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tv   At Midnight  Comedy Central  August 6, 2014 2:04am-2:36am PDT

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don't you think it's a bit personal? of course not! the more you add, the more you save. zack was just trying to save you some money. so can i still join? of course! ha, can you imagine our zack with a crush? join sprint's unlimited framily plan, and get unlimited data, talk and text for as low as $45 a month per line. switch now and get $150 back. happy connecting. comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: that's the report, everybody. good night! >> this happened on reddit today. >> i didn't make anyone stay here until 7:00 a.m. or is 1:00 or whatever it was. i didn't make this kid pass out
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on my floor. he just wanted to be here. [laughing] >> chris: that giant man toddler with a fake beard is event planner james taylor talking about what is being called in michigan the party of the century. thousands rejoice as detroit burns. [laughing] >> chris: the party which included two djs, fire thrower and strippers attended by 2000 people, deposits and ambulances. let's see what taylor has to say about negative fallout. >> what do you say to those who say you're responsible. >> i am. it's negative, but it was worth it. >> chris: in my defense, it was tote worth it this bro will be held responsible for rob wriggle go.
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>> littering. did you see the white trash all over the place. >> chris: i did. owen bushing. >> second degree partying. [laughing] >> chris: alright. rob huebel, go. >> guilty of wearing my pubes on his face as a chin beard. >> chris: it's time to start @midnight. [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> chris: welcome to @midnight. our comedians are rob riggle from "let's be cops" in theaters august 13th. "let's be cops" is about a couple of guy whose want to be cops. >> bull [beep]. watch that [beep]. put those away, man! get down, everybody get the [beep] down. he's crazy! >> chris: executive producer of "drunk history" tuesdays on
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comedy central it's owen bushing. and "transparent" coming soon to amazon it's rob huebel. [ applause ] >> chris: so, what is up? what is up? >> nothing. i was curious why -- >> curious about what. >> well, one of the last times you were here you came off a show called tuxedo guys. >> i'm not doing that show anymore. i quit that. i am doing a new show called matador guys. it's a bunch of matadors. we live together in a house with one bull. how do you win? >> we haven't figured that part out yet. >> chris: let's begin today's program. it's rapid refresh. [ applause ]
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>> chris: guys, quick question what comes before part b? that would be part-a! part-a! riggle! riggle! riggle! riggle! riggle! pound it riggle! ya! [cheers and applause] >> ahhh. chris: i don't believe you need to consume alcohol to have a good fulfilling life. [laughing] >> chris: top story on facebook the princeton review released top party schools. binge, puke to the number one spot thanks to raeuplgers like this one. look at that. now, you think this is actually a double. she is saying "nooooo"" we found this pic on instagram.
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atypical night at #qs this guy knows how to party. except this guy in the corner. he's not sure what is going on. there is a trouble will there. give me this reluctant bro monologue, rob. >> if they only knew how much i love reading. [laughing] >> chris: moving on history is filled with stories of men that stand strong. teddy roosevelt charging up the hill. much like i took this girl to junior prom even though they friendzoned me before i asked her. i asked her anyways. it was awful. i am over it now. >> you don't seem like you're over it? >> go. ♪ you were there.
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>> you had total silence for 20 minutes. >> how long i have been standing here. >> 20 minutes. dead silence. >> we left and got snacks. >> crazy. now thanks to reddit we have the story of a new hero that stood firm in the face of adversity. i give you the trespassing drunk. >> that feel good. >> get off my yard. go home right now. >> go home. chris: comedians where did this magical farmer tan unicorn shamble off too? >> to take off the rest of his clothes. if he's going to shower. he's going to do it right. >> chris: gibble. >> back to my daughter's birthday party where he's
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suppose to be dancing. that's what i paid him to do. >> chris: points. dean of syracuse university. rapid refresh. now it's time for #wars. [cheers and applause] >> chris: that slightly weighter fart means it's still shart week all week long. we have only lost half of our advertisers. we're keeping it left. last night we saw it trending on twitter. let's do it again. it's #shartbooks. it maybe harry potter and the chamberpot of secrets. the girl with the dragon shat poo. or 50 shades of brown is another way to go. 60 seconds on the clock. go. rob.
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>> atlas shrugged and pooped everywhere. >> super fudge. >> diarrhea netics. chris: points. >> a tale of two [beep] chris: excellent. point. owen. >> heartbreaking dump of staggering gyros. written by david smells like edgars. >> chris: very literary. points. >> all quiet on the western grunt. >> chris: points. rob. >> to kill a mocking turd. chris: yes, points. riggle. >> lord of the flies around the dump i just took. >> chris: i love the one lord of all of the flies. >> min. johns gather around.
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chris: rob. >> meet [beep] one day. chris: if you're dressed like that you will, for sure. points around. the end of the hashtag wars. we will be back with more from "@midnight" " student: i don't want to just be a student, i want to do it all. blue shirt: well you can with these 2-in-1s. they have a powerful intel processor inside which allows them to be both a laptop and a tablet. student: and lightning.
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fencing coach: see right here, you've got to make the attack. vo: all lenovo yoga 2-in-1s on sale starting at $399.99. best buy america's back to school techfitter.
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the bryan brothers are busy guys. let's get out of here. road-trip! so esurance is using technology to help them see new york. should of brought a camera. you are a camera. bring cash? kind of like how they use technology to help you
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make smart choices about your insurance. nice shot, vika! us open, please. it's just how they roll. that was fun man, i'm exhausted. esurance. proud sponsor of the us open. [cheers and applause] >> chris: welcome back to @midnight. i'll be performing at funny or die's oddball comedy and curiosity festival 2014. the festival runs august 8th through september 21st. the line-up varies by city. go to for tickets. now it's time to play nigerian movie posters. [ applause ] >> chris: now these days it's all about the international box office. a few decades back countries were left at their own devices. that's nigerian movie posters on
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imager. i will show you the poster. give me the pitch to sell the movie. first one, mark of the beast. mark of the beast. yes rob. >> something that is not as good as sharknato2. >> chris: alright. yes. i mean i don't know if that helped sell the movie. >> it does. chris: points. rob. >> kanye and kim's lamaze class. chris: points. next one. blood money. this is blood money. >> what happened. once you go blackbird you never go back bird. [laughing] >> chris: points. last one who can forget this one rob, the snake girl.
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>> it's the whacky story of a snake that took a wrong turn. [laughing] >> chris: points. i mean, i don't know if he's coming out or backing in. i don't know. beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. owen. >> it's like anaconda but it's anal conda. >> chris: points. that is the end of nigerian movie posters. time for our next game, weight lifting. weight lifting. -- weightlisting. >> chris: you still thinking about snake girl? >> jeremy, it's amanda.
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yo did you give me snakes? >> alright. chris: it's which one of these is real. does rock star energy drink make your balls itch or have you seen a rabbit this chill [beep] >> energy drink. that's real. >> chris: let's find out. ever seen a rabbit this chill? >> i don't know if i have seen a rabbit this chill. let's find out together. [ applause ] >> chris: that lady has a lot of hair in her sink.
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>> wow. [ applause ] >> that's some delicious soup she's making. [laughing] >> chris: next one. best quotes or phrases to say before a fight or any tips for complimenting a bro's sick abs and nice face. >> i hope it's any tips for excellenting a bro's sick abs and nice face. >> chris: you want to know. this. >> i know ways to compliment a bro's sick abs and nice face. >> chris: let's find out. best quotes or phrases to say before a fight. what was your best quote for a guy's compliment. >> you have sick abs and a nice face. [laughing] [ applause ] >> this is great. chris: well, this question by the way.
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he got the response from yaaaabuddy. what's up, bra, take a swing, bra. what bra. [laughing] >> ya, bra. chris: that brings us to the end of weightlisting thankfully. time for the challenge, insane. insane. vacationers know to overlook places like the overlook hotel, bates motel, hotel for dogs. add another place. gawkers report the union street guest house in hudson will fine guests $500 for a negative review. they have removed the threat. now brave the threat of a
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500-dollar fine. >> oh, that cost me 500 bucks, great. >> chris: we will hear more after the break when we're back with @midnight.
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[cheers and applause] >> chris: welcome back to @midnight. before the break we told you about a hudson, new york, motel that is threatening guests with a 500-dollar fine. what do you have? >> one word bed bugs. two words bed bug gang bang. five stars.
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>> chris: owen bushing. >> i have had a better stay at the hotel ruanda. >> oh, no. chris: everything is in order. alright. rob. >> here is 500 your hotel sucks. here is another 500 your hotel sucks. i like saying it. wheel we're at it, here is another 250. i banged your wife. she sucks. >> chris: to our next game. hashtag honesty 60 seconds. twitter is full of hash tags. they don't all contain the word "shart" yet. >> keep it going. chris: one such hashtag was honestyhour.
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here is one #honestyhour i had a boner in class today and it hit my desk, and i nearly cried. >> i know what that feels like. chris: give me as many honesty hour confessions as possible. >> chris white strips can not be used to bleach your butt hole. >> chris: maybe they can. owen. >> i just farted right now. seriously. sorry guys. >> chris: wriggle. >> i can masturbate to almost any magazine. >> chris: huebel. >> i think it's cute when kids take turns picking each other up but they can't because of childhood obesity. >> chris: owen. >> i sell myself cocaine at a fare price. >> chris: wriggle. >> my halloween costume for the
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last five years as been steve buschemy. >> chris: nice. >> girls that are named cathy do not like the nickname the catheter. >> chris: point. that brings us to the end of # #honesty 60 seconds. owen bushing you're in last place. owen, are you okay? any last words? >> tell my kids that i won. [laughing] >> chris: okay. yes, torro. it's time for your annual checkup. it's for the win. [ applause ] >> chris: i want you to make yourselves okay with what i'm about to show you. we found this disturbing headline on the huffington post.
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raps enter corpses through vagina and anus at dc hospital ex-worker says. >> chris. hris: yes, owen. >> i'm grad i lost. [laughing] [ applause ] >> okay i picked up a lot of flavor. >> oh! chris: comedians i want you to write another headline about something sketchy that happened at this hospital. when we come back on @midnight. what does t-mobile have that at&t doesn't? get 4 lines for just a hundred bucks. with unlimited talk, text and now up to ten gigabytes of 4g lte data. so much for at&t's
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[ applause ] >> chris: welcome back to
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@midnight. it's time for the win. wipe, wipe wipe the scores clean. wipe wipe. >> ahhh! [cheers and applause] >> chris: i have to do the dealer hands after that one. i will read this out loud. before the break i showed our comedian the wonderfully horrifying headline "rats enter corpses through vagina and anus at dc hospital ex worker says." our favorite on-line was doctors handwriting legible. let's read what you read. >> [beep] rats [beep] terrified nation's capitol. [ applause ] >> chris: alright.
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number two. rats berg you are declared dead cheers reunion delayed. who was number one? rob wriggle has won with the greatest answer i have heard in my entire life. he's the funniest person on the entire planet. we will see you tomorrow night. join us on twitter at @midnight. good night. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪
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