Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  October 23, 2014 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT

11:00 pm
>> jon: welcome to the daily show. i'm jon stewart. glad to be back. excited to be back. my guest, former secretary of defense, leon panetta a new book called ready to fight. with iesz isis. that's them. terrorist army rampaging across the middle east. an organization so vile, just thinking about it is enough to make you vomit non-stop for hours on end. sitting on the toilet drenched in sweat. i had a bad day yesterday. [ laughter ] why is it seafood newberg is not all it should be. what is it? this group is a grave threat to all of civilization. president obama: this group has terrorized all who they
11:01 pm
come across in iraq >> it's more frightening than anything i think i've seen. >> they are an imminent threat to everybody interest woo have president obama: we will hunt down terrorists wherever delay are. >> jon: wherever! even under your bed. look out! should have taken it. >> we'll have to change that. here's how serious the threat it. the entire international community is coming together to stop it. >> the united states boasts a coalition of more than 40 countries as part of this anti-isis effort. >> jon: i don't know if we're boasting. i don't know if we're boasting. yes, bigger than the average coalition. [ laughter ] if you were to measure our coalition, we don't -- you know. we don't need to measure. let's just say i haven't heard any complaints about the coalition. [ laughter ] [ applause ]
11:02 pm
>> so, two weeks after the united states started an all out bombing campaign, what has been the glorious result. >> isis is advancing quickly on the city of kobani which is right on the turkish border. isis has already prepared a huge flag to fly over kobani once it captures the city. [ laughter ] >> jon: have they taken over the city and preparing it for a rain delay? what kind of -- rolling out the tarp whenever it rains. >> i thought we were taking care of these guys. what's going on? maybe the terrain is too tough, or isis is in the shadows. >> they will fall to the militants. the isis fighter quite casually walking up to kobani. >> hey, kobani, moving through fairly open spaces. >> isis tanks, isis vehicles
11:03 pm
freely roaming around the countryside for the last five days. >> jon: isis fighters saying yoo whoo, taking numerous sunbathing breaks. what happened to the all destroy and degrade plan? don't they realize if they take over kobani, our entire yogurt supply will be in jeopardy. [ applause ] kobani is apparently a kurdish town on the border of turkey. it does not have real blueberries. my point is this. you guys said isis is the most evil thing since hitler's sliced bread. for god's sake, you broke into dancing with the stars to tell us we're hunting down members of isis wherever they are. they're burning tank don uts do
11:04 pm
a hilltop. what's up. >> the kobani could fall, and united states is not concerned. >> u.s. officials saying it's not a top priority. broadly focused, not just on one city and one town. we have to stay broadly focused. >> it's important for the united states to step back and remember our strategic objective. >> it's not a key city strategically. it matters because a lot of people get slaughtered and that's an awful thing, but isis coming to the turkish border is not a major crossing. >> jon: so kobani falls between the greatest threat we've ever seen, and a drip from a kitchen sink. >> senior war correspondent is in kobani tonight. jordan, thank you for joining us. [ jordan -- the town must be near panic. >> no, they totally get it. kobani resident told me, what
11:05 pm
are you going to do? we chose to live in a place of no strategic importance. our bad. >> jon: that sounds a little passive aggressive frankly. >> not at all. they're completely at peace. sure, you might think, border town right between our ally and our enemy might be worth staking out a tank or two, but you're wrong, jon. because you don't have a well thought out plan to fight isil. >> jon: which is what again? >> classified. or it's still in development. or -- >> jon: kobani is exceptional. >> they're doing whatever they can to streamline the process. painting targets on the roof. pre-weakening schools and hospitals. >> jon: why don't they just knock the city down themselves. >> they don't want to emasculate isil. they want to set them up to succeed. they're just loosening the lid on the jar a little. when isil comes along, it's
11:06 pm
look, honey, you're so strong, you did it all by yourself. [ laughter ] >> jon: so at this point what's the attitude in kobani toward the united states. >> it's (bleep). >> jon: jordan klepper, we'll >> jon: jordan klepper, we'll flushiq... ...toilets. with touch-free flush... ...for when things go right. and the peace of mind of... ...overflow protection for when they don't. delta flushiq toilets. see what delta can do. the smartest or nothing. the quietest or nothing.
11:07 pm
the sleekest... ...sexiest, ...baddest, ...safest, ...tightest, ...quickest, ...harshest... ...or nothing. at mercedes-benz, we do things one way or we don't do them at all. introducing the all-new c-class. the best or nothing. t-mobthan verizon and at&t. data capacity per customer it's a network that puts data where you need it most.
11:08 pm
a network designed data strong. finally, the purple pill,hr the #1 prescribed acid blocking brand, comes without a prescription for frequent heartburn. get complete protection. nexium level protection™ >> jon: welcome back. now the midterm elections --
11:09 pm
the midterm elections, and i know you're all really excited -- are only a month away. their outcome is in the hands of one constituent. >> women will decide the election. >> the importance of women. >> women will decide who gets ahold of the senate. [ applause ] >> jon: seems awfully high pitched. women are a top interest group in 2014, and in last place once again -- now usually women are a sure thing for democrats, but this year the gop is launching a rebranding effort to change that. >> republicans are trying to leverage the womens vote. >> it's a rebranding effort. >> ran an add to attract voting republicans. >> the idea sponsored by a well funded conservative group
11:10 pm
featuring women. >> a nearly $1 million campaign ad to draw young female voters to the gop. >> i'll give you $1 million to spend just five minutes in the voters booth. >> we turn to senior womens correspondent, kristen schall. kristen. [ applause ] >> thank you. >> jon: kristen, how is this republican ad campaign outreach to women going? >> it's so great, jon. republicans have finally figured out what's most important to women. men folk. women aren't just potential leaders. we see them as possible soul mates. and republicans are finally running ads to >> welcome to the candidate. actually, now must make the final decision. >> it's always my fave. reading my e-mails. >> we'll send the democrats
11:11 pm
packing. the republicans who work for her future. >> oh, my god. there's so dreamy. >> jon: so far the gop, and women think the election is just about getting into relationships? >> no, no. that's insulting. women don't just think about getting into relationships, we also think about getting out of them. like the one we're in with obama. >> 2008 i fell in love. his online profile was so perfect. i trusted him. by 2012, our relationship was in trouble. [ laughter ] >> we've all been there. >> mails and text messages, spying on me but ignoring three threats. he thinks the thing i care
11:12 pm
about is free birth control, but he won't let me keep my doctor. >> we gave him a heart and all we got was free birth control? [ applause ] >> jon: isn't that too many? >> not for democrats. [ 678 applause ] >> jon: you know this whole campaign -- [ laughter ] really opening up. >> what? >> jon: i just saw something under the table move, and then i heard them hit the floor. i don't know what happened. this whole angle. it feels like, you know when they wanted more girls to play pacman so they slipped lip stick and a bow on pacman and
11:13 pm
called is it ms. pacman. >> ms. pacman is a feminist hero. it's the idea of what a woman's body should look like. pineapples, pretzels. [ laughter ] >> jon: i didn't know her courage. >> i forgive you, john. face it, jon. republicans figured out how women's brains work. science shows this part right here is devoted to thinking about, and the small part is -- [ laughter ] >> jon: were those scientists men? >> yes. they were scientists. women scientists? whether o whoo hoo. they've designed an ad for when you meet the perfect candidate, you know right away she's the one, and then it's
11:14 pm
time for everybody little girl's wet dream to, buy the wedding dress. >> this is pfsh. > perfect. >> it's overpriced and a little outdated, but i know best. and don't forget the additional costs. there's increased taxes. >> mom, this is my decision. i see a better future with tom corbett. >> saying yes to tom corbett. >> i'm so happy for you britney. that does look so much better on me, but you look beautiful. congratulations. >> jon: this is outrageous. why don't men get these kinds of ads? >> don't worry, republicans are targeting the men the same insulting way. (bleep) (bleep) i'm up with that. we want to get you. you've got to get through the curves. senlcentrist democrat?
11:15 pm
what is that? it's so confusing. republicans, if you want to rock -- vote republican. [ laughter ] >> who was that guy? i want to vote for that guy. >> that >> jon: we'll be right back. kristen schall. we'll be right back. (vo) you are a business pro.
11:16 pm
solver of the slice. teacher of the un-teachable. you lower handicaps... and raise hopes. and from national. because only national lets you choose any car in the aisle... and go. you can even take a full-size or above, and still pay the mid-size price. (pro) nice drive. (vo) well played, business pro. well played. go national. go like a pro.
11:17 pm
the all-new mercedes-benz gla took nearly 600lbs of high- strength steel. setting industry-leading
11:18 pm
safety standards took 20,800 crash simulations. and perfecting its engine took over 1.1 million miles of extreme driving. but, this may be the most impressive number of all. introducing the all-new mercedes-benz gla. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
11:19 pm
>> jon: the director of the cia from 2009 to 2011, and then became secretary of defense until 2013. the new book is called worthy fight. welcome to the program, leon panetta. sir. [ applause ] nice to see you. you've written a book called worthy fight. talk about you. talk about your book. you were with the cia, so obviously, you already know
11:20 pm
everything about me. why? when you write a book like there, and then you want to promote it, does the president call you and say or what happens? what is the push back? >> not much. >> jon: really? they haven't called to complain and say you're speaking ill of our strategies? >> no. >> jon: really? so do you worry -- >> i was the cia director. >> jon: so they're afraid of you? let me ask you a question. what are we doing? [ laughter ] it seems like we have a relatively incoherent strategy for quite some time now. typically when you have strategies like that you change it to make it coherent. so we have an idea. we're going to fight isil.
11:21 pm
it's incredibly evil, and we're scared of them. but we're only going to fight them from the air, and only in certain places at certain times. does that sound coherent? >> i guess it will depend on what happens with kobani. you know, look, when you're dealing with something like this, and threats like this that frankly moved as quickly as it did, i think what happens in washington is, how do we move on this? how do we deal with this? how do we confront it? the president decided we're going to confront isis and put troops on the ground in iraq and try to train the iraqi security force. >> jon: not troops on the ground. we're calling them advisers. >> yeah, but they wear boots. [ laughter ]
11:22 pm
[ applause ] >> jon: we have troops on the ground in iraq. but apparently syria which is generally their safe haven is a separate entity. >> it is. syria is chaos right now. nobody quite knows who's in the opposition, how many numbers there are. that's how isis developed. so that strategy is, you know, we have decided -- the president has decided that we're going to go in and train and try to arm those elements that hopefully will represent a more moderate opposition force that can then help us in defining the targets there and going after isis in searia. it's going to be a much tougher challenge. no question. >> jon: what are we to make of the difference between the rhetoric that we hear and the reality? because the rhetoric is, we're in the fight of our lives. this is an extential threat,
11:23 pm
but we're not going to involve the whole country. it seems like they're trying to get the go ahead to do what they want to do without making the commitment and getting the entire country involved in whatever this battle is. >> jon, i think when we confront this kind of threat, and because it's going to be long and sustained, this is not going to happen -- we're not going to be able to win this overnight. this is going to take years to be able to do this. i think the president has to prepare the country for a long and sustained battle against isis, and i think the best way to do it, frankly, would be to have congress, republicans and democrats come together to give him the authorization. >> jon: what was the name again? congress? >> those guys that are up on the hill that can't decide what to do.
11:24 pm
>> jon: so here's what they do. we're in the fight of our lives. they don't come back from a recess to debate this on the floor. how in god's name can that be okay? >> well, everybody is going through the dance as to whether or not they should do it. you know, we'd like to do it. we think it's the right thing to do. we would welcome it happening. i think frankly, the president should say to the congress, come back, let's make a decision here with regards to the authorization to take this on. >> jon: what about the congress? they're not babies. they can call themselves back. they don't have to be invited to the capitol building to do this. >> well, unfortunately, this congress has a hard time trying to find the bathroom. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jon: and it brings me to another idea. if only we had kept 5,000
11:25 pm
troops in iraq and trained some syrian rebels, none of this would be happening? to my mind, that seems unbelievably unrealistic. we were in iraq 10 years, and spent trillion dollars, and the idea that this one small solution would have completely avoided this crisis is incredible. yet you have senators out there championing it as though it's dogma. >> no one knows what the results would be. i happen to believe we should have maintained a presence there, because frankly, we didn't know whether the iraqis security and intelligence forces would, in fact, continue to move in the right direction to protect their country. and i think it would have been better to be there and put on pressure. >> jon: they wouldn't give our troops immunity. >> no, prime minister maliki said if we need an agreement to protect the troops, and
11:26 pm
maliki continued to resist it, and said weerkd have you do this, but i'm not sure. i have to send it to the parliament, and it was obvious that he continueed to oppose it. at the same time, i think probably we could have -- with the leverage we had on him, we could have pushed them a little more in the direction. >> jon: but did he have the leverage in his own country. his coalition was weak to begin with. the sunnis didn't care for him. >> he was playing the shia game which is basically, i'm going to confront the sunnis. i would rather do it without the united states present. >> jon: the shiite -- one of the worst children games ever made. [ laughter ] will you stick around. i know you have a book party to go to. stick around, and we'll talk about this. worthy fight is on the bookshelves. leon panetta. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. [ applause ]
11:27 pm
guinness master brewers tproudly introduce new guinness blonde american lager. deliciously crisp and flavorful, brewed with mosaictm and willamette american hops and using centuries old guinness brewing artistry and traditions. the first addition in the new guinness discovery series. discover a new age of brewing excellence for yourself. new guinness blonde american lager.
11:28 pm
the smartest or nothing. the quietest or nothing. the sleekest... ...sexiest, ...baddest, ...safest, ...tightest, ...quickest, ...harshest... ...or nothing. at mercedes-benz, we do things one way or we don't do them at all. introducing the all-new c-class. the best or nothing. and this is the new ♪this is iphone 6 plus. 6. they're the biggest iphones ever made. they're huge. yeah, but their size is just the beginning. even though they're huge. sure, sure. but they could change the way you see the world. oh, that is so huge. they could improve your health. huge! they're the biggest, most powerful iphones ever made.
11:29 pm
huuuuuuuggggeee! huuuuuuuggggeee! stop it, please. huuuuuuuggggeee! stop it... thank you. ♪ huge.♪
11:30 pm
comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh >> jon: that's the show. by the way, before we go, i want to give it up for jason jones and samantha, apparently they called and those two stepped up, and knocked it out of the park. i really appreciate it. anyway, here it is, the moment of zen. >> tom corbett is perfect. and just praise. the rich guys. it's perfect.
11:31 pm
(cheers and applause) >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report! good to have you with us! good to have you! (cheers and applause) ladies and gentlemen, please, sit down. folks, folks, let me say colbert nation, on this night,


info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on