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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  November 14, 2018 11:00pm-11:31pm PST

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-mmm-- -mm! ♪ (melancholy music playing) comedy central comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause).
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>> trevor: welcome to the daily show, everybody, thank you so much for coming out, take a seat, i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight is the world's first black chess grand mather, maurice ashley joining us, everybody. and he's going to explain to us exactly how the horse moves. but first let's catch up on today's headlines. >> melania trump, you know those movies where the beautiful but mysterious woman with the foreign accent is actually a secret assassin? well, maybe we should have seen this coming. >> a drawmic move by melania trump that apparently blind sided top white house aide. >> melania trump office releasing a statement publicly blasting a national security official. >> the first lady called for deputy national security advisor mira ricardel to be fired complaining directly to her husband about being unhappy with ricardo during her first strip to south africa during october,s two fawt over seating on the
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plane and using national security resources during the trip. the first lady's office issued a statement saying she no longer deserves the honor of serving in this white house. >> trevor: sweet lord, melania does not mess arounded. we barely hear were her and then when she does speak it is to fire somebody? whatever this lady did must have made melania so mad because you realize trump cheats on her and she's pretty chill about it but mel anio goes on a flight and she is all like bit much took our seat. and honestly, i don't even know who this is, mira ricardel who is this person that they are firing? like they are running out of people we know to fire. this is like walking dead season 6, oh no they killed derek? moving on, the california wildfires continue to destroy homes and property. but some people aren't having it. >> tmz is reporting that kayne west hired a private firefighting team to help his california home keep safe from
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the wildfire in malibu. now that home sits at the end of a cul-de-sac. if that home caught on fire it would have lead to a ripple effect through the neighborhood west says so the family hired a team of firefighters armed with hoses. it worked. the firefighters saved their 60 million dollar home and several of their neighbors homes as well. >> okay, there is rich and then there is private firefighter rich. yeah. i'm pretty certain that hoses don't even have water, they just use cristal. you probably didn't even know lamb bore againee made a fire truck, did you. you didn't know that i didn't even know that private firefighters were a thing. but i guess when are you that rich you just point at someone and they become your personal firefighter. like hey you, fight the fire 6789 screw you, kayne, oh, how much? yeah, i'm fighting the fire, i'm fighting the fire, i'm a firefighter. a fighter for money. and it's weird that kayne hired personal firefighters but it is not the weirdest thing i can imagine him doing. honestly, i wouldn't be
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surprised if he just tried to talk to the fire about his theories on creativity and after ten minutes the fire is like you know what, i will just let myself out. >> moving on to other 234us, "fortnite," a tbaim about killing everyone in sight and now it's about to get violent. >> the nfl is partnering with forth knight and st creating some controversy. players are using the nfl kwr50u6r78s now available in the game to create controversial players among them is one avatar that looks like aaron hernandez holding a gun. players have also made characters that look like o.j. simpson and colin kaepernick. >> okay now first of all that is a weird list of controversial players. a convicted murderer, a guy a us cooed of double murder and a guy who kneeled a few times. okay, news, fair enough, also why put o.j. into forth knight it is literally bringing a knife to a gun fight, that is a waste of time and i love colin, will be useless, everyone shooting and he is taking a knee behind a bush wa, good is that.
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we see you, colin, we see you. all right let's move on to our top story. >> the democrats. now you guys may be too young to remember this but back if the day they used to run these streets. at one time they herring. they had house, the senate and a black president who spoke english. anyway after eight years of impotence the house democrats are back in command. and it turns out-- it turns out that they won the election so hard last week that they are still picking up seats. every day we now have a new seat that the democrats have won. basically the elections have turned from a one-day event into the credits of a marvel movie. it just never ends, like wow, there this that was a great, oh there is more, okay, another one o oh, all right, all right, i guess we only pay for five hours of parking. so now that the democrats are become in cloal of the house they are making big plans for next year. >> binning the majority gives
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democrats pot we are to set the house agenda. >> democrats winning control of the house makes nancy pelosi the presumptive speaker she also laid out her top three priority, lower drug prices and infrastructure. >> thanks to you, tomorrow will be a new day in america. >> yeah, and a new day in america. not so new that i'm not still in charge but still kind of new! newish. the new show on abc. now look, i joas about nancy being in charge for a long time but she is right. there was a lot of new faces coming into washington. in fact, the incoming freshman class of democrats is being called the most diverse ever. check out this photo. look at that. that is who is coming that is so diverse. it is insane. (applause) it looks like a stock photo in a college brochure, what that is what it looks like. not just the democrats. the republicans also welcomed
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their most diverse group ever, look at that, they have old white guys, they've got young white guys, they've got bald white guys, they've got balding quite guise, quite guys with hair, the quite guy from snl and the one guy who i think is latino but if they start rounding them up i'm pretty sure he is going to be white. so pean different types of white guys but the democrats will have the power to investigate the trump administration and they're definitely planning to use that power. >> democrats have flipped control of the house and thus, washington is bracing for an onslawt of investigations. democrats are loading what they are calling a subpoena canon with more than 58 trump targets. >> come january we get subpoena power. we can subpoena relevant documents, subpoena witnesses and it's really too late for donald trump to put the horseback in the barn. >> trevor: wow, subpoena canon, poor trump. for the next two years he's going to be in subpoena hell, going to be subpoenas popping out at him for every why,
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opening his care bucket drum stick no subpoena. >> reaching for a towel, oh, subpoena, damn you, every night he will wake up in a cold sweat like subpoena, mel melania, i id the scariest dream, i thought-- oh it's a subpoena! are you in the mood, subpoena? and if you are wondering what spesm the democrats will investigate trump over, his tkses, collusion with russia, the answer is yes, yes to everything. and listening to the future chair woman of the powerful house appropriations committee it seems like they're really going to enjoy it. >> should the majority look into these issues related to president trump that has come up to space force. >> yes. >> james comey's firing. >> yes. >> the travel ban. >> yes. >> the family separation policy. >> absolutely. >> hurricane relief in puerto rico. >> oh. >> white house staff using personal e. >> for sure. >> i wish i enjoyed sex as much as she enjoys investigating
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trump. hmmmm, absolutely. oarksz, for sure. now look, i hope for her sake and for the democrats that the plan isn't just to run around investigating all of trump's flaws although there are many issues investigate, things like space force don't rise to that level. and democrats need to be strategic about what they investigate. because republicans have already come up with a response. >> president trump tweeting about what his future could hold under a democrat-controlled house. the prospect of presidential harassment by the dem ises causing the stock market big headaches using the same term senate majority leader mitch mcconnell used last week. >> the democrats will have to decide how much presidential harassment they think is good strategy. i'm not so sure it will work for them. >> trevor: mitch mccon sell brilliant t is no longer congressional oversight strks presidential har raments, they are harassing the president. how can the most powerful man in the world be the victim. this is like god complaining
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about being bullied. they said i look like santa. and that's why i sent the volcano. but look, we joke around, but presidential harass sment a serious issue in america. which is why before the democrats take power, they are going to have to watch this video. >> if you are watching this, you just won back the house of representatives. >> congrat, socialists. >> but before you take charge here's what you need to know about presidential harassment. for starters, don't try to touch the president's intimate areas, like his tax returns. that's a private area that is reserved for the president's wife and his russian investors. on the other hand, do look for cues that you are making the president uncomfortable. watch his body language to see if he becomes protective of his
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space. in this way the president is a lot like a rabid raccoon. and finally do let him harass you, and believe me he will harass you. that may seem unfair but think of the president as a stripper. he can touch you, but you can't touch him, even if you fell in love with her six years ago. bought her a car. >> so there you have it, trading a comfortable work environment for the president is easy as long as you just do whatever he wants. and if you ever wonder should you impeach the president, think of this helpful acronym, n as in no. guess we just could have said no. that concludes the presidential harassment seminar. up next jared, what exactly does he do again? >> trevor: michel costa everyone, we'll be right back. everyone, we'll be right back.
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♪ >> welcome back to "the daily show." when a news story falls through the crack, lewis black catches it for a segment we call black back in black. (applause) when i was a kid there were certain things you learned this school, 1 plus one equals two and you get to watch tv the rest of the day if the president gets shot. but most importantly facts were facts. that is why we called them facts. but these days from facebook to the white house, reality is optional. and here's the ultimate proof. >> we're also learning more about a bizarre conference in denver. there are ads taking over the
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airways and billboards going up along the highways, take a look. >> join us in denver this november for the international conference 2018. >> well, the event is for people without don't believe the earth is round it turns out colorados had a high con ten-- concentration of the so called flat earthers. >> oh what a surprise. colorado where there is not enough oxygen and tons of weed. of course they think the earth is flat. i'm surprised they don't think the earth is a chal, pa inside a snow globe. listen here is how we know the earth is round, okay. if you look at the curve ture of the-- wait a second. why am i arguing with you. you are wrong! we don't have to waste our time trying to convince you, but if you want to waste your time trying to convince us, go ahead. >> do you feel yourself spinning? wobbling? gyrating? no, i'm pretty rock solid.
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>> toilet water is not flying out on people on australia because of gravity, well, hello. >> photos of the earth from space. >> completely and upperly false. >> flat earthers also do not believe there is any such thing as space. the space shots are actually shot in a swimming pool. >> what? there is no such thing as space? then where do we keep sending our monkeys? i was told my tax dollars were going to murdering monkeys in space. and now you're telling me they're just faking it in a gentleman keuzi? now in simpler times if you had a dumb thought you would think it and then go back to selling your blood for met. it was a perfect system. but with the internet your stupidity can make you famous. >> patricia steere is one of what you might call the stars of today's flat earth movement. which mostly orbits around
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youtube. >> ♪ did you realize the earth is flat. (laughter) now that song flat by which i mean it makes me want to slap someone. look any idiot can sit in their bedroom uploading conspiracy theories to youtube. but it takes special idiots to launch himself into space for the cause. >> meet michael yuse mad mike to his fans now has a plan to go 62 miles up to the edge of the space where he will be able to see or not see the curve of earth. >> my rocket will fire, pull me through the balloon and actually once the rocket quits firing i will actually fly like superman for like another 30 seconds. >> my favorite, barbecue moron. listen, you may not learn whether the earth is round, but i have a feeling are you about to learn a lot about gravity.
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>> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. my guest tonight is the first black chess grand master, also a commentator and teacher of the game. please welcome maurice ashley. (applause) welcome to the show. >> thank you, thank you. >> trevor: so i, should know the answer to this question but what is a chess grand master? how do do you become a grand master in chess. >> it is the highest title you can have in the game.
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you have to beat other grand masters, top players from around the world. so basically we're just bad ass. >> trevor: but if you beat a grand master, then how come that grand mast certificate still a grand master, shouldn't he go down like highlander, that thing? >> no, you still stay a grand master. >> there are the grand masters back in the early 19-us, the top players. once they established thep as grand master, the rest of us come up. you don't just invert. >> trevor: it means you know all the finishing moves like in mortal combat type thing. >> not exactly but. >> trevor: but close, you know a lot of stuff. >> yes. >> trevor: i know all the chess. >> you called it a horsy earlier. >> trevor: i actually did play chess in school. we had to choose a sport and then there were options like rugby which is our version of foot balm and i was like i don't want to get hurt and then i chose chess. and then, you know what is interesting is i say that now, but you can't see this in the cameras but if you look at mawr
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he's-- maurice's arms, have i met a few chess players recently. you guys have a lot of muscles for people who just move a piece of plastic around. >> chess pieces are heavy, man. >> trevor: this say real thing. you aually have to try and be in shape to play chess well ssm this a true thing. >> absolutely true. when are you sitting there four or five hours playing, con sen traight, you need the stamina, you need to be able to focus. you have got to be in shape. all the top players, the guys playing in the world chess championship right now, they are working out three, four hours all the time every day. they have to stay in shape. >> trevor: that is mind blowing, you talk about these, some people may know magazinenews, is he a world celebrity, he models, does endorsements for por shall and everything. you commentate on the games. i find your story fascinating. you come from a world where you g you don't think that a young black kid will get into chess at the level you got into. chess was that sport of old guys playing in the hood, not something everybody wants to get
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into but you played it, got good and you brought elements of the hood into the way you commentate on chess now. like why did you do that and how did you get into it because you don't commentate in a boring way. >> it is funny because when we played chess, i'm from brownsville, brock lynn. >> trevor: right. >> brooklyn in the building. >> brownsville, we say brownsville is so right, mike tyson was from brownsville t was so rough mike had to get out of brownsville. and the people who play chess in the hood, the brothers are usually the cool guys, they would be talking to you, trash talkk the whole time you are plague, yeah, maurice, you know, i was playing chess with your sister last night. guys are trash talk taking. >> all the time so you get that in your head, get used to being distracted by players while you are playing and you stay cool, so now when i do commentator i do the same thing. i try to bring that energy and flow from the hood, it's normal. >> trevor: it's a game from
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many people have lauded as the ultimate thinker's game, c.e.o.s, you learn quhes and you learn how to defeat your enemies in the board room. you teach people chess tactics in life. is that a thing to say to make chess sound cool or do you think chess can help a person think analytically in life. >> first of all, chess is cool. >> i agree. i'm telling you i play chess, i'm not lying about that, i am chess. >> you know, you trashed chess on this show before. you were-- yes, yes, you did. yes, you did. >> in the same way i make jokes about south africa, i love south after characters i make jokes. i make jokes about myself, i love chess. >> no, that was a good segment. i thought it was funny but still, all right. but no, chess is used all the time, as metaphors for politics and business and sports. i mean it's always, you hear you are watching football and st like they just substituted that guy and st like a chess match out here. >> trevor: that's right. >> you always see that. it is a thinking game, a
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strategic game, one against one, you have to figure out your best ideas and as soon as you figure it out the other person is coming at you with their best ideas, like business, politics, you name it. >> trevor: you teach kids to play chess, what would you say is the one thing that changes in your mind when you start to play chess that you apply in life. >> that the other person is more important than are you. >> trevor: huh. >> because we get inside our heads, we have our own opinions this is my best yrksd like democrats and republicans talking across from each other but when you play chess you realize the other person has valid points and you have to really get inside their head more than anything else it is not my best idea that count, it is your best idea and how am i going to beat you is by really studying what you want. and that is where the deep strategy comes into the game. >> trevor: fascinating. so we need to teach the president how to play chess is what you are saying. >> that's going to be really hard. >> trevor: i'm excited for the
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world championship. thank you so much for coming to the show. maurice ashley, everybody. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) green book is the one movie winning audience awards across the country. terrific. there's no better way to spend the holidays than with viggo mortensen and mahershala ali. they're so good, you'll wish the movie would never end. oh that was a good time.
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media access group at wgbh >> that's hour show, here it is, your moment of zen. >> i expect to see a flat disk up there. i don't have an agenda. if it is a round earth or a ball i'm going to km down and say hey, guys, i'm bad. it's a ball, okay. >> science. (applause) [cell phone beeping] hello, this is dwight schrute. hello? hello, this is dwight. hello? ? yes, we do have that. hold on one second. jim what are you doing? and how many would you like? uh, uh, hang that up right now. absolutely--i can get that out to you immediately.


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