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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  September 27, 2017 7:00am-7:30am PDT

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hey? i paused it. bam, family time. so how is everyone? find your awesome with xfinity xfi and change the way you wifi. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight, here to chat about natural disasters, journalist and author kathryn miles is joining us, everyone! ( cheers and applause ) but first -- but first, mitch mcconnell, officially announcing today that he won't schedule a vote on the republicans' latest plan to replace obamacare. ( applause ) which means it's dead!
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kaput, finished! although, we shouldn't get too happy because this isn't the first time we have been told its dead. like it might be really sick, but it keeps surviving. you know what it's like? it's almost as if the republican health bill also has obamacare. that's what it meals like. you should be dead by now. i have very good health care, very very good health care. if i had myself, i would be long gone. ( laughter ) while america is no moving backwards, other countries going forward. >> breaking news the saudi arabia. a royal ce kree issued that will allow women in saudi arabia to drive. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: yeah, yeah! congratulations saudi arabia! i wonder what prompted the change? you know, was it progressive thinking or maybe the king just needed a ride somewhere and his wife was the only one around so he was just, like, okay, okay, fine, women can drive, women can
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drive! now can you please take me to walgreen's, quickly! ( laughter ) unfortunately, saudi arabian women are still not allowed to touch the orb, though. that's the rule. no one's allowed to touch the orb. ( laughter ) before we move on, i have something important to say. you know, here on the shoark "ty show," we work really hard to get the facts right but we're not perfect. so tonight i'm sorry to say that we have to issue a rare "the daily show" retraction. as always, "the daily show" retractions are brought to you by steak ms, refrozen stakes, not just a steak. they're a mistake. ( laughter ) so last night rereported an official in trump's white house jared kushner used a private email account to conduct official white house business and that statement was wrong. it wasn't an official. it was many officials. >> more white house officials have used private email for
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official business according to the "new york times." at least six officials conducted business from their personal email accounts. the list includes jared kushner, steve bannon, reince priebus, economic advisor gary cohn. policy advisor stephen miller and assistant to the president ivanka trump. >> trevor: let's take a quick tally of all the hillary things trumps have done -- private e-mails, working with goldman sachs, being shady with foundation money. i wouldn't be shocked if we found out they're also wearing pantsuits in secret. i wouldn't be shocked at all. and can i just say trump looks fabulous there? i can't lie. he looks amazing. you know what? i've actually got a suggestion. if trump and people are going to keep doing everything they criticize hillary for doing, then hillary should do off the trump stuff. it's fun. she's got to start being racist to mexicans, send out tweets at 3:00 a.m. and since trump got to
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grab women by the pussy, hillary gets to go around america yanking dudes by the dick. go crazy hill-dog! bing, bing, bong, bong! bing, bing, bong, bong! ( laughter ) you know, when you think about it, that's the conservative nightmare, right? hillary clinton going around ripping off dicks. it's, like, obama came for our gloks and hillary came for our (bleep). ( laughter ) in other news last night the n.f.l. continued to react to president trump's demand that they stop kneeling during the national anthem. with the dallas cowboys calling a slightly new play. >> the dallas cowboys taking their stand by taking a knee before team owner jerry jones right in the middle. >> boos can be heard from the sellout crowd in arizona.
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>> after america's team acknowledged the protest for racial inequality in what seemed a choreographed move, the team stood up, went to the sidelines and linked arms for the star-spangled banner along with their opponents the cardinals. >> trevor: the crowd will not let the guys kneel, so you can't kneel during the anthem, you can't kneel before the anthem? it's gotten so intense i bet if a player drops their car keys they're probably, like, oh, i guess i'll just walk home. ( laughter ) actually, if these protests continue, this will be a good reason for guys not to get married. the girlfriends will be, like, when are you going to propose? baby, you know i would but i respect the troops too much to get down on a knee. i would, baby, i would. ( applause ) but i can't. so, now, half the country is kneeling, the other half is booing. this is the last thing that america needed yet another issue to be completely divided about.
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as we've learned, what's bad for america is good for donald trump. >> sources tell cnn that the president appears pleased with the fire storm he's created, telling a private dinner of conservative leaders, it's really caught on. i said what millions of americans were thinking. >> trevor: i love he's proud of that. "i say what everyone else was smart enough not to say." "for example, it was sexy when the batman suit had nipples. millions of americans thought so and that's why i talk like this, mmynipples, nipples nipples. ( laughter ) he is a societyio pyromaniac. this is what we does. the fire he lit is burning for other people, too, he didn't realize that. since president trump's alabama son of a bitch sermon, hundreds more players have taken the knee and now it's not just the players, everyone has started
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taking the knee. moulder and sculley from the ex-files taking the knee. arctic scientists take the knee and just today students and faculty at georgetown also took the knee to protest attorney general jeff sessions, either protest or they were just trying to get to eye level with him, you know. don't look me in the eye or i'll disappear! ( laughter ) if there's one unlikely winner from all of this, though, it's actually the n.f.l., because if you think about it, while this kneeling controversy was going on, their ratings rose this weekend, and knowing the n.f.l., it's only a matter of time before they find a way to cash in. >> it's time for the ford pre-game protest kneel brought to you by del taco. del taco, join the resistance against hunger. ( crunching ) also brought to you by icy hot, when you feel the kneel, reach of icy hot. and post-kneel boos, brought to
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you by tyler perry's boo 2, then the post-presidential tweet storm brought to you by the canadian immigration bureau. when you've finally had enough give us a call. >> trevor: i can see it now. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." there has been a lot of talk lately about race, big ideas get thrown around, black lives, white privilege, orange supremacists. how can regular people figure out how to feel? roy wood, jr. filed this report. >> used to be if you wanted to get people on board for a cause you did it through speeches, marchs or getting leo dicaprio to give a (bleep).
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but activist thought they have a better way to get people to stand against racists. yeah saw blue apron and said that's how we solve racism? >> that's the idea. >> instead of mailing white people stuff they're excited about like purple potatoes, this box contains monthly instructions observe how not to be racist and 25% of the profits go to black female activists and they also throw in a sticker or wrist band, racism swag. >> it's $100 a month. >> 1 snund. >> $100. >> seriously, white guilt runs 1 hundreds deep? i've seen the news. i've seen them red hats. white people ain't feeling guilty these days. >> no, they're not. >> well, we are coming up on a thousand subscribers. ( laughter ) >> y'all are lying. y'all are lying. >> nope. >> we're just as surprised as you are. >> mm-hmm.
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>> yeah (bleep) these white people up. >> it's revolutionary. >> their business was running like a well-oiled machine with one surprising element, white labor. >> do you pay him? >> no. ( laughter ) >> hey! come on the freedom. i had to follow these white tears to the source, a subscriber. what kind of crazy white person wants to spend $100 a month to feel bad about themselves? >> the safety pin box is life changing. it's incredible. i absolutely love it. >> you love it? >> i do. >> is this box worth $100? >> i would even go $150. >> wow. is she just guilty or really part of the struggle? on a scale of one to ten, how woke would you say you are? >> i wouldn't use that term as a white person trying to dismantle racism and systemic oppression you don't become woke, you don't get to this level. >> so you say about a six?
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>> if i'm not doing something to stop it, then i'm adding to racism in our culture. it's up to me as a white person with power and privilege to use that to help bring other white folks along. >> she was in her apartment doing her little racism homework. what about the real world? it's time to go undercover for black liberation. my mission, find out if kate can practice what she learned in the safety pin box. i hopped in my police surveillance van, wired her for sound and put her on the white version of the streets, the park. all right, kate. we're live. >> did you know that the school to prison pipeline -- >> it's hard, right? >> i guess maybe he knows already? hey, are you two talking about ways you can be better allies to black people? >> no. >> why not? >> we have other things. >> jesus. >> did you know this nation is built on the backs of slaves? >> where did you come from? >> this is painful to watch. surprise, surprise. a lot of people don't want to
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talk about race. here goes something for you, kate. ask him if he can explain why in the year 2017 a black person still has to deal with school to prison pipeline, police harassment, online harassment, corporate pollution, privatization of prisons ( kate repeating ) >> got to run faster if you want to stop racism. what can we do with private privilege, give it to black people? >> we have been everything from a queen to black slaves. >> wait, what? >> you have been a slave? >> yeah, most of us have. >> mmm, okay. i'll give it to kate, she was game but white on white talk was easy. >> i just want to first of all apologize for all of the appropriation of black music that we've done. >> don't worry about that. >> i'm sorry for la-la land. >> and i'm sorry for la-la land. >> welcome to the black lady on the computer and tell her you're
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sorry for all the white people who asked to touch your hair. >> i want to apologize for all the white people who asked to touch your hair. totally not cool. we know they do it. i just want to say sorry. thank you, thank you for your time. >> oh, wow. thank you. that was actually really nice. >> guy with the red hat on, ask him if he's paid reparations, and when he says no, ask him if he'd like to buy the two black women coffee. >> do you mind? >> yes. >> have you paid reparations? >> for? >> for everything. >> i've never paid reparations for anything. >> okay. how do you feel about buying these two women coffee? would you be up for that? >> sure. >> yeah? >> it wouldn't be reparations. >> it's a start, right. >> it's a start. >> ask them how they want their slavery coffee. >> how would you like your reparation coffee?
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( laughter ) >> this is the best thing i've heard! >> interracial dialogue and she got reparations from the guy in the red hat. i had to go back and tell leslie and marissa great news. their box was working. i spent a lot of time with one of your subscribers. you basically solved racism. she's really woke. >> we're not vested in that. that's not how we measure our success. our success is measured in how much money we can give to black. we. >> we've given away $60,000 since january. >> do you care if white people do any of the stuff in the box? >> am i losing sleep over it? that's between you and your white jesus. >> don't say that. >> no? >> i care if their credit cards clear. >> you trick white people into giving us reparations? >> pay us what you owe us. >> oh, my god. get that money. ( applause ) >> trevor: roy wood, jr., everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) go long, just kidding.
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the odds. the odds are that there is a big earthquake that will hit america. >> and we know it will, right. that's inevitable. but we don't know when and where and that's part of where the terror, i think, comes in. >> trevor: but it can only hit california, right? >> no, it's going to hit here. >> trevor: where? >> new york is 40 years overdue for a significant earthquake. memphis, seattle, washington, d.c., it is a national problem. >> trevor: all right, let's talk about new york. ( laughter ) you speak about this in the book, the fact that the infrastructure of the country doesn't seem suited to an earthquake. it's not that anyone -- but you know, like, in japan, for instance, people have prepared to a certain level. in mexico, they have a national warning system. america has none of these things in place. >> we're really good at responding to natural disasters. we're seeing that with the hurricanes, the red cross shows up and people make donations and that's all really great, but we're bad at the the preparedness side. so whether it was the literal
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infrastructure like our roads and bridges and what i like to call the metaphoric infrastructure, whether forecasting, prediction, early warning system, we have historically underfunded those and, as a result, we are way behind even developing nations on some of those fronts. >> trevor: what can people do, though? i mean, if an earthquake hits, some people would say, it's an earthquake, we don't know far in advance it's coming. it's not like a hurricane you can predict. what can you do. >> that's part of what's so scary. we can invest in an early warning system as a country. we can invest in better infrastructure so that when the quake happens the damage is less. one of the things i outline in the book is what we should all be doing as individuals and chiewnts so that if the earthquake does happen, there's a better chance not only will we live and survive but we'll come back and be resilient a lot faster. >> trevor: you have looked at what the government was doing. does it seem like there was a plan to prepare the country for a disaster like this?
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>> the scientists, the emergency managers have a great plan in place. we have the technology for an early warning system and tsunami monitoring. we do not currently have a president who's very interested in funding that, and that's a problem. >> why would a natural disaster want to stop another? ( applause ) the effect of human beings, how much of a role do we actually play in creating or contributing to earthquakes? >> this is something we're just now beginning to understand. we cause earthquakes in all different kinds of ways whether oil extraction, fracking, waste water injection from fracking and surprising ways like tunnel building, reservoirs, dams. when the hoover dam was built and the reservoir was flowing behind it we created 10,000 earthquakes blind the hoover dam. a tall apartment complex in taipei set off thousands and thousands of earthquakes just
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because to have the weight of the building. as technology increases, as we dig deeper and higher they're setting off more and quakes and they're getting bigger and bigger. >> trevor: as you look at america, the fault lines are everywhere. some would say, kathryn, i hear what you're saying, earthquakes are going to hit. which cities are the least prepared for what's going to happen? if a quake hits, where would you least want to be in the united states of america? >> new york. ( laughter ) sorry. >> trevor: i'm going to have a dinner party and i'm not going to invite you. ( laughter ) is there any hope, if the government doesn't fund these programs? is there something we can do by ourselves? anything at all? like recycling, no? >> recycling, composting is great. >> trevor: nail something to hold it? no? nothing? is there anything we can do at all? >> yes. >> trevor: what can we do.
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>> you can make sure there's nothing above your bed. >> trevor: i meant like stop the earthquake. you meant stop from dying fast. >> yes. >> trevor: okay. ( laughter ) kathryn, your book is fascinating but we will never become friends. ( laughter ) you are depressing and fascinating. thank you so much for being on the show. "quakeland" is available now. it's going to change your life. kathryn miles, everybody. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ( cheers and applause )
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>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. let's check in with jordan klepper over at "the opposition." jordan, congrats on the premiere -- okay, what are you doing, jordan? >> this will not stand, trevor, specifically i. i will not stand. i'm taking a knee in protest. >> trevor: wow, you're actually siding with the n.f.l. players. wow. >> no. no. no no no. i'm protesting their protest. these n.f.l. types don't appreciate they live in such a free country so i'm taking a stand by kneeling against them not standing. >> trevor: that's really confusing, jordan. >> yeah, well, i guess i understand america's freedom just a little bit better than you do, trevor. >> trevor: well, you know what is this i guess now i'm protesting your protest. >> no, stop that. that's not okay. you can't do that. >> trevor: you can't stop me, jordan. jordan klepper "the opposition" is next. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> watch this.
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>> klepper: i'm starting to put it together: hillary clinton said that members of the trump administration using private email is "the height of hypocrisy." but we already know the height of hypocrisy: it's 6'8". ( laughter ) scientists have named a new species of spider after bernie sanders. and i can only assume its webs try to cover everybody. ( laughter ) also, my barista this morning said my coffee was for "gordon klepper." i took it anyway, but now i must ask: do i have a secret brother? and if so, how does this barista know all about him? ( laughter ) it's all starting to make sense. "the opposition" starts now. captioning sponsored by comedy central


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