carlin and the muppets. it was gonna be a live show. i said, "hey, muppets. that's for me!" >> jimmy: muppets were heavy in "snl"'s first couple years. >> yeah, it was "saturday night live." >> jimmy: that's crazy. >> and then, i was such a freak about "saturday night live" that i actually stalked -- every time i got a chance, i'd go through 30 rock and just try to see, like, michael or donahue or gilda or anybody, you know? >> jimmy: you got to meet michael donahue? >> no, i never did. but i watched them. i just kinda watched them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: stalking? he's neat. >> but yeah, i just loved the show that much. it was so crazy. >> jimmy: then you went on to host 12 times. and you're one of the best hosts ever. [ cheers and applause ] >> well, thanks. actually, somebody told me that i was around in your first show. you and maya. >> jimmy: yeah. >> isn't that weird? >> jimmy: that was my first show. >> wow. >> jimmy: yeah, i'll never forget it. it was with alec baldwin. and alec baldwin said, "what i

george carlin once said, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away, and that's what cafe floor does for me, provides me with moments that take my breath away and thrills my soul with warmth. thank you. >> sister honey bee. i actually wanted to say that name twice. [laughter] >> gary virginia, alan nelson, [speaker not understood]. >> if your name has been called, come on up to the podium. >> [speaker not understood], lynn williams, and james estrano. >>> my name is sister honey bee, and you may think that i am biased, and i am. so, i am going to appeal to your bias. imagine having a place like this that you go to and the way that it was described by all of us here. and suddenly it's taken away. that's like snatching food from you when you're hungry. cafe floor feeds us as your place would feed you. [speaker not understood] in the community, they park their car and pay muni. they shop. we are all nourished in one big beautiful context. >>> mr. president and commissioners, my name is paul page. i own property, residential property

carlin said it's called the american dream because you have to be frickin asleep to believe it right stacy the dream is dead long live the dream of course you know in our first headline really captures quite a bit of this larry ellison has completely screwed up the america's cup by selecting an expression the expense of complicated and fast type of boat a seventy two foot catamaran called ac seventy two ellison has effectively made the two thousand and thirteen cup too costly for many competitors so this is set to begin july fourth out of san francisco and only fourteen have signed up where organizers are expect.

carlin and woody allen and occasionally wrote jokes for president john f. kennedy mort sahl welcome the kaiser report thank you max all right now mort sahl you recently said that ron and rand paul could make you a republican why. be because they speak the truth as they say in old words through movies white man speaks the truth no forked tongue . rand paul was eloquent and since the cia did. the steroid the republican party. does them alternative for americans yeah let me let me jump in here for a second so right when you say that rand paul speaks the truth what truth is he speaking and second of all what do you mean the cia is infiltrated the republican party but first of all what truth is rand paul speaking this morning he's said the president has lost the moral authority to guide the country because he doesn't answer i mean of the charges about the wiretapping or they are all risks or why he or big ozzie for a very obvious examples. in fact is suddenly things you ran for office the republican party has had some bad luck that i don't think is random your m

carlin said it's called the american dream because you have to be frickin asleep to believe it right stacy the dream is dead long live the dream of course you know in our first headline really captures quite a bit of this larry ellison has completely screwed up the america's cup by selecting an expression the expense of complicated and fast type of boat a seventy two foot catamaran called a sea.

carlin but this is me now and he left the cardboard cut out fall out of frame and he basically was saying oh i'm not doing that anymore i'm doing this new thing and please follow me now i'd start was so brilliant new and he was very willing was a friend of mine udall of lenny and lenny was a brilliant coming out of the. ed wrap it up really and comic you met jerry lewis recently i do i saw his documentary last summer and he was nice enough after to give me his phone number which i thought was a fake number. but i called it and he's just been an incredible mentor and friend and jerry lewis is i mean jerry literally. said you subject you won't touch i don't think you can really put restrictions as a comic i think that's more dangerous to tell yourself i may not be able to you know. conversation a certain area so i try to not put any restrictions but it's never malicious i don't think it's anybody wants to you know get there or your face pounded in by a comedian it's all going to be no longer legals is all and yes he can still be kind of comedy but it can come from a place of you know that's

carlin people talk about politics but dog training only a political comedy means satire to britain it means people having a bit of a go at the coalitions in there shouldn't really be not talking about things like war or god or any any huge can of political touchstones you know so there's a don't train oh don't talk about six at the most most people if you want to get on a t.v. you know because there's a stranglehold in media of the b.b.c. it was so how come there's so little media diversity on that in the print page there's different print you know left oriented print newspapers somewhat compared to the u.s. troops but a lot people would say that doesn't exist that the guardian is just very you know just a little bit less to the right than let's say the telegraph but where the us there is kind of the left and but on t.v. however it's all right wing there's no there's no left at all because it's all dominated by the b.b.c. and i'll just read a document or a b.b.c. in fact hides taxes through the netherlands just like starbucks and google and all these other companies so they're just a

carlin just because i grew up loving newman well moment you knew you'd made it. i was. backstage at some k.-rock event and i was in show business for ten seconds and i henry winkler who i just knew was the fonz as i was passing by heard him saying where is that guy who plays mr bircham on the radio and i just said oh that's me and i stop and i said i'm that guy and he shook my hands with two hands because he's such a man she now and he said nobody does what you do nobody can do what you do and i was like this is the fines telling me no one can do what i do and that's that sort of builds and you want a little bit sky nice this guy on the planet him and the great john ritter. thank get a bank is so much like adam carolla by special guys who did listen to his podcast to dubai's books you could order a man on his website and then we may never see you again w w w dot adams or old dot com and rob you could find me on twitter it can stings that i'll see you next time . wealthy british. it's now time to. market why not. why not what's really happening to the global econo

you know why they called the american dream because like george carlin said you got to be asleep to believe it and not now go back to set. the to. do the job or she's going to be like. just yesterday former british prime minister margaret thatcher passed away for those of you who are avid corporate media watchers your impression of her legacy might look something like this. i think she's a probably the greatest prime minister of britain since churchill regardless of the ideological things we could always fight about you never had to wonder where moderate stood on the issues i will not change just a cooler full few now that she was known to be uncompromising especially when it came to her principles of economic and individual freedom she was called the iron lady unbending and driven respected and feared whether it was ideology or economics trade unions or terrorist it was agree with maggie or get out of the way. right the uncompromising iron lady the woman who saved britain look at the surprise of the media's exploiting public emotions over her death and turning to some sort of heroic demago

carlin said it's called the american dream because you have to be frickin asleep to believe it right stacy the dream is dead long live the dream of course you know in our first headline really captures quite a bit of this larry ellison has completely screwed up the america's cup.

regardless of social class or circumstances of birth of course as the late great comedian george carlin said it's called the american dream because you have to be fricken asleep to believe it stacy the dream is dead long live the dream of course you know in our first headline really captures quite a bit of this larry ellison has completely screwed up the america's cup by selecting an expression the expense of complicated and fast type of boat a seventy two foot catamaran called the a c. seventy two ellison has effectively made the two thousand and thirteen cup too costly for many competitors so this is set to begin july fourth out of san francisco and only fourteen have signed up where organizers are expecting fifteen teams the norm for an america's cup is between seven and thirteen teams well they should rename it the america's cup to the american douche and there should be larry ellison winning the american war and once again crowding out all the competition by engaging in predatory monopoly behavior oracle software is a predatory monopolist that galad his customers with predatory mon

carlin passed away and she looked me chills are you kidding me she says my dad was the you just george carlin fan and we saw it we saw him that was one of the last things that they did together before he died so it's crazy to go should begin but so the interesting thing is is back to your brother so you understand that your brother does not want you to carry i use the word burden or guilt it's just any negative emotion that you feel could have should have would have only if that he would still be here gee wonder stand that or that you feel that you could have prevented something does that make sense or yes so your brother would like you to release any negative emotion because what happens is with things like this your mother unbelievable gave you the gift of knowing that she's still with you your brother giving her the gift of saying you need to release these burdens because that holds us back from healing and that's what this is about it's not about anything else who committed suicide it was only oh sure yeah well you know i will take full responsibility for the some some will say tha

you know why they called the american dream because like george carlin said you have to be asleep to believe it on that note or break the set. of the total number of users you cover sheet or anything like that. just yesterday former british prime minister margaret thatcher passed away for those of you who are avid corporate media watchers your impression of her legacy might look something like this. i think she's the probably the greatest prime minister of britain since churchill regardless of the ideological things we could always fight about you never had to wonder where moderate thought she stood on the issues i will not change just a cooler full fuel additive she was known to be uncompromising especially when it came to her principles of economic and individual freedom she was called the iron lady unbending and driven respected in here.

carlin said it's called the american dream because you have to be frickin asleep to believe it right stacy the dream is dead long live the dream of course you know in our first headline really captures quite a bit of this larry ellison has completely screwed up the america's cup by selecting an expression the expensive complicated and fast type of boat a seventy two foot catamaran called ac seventy two ellison has effectively made the two thousand and thirteen cup too costly for many competitors so this is set to begin to lie fourth out of san francisco and only fourteen have signed up where organizers were expecting fifteen teams the norm for an america's cup is between seven and thirteen teams well they should rename it the america's cup to the american douche and there should be larry ellison winning the american war and once again crowding out all the competition by engaging in predatory monopoly behavior oracle software is a predatory monopolist that galad his customers with predatory monopolies pricing translate that into buying a boat that is crowding out all the competition v

carlin's dirty words are out along with ordinary words like geek and else that's now if you want you could turn the. filter off of google's keyboard settings so you can text time you talk you can also add words to your phone's personal dictionary that you can curse your little heart out but perhaps the overarching question here is why google felt it was so important to omit these words is it an example of the company's political stances isn't censorship or is it simply google's way to attempt to force people to talk going to more civilized manner to one another using the warrants perhaps all good questions to which google responds with perhaps the two words the company knows best no comment in washington meghan lopez r.t. . and that does it for now i'm a mirror david stay tuned boom bust is next. and a sight. i'm sick of corporations trying to. do and they. are all about money and i've actually like for politicians the laws are. just too. yes i was a new alert animation scripts scare me a little. earlier. there is breaking news tonight and we are continuing to follow the breaking new

carlin's dirty words are out along with ordinary words like geek bud and else that's now if you want you could turn the filter off of google's keyboard settings so you can text to have you talk you can also add words to your phone's personal dictionary that you can curse your little heart out but perhaps the overarching question here is why google felt it was so important to omit these words is it an example of the company's political stance that is this is censorship or is it simply google's way to attempt to force people to talk in a more civilized manner to one another using full warrants perhaps all good questions to which google responds with perhaps the two words the company knows best no comment in washington meghan lopez r.t. and that does it for now i'm amir a david. this is the place that has been consecrated to god for almost a thousand of years people came here twenty some years ago. pushed life on the silent. people of the love of christ. people say. something happens on this island that makes them return to it again and again they say to them. join me james brown on a j

. >>> the late great comedian george carlin used to say that baseball is a 19th century posteral game while football is a 20th century technological struggle. in the 21st century both are still relevant and wildly popular. but let's be honest, there's something about baseball. we'll discuss america's fast past-time he chris, mad dog russo, joins the panel, next. at tyco integrated security, we consider ourselves business optimizers. how? by building custom security solutions that integrate video, access control, fire and intrusion protection. all backed up with world-class monitoring centers, thousands of qualified technicians, and a personal passion to help protect your business. when your business is optimized like that, there's no stopping you. we are tyco integrated security. and we are sharper. when you lost the thing you can't believe you lost.. when what you just bought, just broke. or when you have a little trouble a long way from home... as an american express cardmember you can expect some help. but what you might not expect, is you can get all this with a prepaid card. spen

. >> it's a george carlin- the comedian- it's his joke. someone in the audience asked him did he believe in the ten commandments. he said, 'yes, i do believe in the commandments- six commandments and four suggestions." >> that's a good one with doctrine, because when we're talking about doctrine, as you know, and ethics, we're at the very heart of the course, which is belief and behavior. and we've mentioned several functions of doctrine, and today i want to take another spin on that and look at the tension in the doctrinal dimension between the sacred and the secular. so often the deeply religious have a problem with the secular world, and for others, like us, it's difficult to see where that demarcation is, that line between what is the mundane, what's the ordinary, and what is special and what is sacred. and we've talked about iliade and looking at symbols and we've looked where people have gotten holy symbols. but for some groups, building a doctrinal- i don't know if wall is the right word, but the brain isn't quite working yet, so we

. >> it's a george carlin-

. >> it's a george carlin- the comedian- it's his joke. someone in the audience asked him did he believe in the ten commandments. he said, 'yes, i do believe in the commandments- six commandments and four suggestions." >> that's a good one with doctrine, because when we're talking about doctrine, as you know, and ethics, we're at the very heart of the course, which is belief and behavior. and we've mentioned several functions of doctrine, and today i want to take another spin on that and look at the tension in the doctrinal dimension between the sacred and the secular. so often the deeply religious have a problem with the secular world, and for others, like us, it's difficult to see where that demarcation is, that line between what is the mundane, what's the ordinary, and what is special and what is sacred. and we've talked about iliade and looking at symbols and we've looked where people have gotten holy symbols. but for some groups, building a doctrinal- i don't know if wall is the right word, but the brain isn't quite working yet, so we

. >> it's a george carlin- the comedian- it's his joke. someone in the audience asked him did he believe in the ten commandments. he said, 'yes, i do believe

. >> it's a george carlin- the comedian- it's his joke. someone in the audience asked him did he believe in the ten commandments. he said, 'yes, i do believe in the commandments-

and george carlin and steve martin. just loving the sound of it and wanting to get closer and closer and closer to it. >> what's amazing to know about you and love what you do on stage, you seem to be a bit of an entrepreneur as well? a guy that loves doing your own stuff, doing your own tour? >> uh-huh. >> is that about money or control? >> no, it's fun. when you're under it there's sort of this thing that happens, when you're struggling, you take what you can get. there seems to be this big machine running everything. and then when people get past that line when you've become in demand and you're putting in the seats, as they say, in the theaters, and then you have ability to make choices. a lot of people that are big act like they also -- they say, what can i do i'm part of the machine. so i was just curious, once you get to that higher level, can you do things differently >> so what's next for you? >> well my fx show comes back next year. so we start shooting in a couple months. i'm writing that now. and that's the

>> chris rock, george carlin, andrew dice clay and dane cook. that's it. it's a list of five. and now, kevin hart is number six. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's amazing. to see what you do in the movies, too, i got to give you props for that. 'cause you go all-around the world. >> yes. >> jimmy: you were in, like, stockholm. you're in, like, amsterdam. >> we went to oslo, norway. stockholm, we went to amsterdam. >> jimmy: that's amazing. >> it was unbelievable. i mean, for me, the reason i wanted to put this movie out theatrically is because, you know, my fans that support so much -- we were doing arenas worldwide. but i was like, there's such an amazing journey that people don't get a chance to see. so, put this all together and finish it off in madison square garden hasn't been done before, and it's been a long time since a stand-up film has been released theatrically. so, i said, "you know what? i'm going to try to do it and attempt to do it at madison." i guess we say -- and a overwhelming number of people say, they not only respect my work ethic -- but look at me

with george carlin as the first guest host. also on this day in 1975 historic wedding. bill clinton and hillary rodham were both married. they were both professors at the university of arkansas law school in fayetteville. do you recognize them, bibl? >> happy birthday to jane krakowski of dgs 40 rock." >>> homework wars, a father tries to do his middle school daughter's homework. can matt, savannah and al pass the test? tonight on date line a woman found dead in her burned out home. her husband said it was suicide but questions remain. keep it right here for more news, weather and sports, i'm richard lui along with bill >> life support, i mean, beep, beep, beep. >> we'll be back tomorrow at 10:00. >> neither side optimistic but at least they are still talking at this point. b.a.r.t. trains will run this morning as those negotiations continue. good morning everybody. it's now 4:30. >> negotiations ended just before midnight with a promise of more talks today. union leaders say they will stay at the bargaining table through the weekend f. nothing is done by 12:01 monday m

>> i think george carlin said it best. he said this is a much -- you have to know about men and women. women are crazy and men are stupid. and the reason that women are crazy is because men are stupid. >> i agree. that settles that one. do we move on? >> men are from mars -- >> women are from venus. >> they're on a different planet altogether. don't try to understand us because we're not going to be understood. >> really? >> i think if you can't get it, you're really not trying very hard. i mean, you're just as complicated as we are. >> are men really complicated? >> no. >> i do think that. i think men are straightforward but really they have little things that you would think, oh, my gosh -- i think that just affected them. and you're like, how did that happen? >> i do. >> they use it as an excuse to not chip in. i really do. >> i'm with you. >> i didn't know that the garbage didn't need to be taken out. >> yeah. >> come on. >> do you think we have more emotional complexities, though? we tend to maybe not say what we mean