stephen colbert. tonight, stephen welcomes jon stewart, john oliver, samantha bee, ed helms and rob corddry. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: woo! ♪ ♪ hey! what's going on? ( cheers and applause ) how are you? what's going on, man? >> jon: what's going on? >> stephen: how was your weekend? >> jon: great. ( audience chanting stephen ) >> stephen: hey! welcome to the "late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) huge story that broke just minutes ago, like, less than ten

the "late show's" stephen colbert was hosting a live election night special, a seemingly dream gig for the comedian, who believed he'd be documenting history, the dawning of a hillary clinton presidency. he began the show upbeat. >> you don't need to chant my name. america doesn't have dictators, yet. >> here you have a guy, a host, ready to tell certain number of jokes that he expects are going to come out in the way he wants. and instead, the show starts to turn. >> bill carter is the author of "the war for late night." >> so he's like in between, he doesn't know which way to go. >> when trump wins a state, it will turn bright orange. >> colbert tried to keep the jokes coming as the race got closer and closer. >> this one is a nail biter and a passport grabber. >> then, political experts gave colbert some shocking news. trump had taken the lead, winning two key states. >> the momentum shifts and his energy level drops. all the things about a woman being president, which was probably the theme of the night, has to be rejected and something else on the fly put in. >> would you care for

>> he became a different host after that. >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." >> colbert's harsh attacks on trump galvanized his viewers, catapulting his show to its biggest ratings victory in two decades. >> welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. >> it took him months, maybe about a year before he found his traction. and the question was, when he ditches the conservative persona that he used throughout "the colbert report," is he going to be able to consistently amuse people and be outrageous? >> you, donald trump, are a horrible, horrible human being. >> by february, colbert edged out long-time rival jimmy fallon, when he ripped apart trump's first solo press conference. >> to be honest, i inherited a mess. >> no, you inherited a fortune. we elected a mess. >> colbert never let up, growing more vocal and more vicious as time passed. >> i have the constitutional right to say that donald trump looks like a rotting haystack made of meat. but you cannot. >> trump gave new life to all the late-night hosts. >> he's a human what is wrong with this picture? >

it is stephen colbert! >> stephen: thank you very much. thank you, thank you, thank you. hey, everyone. hey! thank you so much. welcome, welcome to the late show, everybody. i am your host, stephen colbert you know, donald trump -- [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: thank you very much. say hello to jean-baptiste right there and the whole band. [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: that outfit is amazing. you look like you are wrapped for christmas yourself right there. >> yes. >> stephen: i like the turtleneck, it is very paul newman. >> i have got to do it and stay classy. >> stephen: what is happening? oh, donald trump, donald trump as we know our president likes to stay busy looking. and today he held a press conference where he bragged about all of the regulations he is cutting and celebrated with a tweet. in 1960, there were approximately 20,000 pages in the code of federal regulations. today there are over 185,000 pages. today, we cut the red tape. it is time to set free our dreams! >> well, i don't know, i don't know about "free our dreams" but about a year ago, i

senate ♪ ♪ >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, who wants moore? plus, stephen welcomes tom hanks katy tur and mac demarco sitting in

( explosion ) >> it's the "late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, stephen welcomes jon stewart, john oliver, samantha bee, ed helms and rob corddry. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: woo! ♪ ♪ hey! what's going on? ( cheers and applause ) how are you? what's going on, man? >> jon: what's going on? >> stephen: how was your weekend? >> jon: great. ( audience chanting stephen ) >> stephen: hey! welcome to the "late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) huge story that broke just minutes ago, like, less than ten minutes ago. f.b.i. director james comey has just been fired by donald trump. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: wooo! >> stephen: wow, huge, huge donald trump fans here tonight. that shows no gratitude at all. >> jon: man. >> stephen: i mean, did trump forget about the hillary emails that comey talked about? i mean "thanks for the presidency, jimmy. now don't let the door hit you wh

>>> stephen colbert is next. good night. captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ me, me, me, me, me, me, me me, me, me, me, me, me, me ♪ me, me, me, me, me, me, me >> mr. president, warming up for your speech? >> no, this is the speech. ( laughter ) >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, stephen welcomes lisa kudrow. former whi ress secretary, josh earnest. and tony rock. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey! how are you? good to see you! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: chris, paul, matt, mark! come on, man, let's do it! ( applause ) >> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: good to see you. you're very kind. >> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." sit down. tick tock. we've got to go. wooo! my goodness! what a lovely crowd. what a lovely crowd. welcome to "the late show," everybody. i'm just

me on the late show, i'm stephen colbert with tom hanks. i shall >> -- >> we're going to have to feel to wait and see how that turns out. some say you can stop buying presents for adults and what you should do instead >> if you're still looking for the perfect fresh cut christmas tree, make sure you know the rules before you head out to the tree farm. why you might not be allowed to have one in your home. >>> a live look from the bethlehem sky cam. it will get colder we'll tell you when the market blast moves out when "eyewitness news" comes right back. out when "eyewitness news" comes right back. ( ♪ ) as a person who loves the finer things, this holiday season, i've asked for a luxurious new buick suv. ( ♪ ) fingers crossed. ( ♪ ) ring in the holidays with buick. get up to 20% below msrp on most 2017 luxury suv models. that's almost $7,400 on this buick enclave leather. experience the new buick this holiday season for remaining 2017s. experience the new buick ♪ think of your fellow man, ♪ lend him a helping hand, ♪ put a littl

. >>> stephen colbert is next. good night. captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ me, me, me, me, me, me, me me, me, me, me, me, me, me ♪ me, me, me, me, me, me, me >> mr. president, warming up for your speech? >> no, this is the speech. ( laughter ) >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, stephen welcomes lisa kudrow. former whi ress secretary, josh earnest. and tony rock. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! >> stephen: hey! how are you? good to see you! ( cheers and applause )

book: "stephen colbert's midnight confessions." it's an actual book. it has pages and everything. it's everything you love about midnight confessions, combined with everything i love about selling books. here's an example, "sometimes i look at a shampoo bottle and think, shouldn't they have tested this on animals first?" otherwise, aren't they testing it on me?" ( laughter ) lots of wisdom like that. now we do confessions here because even though i am a roman catholic, i don't make it to church that often because i believe faith say private matter. and what i miss most is confession. so if you don't mind, i'd like to confess to you, my audience. you won't tell anybody, right? >> audience: of course not! >> stephen: great. "this is stephen colbert's midnight confessions." ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: standard disclaimer: i don't know if these are technically sins, but i do feel bad about them. okay, ril i'll be right back. ( organ music ) forgive me, audience, i never took my halloween decorations down, so for christmas, i'm

>> stephen: i got that. i got that. >> mr. colbert. >> stephen: come on, feel me! do you cook for your family? do you have to cook for the holidays? >> when you're the chef of the family, people don't want to know if you're cooking. they want to know what they're eating. that's it. that's the way it works. >> stephen: that looks flaming hot. i shouldn't eat that? >> have some of these. a little spicy, a little sweet. >> stephen: is it a problem if i have a nut allergy? >> nope, you'll be totally fine. ( laughter ). >> stephen: what's this down here? that looks fun. >> we have pears, and chocolate bark, and we have qui, in oia. you put that on there and everybody is fit. >> stephen: this is like throwing shards of glass at thize of our audience right now. i hope we're insure forward that. all right, so poached, pears. >> we're insured for, that right? we have poached pears, mulled wine, some alcohol, a couple nuts, go back to some more liquor. we have red wine, cinnamon stick. some star anis, cloves, all the holiday flavors, and we let the pears poach in that mulled

i'm your host, stephen colbert. and we are live right now from the ed sullivan theater. ( cheers and applause ) we're live? yeah, we're live. right after donald trump's address to congress. now, technically, this was not a "state of the union" because i think in this timeline, the confederacy won. ( laughter ) right? i've never seen this movie before, but i think that's how this one ends. i'm not entirely sure. we have to get back to the interdimensional portal as quickly as we can. there was a lot of anticipation tonight. it's a huge evening for the president, and for everybody in washington, and the nation. before it even began, cnn trolled the nation with the caption, "trump leaves white house soon." ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) don't tease! not cool, cnn. not cool. that's not right. what's next, covering the president descending a staircase with the caption "trump steps down"? ( laughter ) don't you dare. as he was leaving the white house, cameras caught president trump apparently rehearsing his lines in

good night. >>> the late show with stephen colbert as next. our next newscast is tomorrow morning at 4:30 am. >> hope you had a great christmas, be careful at the mall returning all that stuff. captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, stephen welcomes: joe scarborough and mika

i'm your host stephen colbert. we are exactly-- one week-- one week from the possible election of alabama senate candidate and depressing sequel to "toy story," roy moore. ( laughter ) you do not want him to play "woody." ( laughter ) he has been accused-- just a character name-- has been accused by at least nine women of sexual misconduct while they were teenagers, but the president is standing by his man for a simple reason. >> we don't want to have a liberal democrat in alabama, believe me. we want strong borders. we want stopping crime. >> stephen: "yes, we want stopping crime. ( laughter ) we just not want stopping sexual assault." ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) moore-- thank you. thank you. they're on your side, mr. president. they're on your side! please come on the show. moore is grateful for trump's support, tweeting, "i look forward to fighting alongside the president to #maga!" of course, that's the sound teenage girls make when they see roy moore at the mall, "magah!" ( laughter ) now, moore has r

me on the late show, i'm stephen colbert with tom hanks. i shall >> -- >> we're going to have to feel to wait and see how that turns out. some say you can stop buying presents for adults and what you should do instead >> if you're still looking for the perfect fresh cut christmas tree, make sure you know the rules before you head out to the tree farm. why you might not be allowed to have one in your home. >>> a live look from the bethlehem sky cam. it will get colder we'll tell you when the market blast moves out when "eyewitness news" comes right back. ♪ musguys, i'm good. say goodbye to distractions. now you can last longer with new k-y duration spray. >>> cbs3 eyewitness news with ukee washington, jessica dean, kate bilo, nicole brewer and don bel bell. >>> are you still looking for the perfect christmas tree? if you live in philadelphia and ordinance may prevent you from having a real green in your house, law says real christmas trees are not allowed in houses or apartment buildings with more than two units. the ordinance said nearly

larry mentioned that john was on the stephen colbert show later this week he was. there was a bit that john did about my book last monday a week ago from monday. many which he took the cover of that book and said this is the bush's looking lovingly at donald trump's poll numbers. [laughter] among other things -- and it was this great bit that he did it was wonderful. for a couple of minutes and then i thought i was on the top of the world. and then john is a guest on colbert i said that son of a gun one up me. he was just wonderful so if you get a chance to google john avalon concern and stephen colbert you'll see his just wonderful hit on the stephen colbert show and get a great sense of what a great mind we have in john avalon. to answer your good question john -- this was a story that need to bein. this is the -- only had one other father, son president in the history of the united states. john a.d. come to and john quincy adam and 24 years nearly a quarter of a century between presidency of the two men. john adam in last 16 months of life expwh john quincy a.d.

bush appeared on cbs late show with stephen colbert last night after writing "the new york times" op-ed responding directly to the president. jericka duncan. >> good morning. describing that as a gut punch every time. he did not mince words, echoing the same charge he made in "the times." >> you can't say that. that is your voice. i was there. you were there. that's your voice on the tape. >> billy bush pushed back hard on president trump's reported denial of the access hollywood tape. >> in the last 14 months of my life, i've been dealing with it. you dealt with it for 14 minutes and went on to be the president. >> reporter: the tape was released one month before the presidential election. >> you can do anything. >> whatever you want. >> grab them by the [ bleep ].

mi choi will h >>> "the late show with stephen colbert" is up next. our next newscast is tomorrow morning at 4:30. >> have a good night. >> good night. captioning sponsored by cbs >> rocket man is on a suicide mission for himself, and for his regime. >> how do you think those words will be received by president kim jong-un?

( cheers and applause ) i love you, stephen colbert. >> stephen: i love you, tom hanks. tom, have you ever eaten at the bubba gump shrimp company? >> funny you should ask. this is hilarious. >> stephen: okay. >> i i guess ther busiest day of the year is memorial day. >> stephen: sure. >> and i went up-- i was hungry. i had the kids with me. and they were all asking-- they wanted some gulla shrimp, very spicy, hot in the mouth shrimp they call it down in the gulla islands. >> stephen: sure, sure. >> i said i know where to get that. we climbed the stairs up to a bubba gump shrimp-- is this a true story? >> yeah, they looked right at me and said, "it will be a 45-minute wait, mr. hanks. ( cheers and applause ) in all honesty, they were crowded. >> stephen: okay. >> they offered us some free sweet tea. >> stephen: do you want another mint? >> i could use one. >> stephen: sure, hold on. >> oh, great. got it. >> stephen: okay, all right. >> wow! you know what? it smells like christmas in here now, doesn't it? >> uh-huh. >> stephen: okay, bigger hero, jim lovell from apollo 13,

i'm your host, stephen colbert. if you'll excuse me, i'm a little shaky tonight because my heart has been hurting all day due to a condition my doctor calls "hope." ( laughter ) i hope i'm pronouncing that correctly. i haven't-- i haven't been saying that word that much this year because it's been a rough year. we have buried under an avalanche of bad news, but through the rubble of 2017, there was a glimmer of light, because last night, roy moore lost to doug jones! in alabama. ( cheers and applause ) yeah. i mean it's a good country. it just-- just need a little something. just feels good. >> it islet best gift given on the first night of han what. you're welcome, roy moore's jewish lawyer. this is the deepest of the deep south. all rooteds lead north from this election. jones is the first democrat to win an alabama senate seat in 25 years. ( applause ) so-- a quarter of a century. so the last time alabama elected a democratic senator, the biggest movie was "aladdin," or, as roy moore calls it, "the perfect date m

. >> it's the late show with stephen colbert. tonight. stephen welcomes matt damon, rahm emanuel and musical guest januaryest feet-- juanes featuring jon batiste and stay human and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! (cheers and applause). >> stephen: thank you very much. (applause). >> stephen: hey, everybody, how are you? please, have a seat, everybody. ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, welcome, welcome. my friends, and are you my friends, welcome to the late show. i'm your host, stephen colbert. (applause) you know-- thank you very much. good to hear you in a good mood, scary morning in new york city. a man set off an improvised bomb in the subway near the port authority. luckily none of the bystanders were seriously hurt and the police got the guy. (applause). >> stephen: yeah, isn't that nice? the man is in custody right now. the suspect who was bangladeshi is 27 and lives in brooklyn so he used only locally sourced handmade artisanal bomb parts. (laughter) probably a pickle

the late show with stephen colbert is next. bye. "what if" more of the came from renewable resources? "what if" the electric grid could detect, fix and even prevent power outages? "what if" our grid were less vulnerable and more secure? "what if" all these "what if"s became a reality? well, they are. at dominion energy, we're completely transforming our power grid and the way we think of energy... ...to move from "what if" to "what's next." dominion energy. because everyone likes easy. sure do. because everyone is on the go. because we all like to save energy, but sometimes we slip up. reaching up. ssssh! because sometimes we want it cool at night, then toasty in the mornings. introducing the easy to use, energy saving, adjustable from everywhere, easy on the wallet and the eyes, nest thermostat e. e is for everyone. captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: ever since the