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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  May 15, 2018 1:35am-2:05am PDT

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, "no more!" just when it seemed that we were about to live in a world controlled by drones, she did something miraculous. and someday, our children's children will still be telling stories about how craig's mom flew through the town and led all the drones away. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ have you heard the tale of craig's mom's bush ♪ ♪ and the night that it saved us from drones? ♪ ♪ nobody knew the power it had ♪ they just thought it was shaggy and gross ♪ ♪ craig's mom lived a life of shame and despair ♪ ♪ everyone feared her great, giant bush ♪ theydidn't. ♪ but then when drones were filling the sky ♪ ♪ she unfurled her bush and she used it to fly ♪ ♪ craig's mom's bush, craig's mom's bush ♪ ♪ gargantuan thicket of madness ♪ ♪ bigger than earth and denser than gold ♪ ♪ truly a magical bush to behold ♪ [ whistling ] well, you see, butters? everything worked out. "oh, thank you, eric. "i screwed up everything, but now everyone's happy. thanks for covering my ass." craig's mom doesn't seem very happy. [ whistling continues ]
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all right. i have a way that we can make craig's mom happy. no. no, no, no. i'm sorry. thank you, eric. i screwed up everything, but now everyone's happy. thanks for covering my ass. you're welcome. ♪ and she flew and she flew away into the sun ♪ ♪ and then she di-i-i-ied ♪ craig's mom's bush, craig's mom's bush ♪ ♪ truly a magical bush to behold ♪ comedy central from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome to the daily show. thank you so much. and thank you for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight, pie guest tonight, i'm a huge fan, you know him from dexter and he's got a brand new netflix series
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"safe," michael c. hall is here, everybody. but first, if you put on spotify at your barbecue this weekend you might have noticed something missing. >> the time's up movement now taking aim at rb stinger r. kelly. >> taking pressure from music streaming services. spotify, pandora an apple music all announcing they would noing loor promote kelly's songs, removing them from their play list though fans can still search for them. >> trevor: yeah, that std ultimate punishment for r. kelly, no more streaming. also, note to self, note to self, never go out wearing a bandit mask just in case the news needs a photo saying you did something wrong because people will just assume that you are guilty right, even zorro looks at him like he did it, he totally did it now i know some r. kelly fans are angry saying like how can they censor r.
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kelly he's done nothing wrong. look, he's not censored. the play lists just don't recommend him any more. the same way i haven't banned r. kelly as a babysitter, i just don't recommend him any more. that's all. in other news over the weekend president trump, the r. kelly of the white house dropped a tweet that caught a lot of people by surprise. >> it's another trump tweet that's causing controversy this morning, president xi of china and i are working together to give massive chinese phone companies zte a way to et about back in business fast. too many jobs in china lost trk comes after the u.s. government penalized the tkses company last month for violating actions against north korea and iran. the president later feeling the heat from critics taking to twitter once again. china and the united states are working well together on trade but be cool t will all work out.
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>> trevor: about cool t will all work out. i like how trump has adopted the foreign policy strategy of the tbie without used to sell me weed, you know? but let me get this straight, just so i wrap my head around this. trump is now promising to bring jobs back to china. i love trump. he's like a gang sta rapper, one moment he is beefing with the chinese. the next is he dropping a could labo with them. >> yeah, we're on the same team, remix. and i honestly don't know how these trade negotiations are being to shake out but at this rate i have a feeling trump will drop the tariffs against china, give them everything in exchange for a pair of numchuks. i did it folks, i did it moving on. you may remember that urg do the presidential campaign donald trump had a number of ambitious goals like bringing bag coal jobs and launching hillary at the moon. but perhaps his most grad yoas goal was this. >> you are a deal person, right. the ultimate deal is that deal,
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israel, pal stein. are you going to make it, that probably is the hardest deal there is to make. if i'm going to be president, i would rather be in the position, because i will try, the best i k and i'm a very good deal maker, believe me to try and solve that puzzle. are you not going to solve if you are going to be on one side or another, everyone understands that. >> now first of all, first of all, props to trump for thinking that the ultimate deal is pass in the mid e8 east and not the number four, mcdonald's that say step up, i like that and also i'm impressed with how confident he was. i bet they were thinking all have i to do is have michael cohen pay the palestinians $130,000 and poof, problem solved. no problem, folks. and to be honest, this is one of those issues where part of me was willing to give trump a chance. i mean israel and plal stein have been fighting for 70 years, like what is the worst thing trump could do. well today he answered that question. >> the trump administration
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upending decades of established american policy. officially moving the u.s. embassy in israel from tel aviv to swrers lem. >> that added fuel to the fire of weeks of palestinian protests along the gaza border more than 50 palestinians killed by the israeli military, more than 2,000 injured i don't care who you r i think we can all agree this was a horrible loss of life, and sadly anyone could have predictd. 9 israelis and palestinians both claim swrers lem as their capitol so america moving its embassy to swrers lem before even holding peace talks was bound to be a provocative move. and there was a moment where trump considered not doing it. but not out of concern for the human costs. >> we said sir, we're building an embassy in jerusalem, sir. i said how much. something other presidents don't ask but that's okay. they said i kid you not, they
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said sir, $1 billion. i said a billion. you know what a billion dollars is? so i called, i stopped signing, by the way. i had donald, donald-- and then it was like dead-- and then all ever a sudden i stopped, never got to the t. and i started putting xs because i was afraid that somebody could say it was my signature. (laughter). >> trevor: i love that trump tried xing out his signature like he was voiding a check. as if somebody was going to take the executive order out of the white house trash and fill out the rest of his name. like some kid would use it as his fake i.d. like sorry buddy, you have to be 21. that is no way to talk to the president of the 9 united states. i am so sorry, i can see your signature, right this way.
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so trump was against it but then once the president figured out a low cost way to destabilize the middle east he went ahead and moved the embassy. and as angry as the palestinians are, to many israelis trump is a hero. >> the israeli people also celebrating the occasion, protrump signs a signal of president trump's growing popularity in the country. >> the mayor of jerusalem has put up an image of the old wall that actually shows an animated u.s. flag and israeli flag. >> the large soccer club is changing its name to honor the president, the beital jerusalem football club will be known as beitar trump jerusalem. >> trevor: that's right, trump has gt enso popular that they are naming an israeli soccer team after him, which is perfect. because a lot of people don't know this but that team only won their league because james comey stepped in and tripped a play on the opposing team. yeah.
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everyone was confused. er in's like what is james comey doing here, they're like i don't know, trevor needed him for the joke. an here's 9 thing. if trump wants to take israel's side, that's his prerogative, but at least be horchest about it. instead of stoking the flame at the same time you are saying this. >> our greatest hope is for peace. the united states remains fully committed to facilitating a lasting peation agreement. >> if you are palestinian, you probably think that statement is absolute bull ddz shit an can i understand why. because essentially although america say ttion is the referee t is basically just shown up to game two in a cavs jersey and is like yeah, i will be totally fair, right, lebron, wink wanning. wanning. we'll be right back.
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like the crisp, cold some refreshment of busch.hange. but some things should...
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like mike's aim. mike! toss me a busch! wow. good effort. buschhhhhhhh >> welcome back to the daily show.
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also week the trump administration announced a new policy to deter illegal immigration. it if any families are caught answering illegally-- entering illegally from mexico border patrol will take the clirn away from their parents indefinitely. which say horrible proposal and a great plot for the mexican reboot of taken. it will be like, have i a particular set of skills. i will find you and i will kill. but first i need to approve my visa then i'm coming for you, man. but over the weekend trump's chief of staff and kaw kaition grinch john kelly went on npr and immigration policy came up and this is what he had to say. >> let me step back and tell you that the vast majority of the people that move illegally into the united states are not bad people. they're not criminals, they're not ms-13s. >> trevor: i'm not going to lie. it is nice to hear someone in the administration, especially trump's top guy say mexicans aren't all criminals.
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but any compliment that weak is always a little suspicious. if a parent teacher conference started that way you know that something crappy was coming. >> the teacher was like now let's step back for a second. your son timee isn't in ms-13, however-- so look, if john kelly stopped there, that would have been fine, i could go home early. but you've all seen the show and you know how this works. so let's hear the rest. >> they're not criminals, they're not ms-13. but they are also not people that would easily assimilate into the united states. they're overwhelmingly rural people 6789 and the countries they come from, fourth, fifth, sixth grade educations are kind of the norm. they are coming here for a reason. and a sim pathize with the reason but the laws are the laws. >> trevor: okay, okay. so they're not bad people. they are just not the right people. i mean, don't get me wrong, overwhelmingly rural is fine as
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a title for a kenny chess knee album but-- (laughter). >> trevor: in the a criteria for immigrants. and it's weird to me. here is the thing. it's weird to me that kelly starts out, kelly starts out talking about the law and then he suddenly is talking about the people. cuz here's the thing. if the laws are the laws, it shouldn't matter whether the people breaking them or overwhelmingly rural or not, right. kelly is is showing his hand here. it's basically like telling someone that they are not invited to your party because you know they wouldn't enjoy it and then after that immediately saying, it's really more for people without don't smell that way. you gave away your game. but look, antiimmigration rhetoric is nothing new. if you know anything about the story of america, this is it. the story of america is immigrants coming to a new land and then once they arrive, trying to stop more immigrants from coming to that same land. swi crazee. it what be like if antman joined
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the avenger and then is like guy, i think it's enough now, i think it's enough. we've got enough avenger, am i right. yeah, we swrution needed an and. now we have an ant, we're good. no more avengers, no more. what about your wasp friend. >> okay, he can come in but then no more verngs. i need something to ride, come on now. >> america has always had these attitudes about immigrants. a hundred odd years ago the irish showed up in america unexpectedly like a you2 album on your iphone and back then, back then america started freaking out. people put up signs that said no irish. they even drew cartoons depicting the irish as appes. yeah, which is disgusting for two reasons, one, because it is offensive to irish people and two because it's just laz eevment you can't take the thing you call black people and use it on the irish. that's racist appropriation. (applause)
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that's lazy. and it wasn't just the irish. in american history all sorts of foreigners were said to be destroying the country, chinese people, russians, germans, italian. and the lines were the same. they're bringing crime, they're bringing rapists, in fact, back in the day americans thought of italy as the shithole country. which look, i understand. i mean i don't know if you have ever been there but i've been and the streets are flooded, the buildings are falling apart. i fell like i was on a unicef tour, i was like come on, man. but the truth is though, truth is, italian americans just like other groups, that came here, they did assimilate. every group can assimilate. they learn skills. they made rocky. they became valuable members of society. and are there bad apples, of course there are bad apples. but that doesn't mean we should label all of them. we don't have to label all of
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them. the pointed is even uneducated immigrants can make america great. and you know what, here say great example. an italian day labourer named john deparko, he lived in america for 47 years without becoming a citizen. he was he spoke no english. but his great grandfather went on to become a top marine corps general and then even became the white house chief of staff. z so you see folks, if it weren't for immigration there would be no john kelly. and without john kelly, the white house would be in chaos. i just unproved my point. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪
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>> trevor: welcome back to the daily show, my guest tonight say golden globe award-winning actor and you know him from dexter and 6 feet under. he is currently starring in the new netflix series "safe." pleas welcome michael c. hall. (applause) welcome. >> thank you, thank you. >> trevor: i know it must get irritating but there are so many actors that have a role that is tied to their face. daniel radcliffe will always have harry potter. you are always going to have dexter looming over you. >> yeah, yeah. >> trevor: like do you sometimes, like want to give people the dexter i'm going to kill you look when they say it's
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dexter. >> sometimes they ask me to give them that look. and i am like, i'm actually already giving it to you. it's like, it's just my face. >> trevor: i feel like i wouldn't trust you in real life. i would have to get to know you. >> yeah. >> trevor: because dexter, he is a fies guy in person and everyone around him is like this guy is cool. he should be here. we should give him a butter knife, no you shouldn't. >> right, right. >> trevor: so you have this character that has become synonymous with your face for so long. what do you do after that. do you go i'm ak tifly going try to play roles that are different or do you embrace it and move on? >> i mean if somebody sends me a script and the guy is like a serial-killing funeral director, i'm probably not going to want to do it. but you know i don't shy away from it either. i mean the first job i did after dexter was a movie. and in the first scene i killed someone but i did it accidentally. so baby steps. >> trevor: i like that you are weaning yourself off the murders. >> yeah. >> trevor: like slowly. in this one someone dies around
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me, look at that. >> yeah, yeah, i didn't do it. >> trevor: next one someone gets really hurt, we're progressing. are you in a new show on netflix called "safe." let's look at the clip. >> with you, with us, with jesus christ our lord, amen. >> wow, wow. >> case in moint. (applause). >> trevor: now i know most people will be thinking of trump and melania when she slapped his handment but. >> we try to be topical. >> trevor: but tell us what
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that scene was about and loosely what the story is about don't give anything away though. >> that is the scene, those are tom the character i play, those are his two daughters, one is 12-rbgs the yowjer one and the other 16. he's recently widowed. six months, this is sort of a flashback, that scene. is he a pediatric surgeon. is he really good at his job but at home he's completely out of his depth, having trouble as a single father. and this story kicks off with his oldest daughter going missing and very much about him figuring out what happened. >> trevor: it takes everything in a direction that people don't expect though. is the town where this is happening it is not a normal gated community it seems like everybody has a secret. when you watch the first episode, you are like this seems normal. quickly you are like this is not normal. >> what is really fun about this show is that at any point in time, any given character in the show could conceivably have been the one who did the diseed. >> right. >> and also these people are living in a gated community to try to keep the danger out, the
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irony is that it emerges from within. but there is maybe a metaphor about walls and things like that. >> yeah. >> and. >> the great wall. >> yeah, yeah. >> trevor: which wall within the great wall with china. >> trevor: i'm on the same page, the same page. >> you know what was fascinating for me is the fact that you also played a british person, this is something i don't see often and i don't know if anybody knows this, but you see a ton of british actors in hollywood right now and you don't see many american actors getting to play british roles, is this you trying to reverse invade. >> i'm turning the table on this trend, yeah. i don't know what st, you will see a western and st all british and australian guys. >> trevor: right. >> but it doesn't happen as often that american-- i guess people come to america, that is where you want to go to really make it as they say. >> trevor: you know what i heard funny enough is i heard that a lot of directors said for them its' because the people are not recognizable so you get this
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british actor who acted forever so they have the experience of someone who has done it forever but nobody knows who they are. so when they powp, but did you something completely different. you went no, i'm going to go from america to-- do british people know dexter. >> british people do know dexter but british people are totally cool with the phenomenon of an actor doing a british accent. >> trevor: i thought were you going to say they are cool with serials. they are totally cool with that type of thing. at some point someone has to go. >> yeah. dexter is like the british friend. s. yeah. t so you are plague the role, are you playing it in manchester, did you have to prarks was that a manchester absent. >> it wasn't, they didn't want us to have noticeably northern accents so it is more of a home county accent. >> trevor: how do you practice that without mocking. i would start seriously in the
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sceneness i would be like what has happened to my child. she has gone and fallen off the bridge. my child has fallen-- . >> yeah, yeah, that's the key. to sound not like, you know, a stereo typical kok knee thing or really posh thing but actually a living, breathing, every day british person. that was the challenge. >> trevor: and that my friend is why you get paid the big bucks. thai so much for being here. safe is available on netflix. michael c. hall, everybody. we'll be right back.


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