tv The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore Comedy Central March 22, 2016 2:10am-2:41am PDT
welcome to the nightly show. so good to see you guys. i'm larry wilmore. before we get to our top story, i have to mention march madness. >> here we go, boys! march madness basketball 2016! it's boner time! >> larry: i forgot. there is an explosion. (laughter) yup! boner time's back, you guys! for those of you not hip to our competition, here's how it goes. i have a dare for every sweet sixteen team in the ncaa tournament. that's right, 16 teams, 16 dares. every time a team wins, that dare advances, all the way to the championship. whichever team wins is the dare i'll have to do. last year the duke blue devils won and i had to do the show in spandex. (cheers and applause) ahh the memories... and the chafing. so this year, if gonzaga wins, then i'll have to do a choreographed dance to "formation."
(cheers and applause) that one comes from hannah kerman. you really hate me, don't you hannah? it's great you guys have been sending these in. there's a lot of other dares, from me having to dress up as a klingon, to me having to host the show drunk. that is my favorite one. i think that might be si syracu. not for sure. check out all of the sweet sixteen dares on the nightly show website. and follow along on twitter with the hashtag "dare larry" to see my fate as the competition unfolds. big news, guys. today marks the most consequential day in u.s.-cuba relations since bill clinton took a cigar and uh... yeah. (laughter) you know, he'll make a wonderful first gentleman. >> for the first time in nearly nine decades, a sitting american president is waking up in cuba. president obama's historic arrival in havana yesterday ends decades of isolation between the u.s. and cuba. >> larry: you know, according to fox news, obama's sitdown with castro marks the first time an evil communist dictator has met
with the leader of cuba. (laughter) fox news, man. fox news, telling the truth! (applause) yeah, i know! same thing (bleep) is true. up in the stands, you know what i'm talking about, right. there was a bit of an awkward moment when castro was finishing ducking a question on human rights violations. cheek thi-- check this out. (laughter) >> larry: what was that, obama? like this makes your arm invisible, by going limp? oh, i don't want you to do that... let me give you some advice, mr. president: if you don't want fox news to call you cuba's puppet, don't act like a marionette.
human rights, they went -- (laughter) of course, many are criticizing obama for going to cuba when the nation still has a horrendous record on human rights. >> when president obama is there with hollywood celebrities and rock musicians, drinking mojitos at the embassy, the political prisoners who are languishing are left behind by this president. >> larry: speaking of political prisoners, how about that middle school class having to listen to your speech there? (applause) yes, the-walking-ted cruz says he's offended by all the political prisoners in cuba... except when he's calling for more prisoners in cuba for political reasons. mm-hmm... but big picture, opening up relations will result in pumping money into the region, which will help people, right? >> you know the fear among anybody who's ever been there or cares about the cuban people, as so many of us do, the last thing
they need is a taco bell and a lowe's. are we about to get up in there and ruin that place? >> larry: get up in there and ruin that place? (laughter) is this reporting or shep smith live-sexting? (laughter) yeah, i'm about to get up in there and ruin that place. (cheers and applause) this line of thinking gets to me because it totally discounts the poverty and quality of life that the cuban people have dealt with. yes, cubans have old cars and no wifi, and that's very cool... unless you're cuban! is capitalist influence going to make cuba different? yes, but it's not a poor zoo here for our benefit, where we
can go to gawk at the authentic poor people in their natural habitat. don't change it! don't change it! cubans are people too, and they're our neighbors, and if they want an applebee's, i say we let them eat good in the neighborhood. okay, to find out more about how the locals are reacting to the president's visit to cuba, we check in with our very own grace parra. >> hi larry. (cheers and applause) >> larry: hey, grace! i am here in hot, hot, havana, where everybody is talking about one thing, cuba! ♪ ♪ >> larry: okay, grace, i know you love doing the nightly nightly. we sent you to cuba to offer your unique perspective as a latina-american. >> oh! okay, let me try again: hola, larry, estoy aquií en habana muy calurosa, donde todos estaán hablando sobre una cosa: cuba. ♪ (cheers and applause) >> larry: grace, grace-- english, please.
now please, focus on the story. >> don't worry, larry. i am on top of all of it. the cigars, the fashion, and the clothing. >> larry: that's the same thing! and what does fashion have to do with visiting cuba? >> well raul castro's looking dictator chic in his monochromatic two-piece. i guess he likes his wardrobe like he likes his cafe de cuba-- caliente! ♪ (laughter) >> larry: grace, this is a serious issue! please stop that, grace! thank you. many people are upset obama's in cuba because of the human rights violations plaguing the country. >> the only human rights violation i've noticed, larry, is no wifi. ♪ nightly nightly ♪ >> larry: i don't know what you're doing right now! grace, focus. focus. listen to me -- listen to me.
focus. okay. cuban-american relations have been troubled since the '60s. please, just give me one serious insight about the state of cuba today. >> okay. >> larry: thank you. um -- >> larry: yes? well... okay. okay. okay. okay. after mesmerizing america with charm and vitality, cuba languished for decades in forced obscurity. but as of 2016, cuba is flush with new money and opportunities. >> larry: good. see, you can talk about cuba. >> cuba gooding junior, that is (laughter) oh, larry! will the jerry maguire star say "show me the emmy" for his turn as o.j? a jury of my peers says "guilty!"
can't get unlimited data for your family? other carriers either don't offer it, or it's too expensive! not t-mobile! get three lines of unlimited 4g lte data for just fifty bucks each, and get a fourth line, free! hurry. only at t-mobile. and not a freezer for my leftover christmas gravy? check the freezer freezer. oh! let's get this chardonnay and gravy party started. (squeak and giggle) i provide for my family. i will use my education to help my community. i will inspire our next generation of leaders. i am a college student, but i am only 1%. only 1% of college students are american indian. donate now, and help our numbers grow.
phenomenon happening in the trump campaign, and i'm not talking about the trump campaign. it's about some of his followers. >> you have a lot of black people supporting trump. >> larry: black people supporting trump? (laughter) so where are these black people? well, i had some of them in my studio the other day, where i asked them the simple question: what the (bleep) are you thinking? i just want to ask a very straight question from the beginning. why do you support donald trump? >> i used to be a democrat, let me say first, and i lost faith in our party right now with the two candidates. >> i'm open to donald trump because i feel like he's a gangster. >> larry: he's a gangster? he's a gangster. >> larry: gangster or gangsta? he's gangsta. he's like, if you're coming to
my mic, i'm taking you out. he understand the language. >> larry: he's like a rapper. has his own gold, vodka, private jet and really likes whitewomen. >> exactly, and his wife is a model. >> larry: would that swing anybody else, those qualities? >> the way you express it, i never thought of it that way, but he's pretty cool. >> larry: have you told other black people you're voting for donald trump? >> yes. >> larry: be honest. you told family members? >> i've doltd family members. >> larry: you told your wife? i told my wife. we fight every morning about it. but i stand on my own. >> america is greedy and going to try to cut corners, so we have to make a place for ourselves. >> larry: so donald trump is the president who can get black people the low-paying jobs again. >> no, we don't want the low paying jobs. >> low paying jobs are the first rung. you can't climb the ladder till
you start someplace. >> larry: donald trump is going to get the black people on the first rung. >> if you're going to climb, you'll do more. >> larry: should the mexicans be able to use the ladder to climb along? (laughter) do you have a message telling other black pyle people why they should vote for donald trump? >> donald trump is not going to make you a slave. >> larry: shiewsh about that? i'm pretty sure about that. everybody's trying to enslave you but the main thing is how much aim going to get paid while in slavery. >> larry: you're pro slavery but with pay. >> right. >> larry: anyone else pro-slavery here? (laughter) donald trump says he has a great relationship with the blacks. as one of the blacks, how would you describe the relationship? >> the the fact h he says "the blacks" means his relationship is a little skewed because he wouldn't call us "the blacks" if he really understood where we're coming from. >> larry: does he feel like
he's in an abusive relationship with the blacks? are you secretly trying to get out of this relationship? >> not at all. (laughter) >> larry: how did you feel when trump said he wanted to ban muslims? we don't have any here. >> i am. >> larry: and you're voting for trump? >> yes. >> larry: really? yes. >> larry: would you be opposed to having trump waterboard you to get more information about islam? >> uh... >> larry: if he came to waterboard, who would he pick? rhymes with schmuslin? play like you're my kids and you have to convince me to vote for trump. what's going on here? >> we're going to vote for trump. >> larry: you want to go to the movies? >> we need you to wast cor cast
your vote as well. >> larry: what are you talking about? >> we can't just be democrats because we're black. >> larry: winston, you believe her, too? >> i believe her 100%. >> larry: (bleep) please. are you voting for trump that as an orange american he's the only candidate of color. >> i'm tired of the joafntle stop the jokes. >> larry: you know i'm a fake journalist, right? (laughter) it kind of disturbs me in some of these rallies is you see where trump gets everybody to make a plefnlgt have you seen that where he has them pledge to vote for him? raise your hand, we'll take a pledge right now. >> okay. >> larry: just say, i will never tell black people... that i am voting for donald trump... until after the election. (laughter) i love the fact that you spoke so freely and passionately about this. thanks for coming. >> thanks for having us. >> larry: thank you very much. i still don't get it. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) ♪
degree.it won't let you down. (boy) (mom) because we'resettle settlers and that's what we do. (girl) but with directv and at&t, you can get your tv and wireless service from one provider. (dad) are not we your providers? do we not provide you with this succulent jackrabbit pie? this delicious graywater soup? and a single lick of the family lolli every harvest moon? (vo) don't be a settler, get a $100 reward card when you switch to directv.
(cheers and applause) "nightly show" contributor grace parra. (cheers and applause) his new show "bajillion dollar propertie$" is available on seeso.com, and he's the host of "comedy bang bang," comedian scott aukerman. (cheers and applause) and for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter "@nightlyshow" using #tonightly. okay. so here we go. on friday, a jury in florida awarded hulk hogan $115 million in a lawsuit against the gossip news website gawker for showing a sex tape of him and the wife of his best friend, bubba the love sponge. he received an additional $25 million in damages totaling $140 million, okay? hulk claims he didn't know he was being recorded by his friend bubba the love sponge. >> mm-hmm... >> larry: what's the biggest thing wrong with all this? >> i think the biggest thing wrong is we've all seen hulk hogan having sex at this point.
(applause) >> were you able to find the video? >> i found the video and watched. >> you saw it? eah, it's not good. not a thing to watch. >> he does pleasure the lady first, to his favor. >> what does it say in the transcript, mm-mm-mm? >> yeah, a lot of muffled. i wouldn't want to see it. it would be like watching 6'yosemite sam have sex... >> i think hulk hogan should split the money with everyone who had to watch him have sex. we're the victims here. >> larry: i can't see that in my mind now. >> yeah. >> larry: which is horrible. he's tagging her out, calling her brother... get in here, brother! (laughter) >> larry: hey, brother! hulk-mania!
this is a huge settlement. do you think he's rewarded or gawkers punished? >> he's not being rewarded. gawkers punished. gawkers should be punished for this. this is a terrible thing they did. a total invasion of privacy. basically they are airing a stolen piece of property and they should be punished. unfortunately it has to go to hulk hogan calling people the n word on this tape! >> you only had to ask for $100 million and they gave him $115 million! it's in florida, let's give you an extra $4 million! >> larry:. >> larry: he's with his friend's wife. >> yeah. the triable trial is in florida. people are all red necks there. >> larry: this is the state that determines our president! >> i know. also bubba the love sponge, thousand is that not somebody who lives in a pin pineapple unr
the sea? there is also the issue of what constitutes a public figure. >> everything is newsworthy under the started of we thought this is news. watching hulk hogan have sex is not news worthy. (applause) >> larry: is gossip news today? that is their argument. >> i think it is because i get my news from twitter and my gossip from cnn. my news feed is as much as about i.s.i.s. as movie stars. >> i've heard people even tune in to comedy central for news. (applause) >> larry: south add, though, that the guy who did the recording, this is supposedly his friend and somehow he wanted his friend to have sex with his wife and secretly records him and he settled with him for, like, $5,000. >> yeah, bubba the love sponge got $5,000 and had to apologize.
>> larry: how is that the lesser crime here, though? >> when the tape came out, heather, bubba's wife, she was actually really embarrassed because she's now seen having sex with hulk hogan and she thought he was cheesy. really? you're married to bubba the love sponge and you think hulk hogan is cheesy? >> larry: you think they're in this together? >> they have to be. is is the new paradigm for thousand release a sex tape. instead of going straight to vivid and getting $1 million or $2 million, sell it to an irreputable news outlet and get millions. >> hey, i'll have sex with your wife! >> it might be part of the fetish. they might enjoy the fact of it not only being filmed but broadcast publicly. >> hulk hogan had the biggest boner during the trial.
everyone's watching me, brother! (laughter) >> larry: what's amazing is erin andrews secretly filmed in her hotel room was awarded 55 million and half of that from a guy who had no money. >> hulk hogan, i don't get these guys, $140 million! >> even in privacy invasion women are getting (bleep). >> we're still earning less in bed when it comes to tremendous lease of sex tapes (applause) >> a totally different issue. the reasons for the lawsuit are totally different. >> larry: seems related to me, though. >> both are invasions of privacy. but erin andrews was selling the hotel that gave up the information to the idiot. >> thing is the guy who shot erin, he approached t.m.z. with that footage and they said no. what kind of (bleep) up world are we in when t.m.z. is the moral compass for what we're doing. >> i like how you say "shot the
versus the lube strip. with a hydrating gel reservoir that gives you 40% less friction. it's designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. sorry, lube strip. schick hydro®. free your skin®. forty yto brew a greathought ittasting light beer. so we got to brewing and told them to sip on this. the original light beer. spelled different because it's brewed different.
what's the internet saying ab(laughing)esalupa? "i have romantic feelings for the quesalupa." oh, my... "quesalupa for president." "i saw a picture of a quesalupa in a newspaper and it made me pick up a newspaper." "yo, the quesalupa is bangin'!" yeaaah!!! "about to ascend to food heaven on the cheese filled wings of the angels." taste what the internet is raving about, the quesalupa from taco bell. [bong]
watching tvs get sharper, oh remotes, you've had it tough. bigger, smugger. and you? rubbery buttons. enter the x1 voice remote. now when someone says... show me funny movies. watch discovery. record this. voila. remotes you are back. the x1 voice remote is here. x1 customers get your voice remote by visiting xfinty.com/voiceremote. (cheers and applause) >> larry: we're almost out of time. before we go, i'm going to keep it 100. tonight's question is from an audience member named adeija. let's take a look. >> hey larry, who's got it tougher: blacks or hispanics? i can ask that 'cause i'm both. keep it 100. >> larry: ooh! i was going to say black hispanics. (laughter) you know what? i'm sticking with my answer. i think blac