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tv   At Midnight  Comedy Central  September 10, 2014 2:06am-2:38am PDT

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it's 11:59 and 59 seconds. this happened on apple.com today. what white e-smoke rising out of the cupertino headquarters can mean only one thing, the new iphone is here! the new iphone is here! [cheers and applause] with images much budding flower or space butthole i'm not sure. this morning's streaming event tim cook unveiled the iphone 6. it's bigger, faster, rounder, edgier. could describe the boners of the tech guys. to demonstrate we got this whimsical gym programmer. the guy i rock the perp will man purple man shaw, i'm bringing it back. >> [beep] again chris: and is this whimsical
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elf-man looking at. >> flight back to belgium. chris: yes. >> vegan chili recipe. chris: margaret cho. i think so grinder. >> chris: perfect. time to start "@midnight." [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheers and applause] >> chris: you know i totally get it now. welcome to @midnight. we have three artists from "festival supreme" the comedy and music festival started by tenacious d october 25th at the shrine expo hall in los angeles. it's jack black and kyle gass! [cheers and applause] >> chris: you are rocking
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clairemont strip club in atlanta georgia, with elderly strippers. >> unconventional ladies of the night. >> it's a combination strip club/assisted living. >> chris: it's fun to see a woman go around a poll on a rascal. performing wiseguys in west valley city, utah september 11th through the 13th it's margaret cho. [cheers and applause] >> chris: how are you, cho. welcome to the show for the first time. >> thank you. i'm excited to be here. i have known you since you were a child. i love it. so proud of you. >> chris: thanks. let's begin today's internet headlines it's rapid refresh. [ applause ] >> chris: so apple's huge wide live event hit a minor snag when the site was over wheld wither
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fervent mac-heads. much of the morning it looked like this. which the internet got real mad at. [laughing] >> chris: you can imagine. but denny's by the way said this was a perfect opportunity for them to win the internet with this grand slam of air tweet. they posted that. you got your bacon plate at 9:00 a.m. they totally missed the opportunity to call that moons over ihammy. way to drop the ball. there is one more thing the world has never seen before in the announcements today. the device that tells time. shut up, guys, they wear ton their wrist. what! this has been rumored for a long time. they came out with it today.
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demonstrated by software vp kevin lynch. or as he's known around the office lil gates. it can't do video chat. it's technically not as advanced as dick tracy's watch. oh, look i got a dick tracy pic. comedians we have the iphone, getting the apple watch. what's your next product innovation. >> a cure for testicular cancer. >> amazing. >> kind of a serious one. it's not funny at all. what is funny. >> chris: points. margaret cho? >> i say idildo. chris: yes. >> with an a nal usb port so i can recharge by [beep] >> chris: nice. nice. is that a universal dock?
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an amazing photo from the oval office from the whitous' official flicker page. it's an attempt to -- [laughing] >> usually the glerk comes after the jeurgensen. >> chris: now he's th * is just a general smelling butt. i don't know -- comedians. please caption this photo jack black. >> look i found weapons of ass destruction. >> chris: points. >> ya! chris: kyle. >> dad, mr. president, look at my george bush impression. >> chris: points. points. margaret. >> watch out young man, the
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floors are still sticky from the clinton administration. >> chris: nice. points points. >> oh. [ applause ] >> chris: that brings us to the end of rapid refresh. it's time for tonight's #hashtagwars. [ applause ] >> chris: this day in 1950 california became the 31st state. which is weird nothing here seems older than 1940. the beautiful cali motto is "you'reeureka: i've found it." let's come up with hashtags for the rest of our streets. it's a drier angrier florida. i'm putting 60 seconds on the clock. go. >> yes, jack.
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>> idaho the home office of the klan. no serious it's the home office of the klan. >> chris: points. kyle. >> mississippi. #we'renotjustthefattestwe're in the stupidest. >> month hot police brutality state. >> new mexico illegal aliens no. chris: points. kyle. >> texas everything is bigger. that's what she says. >> chris: ya, points. margaret. >> wisconsin can i wear your skin. >> chris: ya, points. points. jack. >> florida might as well be a prison colony.
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>> chris: points. nice. margaret. >> iowa, who cares. chris: okay. points. that's the end of hashtag wars. send us your hashtags and keep the wars going.
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mom! all you can eat pancakes, everyday value slam, build your own chicken
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wraps or loaded breakfast sandwich. only $4 each. good eye, and very budget-conscious of you. does that mean i can get that new laptop? how about a shake instead? [bell rings] waitress: welcome to denny's! >> welcome back to @midnight. tenacious d and margaret cho edition. it's time to play i'm not with the band-heavy metal edition. [cheers and applause] >> chris: live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse was rock-n-roll's motto. now it's live fast and leave a embarrassing photo on the internet. we found these on-line. 50 worst heavy metal bands of all times. these are amazing. a band. for 250 points i want you to sing me a lyric.
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sad iron. >> we got the same harass the cast of designing women. >> chris: points. [cheers and applause] yes jack. >> we are gonna take it -- [cheers and applause] >> chris: points. >>kyle. >> iron and the sad irony is -- we're reasonably well adjusted. >> chris: points. next titan force. titan force. [laughing] >> guys make sure and -- at the camera. >> rock and we don't care.
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see you all month at the county fair. >> chris: points. >> singing bad corn and wheat. chris: margaret. yes. >> we're heavy metal that's all we're about we don't water the lawn because we're in a drought. [cheers and applause] >> chris: points. titan force, environmentally friendly. jack. >> -- 14 minute, keyboard solos i can't hear you. [cheers and applause] >> chris: over here is a farmer with a shotgun that's like you better get the [beep] off my property. next one lucifer's friend.
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lucifer's friend. [laughing] that is, that is like a living -- [beep] crazy. >> i love lucy and he loves me. [laughing] >> chris: yes, jack. >> let me tell you about my best friend. he's the son of satan who will [beep] me until i die. >> chris: points. the original corpse of eddie's father singing miss me until i die. margaret. >> i'm a metal destroyer i'm here with -- >> chris: nice. points.
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next one. how about repulsa. repulsa. >> great lord satan is the master of sin. i'll take another order of the -- [cheers and applause] >> chris: kyle. >> repulsa, i just met a girl named repulsa. [laughing] >> chris: i'm giving you points for the commitment. last one. it's exorcist. exorcist. no guys the opposite of the klan. >> no, it's klan halen. chris: yes, yes. [cheers and applause]
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>> panama for wives only. chris: jack. >> we'll put our names up in lights and our faces in the sky. poor daryl he's kind of shy. >> chris: our next challenge super smash bro. hazing usually involving chugging a trashcan filled with grain alcohol or having a dude's nutsac drag ad cross your face. meanwhile look at this. it's cosplay. >> looking to get a start. >> you normally wear this on the
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road? >> normal. chris: i was thinking my mama wants me to go back to the cash register. meanwhile during a mario cart post-race press conference wario was seen dressed as ty cobb. over the break i would like to you write your own postgame question for this pitcher. we will be back with more after the break with @midnight. huh, fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. everybody knows that. well, did you know you that former pro football player ickey woods will celebrate almost anything? unh-uh.
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number 44... whoooo! forty-four, that's me! get some cold cuts... get some cold cuts... get some cold cuts! whooo! gimme some! geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. whoo! forty-four ladies, that's me! whoo...gonna get some cold cuts today!
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what does t-mobile have that at&t doesn't? get 4 lines for just a hundred bucks. with unlimited talk, text and now up to ten gigabytes of 4g lte data. so much for at&t's 'best ever' family pricing. t-mobile's got 4 lines for a hundred bucks. up to 10gb of 4g lte data so make the switch to t-mobile. we'll even buy you out of your service contract so you can get four lines for a hundred bucks today. [cheers and applause] >> chris: before the break i showed you a picture of a rookie chicago cubs pitcher dressed up. let's hear what you wrote for a question. margaret cho. >> could you respond to allegations you're on performance enhancing mushrooms.
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[cheers and applause] >> chris: nice. one makes me bigger. one gives me a extra line. jack black. >> can you comment on reports of donkey kong sending dick pics to tos will. >> chris: kyle. >> is it true you're [beep]ing qubert. >> chris: we jump to the next game. gimmicky cover bands. gimmicky cover bands. >> the mini kiss or kiss cover bands. there is dread zeppelin, a 300 30u7bd ellis impersonator. give me as many cover band names and gimmicks as you can in 60
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seconds. >> easy bottom. chris: points. yes kyle. >> the grateful death. jam band that's glad to be out of the house. >> chris: points. >> tom petty and the fart breakers. fart all of their songs including the hits ♪ the waiting is the hardest part ." >> chris: points. [cheers and applause] >> chris: margaret. >> ten tenacious glee. chris: no, you did not. no you did not. >> wouldn't that be cute. chris: jack. >> i'm going to go with nuns and moses. it's moses malone from the atlanta hawks and a bunch of nuns.
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>> chris: margaret. >> pu2 a [beep] u2 cover band. >> run msg. a chinese food delivery guy rap band. >> chris: rapping delivering -- points. [cheers and applause] >> chris: that brings us to the end of gimmicky cover bands. kyle gass you're in third place. that means we have to break up the d if you will. that isdo you have any last words. >> ya, i'll see you on the rhode show of rock of ages in seoul korea. >> chris: points. that means it's time to rub you the right way for the win. i was hesitant to show this.
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these are quite the trend on the youtube. they drive me insane. they're videos meant to soothe and tingle you into relaxation while someone wheul per talks into a hyper sensitive microphone. god damn it t makes me so mad. a lost people get off on it. it can be whisper tapping, soothing scalp massage like this one. >> -- so long. my brother. >> chris: comedians your challenge is to write a yelp review of this massage parlor. we will have a winner from our
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when cold refreshment calls. coors light answers. "anybody else" frost brewed coors light. the world's most refreshing beer. when you told me about this "candy crush" game at first i thought "so what?", but now i can't stop playing. that's not how it works. i mean it's so simple. it's like my car insurance. i saved 15% in fifteen minutes. well esurance could have saved you money in half that time. three in a row! sweet! 15 minutes for a quote isn't so sweet. level 2! start with a quote from esurance and you could save money on car insurance in half the time. welcome to the modern world. esurance, backed by allstate. click or call.
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>> welcome back to @midnight. it's time for the win. i'm wiping your scores clean. wipe, wipe, wipe. wipe wipe wipe. i will read the answers allowed. will you decide who will emerge the victor. i asked you to write a review of this nightmare massage parlor. let's see what you wrote. first one. the thing calling itself margaret was great. it gave me a saddening and terrified semen traveled backwards into the body. five star. [cheers and applause] >> chris: alright. gloves are off.
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the gloves are indeed off. or ... this video made my ass hole open and close like the mouth of a dying fish. five stars. [cheers and applause] >> chris: alright. number one is the winner. who is number one? tenacious d has done it! rock is alive. [cheers and applause] see you all tomorrow. our gets will be brody stevens, arden myrin and ron funches. until then keep the game going on twitter by tweeting us @midnight with your #newstate mottos and become tomorrow's tweet of the day. good night!
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