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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  March 3, 2016 9:00am-9:37am PST

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[♪] captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheers and applause] >> larry: thank you very much. oh, thank you so much. so kind. so kind, thank you so much. welcome to "the nightly show." thank you so much. the after larrys are really pal
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on the show performing a song about flint, michigan. we have not forgotten about you. so black history month is over and we celebrated by trying to get a brother out of the white house. it's time to see what's happening with the unblackening. that's right it's hangover wednesday. the morning after super tuesday. man, america got drunk last night, man. god i hope we didn't do anything stupid. >> the donald winning seven of the 11 states tightening his grip on the republican nomination and winning from arkansas to massachusetts. >> sorry, guys.
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i think i'm going to be knauss nauseous for a while for all the nerds who know the difference. before i throw up let's take a moment to acknowledge presidential candidate and grandma muenster look-alike ted cruz. >> for the candidates who have not yet won a state or racked up significant delegates i ask you to prayfully consider our coming together united. >> prayerfully consider? i hate the way this [bleep]. he just slyly throws out religious references to suggest god is on his side. cruz, your slogan is trus-ted but you haven't been anointed
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and your chances of winning are exaggera-ted. because your opinion of yourself is infla-ted. most the time you look like you're constipa-ted. and the thought of you makes me nausea-ted. see i did it again. and instead of having you your dad should have masterba-ted. so give it up, ted, no one's looking out for you because republicans and democrats agree your ha-ted. anyhow back to the front-runner. sorry, between his tan and hands it looks like he's stuck five golf pencils in his unripe
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clementine. last night instead of a victory speech trump decided to have a press conference. what's the big announcement. >> i have a bigger heart than anybody. >> larry: what? trump got a big heart? i love that everything trump has has to be bigger than everybody's not everyone realizing an enlarged heart is a sign of heart disease. i have the biggest prostate of anybody i know. my prostate's huge. all right, so i'll take you at your word you have a big heart look how big your heart was when you had the black girl kicked out of your rally. >> get out. >> larry: i guess those are trump's big lungs yelling get out.
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what is alabama fantasy camp but on the bright side nobody touched your hair i honestly haven't seen this much uncheck the profiling of black people well, since the trump rally held the day before. >> i also wanted to ask about a group of valdostrak students. >> small hands, big heart, large [bleep] hole. huge. huge. now things are much funnier on the democratic side. >> hillary clinton is the winner in georgia and virginia as well. hillary clinton is the winner and is the winner in alabama and tennessee. >> what a super tuesday. >> what a clever play on words.
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two weeks ago when she lost she was like what an ash wednesday. now, bernie won some states but hilary has 40% of what she needs to become nominee. she's now turning her attention to the national campaign. we got nothing but substance. hilary, what do we need in america? >> what we need in america today is more love and kindness. >> larry: love and kindness? is she giving a speech at burning man? woodstock? actually to clarify love and kindness is what she calls her biceps. and hilary even sent love and kindness bernie's way. well not so much love and kindness as passive and aggressive. >> as long as senator sanders
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remains in the primary he'll continue to win but it will make little difference they need to start winning everywhere and by large margins this is why it's hard to close the large gap in delegates. >> larry: man, that's the nicest way to tell bernie sanders has no [bleep] chance. ouch. let's check in at clinton campaign headquarters. welcome back staffer. >> she has gone into hibernation. we've been instructed not to wake her up until june. >> larry: june? she hasn't knocked down the nomination yet bernie can still win this thing, carlos.
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>> what's that now? >> bernie sanders. >> come on, all right. i'm behind in my reading. i haven't gotten to yesterday's news. he should have some fun i say. yay for fun. >> larry: you seem to be mocking this whole thing. you're not taking this very seriously. >> no, we're taking donald trump very seriously. that's why she's resting up. big fight ahead. >> larry: so the hilary camp is suggesting bernie should drop out. guys think it's all over? >> no, it's the exact opposite of what i'm saying. we want bernie and his supporters to feel the burn or whatever for as long as they want until the overwhelming power of delegate math brings us back to the world we all live. >> larry: i don't believe what you're saying. it sounds like you're saying that so they don't turn against hilary in the general election.
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>> no, we have nothing but love and kindness for bernie supporters. >> larry: you're so full of [bleep]. you say that but your tone is saying something completely different. >> really? no. secretary clinton isn't his enemy. his enemy is math? >> larry: how? >> he can take it up with rene descartes. >> larry: how, he's dead? >> he's dead and certain people's campaigns are dead. >> larry: there you go, you're doing it again. >> sick bern. the point is hilary has nothing but love and kindness for bernie. >> larry: i don't believe -- hey, what's the smell? >> she has awoken. >> larry: wait, hilary? >> oh, god. oh, my god. that sounded like a bed frame be
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snapped in two. sleeping only made her stronger. i have to hide. >> larry: carlos jordanson everybody. everybody. we'll right back. ♪ (cell phone rings) where are you? well the squirrels are back in the attic. mom? your dad won't call an exterminator... can i call you back, mom? he says it's personal this time... if you're a mom, you call at the worst time. it's what you do. if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. where are you? it's very loud there. are you taking a zumba class? meet jimmy. he just got his license and look at him. he's already restoring this beast himself. he's gets specialized tools from our free "loan-a-tool" program. with our help you can always fix your car with confidence. hoods up america. nice. for crash survival, subaru has developed ours
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>> welcome back. nightly show contributor jordan carlos and nightly show contributor francessca ramsey. and a rapper and activist of flint, michigan, jon connor. and join us in the conversation at #nightly. we wanted to catch up with the water crisis in flint. the most recent update is the string of the damning e-mails from last year which is have now
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resurfaced. from communications director hegean holland it won't do any good to invest in water infrastructure if we're finding window sills with teeth marks. teeth marks? how do thoughts like this even formulated? >> i don't know are the houses in flint made of delicious gingerbread? outside of that it's stereotypical and terrible and shows how out of touch politicians are with the people of flint. it's not supposed to work like that. >> i was going say for me i don't care where teeth marks are. i don't care. everybody deserves clean water. everybody deserves -- you know what i mean. there's nothing they can say to make me understand the rationalizing of not treating human beings as human beings.
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>> larry: at the probably treat animals better. >> i feel like the way they can spin this is people who don't want to care poor people let alone poor black people but spin it like the animals or the dogs. oh, my god. the dogs are drinking water and it's sad that's what people care about. >> larry: you have to get sara mclachlan into michigan. >> with me i'm just a humanitarian. i'm all about humans that's the message i portray i don't know how many people opposed to rich people on 9/11 it's they were humans or rich or poor people are in ferguson or hurricane katrina in new orleans. these are people. these are human lives and flint, michigan can be any city across america. >> larry: but if this did happen in a city like beverly hills
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wouldn't last a week. that's my point. those piped would be changed immediately. rodeo drive was have sparkling water in the gutters. >> it's the pourlessness. >> that's the thing. it's not an anomaly it's a preview there's 10 million businesses and homes with lead contaminants or made of lead. >> i think this could happen later and have a national plan. it's not going to be a one-time thing. it will happen later on. >> jackson, mississippi in fact which is where my mom's from shoutout to jackson, mississippi they switched their water as well and when they did that in 2014 two years later they found lead in the water to save a couple bucks like in friend. do you think enough is being done? what more can we do. people are like man, that's too
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bad but what can the average person do? >> first i want to say i appreciate platforms like this and entertainers bringing awareness to it and people caring and make a fuss about it. reach out to government officials hash tag it, tweet it, somebody in utah don't know what steps to take and bringing the awareness to it and the more we talk about it the more people will get off their [bleep] and do something about it. >> larry: i agree. let me give you more out#0>?é them. another e-mail wrote this is a public relations crisis because of a real or perceived problem
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is irrelevant. >> i don't think this is the best way to describe it is not a p.r. disaster. there's kids with brain damage from the lead poisoning and to say it's a p.r. disaster is minimizing. >> larry: for the justice for flint benefit how's the mood on the ground? >> i compare it so like when somebody tries to cheer you up after a funeral. okay we had a good time and shared some laughs but we're still dealing with the reality we have to use bottled water to take a shower and going back to what you were saying about a p.r. disaster it's more personal because my mother's still there and cousins and aunts and uncles are still there. just imagine taking a shower with you have to have 34 bottles of water.
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>> are we talking fiji, aqua fina. >> dasani. >> just think about that. for me it's not a p.r. disaster. it's real. we are a city in america. you can't just -- there's no publicist or cameras in my mother's house. when all the hash tags and headlines go away my mother still has to go through that. >> larry: we're going keep talking about it and you're going to do a song about it. we'll be right back okay. >> if you live in the new york city area or plan a visit grab free tickets to the nightly free tickets to the nightly show (engine winding up) (pilot talking to tower on radio) once you get out here... there's just one direction... forward. one time:
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and get up to 50 free quotes. choose the lowest and hit purchase. now...if you'll excuse me, i'm late for an important function. saving humanity from high insurance rates. >> larry: welcome back.
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rapper flint native jon connor resourced a song starring keke palmer called fresh water for flint with the emotions people in flint are feeling about the water crisis here to perform it live for the first time please welcome jon connor and keke palmer. >> nightly show, i go by the name jon connor and a bitty city called flint that's in michigan for those that don't know and we're going through a situation where there's actually poison in the water. we're getting sick because of it. my job is an artist is to give a voice to the voices. ♪ look, they want me to talk
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about these fake crimes and these hate crimes ♪ ♪ how am i supposed to care about overseas when locally ♪ ♪ everybody in my city and state dying ♪ ♪ they wanna act like it ain't happening or like i'm just rapping ♪ ♪ like i'm gonna watch y'all kill my city and y'all wasn't gonna get a reaction ♪ ♪ oh no ♪ every time i go visit for christmas it seems like there's more houses that's missing ♪ ♪ it looks like it's more houses that's boarded ♪ ♪ oh, i'm supposed to not say nothing bout the fact there's poison all in our water ♪ ♪ it look like population control or they don't really care well that's how i call it ♪ ♪ oh no ♪ my city been messed up for a long time where we draw the line ♪ ♪ it's like they've been saying forget us for a long time ♪ ♪ more kids go to jail than to colleges ♪ ♪ they act like they don't see what the problem is ♪ ♪ look, in flint we resilient reality is everyday we were living like hostages ♪ ♪ for you this is a topic on twitter for me listen this where my mama is ♪ ♪ it's like an experiment on us to see if we break while they see where the bottom is ♪ ♪ oh they probably ain't gonna like the language but i'm tired of feeling like human life don't matter if you ain't famous ♪ ♪ i speak for the people my people is happy i made it ♪ ♪ it ain't about races they make it seem so complicated ♪ ♪ when the water is killing our baby the message you sending is killing our spirit ♪ ♪ you saying we ain't worth saving my papa put 40 years in that shop, my ma put 30 years in that shop ♪
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now you turn your head and act like you forgot ♪ ♪ it's like we don't matter, nah we don't matter, i just got badder ♪ ♪ i'm trying to restore my faith in my pastor and they wonder why and they wonder why we rebel ♪ ♪ we ain't never lived a fairytale we feel like somebody help us, god help us or we finna give em hell ♪ ♪ woke up outta my sleep last night trying to figure out where we went wrong ♪ ♪ they testing my faith right now all i know is i gotta hold on ♪ ♪ when its said and done i'm gone get up we just got be what we just gotta be strong ♪ and i ain't quitting i ain't giving up gotta keep my head up till the pain is gone ♪ >> y'all, make some noise for the beautiful keke palmer. nightly show i need two fingers in the sky for peace and human life one time. no matter what race, creed, color, religion you are no life
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is disposable. everybody matters to somebody. real quick one time let's go. ♪ we just gotta be strong ♪ got to keep my head up till the pain is gone ♪ >> thank you so much. [cheers and applause] action! sweetheart, don't look at me like that, it's gonna be amazing.
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this is a disaster! who's the genius who puts a girl in heels on a subway grate? miss monroe, eat a snickers. why? you get a little cranky when you're hungry. better? much better. this scene will never make the cut, morons. sorry, just getting a quote on motorcycle insurance from progressive. yeah? yeah, they have safe rider discounts, and with total loss coverage, i get a new bike if mine's totaled. but how's their customer service? great. 24/7. just like here. meat loaf! [dings bell] just like here. anybody got a pack... that needs leadin'? serving all your motorcycle insurance needs. now, that's progressive. searching for a great used car? you got it. just say, show me millions of used cars for sale at the all-new where now you can search with the power of carfax®.
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>> larry: thanks to our guest and jon connor and keke palmer.
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before we go you i have to keep it one hundred. would you rather have dinner with stacey dash or clarence thomas. okay. that is a tough one. >> come on, man >> larry: it's pretty easy. clarence thomas because he hasn't talked for a long time. thanks a lot of. don't forget to keep it one hundred questions and flint, michigan don't forget to keep talking about it. good night everyone. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh
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>> donald trump claims victory all ever the map. >> donald trump had a fantastic night. >> it looks like we're going to have trump as the nominee. >> i had a huge victory. >> a big night for donald trump. >> i feel awfully good. >> do you ever wonder what it's like to be inside of trevor noah's head? well, i don't, because i am. donald trump could be president! this is the best thing that's ever happened to us. think of all the jokes. trump is the biggest gift to comedy since anthony weaner. >> joy, are you kidding me? >> hi, anger. >> we flew all the way from south africa for this ( bleep )? america has 300 million people to choose from and they pick literally the worst guys. what, was bill cosby not interested? >> think about trump pardoning


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