tv The Daily Show Comedy Central January 25, 2016 11:00pm-11:32pm PST
from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this ised daily show with trevor noah. (cheers and captioning sponsored by comedy central applause). >> trevor: welcome to the daily show! i'm trevor noah. thank you so much. thank you so much. we've got a great show for you tonight. french comedian superstar gad elmaleh is here, everybody. (applause) and i just want to say thank you to every single one of you in the audience for coming out on such a freezing cold day. thank you very much. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: yeah. new york city got over 26 inches of snow on saturday. or two million sent meters. i haven't taken the time to learn your thing.
so everyone, yeah, had to go indoors for the weekend. but don't worry, thanks to the news, we knew how to pass the time. >> everyone is stuck indoors. praption a little netflix and chill. >> netflix and chill. >> i like that. >> the ultimate weekend for netflix and dhil. >> what's your plan for the rest of the day. >> netflix and chill, baby. >> trevor: you know what i love, that guy was the only one who actually knew what netflix and chill means. because netflix and chill is a euphemism which involves neither netflix nor chilling. it's [bleep], that's what it is. so all these reporters are on tv busy going big blizzard coming in. you going to bleep, you going to [bleep]. >> yeah, yeah, it's snowing. if it's snowing i'm [bleep]. (laughter) now of course even with the blizzard shutting down washington d.c., the presidential campaign is reaching its climb axe, well, the first of many cli maxes. but this one is special because the buildup has taken so long.
our polls are literally turning blue. fortunately, fortunately sweet relief is in sight. >> it's the final stretch to iowa. >> it's crunch time in iowa, new hampshire. >> the new york billionaire surging past ted cruz there. >> marco rubio, ben carson and rand paul behind, jeb bush, the latest iowa poll out from cnn has him at three percent. >> trevor: yeah, you see that there, see that there sth see that there? trump is crushing it. yeah. and these people here, they have got so few followers that if they were on twitter they would be eggs. that is what they would be. and now i know there are a lot of people out there thinking is there anything trump could do at this stage to hurt the chances that he has of winning? and you know what? he is thinking the same thing. >> i have the most loyal people. did you ever see that, about i could stand in the middle of fifth avenue and shoot somebody and i wouldn't lose any voters, okay. it's like incredible.
>> trevor: you guys are booing now, let's see how confident you are walking down fifth avenue and you see donald trump. (laughter) he's a presidential candidate boasting that he could walk out on to a crowded street and murder someone and still be elected president. that's basically what he said. that's the kind of confidence american voters are looking for. that's what they want. and with a frontrunner like donald trump you would think that for other candidates any attention is good attention. unfortunately, some people get noticed for the wrong reasons. for example, carly fiorina currently polling at 1 percent in iowa. this campaign is starting to make her tenure at hp look like a resounding success. >> her campaign is dismissing claims she ambushed a group of preschoolers on a field trip. the preschoolers are visiting the bot an gal kardz enwhere the someone says the campaign ushered them in for a staged
antiabortion rally. >> trevor: look, how desperate can a person be. i know you are trying to prove a point. but tricking kids into joining your antiabortion rally, that is just disgusting. like even witches take kids to ginger bread houses, at least, you know, the kids are like i mean, yeah, she tried to eat me but at least it didn't get political. and you know what, i'm going to give you the warning that those kids never got. carly fiorina is not safe for young audiences. >> four year old boy was sitting at carly fee's feet as she discussed her support for the unborn child protection act and desire to defund planned parenthood. >> planned parent hoodz clinic were alter late-term abortion for the purposes of harvesting body parts. >> trevor: holy [bleep], carly. what is crazy is carly fiorina can say that to a room full of preschoolers, and i can't say holy [bleep] carly on tv without being bleeped.
that's bleep bleep that's [bleep] up. charley fiorina spends all her time preparing about protecting unborn children but clearly born children are fair game. she's like brng them in. it's time that they know. maybe this close to the election fiorina is not worried about the kids because after all they are not registered to vote. but their parents are. >> one parent told the guardian the move showed very poor taste. >> disgust, and anger. >> chris bek doesn't understand how his son's daycare field trip to the botanical center wound up in the middle of a campaign event. >> my son just wants to watch cartoons and play his toys. >> trevor: just imagine how that must feel as a parent. you think your child is going on a field trip to look at flowers. and the next thing you see them on the news at an antiabortion event. i'm shocked. i am shocked! i always thought time was
prochoice. (laughter) but as crazy as this may sound, carl fiorina isn't the most desperate candidate in this race. that spot is reserved for jeb bush, now polling in the low single digits. i mean he's so desperate he's even released his own fragrance for men. des operation, for when being yourself just isn't enough. jeb bush-- smells like george bush. sorry. jeb bush and his reporters have spent more money on ads than any other can the das in this race and the results are surprising. >> and as "politico" reports, multiple advisors from the right to rise superpac concede privately that the $40 million spent on positive ads aimed at telling bush's story yielded no tangible dividends.
as one bush supporter told "politico," you might as well light all this money on fire. >> trevor: do you know how messed up [bleep] has to be for someone to say you should have just burned your money. you know what is crazy, that would have been more effective for jeb bush because at least then people would have gathered around him for the warmth of the fire. yeah, no, people notice the fire, not jeb bush. that is such an insane amount of money. 40 million. you know how many things, jeb bush could have been the president of his own island for $40 million. cohave done something krukive, he could have bought the residents of flint michigan a new water system, $40 million. he could have done something. the point is, whatever he spends it on will have been better spent than what he actually spent it on. >> a video mailer that placed a 15 minute jeb bush documentary sent to supporters and potential donors. >> trevor: what?
like-- i-- pure jeb, man. he's so desperate for his videos to go viral he is willing to physically mail them to your house. you would know that is not how videos go viral, right. the worst thing is someone mailed him back a thumbs down. and i wish theres with a saddest thing swreb has done so far. but it's not. this is. >> on friday jeb bush unveiled a new video with his mother when push comes to shove, people are going to realize jeb has real solutions rather than talking about how popular they are. of all the people running, he seems to be the one who could solve the problem. >> trevor: he seems to be the one-- even his mom is like i don't know. i -- he seems-- of all of those people running, he seems, like his own mom doesn't know who he is. and who on jeb bush's staff
thought that thats with a good idea? you know what will make jeb look less desperate, getting his mom to speak on his behalf. it is like a guy getting his mom to hit people up on tinder for him. my son, my son is dtf, dedicated to freedom. when you-- mail inipad and your mom comes out to speak for you, you've got to hope it at least makes a dent. >> during a stop in manchester it's clear swreb bush is fighting for every vote. >> who are you voting for? >> i don't know yet. >> oh, come on. >> trevor: oh come on. (laughter) oh come on! didn't you hear what my mom said. oh, come on. oh, well, hey. i think someone's got their new campaign slogan. we'll be right back.
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conservatives can't get used to it just listen. >> it's putting us down a slippery slope. >> a slippery slope which i think are you seeing now. >> what is at the bottom of that slippery slope, ask conservative activist jackson. >> what you say-- once you say that homosexuality is the equivalent of heterosexuality, well, then, why wouldn't someone else who maybe has a different sexual preference, for example, beast yality, incest, say wait a minute what about me. >> a slippery slope. >> yeah. >> the acceptance of homosexual marriages will lead to the acceptance of pedestrian feel ya, beast yality, incest. >> absolutely. >> cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy style, blow job. >> well, look, i don't think it's stretching to say at some point that's probably going to happen. >> going to happen? try already happening. in pennsylvania at this very moment a father trying to marry his own son. i went to confront this abusive dad but first i had to figure
out who was the dad. >> okay, which one is the father, which one is the son, i can't tell. >> i'm the father and he's the son. >> dude, are you being held against your will here. >> no. >> blink twice. >> no. >> i will call and get you out of this situation. you don't have to live like this. >> no. >> we just want to make it official, marriagewise, we know. >> let me ask you this. why are you banging your son? >> buy logically he's not my son. i adopted drew a few years ago. >> i can relate, kind of. my dad told me i was adopted even though i wasn't. >> well then, you had an issue with your father. >> yeah, no kidding. >> we don't have issues. we've been tolg for 45 years. >> what the [bleep] is going on here. >> we are just your typical average elderly gay couple. >> so they are just regular superold gay guys like the other gay couples who couldn't get married and had to result to adopting their partners just to fulfill their perverted desires. >> we wanted to gain legitimacy of a family and some of the
legal benefits that come along with adoption. >> you have lower inheritance tax and hospital advickityation rights. >> oh my god, these guys had some human equality fetish. i couldn't wait to tell jackson he was right. >> i just met this gay couple where the older guy adopted the younger guy. >> if a heterosexual coup disel that i think we would want to put them in jail thsm is back door proof that there is something fundamentally wrong with trying to redefine marriage. >> back door, nice. >> yeah, jackson knew what time it was. >> meanwhile captain crochet over here was on the verge of completely abandoning his duties as a father. >> we went to court to ask them if they would get rid of this adoption so we could get married. >> why do you want to give up your son. >> is he not my son. >> why do you keep saying he's not your son. >> he's not my son. >> you are going to abandon your son. >> he's not my son. >> just because you have some creative endeavor, you want to pursue like comedy cuz he likes
to make people laugh and he might end on up on "the daily show," sure he's not a host. but he's a correspondent, isn't that enough. why is nothing ever good enough? you can't give up on your son like that. dad. >> i think anyoneo finally understood the pain he was causing drew. as for jackson, he also had to face a tough decision. tolerate gay marriage or incest. >> a man should not be adopting another man as his son. that's prepost russ. >> so they should be able to mary. >> no, there is no such thing as same-sex marriage. >> i'm pretty sure there is. >> well, the supreme court may have said t the president may have said t the people may have said it. >> yes. >> but god has said there isn't and so there isn't. >> but there is. >> look, i can't enter into an agreement to become a mcdonald's sandwich. because i'm not. i could smell like a mcdonald's sandwich but can i never be a
mcdonald's sandwich. and so two men can never be a marriage. >> gay marriage is like trying to be a mcdonald's sandwich. >> except people i think get some level of nutrition from mcdonald's sandwiches. >> sounds like somebody wants to bang a big mac. speaking of unfulfilled desires anyoneo and drew's effort to annul their adoption has turned into a bureaucratic nightmare as their petition gets tasked from one court to another. >> in the mean time we are stuck in the father son relationship until we get a decision in our favor. >> stuck. you guys aren't stuck. you have to cherish this father son relationship while you still can. >> we're really not interested in keeping this relationship. >> come on guys, think of all the fun you can have. >> absolutely not. >> no way. >> watching them make father son memories brought tears to my
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>> that was the fastest exit i have ever seen. >> yeah. >> you waste nod time. >> i was excited. this is-- we see this on tv in france, for me this is america. we don't drink and this. so i'm going to drink in this mug. >> it is not-- i need it. >> oh please, it's not-- here. >> thanks for having me on the show. >> trevor: it's from flint, michigan. >> thank you, thanks for having me, trevor. >> trevor: thank you for being here. let's start at the beginning. >> yeah. >> trevor: for people who have no clue who are you, which is %-pf the world. and these people also. >> trevor: there are some people who know you who are. >> really? (applause). >> trevor: and there are some liars as well. no, but you are a superstar in not just france. which other countries do you
tour in? >> north africa where i was born, by the way. europe, morocco, i live in france. >> trevor: i told you. >> that's great. >> i was born in north africa. right. i don't have as much. >> trevor: no. it didn't go down as well. >> but for americans, it is easy to know that your country is in south africa because africa is in the same of the country. >> trevor: that's why we named it like that but morocco, they don't really know. >> trevor: do people not know. >> no. >> trevor: they think it's like middle east. >> no. >> trevor: where do they think morocco is. >> they don't think. they just-- they think of monaco or sounds like-- . >> trevor: that's very different. that is like a lot of money. >> that not that morocco doesn't have money but a lot more money. >> be careful. >> trevor: it does. so gad elmaleh is touring around the world. you are a more octoberan comic but living in france. i mean you speak how many lan
gaings. >> four,. >> trevor: i speak six but that's not-- dish mean, this is. >> okay. >> trevor: this is you. what other languages, french, english. >> french, english, hebrew, arabic and-- for which language that whooo i speak four languages. >> trevor: do you tour in all of those. >> yeah. >> trevor: what is your favorite language to do comedy in? >> now english, really, really, really. >> trevor: he's pandering, people. >> i'm on american tv. you think i am-- . >> trevor: you just pand erred to them. exactly. who are you. >> who are you voting for. >> trevor: who am i voting for. >> gad elmaleh, come on. >> trevor: okay. so the show, like this is what blows my mind and a lot of people don't understand. this not only are you a comedian comes from another country, i came as an african comedian that nobody knew. but you also moved into speaking another language, doing comedy
in a completely foreign language. where do you even start? >> okay, i had to learn english, all right. because sometimes people say oh, there is a lot of similarities with trevor noah. are you both from another country. and he was familiar news his country but i had to learn english. you already speak english. >> trevor: i did. >> do you understand my english right now? yeah. (applause) >> so and you know, really, it was really, it is something crazy that i'm doing right now, you know. and it's new, it's very exciting. and why am i doing this? to be honest with you, you want the american answer? its-- . >> trevor: i want the real answer. >> real answer? no, i'm going to give you the american one. >> trevor: the american one. >> i need to challenge myself. (laughter) (applause). >> trevor: was that an american accent, that sounded like an american person doing a french accent of a person doing
an american ak sen. >> born in morocco. that is the east coast version of it. you want the west coast. it's my passion project. (laughter) that's why i'm doing it. >> trevor: oh, man. >> if they are watching the show on the west coat right now. >> trevor: not right now. we are taping it and then-- then it's three hours behind. >> we disn know that. my mom is watching right now. >> trevor: this show? >> yeah. not now, i mean-- . >> trevor: of course. well. >> hi, mom. and if you are not mom, you can see gad perform standup at joe's pub in new york city through june. superfuny, gad elmaleh, everybody. (applause)
>> larry: tonightly, could shoot someone and still retain his popularity with republicans. i mean, hey it worked for dick cheney. [laughter] a man wearing a turban is kicked out of a trump event. so does that mean i should halt production of my new trump turbans? [laughter] and the donald retweets a neo-nazi twitter account called "white-genocide-tm." t-m? apparently the one thing that guy hates more than jews and blacks is copyright infringement. let's do this. this is the nightly show! captioning sponsored by comedy central