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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  March 24, 2016 9:29am-10:06am PDT

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that really was nothing but a nice book ending that looked like this. optics, mr. president. optics. republicans, and the favorite republican mantra calling him the wofshtd president fsh calling the terrorist attack too lightly. >> i call upon everybody nation to do everything they can to stop these terrorist killers. thank you. now watch this. çlaughterñ [ applause ] >> larry: stanley? i'd take him over trump. but the man who wants to be beat trump, grandpa munster cruz has harsh words. >> today's attacks in
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brussels underscores that this is a war -- a war with radical islamic terrorism. >> he said quote, we need to empower law enforcement to patrol and surveil muslim neighborhoods observe they become radicalized. >> >> larry: before they become radicalized. muslim communities are not a carton of milk. it doesn't go bad. d you know anything about the muslim communities, mr. cruz? >> how many muslims are in america? >> i don't know the number off the top of my head. >> you're saying law enforcement should surveil muslims, and you don't know how many there are. it's impractical what you're suggesting. also, it doesn't suggest it would lead to anything. it's more of a political point you're making. çlaughterñ >> larry: damn. norah o'donnell just declared
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jihad against cruz. okay. so to recap, donald trump looked --, and cruz looked not good. >> bill bratton responded and references the 900 muslim members. >> i would remind that the statements made today is why he's not going to become president of this country. i have over 900 very dedicated officers in this department, many of bhom who double duty. active duty members of the u.s. military in combat, something the senator has never seen. so the senator basically -- hayes really out of line with his comments. çlaughterñ >> larry: there. absolutely right here. he is absolutely right. what is it? say amen? >> he's really out of line with his comments.
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amen. çlaughterñ >> larry: what does he mean. bratton pipe man. >> i know what that is, larry. >> larry: oh, it's robin thede everybody. çlaughterñ >> larry: what's going on with that amen? >> well, what the man was doing there was quauzing black vote co-signing. >> larry: black vote co-signing? >> yeah. my co-signing with the amen. the mayor was signaling to wlak people and all people of color, telling them it's okay to trust this old white man. >> larry: really? you say black folk co-sign. >> de blasio is want black? >> but his wife is. and that makes him black as jesus. çlaughterñ >> larry: okay. >> yep. right next to him. >> larry: got it. >> and did you hear him. whenever blaton made a point.
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de blasio was hallelujah jesus. >> larry: why tell them it's okay? >> i'm not shurp if you notice, but police and people of color haven't always seen eye to eye. so you know -- çlaughterñ yeah, right. so all de blasio is doing is letting them know is that on this issue, the police is all right. >> larry: just co-signing. >> uh-huh. >> larry: robin thede, everybody. [ applause ] >> larry: okay. now. so ted cruz, a man not known to have many friends went on fox and friends to discuss this. >> what's bizarre is the political correctness that they will not even say the word radical islamic terrorism. instead after everybody attack, paris and san bernardino. the president goes on
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television and lectures the people on islamophobia. >> because islam is a peaceful religion. >> they are so captive to political correctness they will not identify the enemy. >> larry: is that sarcasm. >> because islam is a peaceful religion. yeah, ha, >> go (bleep) yourselves. seriously. [ >> larry: a major news network, so-called major news network, and a major presidential candidate slamming a religion has nothing to do with political correctness. it's just wrong. here's the deal. i think we need somebody other than fox to weigh in on the problems of radical >> let's welcome amir ali. >> thanks for joining us. nazir. >> any time. >> so what do you think about the terror attacks in belgium.
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>> it's a total buzz kill, bro they make it harder for muslims like me. >> you mean peaceful muslims? >> no, i mean radical muslims. all right? >> larry: wait, you're a radical muslim? >> duh? >> larry: how does you become radicalized? >> i think when my dad took me to see tony hawk in '97. i've been radical ever since. >> larry: how due feel about ted cruz response to the ashltion tacks. >> he's harshing my mellow. >> they want to secure my neighborhood. my neighborhood is park city. okay? >> you don't think policing
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muslims will work? >> no, way. persecuting people just drives them away. and when people feel edgy and alone, that's when radical muslims turn into radical muslims. you know what i'm saying? >> larry: so, instead of policing muslims, what can we do to prevent terrorism. >> here's a radical idea. how about treating them like normal human beings. all right? that's pretty radical. that's pretty radical. >> larry: we'll be right back. hey! i like your ride. i just wanted to let you know... you can save a ton by switching to progressive, just like squirrel here. we offer great discounts, like responsible rider, paid in full, and homeowners. making us number one in motorcycle insurance.
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>> larry: now, we made a promise on this show, not to forget the people in flint, michigan, and the ongoing water crisis. let's check in with the larry people vs. flint. that's meant to be loud. so news out of flint last week. our hunch that the e.p.a. was complicit in this was entirely correct. yea. here's the note written by the regional water division and the epa.
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i quote. i'm not sure if flint is the community that weigh want to go out on the limb for. are you kidding me? not so sure flint is the community we want to go out on the limb for. it's not going out on a limb. it's doing the (bleep) job. [ applause ] >> larry: by the way. e.p.a. the p. in your name stands for protection, but the a. does not stand yr your ass. flint is precisely the city the federal government should have been protecting in the first place. [ applause ] >> larry: shouldn't take this long, and embattled governor, rich schneider unveiled a 75 point plan. >> short term, plans to offer professional support for kids under 6 who have high lead levels am. >> larry: stop, stop, stop. no, no. i really don't need to hear the rest. good, good, good. you've got a plan, great, guys. let me say this. the crisis started two years
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ago. and you nigh about it at least a year ago. and now you're at the planning stage in draw up plans for where to place a smoke alarm after the house has burned down. i'm sorry, guys. i just can't -- [ applause ] >> larry: it makes me so mad that it takes so long. that's a crisis. why does it take so long for people to act on this. i just don't get it. >> the story is not sexy enough, larry. >> larry: hey, grace fire, everyone. >> larry: what due mean the story ?nts sexy enough? >> lead pipes, civil engineering. if you want people to take action in the united states of america. you have to sex the u >> larry: ho how do you sex up something like the flint water crisis? >> i don't know. well, actually, i do know.
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here's a little public sf, announce nlts i put together with my friends. >> what's happening in nrinlt -- if we're not careful, it's going to get real, real bad. across the country from washington, d.c. to ohio, up to 10 million homes and businesses are taking it from the lead pipes. so if there's one thing we learned from flint, it's that we've got to take michigan governor, rick schneider down. and someone has to lay a ton of mue pipe, but we need somebody man enough to do it. we need someone to unscrew the new, and screw in the new. all night long. cuz right now, that's that water is oh so dirty. too dirty. don't you want to help us get
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wet? don't you? don't you you bastards? sorry. this is killing me. across the country, cut up or cut down, making us helpless. and fellas, i'm not into that. listen, this is needs to be a national conversation. we all need to come together at the exact same time. please don't make us wait, because people could (bleep) die. no, they won't listen to anger. please, gentlemen, legislate, regulate, and you won't regret it. >> larry: the women of the nightly. we haven't forgotten you
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flint. we'll be right back. [ applause ] ♪ brakes. they aren't complicated. if they act up stop into autozone. with our help you can always fix your car with confidence. hoods up america. brake pads. ♪
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show show me more like this.ns. show me "previously watched." what's recommended for me. x1 makes it easy to find what blows you away. call or go onliand switch to x1. only with xfinity. >> larry: the nightly show. and mike yard. robin thede. [ applause ] and grammy award winning r & b singer rng songwriter, producer. the new album comes out friday. anthony hamilton. [ applause ]
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hamilton. for everyone at home, on twitter use the tonight show hash tag nightly. for months donald trump has been saying building the wall, mex conborder, racist, racist. çlaughterñ >> yesterday, ted cruz jumped on the racist crazy train, and released a statement saying we need to empower law enforcement to patrol and secure muslim neighborhoods before they become radicalized. so my question is, who is (bleep) crazyer. >> cruz or trump. >> i think they're both scary. you have one that's crazy, and one is out of the closet. >> which one is closeted? >> ale go with cruz. >> i think that trump is
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scarier he's a kanye tweet come to life. >> kanye? >> but i do think that cruz is scarier, because he's got a far right tea party republican who uses religion to justify anti-gay, anti-war, anti-minority ajenldas. >> i think both of them are. both of them go backwards. and trump is not going to understand going back. that time was good for him. but i don't know if ted cruz knows. back in the day was not good for people named cruz. unless your tom cruise. >> i agree. cruz is more dangerous. trump is such a bull. >> you know what his agenda, and he lets it known. >> larry: trump? but who will carry through with the promises to build the wall?
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>> both of them. >> i think he's going to try. i'm nlts in the business of fighting people when they tell me who they r. if you tell me you're going to build a wall, i believe you until you don't build a wall. i believe you. i think he's going to try. >> i don't. i k that people say obama said he was going to close guantanamo? people say a lot of things they don't do. but i do think that ted cruz has pruefrn that he will take actionable steps. ted cruz is famous because he filibuster against the affordable care acted. >> larry: absolutely right. >> and when we mention hams on the floor. >> he won't stop until -- >> larry: i will not fund planned parenthood, sam i am. >> neither one of them will win anyway. [ applause ] it's something to talk about, though. >> larry: do you think there's an honest criticism of ted cruz with trump taking all the
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oxygen. >> trump is really loud. so whatever they're saying about cruz, you'll never hear it. >> i feel like it's a sneaky bait and switch. >> larry: i feel like the republican establishment is getting behind cruise like they plan to (bleep) >> you know what's funny? i said trump would stand by hill're hillary to disrupt the republican party. that was my thought process. but now i'm like i don't know. they're inching cruz out. >> larry: you think it will be the kanye swift think. they could be working together. >> are you telling me, that con way planned that [ applause ] >> larry: i'm just saying. are you serious? >> i made this up. >> i heard it here, folks. they're on the same label, right? >> oh, i love it. >> it's music.
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>> larry: we're being played by the republicans and kanye? oh, >> i get what you're saying. cruz and trump are on the same party. >> the reason why, you mentioned that today, and i never thought it was a bait and switch, and the reason i think it's not impossible is because cruz is talking about all the (bleep) that the republicans have been pushing for years. but he can't say, it because nobody will voted for him. >> and he's extra crazy. and a little xraez feels a little safer. people are saying i'm not going for hchl? this little duck? yeah. [ applause ] >> larry: exactly. >> nobody likes cruz. i mean, lindsey agreement said trump and cruise is like being shot or poisoned. >> yeah. cruz ain't got no emotion on
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his face. it's weird. >> larry: i do honestly think they hate trump at this point. the republican establishment. trump hates trump. deep down inside. but he's too deep in it now. >> i think he needs help. you think self-hate is causing all this? >> it could be, i see it in the hood all the time. >> never lies. it's sad. >> all you have to worry about trump is he'll noernt a good price for the white house and u >> larry: we'll be right back. [ applause ] >> if you live in new york city grab tickets to
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the kitchen...that's home. that's like my grandma cooked, my mom cooked. i make a lot of banana bread because the baby likes bananas. (laughs) whatever home means to you, we'll help you find it. zillow. this... is how it begins... with a mighty roar... that tells the world... we're coming for you. hello! who? mom, who is that?rld... these dresses are fantastic. they're old navy. thanks. old navy?! it's up to 50% off throughout the store. oh i have to go, to old navy right now. >> thanks to my panelists. and we're almost out of time. but before we go, i'm going to be honest with you guys. tonight's question from an
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audience member, brady. >> if we could elect obama for one more term, but had no choice over who would be the next president, would you do it? >> larry: if it looks like it's trump or cruz for sure, absolutely. that's a no brainer. >> what? >> larry: absolutely. >> they'll let anybody in. >> i don't like it. >> larry: i don't care. good night, everyone. y comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org
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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you, everybody. thank you so much. tonight's guest from the great state of south carolina, senator lindsey graham is here! ( cheers and applause ) that's coming up in a bit. but first, yesterday was another primary election day, and because tuesday is the most convenient day of the week to take three hours out of your life, the people of arizona chose to do just that. yeah, only person sadder than the ones who had to wait in line for three hours is john kasich, who got fewer votes than marco rubio, a man who isn't even in the race anymore. ( laughter ) it sort of makes sense i guess arizona would identify with marco rubio, because they, too,
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are desperate for water. ( laughter ) but last night's winners were, of course, hillary clinton and donald trump. they both won in arizona. ted cruz won in utah. bernie sanders had victories in both utah and idaho. but the biggest-- biggest fights of the evening wasn't over states. it was over wives. >> trump alleging cruz's campaign ran negative ads between his wife melania trump tweeting, "be careful, lying ted, or i will spill the beans on your wife." cruz firing back, calling trump a coward. >> if donald wants to get in a character fight, he's better off sticking with me because heidi is way out of his league. ( laughter ) >> trevor: what the hell kind of comeback is that? i'm the creepy one. up to the deal with me. and why does ted cruz always sound like he's delivering lines from a movie. >> you want a character debate, bob, you better stick with me
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because cindy ellen wade is way out of your league. >> trevor: i see what happened here. you're running for president, so you steal lines from "the american president." clearly, there's no love lost between trump and cruz. and that also turns out to be true between trump and most republican leaders. >> donald trump is a phony, a fraud. >> i'm very concerned for our country if we nominate him. >> this is going to be a disaster for the republican party. >> very dangerous for the country. >> very dangerous for the party. >> donald trump as president i believe would be a disaster. >> this party does not prey on people'people's prejudices. >> donald trump does not represent me, and he does not represent my party. >> donald trump does not represent the republican party. >> he doesn't represent the republican party or its values. >> trevor: wow. that's like new stepdad levels of hate. ( bleep ) you, donald! you'll never be my dad-- i mean, nominee! i get whyhe

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