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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  April 22, 2016 1:34am-2:08am PDT

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to chemically... (laughter) we're so close. i'm having trouble with this transish. (laughing) um... oh, my hair. refill. (retching) my name is tracy. (laughter) (man) all right, cut. (woman) so easy. (man) mmm, magic. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. thank you very much, everyone. my guest tonight, former governor of vermont, howard dean is here, teem. ( cheers and applause ) let's start the show by talking about money. it's official, people-- harriet
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tubman will be the face of the new $20 bill. yes, yes! ( cheers and applause ) and it really is a fitting tribute for a woman who after she herself escaped from slavery returned to the south time ask time again to help free hundreds of others. and on top of that, she invented water skiing. ( laughter ) now, that's-- that's a lie. but some of you doubted for a second. and you see, if you had more than a month of black history month, that wouldn't have happened. ( applause ) personally, personally, i'm excited about this. you know, i think it will be cool to go to a crowded restaurant and slip the host a 20 and be like, "maybe my friend harriet tubman can help free up a table the same way she helped free up those slaves." too much? all right. what makes this decision even more fitting for me is whose place she's taking. >> the u.s. treasury confirmed yesterday, a former slaib and
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abolitionist harriet tubman will replace andrew jackson, who was a slave owner. >> an 1812 war hero but also an avowed slave owner accusinged of a genocidal campaign against native americans. >> trevor: yeah, scrak was kind of like batman, waging war against criminals. except instead of criminals, it was native americans. and instead of being because they killed hills parents, it was because he wanted their land. actually, it was nothing like batmap. i'm not even sure. i just like batman. to be clear, jackson isn't getting replaced. he and tubman will be sharing the $20 bill with tubman on the front and jackson on the back, which seems less like a design for currency and more like a buddy cop movie. you know? ( laughter ) ( applause ) and i like-- i like that they'll have a black woman and a white man on the same bill. it's like my family portrait. it will be like, "mom! dad! mom! dad." it's an interracial bill so when
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you pay at the store you're going to get mixed race change. this is such a big step for america. who a country powts its money is in some ways a statement of its values. unfortunately, how people react to that statement is in some ways a reflection of their values. >> why are we trying to change and rewrite history? >> is the treasury just pandering to the p.c. police? >> well, andrew jackson had a great history, and i think it's very rough when you take somebody off the bill. >> we honor harriet tubman in other ways, in many ways. former president george h.w. bush in 1990, declared harriet tubman day. he created a day in honor of this great abolitionist. i mean... i mean... ( laughter ). >> trevor: someone has been getting their facial expression from the emoji list. i mean... ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) oh, and by the way, that harriet
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tubman day she mentioned. that's not an annual event. this was literally one day in 1990. yes. you don't have to be a hero to get one day. how i do know this? because i got one day. and this is true, this is true. february 12, 2016, was trevor noah day in boston. yeah, and i held shero slaves in my lifetime, people. i had a day, and i helped zero slaves. in fact, i probably hurt slaves considering all the a.m. products i own. a day is not enough. and here is the thing-- money in america has never been static. it's changing all the time like a kanye west album. people are acting like god command andrew jackson be on the $20 bill like moses went up mount sinai and came back down with a bill with andrew jackson's face on it. i think america has done the right thing. but maybe, just maybe, america has done it in the wrong way. and this is one of those rare instances where i think you could have taken a cue from
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south africa. you see, our money also used to have white people on it. and those white people have also done some bad things, as white people do sometimes. ( laughter ) but when we change the money, you see, we didn't jump straight to black people. what we did was we knew we couldn't just replace white people with black people. so rereplaced them with animals. ( laughter ) because white people love animals. ( laughter ) ( applause ) so we were, like, yo, we're going to take your face off the money. and they're like what! and replace it with animals. oooh! and then later on, we were like, "hey, do you mind if we put nelson mandela on the money." and they were like, "next to the buffalo? go wild, go wild." that's the right way. for more on this we're joined by senior black money correspondent roy wood, jr., everybody! ( cheers and applause ). >> thank you for having me, man. always a pleasure to come on and talk with you about black stuff. >> trevor: thank you so much, roy. this is a big moment, roy.
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an african american woman on the 20. you must be excited. >> hmmm... not really. i mean, it's not really that big of a deal, you know. ( laughter ) >> trevor: are you not excited about this? >> look, i'm trying to be excited, but, you know, every time, you know, they give-- they give black people stuff you know there's going to be a catch. ( laughter ) like, they gave obama the country, but it was in the middle of an economic crisis. and then they gave us a water fountain. they let us drink out of their water fountains and they went and started drinking poland springs. it's cute, but nobody's using it anymore. nobody uses cash. even strippers use apple pay. >> trevor: but, roy, no, you have to admit, it's still a momentous occasion. >> that might not happen until the year 2030. you know what else might happen in the year 2030? global hotness. >> trevor: you mean global warming. >> ( bleep ) will be warm by
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then. it's going to be hot! and even if we still here, we anticipate using cash. we're going to pay for everything with chicken and baby teeth. >> trevor: roy, why don't we just enjoy the small step forward? >> you go and enjoy. i ain't using no black 20. i give people that bill, they're going to think it's a counterfeit. >> trevor: what? >> listen, listen, african you weren't here the last time ( bleep ) changed up. last time they changed up the bill, it was mayhem. and all they did was change the size of the face! ( laughter ) you have the bill, you go into the store, they hold it up to the light, and hold it up to u.v., and ink pen and brought my money into the back and showed it to the manager. too much stress, man. you think we're ready to go from big face to black face? you think that's not going to be chaos men. they're going to pull out all those counterfeit pens and write all over the face. they'll write over harriet
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tubman and she'll have so much ink she'll look like mike tyson. >> trevor: that's not fair, roy, roy, that's not fair. this is a pivotal moment for women. it's not just a black 20. it's a woman. it's a woman 20. don't forget that. >> but it's a black 20first. look, when i hand that money to the cashier, the first thing they're going to see, you know what they're going to see? the black. it's race then gender. that's how discrimination goes. that's why it's called "a black woman" not a "woman black." i'm saying. they put race first. you never hear a woman say, "yeah, give me that big dick black." >> trevor: you can't argue with that. roy wood, jr., everybody. you cannot argue with that. ( cheers and applause ) so, so there's a variety of opinion about the $20 bill change, and earlier today, our
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own desi lydic hit the streets to see what people are really thinking. >> are you familiar with harriet tubman being on the $20 bill? >> i am. i think that it's a travesty. it shouldn't be done. >> do you have a 20 we can look at? look at that. that's a beautiful $20 bill. get ready to kiss this good-bye. >> no. >> do you have a 20? you know who that is? andrew jackson. >> yeah. >> they called him "old hickory "was his nickname. yeah. >> that was my money. >> no, that was my money. i'll hold that. hold that up. good-looking guy, right? >> yeah! >> do you know they called him old hickory? thank you so much. thank you, i appreciate it. thanks. yeah, no, i think we're good. oh, no, i gave it back to you. >> oh,. >> yeah, i don't need money. i got plenty of money. i'm on television. i got some fun facts for you. you got a wonky pinky. >> no. >> yes, he did.
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thank you so much. we got what we needed. thank you, thank you. you don't have a 20? >> no. >> do you have an a.t.m. card? i think there's an a.t.m. right over here. i'll follow you. go ahead. i did give it back to you. right there. is that all you got? >> yeah. >> my limit's, like, 1,000. the thing i wanted to show you, the thing about andrew jackson he caused so much pain and genocide, it's about time that-- >> that's mine, i need that. >> not just a woman but-- >> no, the $20, i need the $20. >> i think i gave that-- i think i gave that can back to you. thank you so much, thank you. great, really good. thank you. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: desi lydic, everyone. we'll be right back. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: back back to "the daily show." now, a few weeks ago, a few weeks ago, the press got a look at the panama papers, 11 million leaked documents that detall a world of shady financial manipulation. and it implicates some big names, including british prime minister david cameron, and even soccer star lionel messi. now, cameron claimed that he was innocent, and they proved that he wasn't, and messi also says his hands are clean, but that's just because he uses his feet. ( laughter ) here to help us wade through what it all means is our senior unlicensed financial adviser hasan minhaj in "livin' on the street." ( cheers and applause ) >> thanks, trev. so, the panama papers happened.
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woop-dee-freaking-do. it's a reminder you need to treat your money like twilight fan fiction-- keep it hidden. >> hide, hide, hide. >> hiding your assets is best way to avoid taxes, keep your finances secret, and, of course, launder money. >> moving money around the world to buy mansions, cars, and private jets can be tricky business. one way to do it is through shell corporations in financial havens like panama, bermuda, and the cayman island. >> you basically want to hide what's going on. you want to move things round so nobody really sees exactly who owns what. >> you get it, nermdy austin powers. >> shell, baby! >> do you guys hear that? it's the sound of the i.r.s. crying. offshore shells may be great, but guess what? they're old news, because today, onshore is the new offshore.
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the united states of america, one of the best places in the world to hide your wealth. >> the tax justice network ranked the u.s. as the world's third worst offender for allowing financial secrecy. it is easier to set up a secretive shell company in delaware and nevada than in the cayman island. >> yeah, stuck it, caymans! been franklin said there are two things certain in life, death and taxes. he was a ( bleep ) idiot. he never set up a company in delaware. you guys work hard. let me tell you how to keep the benjamins. here's a secret business men and criminals have known for years. certain states in this country allow total corporate secrecy. shh! why go offshore to hide your money when you go to a business-friendly state like delaware? it's just as beautiful as the caribbean. you won't need sunscreen or shade, and the tax rules are loose can which is probably why delaware is the legal home to
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almost two-thirds of the fortune 500 like apple, coca-cola and yelp. no wonder delaware has 4.5 on yelp. i gave it three because the server was a rude bitch. all your favor companies are in on this. take trups. toys "r" us. they felled a shell company called geoffrey for the use of their mascot. then geoffrey pays them back and avoids taxes in the process. if it sounds complicated, it's supposed to be, but it's totally legal, yes, no matter what it is. >> ♪ they can scam on their taxes ♪ and u.s. companie company aren'r tax dodgers. >> convicted arms trafficker viktor bout used companies in texas, and florida, to buy millions of dollars worth the weapons around the world. just how widespread the practice is and what it hide is hard to tell because most states don't
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ask. >> wow! an illegal arms dealer in texas. must be hard competing against all those legal arms dealers in texas. so in conclusion, panama papers-- who gives a ( bleep )? because while everybody is hootin and hollerin about panama, remember, we're not just the best about reality tv and butt plumping, if you are looking to hide your money i have three words for you, u.s. to the ( bleep ) a. trevor. >> trevor: thank you, hasan. hasan minhaj, everyone. we'll be right back.
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daily show." my guest tonight is the former governor of vermont and the former chairman of the democratic national committee. please welcome howard dean. ( cheers and applause ) welcome to the show. >> nice to be on the show. >> trevor: nice to see you again. the last time i saw you, we were having a fake debate. >> in new hampshire. >> trevor: yeah, a debate that you won. you won-- it was a fake debate, but you still won the debate. >> thank you. >> trevor: congratulations. >> i bet you tell that to all the other four candidates, too. >> trevor: i'll tell that to them when i see them. you actually won the debate. you're my favorite. ( laughter ) you are a man who knows bernie sanders very well. if you were to put yourself in bernie sanders' shoes, what do you think is going through his mind right now? >> actually, it's very tough for him right now. i went through this, and he hadn't done well, and he probably knows in his heart he's
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not going to get enough delegates and it's tough because he had all these people believing in him all this time. the hardest thing about losing is not your own loss. it's the people who believed in you's loss. >> trevor: when we talk about the delegates-- this has become a real contentious issue on the news. the delegates and then super delegates, and what is-- you are a super delegate. >> i'm a super delegate. >> trevor: what powers do you possess? ( laughter ) >> not-- not that many. the real reason super delegates were invented was not to cook the books. it was because when we didn't have them, none of the office holders would come to the convention. on the democratic side, you had to run a campaign to get to the convention, and there was no elected official who wanted to run against their own activist. they wouldn't show up. in order to get them to show up, we told them they could come essentially without running. never in the history of the democratic party since we had super delegates ever been a race decided by super delegates.
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>> trevor: there are people, including in the sanders camp, who say they will keep fighting to the end. let's say that end does come, bernie sanders drops out of the race. you were in an interesting situation in 2004 where you were dropping out of the race. you had a following not dissimilar to bernie sanders in that you were considered the grass-roots man. you were considered the insurgent at the time. you had a tough time telling your supporters to vote for your opponent because it was such a passionate campaign. i would argue that bernie sanders' fans are even more passionate about it. do you really think he can get them to vote for hillary? >> he can, but he has to give them some time. when i dropped out, i felt terrible because all my supporters, of course, slept on floors and given me all their pizza money for years. >> trevor: why would you make them do that? >> i didn't. >> trevor: you make it sound like you were a bully-- "sleep on the floor and give me your pizza money!"
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( laughter ) >> we didn't have any money. >> trevor: i get it, they gave you their basic money. >> they do all this work for you, and it's painful. i was also, of course, furious with the democratic party because i didn't win, and i thought i should have. and so i waited for a month, and then had the big peace meeting with john kerry. and then i asked my supporters to support him. >> trevor: many people know this but some may not. one of the reasons people attributed to you facing your decline in the race was because you had a moment during the campaign. >> the scream speech. >> trevor: the scream speech. >> that was in nevada and michigan and south carolina! >> trevor: that moment many people considered the turning point. for those who haven't seen it. this is all it was. this is what happened and this is what changed the race for howard dean. >> uh-oh. we're going to south carolina and oklahoma and arizona and north dakota and new mexico!
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we're going to california and texas and new york! and we're going to south dakota, and oregon and washington and michigan! and then we're going to washington, d.c. to take back the white house! yaaa! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: i mean, that was enough for people-- you had to go on tv and your wife had to say that you are not a violent man. and you had to-- that was enough. in 2004, that was enough to throw a campaign off its course. do you watch this race now and go, "why?" >> i was clearly in the wrong party. ( laughter ) donald trump can say unspeakable things about women and hispanics, and he's still leading the pack in the republican party, which says something about the republican party, of course. but i clearly-- ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: you know what i think the thing is, though, and i'm going to give you this tip for the next time. it's a donald trump tip. the mistake you made was coming out and saying that you had done
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a sort of wrongish thing. donald trump, rule number one, you never apologize. next time you go "ya" at the next interview. if they go, "are you a madman?" you go "yaaaa!" and you will go straight to the top of the polls. i promise you that, miep friend. straight to the top of the polls. howard dean, ever they say that in life, we shouldn't sweat the small stuff. but when you're building a mercedes-benz, there really is no small stuff. every decision... every component... is an integral part of what makes the 2016 c-class one of our most sophisticated cars ever. because when you're setting a new benchmark for refinement, it is the small stuff... that makes the biggest impression. the 2016 c-class. see your authorized dealer for exceptional offers through mercedes-benz financial services. start boldly with the [ apple that bites back. redd's wicked apple.
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...from t-mobile. versus the lube strip. with a hydrating gel reservoir that gives you 40% less friction. it's designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. sorry, lube strip. schick hydro®. free your skin®. >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. today, as you all know, we lost more than just a man. we lost an icon. we lost a leader. we lost, in many aspects, a genre in itself. prince, we'll always remember you. we will always love you. your music changed our lives and i think it will continue to do that. today, we would like to dedicate our zen to you. ♪ do we remember to water the plants today ♪ i forgot to look back because
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i was so busy ♪ yes, i'm so busy too busy looking at you ♪ captiy comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> larry! larry. >> larry: thank you very much. thank you. man, look at this crowd. thank you so much.


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