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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  April 5, 2016 1:37am-2:11am PDT

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- ♪ who's that? it's him! james cameron ♪ . >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! (cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," i'm trevor noah. thank you so much, everybody. thank you so much! our guest tonight, chair of the democratic national committee, debbie wasserman-schultz is here, everybody! (cheers and applause). >> trevor: really excited for that. but seriously, though. i want to thank you so much for tuning in tonight, especially on the night of the ncaa final between north carolina and villanova. i mean everyone else-- wait, wait, where are you going, oh, whow, okay, i guess i shouldn't have told that person that. but we are back from the break, everybody. and man, last week was crazy interesting. honestly, there is only
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one-story i'm glad we didn't have to cover on the show. and it was this nonsense. from "the national enquirer" about how ted cruz supposedly had affairs with five women, forcing senator cruz to come forward and say that the story is complete garbage. and ted, don't worry, for the first time, everybody believes you. (laughter) everybody believes you. yeah. we are just sorry that those five women were accused of this terrible, terrible thing. (laughter) it's almost like ted cruz is the anti-bill cosby. he's like women are going to keep coming forward saying i also didn't have sex with ted cruz. can i add my name to the list please. but let's talk about this week. tomorrow is the wisconsin primary. it's a big deal in both parties especially for the republicans because if donald trump wins, then first it will prove that he has some appeal among white voters, i mean who knew. and the stakes are higher on the dem kraltic side too. with bernie sanders takes
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wisconsin, yeah, that will be his fourth state in a row. and he has the decent chance there, it is a progressive state that is fond of old white guys without don't know when to quit. and the longer, the longer this race goes on, the more tense it's getting twoon the candidates. remember when it the staked? everyone was friendly, right. bernie was treating hillary like an organic farmer. hillary was treating bernie like a goldman sachs executive. but now like a lot of long-term relationships, they're starting to get on each other's nerves. >> sanders and hillary clinton have been slugging at each other over fossil fuels owners, over campaign tone. they are at each other's throats. >> he demanded an apology for being called a liar. she called him desperate. >> trevor: i don't know if hillary is the right person to call bernie sanders desperate. it's rich coming from here. have you ever seen anyone who has wanted to be president that bad? it's creepy. and i am not just hating on hillary here.
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because bernie is getting too it too. >> a lot of people say bernie, why don't you go after her on her fbi investigation, why don't you go after her on the clinton foundation money. we have chosen not to do that. >> trevor: yeah. congrats on not bringing up the things you just brought up. whef's chosen not to discuss this e-mail scandal which anyone could google, i'm not saying they should, but they would find out a lot of crazy stuff that i would never say. also benghazi, google benghazi is something i would never say. >> there are many signs to when a relationship goes sour. and one of those is fighting about when to have your next fight. >> the rival teams are battling over when and what time and should they have more debates. >> the sanders camp says clinton is trying to avoid a big audience by proposing a debate tonight during the ncaa championship or next week in the morning. >> one idea here is actually vay morning debate on good morning america on abc from 7 to 9 a.m.
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>> i tell you the sanders campaign did not love that idea. >> trevor: 7 a.m.? i don't-- i don't blame bernie, that's [bleep] for him for two reasons. i mean one,ed supporters of college students are not going to be sober by 7 a.m. an two, that is when bernie's having lunch, people, come on. for more on this, for more on this democratic rift we go to senior political correspondent jordan klepper at clinton headquarters, everybody. (cheers and applause) jordan, is there going to be a debate? >> of course, trevor. the clinton campaign is happy to debate senator sanders any time, anywhere. you name the time and place, she'll be there. >> trevor: okay, well n that case how about tomorrow. >> tomorrow's no good, no. there's the big finale of the o.j. show and hillary dnt want to make people decide between her and o.j. because they're equally popular. >> trevor: okay. wednesday? >> that is the american idol series finale. >> trevor: bernie's camp is also suggested thursday.
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>> everyone goes out on thursday, it's the new friday. >> trevor: what about friday then. >> well, that's the new saturday. >> trevor: saturday. >> well, saturday is saturday. >> trevor: sunday. >> now you're just making up words! >> trevor: pretty sure that is a word. okay, but any day next week. >> okay, well, let's see. here we g on the 129 she's got to testify before the fbi. on the spt, she's got to testify before the fbi. 14th she's got an appointment at the genius bar. totally unrelated. >> trevor: jordan, can we be serious for a second. does hillary even want to debate? >> no, absolutely not all it does is hurt her chances. ever since she started debating bernie, her poll numbers have dropped. if she had her way there would be no more debate. or even any more primaries. she would prefer to save everyone's time just by skipping to the end part where she gets to wear the president crown. >> trevor: okay, well now, hang on. did you just break news that hillary dnt want to debate bernie at all?
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>> yeah. you can't break news if nobody's watching. trevor, right now all eyes are on the bas kelt ballgame. tonight i could tell you any of the things clinton says off the record and no one would hear. like how hillary thinks that ted cruz eats his young. and that john kasich is just two seven year olds standing on each other's shoulders. and that donald trump is a pretty good kisser. >> trevor: wait, wait, wait. she kissed donald trump. >> oh, come on, tremp. -- trevor, we've all kissed donald trump. i once gave him a hand job in exchange for a free round of golf. >> jordan, why would you add miss that. >> because no one is watching, they are elbow deep in wings trk is all fall on deaf ears. >> trevor: that is on the east coast, by the time the game is over we will be airing on the west coast. >> right. i-- was just doing an april fool's. we're still doing that, right? please god tell me we're still doing that. >> trevor: no, we're not. i think you need to fix this.
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jordan klepper, everyone. we'll be right back. what body aches? what knee pain? what sore elbow? advil liqui-gels make pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain? advil. ♪ [basketball video game sounds] ♪
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(cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome back. my geses tonight is a congresswoman from florida and the dnc chair. please welcome debbies whatter-- wasserman-schultz. (cheers and applause) thank you so much for being here, congresswoman. >> thank you for having me. it's a pleasure. >> trevor: let's get straight into it. >> okay. >> trevor: what a time to be alive. >> yes, yes. >> trevor: is it exciting for you or are you stressing every single day? >> no, it's invigorating. i'm a true believer and i really think that the 73 months of private sectder jobs that we have had under president obama and congressional democrats is something we need to build on and we need to make sure we have a chance for everyone in america to reach the middle clas. >> trevor: before we get that far we have to get over the fact
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that right now the race is turning into like a wacky race. i mean it's insane. never mind the rch can side. let's talk about the democrats. cuz you have obviously a bigger role to play in. this between bernie and hillary, are you happy with how the race is being run right now. is the democratic party happy with the relationship between the two because it seems like it's becoming nastier and nastier as the race goes. >> i really think that that is some drama that is created by the media that just isn't there. i'm very proud of our candidates. and their supporters should be proud of them. and i know they are. if you look at the clown car that is, has been riding around the country on the other side of the aisle, i mean, and you're laughing because it's true. >> trevor: no, i'm laughing because i started picturing them in the car. >> well, right, right. and they're all getting out of the top and the sides. >> trevor: who is driving and who is doing what what sph. >> from our standpoint i want them debating every day and i
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bet my counterpart reince priebus want them to debate never. because every time they open their mouth they do something to alienate somebody else. i'm so proud because they have talked about how to move our country forward. >> trevor: bernie came out on twitter. i don't know if you saw this, this weekend. he has been going at hillary twiet hard. and a lot of people feel that bernie sanders has been, i'm going to paraphrase or really quote that bernie is being [bleep] blocked by the dnc. is there any merit to this? >> you know, i'm-- as powerful as that makes me feel, i'm not doing a very good job of rigging the outcome or blocking. >> yes. >> anyone from being able to get their message out. the reality is, is i have a job as national party chair that is
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one that requires a thick skin. it requires me to be able to absorb the body blows so our candidates can stay above the fray. and if i have to take a few punches in order for them to be able to make sure they can get their message out than so be it. i'm all about making sure we can lech our party's nominee in the swren election. >> trevor: i'm certain that is going to happen, but is it safe to say-- here's the thing that is tough. is that everyone assumes that let's say the dnc is part of the government but in essence you are sort of separate from that. >> oh, more than sort of. >> trevor: are you separate. so you make your own rules within the party. >> with our member. >> trevor: question, you define what is, for instance, superdelegates. like a the lo of people talk about superdelegate, they go hillary has more superdelegates. i know you didn't start this, but doesn't the idea of a superdelegate go against the very fact that people should be voting for the people who represent them at the convention? >> they do. (cheers and applause) first of all, first of all, we
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have had superdelegates since i graduated from high school. >> trevor: yes. >> in 1984. >> trevor: i was born that year. >> and i graduated from high school. so i couldn't quite be your mother but darn close. but i mean look, we have party activists, elected officials and other leaders that are a part of our process. but who would never determine the outcome of our nominee. it is voters that can and should determine that outcome and they always have. and we have activists who are also a part of that process. but if you look at what is going on on the other side, i bet my counterpart is wishing-- some kind of magic pill or some-- some harry potter invisible cloak that he could use to make his problems go away. because at the end of the day, we are going to come together, i'm confident. we're going to have our primary
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process unfold and a nominee will be chosen by the people who have cast votes. well before we get to the convention. and you'll watch the chaos unfold on the other side where they are about to splinter into i don't know how many parts. because they have alienated and done everything they can to make people in this country feel unwelcome, the vitriole and bigotry and nastiness that not only donald trump is engaged in but they have all piled on and promoted, and gone out of their way to embrace. >> trevor: if you were to give advice to the rnc, if you were in the position they're in right now with trump looming, the possibility of a contested convention coming up, what would you do if you were running the rnc right now? >> i would strengthen my-- an i would make sure that i stood up for what was right instead of caving. which is what the entire republican party has done. they are in this situation.
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they let didn't do you think done all trump hijacked their party, no, he didn't. they su scummed to the right wing. they are laying in the bed they made for themselves because they care nor about power. they have been transparent, they care about the wealthy, big business and big banks and we're going to make sure we continue to expose them. what should they do? they should make sure that they stand up for people who need their voice amplified like we do every single day. not cower in the corner for the right wing. (applause). >> trevor: i'm hoping we'll get you back on. >> thank you. >> trevor: it's really fascinating. debbie wasserman-schultz, everybody. we'll be right back. plawtion plaws ♪ fruit. nuts. silky smooth dark chocolate. revel in the pleasure of new dove® fruit and nut.
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goin' out for wings is such a pain in the butt. you don't have to tell me. get crispy wings delivered. and try our exclusive jim beam devil's cut spicy bourbon bbq. wingstreet. wings delivered. no pants required. >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. you know, a lot of my career i have made fun of politicians. and now that i'm in this job, it's mostly american toll politicians but that is because you this is american and you don't give a [bleep] about anywhere else. and that is just a joke but it's true. now i, like i don't have a problem talking [bleep] about the u.s. but sometimes it makes it seem like other countries don't have problems with their politicians. take my president, jacob zuma, right? no, that's sorry that is idi amin. no, that is for tz rest whitaker playing idi amin. no, that is larry wilmore-- no, sorry, that's zuma, sorry, sorry, i'm sorry, my bad, larry, my bad, my bad. corner of my eye.
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i'm sorry, man. so yeah, that is my president, jacob zuma. and this guy is the president of south africa. is he no stranger to controversy. he is a man who has faced over 700 charges of cor rungs and that was before he was elected-- corruption before he was elected as president that should have been a red flag to south africans but ever since apartheid we strife to be color blind. but now president zuma has gotten himself into another bind. >> in south africa the country's president jacob zuma is facing calls to resign, this after south africa's highest court determined zuma broke the law in using public funds to renovate his proif at homes. the constitutional court ruled mr. zuma improperly used 15 million dollars in state funds for home upgrades. (laughter). >> trevor: you know why i love this? people looking at this going which one is his home? all of it. what are you looking at, all of it, yeah, president zuma spent
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$50 million to renovate his house, not build it, renovate. which is an amazing figure. partly because he tnt even count that high. no this is not like a mean joke. president zuma cannot count that high. this is president gleuma attempting to say 769,870. >> our membership figures stood at $759-- 800 and-- 700, listen properly. 769,8 to-- . >> trevor: you know what, my favorite part, my favorite part is when he tries to blame the audience for the fact that he can't say the number.
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7-- listen properly, listen. listen. it's almost like he's saying hey, guys, this only sounds wrong because your ears are [bleep] up, listen properly. i'm saying it right. now the most hilarious thing wasn't the fact that he spent $15 million but how he tried to justify it he built a beautiful swimming pool at his house and the public said why is the government paying for your private swimming pool. and he said no, it's not a swimming pool. this is a fire pool. and the people were like, what? and he said yeah, you see this pool is used if there is a fire, i take the water from the pool and i splash it on to the fire so st a government expense to keep the president safe. that's the actual thing that he said. which is understandable. it is a same philosophy when i claim sports cars on my fax returns as a medical expense. the irs goes that is a ferrari i go no, that say microphallic compensation tool, that is what that is. it is all how you see it all how you see it. but you know, that is one of the downsides of african presidents. there is so much corruption in africa. something you never see in the
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west. unless you look. >> the largest leak of secret documents in history. publication of what are being called the panama paper this weekend has exposed a worldwide cor rupg scandal. >> there are huge allegations. money laundering, arms, drug deals, tax evasion. >> 12 current or former leaders, world leaders have been named, over 1128 politicians as well. >>-- edward snowden even tweeting this is the biggest leak in the history of data journalingism. 11 million documents, that is ten times what snowden leaked. >> trevor: oh [bleep], you know a leak is big when edward snowden sim pressed by it that's like donald trump being impressed by your tan. that is what that . but this, this panama paper scandal is a huge story. it's still growing. we don't even know where it is going to end. everybody is talking about it. basically the story is that this weekend someone at a panamania law firm leaked 11 million documents. 11 million documents that
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revealed the alleged owners of more than 15,000 offshore shell companies. at this point panama has basically produced as many leaked documents as they have douchey hats. why do people still wear these hats. i don't get it you look like such a douche when you wear, no, hey, no, no, no, that-- don't laugh at that. i wore it once, in like 2008. back when they were cool. that's not a-- 11 million documents. 11 million documents. now look, having a shell company isn't always illegal but a lot of powerful people are about to be implicated in some dub yuses [bleep] and by the way whoever leaked this, unlike edward snowden, they won't find refuge in russian. >> russian president vladimir putin, he is not named specifically in these documents but they do reveal a telltale trail set up by his closest innercircle and worth $2 billion. >> trevor: no way! you telling me the guy who walked through king mid az to
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shake hands with bashar al genocide is up to something shady? o no! how is anything with putin still a surprise. what we're going to be hearing a lot more of this in days to come because the list of people is kind of incredible. >> the king of saudi arabia, the prime minister of pakistan, jackie chan, the film star. >> trevor: no, jackie chan! we trusted you, jackie! what kind of ku fu is this? you know, jackie chan, my heart is broken. now jackie chan could get arrested. we actually have footage of the authorities apprehending him this morning. oh, if anyone knows of jackie chan's where bs remember approach him as a group but then fight him one at a time. fight him one at a time. we'll be right back.
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>> trevor: that's it for the show, everybody. but before we go, before we go, we are down to the championship matchup of third month mania, our tournament to decide what makes the people the maddest. the last round of voting is open and down and from 64 aggravating teams it's down to just trump supporters versus global warming. tough choice. both threaten to destroy the planet so tough choice. go to third month to vote now. we'll reveal the winner this thursday. but here it is, your moment of zen. >> we're now to a high-speed chase that shut down san francisco's bay bridge on sunday morning. a chihuahua made a mad dash across the seven kilometer bridge. california officers on motorcycles and cars held the tiny dog for five to ten
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[♪] . >> larry: ooh, yeah. thank you very much. oh, my god. what a crowd. thank you. please have a seat. please, your so kind. welcome to "the nightly show." actor and comedian mike epps is on the show tonight. tonight is our first night back from a week off. man, i missed you guys. and before we get started we


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