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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  January 7, 2014 1:00am-1:31am PST

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hree kisses and a pair of socks, as is tradition. - i mean, come on, guys, that's pretty cool, right? my little brother is a knight in canada. - my sister is a den leader in girl scouts. - my uncle's the second in line to be manager at gart brothers. - hmm, yeah. - and now the scraping off of the pudding. isn't she beautiful, scraping off the pudding with the grace of a butterfly. she rubs the pudding on her face. the prince now attempting to remove one of the princess' arms. as is, of course, the tradition. the princess screaming with pain. everyone watching with anticipation. and the arm is off! things are back to normal here in canada. the time honored traditions are once again-- yes, the prince is sticking the princess' arm up his ass. there it goes. [cheers and applause] he's really making a good go of it. what a wonderful day for canada, and therefore, of course, the world. ♪ central's world news
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headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: hi, welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. [cheers and applause] what a program we have for you in this 2014. my name is stewart. my guest tonight from "inside llewyn davis" oscar isaac is here. he plays llewyn davis. a talented man. we're back. recovering from the holidays tsms a new start for us. no more animosity, no more war on christmas. we'll ease into the new year and talk about things innocuous. we're not going to talk about politics or religion because these are hot button topics so -- [laughter]
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[laughter] hey, some weather, huh snrks. >> i have never experienced cold like this in my life. >> jon: i'll say. it is cold outside. i'll tell you this morning his to put my hand on a witch's teat to keep them warm. that's actually the witch's teat was warmer than -- which i think is unusual. [ laughter ] any more weather talk? any more -- >> minneapolis st. paul minus 20 degrees. >> i've never felt like like this. >> you could be inside the freezer and you would be warmer. >> some crew members had tears inside the eyes. >> things are freezing on my body that i didn't know were possible to freeze. [ laughter ]
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>> jon: are you breaking up with me? [laughter] because that is not the first time i've heard that line. it's not you, it's me it's just that since i've been with you things are freezing on my body i didn't know were possible to freeze. [ laughter ] i have an ice penis. that's why. [ laughter ] this is nice. no name calling. no left versus right ideological (bleep). it's just the pleasure of watching news anchors slowly perish from hypertherm yanch all this snow and still cries over global warming. >> warner: wait, wait, hold on -- >> jon: wait, wait. the weather where you are on a particular day doesn't -- don't do this.
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>> we're having a hard time understanding how global warming allambists are still trying to push that radical position. >> global warming i think it's going to die this year given the incredible cold weather we've had this weekend. [ laughter ] >> jon: right now there are parts of my body that are getting angry that i didn't even know could get angry and -- they are getting so angry right now that it's --s that you -- i'm not going to tell you which part it is. it's my balls. [laughter] right now i have angry balls. [laughter] i think i just invented a new videogame. [ laughter ] are you kids playing angry balls? hey, you kids, stop playing angry balls. [laughter] just when you think it's over they pull you back in.
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♪ there you have it, war on christmas is over. the war on carbon begins. global warming one more liberal conspiracy because even there's a great deal of scientific data, even though the models of global warming predict extremes of weather, not just warming, apparently peer reviewed scientific study can be, like a ficus tree, destroyed in one cold weekend. >> forget this global warming. it's just my opinion. >> that's your opinion. that's your (bleep) opinion. [ laughter ] it means nothing. [laughter] sorry. guys, settle down. [ laughter ] but it's your opinion. based on its flavor i think lead paint is good to drink. that's my opinion. peeing into the fountain the same time as another person is a good way to switch souls with them. my opinion. >> if 97 doctors told you the
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lump on your lung was something to worry about and three scientists, doctors told you not to worry about it. >> if 97 were paid to tell me there was a lump on my lung and it was bad, i'd listen to the three. >> jon: you know that is how doctors get paid, right? you go to them and they charge to diagnose and treat your problem. although i think i figured out where the lump is. [ laughter ] all right. let's follow this climate science money. >> i gotta tell you, i think these scientists are laughing from their lavish laboratories and vacations up in the arctic in the nice boats that are well equipped. [ laughter ] >> jon: this arctic? [laughter] this lavish boat? [laughter] yeah, that's the dream, man. [ laughter ]
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i remember thinking oh, (bleep) when i get older i'm going to take one of them arctic research cruises and monitor (bleep) because all the ladies be like damn your readings are so accurate. [ laughter ] i get it. you can't trust these scientists. their judgment is clouded by money. why do you oppose these scientists? >> i think it borders on lunacy to throw dare i say trillions at something that might not be. >> it's another government attempt to extort money from businesses. >> jon: the integrity and research of corporations saving millions by denying climate change is unimpeachable. we look at those global warming scientists \how to/how this\thousand-aires. i never trusted them since i found out one of elements on the periodic table, gold. [laughter] pretty convenient. it seems like there's a pretty
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easy way to solve this. bring an someone with with he respect and whose expertise in the field cannot be denied. this whole global warming hoax. [ laughter ] >> jon: noooo. oh. oh, the doctor is in. >> this winter is brutal. i mean i'm in new york right now. the airports were closed. everything is closed. it's freezing. >> jon: oh, so global warming must be a hoax because, i mean mr. trump would never conceal bald-faced truth or go through any effort to hide when something is clearly receding over the years. [ laughter ] anyway, for more let's go out to senior climate correspondent jessica williams. jessica williams outside -- how
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did climate change, which is an issue of science become part of the culture war? >> jon, this isn't about science. it's about liberty. if we admit climate change is real than the liberals can dictate what we can and can't do. nobody tells american what's we can burn, who we can eat, who we can shoot or how many times we can shoot it. >> jon: how many times? jessica? i didn't realize -- we accept limits on absolute freedom. speed limits, age limits for buying alcohol, limits on marriage. >> where does the government get off telling me who i can forbid from marrying? [ laughter ] >> jon: the cultures -- we'll still fight about stuff but let's fight about solutions not whether or not it's happening. the point is. >> jon: oh, my god what is that on your head. what happened to you?
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>> nothing. >> jon: have you been to a doctor? >> yeah, some quack at mount sinai told me i had a gaping wound in my skull. like i'm going to fall for that old con. >> jon: you do seem to have a massive head wound. >> sure, john believe the guys who get paid to tape up skulls. i went to my friend and i'm fine. >> jon: is your friend a doctor? >> better? he is a very rich man. he hosts a reality show, has a head full of natural hair. >> jon: are you taking medical advice from donald trump? >> no, his name is donald tr -- oh, yes i am. he said my skull just lacks ambitious. >> jon: your skull lacks a chunk of bone. can i see your brain. >> jon, that is your opinion. and you know what?
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hey why, why did you send the -- >> jon: i didn't -- jessica williams, everybody. we'll be right back. [che[cheehee
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. you know, my favorite thing about getting a long break is you get a little distance from the news cycle because it that lets that rage tumor in my brain shrink slightly. i just hope i didn't miss anything big while we were gone. >> there's a development in the
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white house battle against nuns. >> jon: what? whoa! wait, what the -- who? what? the white house is fighting nuns? bastardies. unless these must be terrible nuns to wage war against them. >> the hos spis for the terminally ill. >> jon: those are the most adorable people in the world. the nuns strumming guitars and feeding people and teaching that man to play at cordan. why are we -- the accordian. why are we fighting those nuns? we should be fighting those nuns. i don't like that nun. stop hitting her. oh, the nuns. [ laughter ] why is obama going after the sweet nice musical nuns. >> a key provision of the
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obamacare law. it's the law so called contraception mandate. >> jon: are we making the nuns use contraception? i'm if taking a bold stance. i don't think we should be forcing the nuns to have sex in the first place. it's -- contraception is for the people the nuns employ and the nuns don't want to pay for that contraception insurance so we don't make them have sex. [ laughter ] stay classy san diego. [laughter] there's got to be some kind of compromise. >> the obama administration points to a compromise in the law that would allow the nuns to sign a certification opting out of the couldn't deny contraception requirement. >> jon: they have to fill out a form and they don't pay for it that is paid for by the insurance companies who are obviously going to hell anyway.
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>> the nuns say it violates their religious beliefs to sign and admit to this permission slip that would give a third party the ability to handout contraception on their behalf. >> jon: you don't want to sign the form because that enables employees to get contraception. you do realize you give them paper issued by the government that allows them to get contraception, right? it's called money. and to the nuns, awr adorable, you are doing nice work but if you want to live in our muggle world -- [laughter] -- you'll soon realize we cannot control our urges. [ laughter ] i guarantee you workers are already using this money to buy all kinds of objectionable items, booz, cigarettes, multicolored clothing. just because someone works for you doesn't mean you don't get to control their personal lives. you don't want my advice. that's maybe why we should call
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someone in with the wisdom of a former pastor and gravitas of a failed presidential candidate. >> i think our founders would be stunned if they ever thought that the justice department of the united states would be doing everything possible to push the little sisters of the poor into providing some type of contraception coverage. >> jon: the founders would be stubbed except maybe ben franklin that would say (bleep) electricity this contraception is the greatest thing i've ever heard of. what do you think tj? and jefferson would say this could
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: we welcome back. my guest tonight, man this guy is good. nominated for a golden globe award for the latest film "inside llewyn davis." ♪ when i go back baltimore need to coffee on my floor ♪ ♪ come along and follow me. we'll go down to galilee ♪ ♪ everybody, glean, glean rock 'n' roll ♪ ♪ promenade in green ♪ tell me who you love, tell me who you love ♪
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>> jon: that's the whole movie. please welcome oscar isaac. [cheers and applause] how are you? >> good man, good. >> jon: i gotta tell you, man, this -- you see certain moments in an individual's career where you feel like you discover that person. and that, i feel like this role for you -- man, you are really, really good in it. the singing that is you. that is your voice and your guitar playing. >> we did the music live. >> jon: that acting also you? >> that was tough. that was tough. >> jon: all of it was live. t-bone burnett produced the music. he is incredible. revolutionary. we worked hard on the music before hand. >> jon: that say lot of talent
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for someone who sp also my size. i feel like a man of your talent should be easily six five. >> you would think that but the slight man has an advantage sometime. that is actually the first thing you said to me when we first met. i thought someone that good would be taller. [laughter] >> jon: i'm a smooth talker. [ laughter ] the film though is so rich in detail and talent and effort. is this -- the coen brothers is it just their ability to think of everything? are they just going through it that met tickously -- meticulously? >> yeah, not that they think it up before hand it's that their instincts take them to the choice that has the most history in it. everything they come up with
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they are just really smart. you could hold it up and every time you look at it something new pops up. >> jon: which came first for you music or act something in were you doing music as a younger man and an actor who happened to dabble? >> it was kind of always at the same time. the first thing i ever did was a musical in fifth grade i wrote about noah's arc. >> jon: you wrote it? >> yeah. >> jon: you were in fifth grade was the cootie land? what was the musical? >> a platypus going on to noah's arc. >> jon: let me tell you something, i would see that now. >> i think there's money in it. >> jon: have you thought about adapting this. were new bands? did you do bands. >> i had a bunch of bands in high school. it was happening at the same time. i would make movies with my friends and be in all sorts of different. >> jon: what were you dealing with. >> punk bands and hard core
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bands. every genre. i was a musical whore. >> jon: where did you grow up? >> in south florida. >> jon: okay. no, don't. even the other south floridians started to clap and thought -- >> the penis of america. >> jon: it really is. all the crazy drains into it. [ laughter ] where i grew up there was a pretty healthy punk scene. was there a good scene? >> it was the punk ska coming in. the third wave mid nints. >> jon: i -- mid 90s. >> jon: i might have been first wave. did you do the whole circuit. 930 club and those -- >> mostly in south florida. we didn't get too far up. it was more of a local band thing. >> jon: it would be like thursday night wet t-shirt
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contest. friday night. >> the worms. >> jon: punk ska the worms. nice. you were playing concerts for llewyn davis. that was in new york. will you do more of that? t-bone burnett, one of mumfords, you. it was crazy. joan bae z patty smith, all these people were playing. jack white. we have to do promoting for the movies. the fact that they used that as an excuse to do really cool things, have shows like that. >> jon: i think other movies should do that, too. hunger games should do that you go around and be like maybe we'll shoot arrows at people. in a theater somewhere. the movie is phenomenal but you in particular it's one of those moments are people will talk but when he burst on the scene with that thing for the long. >> thanks, jon, i appreciate
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that. >> jon: the kid is good. the kid, i call him. [ laughter ] inside llewyn davis. you have to see it. in the theaters now. we won't at the tell them what s to the cat. there's a cat in it also. >> a couple cats. >> jon: you don't know what happens to the cat. this cat could be an (bleep). >> thank you for that. 7 rjrj,x,x
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. you know tomorrow night is steve consumes. very, very funny guy. audience is very upset that they are not going to be here. [laughter] here it is your moment of zen. >> well, hello there tall drink of water. happy new year's people. >> happy new year. >> say something to the nation.

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