[ bleep ] with a small penis. >> bryan cranston looks like jim carrey impersonating matthew mcconaughey. all right, all right, all righty then! >> i keep forgetting that kiefer sutherland isn't dead. well, whoever wrote this, if it makes you feel better, it's not oh, yeah, and [ bleep ] you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's not very presidential. we have a good show tonight. music from jake owen, bill o'reilly is here, be right back with lupita nyong'o so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by pedigree. feed the good. on the road again ? n't wait to get [ girl laughs ] ? on the road again ? ? like a band of gypsies we go down the highway ? [ beetle horn honks ] no matter which passat you choose, you get more standard features, for less than you expected. hurry in and lease the 2017 passat s ma'am ma'am line starts over here ma'am. fall fashion purchase of $50 or more! first there's shaving. blades. sharp and precise. then gillette shielding. comfy lubrication before and after. and also cooling. oooh...
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