new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: ee-how. weirdest audience tonight. in china, your name sounds like (beep). well, in iowa they love it when you make fun of them. i really... i'm just going to stop asking them questions. seriously, in iowa-- and this is true. in iowa they are so hard up for celebrities there's a sign up that says, "home of the future birth place of captain kirk." is that true? i know that is true. you were thinking i was creating that to use hyperbole to create humor. (beep) true. let's move on. because i know the audience at home, they're like, oh, good, inside jokes. (sighing) anyway, welcome to the show. guest tonight admiral general shabazz aladeen, leader of wadiya, a small oil-rich autocratic state in, let's say, north africa. our new segment. international house of pander cakes. first up, russia where newly re-elected president vlade miles an hour putin... just go to the tape. >> i mean it's pomp and circumstance inside the kremlin. putin is sworn in as russia's president

york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey, welcome to "the daily show"! (cheers and applause) my name is jon stewart. got a good one tonight. we're going to have a visit. our guest is john hall. he is the dean of westminster abbey and i cannot wait to find out whether he is a hufflepuff or griffin dorr. (laughter) yesterday on this program... for those of you who watched, i don't watch this program, reasonable people can disagree. we e may have insinuated president obama was somehow being disingenuous in giving in to his most base political calculations by not just saying he favors same-sex marriage and equal rights for all americans. that his position is evolving is weak tea what we didn't know at the time is that he had planned this: . >> it's important for me to go ahead and affirm that i think same-sex couples should be able to get married. (cheers and applause). >> jon: there you have it. the president of the united states is gay. (laughter) friendly. gay

. >> putin has power illegitimately illegally come to power again. >> jon: what a nice man. he will be missed. moving west. see what happens when you combine disparate european countries with a variety of cultures and languages, one made-up currency, a global financial meltdown and a social safety net that offers workers 30 weeks paid vacation a year, workers retirement at 26 and chocolate. let's go europe. either the fault line between europe's ruling class and its denisons has just crackd open or manchester united has drawn with barcelona. yes, austerity has proven to be quite unpopular amongst the newly austere. it's effects are now being felt electorally. >> in greece the two main political parties center right and socialist parties who backed the bailout together won only about a third of the vote. voters rejected them both in favor of more extreme parties on the left and right. >> jon: interesting choice. rather than choosing a single path greece has gone with the by polar approach. >> the left wing party which has a very radical program and probably holds the swing votes in t

" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central show". my name is jon stewart. we got one tonight. our guest tonight ambassador ivo daalder which i'm assuming is just another sasha baron cohen character so. we're excited about -- actually the ambassador to nato. maybe he will bomb us. [ laughter ] tonight we begin some place very special. [ laughter ] submitted for your approval a small town near virginia maryland border. meet joe a simple fellow who speaks from his heart. his honesty is about to trap him in a terible place a place where straightforward sentiment is three days of (bleep). a place we call washington, d.c. [ laughter ] [twilight zone music playing] [ laughter ] i probably should have gone with like zone or vortex would have made more sense. anyway, last sunday vice president biden made an appearance on "meet the press" and was asked about gay marriage. >> i am absolutely comfortable with the fact that men marrying men, women marrying women and heterosexual men and women are entitled to the same exact r

comedy central's world studios in new york this is the daily show with jon ste warts. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. we have a show for you today. robert caro will be joining us, author of "the passage of power" it's the fourth volume in his remarkable biography of lbj, lbj, of course, spanish for the bj. (laughter) but we begin tonight with last night's momentous news. >> it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that i think same-sex couples should be able to get married (cheers and applause) >> jon: finally,-- from its president of the united states. of course the president still believes it is an issue best left to the states. but they're not complaining tonight. it's a great day when the president of the united states says on national it was gay people should no longer be relegated to only planning other people's weddings. it's not right! it's like putting a cat in charge of the goldfish toss game. it's not fair! you're just torturing the

new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey, everybody. welcome back to the show. boom, we're back. thank you. thank you for joining us. welcome to "the daily show". i want to say right off the top u.s.s. roosevelt bringing the nice pictures and the guys bringing the nice things and some guy from england who -- i don't know. [ laughter ] [ applause ] has a diseased mind. [ laughter ] we're so happy to be back. i'm jon stewart. our guest tonight is the author of a great new book on home gardening. [ laughter ] and -- [cheers and applause] -- anyway, we're excited to have the first lady tonight. first, real quick off the top. we've been out of office two weeks. when i'm on vacation the only news i keep up is the latest. obviously i read the huffington post my one stop source. the latest scoop involves miley cyrus and her side boob. next 20 that i crossing this story about how roger ailes said i admitted to him in a bar that i'm a socialist. now, i didn't doubt the story

think same-sex couples should be able to get married. (cheers and applause). >> jon: there you have it. the president of the united states is gay. (laughter) friendly. gay friendly. (laughter) damn you, ellipsis. (laughter) and i think we all know who deserves the credit for this. >> i'll take a lot of credit. (laughter) >> jon: so exciting positive news for equal rights for all citizens, a symbolic victory that can in no way be dampened by the codifying of bigotry in-- let's say the state where the democrats are going to be holding their convention. (audience reacts) >> north carolina voters passed a strict amendment to their constitution that bans same-sex marriages. >> jon: congratulations, north carolina, for a moment i was feeling a brief glimpse of what i guess doctors would call happiness and a full heart and i appreciate you ending that. by the way, in your zeal to protect yourselves from the gay menace there isn't any chance you may have, i don't know, created some collateral damage pho *pbs the heteros. >> it also bans civi civil uniod domestic partnerships-- and get this, no

-brainer >> jon: so, you're going to have biden do it. a no-brainer. boom, boom. ( cheers and applause ) actually he's a very accomplished senator. i apologize sincerely for saying that. of course these types of entitlements are anathema to the republican party. let's see how that will be handled by their nominee or should i say romney. trademark. >> i fully support the effort to extend the low-interest rate on student loans. >> jon: ooohhh. look who is not running in a conservative primary anymore. of course, he's still romney, the candidate with a uncommon man's touch. >> we've always encouraged young people, take a shot. go for it. take a risk. get the education. borrow money if you have. from your parents. >> jon: now, now, now, of course i realize not everyone's parents have money. readily accessible. some of your parents probably have money in off shore trusts or restricted stock. in that case, you might want to auction off some of your parents' art work. all right. so obama and romney agree, but the power for this resides in the legislative branch. i'm sure the real obstacle her

has taken a prostitute to a sensitive location. [ laughter ] >> jon: i would assume, general, it's standard operating procedure. vis-a-vis prostitute and their locations and respective sensitivity. nobody wants someone to rub their elbow, you know what i'm talking about? this is taking our finest political reporters on a whirlwind tour of whatever is spanish for mowlin rouge. >> the tourist trade here is very popular. you are going to be approached on every corner. we also know that a lot of single scannedly clad women hang out in the areas where the secret service men were partying. >> jon: we've also learned these women smell amazing. an intoxicating mist of lavender and one other thing we've found here is that breast glitterç doesn't come out of your clothes. [ laughter ] it's like imperious to lint rollers. this is the reporter for very lonely planet. [ laughter ] as all of as the scandal is the thing that amazed me the most came out as a side note. >> david chaney a secret service supervisor faces scrutiny for this photo that reportedly surfaced on his facebook page showing

in new s is the "the "daily show"" with jon stewart ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) . >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my guest, the senator there the great state of oklahoma, tom coburn, will be joining us later. he's written a book-- it's a comedy. ( laughter ) it's about america and how we're all going to die. ( laughter ) by the way, we'll rick off the top, this afternoon we got a big announcement from the one-time front-runner for the republican presidential nomination. >> today. >> i'm suspending the campaign. >> jon: well, there you have it, not ending, just suspending. he's suspending it like we hulla to do with our disbelief when he thought he was going took president. >> but suspending the ceem does not mean suspending citizenship. calista and i are committed to being active citizens. >> jon: wouldn't it be awesome though if it did mean suspending citizenship? like if you're you losing a presidential primary, you're deported. wouldn't that awesome? i don't think anybody thought they would leave the country but it's good to know you member active citizen

not mean suspending citizenship. calista and i are committed to being active citizens. >> jon: wouldn't it be awesome though if it did mean suspending citizenship? like if you're you losing a presidential primary, you're deported. wouldn't that awesome? i don't think anybody thought they would leave the country but it's good to know you member active citizens and haunt people on jury duty. ( laughter ). let's move move on. our main story toaps focuses on the man who defeated newt gingrich. as you know, mitt romney is mormon. that's actually, that's kind of unnecessary-- he's mormon. there's nothing-- there's nothing frightening-- there's nothing frightening about him being a mormon. okay, you've over-corrected. that was an over-correction. i should have qualified that statement. there's nothing frightening about romney being a mormon to me. apparently, some in the republican party's evangelical base think otherwise. >> mitt romney is a good moral person but he's not a christian. mormonnism is not christianity. it has always been considered a cult by the main street of christia

see you tomorrow. bill: 20 minutes away, can't wait. martha: we'll see you tomorrow, folks. jon: the general election is on. governor mitt romney clinching the nomination, hitting the ground running. the president is not wasting any time either. new attack ads and new campaign strategies. we have it all covered for you. jenna: unprecedented access to al-qaida's new strongholds in yemen. how the terror group is trying to take control of that country, and what we're doing to stop them. jon: plus the delicate dance between earth and a flying rock, the 6th closes astroid pass either. the intergeorgia lactic intrigue, plus breaking news all happening now. and good morning to you, governor mitt romney seals the deal and president obama picks up a key endorsement. i'm jon scott. jenna: i'm jenna lee. with his victory in the section as prime aver primary governor romney gets what he needs to clinch the nomination. reportedly they are ready to shell out a billion dollars. planned parenthood is showing its support behind the president. carl cameron is live in washington with all of that. carl,

street with jon stewart. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show." my name is jon stewart. what a show tonight, dan rather, the legendary newsman dan rather is here. let's begin tonight with the big news in politics. >> this is a fox news alert. governor romney winning the texas primary and securing enough delegate delegates to bee g.o.p. nominee. >> jon: it is official after 28 years, $2 trillion, and three unsolved murders later, wilbeerdink cummerbund romney will be the republican presidential mom network or rom-in-ey. you want to use that? you want to use rom-in-ey? lawyer up. you want to use, that lawyer up. my lawyer from the firm ( bleep ) you and pay me. i guess that's it. the coney island mermaid's parade that was the republican primaries is done. we're left with five months of obama v. romney. yup. ( laughter ) five months of johnny pregnant pause... >> for years what we've heard is the piggest problem on the bench was judicial activism or a lack of judicial restraint. that, uh, unelected... group of people would somehow

jon stewart. >> jon: welcome to the the daily show. my name is is jon stewart. let me tell you about our guest. we're very excited about this. zach wahls, author of the book "my two moms." it is an ode to his two moms and how they raised him. it's going to make what you got your for mom on mother's day really just... look, flowers. well, zach wahls, he wrote his moms a book. take your flowers and go (beep) yourself. ( cheers and applause ) listen. good to be here. it's good you're cheering tonight because we begin tonight talking about the young people. generation-x. what's that? they're up to 40 now. oh, my god. how old am i? what? that is outrageous. i can't even hear you. they say young people are in play this election year. it won't be enough for presidential candidates to make a couple token mtv appearances and pretend they have j-z on their walkman. is that... what? what do you mean people don't listen to the walkman anymore. all right. these candidates will have to do real heavy duty pandering like on the subject of student loans. >> 7.4 million undergrads from moderate income

3rd, 2012. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: say, hell woman to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. great show, peter bergen, author of the new book manhunt. i know bhau are thinking, are you just saying that so you can say abbottabad, i know. i'm sure it will be an interesting conversation. lev laugh. >> jon: as you know osama bin laden has been all over the news this being the onier an verse ar of his passing. >> good morning, we are getting a brand-new look into the mind of osama bin laden. parts of bin laden's personal letters nabbed from his compound in pakistan by navy seals have just been released. >> jon: whooo! personal letters. of bin laden. dear wife number 7. (laughter) >> jon: how is son number 19? i miss you. tell me what you are wearing? over your face. laugh laugh come on, the guy was run one of the world's most feerdz terrorist network. i can't imagine he had a lot of time to keep up w

wreak havoc on italy's economy which is already struggling through recession. guys? jon: courtney walsh live from rome. thank you. >> more on that developing story out of italy at the moment. he is just shy of the magic number and texas could put governor romney over the top tonight to clinch the republican nomination for president as he launch as new stinging attack on the president's economic record. jon: how far can the government go to catch citizens in the act on breaking the law? major ruling on red light cameras. some call them big brother out of control. i have gotten nailed by them twice. jenna: massive tsunami and nuclear disaster in japan more than a year ago but new radiation found in something off the coast of california. that story and breaking news all "happening now.". jon: hello to you on this tuesday after a long holiday weekend. some developments in the race for the white house to tell you about. i'm jon scott. jenna: hi, everybody, i'm jenna lee. we're your election headquarters. let's take a live look if we have it of craig, colorado. there it is where governo

millions, hundreds of millions. we will see what they do. martha: have a great weekend, everybody. jon: it is "happening now", a fox news alert, facebook going public. the founder mark zuckerberg, kicking off the social networking giant's market debut, ringing nasdaq opening bell this morning from facebook headquarters in silicon valley. the idea for the wildly popular website, born in his college dorm room less than a decade ago. it could be valued today, north of $100 billion. and finally, investors are getting in on the action. fox business network's liz claman, anchor of "countdown to the closing bell", live from new york. liz, what is going on? >> trying to decide if this is bigger than who shot jr and a beatles reunion put together. for the america and for the world as you heard from bill hemmer even in uganda they're facebooking. we're looking at a trade that hasn't happened yet. remember this stock was priced at $38 a share for its initial public offering. i'm keeping my eye on it right now. it is about to start trading. it is indicated, getting orders of an indication of $42 a

change. it's all "happening now." jon: there may be a big breakthrough in that tense diplomatic standoff between the u.s. and china over the fate of a blind chinese activist. good morning i'm jon scott. harris: i'm harris faulkner in today for jenna lee. the u.s. state department now says the man has received a fellowship at american university. and china has agreed to accept travel applications from him and his family. jon: the agreement seen as a face-saving option for the chinese government. each year hundreds of thousands of its citizens go overseas for educational purposes. chen sparked the standoff when he escaped home confinement to reach the u.s. embassy in beijing last week. mike emanuel is live in washington with the latest for us. mike. >> reporter: jon, good mourn. it's been quite the international drama ain't appears there may be a positive outcome for this chinese dissident. the 40-year-old blind activist has been in a beijing hospital since leaving the protection of the u.s. embassy earlier this week. he's focal about china's one-child mol see which has resulted in forced

everybody. i'm jenna lee. jon: i'm jon scott. voters in several states made their voices heard. in indiana it is the end of an era, veteran senator richard lugar concedes defeat for first time in four decades. the 80-year-old republican gets boosted in his own primary losing to challenger richard mourdoch, a tea part-backed candidate. mourdoch faces democrat joe donelley in november. the recall election of the rematch of the 2010 race with republican scott walker taking on milwaukee mayor tom barrett. the recall effort coming after governor walker's controversial decision to limit collective bargaining rights for state employees. that sparked massive protests last year. you probably remember those. over to north carolina where the big issue was the constitutional amendment defining marriage soulias a union between a man and a woman. voters overwhelmingly approved it and north carolina becomes the 30th state in the nation to adopt at ban on same sex marriage. meantime governor mitt romney picked up presidential primary wins in north carolina, indiana and west virgina. today he is in colorad