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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  March 22, 2018 11:00pm-11:31pm PDT

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pool noodles for everyone. good night! >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome, everybody! thank you so much! and welcome to "the daily show"! thank you for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight, my guest tonight is the iconic star of "rupaul's drag race," rupaul charles is joining us, everyone! ( cheers and applause ) also, we have really amazing guests joining us.
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you probably already know this. this saturday is "march for our lives." joining us today is we have five students from parkland, florida to share their views on how they believe they can make schools safer. so, please -- ( cheers and applause ) we've got a packed show, so let's get into it. first up, donald trump versus joe biden. and i don't mean 2020. i mean 3:00 p.m. after school. ( laughter ) >> it all started tuesday when biden called out the president over his past crude comments about women. >> they asked me would i like to debate this gentleman, and i said, no. i said, if we were in high school, i would take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him. any guy who talked at they was usually the fattest, ugliest sob in the room. >> this morning the president tweeted crazy joe biden is trying to act like a tough guy, actually he is weak mentally and physically. the president, by the way, is 71. joe biden is 75. >> trevor: hoda is so over
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this. like, you can see it in her eyes, i did not spend nine years drinking chardonnay with kathie lee at 10:00 a.m. just to report on this bullshit. ( laughter ) personally, i have no idea who would win this fight. biden seems scrappy, but if 70 years of mcdonald's couldn't take trump down i don't know what can. wouldn't it be funny if biden saw "black panther" and he thought it was funny to take over the white house! i challenge the commander-in-chief! each scar represents each time i ran for president! that's racist. i'm sorry, i just got into character! ( laughter ) disney is doing their best to move things forward. >> does my reopened the "pirates of the caribbean" ride minus a controversial scene. orlando's magic kingdom debuted the new version without the bride auction sequence, that depicted a group of women bound
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to an auction block with a banner reading auction take a wench for a bride. disney redesigned the scene as changen auction with a female character serving as the auctioneer. >> trevor: why is disney making pirates inoffensive? they're pirates. bad guys don't have to be woke. that's why they're bad. like all of a sudden your pirates are going to be, like, aaahhh! ewith're going to kell you all... equally, aaahhh! we shall have no bias based on race, gender or sexual orientation. we are not big got, our quarter master is black! 'sup, andré! aaahhh! andré is school! i get it, they want to get rid of racist theme in their stories. what about beauty in the beast, a woman abducted by a man held hostage still she false in love with him.
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that's stockholm syndrome. sleeping beauty, an unconscious woman kissed by a strange man without her consent. ##metoo. yeah, that's not prince charming, that's prince cosby, that's what that is. ( audience reacts ) but let's move on. let's move on to our main story. facebook has been in the news this week and the fallout from its data sharing scandal shows no sign of stopping. in fact, people have even started a movement online called #dleet facebook which people are using on facebook. ( laughter ) which if you think about it is like seeing an abstinence video being the top hit on porn club. that's why mark zuckerberg made a rare appearance on cnn to try to stop the bleeding. >> what went wrong? >> so this was a major breach of trust and i'm really sorry that this happened. you know, we have a basic responsibility to protect people's data, and if we can't do that, then we don't deserve
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to have the opportunity to serve people. so our responsibility now is to make sure that this doesn't happen again. >> trevor: why do tech c.e.o.s always speak like they're launching a new product -- i'm proud to launch our new innovation -- the apology. this excuses everything, i'm really sorry. at the very least zuckerberg knows he's in hot water which is why he's willing to take his pollingy wherever it's needed. >> will you testify before congress? >> so the short answer is i'm happy to if it's the right thing to do. what we try to do is send the person at facebook who will have the most knowledge about what congress is trying to learn. so if that's me, then i am happy to go. >> trevor: oh, wow, that's right. zuckerberg says he's willing to testify, but if i was a congressman, i would want him to testify because you realize that dude knows everybody's secrets. if they try and grill zuckerberg, he could just be,
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like, sure, let's talk about transparency. every few days you click on your daughter's best friend's bikini photos. any more questions? ( laughter ) and, look, while zuckerberg's comments may not have been entirely reassuring, i did sympathize with him on one thing. >> if you told me in 2004 when i was getting started with facebook that a big part of my responsibility today would be to help protect the integrity of elections against interference by other governments. you know, i wouldn't have really believed that that was going to be something that i would have to work on 14 years later. >> trevor: yeah, you have to admit, that is a weird situation to be in. this guy started out by basically making a hot or not web site for his college and now america is counting on him to protect the integrity of its elections. that's an insane world to be in. it's like in an astroid was headed toward the earth and for some reason we turn to the guy who invented tinder -- tinder guy, we need you to save us!
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aaahhh! aaahhh! anyone try swiping left? aaahhh! it's my on move! ( laughter ) we torn to senior tech correspondent and computer owner ronny chieng, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ronny, after learning that facebook allowed random companies to access their personal data, is it fair for people to feel like facebook betrayed their trust? >> oh, people are pissed off on the internet? oh, wow. what a surprise. the only people to blame are the dumbasses that share everything about themselves online every day. it's, like, look at the food i'm eating or look at who i'm banging or look at the food i'm banging. it's ridiculous. >> trevor: to be fair, ronny, not everything people share on facebook is superficial like that. >> no, it really is. like, you don't need to tell the world your relationship is complicated, okay? every relationship is complicated. especially when you're banging the best eggs benedict on the
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east coast #brunch! >> trevor: so i take it you're not on facebook. >> what, no, of course i'm on facebook. i just don't care if they take my data because i'm not naive enough to post anything real about myself. if you check my profile it's pictures of iceland and sundae mimosas. i don't know what a mimosa is and iceland isn't real, i just steal pictures of white ghost inns dwrams. >> trevor: what's the purpose if everything is fake? >> because it's fun. this is the internet, trevor. you can be anything. why would you want to be yourself? think about playing a game like wall of war craft. you could choose to be a wizard with magical powers or a an ork with superstrength. but, no, i'm just going to into battle as ronny a guy who bleeds every time he flosses. it's the same thing with facebook. on facebook i'm not a 5'7 asian dude, i'm 6'5 and half black! >> trevor: why only half
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black? >> because i still want to be able to book airbnbs. ( laughter ) >> trevor: that's fair enough. but then aren't people weirded out when they meet you in real life? >> no, i never meet no psychos on the internet. they're never who they say they are. >> trevor: i guess that makes sense. ronny chieng, everybody. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) ♪ come to my window ♪ ohh ♪ crawl inside
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♪ wait by the light of the moon ♪ applebee's to go. order online and get $10 off $30. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. my doctor says i havey, what's skittles pox. are they contagious? i don't think so. contract the rainbow! taste the rainbow! old (whispering) spice old spice old spice
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(screaming) old spice, old old, spice old, spice spice, old we make sense. for men. each one is unique in their own way. hot, mild, cheesy, and garlic. i thought it was a costume party. get together already, with tostitos. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." as we all know, there was a school shooting last month in parkland, florida, and the response from the students has captured the attention of the nation. joining me to talk about where america goes from here are students from marjory stoneman douglas high school. please welcome elijah, josh, kai, thomas and carly. ( cheers and applause ) welcome to the show, everybody. you folks have been at school for a few weeks, now, post the shooting. is there a general shared mood amongst the students?
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or would you say there is different levels of grief in the classroom? carly? >> i think there is different levels of grief but it's overall supportive. if you see someone crying, even someone you don't know, you feel comfortable enough to be there for them and to be there for everyone. >> trevor: is that something you've seen post the shooting as school as a whole where people have to go, like, we are suffering through something, we are in pain and at the same time we have to overcome that? >> yeah, most definitely. >> not really overcome, though, but more get through it because i don't think we're ever going to overcome that completely, but just support everyone, really. >> trevor: right. and when you look at the discussion itself, some people say the solution to this is arming teachers. others say the solution is restricting guns from younger people. you at this table all go to the same school but you don't have the exact same views when it comes to this. how have you managed to respectfully engage in these
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conversations whilst disagreeing on what to do? >> so personally not everyone does respectfully disagree. some people will get into a heated debate. most of us respect each other's opinions because we went through this horrific event together. we're all feeling pain. some people lost multiple people they love. >> right. >> so we respect they're going through this, we're all going through this. it's a general consensus that we respect each other. we don't want to get into a heated debate. we don't want to hurt someone's feelings further than they've already been hurt because of the events that have happened. if you look at the proposals that have been forward, are you going i don't really agree with that? >> i don't agree with arming teachers. i think if they do, they have to be an ex-vet. i wouldn't think an ordinary teacher would want to be armed at a school because they're not comfortable being with a gun and i don't think they would have it on their person. one of my teachers would be saying it would be locked in
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their closet. they wouldn't be able to get to the closet in time to protect us. the money spent could go to education. >> trevor: josh, on your side, you said it makes you feel a little bit safer knowing a teacher is armed. you want people in school who have guns because you feel like someone who comes into the school is less likely to do that because they know there are guns there. >> yeah, like, i'm not against teachers having guns. >> trevor: right. >> you know, i think if a teacher is trained and they have a background and history with it, they should be able to bring a gun if they want, be completely concealed. no kid would even know they have it. i'm more so for having security and police at our school so teachers really won't have to worry about it and i do think it's a deterrent and i think if something happens they can stop it, like if you look at what just happened in maryland, their school resource officer stopped the shooter before he could do really much harm. >> trevor: right, and if
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someone said to you, but, josh, why don't we just ban guns altogether, why does that not connect with you as a person? >> i think banning guns, it sounds like the easy answer but it's really not. like, there's 350 million guns in the united states right now. like, there's absolutely no way that people would be able to, you know -- like the government would be able to collect them all. it's people's god-given right to self-defense. i don't agree with just taking that away. >> trevor: kai, on your side, a teacher having a gun doesn't make you feel better. why? >> no. if i'm being honest, i don't want to seem like that guy, but me being a minority in the south and having a teacher have a gun regardless of color does not make me feel comfortable. even when you have resource officers who are taking matters into their own hands, i don't think that lethal weapons should have a place in the school environment. if you need to have some kind of weapon to, you know, defend
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people, i do believe it should be a non-lethal option. >> trevor: right. elijah, people are going to be marching in washington, d.c. and in many other cities around the united states. what do you hope would come from this march? >> well, i hope there's a lot more attention to the fact that, again, this is a march for lives that resolves this multi-facetted issue. so i think this march with it, people calling upon different aspects such as gun control, mental health, i want people to focus on the fact that we need to prevent something so atrocious from ever happening. this is domestic terrorism, essentially. and this is a multi-leveled issue that requires different solutions. it's not just one sweep-all solution. it's not we ban all guns, it's not we fund more mental health, it's an all-out multi-sided solution that we require. >> trevor: right. and before i let you go, is there something you feel like
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people are missing about you as human beings and as students? >> i think they forget that we're still in pain, and some of us aren't ready to just go back right into our lives and to school and, like, we go to school and there's still media there every day. there are people standing outside taking pictures like it's the las vegas sign, and it's still new for us. it's only been a month and a half and we're still in pain. >> trevor: thank you so much for coming and joining us. i know people will be marching with you. you guys have motivated a nation. thank you very much for your time. >> thank you ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: one more time, ladies and gentlemen. amazing budge students from msd high. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) any object. any surface.
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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the emmy-winning host and executive producer of "rupaul's drag race." now in its tenth season. >> welcome, ladies! ( cheering ) you're here! can you believe it's been a decade of drag race? do you like what we did with the work room? >> yes! >> may these rejuvenated sugar walls inspire your charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent. this season, our mission is simple -- so take over the mother tuckin' world! ( cheering ) >> trevor: please welcome rupaul charles! ( cheers and applause )
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>> thank you! >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> thank you so much. i feel like i'm at home here. you know we used to film our talk show here 20 years ago. very same studio. >> trevor: you were filming the show when you were, what, five? >> well, darling, when you were five -- perhaps -- no, a long time ago. >> trevor: you have been in the game a long time. you have been successful for a while. >> i didn't choose the game! the game chose me! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: many people would argue that rupaul is the reason drag became widely accepted in society. is that a contradiction in a way? is that a paradox, drag being accepted because, in many ways, track is meant to buck mainstream, right? >> no, drag really breaks the fourth wall. it really says you are not who you think you are, you're actually playing a role. >> trevor: right. >> so most people can't accept the idea that they, too, are playing a role. so, no, drag, i don't think drag will ever really be mainstream unless people evolve to this
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place where they are these exotensionist gurus. ( laughter ) >> trevor: what does drag mean for you? >> money, mortgage. mortgage payment, car payment. you know. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> trevor: it has paid your bills, but it's also done something really powerful. in many ways, it defies what masculinity is meant to be, right? >> absolutely. it's a punk rock statement. it says to this masculine-dominated culture, you know what? i'm not going to fit in this box or that box, i'm going to is a, hoo hoo hoo! boxes! who cares about boxes?! you know. that's the only way i could survive this life is just be a heckler and have fun wit. >> trevor: right. >> everybody takes everything so seriously, they take themselves so seriously. aaahhh! i can't do that! what's in here? i can't do it!
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bartender! >> trevor: i would say that little moment there is then capslation of "rupaul's drag race." whoo! what's in this? ( laughter ) it's really controversial. the votel in the drag race this last season, people were up in arms about who got chosen to be the winner. you basically brought in your own electoral college. why dud you do that? >> you know, all the girls are winners. you know, whoever takes home the cash, that's a whole another subject, but they're all winners. they're all winners! >> trevor: but there's one winner with money. >> oh, trust me, those bitches are out there right now making $100,000 a night. you know, they are -- they are pulling in the coinage. >> trevor: right. >> they are making the dollars! and they are all winners! so, you know, the fans are outrageous, you know, they get
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very excited. >> trevor: right. >> and, so, it doesn't matter who wins. they could be talking, they're going, oooh, why didn't she win? she got -- and she was up in -- and i said, oh, no, she didn't! they always do that, trevor, darling, so it's just okay. it's okay. in fact, we have another season starting up, it's already starting up, so they're going to be talking about that one, too. >> trevor: if you could change one perception that people have of drag in the world, what would that change be? >> you know what? i learned years ago i can't change the world. i could change my mind but i ain't concerned with other people. you think i would be sitting in this seat if i was caring about what other people had to say? huh-uh, no. ( cheering ) i am not studying other people because you know why? because other people are crazy! they're crazy! they really are.
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( acting drunk ) >> what's in this! >> trevor: whatever it is i'm glad we both have some. "rupaul's drag race" airs thursdays at 8:00 p.m. on vh1. rupaul charles. well, like most of you, i just bought a house. -oh! -very nice. now i'm turning into my dad. i text in full sentences. i refer to every child as chief. this hat was free. what am i supposed to do, not wear it? next thing you know, i'm telling strangers defense wins championships. -well, it does. -right? why is the door open? are we trying to air condition the whole neighborhood? at least i bundled home and auto on an internet website, progressive.com. progressive can't save you from becoming your parents, but we can save you money when you bundle home and auto. i mean, why would i replace this? it's not broken.
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hey, thomas, when's your flight? (gasps) someone stole my watch. hey! (avo) switch to the best unlimited on the most awarded network, verizon. and now for a limited time get up to 50% off the latest iphones. >> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight. before we go, don't forget to vote in "the daily show"'s third month mania bracket tournament. this year our bracket is all about choosing the year's best bullshit. round three is now open. log on to third month mania.com and cast your vote. "the opposition" with jordan klepper is up next. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> your successful presidential run is something all people, young people included should look up to. what would advice would you give to the 25-year-old donald trump
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if you had known what you know today? >> don't run for president. ( cheers and applause ) >> jordan: tontd the opposition is breaking free from the studio and taking it to the street, the suburban streets, america faces an existential threat and it's coming for our kids because it is our kids. >> saturday students will continue their protest in washington d.c. at the march for our lives rally. >> march 24th, we are going to be marching together as students begging for our lives. >> they're too young to buy guns, why should they be making my gun laws. >> the dumbest members of society, the least capable are the youth. >> jordan: these crazy children think it is their place to enact change and pass meaningful gun regulations. even the folks around our nation's capitol are starting to welcome them. [bleep] can somebody take this, its a he just-- it's too much. through

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