were doing a good job of it, they would translate it back into english. you would think it would come back the same. but somehow-- it's like when you change money, you get screwed on both ends. you know what i mean? how did i get lesmoney? apparently, comedy gets sucked out both ways. but i wish them luck.ou it's apparently a very big hi
Jul 31, 2017 11:35pm EDT
china. our foolish past leaders have allowed them to make hundreds of billions of dollars a year in trade, yet-- dot, dot, dot" ( laughter ) "dot, dot, dot, they do "nothing" for us with north korea, just talk. we will no longer allow this to continue. china could easily solve this problem!" oh, yeah, demanding another country solve your problems is classic leadership. in the words of abraham lincoln "a house divided against itself cannot stand. so when is canada gonna fix slavery already?" ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) but here's what makes this missile test especially scary. previous north korean missiles had the range to reach hawaii and alaska, but this new missile has "the range to hit chicago." but i lived in chicago for years, and i have a hard time believing chicagoans would be scared by this. for pete's sake, the cubs won the world series, they know the end is near. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) we've got a great show for you tonight. the world's sexiest man, matthew mcconaughey is here! stick around. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) buy one take one i
Sep 6, 2017 11:35pm EDT
products. "you like 'made in the usa' better? great, i'll have my factory in china crank out a bunch of those." ( laughter ) "okay, my ties, her shoes, the labels." and trump also referenced a recent conversation he with a foreign leader. >> i spoke to a leader of a major, major country recently, big, big country. they say our country is very big. it's hard to grow. well, believe me, this country is very big. >> stephen: "i'm not going to tell you which country it was, but it rhymes with braustralia. ( laughter ) and-- fun fact-- i'm lying. i didn't talk to anybody." ( laughter ) and if you're worried that donald trump doesn't have a real plan for the economy, that's fair. >> my administration strongly rejects this offshoring model, and we've embraced a new model it's called the american model, very simple, the american model. >> stephen: i'm not surprised. he is known for embracing american models. doesn't even ask. just grabs him. ( cheers and applause ) that's an goody. that's an olding-- that's an oldy but baddie. but by far, the most awkward moment-- and for trump that's a pretty h
Sep 12, 2017 11:35pm EDT
a bull in the china shop, but it'll be fine. we just hired a new china shop manager." and general kelly was there to witness the whole thing, seen here, overwhelmed with pride. this guy is a four-star general. iraq, no problem. afghanistan, we can do it. 20-minute trump press conference? a quagmire from which our country will never emerge. ( cheers and applause ) what do we do? what do we-- i don't... and here's the thing-- did not get great reviews. it did not get great reviews. david duke liked it. pretty much nobody else liked this press conference. and his star was very quick to throw the president under the bus. they were in damage control immediately with one aide telling reporters, "that was all him. this wasn't our plan." ( cheers and applause ) yeah, ours either. but they're right. it wasn't their plan. and we know this for a fact-- and this is absolutely true-- because their plan was a brief, written statement, and we got an actual glimpse of it when trump pulled it out of his pocket. and it says-- can we zoom in-- it says... now, trump never read this statement. but the
Sep 6, 2016 11:35pm EDT
didn't have a good weekend was president obama. he flew to china for labor day because he wanted to see where american labor went. and the president's there for his very last g-20 summit. so the next time he talks international economics, it'll be with a really bored person at a party. mr. president. those tariffs really sounded like a terrible idea. yeah. hold on one second. helen!" ( laughter ) if you ever have to better deal somebody at a party, just yell the name helen and walk away. nobody's going to say you don't know somebody named helen. there was a bit of a rough patch at the beginning of the meeting, let president obama get off air force one using the normal staircase, or "stair force one," god i hope it's called. so obama had to use a smaller metal staircase that folded out from under the plane. that's right, the chinese made him use the foldaway, the jennifer convertible of stairs. naturally, donald trump weighed in, because... ( laughter ) >> they won't even give him stairs, proper stairs. you see that? there are pictures of other leaders going there, and they're coming
Jan 13, 2016 10:35pm CST
. she's always stood strong... get the job done. hillary clinton. she stood up to china... ...and spoke out on women's rights... ...went toe to toe with russia on human rights. the drug and insurance companies spent millions against her... ...but hillary didn't quit until eight million children got health care. and i won't quit on you. she's got what it takes to do the toughest job in the world. i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ). this is humira helping to relieve my pain and protect my joints from further damage. this is humira helping me reach for more. doctors have been prescribing humira for more than 10 years. humira works for many adults. it targets and helps to block a specific source of inflammation that contrubutes to ra symptoms. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've
Nov 4, 2016 11:35pm PDT
america great again! gonna make america great again! gonna build a wall. gonna beat china! gonna beat china! how you gonna do it? i have no idea! listen, the number one thing i've heard trump supporters say, number one thing, "i love him because he says what's on his mind. he just says what's on his mind. he just says what's on his mind! you go, what, are your thoughts about his policies?" "i don't know about his policies. he just says what's on his mind." i thought that was the dumbest thing i had ever heard. until i went to visit my mother, an iranian lady. she fell for the line. she said, maz, i like this guy. he says what's on his mind. i said are you crazy. he's anti-immigrant. if he became president, they couldn't come and visit you. she said, "i don't like them anyway." ( applause ) yeah. a lot of immigrants actually like trump. a lot of immigrants get in this country and they don't want any more of them coming. i swear to god, i was in an uberwith an older armenian guy. this guy loved trump. barely spoke english, but he loved trump. he was trying to tell me what i great politi
Nov 10, 2017 11:35pm PST
in china as he continues his five-nation chip through asia. ♪ ♪ >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, trump's french faux pas. plus stephen welcomes: john mulaney. with a special appearance by jason segel. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: there is nothing like-- there is nothing like a friday crowd, man. there is nothing like it in the world. ( cheers and applause ) they're lit. they're electric. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. it's been a heck of a week. it's been an interesting five days. this week saw the one-year anniversary of donald trump's election. >> audience: booo! >> stephen: give him a chance. and we're still learning new reasons we shouldn't have done it. ( laughter ) for instance, we just learned-- was it today or yesterday? yesterday. we just learned of this strange phone call that donald trump made the day after the 2016 election to then-french president and ripe brie with glasses, francois ho
Nov 16, 2015 11:35pm EST
, western europe, iran and china have all condemned isis. the last thing that so much of humanity agreed on this much was that none of us would go see "the fantastic four." but, but the strongest call for an attack on isis comes from the world's leading expert on isis, isis. because according to their literature, isis believes the armies of rome will meet the armies of islam in northern syria which will initiate the apocalypse. so good news for everyone who had late november in the end of the world office pool. and it mietd sound crazy but remember in the town of meggido is are revelation says the battle of armageddon is going to be fought and it's only 90 miles from dam as kus. i learned that from the most disturbing snapple cap ever printed. (laughter). >> stephen: but with all the fear gripping the world, and we seem to be hurdling toward war, we can always look to the pope for a message of peace. >> pope francis saying the attacks were part of the third world war. >> stephen: great, thanks, frank. you're not helping. the pope is fallible on this one is nbc military analyst and congre
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