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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  April 28, 2016 9:49am-10:22am PDT

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news, mckay coppins is it joining us, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) but let's get right to it. another big primary night. five more states voted yesterday, so we're now five states closer to the apocalypse. but last night was all about the northeast, and the northeast was all about the tangerine terror. >> donald trump delivering a crushing blow, dominating his rivals with a five-state primary sweep. it is now mathematically impossible for any republican contender but him to clinch the nomination before convention. >> trevor: that's right, people, mathematically impossible. that's how hard donald trump crushed it last night. he defeated math. ( laughter ) numbers were, like, "we've done all we can, guys. we're done. talk to the letters. we're out." ( laughter ) i'm going to be honest. i think trump winning all these states is an absolute disaster, and not just because of his terrible ideas, but because i was-- i was really looking forward to a contested convention, you know. really, i wanted a contested
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convention so bad, i've already picked out my outfit. ( laughter ) i think i look pretty good. can i just take a second to mention-- yeah, i slay. but i'm still holding out some hope because these guys have a plan. >> ted cruz and john kasich officially joining forces in a sort of last-ditch effort to try to sink donald trump at a contested convention. let's call it "team krasick." >> trevor: let's not do that. team krasick? that sounds like a sorority girl's insult. "that bitch is crazy and sick. she cray-sick." she literally flipped over a table, cray-sick. if you remember, a few days another ted cruz and john kasich announced a trump ( bleep ) blocking alliance in which kasich would stop campaigning in indiana and in return, cruz
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would stop campaignin campaignin and new mexico. and the alliance is going very, very well, except for the alliance parts. >> it seems as though neither candidate is willing to kind of explicitly come out in these different states and say vote for the other guy. >> so who should your supporters vote for in indiana ginever told them not to vote for me. >> i'm not campaigning in indiana, and he's not campaigning in these other states. that's all. that's all it is. >> thank you, guys. >> it's not a big deal. ( laughter ) >> trevor: what is going on here? first off, i'm starting to worry about you governor kasich? why are you always eating? why are you-- do you have a tapeworm? is that what you have. and this really shouldn't be that's hard, though. all kasich basically has to do to help cruz in indiana is not get votes, which is something he's pretty good at by now. but kasich supporters, they're not helping. >> even with a so-called alliance, there's no guarantee
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that cruz would defeat trump in the hoosier state. 22% of kasich supporters say trump is actually their second choice. >> trevor: you know what? i give up. i don't understand how american elections work. how is trump your second option after kasich? how does that like-- like, these candidates couldn't be more different. those same people, i bet they dp out, and, "yes, i'd like a plain bowl of oatmeal, please. but if you're out of, that i'll just butt chuck some sriracha, thank you, thank you. it's one or the other, one or the other, second choice." now if trump wins indiana he basically clirches the nomination, so for cruz, indiana is do or die. if you don't know, indiana is the hoosier place, a place where basketball is life. to win their hearts all cruz has to do is make a simple basketball metaphor, and it's a slam dunk. >> casting himself as the underdog at the celebrated hoosier gym cruz tried to recreate this famous scene from the film.
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>> i think you'll find the exact same measurements. >> but cruz tripped up on the punch line calling it a basketball ring. >> the amazing thing is that basketball ring here in indiana. >> trevor: air ball! air ball. how could you mess that up? ted cruz trying to be cool "i was shooting rings with my byes and i plunked the ball in, nothing but cotton webbing." so indiana wasn't cruz's best moment. but it wasn't his worst moment. yeah, see his worst moment he saved for today. >> if i am nominated to be president of the united states, they will run... on a ticket, with my vice presidential nominee, carly fiorina. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: first of all, let's acknowledge that he almost said
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"but president. let's acknowledge that, with my but, but, but, president. none of this seems to concern donald trump who is calling himself the presumptive nominee and turned his attention to the other big winner, hillary. >> i think the only card she has is the woman's card. she has nothing else going. and frankly, if hillary clinton were a man, i don't think she'd get 5% of the vote. the only thing she's got going is the woman's card. >> trevor: okay, okay. let's go with trump. yes, hillary does play the woman card. she does, she does, because she's a woman. ( laughter ) it's the same way you play the racist douchebag card. this is who you are. we all play the cards we have. so, yes, hillary does play the woman card. but you know what other cards she plays? the the secretary of state card.
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the same person we trust with the nuclear codes card. the only card she doesn't have is a working metro card. that's pretty much the only one she doesn't have. but hillary didn't take this lying down. last night, she shot back. >> the other day, mr. trump accused me of playing the "woman card." ( booing ) well, if fighting for women's health care and paid family leave and equal pay is playing the woman card, then deal me in! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: this is so cute! no, like, think about it. you haven't seen hillary crush for a while. she even said it. she said, "i'm not good at campaigning. i'm not good at jokes." and here she is she's crushing it. and she's up there with a smile on her face. finally, a joke land forward her up and know this is not going to
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be the end. when a joke lands, you keep telling that joke. i can see her the night after the thing and telling the bartender, are so then i said 'deal me in'." she is going to keep on saying it, keep on saying it. ( applause ) she'll be at her inauguration and be like, "so help me god, and then i said 'deal me in'." so after hillary called trump out for his sexist statement, trump was given a chance to redeem himself on "morning joe," but instead he said this. >> i haven't quite recovered, it's early in the morning, from her shouting that message. and i know a lot of people would say, "you can't say that about a woman," because, of course, a woman doesn't shout but the way she shouted that message was not-- ooo. that's the way she said it. ( laughter ) >> trevor: is there nothing trump wouldn't double down on? he's been accused of sexism, and
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his response is more sexism. "mr. trump, a lot of women say you're sexist." and he's like, "i don't know what she's bitches are talking about. i don't know. i don't know." ( applause ) and as if these remarks weren't disrespectful enough, from the sound of his voice, i'm pretty sure he was taking a dump while he was on that call. yeah! you know those expensive hotels that have the toilet phones. and you always wonder, who would use the phone in the toilet? now we know, now we know exactly who would do that. and you know what? trump is full of ( bleep ). because, yes, hillary does sometimes shout. you know who else shouts? everyone else on the campaign trail. bernie shouts, cruz shouts. kasich-- well, he eats, but still. but still, he eats loudly. and the last person who should be complaining about the decibel level of a speech in another person's ( bleep ) voice is this guy. >> we're going to win! we're going to win, and we're going to win! turn off the lights!
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turn off the lights! >> the trump network wants to give millions of people renewed hope, and with an exciting plan to opt out of the recession. >> dude, even when you're alone in a room, you're still shouting! the cameraman is probably like, "yo, i'm right here. i'm right here." ( laughter ) we can admit this, people. politicians are meant to shout at rallies. men and, yes, even women. that's the whole point of the entire event. do you know how weird it would be if hillary actually took trump's advice, if she was like, "i'm going to take your volume advice, trump." here's how weird it would be. >> we have to stand with each other. we have to lift each other up. lift each other up. move together into the future that we will make. thank you. god bless you, and god bless america. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: shhh.
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( whispering ) keep it down, people. we don't want to disturb donald. he's taking a dump. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) it's intelligent enough to warn of danger from virtually anywhere. it's been smashed and driven. it's perceptive enough to detect other vehicles on the road. it's been shaken and pummeled. it's innovative enough to brake by itself, park itself and help you steer. it's been in the rain... and dragged through the mud. the 2016 gle. it's where brains meet brawn. lease the gle350 for $599 a month at your local mercedes-benz dealer.
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case in point: our handcrafted at skydiving chamber.lways down for more... refueling! be hungry for more. just never be hungry. with premium pepperoni and 100% real cheese... ding! hot pockets! before it was honey in these honey nut cheerios, it was honey being collected. and honey getting made. and honey that was just beginning.
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perfect union of a cheez-it and a chip. you mean like they got married? umm... i guess... you'd make a pretty bride in that wedding gown. oh, it's a lab coat so... hey everyone, joe's getting married! bam bam ba bam. oh, i'm not. we take time for our cheese to mature in our crispy cheez-it grooves.
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an oven-baked digiorno? or waiting for delivery? did you have that beard when we ordered? a hot, fresh-baked crust? or? did we order extra soggy? don't settle for delivery. rise to the occasion. it's not delivery. it's digiorno. ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." when a new story falls through the cracks, lewis black catches it in a segment we call "back in black." >> there are only three things i like in this world-- cigarettes, liquor, and "live with kelly and
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michael." but lately, one of those is killing me. >> on tuesday, abc announced that michael strahan would be leaving the show he hosts with kelly ripa. >> i am leaving this show. >> oooh! >> to go to "g.m.a." full time. which is going to happen in september. and it's the same channel. i'm not going anywhere. i was reading some stuff that sound like i died! it's not a eulogy, people! >> wrong, strahan. you may technically still be alive but you're dead to me! i'd kick your ass myself if you were the size of the last guy who left that show. how dare you leave kelly! watching you and her playfully banter is the only they think gets me up in the morning. who the hell else is going to teach me how to make muffin pan meatloaf? so now, one half of my favorite duois calling it quits, and i'm the only one who's furious about
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it. >> kelly ripa had no warning at all, and she is all kind of messed up over it. >> i didn't want to come out here and just, like, say something i might regret. so what transpired, though, over the course of a few days has been extraordinary in the sense that it started a much greater conversation about communication and consideration, and most importantly, respect in the workplace. >> he's a rat! how could you do this, strahan! this is the worst thing a former football star has ever done to a blond woman. ( laughter ) ( applause ) shut up! he was acquitted. even worse, now i'm finding out that their whole relationship was a sham. >> insiders tell me thaticle schemichael do not get along, that kelly and the abc brass do not get along, and that some at
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disney would like to take over her hour and expand the top-rated "good morning america" for a third hour. >> yes, abc wants "g.m.a." to have a third hour so it can breathe, just like how germany took over poland so it could breathe. but on the plus side, kelly now needs a new knight in shining armor. >> "live" will kick off a search for a new cohost when the new season begins. >> all this brouhaha going on who will replace michael strahan. >> there is already speculation of who will take michael's spot, anderson cooper, andy cohen. >> one person who is throwing his name into the mix is bow wow. >> what in god's name is a little bow wow? my beloved kelliy deserves at minimum a medium-spiesed bow wow. but enough about those clowns. i know just the man for the job.
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( bleep )! ( cheers and applause ) kelly ripa, i'm waiting for your call. just make sure it's after 11:00. i'm not a morning person. ( laughter ) trevor. >> trevor: thank you, lewis. lewis black, everyone. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) 5-hour energy® presents... why are you so tired? ahh, the "after lunch food coma." we've all been there. you had planned on ordering the salad, but the pasta and fries looked so good. now, you're trying to find a place to catch a few zzzs... without the boss catching you. next time, grab a great tasting 5-hour energy® shot. it'll help you stay alert and productive... no matter what's on the menu. now is the time for 5-hour energy®.
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from virtually anywhere. to warn of danger it's been smashed and driven. it's perceptive enough to detect other vehicles on the road. it's been shaken and pummeled. it's innovative enough to brake by itself, park itself and help you steer. it's been in the rain... and dragged through the mud. the 2016 gle. it's where brains meet brawn.
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lease the gle350 for $599 a month at your local mercedes-benz dealer. (neighbor) yeah, so we're just bringing your son home. (dad) ah! greetings, neighbor. neighbor boy. he really loves our wireless directv receiver. (dad) he should know better. we're settlers. we settle for cable. but let us repay you for your troubles. fresh milk for the journey home? (neighbor) we live right there. (dad) salted meats? (neighbor) no thank you.
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(dad) hats then! (vo) don't be a settler, get a $100 reward card when you switch to directv. case in point: our handcrafted at skydiving chamber.lways down for more... refueling! be hungry for more. just never be hungry. with premium pepperoni and 100% real cheese... ding! hot pockets! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight a senior
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political writer for buzzfeed news and the author of "the wilderness." please welcome mckay coppins. ( applause ) welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: this is so good to have you here. although, i don't know if it's that good. i read reviews about your writing. and this is what i've read. you've been called a slimebag reporter. you've been called a slimebag reporter. a scumbag loser. some of your reviews, they call you true garbage with no credibility. and that was from donald trump. ( laughter ). >> donald trump, very timely reviewed the book. we put those quotes our amazon page, actually. >> trevor: i feel like that the push saleses. >> yeah, no, i wear it as a
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badge of honor. >> trevor: how did you get to that point with donald trump? crump barely acknowledges anybody. for him to go after you personally, what did you do? >> through a series of kind of freak accidents i ended up spending a couple of days at his how many housein palm beach. >> trevor: what i does that 19 that sounded like the plot of the "political hangover." you can't say, "through a weird series of events i ended up at donald trump's house." >> i was supposed to fly from new york to new hampshire on his huge plane, and because of a blizzard we were rerouted to palm beach and i was kind of just stranded there for two days. so i spent a couple of days hanging out with him, and wrote a profile that he reacted very strongly to, as you read. >> trevor: so you hung out with him. >> yes. >> trevor: what did you notice? what did he do? what is he like in person? what does he smell like? >> he has a very distinct scent.
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he smells of wealth. no, i mean, the most distinct memory i have from that whole trip was when he first got to his, like, beachside compound-- it's called mar-a-lago, and she was trying to schmooze me and telling his minion, get him whatever he wants. get him a bathing suit. and he leaned in close and said there are a lot of good-looking women here. as though he was offering them to me. it was a surreal moment. the whole thing was incredibly surreal. it was bizarre. >> trevor: did you take him up on his offer? >> my wife is back there, so i probably shouldn't say, no. >> trevor: i also like the idea that trump has actual minions working for him. >> he really does. >> trevor: i can picture him saying we need to build a wall, he-he-he. ( applause ) now, your book is-- has a very long title. it's called "the wilderness." but it's "deep inside the republican party's combative,
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contentious chaotic quest to take back the white house." you work for b.u. buzzfeed buzzfeed. the title of this book is longer than most bus, zzfeed articles. >> the publisher rejected my original plan which was just to write the whole thing in emojis. they said no, you have to write actual english words. >> trevor: you wrote a lot of predictions in this book. you wrote this book in disrnlg basically, right? >> it came out in december, yeah, yeah. >> trevor: why would you make all of those predictions so early in the race? almost every prediction is wrong. the story is right. but you said donald trump will be out. the republicans are going to stop him. fox news is going to stop him. everything has not happened. >> yeah. >> trevor: in this book. this book is sort of like the bible right now. the stories are wonderful, but the predictions are like, eeeh. >> yeah, well, that was a new experience for me as someone who writes about politics i never get predictions wrong. >> trevor: do you still predict now.
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>> no, i don't. i mean, this election cycle >> trevor: no, no, no, it's all madness. >> i think this election cycle has cured all pundits of their overconfidence. >> trevor: you'd be surprised. >> any smart or self-respecting commentator. my thing now whenever anybody tries to make a prediction, i just do the cable news cop-out of, "well, we'll just have to see what happens." >> trevor: that's a great cop-out. i've seen that on tv. it's a comment show. give me one prediction. cruz-fiorina versus trump. does cruz win enough delegates to make the convention contested? >> well, i mean, i mean, trump is-- the odds-on favorite at this point to win the convention. i think cruz is going to try to, like, shake things up. this is-- i mean, he believes he was destined by god to be president. >> trevor: which is another story in the book. it's another real story. god told him-- this is very much like the bible, now they think about it. a man was told by god to do
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something crazy and he was like, "yeah, let's do it. let's do it. and the people shall follow me." it's a wonderful book. thank you very much. "the wilderness" is available now. mckay coppins, everybody. we'll be right back. thank you so much. this is brian. every day, brian drives carefully to work. and every day brian drives carefully to work, there are rate suckers. he's been paying more for car insurance because of their bad driving for so long, he doesn't even notice them anymore. but one day brian gets snapshot from progressive. now brian has a rate based on his driving, not theirs. get snapshot and see just how much your good driving could save you. your favorite the warm cookies you crave. now in one delicious treat. baskin robbins new warm cookie ice cream sandwiches.
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( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: that's our show for tonight, everyone. here it is, your moment of zen. >> the little announcement got everybody stirred up. it was kind of fun. it was kind of fun. never know what we'll do next. man: ladies and gentlemen, "saturday night live," normally seen at this time
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will be delayed so that we may bring you live coverage of the presidential press conference. thank you. thank you. good evening. last week i held a press conference to discuss with the american people the serious matters that are facing our country and our world. some people have claimed that the questions were too soft and did not challenge this administration's position concerning the use of force in iraq. because of this, i've decided to hold another press conference in response to my previous press conference. i have invited the most diverse and respected media outlets to join me tonight. and i have encouraged them to ask the tough questions. crowd: mr. president, mr. president... yes. kathy davis, "pineapple growers trade association weekly," as we head into war, is it safe to say that pineapples continue to be sweet and delicious? [ laughter ] kathy, i would say yes. [ laughter ] i feel that whatever the political climate, the taste and enjoyment of pineapples remains a constant. [ laughter ] uh, next question. crowd: mr. president. mr. president...


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