tv The Daily Show Comedy Central August 16, 2016 1:31am-2:06am PDT
a super hilarious story that i want to get back to, so... - oh, my god, i think he's gonna do it. - chaz, what are you doing here? - aren't you supposed to be getting hitched today? - no, i'm afraid the wedding's off. it turns out that the woman i fell in love with in my d.o.n.g. wasn't a woman at all. she was some sort of virtual reality chat-bot. - oh, that sucks, chaz man. - yes. it seems i've been having sexual relations with a viral marketing campaign for mouthwash. - i'm really sorry, chaz. - i'll tell you this much, though: she did some of the best gargling i've ever seen. [squelching] . >> the 2016 daily show summer games. >> welcome ba back to the daily show's coverage of the 2016 summer games. >> it's roy would, jr. and oom's jordan klepper. >> you got to cut that [bleep] out, man. i'm an adult. i can say my name. >> say it. >> i'm roy food-- you got in my head. >> i'm great at names. >> anyway, the big news ot of rio this weekend, ryan lochte
and three other olympic swimmers were robbed at gunpoint by thieves posing as police officers, i bet you ryan lochte was like man, if we was in the water right now, i would be whooping your ass. you better pray to god it don't rain. i would just-- on your head, whop, whop. i think-- that is how swimmers fight. whop. but honestly, all jokes aside, you have got to say that that is messed up. people mass quer aiding as police officers to rob our athletes. now jordan, don't you think that that-- jordan? >> yep. >> jordan, you robbing people? >> what? >> god, know. i'm a stripper. (laughter) >> august 15th, 2016. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. (cheers and applause).
>> trevor: welcome to the daily show. thank you so much, everyone, thank you. i'm trevor noah. our guests tonight, couldn't be more excited from the new film imperium, daniel radcliffe is here, everybody. (cheers and applause) >> we have got a lot of show to get to. tons of olympic news. i know i'm biased, for me, the race to the olympics thus far was the 400 meter sprint with south african-- took the gold and broke the world record and he was in lane eight, in lane eight, people, he did it! he did it! now here is the thing, i was watching, i don't think, a south african won a gold medal. i was screaming in my apartment, running around. then i was like wait so this is what americans feel like all the time? you guys are so lucky! i have met americans be like oh, the gold medals. they're like which one. you guys are so lucky. but the truth s the news that i guess everyone in the world was fixated on was usain bolt without won his third straight
gold medal in the hundred meters. as always, he did it in style. this was him running in the semi-finals. (laughter) that is not a picture we made. he is smiling in the middle of a race. usain bolt is so fast, he's watching the race with us. that is what he is doing. and honestly, you know what, i think that this gives the jamaicans hope in the winter games because instead of having a bobsled team, they should just have four dudes ride usain bolt and win its gold medals. all right, let's catch up with what is happening in another race. the u.s. election. right now america is struggling trying to decide between who will be its next president. madame secretary of secret service or a used diagram from the jersey shore. and it's a big decision, sov course all the news media in america is focused on these two candidates and that creates a problem for the candidates because they can't be everywhere at once. they're not kevin hart. so instead, trump and clinton have campaign surrogates but
donald trump surrogates are special. because donald trump is special. and he always makes interesting choices. you know, like cleaning the fur out of a golden retriever's dog brush and using it as a wig. he thinks out of the box. his pick of surrogates are no different. this is all true, his social media director is his former golf caddy, all right. his campaign manager was a lobbyist for-- and his current spokesperson katrina pierson is a failed tea party candidate for congress who this past week shot to not ryity for saying this. >> entering barack obama and hillary clinton, remember we weren't even in afghanistan by this time. barack obama went into afghanistan creating another problem it was hillary clinton and her disinlt in libya which was also a wreck its decision to create that vacuum. they armed the rebels and they are even funding them now. >> okay, so you are saying barack obama took the country into afghanistan post 2009, is that what you are saying? >> what i am saying is.
>> well, you just said we weren't in afghanistan. >> barack obama and hillary clinton. >> that was obama's war, yes. (laughter) >> the compose sure on that news anchor's face, you can see he's like-- so-- so you are saying-- wow. she was also once arrested for shoplifting and then got in a fight about it on a reality tv show. >> you are such a liar and a hypocrite. you talked about black people being criminals and now are you changing it because we all know you are a criminal too. >> no, i'm not. >> were you convicted of a crime. >> no, i wasn't. >> did you shop lift. >> yes, i did. >> so you stole things. >> i stole clothes to get a job, yes. >> you are nothing but a thief, a shop lifter, a liar e a hypocrite and a faith. >> goddam! goddam. they fact checks harder than cnn. you lie, you are a thief, you are shoplifting. cnn should hire her, that is what they should do. wow. now after making those
statements on the new kalt rinna pierson took a lot of flak and rightfully so. but at the same time, people, i really feel so bad for her and all of donald trump's surrogates. because that has to be the hardest job in the world, even harder than being like a dj at a bar mitzvah. that must be-- i mean think about it. you are playing sexy music for a group of children who are grinding and you are trying to act like are you not a creep. you have to be like yeah, this is healthy, this is healthy, this is healthy. >> it say tough job. because as a surrogate, whatever a candidate says, the surrogate has to defend it. even if their candidate says something like this. >> isis is honoring president obama. he is the founder of isis. he's the founder of isis, okay. he is the founder. now you see that clip, we get to watch it. and we get to be shocked. and we get to laugh. and then we get to weep for america's future.
but a surrogate, a surrogate has to watch that and then go, yes, obama is the founder of isis. o bma is the foinder of isis-- how-- he is the founder-- because when he searched for the-- he found-- no, that's not-- no, this is the hardest job in the world. but you have to admit, trump surrogates, they work hard for their money. so trump said obama founded isis. or as they say in other words. >> is he not a professional politician who has been at this for 30 years with all the poll tished language, all the handlers hillary hases. >> when we are in rallies things get animated. >> i think what he is saying there is legitimate political commentary. >> there was a fundamental truth. >> they did found isis, they did establish it, their names might not be on the founding documents but they laid the ground work. >> it was clearly an exaggeration and i think also meant to entertain. >> he wasn't obviously talking about barack obama being the one that formed their business entity paper work. >> trevor: yeah, i mean, come
on. that is ridiculous. i done think anyone in isis had to file business entity paper work. oh, oh, and by the way, obama was not the founder of isis. it is crazy that you have to say this, but let's get that straight, all right. george bush was the founder. george bush. and no, no, no, no, look, really. bush wasn't the founder either. but if any president helped create it, he did the most. you can say obama left iraq too early, sure. but you can't leave a place that you are not already in. that is something you cannot escape, all right. you can't escape that. so trump goes on and say os bama is isis baby daddy. and now his surrogate, they spend day and night defending that. and then a day later, trump turns around and royally [bleep]s them. >> done all trump is now apparently walking back his claim that president obama and hillary clinton are the founders of isis.
>> trump tweeting out this morning ratings challenged cnn reports so seriously that i called president obama and clinton the founder of isis and most valuable player, they don't get sarcasm. >> you know why they report it seriously, because you are a presidential candidate! oh, why are you taking me so seriously. i'm not sure that dn ald trump knows what sarcasm means. i feel like he needed to get out of a jam and heard the word, were you being sar cass particular, that one, that's the one. that's the one. so once again, the poor surrogate who had no idea about this, then had to turn around and now defend the opposite of what they were just defendk. >> well, i think two things are going on. he was being both serious and sar cass particular. >> which is, sarcasstic or not. >> i guess it depends on the interpreter of what the-- the actual founder of isis with his name on the document, no, if you take it that way it is sarcasm f you take it as being the unintentional founder, that is
serious. >> was he being sarcast, c. >> well, the answer is yes and no. >> the answer is yes and no. yeah, that's exactly what america needs in a president. a man who is so all over the place that even the people who are hired as communication specialists are now basically the shrugging emoji. we'll be right back. (lionel) ♪it's peyton... ♪it's peyton on sunday mornings.♪ (peyton) you know with directv nfl sunday ticket you can watch your favorite team no matter where you live. like broncos or colts. (cashier) cool. (peyton) ah...18. the old number. ooh. i have got a coupon for that one. (vo) get nfl sunday ticket - only on directv.
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welcome back to the daily show. now donald trump says his experience as a great businessman will make him great for america's economy. and thus make america great again. and win, don't forget win. but great, how exactly. ronnie chieng checks it out. >> this is my first american election and come january, there might be a 54th gold trump
sign on top of the white house. as a nonwhite immigrant, can anyone give me one reason why i shouldn't get the [bleep] out of here? how about this guy, professor and a half aro, one of trump anew economic virses, what is has he got for me. >> the biggest sloo in this campaign is the economy. i believe donald trump will be great for the economy. not just good, great. >> you are an old white guy wearing a suit so i guess it fits the demographic. >> you are, let me guess, 29. >> i thought you were going to say filipino but close. >> are you young, well dressed. >> smart. >> if the major problem facing your country is the economy, who else would you want besides a business person and an entrepreneur. >> oh, right who cares about trump's crazy racei crap. in america it's all about the bottomline. trump will be great for the economy. just listen his biggest supporter. >> i am going to be the greatest jobs president that god ever
created. >> we need a leader that wrote the art of the deal. >> the guy who wrote the art of the deal, you mean tony schwarz. >> no, the other guy. >> so trump, the billionaire business boss is ready to fix the economy for everyone. like, for example, the 1400-- workers that will laid off next year when their plant moves to mexico. after a video of them moving their jobs went viral trump became obsessed to helping them. >> i am the one that brings up carrier all the time, carrier is my i fell in love with em this. >> i sat down with these workers, to find out how their relationship is going. >> so you guys must love donald trump. >> hell no. >> no, we don't endorse him. >> we want someone to be tough on china but this guy is known for using his own clothing line that is made in china. >> thousands and thousands of stories. he has people that work for him and then he don't pay them. then he lowers them out of business. >> is he a smart businessman.
>> he's a crook. >> but what does this guy know about big business. he is literally wearing a blue clar. sure they were right about trump making stuff overseas and not paying vendors but that doesn't mean he can't also help american workers. >> he will be tough with china. >> let's role play, you be donald trump, i will be china. i need you to be tough on me. >> the american people need to have-- . >> huh? >> we need jobs, i get it but i mean t just doesn't work for me. >> the negotiation with the chinese did not go well. look, the carrier workers just don't get it probably because they never had the privilege of working for the other guy without wrote the art of the deal, not tony schwarz. so i sat down with a hotel worker because she knows how great it is working for trump. >> it's very hard. we have a lot of discrimination.
they violate our rights. we make $3 less than the other people in the industry. >> sorry, i'm not seeing anything you just said in this book. >> when we tried to bring the union, we were fired. but that's illegal. that's the right that we have as workers. >> yeah. but how often was it-- awesome was it to be fired by donald trump. >> it's not awesome. >> you got to hear him say "you're fired." >> it's illegal. >> or so she alleges. big surprise, work in america, boo hoo hoo. >> where i come from people work 30 hours a day so trump is facing pesky lawsuit, don't these basic bitches in america you can't make a business deal without breaking a few dozen eggs. >> trump has 35 lawsuits against him. >> people will cherrypick whatever they want. >> not 35, 3500 lawsuits.
>> but at the end of the day, he is a very successful billionaire who has shown himself to be very entrepreneurial and very successful. >> because when are you a billionaire you can do whatever the [bleep] you want. you don't have to listen what anyone else says, you can just get [bleep] done. >> well put, ronny. >> yeah, turns out the key to helping american workers is by making as much money as you can off them. and if you still have any doubts about trump, just listen the guy who really wrote the art of the deal, tony schwarz. >> he has the attention span and the knowledge base of a nine year old with adhd. and i'm not saying that to be funny. >> good one, tony. trump 2016. >> ronnie chieng, everyone, we'll be right first they're sour... then they're sweet. sour patch kids. sour.
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(applause) >> clearly they've heard of you. >> i was going to say, a lot of imperium fans. >> trevor: big imperium fans in the house. okay, i'm going to ask this, genuinely a selfish question. how do, like, as a potter fan, how is the best way for me to talk to you without freaking you out, like how do i. >> i think everyone always expects me to not want to talk about it or anything but like, you know, i really don't mind. like i loved it, hi a great time doing them. >> trevor: this is something, you know, sort of like, i wouldn't call it a curse but people often say that child stars go through their lives to a certain extent resenting the thing that made them. you don't feel t doesn't feel like you suffer from that. >> i don't at all. because like let's face it, i wouldn't be sitting here talking for tu if it wasn't for potter. i wouldn't have do imperium, when i was really young i met an
aker in the a punk band in the 07st. i was really into t and i wanted to talk to him about it. and he wouldn't talk about it he said no, no, that is in my past. i was really disappointed so i imagine that people would feel the same way if they were talking about potter and i was like i don't talk about that any more. even saying it now, in joking i feel terrible. like, yeah. >> trevor: that would break my heart. >> yeah. >> trevor: i would walk away, and look at the wand in my pocket and be like-- expecto disappointment. >> oh god. >> i would feel terrible. >> trevor: that is what i would say. all right, now you know, i had a ton of harry potter jokes planned for the show for the interview and then i watched the movie, and i was like, like you are an amazing actor. i knew you were good in harry potter but you are an amazing actor. >> thank you. >> trevor: and this film imperium is something i never expected you to do here say clip from the movie. >> always room to improve though, right?
>> oh, yeah? like what? >> well, like look at the position of this booth and tell me without looking where the nearest exits are. >> what is your point. >> the point is of all the large booths in the restaurant you picked the one farthest from the exit. if something goes down, what the. >> we're ready for whatever goes down. >> with only you and him, i'm. >> you think you know that? >> when you pat someone down, it is pretty easy to tell. >> you spend three years in iraq you learn how to scan a room for threats. >> trevor: wow. (applause) two things, i am double impressed number one because you are so british. >> yeah. >> trevor: and yet you have an amazing american accent. >> oh, cool, thank you. >> trevor: if someone came from under a rock and didn't know harry potter they would be like this american guy sim pressive. >> awesome, thank you very much. >> trevor: and also the hair what was up with the hair. tell us about the character. because the story is really amazing. >> so basically it is based on,
not a true story, it is all based on the real life experience of an fbi agent who was undercover with white supremacists for a long time. and so yeah, i had to shave my head which was, i did that on camera and i was happy to find out i don't have a strangely shaped or marked head in anyway. >> trevor: would you have to act through that, though. >> i would. >> trevor: like you couldn't have the shot, because the whole scene, is you just shaving the head in looking in the mirror but you can't be like-- you can't do that. you have to carry on acting. >> exactly. i find that, often, i want to make that noise and i can't. but no, yeah, so i shave my head and i got, it was a very weird film to make in one way because it was a fantastic experience, its with a great crew an fantastic. but on the other hand we are dealing with this very heavy stuff and filming like right wing white supremacist rally scenes and wearing, you know, t-shirts that say white power on them and stuff like that. it is weird and horrible,
despite how much you know b like it is acting, everyone knows it is acting, we don't mean it but it is still, like, there were-- yeah, it was weird. >> trevor: for those, i don't want to spoil the film but the one thing can i tell you, it is a story of this fbi agent without goes underkofer with white supremacists and really the story around domestic terrorism which a lot of people have stopped talking about in america. like oklahoma city bombing and it talks about what inspires these people. when you were playing in a role like this, are you ever afraid of being sucked into t everyone knows you are joking but you still have to be a racist person in those moments though. >> yeah, i mean, there is never a moment where i'm like worried about my own, like, am i going to-- i am secure enough in my beliefs that i don't think that, but i also did find myself going up when using racial slurs in the filmk i would have to go up to the actors afterwards and be i'm so sorry. have i to say it i know you know i don't mean this but i still
feel like have i to say it. and you know, yeah, so we were the most apologetic bunch of skinheads that has yet been. >> trevor: a new stiep of skin heads, start a new thing. >> apology skin heads. >> trevor: it is a powerful story and i got to say again, i'm a huge fan of all of your work, i think most of us here r but i guess, you know, harry potter isn't dead, long live harry potter. >> thank you. >> trevor: in theaters august 19th. daniel radcliffe, everybody. break through! usa! usa!
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free samsung galaxy phones, four lines and sixteen gigs for just one fifty. only on verizon. >> trevor: thank you so much for tuning n join us tomorrow at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen. >> rio officials had to close the diving pool for practice today because of water quality issues. the water has turned green and one german diver said and i quote, the whole building smells like a big fart. captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ (cheers and applause)